


Antithesis

by VenusTheMarvelTurtle



Series: A Different Path [1]
Category: TMNT (2007), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Abandonment, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Bad Decisions, Dark Character, Dark fluff, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fighting, Foot!Leo, Forbidden Love, Heavy Angst, Heterosexual Sex, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Incest, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kidnapping, Leo In The Foot Clan, Leo Is Sexy And Badass, M/M, Male Slash, One-Sided Relationship(s), Past Abuse, Self-Lubrication, Sexual Tension, Switching, Toys, too many tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 19:30:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 56
Words: 211,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3740878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenusTheMarvelTurtle/pseuds/VenusTheMarvelTurtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>NOW WITH ART!!!</p><p>It started with a Bug and an abstract mutter. It ended with kisses flavored with blood, cold blades and bite marks, drugged confessions and a twisted, shadow bred love that was never meant to be, unless, of course, it was. Raphael opens his heart to what he thinks is an equally broken spirit and pays for it tenfold. Meanwhile, others simmer and scheme against a backdrop of ugly truths.</p><p>(Foot!Leo/Raph, full info inside.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Aphrodisia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3413255) by [Kiraynn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiraynn/pseuds/Kiraynn). 
  * Inspired by [The Tender Trap](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2449877) by [sleepingseeker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepingseeker/pseuds/sleepingseeker). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This part is a prologue, but the rest of the story is sort of one big flashback. Like the summary says, Foot!Leo/Raph, which is the only kind of Leo/Raph I can stomach. This was inspired by the lovely SleepingSeeker's Tender Trap series, and Kiraynn's oneshot Aphrodisia. I suggest you go read both, they're wonderful, as are their authors.
> 
> This will be dark, and bloody, and sad, with language and adult situations and discussions, with TONS of Raph torture and angst (though mostly emotional and mental) mentions of abuse, self harm, non con, abandonment, a SMIDGE of incest, and aaaall that good stuff, so this is your chance to back out now if you're not down. This is sort of my first hardcore Slash fic, so I'm nervous. Comments would mean the world to me.

 

* * *

Raphael blamed the Bug.

It was cold, down here in their own, personal hellhole, and dark, and damp, but that was nothing. They'd had worse than a damp floor and a slight chill when they were kids in the sewer. It wasn't necessarily the conditions of the prison that made it awful, it was the fact that he was sharing it with the very people he knew it was his own fault that they were here with him in the first place.

It wouldn't have been so bad if he was alone. At least when his _should'a-could'a-would'as_  came to piss on him, he wouldn't have had witnesses.

He could feel someone's eyes on him now- on his shell, since he couldn't bring himself to face them any longer, after the thorough humiliation he'd just suffered.

Raphael shuddered and pressed his face closer to the cold stone, wishing it would swallow him whole. The scent of Master Splinter's blood was thick and oppressive in the stale air, reminding him of what he'd done with every breath. The cuts and gashes in his torn and bruised skin had gone numb long ago, but the raging agony of betrayal howled through his every cell, worse than any pain the Foot grunts could inflict.

The glarer was probably Donnie, or maybe it was Splinter. Maybe he was regretting everything, raising three turtles instead of two. Maybe he was regretting Raphael, period, not having the balls to drop the dumb little baby Raph down the first sewer pipe when he had the chance.

He didn't blame the old rat, not really. He didn't blame Donnie or Mikey either. They wouldn't have gotten them into this mess.

"I told you so" didn't even BEGIN to cover this shit.

No, Raphael blamed the Bug, that stupid eavesdropping Bug Donnie planted on a Foot Soldier all those months ago.

_If it wasn't for that stupid Bug..._

Even now, he couldn't claim responsibility for this, for the annihilation of his everything because of his stupid choices. He'd never been good with responsibility, and now that was horribly obvious. Kinda funny, but not really.

Nope. It wasn't him. It was the damned Bug. It had to be.

If it wasn't for the Bug, they would have never known about him coming to New York. Wouldn't have gone looking for him. Wouldn't have found him.

Wouldn't have-

_Wouldn't be here..._

None of this would have happened, if not for that damned Bug, and that goddamned name that came out of it.

_Leonardo..._

_And that name, which had sounded like the sweetest music to him moments before, now rang with a cadence of death, deception, and misery._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is also cross posted on ff.net. Tell your friends!
> 
> I'm also a notorious re-updater, meaning that I'll go back and edit/add things to old chapters when the mood hits me. Nothing major or story altering, just little details.


	2. The Bug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Bug is Talking, and Raphael makes a decision.

Antithesis

_ an·tith·e·sis: The opposite of what was meant to be. _

_  
_

****

**_THWACK._ **

**** _Woosh._

Rattle. Repeat.

_**THWACK.**_

_Woosh._

_Huff._

            Rattle. Repeat.

Master Splinter was old, and he’d been around a while, so he knew a lot of shit. That was fact, not opinion, totally undeniable. If you asked God himself whether Hamato Splinter knew his stuff, he’d probably give you a stupid look and say yeah, dumbass, obviously. So when his father told him things, Raphael knew he was usually right, even if he didn’t agree (like with the decision to make him leader, but that ended up working itself out. Kinda.)

But with this?

_**THWACK**._

_Woosh._

           Rattle. Repeat.

With this, Splinter was absolutely wrong- “this”, of course, being his opinion that kicking the hell out of a punching bag wasn’t a true substitute for meditation exercise. That was just damn false, and Raphael would go to his grave defending that. Sitting still until your limbs cramped and breathing slow enough to die on accident might work for some people, but not him.

To him there was nothing quite like the meaty smack of his fists against the pliant, well worn leather, feeling the firm insides give way underneath, reveling in the slight sting across his knuckles as he pulled back and the pleasant ache in his flexing muscles when he delivered another shattering punch, blinking sweat from his eyes and tasting the salt running down his throat.

That was his balance, his peace, letting his body fall into its own rhythm and perfect mixture of adrenaline and calm, while also giving soothe to the raging column of anger that lived inside him, the beast that lingered there for as long as he could try to remember.

_**THWACKTHWACKTHWACK.**_

_Woosh._

_Huff. Huff._

            Rattle. Repeat.

Raphael breathed in and out in a steady and measured pace despite his workout; golden eyes narrowed to tranquil slits, the beast inside momentarily sated as everything he hated in his life faded away and ceased to matter.

Freak. **THWACK**. Outcast. **THWACK**. Hothead. **THWACK.** Forever alone.

**THWACKTHWACKTHWACKSLAMSLAM-**

“-APH! Earth to Rap-SHEEZUS, DUDE!”

Raphael winced and quickly rose out of the offensive pose his body had taken. When he blinked, the haze cleared from his vision and he saw who he had attacked- his littlest brother, who was currently staring at him like he’d grown a second head.

 _And wouldn’t that just make my life a picnic._ “Sorry Mike,” he huffed brusquely, shrugging. “Ya know how I get sometimes. Shouldn’ta snuck up on me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mikey gasped, nodding quickly, “you know what else I know? You're crushing my arm.”

Raph let go of Mikey’s wrist, rubbing the back of his head in apology. “S’rry,” he mumbled.

Mikey rotated his hand and pouted. “Man, and you guys say I space out. You need to chill, bro.”

 _I was, ding dong._ Raph inhaled, pushing the beast back down deep and trying not to think about how frail Mikey’s wrist had felt in his grip, and how easy it would have been to just…

“What did’ja want, knucklehead?”

Despite his brother’s scowl, Mikey’s frown morphed into an excited grin. “Donnie says the Bug is talking. He wanted me to come get you so we could listen together, Sensei too.”

Raph felt his heart beat faster at the mention of the Bug. “Seriously? It’s actually saying somethin’ good?”

“Yeah! He’s got the whole thing recorded!”

A few weeks ago Donatello had managed to tag a Foot soldier with a Bug during a fight, and the signal was still active.

“Race ya!”

“Wha-oh, dude, no fair!”

They shoved past each other and made a frantic beeline for Donatello’s lab, trying to trip each other on the way. Mikey made it in a fraction of a second before Raph, prancing around the gurney in the middle of the room in a victory lap.

“Beat ya, beat beat beat ya…”

“Ya cheated!” Raph growled, and Mikey opened his mouth to retaliate, but Donnie’s annoyed snap cut him off.

“Would you two please just sit down and shut up?” the genius turtle sighed, not even bothering to turn around as he fiddled with some kind of recording machine on his desk. Their father was seated next to him, peering intently down his long muzzle as he worked.

“Raphie’s just mad cause I _beat_ him,” Mikey explained, sticking out his tongue at his glowering brother.

“Keep it up an’ I’m gonna show ya tha meanin’ of the word.”

Splinter rapped his cane on the floor. “Boys!” he said, making them all flinch and giving them an exasperated look. “This is no time for bickering.”

Raph sucked in another deep breath and quelled the urge to throw something hard at Mikey’s head when the younger turtle blew a silent raspberry in his direction. “Ya got it workin’ or not, Don?” he asked, dropping his heavy frame onto the stool next to Splinter.

“Yeah. The transmission is a little fuzzy, but considering the distance it’s pretty good. I just have to…” He did something with his hand that Raph didn’t catch, and then his olive beak broke into a wide smile. “I’ve got it.”

“Alright, Donnie!” Mikey cheered, blushing when he was shushed again. They all leaned forward and strained their ears as static and feedback jumped from the machine, slowly clearing into barely audible words.

Raphael hardly dared to breathe, wanting to hear everything.

_“….-ather. I couldn’t wait for you to return.”_

“That’s Karai,” Raph hissed, baring his teeth.

“We know-shh.”

There was a thick rustle. _“Daughter. I tried to make my absence as short as possible, but those old fools in Japan had to be reminded of their places.”_

“Did she just hug him?” Mikey giggled quietly. “Shouldn’t she be like, bursting into flames right now?”

"Nah, she's just as evil as he is."

“Shh!”

 _“I heard there was a lot of bloodshed_. _You crushed the rebellion ruthlessly.”_ Karai sounded smug and pleased.

_“Indeed. How holds my kingdom?”_

“He ain’t no damn king!” Raph snarled, the cocky statement igniting a flame in his chest.

“Raph, I swear to God-”

_“Efficient as ever, but the Hamato’s continue to be a nuisance.”_

_“Have they impeded our most recent endeavor?”_

_“No, but I think it might be in jeopardy soon.”_

“Man, they even talk in code when they’re alo-OW!” Raph narrowly dodged the plastic beaker Donatello slung in Mikey's direction.

“Shut up!”

_“That will not be an issue for much longer. I have sent for him, and he will be here shortly.”_

_“Him?”_ Karai sounded as confused as they all felt. _“You can’t mean- his training can’t be complete yet!”_

_“It is as complete as yours, possibly more so. He aided me in destroying the rebel factions, and he is thirsty for a chance to return home and prove himself fully to myself and to his Clan. What better way to do so than by finally eliminating the turtle problem that you struggle with so dearly? I am sure the irony of the situation is not lost on you.”_

They could almost hear Karai’s flinch. _“ **I** am your Elite in New York! He won’t know the first thing about running this branch of the Clan, or dealing with the turtles.” _ She sounded like a whiny brat, and Raph snickered quietly.

 _“He will be my Chūnin, and you will serve him as faithfully as you have served me. It is irrelevant to me whether you retain your childhood closeness, but you will work together seamlessly, or I will make other arrangements for you. Is this understood?”_ The ice in his tone was chilling even through layers of feedback.

 _“…It is…understood.”_ She sounded like she was chewing her tongue off.

“ _Excellent. Now it is late, and we will dine. Make sure his old quarters are ready for his arrival.”_

_“Yes, Master Shredder.”_

They listened for more, but the static was creeping back in and clouding the reception. “I think they’re walking away,” Donatello said, tilting his head to catch the faint sound of footsteps receeding.

“Cut it,” Raph said, and he did, flipping the switch to end the transmission. They all sat there for a second, digesting the information.

“So, they’re planning to kill us, again,” Mikey tossed out. “What else is new?”

“We didn’t learn sh-crap,” Raph amended, seeing the look on Splinter’s face. “I thought we’d get more, Don.”

“Hey, I plant the Bug, I don’t control the conversations.” Donnie shrugged, making his violet mask tails slide across his shoulders.

“Donatello, do you think they knew they were being listened to?” Splinter asked.

“No way,” the genius said. “They would have destroyed the Bug immediately.”

“Then they must be speaking in cryptic terms to confuse any listening ears under their own roof,” Splinter mused wisely. “Saki does not fully trust his clan.”

“I don’t really care about _how_ they were talkin’,” Raph interrupted bluntly, crossing his arms tight over his plastron. “I wanna know who that ‘He’ was.”

“Is,” Donnie corrected, earning a hard roll of amber eyes.

“Whateva.”

“Whoever he is, he’s coming here really soon.” Mikey injected. “He sounds like he’s another super trained assassin dude.”

“Maybe he’s another mutant?” Donnie suggested. "Shredder mentioned Karai knowing him as a kid. Does she have a brother?"

They all looked to Splinter, but he shook his head. "Saki has only one child that I am aware of. Biologically, at least."

"He's probably adopted." Mikey said. "Jeez, I HOPE it's a mutant-murdering assasin. I'd take that over another Karai... Except, ya know, a dude version." He paused, then giggled. "And what chick keeps hooking up with Shredder anyway? Who says 'I wanna grow up and marry a evil overlord and have his babies'?"

Splinter stood up slowly and stroked his beard, leaning on his cane thoughtfully. “There is no way we can know for sure, my sons. We must wait for the answers to reveal themselves.”

Raph’s beak pulled into a frown. His eyeridges came together. “Mebbe not, Sensei. I bet Hun’s people know all about it. We should shake a few Dragons down an’ see what they say.”

Splinter was shaking his head before the sentence was halfway out, and something about the slope of his shoulders said that he’d been expecting to have this argument, and that pissed Raph off a bit. “No, Raphael. We do not instigate conflict, we react to it. Pestering the Purple Dragons about classified information will only arouse suspicion.”

Raph gritted his teeth and lurched to his feet. “So what? We got a leg up on ‘em, I say we use it! We need ta scare ‘em, let ‘em know we ain’t scared of ‘ _Him_ ’ and whoeva the hell else they wanna bring.” he said hotly. 

He could feel the same stupid, irritating decision to hide out and wait for bad shit to happen wafting into the air again, and he couldn't help but try to fight it. Sometimes he felt like the only one NOT afraid to take action, and he hated it.

Splinter was not moved. His ears twitched and flattened to his head, and how mouth set in a tight line. "I appreciate your enthusiasm, Raphael," he said, everything in his voice stating the opposite, "but we will not inflame this situation until we know more."

"So what the hell'd we even do this for then?" Raph countered loudly, "So we could sit on our tails and do nothin'? We ain't cowards, we need ta-"

"The answer is no, Raphael!" Splinter snapped, cutting across him like a whip. "You will abide me in this!"

A low growl rumbled through Raph's chest, and he clenched his hands into tight fists by his sides. "Am I leader or ain't I?"

"You are, my son," Splinter retorted, "but you are also seventeen, living in my house, beneath my tutelage, and you will curb your impulsive actions if I say that they will put this family in danger. We know too little and there is no immediate threat as of yet."

"So we're gonna wait and hide, like punks?!"

"We are through discussing this!" Splinter yelled, slamming the end of his staff on the ground like a judge's gavel. "If you refuse to listen to reason I will not waste what limited breath I have attempting to persuade you. Another word from you will result in punishment." 

The flick of his hand when he dismissed him sent Raphael's blood to boiling, but he dipped his head in the barest of shitty bows and stormed out of the lab.

Instinctively he found his way back to the Dojo and his fists were beating a vicious angry tempo on the unfortunate punching bag before he even realized his feet had taken him there. The beast was pissed, snarling, suffocated, and Raph beat it back into submission until his anger turned into annoyance and his lungs were clearer.

This was exactly why horrible stuff kept happening to them while they were unprepared, because they were too chickenshit to stand up for themselves and strike first. What was the point of bugging if they weren't gonna use the info they got?

He exhaled sharply, unclenching his teeth and swallowing down a sour taste in the back of his throat. Karai had called them a nuisance, like that was all they were, a tiny little irritation like flies buzzing around her prissy little head. Not threats.

Well, that was about to change.

Raph's fists slowed as the thought sounded in his head. All he wanted to do was scare up a few Dragons, and it wasn't like he couldn't do that himself. He smirked and stepped away from the bag, reaching down into his belt for his cell.

Two rings was all it took, and then Bonehead extraordinaire was answering on the third.

" _Yo?_ "

"Hey," Raph said, edging away from the screen. "Whatcha up to?"

" _Just watchin' a game. Why?"_

"Whatcha doin' tomorrow?"

_"Nothin', April's got paperwork at the station. Why?"_

Raph rolled his eyes and gave a growling sigh. Yup, good ol' boneheaded Casey. "Why'dya think, dumbass?"

_"OH- oh. Yeah, you can swing through. We'll chill."_

That was the code, and Raph grinned widely, anticipation tingling through his veins. "Alright then. Leave the window open."

_"Sure, sure."_

He hung up, satisfied. Good ol' Casey. He couldn't wait for nighttime. Splinter didn't want him to talk about it anymore? Fine. He wouldn't talk about. But be damned sure wasn't about to sit back and wait for them all to wake up choking on a nerve gas bomb or something. If they didn't wanna act, then he'd do it himself, and they'd thank him later.

 _Let 'him' come. We're gonna be ready for his ass._ The beast in his heart growled assent.

* * *

After a particularly forced meal, Karai was allowed leave to supervise her soldiers in preparing for... _his_...arrival. She carved a path of misery through the Tower as she went, and more than one soldier had tasted the back of her hand for tiny mistakes. It didn't take the dumbest grunt to figure out that the announcement of his return had shaken her, and shaken her badly. One thing she refused to do was step foot in his old quarters, and no one, not even the stupidest bruiser, questioned her about it.

That was where she stood now- on the threshold of the room, not inside, glaring blankly at the bare walls with her fingernails digging bloody crescent moons into her pale palms. It had been cleaned years ago, but she thought she could still detect a hint of his old scent in the musty stale air.

Bad enough he'd left her behind to chase his own glory, after every promise and oath they'd made to of another, but now after she had finally forgotten him he was returning to steal her birthright from her and discredit her in the process.

She brushed the fringe of her short pixie cut away from her eyes angrily and left a faint pink streak behind on her cheek. Her hands shook, and her gut rolled with sickness and memory and other feelings her sociopathic heart refused to identify.

She hoped the turtles put a blade through his eye, and if they didn't she'd do it herself, if only to be rid of his confusing presence in her life. 

Her beautiful face twisted into a grimace, and she spat on the floor of the room, whispering a curse before turning and stalking out.

"Safe travels, _Otōto_. We'll see who takes control of this family. You have a debt to repay, and I intend to collect fully."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Otōto: Little Brother
> 
> Comments are life!


	3. Flag on the Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first of many late night confrontations.
> 
> (~Comments comments comments, come on with those comments... ~)

The next day it was obvious that everyone expected Raph to still be pissed off about the argument from the way they tiptoed around him, but to their shock it was like it had never happened.  
  
After he apologized to Splinter PUBLICLY during morning practice, the oldest turtle was helpful and good humored without fail- helping with the dishes and chores without complaint, putting up with Mikey's video game competition without being a sore loser, and even agreeing to let Donnie take his blood for another psycho science experiment.  
  
"I thought you hated needles, Raph," Donnie said, not looking up as he wrapped the latex band tight around Raph's bicep and tied the knot.  
  
Raph shrugged absently. "Figured if Mikey could do it without whinin', I can."  
  
"But didn't you say if I ever came at you with a needle again and you weren't dying you'd shove it somewhere I'd never find it?" the genius continued, grabbing the needle and tapping it sharply.  
  
Raph flinched and looked at the floor, the ceiling, his own leg- ANYWHERE but at that damn needle. The truth was that yes, he did hate those things, always had and always would. But he was sneaking out later and he didn't want anyone suspicious that he was still thinking about yesterday. He needed them to think he'd let it go.  
  
He made a low noise and narrowed his eyes to apprehensive slits when Donnie grew nearer. "Kiddie stuff. Guess I grew out of it." He gave himself away when the needle started to pierce his skin and he flinched hard, gritting his teeth with an audible sound.  
  
"Don't tense," Donnie reprimanded, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder and pushing the plunger down. "You'll tighten the vein and this will take even longer."  
  
"G-god forbid, huh?" Raph shivered.  
  
"I'm sorry about yesterday, with Splinter." Donnie said. "For the record, I sort of agreed with you. We should at least prepare."  
  
"That's what I was sayin'!" Raph said, momentarily distracted from the life sucking needle in his flesh. "He never wants ta do anythin' and that's why they always get the drop on us."  
  
Donnie nodded and sighed. "Well, he knows what he's doing. We've made it this far."  
  
"Off luck, probably. We're sittin' ducks down here and I hate it." Raph snorted. "He makes me be leader and then won't let me BE the fuckin' leader."  
  
"Even we're not that lucky," Donnie countered. "You're a good leader, Raph, better than I'd be. Splinter just doesn't want you flying off the handle."  
  
"Mmph." Raph glanced down at the needle and swallowed when he could see the current of his own blood streaming through the tube, making his vision spin for a second. "Done? 'M feelin' kinda woozy."  
  
"Yeah, that should be enough." Donatello said, removing the needle and rubbing a bandage onto the puncture. "You're such a baby when it comes to this." he teased, hazel eyes sparkling with laughter.  
  
"I'm startin' ta think you're a vampire and you're savin' this for later," Raph shot back, nudging him playfully.  
  
A strange look crossed Donnie's face then. "Always so strong," he said, smoothing his olive fingers over the bandage, "except for this little thing."  
  
"'M always strong, Don." Raph huffed, but he didn't get the eye roll he was expecting. Donnie's smile turned sad, and something flickered in his gaze, but he glanced away before Raph could identify it.  
  
"Yeah," he muttered wryly, "I guess you are."  
  
Raph frowned and started to ask him what the hell was wrong with him all of a sudden, but Donnie removed the latex from his arm and stepped back, shooing him out the door.   
  
"I need to analyze and log this, so get lost for a few hours. And tell Mikey he better put the batteries back in my microscope or I'll surgically implant them in his ears."  
  
"Don-"  
  
The door to the lab was slamming in his face before he could get a word out, and he heard the lock slide home seconds later.

* * *

  
It took three Star Wars movies and a marathon of Ridiculous before everybody was sleepy enough to finally call it quits and hit the sack, and a whole thirty minutes after the last door closed until no more movement could be heard behind it.

Raphael slipped out of his hammock and pulled on his red hoodie and wide jeans, holstered his sais underneath, then crept soundlessly down the stairs with an ease only seventeen years of ninja training can give you.

He checked on Mikey first and found him passed out, drooling on his side with his thumb jammed in his mouth and the covers under his chin. The sight brought a smile to his face, even as Mikey began to toss and turn. He couldn't help himself- he eased inside and patted his little brother's shoulder, rubbing his shell gently until he calmed down. _He's alright when he's not bein' a pain in the ass._

His chest warmed, and he made sure to flick the nightlight plugged into the corner on before walking out. Mikey tried to deny that he needed it, but Raph knew he'd sleep better with it on. The light fell across his cheek and brought out the freckles on his light green face, making him look more babylike. Vulnerable.

That right there was why he was doing this, for his family. They'd all been through too much and been helpless for too long. He was doing this to protect them, even if Splinter didn't see it that way. The thought of losing them made him feel cold, because he knew what would happen then... he'd lose control of the anger, that awful beast, and never get it back. He'd turn into a real monster without them. Sighing, he headed for the door.

" _I knew it_."

He came to a crashing, screeching halt as he passed the kitchen, almost yelling in shock as he whirled around, heart throbbing painfully in his chest. His hands flew down to his sai hilts, and he faced the person that had caught him. Donatello was leaning against the island, circling the rim of his mug and glaring hard at him even through the darkness, outlined in the pale light from the fridge.

Raphael let out his breath in a hard exhale and shoved his hands back in his pockets. " _What're you doin' up?"_

Donnie smirked, but it was a humorless expression. " _Really?"_

Raph pursed his mouth and glared just as hotly. There was no way to explain this away. He obviously hadn't been getting a drink of water in full surface clothes. _"I thought ya were in bed, Don."_

 _"You're going out to do what you said, aren't you. With Casey."_ It wasn't a question. _"I knew you hadn't forgotten. It was like Attack of the Body Snatchers today. There was no way you'd let that go,"_ he hissed.

Raph fought the urge to snarl. Not for the first time he had the thought that Donnie was too smart for his own damn good.  _"I can't. I ain't standin' back an' lettin' Splinter have us doin' nothin' down here while Saki and his dogs try ta kill us again. I got info and I'ma use it."_

" _Why can't you just do what he says, Raph?_ " Donnie said, stepping around the island to stand in front of him. " _Why is it so hard to trust our_ **_FATHER?_** "

 _"Cause he's old an' scared and too damn cautious_!" Raph snapped. " _That shit's gonna get us destroyed one day and I don't want no part of it. I'm doin' this fer YOU, Don, you an' Mikey and Splinter."_

 _"Please don't insult my intelligence. You're doing this for yourself."_ Donatello grumbled. " _You don't like that we have to live like this so you go out there with that moron and risk your life to get an adrenaline fix."_

 _"Hey,"_ Raph barked quietly, clenching his muscles, " _ya need ta watch what ya say about my friend. And believe what ya want, I ain't gotta explain myself ta you."_

He knew he'd made a mistake when his brother's eyes flattened and hardened. "Fine. Explain yourself to Splinter." No longer bothering to keep his voice down, Donatello turned sharply and headed for the Dojo and the room beyond.

Raph flinched. If Donnie squealed, it was all over. He wouldn't leave the lair for two years. He lunged for him and grabbed his arm, cutting off his yell of protest with a pleading look. " _Donnie, please, don't snitch. Yeah, it's true, I hate livin' down here. I hate bein' a freak. I hate that no girl's ever gonna look at me an' not scream first. But I'd rather be a live freak than a dead one."_

Donatello continued to glare, but said nothing, so Raph let him go and rubbed the back of his head roughly. _"Look, Donnie. I know ya don't believe me but I'm tellin' the truth. I'm doin' this fer you."  
_

The silence after his statement was deafening and horrible. Eventually, Donnie relaxed and tugged halfheartedly out of his grip. _"Whatever,_ " he mumbled, but his face softened when he turned to face his brother. " _Just don't get killed, and get back before practice. I'm not covering for you again."_

Raph grinned fully, knowing he would. " _Yeah, yeah, braniac. Sure thing."_   He attacked his skull in a mocking nuggie and slipped out the door without another word.

* * *

 


	4. Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph and Casey cruise the city, and the Honored Son makes an unexpected appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave Casey and April a son in this story, for a big reason later. I named him Cody to pay homage to the comics, so he's Cody Jones the First LOLZ.

Even though it was pretty early in the night, the city was relatively quiet. Raphael didn't pass any crimes in process or dirty things going down on his way to Casey's (really, April's) apartment. The beast in his heart knew from experience that just because he didn't see anything didn't mean that stuff wasn't going down somewhere, and it was hard not to follow that instinct to find some trouble. But he had a mission to do, and limited time to do it, so he pressed it down and continued on.

He could see that the window was open even before he landed on the fire escape, and that the lights were on and the sound of the T.V was blaring. Raph crouched on the cold metal steps and rapped on the railing with a hard knuckle, smirking when the human inside jumped, looked around, then hurried over. "Hey," Casey grinned, showing off the two gaps in his back teeth.

"Hey," Raph echoed, peering past his shoulder into the house. "Red gone?" April was cool and all, but if she knew he was taking Casey with him they'd get the mother of all lectures, AGAIN, and she might go all the way and call Splinter.

"Yeah," Casey nodded, grabbing the window ledge and hauling it higher. Raph pushed himself through, careful not to let the ledge catch on the high ridge of his shell. "What about Little Red?" he asked as he stepped over an upended tub of Legos, referring to their five year old boy.

"Cody's at a sleepover with some of the kids from his karate class." Casey explained, walking in after him. "It was hard convincin' him to go, too. He thought ya might stop by. He says yer his favorite."

"Smart kid," Raph chuckled. Cody Jones was a redhead just like his mother, smart and sassy and already tough as nails. They all adored him and he knew it, and Raph wasn't ashamed to admit (at least to himself) that he had a huge soft spot in his heart for the little bug.

"Karate," Raph snorted, waving a dismissing hand. "I told ya, ya should'a let us teach him some real shit."

Casey rolled his eyes and shook his head, making his greasy hair swing. "Hell nah. I got enough ninjas in my life, thanks. I don't need my kid knowing how ta kill me eight hundred different ways by the time he's ten."

"Well maybe not EIGHT hundred," Raph laughed. He was finally away from the lair, and even now he felt like he could breathe easier, like he wasn't so cramped and smothered. A twinge of guilt struck him in the gut as he remembered Donnie's accusations of leaving because he was selfish.

_Was he right?_

Raph shook the thought away and refocused on the present. "Ya ready to go?"

"Regular night?" Casey asked, frowning when the turtle shook his head. "Nah. Not this time."

Casey strapped himself into his hockey pads and grabbed his own weapons while Raph stripped out of his restricting clothes. "So what's up?"

"Yer gonna love this. Donnie stuck a Foot loser with a Bug a few weeks ago, and we know about a plan they got in the works. " Raph explained. Casey's eyes widened and his jaw dipped. "Holy shit!"

"That's what I thought you'd say. 'Cept Splinter don't want me diggin' into it." he grunted. Casey only smiled. 

"Ain't like that's gonna stop you." 

"'Xactly." Raph cracked his knuckles sharply. "I figure we'd find a few Dragon scums and have a chat with 'em."

A viciously excited glint appeared in Casey's eyes. Being a dad hadn't dulled his lust for cruising and bruising. 

"Sounds good to me."

The beast rumbled happily in response, and Raph embraced the feeling, almost giddy in excitement. He could already feel his fists aching for the crunch of bone underneath them. "Let's hit it then."

* * *

It didn't take them long at all, really. Maybe thirty minutes, max.

"Come on, Tony," Raph sneered, pressing his elbow deeper into the throat of the dirt bag they'd found shaking down a little homeless girl, hiking him higher up the alley wall and ignoring the ineffective kicks aimed at his hard plastron. "that is yer name, right?"

"F-f-fuck you, f-freak!" the guy choked, sputtering as his face slowly turned red. "I d-don't know y-you!!!"

"That tattoo on yer arm says different," Casey said, tapping the tail of the purple dragon design winding around the punk's bicep. 

"I thought ya looked familiar," Raph nodded. "Yer one a' Hun's grunts, and you're gonna tell me what I wanna know."

"I ain't no snitch! You faggots can go get bent!"

Raph snarled, but it was mixed with a smile. He loved when they fought back. It gave him an excuse to be brutal. He slammed the guy's head back into the wall and the beast roared happily at the crack of his skull on the brick, sending a rush of endorphins through his system as he punched him hard in the face, then again, then again.

It felt good. It felt GREAT. This wasn't like when he hit his brothers, and the guilty feelings immediately destroyed him. This was guilt free and wonderful.

Casey stood back silently, letting him vent in his way.

When he finally stepped back, his hand was coated up to his wrist in red, teeth littered the ground, and the guys cheekbone was split open down to his chin, and he was barely conscious, but he was more compliant. 

Raph went to hit him again, and he threw up his hands in panic, shrieking like a bitch. "St-stop m-man, sto-stop! Please, please man, God-"

"Ya wanna talk now?!" Raph asked him,  more feral growl than actual words. The guy had wet himself, and the stink of his fear and blood was intoxicating. A red haze was growing in his vision and pulsing in his ears.

"I swear man, I don't know nothing! Find Reggie man, he's fourth under the Big Boss. He runs our squad, he talks to those assholes in the tower!" the Dragon cowered, trying to stem the blood leaking from the multiple gashes in his face. He looked like mulched hamburger, rapid blots of dark blue and purple spreading out over his arms and ribs.

"I think he's tellin' the truth, man." Casey piped up. He stepped forward and turned to the nearly comatose thug. "Where's Reggie at? He out tonight?"

"O-over on E-eighth and M-Marygrove Av-Avenue." the Dragon sobbed. "H-he had some o-overdue stuff to c-collect from a cell. S-some guy is c-comin' to inspect us soon."

Some guy... Maybe he was talking about HIM. Raph growled and backed away, breathing deep through his mouth to clear the blood fueled fog from his brain and get his beast together. 

"Thanks fer yer cooperation," Casey laughed, slamming the butt of his hockey stick into the guy's temple. He dropped like a cold stone and Casey looked away without another glance. He put a tentative hand on Raph's shoulder, the muscle beneath hard and tense as a rock. "You alright man?"

Raph exhaled and shook bloody droplets from his emerald skin, glaring up into the sickly orange glow of the streetlight. "'M alright, 'm alright..." He closed his eyes until all of the red fog was gone, and the rage was clear from his golden irises when he opened them again. 

Casey stared at him blankly, but there was no fear in his gaze, and Raph was relieved. He would always appreciate his friend for that, no matter what Donnie and Master Splinter said about him. 

"C'mon."

* * *

By the time they reached Eighth and Marygrove, and stationed themselves on a building overlooking the darkest part of the Avenue, Raphael had himself in control. 

They crouched low and close, making sure that they were out of sight of anyone from below. " _Look_ ," Casey hissed, pointing a pale finger at the side of the building where a dim green streetlight illuminated a faded Dragon insignia. " _He **was** tellin' the truth._ "

 _"He better've been_ ," Raph retorted. It had gotten windier and darker, and a gentle rain had started to fall, more mist than actual droplets. He shivered, wishing he kept his hoodie. He hated the cold, even more than his reptile blood allowed for.

Casey fidgeted uncomfortably. _"We should'a asked him what this dude looks like."_

Raph grunted, brushing away the water droplets clinging to his mask. _"He'll be the biggest, the ugliest, the fattest and the loudest."_

Casey snorted a laugh, and they fell silent again. It didn't take long before a group of Dragons made their way to the building, cheering and talking raucously, hefting everything from pistols and automatics to baseball bats and modified crowbars. Raph's pulse quickened painfully at the sight of the weapons, and his beast shifted anxiously at the prospect of a real fight. Tony had just been an appetizer. His sais felt heavy and warm against his leg as their words reached him.

"We should'a got this money months ago, Reggie," one of them was saying, hauling an enormous sack in his arms. "Foot been gettin' on Boss Man about late payments."

The man in front scoffed and shot an ugly look at the one who had spoken. He resembled a beefy orangutan with the works- long arms, hair everywhere, muscles bulging out of his sleeveless jacket, Dragon tattoo stretched grotesquely over his face. When he smiled, his long silver canines glinted. 

"Whatever, Andy. Them stuck up ninja wannabees need ta learn dat da world don't revolve 'round dem. It won't kill 'em to wait."

"What about Blade Man's daughter?"

Reggie laughed aloud at that. "That spoiled bitch? She think she's a goddamn princess and she ain't nothing' but a whiny cunt. Give me a few minutes wit her ass an' I'll show her dat," he said, grinning while the rest of his entourage roared with laughter.

"Yeah, you'll tear dat up!"

"And what else?"

"Take that bitch down a few pegs, Boss!"

" _Christ_ ," Raphael groaned, wanting to gag. He didn't want to hear this; he wanted to be smashing skulls in and breaking femurs. 

 _"We should just-"_ he bunched up and prepared to spring down on them, but Casey held him back. _"Man, wait. It's a lot of them down there."_  

Raph gritted his teeth so hard they squeaked, but Donnie's face swam to the front of his mind, and he knew Casey was right. They had to wait until Reggie was alone before they tried roughing him up or it might turn ugly, and not the good ugly. Steaming and anxious, he lay back down, struggling to keep the beast contained for a few minutes longer.

Down below, the thugs were going into graphic detail about everything they'd do to Karai while Shredder watched. One of them was in tears, begging for more.

"What else, Reggie, what else?"

"Yeah Reggie, tell us!"

_"Case, this is bullsh-"_

"Oh yes Reggie, _**please**_ tell us more."

The new voice was no louder than Reggie's, but instantly everything shut down faster than Mikey scarfing hot dogs on a dare. Raph and Casey immediately tensed as another figure detached itself from the opposite building and dropped down below with the ease and grace of a Foot ninja Elite, but this was no ordinary ninja.

They were covered head to toe in what looked like a mix between a cloak and a hoodie, pitch black fabric blending into to dark shadows all except for a large blood red Foot Clan Commander symbol on the back. 

When he landed, the Dragons scattered like roaches, as if being near him was dangerous to their very existence. They backed away as he strode slowly up to their leader, parting like the Red Sea. The air was both frozen and charged with electricity.

Raphael watched the way he moved, like a deadly predator stalking a hapless gazelle, and his beast quickened, whining with barely restrained bloodlust. He knew in that instant that whoever that was would be the best fight he'd ever had in his life. 

 _"Who the hell...."_ Casey whispered, but Raph ignored him, focused solely on the scene below. 

No one had responded, so the figure spoke again, and Raphael shivered. His voice was young and smooth and infuriatingly mocking, and made him yearn to cause some major damage.

"Come on, Reggie, enlighten us all. What else WOULD you do to one of the Crown Reagents of the Foot Throne, as if she were a common slut?" From the back, they could see his head tilt, and they could hear the feral grin in his tone, the one that said 'I'm about to fuck you up, and there's nothing you can do about it.'

Reggie had gone white as a sheet, and he was trembling visibly. He looked like he was about to puke. "Y-y-you," he gasped. "Y-y-you wasn't s'posed ta get here f-f-fer two weeks."

What looked like the figure's shoulders raised and lifted in a shrug. "I decided to arrive early and surprise my Lord. The Lord who's daughter you were just explaining in graphic detail how you'd like to rape and humiliate."

Even without the streetlight, Reggie's face was a nasty green shade. "W-w-we was j-just jokin', Honored Son. J-just dummy talk. Ah-ah sw-swear..."

Honored Son... Holy shit, it was him. It was HIM.

" _D-Donnie was right_ ," Raph rasped, barely able to breathe past the whirlwind of anger-excitement-adrenaline-bloodlust raging inside him _. "S-son... Kid... Shredder... I'm gonna-"_

Attack, fight, kill, dominate, murder... The beast was shrieking, clawing at his brain.

The figure chuckled. "Loose tongues get cut out, Reggie. Maybe it's time you learned that first hand."

It was then that Reggie tried to run, shoving hard against him and making a cut to the left like his life depended on it- which it obviously did. 

It happened in the span of two seconds. The hooded figure made an imperceptible twitch towards him. There was a blur of movement, a yell of pain, and then Reggie was pressed against the wall, with a long, glittering blade at his neck, and another between his legs.

He hadn't even seen him draw. Raph's palms itched to hold his weapons. Down below, Reggie was begging.

"I should kill you for your insolence," the figure hissed, dragging the one blade slowly across his neck, "but I think I'll just take your manhood instead. Then the punishment will fit the crime, and I'll have a nice present for my sister."

Both Raph and Casey shielded their eyes when he lunged forward with the other sword, slicing it hard and fast between Reggie's legs. Someone retched at the thick, wet sound. The man let out a bellow of agony that belonged in the tenth circle of Hell, and the rain was cut by the spray of dark red from his groin. 

_MOTHER OF G-_

_"F-fuck_ ," Casey whimpered, clutching his own crotch. _"This motherfucker's crazy."_

Raphael nodded in agreement, a sick and nauseous feeling cutting through his desire to fight. He pressed the heel of his hand against the hidden slit that housed his own junk, for once happy as hell that he was a turtle in that area.

None of the other Purple Dragons had moved an inch, but all of their attention was focused on the Elite.

"Let that be a lesson for all of you here," he said, gesturing with one blood spattered blade at the sobbing leader prone at his feet. "Karai might allow this kind of disrespect against her, but I don't. The next person to badmouth myself, my father or my sister will be lucky if all he loses is his genitals."

He paused, then continued. "Every tithe you pay to the Foot Clan will be on time or early from here on out. I'm going home, and may the God's help you if I get there before that payment does, HIS payment included." he finished.

"Understood?"

"Yes, Honored Son..." they chorused.

"Excellent."

He turned to leave, and before he was two buildings away, Raphael was following after him.


	5. Collision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph meets the Honored Son, part two.

Casey tried to grab him and stop him, but Raph was far stronger than his human friend and it was too late anyway. Everything in him was focused on Shredder's newest lackey, driving him forward and after him as he darted over the rain slick rooftops into the darkness as Casey yelled for him to come back, leaving him behind like he swore he'd never do.

He was acutely aware all at once that this was the Shredder's plan in a nutshell, this one (slightly crazier than average) asshole, and he expected HIM to take them down? One guy?

The very thought inflamed him even more, and made him want to rip into him tenfold. The beast was in control now, and it's logic was simple- kill him, end it now, here, and the family would be safe.

Easy. Simple. Quick. He was alone with no backup. One fight, face to face, let the anger take over completely, and it would be done with.

The rain was picking up. It lashed against his face like razors as he ran, warm and running down where it struck his sweaty, feverish skin. It felt and tasted like blood. The wind was loud in his ears, nearly drowned out by his own pulsing heartbeat in his head and the ominous thunder rolling a few miles away. 

"HEY!!! HONORED ASSHOLE!!!" he bellowed, the rapidly increasing storm almost canceling out his yell. He knew he was heard though- his prey stopped and turned, pinning him with a gaze he couldn't see.

The Elite's entire body was covered in the loose, black hoodie...thing, and he looked around a little smaller than Raph, but with the darkness and the way the cloak constantly shifted and undulated around his body with the wind and his every movement, it was impossible to see his exact shape underneath. 

They faced off, gauging each other silently, like two tigers meeting in the wild. He held himself like a predator, confident and cautious. It called out to the beast, challenging it, and FUCK if Raphael wanted to meet that challenge.

"Well, that's rude," the other replied. "I don't even know you."

"I know you," Raph snarled. He was shocked for a small second that the guy was completely unaffected at the way he looked, but he brushed it off as a product of having been around psycho dickweed Bishop and the Shredder's personal zoo of mutant freaks probably all his life.

"No, I think I'd remember meeting you." the Elite answered, drawing steadily closer. There was the SMALLEST hint of an Asian accent flavoring some of his words.

"We ain't ever met, but I'm gonna kill you," Raph stated.

His vision literally went red when the fucker straight up LAUGHED at him, cracking up in real amusement. "You know, hallucinogens really aren't healthy for you. I think you might be overdoing them."

"Yer Saki's brat," Raph spat, smirking when he thought he saw the other tense fractionally. "The one he sent away. His little last ditch effort ta try ta wipe me an' my family out." He was guessing, pulling stuff out of his ass, but he must have been close, because he stopped laughing immediately.

"Eavesdropping is very annoying." the other retorted, infuriatingly condescending. He almost sounded like a damn parent. "Wait- so  _you're_ one of the turtles that's been giving Karai so much trouble," he mused, tilting his head in an insectile like manner. "I've heard all about you and your vermin master. I should thank you, actually. With all the embarrassment you've been causing my sister, I'm in prime position to take over the Clan. And when that happens...you and your wretched family won't live to see another day."

"You ain't gonna get nowhere near them, cause I'm endin' this shit before it begins." Raph drew his weapons with two quick, spinning flicks.

The other was close enough now that he could see his eyes past the thick black fabric covering his face. Those eyes, a gleaming dark brown, were narrowed in both bemusement and iciness.

"Oh right, because you're going to kill me. Well, I am still stiff from my flight. I suppose I have a few minutes to spare."

He reached back and pulled his own weapons with fluid grace, unsheathing two identically shimmering katana blades. Raph had assumed Hachiwari, or at most a single Ninjaken, but this was even better.

He let a feral grin split his face and sank into a crouch, bracing his feet on the rooftop and centering his body with one sai pointing straight out in front and the other over his wrist. The Foot brat copied him, crossing one blade in front of his face and the other in front of his chest area.

Raph attacked first, lunging without pause and going straight for a head strike. He charged with a quick front swing, tucked the blade under his palm and followed with an even quicker backswing that would have torn a throat out in seconds.

His opponent was a blur as he spun away, the blades of his sai skating off the swords in a shower of sparks, and holy SHIT was he fast, nothing but a flash of black and red and silver.

Mikey was fast too though, and Raph had spent his whole life chasing his speedy little brother around the practice mats. 

He came in with a barrage of thrusts, spinning and twisting the prongs around to hit anywhere he could reach, and any other opponent would have been Swiss cheese by then, but the Foot Brat slipped each and every jab, knocking him away with lazy flicks.

The bastard was PLAYING with him.

Raph aimed a kick at his face and nearly lost a leg for his trouble, only a quick reverse roll saving him from being a crippled ass turtle as the katana whistled through the space his ankle had just occupied. 

He aimed for weak spots- eyes and throat and stomach, slashing and stabbing, but to no avail. He was soon soaked in sweat, breath coming in growls and curses as they traded blows.

The rain had hit its peak, crashing down on them in blinding torrents, and the lightning had reached them to illuminate their battle. Raphael's breath felt like fire in his chest, and the blood was roaring in his skull as he moved back in, this time going for the blades themselves.

If he could just catch the swords up...it was one of the first things Splinter had taught him, how to snap a katana, and it was his favourite trick. The beast was yearning to break free, but he held it in check and kept his cool, barely. This was the best part and he wanted to see the fear, see the anger and disbelief that always came when he broke the flimsy little weapons.

It happened in quick succesion. Raph swung upwards in a jabbing sideswipe that would have ripped the flesh off his jaw, and when the Foot Brat moved to block, not retreat, a simple twist of the prongs was all that was needed to trap the blade at the hilt and lock it in.

Raph jerked hard to the left, and with only one hand free his opponent had no choice but to follow, the other sword falling right into place to get locked into the other sai. He relaxed his grip for a millisecond and tightened it again, wrenching the swords apart and drawing a frustrated grunt out of the other male that was music to his ears.

He had him.

Raph grinned nastily while he pivoted his wrists and forced them forwards, leaning his upper body on his blades, waiting for the sweet snap, crackle, and pop of the broken katanas...

...but it never came.

The swords FLEXED under his weight in a way that regular steel had no right to do. "What...t-the f-fuck..." Raph cursed, pressing down with all his might.

To his fury and amazement, the swords stayed whole. He looked past his hands and into the Foot Brat's eyes, and he saw that there was a vicious smile there.

"Valiant effort, for such a dirty trick," he sneered.

That simple sentence was all it took, finally shattering his control. The beast finally clawed free of his brain, bringing with it the choking red haze and strange white whistle. Rage coursed though his being and he roared like a baited grizzly, finding the brute strength to shove a leg between his opponent's and bear down on him hard enough to over balance him.

He pushed forward with his whole body, forcing his opponent to give or else have his wrists broken, and Raph moved in for a crushing headbutt. His instincts anticipated the dodge, and it left him enough room and time to rip his sais away from the swords with a grating screech and slam the hilts directly into the Foot Brat's solar plexus hard enough to rupture an organ with all the strength he could muster, muscles flexing to the point of bursting.

There was a loud, dull THUNK and crunching impact as they struck something hard underneath the black cloak akin to body armor, and all the air was pushed out of his lungs as he collapsed to the roof, winded and shaking. Then it was his turn to roll to avoid a prong through the eye, as Raph stabbed downward into the only part of his face that he could see.

He flung out a leg and buckled Raph's hamstring in a brutally fast kick that brought the mutant down to a knee and allowed him to scramble to his feet.

"That's it," he snarled, angling his swords for offense. "I'm tired of this."

Raph roared again, too far gone for words, completely overtaken by the beast. It chewed his logic up and spit it out his ear, turning every technique he had been taught into a blind, blistering assault. His only desire then was to hurt him, and hurt him BADLY.

This time it was the Foot Brat that leaped forward, and instead of the dart-and-skip routine he'd been using he was actually attacking, weaving a cage of metal around the inflamed mutant.

The teeny part of Raphael NOT consumed by rage was shocked at the way his wrists moved with the swords, seemingly rotating all the way around to follow through with the complicated forms.

He drew blood with every strike, and soon the rooftop beneath their feet was slickened with scarlet. 

It was a double fronted assault. He aimed for the feet and knees, littering Raph's calves with stinging slices with one sword and finishing with vertical slashes to his plastron, moving him back.

Eventually, Raphael full on grabbed the blade and started pulling him in. He ignored the sharp edges cutting into his fingers, but not so much the punishing hilt leveled into his face when it came, crashing into his beak with the force of a hammer and making white lights explode behind his eyes.

"Enough!"

He tasted copper in the back of his throat, and the world spun dizzyingly. When it stopped, he was on his shell, with the tip of his chin balancing on the ice cold point of a katana. He froze, anger and still-pulsing adrenaline drowning out his fear.

His whole skull was vibrating with pain, but he wasn't alone. He saw that his opponent was holding his gut where there was probably a bitching bruise forming under the armor, maybe a couple broken ribs, and he was slightly curled in on himself. Raph had smashed him hard.

His words were shaky with pain when he spoke, but still mocking.

"A warrior dies fighting," he said, sliding the frigid sword so it rested on the side of Raph's neck, tenderly grazing over the pulse point in his jugular and sending electric shocks through his flesh. "And you've earned that. You deserve death just for challenging me. But I've never seen a fighter like you, and truthfully you amuse me."

Raph flinched as the sword was jerked away, and he felt a single line of hot blood trace its way sluggishly down his neck.

"I'm going to let you live, so you can go home and reflect on your mistakes." There was that damn smirk again, the one he couldn't see. "I look forward to seeing the rest of your family."

He stepped back and dipped into a bow, and by the time Raphael blinked twice, he was alone on the rooftop with the rain washing the blood from his cuts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is unbeta'd, so if you see any typos or mistakes please inform me. I go over these chapters with a fine toothed comb but sometimes I miss things.
> 
> Also, I realize that the Ninjaken is not really an AUTHENTIC ninja weapon, but I'm not that well versed in sword technicality, so I went with the comics on that one.


	6. Dysfunctional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael faces the music, and his own demons. The Honored Son has his homecoming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make the world go round...

It was one thirty in the morning by the time Casey and Raph managed to stumble back to the lair, Raph having had to lean on his human friend as the pain and spinning in his head grew with each step. He had focused enough to type in the alarm code, but his dome felt like somebody had put a metal trashcan over his head and drummed Guns and Roses songs all night. 

They had called Donnie ahead of time and when the door swung open he was there, both sleepy and scowling furiously at the both of them. Secrecy had gone out the fucking window- every light in the damned lair was on, and Mikey stood behind him, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

Raph smiled weakly and wiggled his fingers. He was so screwed. "Hey, Don. Practice ain't start yet, right?"

"Shut up and get in here, you moron." He pulled him in and ushered him straightaway into the lab, tossing a glare over his shoulder at Casey as he went. "If you're done trying to get my brother killed tonight, you can go home."

Casey flushed splotchily and mumbled something that might have been an apology. It was clear that he wanted to stay and that he was debating ignoring the genius, but sticking around meant facing a pissed off Master Splinter. And not even Casey Jones wanted to fuck with that. "I'll...I'll see ya, Raph..."

"See ya."

The door slammed shut as soon as he was past the threshold and Raph winced at the loud noise, magnified by one hundred in his rattled brain. "Jesus, Don. Tryin' ta bring the sewer down?"

"Sit down and try to look pathetic." Donatello hissed, shoving him down on the gurney. He ordered Mikey to retrieve the gauze rolls and bandages. "Maybe that'll stop Sensei from ripping your legs off and beating you with them."

Donnie started inspecting his minor injuries, pushing and prodding slightly harder than was really needed. 

Raph squinted at his brother through his headache. Despite the icy chill emanating from him and the rough way he handled him, Donnie's olive toned hands shook as he worked, and his lips were tightened into a thin, bloodless line. He swallowed hard when he started dressing a shallow cut on Raph's thigh, Adam's apple bobbing thickly. He refused to look up during the whole process, and he didn't say a mumbling word.

A knife made of guilt and twice as sharp as the Foot Brat's sword struck Raph right in the chest. He struggled with it for a minute, then relented with a heavy sigh. "Donnie-" he started, but the other turtle ignored him, seemingly anticipating his intent to speak.  

"You've got a bruise the size of Long Island in the middle of your forehead." he said briskly. "How many fingers am I holding up?" the genius ordered, tucking his thumb into his palm and leaving the other two visible.

Raph huffed in annoyance. "Two. Look, Don-"

"What state do you live in?"

"Alabama- damn Don, New York, just kidding, damn..." Raph backtracked, at the murderous expression on his face.

"What's Casey's grandmother's-"

"YOU don't know Case's grandma's name!" Raph broke in angrily, reaching the end of his already limited patience. "How the hell're ya gonna ask me some shit ya don't even know?"

"I have to check. Or would you rather slip into a hemorrhage induced coma later tonight?"

"Fer the love a'-" he clapped a hand to his beak and squeezed. "I'm seventeen, we live in subway station eight, there's twenty two freckles on Mike's face an' I know that cause we connected 'em when we were six. I'm fine and I ain't got no concussion." he growled.

"I have to check!" Donnie repeated sharply. "But maybe you're right, since you've got so much brain damage up there already. A little more can't possibly hurt."

Raph gritted his teeth and fought not to rise to the bait. This was Donnie's M.O when he was pissed; spout little barbs and insults. Hell, he even had a legit reason to be mad.

Didn't make it any easier not to smack the shit out of him for it, though. But he managed it.

"Don-ah-tel-lo," he said, enunciating the syllables, and that made the younger mutant stop short right then. Raph never called him by his full name, hadn't since they were toddlers just learning to speak. 

"What?" he snapped, still looking down. Raph grabbed his shoulder and spun his lighter frame around to face him, meeting his hazel glare full on. 

"I'm fine," he said slowly, "seriously. See-" he waved his hand, gesturing up and down his body. "Walkin' an' talkin' and breathin'. Ya need ta relax. Yer gonna give yerself a ulcer worryin' about me." He smirked slightly. "Then who's gonna stitch us up when we do dumb shit?"

"Speaking of," Donnie muttered darkly. But his tension was already relaxing, muscles unbunching and the vein on the side of his neck subsiding. 

"Ya know I c'n take care of myself," Raph pointed out, and he snorted.

"That's not the point! Sometimes I think you're addicted to danger."

 _Ya not far off, Donnie Boy._  It wasn't the danger exactly. It was more the FEELING he got, the feeling of being alive and breathing and fighting rather than sitting pretty and training and slowly dying minute by minute. But there was no way in hell he was telling Donnie that.

"I told ya I'm doin' this fer you." he said finally, scratching at the sweaty area underneath his mask. After two minutes of that it still felt itchy and sweltering. _Fuck it._ He reached behind his head and tugged the knot free, dropping the damp red fabric on the table.

The look on Donnie's face said immediately that he hadn't missed Raph avoiding the question, but to the older brother's relief he didn't push the issue, only sighed softly and gave a shake of his head. The guilt flared again, and Raph bit back an apology. He knew that Donnie wasn't angry at him so much as he was angry at his nature, and the fact that he couldn't change it. He had to leave, and Donnie knew that, but he didn't like it. 

For the first time in a long time Raph let himself realize just how worried about him his brothers were when he left. The grocery bags under Donatello's eyes said he'd barely slept even before the call, and now that he was thinking about it he might have seen a sliver of Mikey's blue eyes peeping up at him for a quick second before he'd gone out earlier. 

He wanted to be able to stay and he a good son and brother, but that meant confinement and suffocation. Just thinking the words made his flesh prickle with panic.

He couldn't do it. And he hated himself for it, for hurting them.

 _I'm doing this **for** them. I gotta remember that._ They'd be safe in the long run, even if he had to disappoint them first.

Hot pain shot up his arm and brought him back to the present as Donatello raised his arm and flipped his hand to inspect the long gash across his palm, intercepting the emerald green around it with a ragged line of red. "What in the...what did you do, grab a sword full on?" he asked, incredulous. He wet a cotton ball with something from a blue bottle and started dabbing at the cut. It burned and bubbled like fucking acid and he wanted to shout _was that shit even legal to use on open wounds_ , but Raph bit his tongue and swallowed his complaint.

At least it wasn't a needle. 

"I saw him, Donnie," Raph grinned, vicious excitement temporarily cutting through his exhaustion and head pain. 

"Saw who?" Donatello asked blankly. Raphael rolled his eyes and instantly regretted it when his dome pulsed again. "Aaagh, shit..." He rubbed his forehead, shaking it to clear it. "Damn Don, keep up! 'HIM'?"

A echo of adrenaline shivered through his bloodstream at the memory of their encounter. The parts that he could recall before he lost control made his heart pound against his ribs. He hadn't been challenged like that in a LOOONG time. Even though he was pissed he hadn't managed to kill him, he was anxious for the next time they met. 

He remembered how it had sounded when his sai hilts struck home, and the delicious gasp of pain he'd given, and a pleased shudder skittered down his spine.

"He's here?" Donnie yelped, eyes widening until the whites almost overflowed the eye holes in his violet bandana. "You saw him? You FOUGHT him?"

"Fought who?" Mikey cut in, waddling back into the lab with his arms full of medical gauze and tape that he unceremoniously dumped in a chair.

"Him! The Foot Brat!" 

"You have a NAME for him now?!"

"DUUUDE, you mean HIM?!" Mikey gasped, bouncing on his heels and cutting across Donatello's exclamation. "But he's not...Shredder said he wasn't supposed to get here for a long time! Who is he? WHAT is he? Is he like-"

"He was human, I think," Raph told them, "and he was young-ish, probly ain't no older than us. The Dragons was callin' him 'Honored Son', and I heard him say the wicked bitch was his sister."

"Good Gods," Donatello groaned. "A second Oruku child. What did we do to deserve that, I wonder..."

"How did he fight, Raph?" Mikey wheedled, shaking his shoulder in a hyper motion. "What did he-"

" **Raphael**."

 _Shitshit **shit**_.

Mikey's question died in his throat and his excited expression froze comically on his face. Everything went dead quiet, and Master Splinter made his way slowly over to the gurney where Raph was still seated, every movement and fiber of his being radiating pure, frigid anger.

His whiskers were strung tight with tension and his ears were plastered to his head, but the scariest part was how still he was. Only the very tip of his tail was moving, twitching back and forth. 

Raph tried to look him in the eye, failed, and wound up staring at his shoulder. His headache was back in full force. He felt like a naughty little kid.

"You have returned."

"Y-yeah."

"Raphael...what have you done?"

"Jus' let me-"

" **Silence**." They all flinched hard. Raph snapped his jaw shut, as scared of his Sensei as he had been in a while.

"We will discuss this alone, in the Dojo, _now._ "  _  
_

All he could do was nod, swallow, and push himself to his feet, following Splinter while his brothers watched his death march from behind.

_"Dude, he's so screwed..."_

_"Shh._.."

 His shoulders slumped, but he set his jaw defiantly as he padded info the Dojo and closed the screen. It felt like closing the lid on his own coffin. 

"Kneel."

He did. Splinter's voice was steely and sharp like a blade, detached and emotionless, but Raph could sense the anger simmering underneath almost like an odor. 

"Look at me."

He did, meeting his eyes and forcing himself to maintain his stare. Splinter stepped forward, and a thrill of fear went through Raph's chest. He could count on one hand (well maybe not, he only had three fingers, and he always had been the most wild son... maybe a hand and a foot...okay, two human hands) the number of times his father had ever hit him in his life. He really, really hoped Splinter didn't now- not because of the pain, but because he honestly didn't know what would happen afterwards.

Splinter was quiet for a long time, watching him, and Raph started to fidget in the silence, blinking hard. His headache was out of control, and now black dots were swimming in front of his eyes, leaving a nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

"I should let you suffer with that headache for the rest of the night as a reminder of your stupidity."

Raph's jaw dropped. "How did ya-?"

"Quiet!" Splinter snapped, waving a hand to shut him up. "You deliberately disobeyed me and disregarded my order. You endangered your life and, by extension, the lives of your brothers, as well as Casey Jones. Once again, your impulsive actions and bull headed stubbornness have shone a beacon of unwanted attention upon us."

He took a deep breath and continued. "However, that headache was instilled by someone with an extensive knowledge of pressure points. Doubtless, you were struck in the _Kekkan_   _Shinai_ axis between your eyes, and the flow of the blood vessel that is attached to that axis has been slowed tremendously. I would guess that you are already seeing the dark spots invade your vision." He paused to give Raph a hard look, daring him to lie.

"If I leave it unadressed, you will begin to vomit very soon, and you may lose your sight. Come here so that I may fix it."

Everything that Raph knew about pressure points wouldn't amount to jack shit, so he scrambled forward almost eagerly and kneeled again, gulping against the tide of nausea in his stomach that sloshed when he moved.

"Lean your head back," Splinter sighed resignedly. "This going to hurt. I must reset the axis. Do not move or you may make it worse." Raphael complied, and the old rat dug his fingertips directly into the heart of the pulsing bruise, kneading them in.

Raph nearly screamed- he didn't see how the fuck this was supposed to help, because the pain was now thirteen times worse. His teeth sliced down into his tongue and he tasted blood as hard shockwaves surged through his skull. It felt like his very brain was shifting and rearranging under his skin. He wanted nothing more than to push Splinter away and bash his head on the stone floor until the pain stopped, he was knocked out, or he died, whichever came first.

Right when it was becoming too much to handle, something sort of... Clicked, in his head, like a puzzle piece fitting snug back in its spot. A feeling like breathing in hot steam followed by cold water up his nose swept through his brain. When it passed, the headache and the black spots were gone, leaving only a slightly sore feeling behind.

Raph exhaled in relief and let his eyes close. "Thanks, Masta."

All he wanted now was to get in his hammock, stretch out, and dream about driving his sai through the Foot Brat's throat. Maybe slam  _his_ head into the pavement a few times like he'd done that Dragon, pay him back for the pressure point headache trick from hell.

But Splinter wasn't done. Far from it. He released Raph's face, and the cold mask was back in place over his features. "Now you will explain yourself to me. Why did you feel the need to disobey my direct order?"

The unspoken 'again' didn't really need to be said. 

 "Masta Splinta, I found him," Raph blurted. "I found him, and I know all about him. He's a katana-"

"That does not answer my question! Why did you leave when I expressly told you to stay?!"

Splinter's shout rang in his ears, and the true answer was out before he could stop it.

"Cause ya were too scared ta act!" Raph yelled. "All ya wanna do is cower down here like a cornered rat an' wait fer the exterminator! I saw a chance ta get ahead so I took it!"

"And now the Foot is aware that we have privileged information, meaning they will move to harm us even faster than before!" Splinter countered, bristled to nearly twice his size. "You flaunted your knowledge of a private conversation between Saki and his daughter, therefore eliminating any advantage we gained!"

Racing right along with the anger coursing through his veins was the sick, chilling realization that his father might have been right, that he'd done more harm than good by challenging the Foot Brat almost minutes after Shredder talked him up.

_Hindsight really is a bitch._

"I..." Raphael started, mouth suddenly dry. "Sensei, 'm sorry...I was just angry an' I thought-"

"Always sorry, Raphael," Splinter injected harshly, "and always making excuses! I long for the day when you finally begin to think before your act and take responsibility for your selfish actions, particularly when they affect more than just you!"

He was trying to apologize, what the hell else did he want?!

And apologize for _what_ , exactly? No one had gotten hurt but him...Donnie and Mikey had been safe at home in bed when he went looking for answers. The more he thought about that, the angrier Raphael became.

"I wasn't bein' selfish!" Raph defended. "What's the big deal? Tha only person that got hurt was me, I ain't force them ta come with me! I'M the one gettin' sliced up!" 

"Your self _destructive_ behaviour is just as bad as your self _serving_ behavior!" Splinter yelled, matching him tone for tone. "You hold the title of leader, but a leader is calm and selfless, patient and obedient! You purposely refuse to be these things! Your brother-"

He cut himself off swiftly, but it was too late. Those two little words at the end cut deeper into Raphael than anything he'd said before, because he knew that Splinter wasn't talking about Donatello or Michelangelo.

"Which brother, Sensei?" Raph rasped. He was teetering right on the brink of the conversation, on the edge of no return. Every cell in his body was wound like a spring. 

Splinter tried to stop it, he really did, and Raph saw that. It made no difference- his eyes still slid involuntarily to the side, to the little funeral altar that sat in silent judgement in the corner. The movement was only a split second, but Raph saw it, and it broke him.

Like it always did. 

"I DIDN'T _WANT_ TA BE THA DAMN LEADER IN THA FIRST PLACE!" he screamed, reaching his boiling point and leaving it behind in the dust. "You _made_ me take it!"

"I _CHOSE_ YOU!"

"Because _he_ wasn't here?!" Raph snarled, flinging out an accusing hand at the altar. "Because I was tha next one in line!?"

"Leave, Raphael!"

"I bet ya wish it woulda been me," Raph hissed, anger making him cruel. "Ya wanted it ta be me that died...he woulda been a better leader since he was so fuckin' perfect and ya loved him so much more-"

He didn't see Splinter's hand move, but the sharp sting of the slap across his beak was unmistakable, and he knew it wasn't because of the curse.

"Get out of my sight," Splinter demanded, clutching hard at the front of his robes and sounding like he'd aged two hundred years. "Leave me."

Eyes smarting, Raph wasted no time in turning on his heel and storming out of the dojo as quickly as he could. He slammed the screen closed, but a small choking noise behind his shell made him pause despite himself. He turned halfway, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Splinter sink to his knees beside the tiny altar, running a shaking hand over the faded strip of blue fabric laid across it.

Another scream built itself in his throat and his eyes were suddenly blurry. Ignoring Donnie and Mikey, who'd fled the lab when they heard the noise, he ran upstairs as quickly as his feet could carry him.

He kicked the door to his room closed so fast it rattled the frame dangerously. All he could do was stand in the middle of the floor, too angry to move, needing and wanting to do too much at once but feeling like if he did anything he would explode.

He needed to scream. He wanted a drink. He needed to hit something. He wanted to get out of here.

The scream pulsed in his throat, and he ripped open the top drawer of his dresser, half blind with enraged tears and finding the razor mostly by touch. Just closing his fingers around it lessened the pressure increasing inside him, and when the tiny blade was finally tearing into his arm, it lessened even more.

Only this worked, when the hatred that overwhelmed him was towards himself. When he had no one else to take it out on, when he could hurt the beast for making him hurt others. Only this.

After so many years of doing this, the roadmap under his armguards was tried and true, and he followed it dilegently, tracing the lighter colored lines with familiar speed. The pain wasn't even pain, really, it was release. With every splash of blood that escaped, the tension escaped with it.

Selfish. _slllickt_. Stubborn. _slllickt_. Hothead. _slllickt._ AssholeFreakForeverfuckingAlone.

 _SllllicktSllllicktSllllickt_.

His vision blurred once again and he blinked furiously to clear the sting. He wouldn't cry. He WOULD NOT FUCKING CRY. Raphael Hamato did not fucking cry. Crying was ugly and weak and pathetic. Crying was for girls and babies and weaklings, not for him.

Raphael was the leader, and the oldest son, but it hadn't always been like that. He knew Splinter was downstairs sobbing over the grave of the first son, their unnamed brother that died when they were babies.

First son had been the oldest, the perfect leader, everything Splinter wanted Raphael to be- patient and kind and wonderful, and Raphael knew everything he did and ever had done was being compared to his stupid dead brother that he'd never measure up to, never be loved as much as he was.

But it was fine. He'd learned to live with the shadow, and made do with only a fraction of his father's affection. 

Again and again he cut until the thick, throbbing pain in his arms was his entire world, dragging the blade through his skin until he couldn't focus on how horrible he felt inside. He cut until the anger and everything else was bled out of him, until he felt...not better, but less worse.

Empty. Safe.

The razor fell from his leaden fingers and dropped to the floor with a sharp, ringing clatter. His lids dropped dully over his eyes and he swayed on his knees, He was dizzy, and drained, and it was all he could do to nudge his cure back under the dresser with a twitch of his foot and stagger over to collapse into his hammock, green tinted blood dripping to the floor in small puddles from slowly congealing wounds that would be on their way to healing by morning.

* * *

 "Stand."

From her vantage point on her father's left side, Karai watched the black clad figure kneeling in front of the gilded Foot Throne rise and straighten into a full standing position. Her lips were fixed in a frozen facsimile of a joyous smile and her eyes were carefully blank. She heard the Shredder shift slightly above her and felt his eyes boring into her head, and her smile grew, painfully stretched over her cheeks.

"Brother," she trilled sweetly, walking towards him with slim arms outstretched. The other Elite obliged and folded her into an embrace, squeezing her just a little too tightly.

"You've grown so much," she muttered into his ear, low enough to be considered tender and loud enough to be audible to the rest of the room. "What were they feeding you over there? Kibbles and Bits?"

His arms tensed around her to the point of being uncomfortable, but then he stepped back and gazed at her as if admiring her. "You look tired, Sister. I think you might be working too hard. Maybe you need a break." His tone was smiling, but his dark eyes were frigid and leering. When they swept up and down her body in a blatant display only she could see, she prayed that the angry red flush that filled her cheeks passed for happiness. She went to pull away and he held his grip on her for a split second more, pressing his fingers hard into her hip even as she dug her nails into his arm as a warning. 

"My son," Shredder rumbled, returning all attention to himself. "I trust your journey was well passed. Remove your coverings. I would look upon your face after so long."

Karai realized that he was still holding her, and she used all of her self control to step demurely out of his arms instead of shoving him hard to the floor and delivering a few choice kicks into his throat. For now, at least, appearance was everything, and they had to _appear_ happy and pleasant.

The Elite bowed at the waist and reached up to pull down his hood, undoing the thick black cloth wrapped around his head. When it was done, his true face was revealed- a mutant turtle, young and handsome, with skin the color of oak leaves and deep brown irises framed by a pitch black eye mask.

"Leonardo," Saki sighed, leaning back in his seat. "It is truly good to have you back, my son."

Leonardo shot a glance at Karai, and his lips twitched. "It's good to be back, Father."

* * *

 "How long are you staying?"

Leonardo paused in removing the rest of his clothing and turned halfway to meet Karai's unreadable gaze. She was leaning casually against his doorframe, toeing at a spot on the carpet, but despite her carefree posture his eyes immediately darted to the Tessen holstered at her hip. She met his gaze evenly, confirming that she had seen him notice her weapon.

He gave a small smirk and raised an eyeridge. "Ready to get rid of me already, _Ane_?"

Karai smiled with honeyed venom and didn't answer, prompting him to roll his eyes. "Don't worry. I'll only be here as long as it takes for me to fix your mess."

The smile dropped from her face like a lead balloon, and she pushed herself completely upright faster than a snake striking. "Excuse me? My _mess_?" Her fingers drifted down to brush the bladed metal fan.

He stared back just as coolly. "Yes, your mess. How hard is it exactly to kill three barely trained turtles and an elderly rat? Not very, yet you keep failing. THAT is why I'm here. That, and the...other operation."

"I have _that_ under control. And I suppose _some_ mutants are simply, particularly, irritatingly difficult  to squash." she snapped, white cheeks going pink again. Her hand grasped the weapon in earnest.

"Adult," Leonardo snorted, facing her fully, "very adult. I'd love to play this game with you but I'm tired and jet lagged, so if you're going to attack me please get it over with so I can go to bed." He raised one three fingered hand to scratch at his neck with blunt nails, but she saw the small movement for what it truly was- him placing his hand closer to the black hilt of one of the twin katanas strapped to his carapace.

Her face smoothed suddenly, and she clasped her hands behind her back. "Why would I attack you?" she asked, the question ladden thick with innocence. She cocked a slim eyebrow of her own and rose up on her toes, disdainful. "You look battered enough already. The last thing I would want to do is add to your discomfort."

Leonardo looked down at himself and saw that she had glimpsed the dark edge of the enormous bruise spreading over the center of his bony plastron, leaking onto the forest green skin surrounding the hard plate and staining it a mottled violet and indigo. "One of your turtle friends," he retorted. "I met him coming into the city. I underestimated him." he shrugged. "It won't happen again."

"Oh, I hope not." Karai simpered sarcastically. "As I was saying, I won't attack you. That would upset Father, and seeing how our lives depend on his happiness, it would have a bad effect for me."

"What a relief," Leonardo droned, finally unbuckling his swords and propping them against the stand on the opposite wall. "Anything else?"

"Stay out of my way tomorrow. I've got a good start and I don't need you ruining it. You'll leave my guard, my platoons, and my special forces alone." she ordered.

"Father doesn't seem to think so, but fine. Anything else _important_?"

She glared at him for a minute longer, thousands of emotions and memories festering just under the surface of her skin. She hadn't only been being insulting earlier- he HAD grown a lot. His limbs were filled out with sleek, compact muscle, and he was at least two feet taller than what she remembered. He now dwarfed her in height and width. A crimson Foot insignia, one that matched hers exactly, was tattooed artfully into the green flesh of his shoulder where before there was only smooth skin.

With a jolt she realized that he must have been seventeen now, nearly eighteen. And he looked it, exuding a juvenile version of the deadly confidence the Shredder himself carried.

She wanted to do many things at once, the least two of which would be to stab him and throw herself into his arms. Truthfully, honestly, she had missed him. 

He must have seen the sentiment in her expression, because his eyes softened fractionally. "I did miss you, you know."

Karai immediately bristled, pissed beyond reason at him having seen her moment of weakness. "I did _not_ miss you," she spat.

As she turned to leave, she heard him chuckle behind her, a deep rumbling sound so far removed from the babyish giggle she remembered that it made her throat go dry.

"By the way," he called after her, "the Dragons seem to have alarming information about how flexible you are. You might want to look into it."

Leonardo barely managed to slam the door closed and avoid the three perfectly aimed shruiken that sank deep into the wood seconds later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ane: Sister


	7. Reset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One turtle acclimates, the other covers up the wounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortish chapter to get the plot moving a bit. You may want to pay attention. *raises eyebrows*
> 
> Kudos cause smiles, but Comments are the cause of spontaneous happy dancing.

The next morning Raph was up earlier than anyone. He really wanted to sleep in until he couldn't any more, but if he did he knew Don and Mikey would be clucking and pecking at his door. He could ignore that, but it wasn't like they didn't know how to pick a lock if they were worried enough.

So he did what he usually did after one of his _super amazing_ nights- forced himself to get up an hour before even Sensei and start pretending that last night was anything other than normal.

He scrubbed the crusty bloodstains leftover from his cutting binge clean from the stone floor, rubbed the long, ragged slices on his arms with some antibiotic goop he swiped from Donnie's lab, and rewrapped them under his armbands so they wouldn't show. 

The lair was still steeped in shadow and silence by the time he was hauling his red stained sheets to the washing machine. An ironic smirk managed to break through his unfeeling fog as he tipped the detergent in. 

When his brothers had to do this, it was because they'd had a hot date with their right hands the night before. When HE had to do this, it was for a whole other reason. 

Hilarious.

 _Or not_. 

While the drier was running, he decided he might as well go all the way and take a shower before anyone else used up the hot water. 

The neon lights were harsh in the early morning when he flipped them on, making him squint and blink a few times. Raphael stared at himself blankly in the mirror.

_I look like shit._

His dark green complexion was pale and chalky, streaked with dried blood, and his eyes were ringed with exhaustion. Sensei used to call him "Fire Child" when he was little because of the color of his eyes, but right then his amber irises looked less like fire and more like watery piss. 

 _Yeah, you're a looker alright_.

He looked past his reflection at the mirror itself, at the warp leftover in the glass that they'd never been able to fix after he'd put his fist through it when he was twelve.

_With a sparkling personality to boot. Who wouldn't want a piece of you?_

The warp curled his lip and squished his eye unflatteringly, making the side of his face look twisted and weird. 

It was like the beast was looking back out at him, sneering at him.

He exhaled, filling his reflection with steamy clouds before shaking his head and reaching over to turn on the shower.

* * *

By the time Mikey dragged himself out of bed and downstairs, Raphael was already sitting at the table slurping down his breakfast.

"Aw, what?" the youngest exclaimed, fiddling with the knot securing his mask to his head. "Dude, I was gonna cook today."

Raph shrugged and shoveled in another spoonful of cornflakes and orange juice. It was cold and crunchy and sour running down his throat. "Good thing I'm eatin' now, ain't it?"

"Heh heh heeh," Mikey snarked, pulling a face. "Yer a comedy-ic genius, Bart. Seriously dude, you're throwing off my mojo."

"Go 'head and make somethin'." Raph mumbled. "I ain't stoppin' ya." He kept his eyes on his food while his little brother started bustling around behind him. It was different then usual though. Normally Mikey would be humming little tunes to himself like a housewife, but this time he was silent, and even without looking at him Raph could sense he was tense.

Raph swirled his spoon around the orange and brown mixture in his bowl and wiped his mouth. It was coming, he knew it. It was just a matter of when.

Five minutes of silence... ten... And then-

"H-hey, dude?"

Aaaand there it was.

 _Damnit_.

"What, Mike."

Mikey swallowed audibly and slid into the seat next to him like he was about to disarm a bomb... Or die trying. He twirled a wooden spatula nervously between his fingers, and there was a brown-red blush rising on his cheeks. "Are you... Are you alright dude? After... After last night?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Raph snapped, a little more quickly than he wanted. 

Mikey flinched, but stayed the course. "I was just asking, you know. I mean, we heard...we heard you guys arguing, and it got kind of screamy, a-and then you brought up-"

" ** _He_** brought that up, Mikey," Raph spat, glowering down into his cereal. " **He** started with that 'Yer perfect brother wouldn't'a done this' bullshit. Not me."

Mikey bit his lip and leaned against his shoulder, ignoring Raph's annoyed grumble and half hearted attempt to shake him off. "He doesn't mean that, Raph."

"Yes he does. He wishes I was him. Better yet, he wishes I was tha one that kicked it."

"That's not fair, man." Mikey grimaced. "Dad loves all of us, you know that."

"As long as we're doin' exactly what he says," Raph hissed. "We can't even remember we _had_ anotha brother. Why can't he jus' forget him?"

"Would you forget me or Don if we died?" Mikey said quietly, blue eyes big and serious. Raph avoided his gaze and took another bite of cereal. He almost gagged. It tasted bitter now. He pushed the bowl away roughly.

They all knew Mikey wasn't dumb, no matter how numb skulled he liked to act sometimes. His vocabulary might never be Ivy League level, but Michelangelo was more than pizzas and video games and skateboards. 

Even still, he liked it better when Mikey was being stupid. Stupid Mikey didn't dig deep and ask painful ass questions that even Raph himself didn't know the answer too.

"That's different Mike. Ya don't understand. Ya ain't had some dead baby hanging over yer head yer whole life." 

 Mikey shook his head. "We see that thing every day dude, just like you do. He was our brother too."

"It's different." Raph insisted. "I was s'posed ta be him, and I ain't. But I'm done talkin' about it. I'm fine, so beat it." There was no real malice in his tone, just weariness, so Mikey nodded and patted his shoulder before getting back up to check the eggs.

Donatello was the next to enter the kitchen, crusty eyed with the imprint of his keyboard stamped into his cheek and a chew marked pencil lodged into the side of his bandana. He mumbled a sleepy half hello and stumbled over to the coffee maker, turning it on more by instinct and memory than sight.

Splinter came in second after, and Raph busied himself with tracing the grains running through the wood of the table.

 " _Ohayo,_  my sons." 

"Mrrrn'ng, Snssei..."

"Hey, Sensei."

"...."

"Raphael..."

_Fuckin' figures._

"What?"

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Splinter's ear twitch at his tone. "Since you decided to enjoy yourself so fully last night, both without permission and without your brothers, I think it would be best if you remain in the lair for the next three weeks."

Doing nothing but breathing stale air and staring at the ceiling for three weeks. Raph shuddered. He could damnear feel his own blood slowing down and clogging in his veins.

It wasn't fair either, being grounded for almost a month for NOT taking his brothers. If he had, he would have gotten LONGER for putting them in danger. He clenched his spoon in his fist and tried to breathe deeply as the metal heated under his palm.

"And since we are a team," Splinter continued, addressing the others, "and being a team means being a unit, we shall all stay here with you. Perhaps the next time one of you decides to disobey orders, the other two will remember this and remind him of the correct path." The others groaned and bitched, but it wasn't like they had a choice. 

Leaving his bowl half full on the table, Raph shoved his chair back and made his way silently to the dojo. No one stopped him.

* * *

"Thank you for choosing The Jade Dragon restaurant, please come again soon!"

Hiroshi Gorou smiled brightly as he handed his first customers of the day their order and waved them out of the store, closing the cash register as he did so. He patted it proudly, knowing it would be full to bursting before noon. His restaurant had never been doing better. Family owned and authentic, he was twice as succesful as he'd been in Japan.  

The man smoothed his thinning grey hair back from his temples and turned his eyes to the framed "Best Asian Cuisine" plaque on the wall, next to the picture of his wife and son, the second and third lights of his life. 

A small shiver crawled down his spine. If only he could cut ties with those horrible people, then his livelihood might truly be secure, and he might truly be happy.

The tiny bell hanging from the front door tinkled again, shaking him out of his morose thoughts. He plastered another jolly expression on his face and clapped his hands together, greeting his new customer, a thin, pretty girl with cheekbones that could cut and short sleek hair. 

" _Konichiwa_ , and welcome to Jade Dragon! How may I help you?"

"I'll have the Crab Rangoon Dumplings, Mustard Bean Rolls... and two million dollars, please."

Gorou looked up from the order pad in confusion, and his eyebrows pulled together. "W-what?"

The girl smiled, and he realized that she wasn't so much a girl as a young woman, wearing black jeans and a black leather jacket. She leaned over the counter into his personal space. "Hello, Mr. Gorou. My name is Oruku Karai. We spoke over the phone a few weeks ago."

The smile slipped from his face, and he went completely white. It was them, those horrible people. They'd come for him at last.

He was too stunned and frightened to talk, so she talked for him, still smiling her sugar and poison grin. "I see from your face that you remember. That's good. Do you also remember that you owe the Foot Clan around two million dollars in loans and interest?" When he still didn't answer, she raised an eyebrow and gestured with her pointed chin at the notepad lying forgotten in his hand. "I believe I ordered some food, sir. To go, if you'd please. I'm a busy lady."

Gorou inhaled shakily and fixed the girl with a glare that was part pleading and part outrage. "I told you before, and those thugs that came to destroy my restaurant. I do not have the money, and I can't be intimidated into producing something that I don't have!"

He turned and shouted her order angrily back to the kitchen in Japanese. He started to tell his cooks to call the police (which was what had saved his restaurant when the Purple Dragon thugs had come) but when he remembered that she had spoken on the phone with him in perfectly fluent Japanese, he stilled his tongue.

She continued. "Your account records disagree, Mr. Gorou. We helped you build this place, helped you keep it open. Because of us, your brilliant little son now attends private school, your wife quit her job, and you rake in thousands a week." The girl shrugged delicately. "You owe your entire life to us."

"I need more time." Gorou whispered. "I send money home...my family, my father passed. Please-"

Her smile grew until he could see her canines, white and perfect, making her look predatory. "We have given you multiple chances and reminders, Mr. Gorou. This little restaurant has been marked for a while, and recent issues have drawn our attention away, but the Foot Clan always collects it's due."

Desperation swelled in the man's voice. " I will go to the police! They will stop you! This is illegal. I have rights as an American citizen!"

She laughed, a light, happy sound. "That would be a very, very bad idea. Money laundering is also illegal, and incidentally, not ensured by the Constitution."

The pad fell from his hands as he started in shock. "M-money l- I have done no such thing!"

"Who do you think the "External Venue" was that's been handling your taxes and expenses for the past five years?" she laughed, shaking her head. "We gave you prosperity and peace of mind. The fact of the matter is, it is time to repay that kindness, and you are out of extra time."

The kitchen bell rang, punctuating her words, and her order was sat on the ledge. Gouru grabbed it and flung it in her face, and she caught it gracefully.

"You have three days before we return. If you can't pay then, things will get...complicated." She hefted the bag over her shoulder and wiggled her fingers playfully at him, turning on her heel and walking out, leaving him shaking in her wake.

Once on the street, she turned briskly and headed for the alleyway behind the restaurant. She leaned on the wall and started poking through the takeout bag.

"What did he say?"

Karai looked up disinterestedly at the previously uninhabited canopy above her head. Concealed completely in a large navy blue hoodie and oversized denim jeans, Leonardo lounged against the bricks.

Karai huffed and ran a hand through her hair. "He claimed he couldn't pay."

"How much time did you give him?"

"Three days. I think it was pretty generous, considering he's six years late."

Leonardo made a small noise of agreement and lifted his head, squinting up into the early morning sunlight.

"We add him to the list, then?"

"Of course."

"It'll grow by the hour, no doubt." He smirked and shook his head, watching her dig ravenously into her food. "Why am I here, Karai?" he asked. "It's daylight. I'm not helping you collect, so why did you drag me out here so early?"

"Aw, poor baby. Are you still sleepy?" she mocked. He hadn't said so, but she knew for herself that he had developed a nocturnal lifestyle since leaving, for obvious reasons. That added to the opposite time zones must have been hell on him to adjust to, and no small part of her was immensely pleased at that.

He glared at her, and Karai sighed, long and suffering. "Believe me, I would have left you at the Tower. But Father thinks you need to learn the city."

He snorted softly. "I can do that by studying a street map in my own room. The company would have been better."

Karai sneered at him for the dig. She knew she hadn't been pleasant. She hadn't been _trying_ to be pleasant. The childish part of her hoped that maybe if she was nasty enough, he might get discouraged and leave the country altogether.

She raised a shoulder, unwilling to agree with him verbally. "I couldn't care less whether you know Sixteenth and Manhattan from Broadway, but that's what he wants."

The unspoken statement passed between them. The Shredder always got what he wanted.

She suddenly tossed the still warm takeout bag at him without looking in his direction. "Here."

He stared at her and didn't touch it. " _You_ brought _me_ food?"

"It was on the house."

Leonardo eyed her suspiciously and sifted through it, sniffing and grimacing. She'd meticulously and purposely picked out and eaten all of the dumplings, leaving him the mustard bean rolls.

Of course.

"You know I'm allergic to mustard, Karai," he huffed, standing up. 

"Are you?" she said airily, but the glint in her eye told him she knew very well. "I must have forgotten. My mistake."

She sucked a bit of dumpling filling off the tip of her finger slowly and walked away, motioning for him to follow.

A growl rumbled low in Leonardo's chest, and the bag sailed into a dumpster before he was melting back into the shadows.


	8. River in Egypt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Braniacs can be so moody, and April offers the boys a get out of jail free card.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another sort of filler. More action and tension coming right up next. 
> 
> The song at the end is "Day and Nite" by Kid Cudi.

"O'Neil!"

"Yes, Jerry!"

"You got that fish market draft for me yet?"

Shit. April bit her lip and sucked in a deep breath through her nose, cursing the mountains of undone paperwork towering over her desk. "N-Not yet, no..."

"I want it on my desk by three or you can consider yourself unemployed!"

April gave her green eyes a roll and turned back to her computer. Jerry had been her editor for eight years and he was always threatening to can her, but she knew she was his favourite reporter so the threat was mostly empty.

...mostly. If she kept falling behind on her stories though, she'd be circling adds in the classifieds before long.

April sighed and twisted her wedding ring around on her finger, watching the lights from her computer sparkle off the diamonds. She had become so busy lately. She was hardly ever at home and when she was, all she did was sleep and work more.

She glanced at the framed picture on her desk guiltily, and the sweet smile her little boy was beaming back at her from behind the glass. Her lips twitched and stroked the frame, sighing.

It was worth it, though. In addition to her regular work she was doing a HUGE story that was the first of its kind, and if she pulled it off it would shake the city to it's core and make it a safer place for her family in the long run. 

But the research was extensive and tiring, and also more than a little dangerous. She hadn't even told the guys or Casey about it, and she wouldn't until the very end, when they could no longer stop her. They'd only worry, like they always had, but they'd thank her if it panned out. 

April ran her fingers through her red ponytail and tapped her nails on her keyboard, giving herself a shake to refocus on the present. 

Three o clock... Jerry wanted the story about salmonella in the fish market by three, but she needed to get home by two, when the Preschool bus dropped Cody off at the apartment. There was no way she could do both, and Casey was working late tonight.

April groaned and rubbed her head before dropping it down on her desk, feeling like plastic wrap stretched tight over the hole in the ozone layer. She had to be here, but she also had to be there for her baby and for the appointment an hour later and she had no babysitter-

-or did she?

Her head shot up, and she grinned widely. She had no HUMAN babysitters, but there were three mutant turtles that she knew for a fact loved her son and wouldn't be busy later, and who also owed her more favors than she could remember.

April reached for her phone, laughing quietly to herself when she imagined the look on Cody's face when he realized that his favourite "Green Superhero Uncles" were watching him.

* * *

"Crane form one!"

"Hai!"

"Crane form two!"

"Hai!"

Raph barked out the preliminary practice forms and sank into the position- foot back, torso turned, knees fluid, arms raised in defense- as Donnie and Mikey echoed assent and copied him flawlessly. 

"Crane form six- yeah, Mike, **_six,_ ** not three. Pay attention."

While Donnie had angled one hand swiftly behind his back and the other straight in front of his face, perfectly balancing an invisible bo staff, Mikey had automatically went into form three.

He stuck his tongue out and corrected himself with an unapologetic smile. Raph rolled his eyes and continued, trying to ignore Splinter as he cruised silently behind him, observing everything. He sighed in his chest and cast a longing glance at his punching bag hanging lonely and wanton in the corner.

Talk about what he'd much rather be doing...

The feeling of stagnant suffocation was already setting in, and they were only five days into their (his) punishment. He hadn't seen Casey or the outside world in all that time and it was starting to drive him nuts.

Not to mention Splinter was riding his ass about every little thing... If it rained, he'd find some way to blame it on him...

"Mantis six!"

A sai form; fingers spread, elbows bent, balance transferred to the-

"OHSHELLOHSHELLOH-ooof-!"

-toes. Mikey had risen too fast and ended up overcorrecting right on his face, planting his beak with a loud smack into the tatami mats. 

"That's what ya ass gets," Raph snarked, grinning while Donnie hid a snicker in his elbow. "Thirty push ups while yer down there."

"Dude, I think I've been punished enough!" Mikey whined, rubbing the sore spot on his face. 

"Ya wanna make it fifty? I got time."

Mikey groaned and moaned, but he rolled to his hands and knees.

"You should not have moved to Mantis so soon after the Crane forms, Raphael," Splinter chided disapprovingly from the back. 

Raph fought the urge to roll his eyes. Of all the times he hated being scolded, during practice and in the dojo was the worst.

He mumbled an apology, and they waited in almost easy silence for Mikey to finish his pushups before assuming their positions again. 

"Crane eig-"

The sound of April's ringtone ringing out from Donnie's shell cell cut off his next shout. They relaxed again as he reached down to answer it.

"Dude, I'm SO telling April you set her ringtone to 'Girl on Fire'," Mikey laughed, sitting cross legged on his tatami mat. 

"It should prob'ly be somethin' like 'The one that Got Away'," Raph chuckled at the blush that quickly spread over his brothers olive cheeks. Donnie swore he didn't like April anymore, but nobody believed him.

"I'm past that, and you know that." Donnie argued, and they both snorted in matching disbelief.

"Right, right, of course dude. It's not like you wanted to kiss her-"

"-an' date her-"

"-and marry her-"

"-an' have kids with her-"

"-or stroked out when she hugged you-"

"Simpletons- hello, April. No, just Raph and Mikey being crude. Nothing out of the ordinary," the genius deadpanned, turning away with a roll of his hazel eyes as the other two made kissy faces in his direction. "No, we were just practicing. Why, what's going on?"

 He listened for a little while, and then the friendly smile on his face slowly faded into an uncomfortable expression. 

"Um... I don't know, April... No, we're not busy, but Sensei wants us to stay home for the next little while..."

Raph perked up at that, trying not to look too interested. It sounded like April wanted them to do something for her, something that required going OUTSIDE, and that was music to his freaking ears.

Donnie glanced at the rest of his family and bit his lip, worrying it with his teeth. 

"I'm not sure I can say whether or not-...I know, I know, we owe you for the fridge incident, but...-"

Splinter stepped forward and held out his hand for the phone, which Donnie gratefully passed over.

"April," the old rat began. "What is it you need from us?" He was quiet for a while, then nodded once. "I see. We will discuss it, and Donatello will call right back with our answer."

He hung up, handed the phone back to Don, and tucked his hands calmly into the sleeves of his robes.

"What'd she say?" Raph blurted quickly.

Splinter turned to him. "April wants you three to watch over young Cody later tonight. Apparently, Casey has to work, and she will not be home until at least ten o clock."

"We can, right?" Raph cut in, wincing inside at how desperate he sounded even to himself.

Splinter gave him a look. "April has aided us on many occasions," he said slowly, "and I see her as my own daughter."

The 'but' in the sentence had Raph gritting his teeth. "And?"

"And I know you enjoy spending time with Cody. But I seem to recall that you are confined to this lair as punishment for disobeying me." Splinter finished.

He had to play this quick and smart, or else the only thing he'd get out of this was another screaming match and two more weeks of shitty air.

Raph shrugged, hiding his excitement under gruff nonchalance. "I neva said I wanted ta watch a hyper little kid tonight. It ain't exactly a night on the town."

_Nailed it._

Splinter nodded. "Indeed. But it is still 'out'."

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale...

_Stay calm, Raph, stay calm..._

He opened his mouth to respond, maybe ninety five percent positive he could do it without something he didn't want coming out, but then BLESSEDLY Donnie came in with his own two cents.

"But Sensei, we'll just be in an apartment." the second youngest pointed out. "We won't be relaxing, and we won't be able to go anywhere. It's not the lair, but it's not out either. And we'll be coming straight back."

Splinter looked thoughtful, and Raph wanted to give Donnie a hug. He clamped his teeth down into his lip, in case he messed everything up.

"...I suppose I see your point, Donatello. You may go, and come **straight** home as soon as April returns." 

_Halle-FUCKING-lujah!!!_

_"_ Of course, Sensei."

"Sure, Sensei."

"No problem, Masta." Raph dipped his head along with them, fighting a triumphant smile. Inside he was doing one of Mikey's victory dances, complete with pelvic thrusts.

Splinter shook his head wryly, making his beard sway. "It is now time for me to watch my stories. Cody does not return from preschool until two. I believe there is still time for you to finish practice. Raphael?"

"R-right. Back in line!"

They scrambled into position, and Raph waited until he heard the TV in the other room and the sounds of the opening credits to  _Days of Our Lives_ before rounding on his brother with a beaming smile, golden eyes glittering. "Don, I swear I could kiss ya."

"He'd like it better coming from _Aaap-riiiil_ ," Mikey cooed. 

To Raph's surprise, Donnie didn't smile. He was staring down at his feet and looked slightly constipated. "Let's just... finish practice, please."

Raph's smile faded slightly, and he raised an eye ridge. "Don? Ya alright over there?"

Donnie shook his head, dismissing the question. "Forget it. You got what you wanted, didn't you?"

Raph stared at his brother, who was refusing to meet his eyes. 

"Don, what-"

"Jeez, is it that time of the month?" Mikey broke in with a snort. "I think your tampon's in too far, Donnie."

Raph winced when he saw Donatello tense, and he turned to glare at the youngest. "Shut up, Michelangelo." he spat.

When Mikey's face darkened, Raph quickly stepped in between them. "Hey, hey, what the hell?" he asked loudly, glaring at them back and forth. Small bickers, sure, but Donnie and Mikey actually fighting? Not so much. "The fuck is yer damage, braniac?"

The olive turtle worked his jaw, glaring at the floor like it was talking shit about his I.Q score. "I don't like April." he spat finally. 

"Alright, ya don't like April. Chill out." Raph huffed. He privately thought that was a dumbass thing to get pissed about, especially since they all knew how Mikey was, but whatever.

He almost flinched when Donnie turned on HIM, seconds away from snarling.

"Really? You're one to talk. I don't even think you know the meaning of the phrase 'Chill Out'."

Raph blinked, too stunned to even get angry, and stood there in silence as Donnie whirled and left the dojo. He and Mikey both jumped when they heard the lab door slam shut a few minutes later.

"Man... Are we out of Columbian Roast or something?" Mikey muttered, pulling a face.

"Hell if I know, Mike." Raph sighed, shrugging. Donnie had always been the weird one. "One a' his nerd projects probably ain't workin' right. Jus' leave him alone fer a while."

Mikey let out a mumble of agreement and ran his eyes around the room. "Sssooo... Do we still have to practice?"

Raph shook his head, grinning when he remembered their impending outing later. "Nah. Do what ya want. We're done."

"Sweet!"

He raced out of the dojo to go do... Whatever the hell it was that Mikey did. Raph chuckled and rolled his eyes, finally turning to his punching bag and feeling his spirits lift with each step he took towards it.

He pulled his cell and ear buds out of his belt, the tempo of his punches matching the rhythm of the first song as it started pounding through his head. His eyes narrowed, and the pleasant vibrations of the hits rattled through his bones, making him shiver pleasantly as he put Donnie and his weirdness out of his brain.

Calm. Peace. Punches. Nirvana.

  _'~Day and night~ (What what)_

_I toss and turn, I keep stressin' my mind, mind~_

_I look for peace, but see I don't attain~ (what what)_

_Madness to magnet keeps attracting me, me~_

_I try to run but see I'm not that fast~ (what what)_

_I think I'm first but surely finish last, last...~'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make up ninety nine percent of a writer's diet.


	9. Baby, Light my Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ninjas are the worst babysitters ever, and Leo and Karai do sibling bonding over federal arson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer one! The plot picks up after this next battle.
> 
> I've never written from Raph's POV before- honestly, he's my least favorite turtle, hence the torture fic- but I'm trying to get his character right. If I'm not doing well, don't hesitate to tell me (nicely, if you'd please.)
> 
> All translations will be in end notes.

Cody was running to meet them the second Raph, Donnie and Mikey appeared in the window, chattering and darting around his father's feet before they hit the ledge.

"Uncle Raph! Uncle Donny! Uncle Mikey! I'm so glad you came I have so much to tell you!" He said this all very fast, hugging their legs tight while they ruffled his messy red hair and struggled out of their hoods and jeans.

Raph didn't need to fake the smile that spread over his face, or imagine the genuine warmth that flooded his spirit at the sight of his little human nephew. Cody was like a living elevator. He had a way of taking someone's mood, no matter how utterly shitty it was, and lifting it up, just by being himself and acting like there was no one else on the planet he'd rather see.

"Heeey, Bug! How ya been?" he laughed, scooping him up effortlessly and turning him upside down, swinging him around while Cody squealed and giggled in delight.

"I lost a tooth!" he told them, smiling as wide as he could to show them the small space in his top row. "It came out when I was eating a apple at lunch. Mommy said we can put it under my pillow and the tooth fairy is gonna come and give me money."

Raph peered closer and whistled. "Yep, that's straight up enormous. Guess I gotta start callin' ya Gap, huh?"

Cody beamed like that was the most genius thing in the world. "Ooh, ooh, guess what? I got second place in my karate tournament! They gave me a medal!"

"That's awesome, little dude!" Mikey said, slapping him a high five. "You'll be a bonafide ninja in no time."

"Christ, I hope not," Casey muttered. Raph shot him a shit eating grin, but Cody was still babbling as they walked into the living room.

"I woulda got first, but Thomas Allen cheated." he said seriously, lips pulling into a frown.

"Well tell me where he lives an' I'll mess 'im up for ya." Raph chuckled.

"Really?!"

"No," Casey cut in, shaking his head. "He won't, Code. Cause mommy would kill us all."

"Are you staying all night?" Cody asked hopefully. They'd watched him in the past, but never all three at once and never for more than an hour or so.

"Ya can't get rid of us, Bug." Raph told him. He probably needed sunglasses for the huge, happy grin he received in return.

"Cody, why don't ya go get yer medal while I talk ta yer uncles for a sec?" Casey suggested.

"Okay!" Cody took off like a shot to his room, and they all smiled after him. He was such a good kid.

"So, I'm headed out. Won't be back till late." Casey started. "There's money for a pizza in the kitchen, and April picked up some cookie dough he's been beggin' ta make, but don't let him go crazy on it or ye'll neva get him off the ceiling."

"I told him we'd make cookies next time we came anyway," Mikey told him. Casey nodded and continued.

"Ya know what he's allergic to, bedtime is nine and bath time is eight. He likes Adult Swim but don't let him watch it, and if there's a 'mergency-"

"Relax, old man." Raph snorted. "Ain't like we ain't ever been with the kid before. He'll be fine."

"You'll get him back in one piece." Donatello added.

Casey huffed out a sigh and reached for his jacket. "I know, I know. Thanks again fer doin' this."

"No problem."

"'S cool."

"Yeah dude, definitely."

"FOUND IT!" Cody announced, running back into the room with a small medal clutched tightly in his pink fists. Casey leaned down and gave him a hug. "Be good, kay?"

"Okaaay, daddy."

"Nah, we're gonna be bad, ain't we Bug?" Raph dug his fingers into Cody's side and tickled him. "We're gonna be awful!" Cody collapsed into laughter, wiggling away from him helplessly. "Horrible awful!"

Casey pulled out his keys, gave one final wave, and exited the apartment.

"Are you hungry, Cody?" Donnie asked. The little boy shook his head. "No. I wanna make cookies."

"No cookies till after dinner, little dude." Mikey said, shaking a finger at him mockingly. "But I feel you."

Cody pouted, but thank god he wasn't one for tantrums.

"Uncle Mikey, can we play video games?"

"Is my butt a lighter green than my face?!" Mikey shot back rhetorically.

"Is it?" Cody breathed in wonder.

"Shell yes!"

"Sweet!"

They chased each other to the living room couch. Raph sucked in a deep breath and let it out slow, casting only a slightly wistful glance at the cracked window. It was early June, and a warm evening breeze was coming in through the small space. He felt a yearning for it, felt the beast whining pleadingly, and for a second he seriously debated stepping out for just a minute...just to breathe, be free, just for a minute...

"Raph?" 

Donnie's gentle mumble made him blink and come back to himself. He caught his reflection in the window pane and realized that he'd taken a step towards it. 

He wanted to. Oh god, he wanted to....

But couldn't. He was here for April and Casey, and Cody would be crushed...and he was already on melting ice with Splinter.

_Not tonight, not tonight._

"I-I'm good, Don." He exhaled and rubbed the heel of his hand over the still tender bruise in the center of his forehead. He looked at him and smirked weakly. "We playin' Power Rangers or not?"

Donnie rolled his eyes. "Try not to disappear. We're already in trouble."

Thanks to you, he meant. Raph flinched and walked ahead of him, shoving his guilty stirrings down deep. "Whateva."

* * *

Three hours later, the apartment looked like the sight of a vicious kindergarten battle. Cookie dough and pizza sauce had reached impossible heights in the kitchen, there was more water on the floor of the bathroom than there had been drained out of the tub, and the couch cushions were scattered around and marked with crayon bullet wounds.

 Nine o clock found Raph and Cody stretched out together on the couch, drowzily watching tv while Mikey and Donnie dozed next to them.

Cody rested his head on Raphael's plastron and giggled softly at the show playing quietly in the background. "I love this part..."

"Yeah, that Robot Chicken's a trip." Raph agreed. "Don't tell yer mommy I let ya watch, though."

"Okay," Cody promised. He was quiet for a moment, and then he shifted and spoke up again.

"Uncle Raph?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened to your face?"

Raph chewed on his bottom lip, trying to decide how much to tell the kid about the still throbbing, dark bruise between his eyes. "Eh...I got into a fight, Bug. With a really bad guy."

"A fight?" Cody echoed, eyes wide. "Did you win?"

"Uhm...sorta," Raph mumbled, happy that the dark hid the brown no doubt spreading over his face. He really hadn't, but Cody was one of the only people in his life that really respected him. Telling him he lost his fight to the Foot Brat wouldn't help that.

Plus, it had sort of been a draw. He was pretty certain that Mr. Cloak-and-fucking-Dagger was still healing from the broken ribs he probably received.

"Was he one of the people that mommy says you fight at night?" Cody queried.

Raph nodded. "Yeah."

"People shouldn't do bad things," Cody said sagely. "You're always good, aren't you?"

"Heh... Mostly." Raph muttered, feeling the still raw cuts under his armbands give a twinge.

 _Bullshit_.

"Can I fight the bad people with you? I'm already level six in karate. My sensei says I'm really good." Cody told him hopefully.

Raph cracked a grin and rubbed his hair. "Nah, not yet. Mebbe when yer older."

"We hear people doing bad things at night, sometimes." Cody whispered. He looked down, wringing his hands in his lap. "Outside. I...I don't like it. I get scared..."

Raph frowned and nudged his chin. "Hey, none 'a that. Ya got nothin' ta be scared of. I ain't never lettin' anything happen to ya."

"Promise?" Cody held up his pinkie.

"Promise." He wrapped his third finger gently around the small pink digit and hooked them together. 

"Alright. ... Can I have another cookie?"

"Don't push it, Bug. Yer dad would kill me."

* * *

He didn't realize he'd fallen asleep himself until the absence of Cody's weight and warmth on his chest was waking him up.

"Cody?" he rumbled, blinking to clear the sticky haze from his eyes and pushing himself to his feet, slightly dizzy with sleep. It was warmer in the apartment than it had been hours before, and the TV was still playing, but instead of Robot Chicken reruns it was tuned to an emergency broadcast.

"Dude, you gotta see this." Mikey announced. He and Donnie were both wide awake, eyes bright and alarmed in the darkness.

All of the tiredness left him in an instant like he'd been soaked with freezing water, leaving Raph wired and alert.

"What's goin' on?"

"The Dragons." Donnie told him, gesturing at the coverage on the TV. "They're rioting all over the city."

It was true. Raph narrowed his eyes in anger and disbelief. The footage showed crowds of Dragons parading and looting, and at least three buildings up in flames. 

"What the hell brought this on?" he growled. "Somebody havin' a damn Quinceñera?"

"That's not even the worst part... Look closer at the fire," Donnie said, pointing at the screen.

Raph squinted, and did a double take when the image became clear- the Foot insignia, painstakingly burned into the sides and roofs of the torched buildings like evil phoenixes.

"The fuck..." he hissed.

"Uncle Raph?!"

He looked up, and saw Cody standing by the window, gazing out of it with his hands pressed against the glass and fear all over his face. The sounds of sirens and gunshots echoed faintly over the streets, and a few blocks away, the orange glow of a furiously burning fire could be seen, just close enough to be too close for comfort.

Another scream rang out, louder this time, followed by the sharp CRACK of a pistol. "Get away from there!" Raph barked, striding over and yanking Cody forcefully away from the window. 

"What should we do?" Mikey breathed, twisting his mask tails anxiously.

Chaos, thugs... Action. Raph shivered. His mouth went dry, and his knuckles throbbed in anticipation.

  _Yesyesyesgogogo_.

"The police will handle it." Donnie answered, and Raph turned on him like lightning.

"Seriously? The _cops_?!"

"It's what they do!"

"It's what **we** do!" Raph countered. "The cops ain't never shut the Dragons down before! You think they're gonna do it now?"

"We. Are. On. Lockdown." Donnie hissed. "I can't _believe_ you want to go hunting down trouble again. You are _this close_ to being chained to your door!"

"It ain't looking for trouble. They started tha trouble. We can't sit here an' let them hurt people while we wait fer them ta burn this building down too." Raph argued hotly.

"You expect us to just leave a five year old in here alone? If something happens to Cody we'll be murdered three times over." 

 _Damn_.

"Case said if there was an emergency he could go downstairs to that old lady." Raph reasoned. Donnie didn't reply, and he pressed again. "We can't let this slide, Don."

"He's right, dude." Mikey cut in. "Sensei'll understand."

 "Call 'im if ya want, Don. I don't really give a damn." Raph huffed, exasperated. "Mikey, ya call April. Let her know."

"Right!"

"Hey, Bug," Raph called, a little more gently, noticing that Cody was still frozen in fear. "C'mere." 

Cody ran over to him and into his arms, and Raph felt that was shaking slightly. "Are you leaving?" he whimpered.

"Just fer a little while." Raph said. "We'll be right back. 

"I w-want you to stay h-here!" Cody sniffled, sounding close to tears. 

 "We gotta take care of some stuff." Raph hushed him. "Member the bad people we were talkin' bout? They're doin' bad stuff, and we gotta stop 'em."

Cody clutched him tighter, but allowed himself to be put down. Mikey came back from his room with his little backpack and his jacket, and put it on him while Donnie whisper argued with Splinter. 

"Yer gonna go downstairs ta Miss Ella's, alright?" Raph told him. "We'll be back before ya know it."

Cody turned big, wet blue eyes on him and nodded. "O-okay..."

"We're good." Donnie announced, snapping his shell cell closed. "Most of the looting is focused in the Business district downtown."

They walked Cody to the door and watched him down the hall, waiting until the top of his head was out of sight before closing and locking the door.

They were silent as they filed out of the window once again, and it was all Raph could do to keep the giddy smile off his face, struggling so hard his cheeks hurt. He knew Cody was upset, and to a certain degree Donnie was too, but that knowledge was pale in comparison to the idea of smashing through a few ranks of Dragons...

And maybe seeing his new enemy again.

* * *

"What is the point of this?" Leonardo huffed, finally skidding to a stop on the roof of one of the tallest buildings in the business district. Dressed once more in his all concealing black garb, the only things visible were his eyes, bright and puzzled over the face covering.

Karai landed lightly next to him, wearing her red and white Kabuki mask and carrying a gas can. A line of noxious fluid streamed from the open nozzle and trailed behind her.

She sat it down and pushed up the mask, revealing a sharp grin. "Sending a message, dear brother. Gorou was just the first."

"And the Dragons?" he asked, gesturing to the crazed reveling of thugs in the streets below.

"Entertainment for the police." she said nonchalantly. "So they can pretend to do their jobs."

"What if they move against us?" Leonardo replied. Karai smiled in a condescending way. She could hear the uncertainty in his tone, no matter how well he hid it. He wasn't used to such bold displays of power. He was all subterfuge and stealth and sneakiness. 

He didn't know how to run New York, just like she suspected.

"This isn't the little villages of Japan, Leonardo. This is Manhattan. And the Foot Clan owns Manhattan." she told him, striking a match against her thigh with a spark of phosphorus and sulfur. "We're just reminding them of that."

She threw it into the puddle of gasoline, and the trail of accelerant lit up immediately, following the line over the roof and all the way over to the building they'd just left. The charges exploded in a fiery wash of noise and blistering heat, lighting up yet another structure with the blazing Foot insignia like a neon sign. 

They both inhaled the scent of burning wood and brick and shuddered in pleasure. The fire threw dusky orange and purple shadows on Karai's face, making her look ethereal. "Beautiful..."

Leonardo hummed in agreement. He turned to look at her, and it was as though he was seeing at her for the first time in the past week and a half.

"You cut your hair," he mumbled lowly, leaning closer to be heard over the roar of the fire. She swallowed and lifted her chin, blinking in the intense heat from the blaze.

"I did."

"Why?"

She narrowed her eyes and worked her tongue, debating whether or not to respond and how, when-

"There ya are... Two Foot Roaches, jus' like we figured."

They spun to face the voice, instantly drawing their weapons. 

Raphael was the first one over the railing of the roof, with Donatello and Michelangelo seconds behind. 

"How...?" Karai hissed.

"I told you those Dragons wouldn't keep their mouths shut," Leonardo growled. "We should have done this alone."

"Yeah, yer scum bucket guard was eal chatty," Raph snarled. Just the sound of the other male's VOICE was enough to send the beast into contortions, calling for the coppery splash of his blood soaked into his sai.

"You might want to consider using better scapegoats next time." Donnie taunted. 

"Duly noted," Leonardo retorted. He tilted his head at the genius in a mocking nod. "I met your brother before, but we haven't been introduced."

"Consider us aquatinted," Donnie replied coolly, pulling his staff and triggering the blade.

"You turtles and your love of interference." Karai spat. She raised a hand to replace her mask, and also inconspicuously press the button on the communicator in her ear.

"Yep, and you would've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for us meddling kids!" Mikey snickered.

"Raphael, isn't it?" Leonardo called. "By my recollection, you should be blind right about now. I'm guessing Master Vermin figured it out?"

"Yer gonna pay for that shit." Raph promised, damn near shaking in anticipation. 

"I'm sure," the other male laughed, as scores and scores of birdlike, silent shadows poured over the roof, responding to Karai's summons. 

"We have business to attend to," Karai cut in, more and more foot soldiers forming a blockade between the two elites and the three turtles. "So if you'll excuse us..."

"DON'T LET 'EM GET AWAY!"

" _Sorera o gyakusatsu_!"

The Foot closed ranks, and the flames reflected bloody red off of countless steel weapons as the battle commenced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review!
> 
> Sorera o gyakusatsu: Slaughter them.


	10. Out of Left Field

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other turtles meet the Honoured Son, and learn something shocking about their newest enemy. Harsh questions are raised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I have so much planned for this story. It's damnear writing itself. I just have to GET there.
> 
> The format is supposed to be like a movie, skipping around to different situations that all become relevant as you go along. So pay attention- everything is eventually important!
> 
> Also, remember how I said this was pretty much my first Slash story? I might mayhaps maybe need a little help down the line with the male slash. I know the mechanics of it, but I might need some aid to make the scenes EXTRA spicy. Any volunteers?)

The turtles surged forward and the Foot ranks surged in, as determined to protect their commanders as the mutants were to get to them and stop them from escaping. Harsh thuds and wet ripping sounds filled the air along with the clang of metal on metal on wood, and the fire burned hot and oppressive not feet behind them.

"That should keep you filthy turtles busy!" Karai cackled, grinning maniacally.

Raphael didn't waste his time being brutal with the low level soldiers in his path, knocking them away without giving them a second glance. The beast was thrumming in his pulse so hard he could feel it in his teeth, and they were to the beast what rabbits were to a starving lion that was stalking a wildebeest.

He struck out and a skull folded in under his fist, but he barely even noticed, focused on the figure dead ahead of him, the only thing he could see in the ocean of lackeys.

Black clothes. Covered face. Twin swords. Cocky, measured posture.

**Killkillkillkkillkillkill**

But it was slow going. Sai were strictly close range, and not so good for taking out eighteen enemies at once. The soldiers were dropping one by one to his prongs, but one by one wasn't nearly fast enough. They were all soon ankle deep in scarlet.

Mikey was a whirlwind of chains and spastic movement like always, but it was Donatello that had made the most progress. The enormous reach on his bo was letting him cut through the ranks like wheat, and the sheer speed that he could whip it was dizzying.

A group came for him all together- the genius ducked low, shifted his grip to the middle of his staff, and gave it a vicious 360 degree SNAP, catching five soldiers dead in the temples in quick succession.

They fell to the ground with matching sprays of blood and teeth, (one with a cleanly snapped neck) and the unlucky bastard that caught the full force of the blade slumped with a scream of dying agony as his face was torn wide open from ear to ear, giving him a nasty Joker grimace.

"We are leaving, **NOW**!" Karai yelled over the clamor of battle, grabbing Leonardo's arm. He strained against her hold.

"You would run and leave our soldiers to die?"

She stared at him like he'd just asked her what her name was. "Yes!"

He yanked away in disgust. "That's dishonorable and cowardly."

"Are you serious?!" she shrieked, wanting to claw at her hair. "It's what they're there for!"

"No! I won't run from this!"

Karai bared her teeth and shoved him hard in the center of his chest, barely budging him. They didn't have time for this. "As of right now, I outrank you," she hissed. "We. Are. LEAVING. NOW!"

Indignant anger flared in his eyes, and heart skipped a beat, but he turned to follow her lead.

Halfway across the roof, Raphael looked up from the tide of soldiers threatening to drown him and saw them preparing to escape. "NO!"

Donatello heard his shout, and saw what he saw, heard the desperation in his brother's tone. With another swing of his staff he broke the jaw of a soldier, and his hand dipped down and out in a green and black blur.

Karai let out a shrill scream of frustration and pain as she collapsed to the ground, the cloth covering her leg pinned mid jump to the roof by a handful of kunai blades. Two had gone through her ankle, lodged in the tendon like porcupine quills and pooling blood around her foot.

Leonardo immediately turned back, but by that time Donatello was there, and one of the twin blades just barely caught the end of the staff caked with red and bone fragments before it smashed down onto his cranium.

"You want us to stay that badly?" Leonardo taunted, shoving him away to draw the other blade. Donated sneered and jabbed forward with his staff.

By this time Karai had unstitched herself from the roof and flicked open her tessen, aiming one of them like a deadly frisbee for Donnie's face. A chain coiled around her wrist and halted her throw before the weapon left her hand, snatching her around to face Michelangelo.

"That's not a fair fight, dudette!"

She turned and advanced on him like a baited cobra, slicing and spinning while be bobbed and weaved, drawing her away from his brother and his opponent.

The rhythmic whir and smack of a bo staff soon became a constant tempo in the battle. Donnie's double ended weapon was being used to his full extent of its reach, but that second katana never failed to deflect his efforts, coming out of nowhere even when the other was engaged.

"It doesn't... have... to be... like this," the genius managed to gasp out. "We don't... have to be... enemies." All those hours in front of the computer were starting to show the longer they struggled. Perspiration gathered in the dips of his limbs, mixing with the blood oozing from long tears in his skin.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Leonardo laughed, ripping open another thin cut along Donnie's arm. Donnie flinched and struck forward, trying to break his knee, and hit only empty air.

The back end of his staff came up and around his head and was once again stopped by the crossed swords. Donatello grunted, shoved forward, and to his surprise, his opponent fell back and gave to his advance.

Raph saw the move for what it was, but couldn't yell out fast enough to prevent it.

It happened in slow motion right in front of his eyes. The tip of the staff was an inch away from the Elite's eyes when he feinted, and the swords suddenly dipped to the side and down. Donnie's own momentum carried him with it... leaving his left side completely open.

"DON!"

The genius tried to correct himself, but it was already too late. Faster than the eye could see Leonardo twisted his body, and his foot landed solidly and directly in Donatello's midsection.

He flew back with a startled yell, slamming onto the rooftop as his staff went flying. There was a sickening crack when the back of his head hit the ledge. His mouth opened in a soundless gasp and his eyes crossed unnaturally, head lolling dazedly.

"You're nothing compared to your brother." Leonardo tsked, angling his blade to slice through the prone turtle's collarbone. "I doubt they'll even miss you."

A red and green force blindsided him before he could strike the final blow. Raphael had finally torn his way to his brother's aide and tackled Leonardo, not having enough time to do anything else.

They toppled and over and over, sliding together on the stained roof before finally tumbling completely off, their weight taking them down into the alley below.

"RAPH!"

Mikey's terrified scream followed them down. They landed with a huge, painful crash onto the dumpster and rolled onto the pavement hard, kicking away from each other as soon as they gathered their wits.

The pain of the impact shuddered through Raph's bones, but pure adrenaline let him absorb the feeling and let it pass through him to come back at another time. Breathing so hard he was near hyperventilating, he rifled frantically through the trash scattered at his feet for his weapons. Soot and smog burned his throat and caught in his lungs, and his eyes burned in a way that had nothing to do with their color.

It was much darker in the crease between the buildings than on the flame illuminated rooftop. Even with his trained and enhanced sight, it took him a minute to adjust.

"You again, huh?"

The sneer came the second his fingers closed around the hilts of his sais, and right before the hard thunks of three sharp _somethings_ embedding themselves in his carapace. The dull pain forced a gasping grunt from his chest, and he pitched forward as it radiated through his back.

 _Fuck_.

Sweat fell into his eyes as he spun around, and the Foot Brat was there, charging him without pause. The fall had shaken him. Large sections of his cloak had ripped and hung from him, but Raph still couldn't make out any of his features.

Pure instinct raised his hands to defend himself when the blades came down, and his bloodied soles skidded back against the gravel and garbage. Their arms locked, pushing their bodies so close together that their knees brushed. The electricity was palpable, and even though a layer of clothing the touch shot through Raph's limb, igniting a feral impulse in his veins.

"I'm starting to see why you're such a nuisance," the Foot Brat snarled, the glare in his deep brown eyes enough to rival the blaze above them. It was such a contrast to the icy control of last time that something in Raph's gut gave a hard, low lurch, and the beast rattled his mind like an excited animal in a cage. He bared his teeth and pushed back, attacking with renewed vigour. Everything smelled like blood and pure ANGER, and it was intoxicating.

There was no ceremony this time, no dart and skip. Raph was pretty much gone, but not so much that none of his training leaked through, and he noticed a small, constant thing about his opponent.

He was deadly, there was no doubt. But every time he blocked, there was a slight instant- barely a millisecond- where his left leg would tremble when he rested his weight on it. He must have hurt it in the fall. He was hiding it well, like a true predator did, but it was there. And the beast saw it.

Raph pressed right, forcing his opponent to orient to the left and onto that leg. He was so focused on relentless offense he dropped his right guard, and he paid for it- _shit_ , did he pay for it. Every gap was filled with a sword, and soon Raphael looked like some sort of fucked up gill fish, skin sliced open every few inches along his upper body with blood painting coded designs down his flesh. The swords were nothing like the comforting sting of his little razor. They were brutal and unforgiving, and he felt them muscle deep.

The pain was excruciating, but his anger let him inhale and store it. It was like plugging holes in a dam with bandaids. Eventually it would burst, but for right then, in the moment, it worked.

There, again, another tremor, larger than the others. Abandoning all subtlety, Raph ducked low and leapt for that leg.

They slammed into each other again, and somehow someway Raph ended up on top, wrists in a vicegrip as he strained with all his might to drive the tip of one sai straight into the Foot Brat's face. They twisted and writhed and fought, a mess of tangled limbs and rough panting, blood and sweat.

Fingers dug hard into the joints under his palms and he felt his hands go dead. More pressure points, but he kept going, pushing downward for all he was worth even as his fingers locked heavily. His opponent might have been a better, smarter, quicker fighter, but he was simply heavier.

Three inches... two...one...less than...the gleaming prong sank closer to his iris.

"I...told...ya," he gasped, grinning as it got even closer. "I...was...gonna...kill...ya..."

"You...are...beneath me!"

The Foot Brat wrenched to the side just as the prong came down, finding purchase in his face cloth rather than his brain. The beast roared in fury when the sound of tearing fabric sounded instead of the wet pop and squelch of a punctured eye socket.

The Foot Brat surged, and with his balance off, Raph flew off of him, hitting the building behind them and shattering the window. The security alarm of the building went off, flooding the alley with light and sound. Raph gathered himself and started to jump forward again-

-and stopped dead cold in his tracks.

The entire bottom half of the Foot Brat's mask was torn away, and in the light, a portion of his face was exposed.

His GREEN, distinctly turtle-shaped face.

Raph couldn't do shit but gape, his weapons hanging loosely in his hands as the other male yanked the rest of the mask from his head once he realized what had happened and dropped it on the ground.

"I guess my secret is out," he sneered, wiping a smear of blood from his cheek.

For a fucked up second, Raphael thought he was looking into a mirror. A mutant turtle was glaring at him from a few feet away, a good four color shades lighter than himself. 

In the light, everything was coming together in front of his eyes, colliding too fast for him to keep up.

His stunned gaze darted down where the hilts of the swords were gripped by three fingers- THREE FINGERS- to the unmistakable ridge of a shell exposed by the ripped cloak. His world was crashing and burning down around his ears. 

 _Impossible_.

 **IMPOSSIBLE**.

The shock broke over him like a cold tsunami wave. It was a lie. A trick. It had to be.

They were the only ones...Spinter said...

_How-_

_Where-_

"LEONARDO!"

Something struck the ground two feet away from him. There was an explosion of sharply sweet smelling gas and a rush of white, and Raphael inhaled before he could stop himself.

The last thing he saw was the Foot Brat- the TURTLE- LEONARDO-smiling mockingly. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words were lost in the rush inside his skull...

Then the world spun out of focus, his head hit the pavement, and he knew no more of anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Would thouest please review?)


	11. Aftershocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The turtles deal with the revelation that they aren't alone, and the aftermath of the riots begins to unfold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SCHOOL IS FINALLY OUT! Here's a chapter to celebrate! Read, enjoy, and as always, review.
> 
> Some possible SMUT coming up next... hem, hem...(Excuse me while I do my Dolores Umbridge).

Days later (Donnie said it was only twenty minutes, but Raph swore it was three fucking days), Raph came back to his senses while hacking up a lung on the alley floor. The building alarm was still shrieking and the inside of his mouth tasted like alcohol dipped cotton balls.

He got to his feet spitting and swaying, so red up and down his arms and legs it looked like he was wearing some kind of bodysuit. It hurt to move, and every time he did he could feel the cuts in his skin burn as they stretched and reopened.

He leaned back and stared at the sky, wishing it would stop spinning and thinking that this night couldn't possibly get any worse.

"Raph!"

Two dark shapes flung themselves over the side of the building, revealing themselves to be an equally beat up Donatello and Michelangelo when they hit the light. Bruises littered Donatello's stomach plate, the cut in his arm was still oozing sluggishly, and both of Mikey's eyes were starting to go purple, but the youngest threw himself at his brother regardless, trembling while he embraced him.

"Raph, dude! You're okay!"

The slices where their sweaty skin touched burned. Seeing Raph's flinch, Donnie peeled them apart and grabbed his uninjured shoulder instead. "It was a chloroform bomb," he informed them, looking pale and shattered. "We need to get out of here. The police were alerted by the alarm."

Everything that occured swamped him once again, and Raph staggered, eyes wide open but unseeing. Too much...too much to think about...too much to deal with.

_Leonardo._

_It couldn't be._

"D-Don...he's...he's a-"

"I know," Donnie cut him off tightly. "I saw."

"Guys...we're not alone." Mikey said quietly. They all shivered as one, staring at each other and lost in their own minds until the shrill screams of sirens interrupted their internal thoughts.

"We really, really have to go." Donnie pressed.

Raph fixed him with a gaze. "Splinter," he croaked. Donnie pursed his lips and nodded. "Splinter."

They faded back into the shadows like ghosts, silent and shell shocked.

_The old rat better have one hell of an explanation for this._

* * *

 

Splinter was wide awake and working himself into an ugly fit when they returned, simultaneously checking them for serious injuries while verbally kicking their asses. He was so frantic, Mikey didn't even whine when he applied a ginger wrap for his blackened eyes, even though the thing smelled and stung like hell.

"-do not know what I was thinking, I should have ordered you straight home the way I intended to! Every time you leave this house of late you come back in pieces!"

Raph sat quietly through the tirade and his twenty stitches, staring at the wall of Donnie's lab with a blank mask settled over his features. He wanted to flip out too, but he was tired and probably going into shock, and he couldn't bring himself to scream.

"-leave, that is what we should do. Take some time to evaluate this family, before I end up losing one of you or worse-"

"Sensei-"

"-trained you better than this, these failures are unacceptable! I can not fathom-"

"S-Sensei?"

"-gotten lax, and lazy and complacent! That is why-"

"He was a turtle."

"...What?"

Any other time, Raph would have laughed at seeing the unshakeable Hamato Splinter completely stupefied. He stopped in the middle of his speech, whiskers drooping and ears so low they almost touched his neck.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mikey cower a bit and Donnie's throat worked as he swallowed hard, hands shaking as he held the suture.

Raph turned to fully meet his father's eye. "The Foot Brat. Shredder's little asset. He was one 'a us. He was...he was a turtle."

Splinter stared at him for the longest time with the strangest look on his face, fur on end and hands gripping his walking stick so tight the wood was creaking from the strain. "Impossible," he spat. "You were mistaken, Raphael."

Raph bared his teeth at the dismissal. "I know what I saw!" he barked, sitting up straight. "He cut me up six ways ta freakin' Sunday! I saw his face!"

Donnie put a hand on his shoulder to calm him. "I saw it too, Sensei. So did Mikey." he said grimly. "He had a carapace and everything."

"Like lookin' n' a mirror," Mikey slurred, still woozy from the pain in his eyes.

Splinter was shaking his head sharply. "No. It must have been a trick, one of those image projection machines, or...."

Raph stared at him incredulously, more and more irritated the longer he talked. Why was he so intent on denying something they'd all seen with their own two fucking eyes? "Sensei, I could _smell_ it on 'im."

"It was real," Donnie cut in again, pleading. "Sensei, he was one of us...but he's obviously not Shredder's real child, so where could he have come from?"

Raph literally felt his heart stop beating. Did they...was he-?

He didn't even want to think that maybe-

No. No. They would have known...they would have-

"Exactly what are you proposing, Donatello?" Splinter forced out.

Donnie flinched, but soldiered ahead. "You said you found us in the sewer after you were mutated. Maybe there was another...?"

_Shit. Shit. **SHIT.**_

Splinter was livid. "Are you suggesting that I would have abandoned one of you?!"

"N-no! Not abandoned, maybe...maybe overlooked..."

"Donatello!"

"Lay off him!" Raph yelled impulsively, shaking free of Donnie's grip. "He's at least try'na figure out this bullshit!"

"You forget yourself once again, Raphael!" Splinter said shrilly, bracing himself as if for a fight. "You will not speak to me in that manner! This is ludicrous! You three are the only ones of your kind!"

From the corner, Mikey piped up again, almost involuntary and halfway gone on ginger fumes and pain meds. "...brother...b-big brother..."

Everything went cold and silent for an uncomfortable amount of time. That little corner in the dojo suddenly sucked in their thoughts like a black hole.

"No," Splinter choked out finally. He sounded like he had an apple lodged in his throat. "No. He is...he is dead. He has been dead for a long while. You all know this."

"Ya nevah told us how." Raph rasped hoarsely, unable to look away from the horrified expression on his father's face. "Ya nevah..."

It was unthinkable. Unbelievable. If Splinter had LIED...

"No," Splinter repeated, pale beneath his fur. "It was some sort of virus, a vile sickness of the lungs. It weakened him and took him from me."

Pain was evident in every line of Splinter's body. "You were just barely toddlers. I watched him grow sicker and sicker by the day- there was nothing I could do. He died gasping for breath in my arms."

Tears clung to the edges of his muzzle, and they fell off when he gave a slow shake of his head. "Whoever or whatever this is, it could not be him."

No one argued.

"W-why didn't you ever tell us?" Donnie whispered, his own voice clogged with tears.

Splinter took in a trembling breath. "I had wanted to spare you the knowledge. I did not want you to think my grief for him overshadowed my love for you."

Raph bit his tongue so hard he tasted blood in the back of his throat. He wanted to scream _BUT IT DID_ , but by some miracle he kept the outburst inside.

"S-so if he's not a bro, then who is he?" Mikey questioned slowly, turning his head and trying to peer blindly at them through the sticky wrap.

Donnie trapped his lip between his teeth, olive irises darkened with moisture and deep thought. "I-I think...I have a solution...Bishop."

They all shuddered. The very name made Raph's muscles tighten with adrenaline.

Donnie licked his lips and continued. "Years ago...when he captured us for that short time." He didn't need to ask them if they remembered.

"He kept going on about how perfectly we had mutated, and how great it would be if we defected to the Foot." he said. "Every mutagen experiment of the Shredder's since then has been an attempt to try and match us, or recreate us." 

"He has never succeded." Splinter broke in, slightly calmer.

"Maybe...maybe he finally did." Donnie breathed. "Bishop took DNA from us right before we escaped. And we left blood all over that lab."

Ice formed in Raph's stomach, and he felt nauseous. "Ya sayin'...ya sayin' that sick S.O.B cloned us?"

"That's the only viable explanation." Donnie concluded, looking sick himself. "Theoretically it's very possible, especially with the technology they have. He could synthesize a body from the DNA, cultivate it and enhance its growth while giving it false memories, instead of raising it from scratch."

Yep, he was gonna barf. Bile surged up Raphael's throat, and he shivered in disgust, gulping. And here he was thinking that Bishop and Shredder couldn't sink any lower.

"They're growing mutants like...like...potatoes." Mikey gagged. "God...that poor dude..."

Something about that explanation just... _needled_ Raphael, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

The Foot Brat- LEONARDO- he didn't act like a mindless clone. But how did a clone act? And then there was the whole thing about him being sent away to train they they'd overheard, and Karai knowing him as a kid...

 _Maybe...maybe. Fuck_. This whole conversation was hurting his brain.

Splinter had finally recovered his composure. "If that is the case my sons, then his situation is deeply unfortunate. However, he has attacked us and clearly displayed his allegiance. We cannot show him any pity or weakness if we are to overcome this." He stared them all in the eye, and one by one they nodded.

Raph, for once, had nothing to add. He still felt the urge to fight Leonardo, and protect his family from him.

But now, with all these assumptions and theories floating around...the drive to maim and kill him was significantly lessened.

As much as he hated it, a tiny kernel of pity had dug itself into his heart without him noticing.

In the living room, the television droned, tuned to the news channel and the somber announcement scrolling across the screen.

_"-fire fighters battling blazes raging around the city in the aftermath of tonight's violent and seemingly unprovoked gang riots. In addition to near uncountable damages and destroyed properties, three children have been reported missing in the chaos. Nine year old Indira Ahmed, seven year old Claire Zhang, and nine year old Ichiro Gorou have all been issued Amber Alerts, and their families beg for cooperation in relation to their whereabouts...-"_

* * *

 Watching the coverage on the couch with stunned expressions and tear streaked faces, April and Casey both clutched their slumbering son tighter to themselves, raining kisses down on his tiny head and hoping beyond hope, as they did most every night, that the other part of their family would make it home safetly and weather the storm that was no doubt coming.

April swallowed her residual fears and resigned herself to calling her contact in the morning. She was writing this story, or she would die trying. It was settled.

* * *

 "You STUPID, NAIVE LITTLE-"

Only Leonardo's reflexes allowed him to avoid Karai's pale palm as it struck out and headed towards his face. She moved to hit him again and he caught her wrist in a crushing grip, twisting her arm and forcing her torso away from him. They glared at each other, one heated and one colder than the arctic.

"Are you almost done throwing your _tantrum_?" he mocked, and she hissed at him, not unlike a feral cat.

"If you ever do something that stupid again, I'm leaving you to die, and to hell with what Father said!" Karai spat. "I am not your nursemaid!"

"I had no idea this clan had become so cowardly since I left," Leonardo retorted. "But I guess it makes sense, with you being in charge all these years."

Karai bristled, blushed, and her voice rose two whole octaves. "You little bastard! You know nothing about me!"

He gritted his teeth and tightened his hold on her arm, making her bare her teeth in a pained, hate filled grimace. "I'm as much a bastard as you are. You, _sister_ , have made this clan weak, and I will make it strong again, starting with the turtles. I'll finish everything you couldn't."

Karai sneered at him. "If you knew what I knew, you wouldn't be so eager."

Leonardo released her suddenly, making her stumble, and when he rose to his full height she was reminded of how much he dwarfed her.

"If you ever try to hit me again, you'll be picking steel out of your teeth," he said darkly. "I'm not six anymore, Karai. You won't intimidate me like before."

"We'll see," she snapped, turning and leaving without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review for teaser smut. <3


	12. Fracturing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shredder should never have ideas, Leonardo makes his intentions known, and everything goes to Hell for Raphael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Long. Ass. Chapter. And a double update. Holy shit. I hope you people enjoy this, cause that's it for tonight. I better get some reviews for this beast, too. AND you get teaser smut at the end? Come on.
> 
> Much more sexy times after this, I solemnly swear. (They'll be up to no good.)

The meeting was going badly.

The delegates from Japan (traitors) were present, trying to curry their favour back after the disastrous rebellion that no one was taking credit for. Representatives from the Dragons, Triad and the Yakuza were there as well. Pots of expensive incense burned at the ends of the impossibly long table, making clouds of thick smoke hover in the dimly lit room amidst the haze of deception, distrust and paranoia.

And some genius had thought it was a good idea to sit Leonardo and Karai directly next to each other.

The mutant had given up his concealing cloak and was dressed in ornate combat gear, body bare except for a set of black and red elbow and knee pads, modern samurai style wrist and ankle guards, and his ever present black mask and katanas. Thin, ribbon like wraps coiled around his limbs, outlining his muscles. The tone of his skin was bright under the low lights, and the tails of his mask reached down to his waist.

Karai had traded her body suit for a sleek black dress, classily low cut and two inches away from being scanalously short. It clung to the swells of her petite curves and set off her dramatic makeup- thick, artfully drawn eyeliner and burgundy red lips- and avant garde styled hair. Together, they looked like a pair of matched blades, beautiful and deadly, but the bubbling tension and barely masked hatred simmering between them was thick enough to cut with a knife.

(Truthfully, it would have been easy, as knives were seconds away from being pulled.) Only the Shredder's presence stopped them from glaring poisonously at each other every three breaths.

One of the Triad elders stood and bowed to them respectfully. "It is truly wonderful to see the two heirs of our greatest clan together once more. Surely you will strike a fearsome image in the heart of our enemies."

Karai smiled sweetly, noticing how he was careful not to compliment one or the other. "Let's hope so." Leonardo dipped his head in thanks.

"Can we begin?" one of the Yakuza interrupted impatiently. "We have to discuss the terms of this new venture."

"Are they not to your liking, Yashida?" The Shredder rumbled, and the man made an ugly noise.

"The Yakuza come out short in the end, and it is consistently delayed by those stinking turtles!"

Every human face in the room paled three shades, and all eyes turned immediately to Leonardo to see his reaction. He shrugged calmly and crossed his arms, his face giving nothing away. "What? He's right. It has been delayed. Due to uncontrollable and completely unpredictable circumstances, I'm sure. Really, it's no one's fault." Beside him, Karai stiffened, and he smiled. "But that's being rectified, and the turtles will be handled."

"I would think there would be a conflict of interests, given your...situation." the first Triad elder said slyly. Leonardo's eyes went cold.

"Are you questioning my loyalty?"

The man blanched and backpedaled as quickly as he was able. "Of course not- I only meant- a simple inquiry-"

"I think we should all like to finally know the story of how you came to be, Leonardo." someone else said loudly. "We've been told for years to simply accept it, and we've done that happily. But if your possible connections to these other mutants prove to be a problem-"

"And just how many of you are there?!"

"Ya look like 'em." Hun growled out, his eyes never leaving Karai's breasts. "How're we sposed ta know ya won't cross over?"

Karai scoffed lightly. "You look like a gorilla with a bad buzz cut, but we aren't going on about it-"

"I can speak for myself, thank you Sister." Leonardo cut in. Murder flashed in her eyes, but Karai waved him forward nonchalantly.

"As I was saying. I know what you all whisper about me. I've known it for years. My appearance has nothing to do with who I owe my allegiance to." He stood up and gazed at all of them confidently. "Anyone who challenges that does so at their own risk. My father has charged me with the elimination of the mutant clan, so it'll be done. You'll get your money, and your...cargo. Do what you do best- cower, and wait for us to remove the threat."

He caught the Shredder's eyes, and saw muted pride there. "Eloquently spoken, Leonardo."

Leonardo nodded and sat down.

"Now. Shall we get down to business?"

* * *

 

After, when everyone had cleared out and no one had been fatally stabbed or shot, Shredder made a gesture to attract his attention.

"Stand, my son."

He did, and the Shredder did the same, his ornate and glittering armour doing nothing to hide the brute power in his body. "I was impressed by your showing in the meeting. Particularly the segment about the turtles."

"I meant what I said," Leonardo told him firmly. "I'll put a stop to them."

"Your sister said much the same. But I do not want them _stopped_." The Shredder snarled. "I want them **destroyed**. Eliminated. Thoroughly crushed and decimated." He paused. "Your speech tonight gave me an idea of sorts. A way to finally accomplish this goal."

Leonardo's forest green brow wrinkled at his conspiratory tone. "Father?"

"Karai attempted this, but failed. I believe you could do it successfully."

When he began to explain, Leonardo's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, and every muscle in his body tensed with discomfort. He caught his bottom lip between his teeth and looked down, knuckles white.

"Father, I don't think I'm the best-"

"You WILL not dissapoint me in this, Leonardo." There was no room to argue.

After a while, the turtle dropped his chin and sank to a knee. "Y-yes, My Lord."

From where she was hidden behind a pillar, Karai heard everything. She clasped her hands to her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut, not knowing whether to laugh or vomit, or do a little of both. Oh, what a delicious turn of events.

 _'It's what he gets. You wanted to be important, little brother.'_ she thought waspishly. _'Now you have your chance.'_ There was no way he could succeed, if she hadn't. And with this new... objective of his, he had no time to plot his takeover.

She was so conflicted, she almost forgot to be jealous, though of who she wasn't sure.

* * *

 

_After a while, they had a routine set. Once they realized that "Leonardo" was a problem that wasn't going away on its own, the Hamatos had to alter their daily schedule. Against Splinter's urging and Mikey's complaints, they did triple patrols nightly. They almost always ran into the Foot Twins, and almost always came home with a new collection of bruises and gashes._

_It was the same thing every night. The Dragons would be committing some dirt, egged on by the Foot. Said Foot would appear once the turtles showed up, led by either Karai or Leonardo or both. Banter, banter, chat chat, insult, insult, bloody fighting, until sometime called retreat._

_It was exhausting and damn irritating, because no one was getting the upper hand. Any small amount of pity Raphael might have felt for the maybe-cloned-turtle was killed in the first few weeks of this bullshit, and he found his thoughts straying to the black clad terrapin way more than was okay, usually accompanied by a red hot surge of rage._

* * *

 

**(Three Months Later)**

The day his world started to fall apart, Raphael woke up from a long nap with a raging hard on and a headache.

When his ceiling swam back into focus, the first thing he noticed was the ripples of sour pain behind his eyes.

The second thing was the pulsing tightness of arousal between his legs, fully exposed, tenting half hard and standing proud beneath his hammock sheets. He sighed, rubbed at his sleep crusty eyes, and struggled into a sitting position, fixing his mask from where it had slipped down around his neck.

_Where the hell did this come from?_

He was seventeen, so he was no stranger to waking up to a morning wood. But it was the middle of the afternoon, and he'd been so damn tired lately he hadn't had the time or the mind set to do anything more with his dick than wash it and piss with it. Golden irises flashed over to his dresser to check the time- 8:40.

Well, it **had** been the middle of the afternoon.

He glared at it, hating it for waking him up an hour early. A sticky white residue was going cold on his thighs.

"What the fuck was I dreaming about?" he muttered, closing his eyes wearily. He couldn't remember anything specific, just short little flashes. A long, deep, continuous moan, lips like wet sin on his neck, nibbling and licking...

His cock gave an excited twitch, and his headache spiked. He tried to think of ugly things, cold showers and naked ninety year olds in rubber suits, but it wasn't working. His cock stayed rarin' and ready to go.

Grumbling, he wrapped a hand around his thick purple length and started to pull, quick and hard to get it over with and go back to sleep.

Raphael closed his eyes, and he shuddered and squirmed as pieces of his dream started coming back to him the more he got into it. The familiar heat bubbled up in his gut...someone had been sucking on his fingers...he remembered being tied up, and the smell of green tea and incense...

And a pair of eyes- brown, melted milk chocolate, with lusty pupils blown wide and hot and OH SHIT-

"Nnngn-ah-"

His peak hit him unexpectedly as that last image jumped into his brain, and he was painting his plastron with long white steaks while he groaned through it, milking himself with harsh yanks until he was panting and gasping.

Slightly weak kneed, Raph rolled out of his hammock and to his feet to wipe himself off with his blanket before the evidence dried. Instead of relaxed, he felt wired and restless. With a growling sigh, he gave up on the idea of going back to sleep and grabbed his weapons off the bedside, thinking maybe he'd grab an hour or two out before the next patrol.

At least the damn headache was gone.

He plodded downstairs and found Donatello in the living room, his thin olive frame stretched out over the armchair while he tapped away at his tablet. The violet masked brother glanced up and wiggled his fingers. "Hey. I thought you'd be asleep until we left."

Raph shrugged. "M' body wouldn't let me. Where's Mike?"

"In his room. I'm not sure if he's sleeping, though. He might be drawing. His radio was on." Donnie told him, going back to his tablet.

Raph sucked in a breath and let it out harshly. "Right. Um, I think I'm gonna head out fer a while."

He caught THE LOOK that Donnie shot him. "Okay...where?"

"Dunno. Might swing by Casey's, catch some of the game. I won't be gone long."

"Want some company?"

Raph blinked and shook his head. "Nah." Donnie twitched. After a second, he rethought his blunt answer. "Thanks."

It was Donnie's turn to shrug. He lowered his eyes, and Raph flinched internally as an emotional shutter closed over them. "Alright. It's still kind of light. Sensei shouldn't mind. Just be back on time. I think we should look into those kidnappings tonight. There's been two more on the Upper East Side."

Raph snorted to himself as he realized that this was how most of their conversations went nowadays. "Sure. Be ready by ten."

"Sure." Donnie didn't look up again, so Raph turned towards the door, grabbing his sais off the coffee table where he'd left them earlier as he went. He might have heard his brother sigh heavily, but he wasn't positive.

* * *

 

The sky was deeply stained with indigo and red by the time Raph found himself stationed in the edge of the Chrysler Building roof, staring out at the slowly winding down city. It was that short, fragile quiet period where the nine to five drones were calling it a day and heading home, before the club and night life junkies and the criminals descended on the city. It was as peaceful as New York could ever get.

Raph propped his chin on his hand and swung his legs. The beast was calm and subdued in his chest, content to let him sit and think for once. He watched the humans down below, wondering like he always did what it would be like to be a part of it. To date, to have a real job...a real house...

He saw a couple giggling and smooching on a park bench, and a hot lash of envy lit him up before he could stop it. He hadn't let himself want THAT or wish for that since he was a little kid, but every once in a while, the jealously caught him off guard. The beast growled a lonely, bitter assent, and his face pulled into a frown as he struggled to keep himself from chucking a shruiken at the happy lovebirds.

He sat there until the sun was mostly faded from the sky, sucking in the last few lungfuls of clean air he could.

He almost missed the tiny woosh of something flying through the air behind him, but the metallic, audible shimmer of tossed blades was unmistakable to his trained ears.

Raphael rolled out of the way seconds before the kunai blades embedded themselves into the stone where his head had been. He was on his feet in a heartbeat, knowing who it was without even having to turn around.

"Don't ya have a fuckin' life?" he snarled, groping for his weapons.

Leonardo's smile was darkly angelic as he stood outlined in the setting sun, looking like an eclipse. Even now, seeing his true appearance could still be a jolt, especially since he'd abandoned his cloak. He fought as bare as Raph and his brothers did, sans clothing excepting his mask and limb guards. It was almost like he knew how much him being a turtle had stunned them, and he was purposely picking at the wound.

That was really starting to become an issue, and not just because of his fucked up life choices. The last few weeks, his banter had taken on an almost...flirty tone, chock full of teases and barely there innuendos. Besides that, Raph had started noticing just how snakelike and sensual he looked when he moved and fought, dancing and twisting and FUCK NO HE WASN'T THINKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW, he was just horny and wistful and this shit was happening at a messed up time.

Sure, Leonardo was a pretty son of a bitch, with his bright green skin and long throat and smooth, toned body, but he was evil. And maybe a clone. But mostly evil.

 _Point blank_.

His teeth glinted as his lips pulled over them. "Your mistake is thinking that I was looking for you at all. This was just a happy coincidence."

"Yer a shitty liar," Raph spat. He angled his body away slightly to hide the motion of his hand, reaching for the shell cell in his belt to call for backup. He didn't know how many grunts were inbound, but he wasn't feeling suicidal tonight.

"And your mouth is deplorable." Leonardo returned, but he was still smiling. "I wonder what it would take to make you stop talking completely..."

Raph paused when he ran his tongue lightly along his full bottom lip, moistening it, and he had to give himself a shake to refocus.

 _Fight. Foot Brat. Asshole. Backup._ Right.

"You won't need that, by the way. I'm alone." Leonardo tossed out easily, eyes seeking out Raph's phone.

 _Yeah, **right**_. "An' I'm sposed ta believe that?"

It was then that he noticed Leonardo hadn't drawn his weapons yet, and that the smaller turtle had moved a few steps closer to him than before.

"You can believe whatever you want, but I'm not like my sister. I'm not always looking for a fight." He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, cocking his head to the side. "Am I wrong to assume that I'm the only one that's getting just a little tired of this song and dance?"

"Ya know what they say about assumin'." Raph growled, drawn into the conversation despite himself. Internally he was pissed. The Foot Brat had hit the nail on the head, but there was no way he was going to tell him that.

"Petty." Leonardo smirked. "To answer your question, yes, I do have a life. There are so many other things I could be doing, particularly with someone like-" his eyes flicked down and up so fast Raph almost missed it- "you."

 _What the fuck? Does he know how that sounded?_ He couldn't have.

He was closer still, close enough that Raph could see the wet shine of spit on his lip when he licked it again. Confused and slightly turned on ( _no, no he wasn't_ ), he backed up and dove into the anger, dragging the beast to the forefront of his mind, but it was... Reluctant, in a way he'd never felt before. His strike was deflected by the katana that magically appeared in Leonardo's hand, and they had done this so much he damnear expected it.

Leonardo tsked. "So predictable. I could fight you with my eyes closed and come out unscathed." They were face to face, locked together by their weapons. His breath was warm and smelled like green tea, and Raph could see the flecks of gold in his irises.

His BROWN irises.

That did NOT make him hard. It DIDN'T. _(Coincidence, it had to be a coincidence, there's no way-)_

"F-fuck you," Raph hissed, shoving him away and stabbing at his shoulder. Leonardo chuckled and spun his sword to send the sai arching away. "I'm not sure you'd be up to that challenge, Hamato. Or deserving of the privilege, for that matter."

The beast was failing him, disarmed, interested in other things, like the way Leonardo's Adam's apple bobbed when he spoke. He didn't know what it was about tonight, but it was throwing him off. Badly. Nearing desperation, he tried to cover up the holes in his defense.

Raph yelled, throwing himself forward again. Anything that would make the other stop talking.

They grappled for a while, neither managing to land any meaningful hits. Maybe he was losing it, but it seemed to Raph like they were brushing and touching more than usual.

"You're getting sloppy." Leonardo taunted. "Are you distracted? Should I come back?"

Raph tried to keep his eyes on the flashing blades, and it seemed like the more he did that the more distracting Leonardo's movements became. He was catching every ripple, watching that slight arch and dip in his back and the tightening of the corded muscles in his legs when he squatted down. Sweat made him look oiled up, and the way his breath hissed out of his chest and his eyes were narrowed and glittering made him look... debauched.

 _Fuckable_.

He didn't see how, or when, but suddenly the back of Raph's leg was burning and it travelled all the way up to his knee, staggering his balance just long enough for Leonardo to sweep his ankles and send him to all fours. A hard pinch behind his shoulder had his muscles locking up on him like a straight jacket.

He couldn't move. He couldn't MOVE. He couldn't defend himself. Panic made him feel cold, quickly replaced by heated anger.

The bottom dropped out of his stomach and he realized he might just possibly die tonight, right here, right now.

"Do it, then," he gasped, futilely fighting his limbs for control. "Get it over with." He didn't want it to be drawn out, if it was going to happen. And he sure as hell wasn't going to die begging for his life.

He felt movement behind him, and heard a low chuckle that he fully expected to be his last sound on earth, but instead of the cold bite of steel on his neck there was the touch of a single finger.

If it was possible for Raph to freeze more than he already was, he did. That finger traced a feather light path down his neck, paused, and started following the grooves in his shell in a ticklish, teasing way.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Leonardo said, light and amused. "You're too fun. Killing you would be like breaking a brand new toy before playing with it, and why would I do that?"

The trails his finger left were warm, and grew unexplainably hotter even after he moved on. Tremors his body couldn't complete physically rocketed through Raph's spine.

He struggled to throw off the paralysis, but the pressure point held fast and firm, and he couldn't do more than blink and breathe against the assault.

What the fuck was he doing?! Why wasn't he just murdering him already? He was confused- he was expecting pain, not... Not THIS bullshit. Not these... intimate little pets and touches.

"Ah-Ah ain't y-yer toy," he tried to snap, but it came out a breathless gasp as the fingers suddenly dropped from his shell and onto the backs of his thighs, squeezing just hard enough to be registered as pressure by his fraying nerves.

"Yet," Leonardo amended. Raph wanted to cuss him out, really he did, but he couldn't because now he was stroking behind his knees, then slowly, SLOWLY inching higher. The heat of his body was RIGHT THERE but the only thing that touched him were his fingers, never ceasing their whispered exploration of his flesh, dancing over and around his tail, which, despite his mental screaming, was fighting to thicken and unroll, expose that one forbidden, clenching, puckered spot...

It was horrible. It was awful. It was maddening. It was-

_Tell him to stop. Tell him you'll kill him. Tell him to **STOP**._

But his traitorous fucking brain wasn't listening, denying him even as those fingers slid to the front, drawing the barest of touches over the v split in his plastron. His world narrowed to them and the parts they delved, and the aneurism triggering heat in his brain. A trickle of drool clung to the edge of his mouth, glimmering while it hung above his clenched fists. Sweat fell in rivulets down his emerald green brow, falling to the roof with silent patters.

A whimper he couldn't stop spilled out of his straining throat, and he felt another puff of warm air on his ear slit in the form of a silent laugh.

He didn't want this. He didn't want this... But no one had ever- ever in his life-

"Or maybe... Maybe I will," Leonardo breathed. "Break you, I mean. I think it's been tried before... But not by someone who knows how. Not by me."

This shouldn't feel good. He shouldn't want more. This shouldn't be-

-under his belt, a hairsbreadth away from the indent that marked where his groin was, oh gods, oh shit-

"Mmm... You want it. You want someone to control you... To bend you... To MAKE you behave. You might not know it, but you do." Leonardo wriggled a bit in a phantom thrusting motion that brought the very tip of Raph's tail brushing against his silken rough plastron and sent fire racing through his veins.

His air was coming hard and heavy. There wasn't enough of it anywhere. The other's fingers circled the air around the swelling bulge, never touching, making him dizzy, and his words were slick and low in his brain. His mind was spiraling, but all of his instincts were begging for those hands to find purchase on his body, quell the hollow ache beneath his ribs and under his-

"I can do it. And if you're good," Leonardo continued, the words nearly a moan, "I'll let you play with me in return..."

_Nononoyesyesnostopstopyesyes **god**_

Was he seriously praying? Did he even know what for?

With the few brain cells NOT blowing like wet fuses, he tried to remember to resist.

"D-d-don't... I d-don't..."

Tried. Didn't really succeed.

"You're a terrible liar..." Leonardo taunted, pulling back and NIPPING sharply at his tail. His teeth snapped closed centimeters away from the wiggling appendage.

Raphael swallowed his tongue to stop the second whine of (horror, agony, WANT) that tried to escape when the fingers moved away from his front and back up to the top ridge of his shell.

"Why don't you sleep on it?"

Suddenly the roof was rushing up to meet his face. Leonardo gave him a hard shove forward and stepped back quickly as he rolled, panting audibly.

Predictably, by the time he did that, the other turtle was gone. It was probably a blessing in disguise. He didn't know what the hell he would have done if Leonardo had still been there.

Dimly, he realized that he had just moved on his own will. Leonardo must have ended the paralysis at some point and he didn't even notice... Or hadn't wanted to notice.

That was too horrible to think about, so he didn't. But the tightly throbbing ache between his legs refused to be ignored.

He'd just been pinned, paralyzed and molested by his enemy. There was no possible reason why he was hard as a rock and shivering in anything other than disgust.

But he was.

His own arousal clung thick in his nose, and underneath it was another smell; the smoky, almost sweet aroma of incense and sword polish that he immediately knew was the other male. His erection surged painfully.

"No," he choked. "No..."

But the beast, his beast, hissed _yes yes **yes** ,_ shocking him by delivering the final betrayal right after his body and his mind. Yes, he was turned on beyond belief even though he'd barely been touched, reduced to a horny, shuddering mess against his will by promises of dominance and dark, sensual things his mind balked at considering.

Dazedly, horrified at himself, he stood up and gathered his weapons from where they'd fallen, flinching as every movement caused his hardness to pulse.

He was so, SO utterly fucked. He thought he knew evil before, but this...

_This takes the motherfucking cake._


	13. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes to a head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REAL SMUT IN THIS PART, plus some heavy Raph angst. Go nuts.
> 
>  
> 
> Review! Maybe if i ask enough, it'll happen.

Raphael faked food poisoning for two weeks straight to avoid going outside and facing what happened. It was a good thing Donatello had rigged the pipe system to give them unlimited water, because he took enough showers to drown a mermaid trying to scrub Leonardo's touch off of his skin. He probably lost a few layers, but it didn't matter. He would still feel those sly fingers running over his flesh, taking what didn't belong to them.

After a while he thought he was going insane, and the dreams didn't help. He hoped that his family passed off his late night moans as sounds of pain. It wasn't so much what HAD happened, it was what HADN'T happened... What ALMOST happened that was the fuel for his wet dreams.

And holy shit, were there wet dreams, every goddamn night, each one more solid and tormenting than the last. He'd wake up shuddering and creaming himself to the feeling of a hot tongue on his neck and the scent of green tea. They were dark, too, bloody and twisted and brutal.

There was also an excess of dick, but the gay part didn't really bother him (much. Alright, a little.) It was the shift in perspective. In all of his previous fantasies, usually about girls and even in the ones about guys, he was the dominant one. But now HE was the one in the submissive, with someone rocking between HIS thighs while he lay there helpless, pumping and sliding and filling him up until he screamed.

Those were the ones that turned him on the most, and he hated it.

By the end of the second week, he was losing it. The suffocating nature of their home was making everything worse, and his nerves were so frazzled his muscles were starting to twitch on their own. His room felt like a cell, and with Splinter watching all of them like hawks he couldn't cut the rising tension out. It was building past a cutting binge, past a drinking binge...past even stealing those little packets of feel good meds from Donnie's lab.

It was building into a Rage- more than a fit, more than an explosion. Those passed within a few seconds and left him empty, cleansed, like a reset. Like a wildfire that burns out and calms down. Rages were different.

Rages were like atomic bombs, destroying everything and anything in their path without a damned care. He'd only had maybe four in his lifetime, and he didn't remember everything that happened, but he remembered the aftermath.

The first one, Mikey hadn't talked to him for a whole week afterward. The second one, Donnie had to replace everything in his lab. After the third one, Casey had to help them replace the stone in the living room. The fourth one ended with a shot of tranquilizers and three hours of picking glass out of his knuckles, and a replaced tv. They escalated every time, and with how fucked up he was feeling, Raph really didn't want a repeat.

So when he felt the first little raging flames starting to eat at him, he tried to hold it off by grabbing his weapons, retrieving his little blade and getting the hell out of dodge.

Mikey was sketching at the kitchen table when he sprinted out of his room and down the stairs. He looked up in a panic when he saw his brother streaking out like the gates of hell were open behind him.

"Dude-"

"Out. Going out."

"Where-"

"Dunno."

"Sensei-"

"Don't care."

"Raph-!"

"Mike...please."

He was shivering again, and whatever he saw in his face made Mikey shut his mouth and sit back down. "S-should I get Donnie?"

"No. No. I'm just gonna...I'll be fine. M'okay."

"O...okay..."

The door was slamming closed before the final syllable was out.

* * *

He went straight to Casey's. By the time he got there, the shivers had mostly stopped, but he still felt on edge. He saw the little sign on the window before he even landed on the fire escape, in April's messy cursive, flapping cheerily in the warm night breeze.

_To any turtles that might stop by, we're out tonight. Call next time!_

He gripped the paper and it trembled in his tight grip as another shudder ripped through his shoulders. They weren't home...

_Shit...shit...shit..._

Raphael stood there frozen on the ledge, unsure of what to do. He didn't want to be outside...but he didn't want to be inside, either. He felt out of control. He-

_Drink. I need a drink._

He dug out a sai and jammed the prong into the lock, wiggling and pushing until it clicked and he was able to wedge it open far enough to get inside. He went straight to the fridge, to the back, where he knew the beer was.

Corona.  _Tastes like piss._ Alcohol. That was all that mattered. He twisted the cap off with his teeth and took a huge gulp, feeling it burn all the way down. A few more sips and the shakes were finally slowing down.

 _Think, think._  What was he going to do? He was feeling too much- it was building up too high, too heavy and he couldn't handle it.

_FootBratLeonardoFamilyAngryHurtshurtshurts_

_Breathe, breathe_. Another gulp-

Sweat rolled down his back and into the ridges of his shell. He shrugged out of his hoodie and kicked it, sliding down to the floor.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

Drink...deeper...swallow-

The alcohol had steadied his body, but his thoughts were still muddled and frantic. He shifted his razor between his thick fingers, debating whether to open it or not. He wanted to, but the blood loss would make him sleepy, and he didn't want to sleep anymore. And the last thing he needed was for Case and April to find him passed out and blood stained on their kitchen floor after breaking in.

That was a conversation he wanted to have NEVER.

He tipped his head back, but nothing came out. Mechanically, he went back into the fridge, got another one, and started downing it.

It took one more before the rage tremors stopped, but the normal, safe anger still simmered underneath. Raphael leaned his head back against the cabinet door and breathed out hard through his nose. He pulled his mask down low over his eyes until there was nothing but darkness behind his lids.

He still wanted an outlet. He'd go do what he usually did- find some punks and beat the shit out of them. He didn't need Casey for that.

He didn't need anything, not those stupid meds and diagnoses Donatello was always trying to shove down his throat, or meditation- none of that shit. Raphael Hamato could take care of himself.

Raph stood up and kicked off his jeans, making sure his blade was well hidden in the front pocket before bundling it with his hoodie and storing it under the couch for later. He took one last sip of his beer and reopened the window, leaping out.

* * *

"STOP, STOP-  _GAAACK_! PLEASE, PLEASE-  _HOAHAACK_!"

The little wannabe West Side rapist made a choking, squeezed sounding little noise every time Raph hit that soft spot in his chest just right, and it was like a symphony to the beast's ears.

The girl he'd saved from this shitbag was long gone. She'd ran off screaming about murderous freaks (ungrateful bitch) but he was used to that. He'd barely spared her a glance, focused as he was on the sound of splintering bone beneath his fingers. The impacts of his hits came back up through his arms and it felt orgasmic, so good and he didn't stop, not even when the pulverized rib pieces shifted audibly under his fists, when the guy was coughing up gouts of blood in between his screams and his nose was unidentifiable from his eyes-

"Keep that up and he'll be dead in five minutes. Not like I'm not enjoying the show, but I hadn't pegged you for a cold blooded murderer."

Two more punches, and then the words finally registered, slowing his hits. Panting, sticky with blood and high on the smell of pain and fear, it was a good minute until his vision cleared enough that he could see Leonardo perched on the railing of the balcony above him, swinging his legs with his chin propped on his wrists like he was at the theatre. He slithered down between the rails and dropped down into the alley like he belonged there, leaning against the far wall. His voice was like a shot of liquor; cold, but smooth and igniting a fire in Raph's belly.

Every confused, painful emotion that he'd drowned in Corona surged to the surface, mixing with the bloodlust that was already there and creating one big steaming mess of emotion.

"GO AWAY!" Raphael roared, more beast than turtle. He saw Leonardo's eyes flash, but to his fury it wasn't with fear. It looked damnear like...excitement.

"No." he purred. "I don't think I will."

Somewhere in the back of his mind Raph noticed that his prey was crawling away on his hands and knees, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He rushed Leonardo without a thought, barely remembering to pull a sai. Leonardo didn't even draw- he met him with just hands and fists.

"You really are psychotic," he said gleefully. "I had a suspicion, but after seeing that? You _were_  going to kill him. I bet your family is terrified of you."

"SHUT UP!" Raphael went straight for his head and neck, knowing it was suicide and not giving a flying fuck. Leonardo was a blur, blocking and defending and diverting and oh god he just wanted to hit him once, just once-

"Make me."

Leonardo kicked out and caught his leg around his arm, immobilizing it. They swayed there for a split second, and then he flexed, forcing Raph's arm to do the same. The red masked turtle yelled as his forearm made an ugly cracking noise and his fingers spasmed, forcing him to drop his sai.

Their balance overcorrected, and he instinctively grabbed Leonardo's shoulder as they fell back against the wall beneath the overhang. Somehow, the smaller turtle ended up on top.

They glared at each other with a heat that was touchable, panting hard from exertion. They were breathing each other's air, barely an inch of space between them. Raph was so close, he could see the droplets of sweat glimmering like diamonds on Leonardo's brow.

"Make me." Leonardo whispered again. The challenge shone in his eyes, the beast was up, and with a growl, Raph thrust his neck forward and crashed their lips together.

It wasn't the hentai horror show he'd expected. Raph came in hard and brutal, pouring every ounce of anger and frustration into the kiss. For the first few minutes Leonardo let him take control, letting his lips fall open easily for his access and running his fingers gently along the dips in his arm, a soft sound of pleasure escaping his throat.

Raphael grabbed the sides of his head and plundered his mouth like it held the last oxygen on earth, reveling in the taste of green tea and mint. It was wet and sloppy and DELICIOUS, and he ravaged the soft cavern like he could mark him from the inside.

Only the burn in his chest from the lack of air made him pull away. A shining string of saliva hung between them while they paused, connecting them until Leonardo licked his lips and broke it. They were gripping each other hard enough to leave bruises, but neither seemed to care. They locked eyes, and the decision was made without words as they dove in again.

"No..hickeys..." Leonardo gasped out, pulling away as Raphael's mouth moved to savage his throat. Raph snorted and ignored him, but he dug his nails into the juncture of his neck and wrenched his head away. "Don't make me stop you," he hissed. They glared for a few seconds, then he smirked. "Don't pout," he mumbled. "It's unattractive. You'll get what you want." He guided their lips together again.

If the first kiss had been dizzying, then this was powerful, more a fight than an embrace. Teeth clashed, tongues thrust against each other, and central to it all was an explosion of hatred, lust, passion and sheer animalism. It turned into a battle.

Leonardo changed tactics in a heartbeat. He pushed back against Raphael's advance, fighting his tongue for dominance. He pushed it back into its owners mouth and showed Raph the same amount of control he'd been given, sucking on it harshly and attacking the sensitive ridges on the roof of his mouth. His fingers wound tightly in his red mask tails and yanked his head down further. His teeth flashed as he gave a growl of his own and bit down HARD on Raphael's lip, pressing until the skin burst and the kiss was suddenly flavored with iron. He kept going until Raph's tongue was bleeding too, mauling the soft skin like it insulted him.

The heady pain mixed with the pleasure and sent Raph's mind spinning, and the taste of his own blood had the beast going bananas. He barely knew which way was up anymore, and there were so many emotions and feelings filling him he couldn't keep track, but he was aware of one thing- he was blisteringly, achingly, RETARDEDLY hard, and only getting harder.

He moved his hips forward, and they both hissed when the sizeable bulges in their plastrons rubbed harshly. A few more snaps and they were dropping down; long, thick and purpling, slits oozing semi clear precome all down their legs to pool on the alley floor.

His body reacted before he could even think about it and begin to have second thoughts. Raphael reached down and hiked Leonardo's leg around his hip, thrusting roughly so that their erections slid and ground against each other in a gloriously slick, hot motion.

Their moans matched in desperation and desire. Leonardo met his every movement eagerly, wrapping his leg tighter around Raph's shell and trapping their pulsing cocks between their bodies. He bounced on the balls of his feet, adding an up and down motion to their rocking. The friction was unbearable and only mounted by the second. Their tongues found each other again, more licking and mingling than actual kissing, gorging on the dark delights being offered.

Raphael's pulse was swimming and his senses were reeling, and he was close enough to Leonardo to feel his heart racing and his blood boiling. It was better than a drug high, and ten times as deadly. They clambered to the peak together, breath for breath, higher and closer. Everything was hot and smelled like pure sex. His toes curled-

_He's the enemy._

_"_ Aaah, ahh... Yes, yesss..."

_He's evil._

_"_ Mmm f-fuck, f-fuck-come on come on-! _"_

_This is wrong._

"O-oh Gods more, more, m-AH! Yes!"

Muscles bunched, teeth snapped and sweat fell in waterfalls. Raphael thrust like a machine, shaking so hard he looked in danger of coming apart. He was so close, so...

He forced his eyes open, and the sight that met him- Leonardo with his head thrown back in a silent yell of bliss, eyes narrowed to slits, throat bared, the tails of his mask sticking to his neck like they were choking him out-

_Beautiful._

Colors burst behind his eyeballs and he came with a roar, pouring out his gut and his brain through his cock until he was drained and empty. Leonardo followed moments after, and they marked each other for what seemed like hours. Raph let his chin drop to his chest and struggled to catch his breath, frozen.

"You're starting to hurt me."

He dragged his eyes open and looked down to see Leonardo staring him fully in the face. He had a red brown flush that Raph was sure matched his own. He realized that his fingers were starting to leave bruises on the other male's biceps. Streaks of cum littered the ground like pearly paint, glimmering wetly in the dark. A sickening wave of nauseous anger swept through him, and a river of burning bile started crawling up his throat.

_What did I just do?_

"I should do more den that." he spat, shoving him away with a disgusted shiver. He reached down to tuck himself away, attempting to hide his embarrassment. He could feel Leonardo's eyes watching him greedily.

"Did you hear me complaining?" Leonardo sneered. "Because I didn't. This is a fine time to be shy though, after cuming all over us."

"There ain't no us!" Raph yelled, near hysterical. His accent broke through more strongly with every word. "This nevah happened, understand? This nevah happened!"

"Why are you so afraid?" Leonardo replied, a smile flickering at his lips. "You weren't a few minutes ago."

"Did'ja ferget who tha fuck we are?! Yer mah enemy! I-I just..." He gagged before he could get the rest of the sentence out, backpedaling to rest his shell against the brick and trying to remember those dumbass breathing exercises Splinter had taught him.

_Splinter, oh God, Splinter. What would he say...if he knew-"_

_"_ Just...slept with the enemy?" Leonardo supplied, crossing his arms casually. He grinned at Raph's wince. "Although, depending on how you look at it, we're not really enemies. And you didn't sleep with me. More like..." he rolled his head slowly from side to side, "fraternized. Briefly."

Still too stunned to be properly angry, (but he was working on it) Raphael let out a humorless laugh. "We ain't enemies?! How tha hell d'ja figure that? I tried ta kill you...you tried ta kill me!"

"I've had a lot of people try to kill me." Leonardo shrugged. "And vice versa. But despite having an annoying habit of showing up when you're not wanted," he muttered, cocking an exasperated eye ridge and FINALLY putting himself away, "you haven't done anything personally to me to make you my enemy."

"Our clans-"

"Exactly." he sighed. "Our CLANS are enemies. You and me though...we don't have to be. We could be  _so_  much more."

Raph glowered at him and clenched his hands into fists. "Ya think I don't know what this is? Ya think I don't know that yer tryin' ta...ta seduce me? So me an my family can wind up in a cage underground somewhere?"

Leonardo crossed his ankles. "You're right, I am trying to seduce you. But it's not for anyone's gain but my own."

Raph gritted his teeth so hard they squeaked. Leonardo was talking in circles and he was nearing the end of his rope. "Ya think I can't see this fer what it is. This is a trap. They know yer here."

"If this was some kind of plot, I would have let you chew up my neck as proof that I'd succeeded." Leonardo countered. "Or I would have done it the quick way, signalled the Foot, and they would have already been here. You'd be dead, and we would be back tracing the coordinates on your little cell phone to find out where your family is hiding." Raph's retort stuck in his throat, and Leonardo continued. "Seeing as how none of this has happened, I think you're good."

His head was POUNDING, almost at migraine danger mode level. Raphael squeezed his eyes shut and bared his teeth, digging his fingers into his skull. This was so fucked up. Words did not express how fucked up this was, how fucked up HE was for even listening to this. "What tha hell do you want?"

He heard soft footsteps. When he opened his eyes, Leonardo was almost as close as he'd been when they were-

"You," he breathed. "This." He grabbed Raph's arms, shivering audibly at the feeling of bunched, corded muscle. "I saw what I wanted, so I took it. Sue me, but I'm used to getting what I want." He smirked. "Heir to a throne, and all of that."

Raphael felt his mouth go completely dry. "Why me? Why're ya doing this ta ME?"

"Because you're just like me." Leonardo said. "I can sense the monster inside. I saw it tonight and I saw it before. I can handle it, just like you can handle mine." The low purr in his voice stroked the beast, igniting it. "No human lover I've ever tried to take could satisfy me in the way I  _know_  you could."

"I ain't nothing like you. I'm good. You don't know me." Raph growled. But he didn't pull away.

"Mmm...I don't think that's true. Remember? I caught you beating the life out of a teenager with your bare hands. I know you better than you think I know you. I know that if you got the chance, you would hurt me, and ravage me. And I'd do the same to you." His canines glinted sharply when he smiled, and there was a feral look in his eye. "You're the perfect playmate for me. You're resilient, and you have stamina...and I want you all to myself."

"So ya expect me ta believe everythin' yer sayin'." Raphael repeated dryly. "That the kid of my enemy just wants to have a good time."

Leonardo rolled his eyes heavily. "I could have killed you multiple times in the past. I could have killed you while we were standing here. Why go through all the trouble of seducing you for that reason when I could just do it the old fashioned way?"

Raphael narrowed his, wishing he had that freaky lie detector sense Splinter did. It made sense, but he'd be stupid to just hold his nose and jump right in. "I don't trust you. I nevah will."

"Who said anything about trust? I don't want you to trust me past not killing you, or love me, or really even like me. All I want you to do is make me cum. This is about sex, pure and simple." Leonardo coiled the ends of his mask in his fist again and tugged roughly.

This couldn't be real. This could not be fucking real. But the look in his eyes... He couldn't see any lie there. Just determination.

"An'... An' if I say alright?"

"Just one rule. No bites where anyone could see them. Bruises are easy. We could have gotten those doing anything." He glanced at Raph out of the side of his vision. "If you're anything like me, they'll heal quickly anyway. But it'll be hard to explain your teeth in my neck, and I'm guessing you're not a good enough liar to explain away mine."

"Like you? A clone?" The retort was flying out before he could stop it, and he immediately wanted to punch himself at the look on the other's face.

"A cl- what?" Leonardo broke into low snickers, and Raph tried to kill his blush. "Seriously? You think I'm a- no. Oh, wow. That's priceless."

Damn. And it sounded so smart when Donnie said it...

"Shut up," he snapped. "What tha hell else was we supposed ta think? You popped up out of the freakin' blue and we thought we were tha only ones."

"Use your eyes. Use your nose. Do I smell like a lab?" Leonardo shook his head. "I'm obviously one of you."

"You AIN'T one of us," Raph snarled, eyes flashing. The statement had struck a low, ugly cord inside him. "Whoever you are, ya ain't one of us." If there were other turtles out there, and even if there wasn't, Leonardo would never be considered "one of us".

"Fine, fine. Whatever. It doesn't really matter, anyway. I'm perfectly content staying who I am." Leonardo titled his chin up and gazed at Raph through slitted eyelids, brown irises smoky and dark underneath. "Do we have a deal,  _Senshi?"_

He didn't even wait for a response, just leaned up and kissed him again. When he pulled away, there was a streak of blood in the corner of his mouth. His tongue flicked out to lick it away, and Raph groaned. "S-shit..."

"I knew you'd see it my way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Senshi: Warrior


	14. Hard on the Knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first of many lessons Raphael will learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut! 
> 
> Please Comment!

They made out like that for a few more minutes, and mutant turtle stamina had them both hardening again in no time flat.

"At least you don't dissapoint there," Leonardo mumbled, smiling against Raphael's mouth once he felt his renewed hardness rubbing against his thigh. "This is going to be so much fun..."

Raph pulled away and growled into his shoulder, slightly dizzy as his blood changed directions AGAIN. He was ready to hoist Leonardo's legs wide and screw him right into the alley wall, but then-

**"RING RING RING RING RING RING RING, BANANA _PHOOOONE_! RING RING RING RING RING RING RING, BANANA _PHOOOONE_!"**

His cell started going nuts, jumping and buzzing out of his belt like it couldn't have been happier to be a cock block. With Mikey's stupid ring tone, no less.

"Fuck." _I'm gonna break his neck._

Leonardo pulled away and smirked mockingly. "That's adorable."

"Shut up," Raph snapped, fumbling for the silence button. He groaned internally when he saw the screen. Twenty missed texts, five missed calls. Reality came crashing back in, effectively killing his arousal and kick starting his brain.

He glanced back at Leonardo, and the other turtle was glaring at a slim black metal band around his wrist. A small red light was blinking on it, and he sighed. "I'm getting summoned too."

Raph lowered his eyes and palmed his phone, trying to find the words and coming up blank. What did you say to your kind-of-enemy-turned-fuck-buddy after a fight-turned-jack off session? ' _Have a nice evening'?_

"R-right," he coughed, rubbing under his eye mask and looking ANYWHERE but at Leonardo, who rolled his eyes. "Goodbye, Raphael. I'll see you again in a few days."

That brought him up short. "How tha hell ya gonna do that? Shine the Bat signal?"

"Either come back here, or I'll find you. It won't be hard- I'll just follow the screams of dying criminals." Leonardo said sweetly. Raph clenched his fists threateningly, but all he did was wipe the rest of the blood from his mouth, wiggle his fingers, and vanish back into the shadows at the corner of the alley. Before he did, as he was turning around, Raphael caught a glimpse of his shell and the sheaths strapped to it. They were empty- he wasn't even ARMED.

_Cocky little son of a..._

His phone cut off his internal curse, this time with Donnie's tech-y ringtone. Shaking his head, Raph leaned back and answered it, holding the phone about a foot away from his earslit in preparation or the chewing out he was about to receive. "'Lo?"

 ** _"*WHERE IN THE HELL-_** *" the shrill scream broke off into an unintelligible scuffle. There was an angry yell, and then instead of a pissed off Donnie, Mikey's voice came through the speaker, clearly trying to be cool and unconcerned as a buffer.

 **" _*Heyyyy, Raphie. What's, um, what's going on?_ *"** There was an underlying tone in his voice that said 'This M.F-er is liable to explode, but stay chill and we might get out of here with all of our skin'. Raph could almost see the LOOK he was giving Donnie at that very moment.

 _'I bet your family is terrified of you...'_ Leonardo's jab circled around from the back of his mind to hit him in the gut. Denial said that he didn't know shit about how their family worked- Donnie sure didn't act scared of him- but it was hard to deny it when it was staring him in the face.

"H-Hey, Mike. I'm um...I'm good. I'm...okay."

_**"*Um...you sure?** *"_

"Uh, yeah."

_**"*ASK HIM WHERE HE'S BEEN!*"** _

**_"*You, uh, you stop by Casey's?*_ "** If he didn't feel so much like a pile of shit, it might have been funny.

"Yeah. I left some stuff over there though. I'mma go get it and then I'mma come back."

_"* **Should we just meet you out there? It's a little late, but we could probably squeeze a few hours of patrol in-*** "_

Raph looked down at himself- covered in blood and dried semen like some kind of fucked up finger painting- and immediately panicked. "NO!" Everything fell silent on the other end of the line, and he wanted to strangle himself. "I mean, uh, no. No. Jus' forget it. Call tonight a off day. I'll be back soon. Promise."

 ** _"*...Alright. See you soon, dude.*_** " Raph almost wanted to cry in relief when Mikey hung up without another word. No questions asked, no lecture. He loved Mikey more than he ever had at that moment.

Truthfully though, he had been two seconds away from spilling his guts to his little brother over the phone. Mikey was understanding, but 'I just fucked around with the Foot Brat' probably wouldn't garner a lot of sympathy from the youngest.

Exhaling, Raph stood up straight and scrubbed at his eyelids. Crusty bits of copper flaked off under his fingernails. He needed to shower, and get his stuff back from Casey's so he could go home.

He purposely shoved all of his thoughts and feelings to the back of his brain, resolving to think about them later. Maybe.

Easier said than done, but he managed, even as he watched the evidence from what he'd done swirling down the drain of April's shower in bright crimson curls and spirals, nearly making him forget about the ugliness of what it was from.

_Don't think about it. Don't._

But shit, he hadn't cum that hard in...never.

_Do. **Not**. Think._

The water had been running cold for at least five minutes before he realized it, shivering hard under the icy spray. He heard the door creaking open almost immediately after he pulled on his hoodie in the middle of the kitchen.

"-fell asleep on the ride home. I'm so glad we didn't take the subway."

"Yeah. We might not have survived. What the..."

"What?" April hiss called from the other room, careful not to wake the comatose child cradled precariously in her arms. Casey blinked hard and turned his head to gaze at the room head on. "I thought I saw...Mm. Nevermind." He turned around as his wife walked back, child free and pulling the scrunchy from her fiery hair.

"Well, Cody's out. Benadryl couldn't have done it better." she said smugly. Casey smirked and embraced her, wrapping his hands around the curve of her behind. "Ya sure you didn't slip him none, Supermom?"

"Well...maybe a little." April giggled as he tongued under her ear.

"Mmm...love ya, Red."

Neither of them noticed the blank, pained golden gaze that watched them from the cracked window, before it faded away into the night.

* * *

 Raphael barely said two words to anyone when he finally made it home. Splinter, thankfully, had caught a cold a few days previous and was out on cough medicine. One glance at the hollow, haunted look in his older brother's eyes stopped Donnie's lecture cold and turned it into a quiet, tired sigh.

"Medicine is on the counter." he said wearily, rubbing at the bridge of his beak.

"Dun' need 'em." Raph protested, but there was no real fight in his tone.

"Okay. I'll tell Splinter you're not feeling good and you cancelled practice tomorrow."

"'M not crazy."

"We know, dude. It's okay."

The drugs were for bipolar shit, some stuff he'd never seen before. Donnie must have trying out a new fix it method that week. His younger brother had never really diagnosed him, but Raph knew the whole house thought that something was wrong with him internally.

 _Leader Extraordinaire_.

He read the bottle just far enough so that he knew how many to take without dying, then unscrewed the cap and tossed the little blue capsules down dry. He got in his hammock and stared at his reflection in his razor while he waited for them to kick in. He only had the energy to cut one thin line before he fell asleep.

* * *

 Leonardo stared at his reflection in the little ceremonial kunai, different from the rest in his arsenal, holding the blade up with one hand and plucking thoughtfully at the black ribbons around his arm with the other, bare except for those.

This blade, wrapped in white cloth with a line of red characters down the handle, wasn't for fighting. The edges hadn't been crusted with his blood in years, and he'd thought that that would have changed this night. But thankfully it hadn't.

He twirled it between his thick fingers for a while, watching his brown eyes flash back and forth. He had resented being sent away for the longest time, but he had a new perspective on it now. Being away had let him develop him own way of thinking about things, and gain a kind of independence from his father's ideals. What the Shredder didn't know wouldn't kill him.

And if it did, well, he'd take over that much quicker.

He grinned and turned over.

Now he just had to figure out what to do with his precious _Ane_.

* * *

  ** _(One Week Later)_**

"I almost thought you wouldn't show." Leonardo smiled, already reclined in a catlike position on the fire escape as the figure below removed its red hood and revealed itself to be one slightly pissy Raphael.

"Jus' shut up and get down here." Raph growled, trying not to focus on how that statement brought to mind all the thousands of reasons why he SHOULDN'T have shown up.

"You're always so rude."

A vein started to pop in Raph's brain, but Leonardo finally deigned to swing down to street level. He was wearing less armour than usual, but that didn't make Raphael feel any better.

Raph crammed his hands in his pockets and forced himself not to rock backwards on his heels like a dweeb. His body was getting excited despite himself. "So...what?" he snapped.

"We're not doing this here. It's a miracle we didn't get caught last time." Leonardo told him.

"Again- so, what?"

"Just follow me."

The place he led them turned out to be an old, decrepit warehouse across the city, near the docks. It was far away from both the Foot Tower and the network of manhole covers and sewer entrances that connected the Hamatos to the New York streets.

Most of the windows were already smashed out, so it was easy for them to shimmy down the back wall and into the leaning, frigid structure.

Raphael shivered and looked furtively over his shoulders while he waited for his vision to adjust to the soupy darkness. He felt Leonardo brush past him. "You bring all yer fuck buddies here?" he quipped sharply. "Makes me wonder how many came back."

He saw those brown eyes roll upwards, and it gave him a small stab of satisfaction. "Take off your weapons."

Raph reached down to grip his sai, but didn't comply. "'Scuse me?"

Leonardo made a frustrated little noise. "You know, you actually make my eyeballs hurt. Take. Off. Your. Weapons, please."

Sure. He'd followed him there, and after that his trust level was pretty much empty. Raph snorted harshly, crossing his arms. "Mmhm. Let me just hand ya the blade. Hold up, lemme lean my head back too, give ya a good angle on my throat."

Leonardo drew his swords suddenly, causing an immediate reaction of tensed muscles from the red masked turtle (knew it, knew it, fucking dumbass I KNEW it), but before Raph could make another move he dropped them into the floor with a sharp ringing clash. "If we're doing this, I won't be armed. But neither will you. So," he finished, "you can keep them on you, turn around and go back home. Or, you can do what I asked, take them off, and we both get what we want."

Raph glared sourly at him for a second. Then, reluctantly, he unholstered his beloved weapons and tossed them away. "There. Happy?"

Leonardo smiled. "Was that so hard? I doubt it." He raised his hand and crooked a finger. "C'mere."

Raphael started to balk at being called, like some sort of dog, but the look in his eye stilled his words and he found himself obeying. Their bodies fit together and their mouths found each other in another hungry kiss. It was no less hot and brutal than the first time they'd done it, rippling through both of them like a blowtorch flame being lit. It tasted so good, felt so good because he'd never had anything like it before, and he greedily took more and more.

He didn't know if Leonardo had gills or what, but Raphael eventually had to concede defeat and pull away to breathe. He licked the flavour of the other male off his mouth and raised an eyeridge. "So...how's this gonna work?"

Maybe he wasn't an expert in this stuff, but he knew the basics. When it was two guys, one had to be on the receiving end. He didn't want this to turn into a fight ( _although he really wouldn't mind)_ , but it wasn't in his nature to lay down and take something like that. The thought made him bristle.

Leonardo drew away slightly, an unreadable expression on his face as something flickered in his eyes. "Oh, we're not there yet. Not even close."

Disbelief washed through the larger turtle, followed by heat- the ugly kind. His eyes widened, then narrowed to slits. "You wanna run that by me again?"

Leonardo pushed him away at the threatening tone in his voice. "Did you really think you were going to get all of me right now?" he asked dubiously. "That's not how this goes. First of all, you'd have no idea what you were doing, and that would just make it bad for both of us. And secondly...do you remember what I told you a few weeks ago?" His words dropped an octave, suddenly low and sultry where seconds before they'd been chilly and lecturing.

"Remind me." Raph spat.

"You're MINE, not the other way around. I decide when you receive that privilege." he said. Then his smile was back. "Trust me. I'll show you things you've never seen, or felt. We'll get there, eventually. I promise."

"Like that means anythin' ta me." Raph grumbled. Leonardo chuckled, and then-

Oh. _Ah._..

Fingers played along the edges of the secret slit between his legs, maddening and testing and teasing. His protests grew wings and flew out of his head as Leonardo pressed against it and slipped inside, drawing out his half hard length. Raph shuddered and braced himself with an arm against the wall while Leonardo licked at the sweat gathering at the base of his throat.

Why did it feel so much better when someone else was doing it?

Leonardo switched to actual pulls and yanks, forcing him to full hardness in seconds. He could feel the rough sword calluses on Leonardo's hands and the friction was unbelievable, almost painful. But somehow that made it better, slickened by the moisture welling at his tip. His chest felt too small to contain his heart, the flood he could feel coursing through his veins down down down to where his cock was painting sticky patterns on his plastron.

He didn't realize Leonardo had sunk to his knees until he felt a glancing kiss on his thigh, making him jerk and tear his eyes open. He breathed warm air onto his cock with every exhale, and it twitched every time.

"You've obviously never had this done to you before, so this is how this is going to work." Leonardo began smugly. "I'll do it first, and show you how. Then you'll do it to me. And if you do it right, I'll give you another one. Who knows, I might even swallow." he shrugged.

"I-...ya- _uuuuughnn_..." All he could do at the first long lick was breathe and groan. His eyes started to close again, but Leonardo squeezed him HARD and hissed "Watch", so he did, staring in amazement as he ran his tongue up the underside of his cock with perfect accuracy, tracing the bulging veins through a sheen of precome.

Raphael's breath left him in little huffs mixed with curses. "Fffuck...fffuck, fffuck..." he gasped, rolling his hips in short, uncontrollable motions. The wet explosions of sensation were hitting him from all sides, and the VISUAL...

He couldn't stop watching even if he tried. He didn't know what was better, the sight or the noises. Leonardo was sucking his cock like a tootsie roll, sipping and slurping like he had a camera on him, leaving shiny trails across his face and neck. He was doing shit Raph couldn't even recall seeing in the porn films. His tongue was finding every sensitive crevice up and down Raph's swollen ten inches, twirling like an acrobat.

He pulled off with a pop and wiped his mouth, glancing up with half lidded eyes. They both stared at the stands of saliva and precome connecting him to the head and glossing his already swelling lips. He laughed softly at the astonished look on Raph's face, winked, and went back down.

It was so...WET and nasty, and oh FUCK it was so good...

Half formed words and growls escaped his chest and he felt a tight, constricting pressure building in his lower stomach. Leonardo just kept teasing him with a soft tongue and lips and the occasional swallow, and Raph bit his lip and rocked against the wall, shoulders shaking.

Leonardo did some kind of fluttering motion under the pulsing head with his lips, and Raph's knees almost gave out. He had never been so close so fast, and he didn't give a shit. He could feel the best orgasm he'd ever had in his life bubbling up like lava, quick and burning his insides. He'd never be able to jerk off again, after this.

As if that wasn't enough, he almost screamed when he felt the sharp points of teeth being drawn down his flesh. When he looked down, Leonardo was staring him dead in the face, so he knew it was completely on purpose. The pain was ridiculous, another fiery level to the feeling, and he hardened even further, shoved closer to the edge. Leonardo nipped and bit while he sucked, not gently, and it was blinding.

"Oh shit, oh sh-shit baby, oh shit I'm gonna fuckin' cum, fuck-" he babbled. He let out a disbelieving noise ( _it wasn't a whimper, fuck that it **WASN'T** )_ when Leonardo pulled mostly off, stroking him slowly through his fist. Senseless, desperate to finish, Raphael snarled and thrust forward, which Leonardo deftly avoided.

"One more thing." he whispered, placing a hand on Raph's hip to hold him in place. There was a strange expression on his face, pointedly focused.

He opened his mouth and sank back down slow, and this time he didn't stop at the head or at the halfway point- he kept going, inch by inch until his nose was damnear touching Raphael's stomach.

_Deepthroat. He just deepthroated me. I'm being fucking deepthroated._

He watched Leonardo's eyes clench tight, slightly moist with the effort of relaxing his throat. He reached up, and guided Raph's hand to the back of his head. Raph pistoned up once, and he gagged, gulping.

The gag did something to Raphael, stirred the beast from where it had been sedated by pleasure. Something dark and vicious rose up inside him, yearning for more of that tortured sound. He wanted more, wanted choking and gagging. He wanted to see him _suffocate_.

He fisted his fingers in that black mask and started thrusting in earnest, dragging more of that lovely gagging out of that stretched throat the faster he went. Leonardo moaned, and bit down in retaliation. His cock felt like it was on fire, surrounded by tight moist heat and vibrations and throbbing from being bitten and then-

He was gone, cumming almost like he had no choice. Stars exploded in his head, everything blurred together, one moment of continuous pleasure that lasted for at least twenty years.

When he came back down, Leonardo was standing and spitting heavily on the floor, shaking sticky strings from his fingers. He looked out of the corner of his eye at the sweat soaked, wrecked turtle in front of him, and grinned a demon's grin. "Your turn."

Raph felt a foot hook behind his knees, and his reflexes, shattered as they were, couldn't react before he was on the floor, kneeling.

He was still catching his breath and struggling to breathe. He looked up, and realized that Leonardo must have been stroking himself while blowing him, because the lighter turtle was already erect and leaking. He was just as large as Raphael himself, maybe an inch longer, but a little slimmer width wise. His slit was wide open, emanating a thick musky smell.

Leonardo canted his hips, sliding his warm head over and past Raph's lips. He tasted salty and bitter on his tongue, hot flesh and masculinity, and he moaned through his nose when Raph gave him a tentative lick. "Come on," he breathed, gripping his rock like shoulder.

An unexpected lash of nervousness made Raphael pause. What if he sucked at this, like he did at pretty much everything else? He was here on his knees betraying his family, so that was a forfeit on "brother" and "son" and "leader". What if he couldn't do this, either? Something as simple as sucking cock. Leonardo was going to laugh in his face and call the whole thing off, and in that moment he realized that he didn't want that to happen.

He leaned away, but Leonardo must have seen the thoughts in his eyes. "Don't think about them," he whispered, running his hands over Raph's head. "This has nothing to do with them. You've always been their leader, and I can tell you've never really taken anything for yourself. It's always about them." Raph growled warningly, but he continued.

"Take something for yourself, for once. That's what this is about."

He'd never had anything close to this, and he wanted to believe that he deserved this.

Raph groaned, a sound of giving in as he opened his mouth fully and swallowed him down. Leonardo threw his head back and gave a low whimper, instantly twining his hand in Raph's mask tails and pulling him further. "Mmmm yesss..."

Raph put a hand on the base to steady himself, mouthing at the head, licking down slow, and using his hands at the same time. There was a slick, obscene sound as he slid up and down, trying to get accustomed to the hot unyielding presence in his jaw.

"T-teeth," Leonardo gasped out. Raph paused and grumbled, craning his neck up to glare at him. "'Mmnmot'h."

"I know," Leonardo hissed, gripping the back of his head and pushing him down. "Use- use them. Do it."

He wanted teeth? _Fine_. He'd get them.

Raphael relaxed, then tensed, tightening his jaw while as he yanked away harshly. His teeth scraped unforgivingly over his length. He expected a yell, or a reaction of pain, but to his shock Leonardo moaned the loudest yet and shook apart against his body. His shell dragged loudly on the crumbling brick behind him as he slid to the floor, the hand in Raph's mask pulling the larger turtle down with him. He had to lean forward and flatten his palm against the floor to stop from falling on his face.

Well, shit. He'd found another sadist. _Guess that makes us fucking soul mates._

He tried to remember all the stuff Leonardo had done to him, but it was hard to do that AND concentrate on what he was doing. He had to learn on the fly, testing to see what was right and what was wrong.

Most of it was accidental, like when he started coughing on his own spit and hollowed his cheeks to swallow, the resulting hard suction making Leonardo dig gouges in the floor with his nails, needy moans escaping the other male as saliva spilled out of his mouth.

After a while, Raphael could feel the corners of his lips starting to get sore from the friction, and his knees started to hurt, but for some weird reason he didn't mind. There was something extremely satisfying in seeing the so far infallible Leonardo squirming and helpless, all because of him. They fell into a rhythm- Leonardo's hips pushing forward and backwards into Raphael and his hands keeping his head fixed, not quite fucking his mouth like Raph had done to him but not being gentle either. 

When he hit the back of the throat, Raph's eyes stung, and he reflexively started to pull away, but Leonardo's grip was relentless, and he started choking in between sucks. He gripped the thigh coiled over his shoulder hard enough that blood well under his fingernails, and felt an answering spike of pain on his arm. Leonardo was undulating, struggling to breathe and gasping out mangled Japanese curses.

The idea struck him like lightning, and he was moving before he could even think about it. Raphael dug his nails harder into the wound he'd inflicted. He could almost feel the pain he was no doubt inflicting as if it were happening to him, a hot sting that rushed through your entire body and set every nerve on fire.

That leg twitched spastically, and Leonardo made a strangled yell as he came down Raph's throat.

Raphael yanked away once his body relaxed to spit, running his tongue around his mouth to gather the last of the slippery substance. "Ugh, shit," he coughed.

"N-not like yours was...any better." Leonardo shot back. The scratches on his leg and on Raph's bicep were already coagulating thanks to mutant healing. They both sat there for a while, recovering. Raphael's overdue afterglow started setting in, and it felt like he'd downed a twelve pack. It was warm, a little tingly...and most of all, beast free.

He sighed and rolled his head back against the wall, boneless. He pulled his mask down over his eyes and stared into the fuzzy red tinged darkness. It was a surprise when he shifted, and found out that he was half hard in the aftermath.

"...Thought ya said you'd do me again."

"I said I'd do it again if you were _good_." Leonardo replied, sounding as relaxed as Raphael felt.

He'd even most the ability to get truly irritated. Without moving any other part of his body, Raph smeared his hand through the drops of cum littering the top of his plastron and flicked his fingers in Leonardo's direction, smirking when he heard the lighter turtle give an indignant snort.

"Ungrateful bastard. Fine." Raph listened to his body move, and his smirk widened into a full blown smile when he felt warm hands on his thighs. He started to pull his mask back up, but Leonardo intercepted him. "Leave it."

If possible, it was twice as better the second time around. Afterwards, after he swallowed most of it, Leonardo pressed a mocking kiss to Raphael's panting, wide open mouth and trickled his own cum down his throat, laughing sadistically when he choked on it.

"SON OF A- _gaack, ahaack_ \- BITCH!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some people asked for a little insight on Leo's thoughts. Honestly, he's staying mostly a mystery until the end, but I tried to deliver without giving his motivations away.


	15. Meantime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, in the real world...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a memory in this chapter- memories will always be in italics.
> 
> The incredible SakyCchan on FF has made the first ever fanart for this story! I'm so excited and grateful. Check out the link in the end notes to see it. It's explicit, but let's be honest, that's what you're here for.
> 
> Any other artists out there, feel free! I don't abide writing spin offs without permission, but art is totally fine. Send me links so I can see and share!

"Switch to the A-K47 dude, that little gun can't handle the snipers in there."

"Can it Mike, I know what I'm doing."

Raphael swiveled on his feet and dove behind a covering of debris, seeing his brother do the same on the opposite side of the room. He froze instantly at the shuffle of movement ahead, thinking maybe they'd been sighted, but the bullets didn't come and there were no shouts of alarm, so he relaxed slightly.

" _Sheeeeit_ ," Mikey hissed. "That machine gunner a-hole is down there." His language always got more Raphael-esque when the objective was new and intense.

"So distract him."

"I'm out of flash grenades!"

"Well maybe ya shouldn't'a been tossin' em around like a stoned pikachu earlier!"

Mikey's retort was cut off by the sound of a revolver magazine being racked, and a warning exclamation.

"Fuck this," Raphael snarled under his breath, rolling out from his hiding spot and squeezing down hard on the trigger.

"Raph, Raph wait! Dammit!"

It was too late- the first sentry's skull exploded in a grisly shower of grey and red gore all over his goggles, and the rest of the bullets nearly tore him in two. The room was lit up in seconds, people dropping into puddles of blood and body parts like dominos.

"No! No!"

He turned when Mikey yelled and saw his brother take a knife to the back as another soldier appeared out of the darkness behind him. Cursing, he dug into his med pack, but his vision reddened and darkened around the edges as a hard impact jarred him, replacing his view of the firefight with blackness and a single word.

**DEATH. RED TEAM: LOSS.**

"Shit!" Raphael dropped the game controller with a disgusted sound and flung his head back against the couch, shaking it. "Shit shit shit!"

Beside him, Mikey grimaced and pretended to smash the controller into his beak, mushing the buttons against his face and making them light up as they waited for the COD respawn screen. "Dude! Epic example of uncool!"

 ** _*What the flying fuck was that, Sh3llR4iz3r!?_** * one of their Live teammates snapped over the headsets. _ ***You got us fucking slaughtered!***_

"Sorry, Reaper. My partner struggles with ADHD issues. It's truly tragic," Mikey sighed, with a sour milk glare at Raph. The effect was ruined by the funky angle of his gamer headset. Their skulls were wider than a humans and shaped so much differently, so one speaker was squished against one ear slit, tucked into the side of his mask, and the other hung off the back of his head.

Raph threw a pillow at him and grinned when he squawked. "Ya were takin' too long. I had three birthdays waitin' fer you."

"Whatever, jerk," Mikey grumbled, turning back to the map selection screen. Three things he was dead serious about- his cat, his art, and his video games. "Just don't pull that junk again. You're making ShellRaiser look bad."

Raph snorted and rolled his eyes. "Look in tha mirror. I didn't help that."

While Mikey scrolled through the maps, Raph flexed out his fingers thoughtfully. Splinter wasn't psyched at their choice of video games, but a few brainy articles provided by Donnie about better hand eye coordination and some shit about violence desensitization kept him off their backs. For Raph, the video pixel gore was a pale substitute for the real thing, but it acted like a small daily snack to whet the beast's appetite.

Raph's mind wandered while he cracked his knuckles systematically, one by one. Unsurprisingly, his thoughts turned to Leonardo, accompanied by the quickly becoming familiar surge of annoyance, nausea, and confusion.

"You wanna try the jungle ruins map again?"

"Huh? Oh, y-yeah. Sure." He picked up the controlled and cycled through the weapons selection.

He hadn't seen the katana user in at least a week since their last little ( _fling? Encounter_?), because Leonardo pointed out that getting together regularly would be suspicious. Actually what he'd done was toss the equivalent of "See you whenever, I guess" over his shoulder as he left Raphael cum spattered and jelly boned on the floor of the dock warehouse.

 _Prick_...

"Alright dude, let's do this." Mikey leaned over and nudged his shoulder, distracting him from the hot tingles of irritation crawling over his skin. Raph shook himself and tried to remember the difference between a Bereta and an M-80.

That was fine though, whatever, because that was the point of this whole thing. Get in, get what you want, and get out. Like Wal-Mart. They didn't give a rats ass about each other past what their bodies offered, and that was alright with him.

"Try not to get us wasted this time, dude."

"Worry about yerself, knucklehead."

A shiver rolled through his shoulders, and he bit the inside of his cheek as a flicker of memory jumped to the front of his mind- Leonardo's sinful tongue turning figure eights down his cock. His gut gave a harsh twist, and it took everything in him not to cross his leg over his lap.

Yeah, Leonardo was an ass, but when he used his mouth for something other than raising Raph's blood pressure, it was _good._ Beyond good. Great.

...maybe a little too great.

"To the right dude. The right!"

"I got it! Shut up!"

That was a warning flag in itself. Not that he'd had any prior knowledge with that kind of stuff, but he guessed that sucking dick so easily didn't come without practice. Which meant Leonardo hadn't been lying when he said he had other lovers.

As much as he hated to think it, Leonardo was the experienced one, and that meant Raph was the blushing virgin. The thought made his tongue curl. Just how many people had Leonardo been with? Karai was by all appearances a slut; it made sense that her fake brother wouldn't be any different.

But how could he have gotten any, looking the way he did? Wasn't the whole point of this because no one else would? Or did being Shredder's mutant charity case cancel out being a freak?

That wasn't jealousy turning his insides, by the way, because jealousy would mean he actually cared. And he didn't. If it was jealousy, it was only because Leonardo had somehow done what Raph couldn't. Not even the most desperate street walker would ever drop her skirt for _him_.

More evidence that Leonardo was nothing but a spoiled, arrogant little Foot Brat.

"Right! I said right! Oh my god stop sucking, stop it right now! NO OH MY GOD WHAT THE F-"

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH, MICHELANGELO!"

Mikey bit off the end of his sentence and ended it with a stressed whimper when Splinter's sharp reprimand floated out from nowhere, watching with dismayed baby blues as their screen filled up with bullet holes and a second death screen. "I hate you," he whined. "I really, really hate you." He closed his eyes and flung out a hand, waving it hysterically. "Go. Get out. I can't deal with this anymore. I don't know what crawled up your butt today, but either pull it out or take your suckishness somewhere else."

Thoroughly flustered, Raph swatted at him and hauled himself to his feet, right when Donnie decided to walk in.

"Don, come help me repair the damage Raphie did," Mikey pleaded, waving Raph's discarded controller enticingly at the second youngest.

Donatello shook his head and lifted his shoulder in an apologetic shrug. "No can do. I just needed to talk to Raph."

"Bout what?" Raph questioned.

"The patrol tonight," Donnie answered. "We can't miss another one." Raph quickly covered the answering flash of guilty conscience, and Donnie continued. "We have to check out those kidnappings as well. They're up to ten kids now and the police are completely stumped. We have to avoid Karai and her-" he paused, and his lip curled slightly- " _brother_ , if we want to get anything done."

If possible, Donatello seemed to hate Leonardo even more than the rest of them did. He didn't typically get emotional about their enemies like Raphael did, but in this case he was taking Leonardo's allegiance to the Foot as a personal affront. By that time they'd all noticed Leonardo's barely concealed flirty taunts towards the red masked leader in battle, but where Mikey just blushed and looked uncomfortable, Donnie's jaws strung so tight they looked liable to pop off.

"Otherwise it'll be another worthless fight." he continued.

Crimes going down, kids the same age as his nephew going missing, and what was he doing? Out getting laid.

Raph flinched internally and let out a hard exhale. "Yeah, alright. Yer right."

Donnie blinked, clearly not having expected him to agree so easily. "Um... Okay. Well, onto a better subject..." He reached down into his belt and dug around for something, then held it up. "Sensei said you can finally have these back."

A wide grin split Raph's face in two, and he caught the keys to his shell cycle on the tips of his fingers when Donnie tossed them to him. They rattled beautifully in his palm like they were glad to see him. "Yer kiddin'!" He hadn't touched his cycle in months after getting his privileges to it revoked for some punishment or another.

Donnie cracked a smile that almost matched his own. "You can only use it when Mikey and I are in the Van, though. It's been sitting for a while, it'll need a few tune ups. I'm sure you'll get right on it."

Raph was already sidling towards the garage, nearly giddy at the thought of being in and under his baby, despite the dumb limitation. "Ya guessed right, Don. Gimme two hours, then we'll head out."

"Sounds like a plan."

Raphael drew his brother into a one armed hug before literally sprinting out the garage entrance to where his cycle was waiting patiently for him, minus the ugly padlocks that had chained it to the floor and the parking brake fixed to the front tire. He screeched to a stop, momentarily stunned all over again by the harshness.

"What the hell did I do again?" he muttered to himself, furrowing his brow before smoothing it and shrugging. He was always doing something, according to Splinter- it didn't really matter anyway. He had his shit back.

Smiling again, he twisted the kickstand down and eased the sleek machine down against his body, running gentle emerald fingers over the red, black and green finish for scratches or dents. It was cold, but it was easy to remember it hot, throbbing and thrumming with fire and speed between his legs.

He fucking _loved_ his cycle, probably only second to the way he loved his family. Nothing beat racing through the dark streets on it. His cycle was a category of freedom all its own, and he only now realized how much it took a chunk out of his soul to be without it for so long. He wanted to just jump on and tear out into the night, but Donnie was right. It wasn't ready, and the last thing he'd want to do was hurt his baby.

His skin was grey with dust when he pulled away from it, and when he fit the key in the ignition slot and turned it the engine roared to life with a choked, stuttered sound in the internal pipes like mechanical asthma.

"Ah hell no." Smirking, he rested the bike's weight on the stand and reached for his and Donnie's shared tool kit. Besides fighting, taking care of his bike was the only thing he was really good at.

Background noise and distractions faded away the instant he tightened the wrench around the first screw. The beast curled contently in the back of his mind, and everything- Splinter, Shredder, Leonardo- ceased to matter.

* * *

 

Inside the dojo, Hamato Splinter opened his eyes with a slow, tired sigh. His meditations were proving to be less and less effective in terms of searching for answers. On the contrary, he was finding himself with more questions and concerns than solutions.

None of his children had taken to the calming ( _supposedly_ ) practice with real enthusiasm. Michelangelo was too hyper and easily distracted, Donatello's mind was cluttered and worked a mile a minute, and Raphael...

Splinter pressed a hand to his thin chest in an attempt to stifle the dull twinge of pain he had become too used to when thinking about his second youngest-

 _NO,_ he snapped at himself, not second youngest. Oldest. Raphael was his oldest. He had been for years. But even now, after all this time, it was still hard to reconcile with the loss of his fourth child.

He had been the only one content to sit with his father and attempt to calm his mind, even as a young toddler. Splinter could see him clearly in his mind's eye, small and kind and eager, struggling to bend his tiny joints into the lotus or curled, drowsy, in his lap.

He had been so bright, perhaps not as abnormally advanced as Donatello, but honest and happy to please. So opposite Raphael, who thrived on stubborn disobedience and dishonestly.

Another stab of pain, directly behind his eye. Splinter raised a clawed finger and pressed it to his temple, rubbing. Giving that infernal motorbike back had at least temporarily calmed the chaotic energy inside his son. But with every passing day he could feel Raphael pulling further and further away from him.

He was going to lose another child.

Splinter unfolded his limbs, feeling them creak and shift and ache in ways they never had. He caught his reflection in the shining surface of the small obsidian altar in front of him. He looked old, haggard, and weak. His breath felt shallow in his chest, and there was a noticeable fuzzing around the edges of his vision.

He could not deceive himself. His time was coming to an end. Death did not scare him, but what his end would do to his sons- that terrified him indeed.

He knew that Raphael was resentful of him, and the love of his first child he could not rid himself of. Raphael was wild, unfocused. And in pain, but from what, he would tell no one. Splinter was at a loss. Donatello and Michelangelo would be devastated when he passed, and heavens help him, but he did not relish leaving them in the care of Raphael in his current state.

Especially with Shredder's new threat on the horizon. This new mutants very existence was a point of hurt for each of them, Splinter included. His origins were a mystery and he had shown no qualms about seriously injuring his sons.

Splinter seriously doubted Raphael's ability to handle the situation on his own. He could only pray to the gods that they could all, as a family, find a way to bring Raphael to peace before Splinter breathed his last, and that he would not die with two sons instead of three. __

* * *

 

"April, babe, yer phone is going nuts."

"I GOT IT CASEY DON'T PICK IT UP! I'm coming!"

By the time she raced into the living room from the shower, still dripping wet with a towel wrapped haphazardly around her chest and not really hiding anything, April had nearly killed herself tripping over one of Cody's toys and probably broken the hundred foot dash record. But she managed to pick up her phone on the fourth ring.

"Hello?" she gasped, blinking her left eye hard as soap oozed slowly into it.

" ** _*I-is this April O'Neil?*"_**

April frowned and tucked the phone into the cradle of her shoulder and neck. The voice on the other end wasn't familiar, or even really identifiable as human. It was warped and robotic, neither male not female.

_**"*I...I can't tell you my name. B-but... But I emailed you. About...your story.*"** _

April's eyes widened to the size of green dinner plates, and her lips formed a small o. "Oh! Um-" she glanced over her shoulder, then lowered her voice to a whisper. "You... You're the blocked address?"

**_"*Y-yes. Yeah. I wanted... I wanted to accept your offer. I'll give the interview.*"_ **

April clapped a hand over her mouth and bent at the waist to smother her excited scream. Her eyes squeezed tight, and she had to take a few calming breaths through her nose. THIS was what she had been waiting for, this golden opportunity. This would define her entire career.

"O-okay," she stammered, "okay. When?"

"* _ **Not now. Not over the phone. I'll meet you. But it has to be anonymous.*"**_

"Of course, of course." She scrambled on the coffee table for a pen and a scrap of paper. "Where?"

"* ** _Twelfth and Lyle, two hours from now. I'll give you what you want.*"_**

"Thank you. Thank you so much. I know how dangerous this must be for you."

"* _ **Just be there.*"**_

The call disconnected abruptly, leaving April shaking in its wake.

* * *

 

Exactly 120 minutes later, the redhead found herself alone under a sickly orange streetlight in the alley that connected Twelfth and Lyle in a seedy part of town, clutching her taser and pepper spray tightly through her purse.

"Hello?" she hissed, trying to keep her teeth from chattering. Belatedly, she realized she might have walked directly into a trap.

"O'Neil?"

She spun on the spot, grabbing for her taser. No sooner had her fingers pulled it from her bag than it was knocked out of her hands faster than she could see. She went to scream, already knowing it would do her no good, but the sound froze on her tongue when a young woman (a girl, really) stepped into the light and held up her hands.

"Who are you?" April gasped.

The girl, a thin, plain looking thing with mousy brown hair and haunted eyes, glared stonily back. "I called you."

April forced herself to relax and calm her racing pulse. "Do you have a name?"

"You can call me Jack. I'm not telling you my real name, or how old I am."

April nodded. That was fair. This was a special case. "Alright then, Jack." She unlocked her phone and activated the recording app. "For the record, you mind telling me why we're here?"

The young woman sucked in a deep breath and leveled a determined look at her. "I am volunteering a statement against my former employers the Foot Clan."

A small shiver rolled down April's spine, finally hearing the words for the first time.

"Are you aware that what you tell me will be published under an assumed name?"

"Yes."

April watched her for a minute, then turned off the recording. "Off the record." she said quietly. "Why? Why come forward now?"

Jack's teeth gleamed in the flickering light. "Because that bitch Karai killed my brother. He was the only person I cared about, and she sent him to his death. I won't follow her, or any of them."

"The Foot Clan has hurt me too," April whispered. "If you help me, we can stop them."

Jack raised her head and clenched her fists. "That's the plan, lady."

* * *

 

Karai cast a disdainful look at the low level soldier who's neck was trapped beneath her dainty feet. She watched his face slowly shift from red to light violet, then snorted and lifted her heel from his throat, kicking him away as he gasped for breath and crawled away from her.

She brushed strands of sweaty hair off her forehead and straightened her training shirt while the ring of soldiers around the small pseudo arena applauded her tenth win in an obligatory gesture- all except one.

A hole in the clapping drew her eyes to the edge of the ring, where Leonardo lounged, wrapped in exercise tape and without his weapons, watching her. He gave her a smile and waved when their eyes met. To her, the gesture was more insulting than if he'd flipped her off.

He'd been insufferably cocky the last few days, but in a passive and polite way that she couldn't complain about without sounding like a little girl. She pursed her lips and turned away from him pointedly, and the official called a short break.

"Leonardo?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Karai watched as a female soldier approached the mutant and dipped into a customary bow. Her eyes narrowed- the gesture looked too sensual. There was a curve in her back that wouldn't have occurred naturally, and her top was pulled down low to expose her generous cleavage.

When he tilted his head, she lifted her neck and smiled prettily at him, giving a toss of her shining copper waves. "You don't remember me, do you?"

Karai swallowed a growl. What an obviously contrived question.

"I think I do. Nyre, right?"

The girl, Nyre, gave a girlish giggle was made Karai's guts burn. "Yes! I was in advanced training with you."

"That's right. Obviously you graduated."

"A year ago." Nyre agreed. "I'm glad you recognized me. Not that there's any mistaking you. And I mean that in the best..." she looked down, then slowly up, taking in his height and musculature, "possible way."

"Do you."

Karai nearly swallowed her tongue. Leonardo's tone was flirty and low -he was actually _humoring_ that harlot.

"It's good to have you home, Leonardo." Nyre purred, not even bothering to hide her interest. "I think we should catch up."

"I think you're right."

Nyre laughed huskily. "My door is always open, Honoured Son." Her lips curled into a sultry smile and turned jauntily on her heel, followed by envious female eyes, and quite a few male ones as well.

Karai was so angry her bones were shaking in her skin. She tried to stop herself from turning and glaring at Leonardo, failed epically, and saw that he was smiling pleasantly into her face, as though he was unaware that she had heard everything.

She knew for a fact he wasn't.

* * *

 

_Four tiny hands gripped the edge of the stainless steel table- two pale, and two a verdant green- followed by two tiny heads and four big, bright eyes, dark in color but shining with excitement._

_"Do you see them?"_

_"Lower your voice!"_

_One small, white finger struggled to point across the room. "There, they're right there. See them?"_

_"Yeah!" Ensconced in a halo of fluorescent light sat a tray of steaming sticky buns, gleaming with glaze and studded with nuts._

_"We're going to get them."_

_"How? If they catch us-"_

_"They won't. Just do what I say. Pull the red switch when I drop the spoon."_

_"Alright."_

_The hands disappeared, and the kitchen went back to the general hustle and bustle until, five minutes later, a nondescript teaspoon fell to the floor with a faint clatter. Seconds after that, the fire alarm went off, triggered by seemingly nothing. None of the frantic chefs noticed the plate of sweets that vanished from the stove._

_Karai watched her little brother scarfing down sweet buns two at a time and crowed in triumph. "See? I told you!"_

_Leonardo grinned happily and pressed a sticky, frosting flavored kiss to her cheek. Karai wiped away the smudge, giggled, and stuck her finger in her mouth._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SakyCchan's amazing fanart: If or when she posts it elsewhere like DA, I'll update this link. Send her a PM and let her know how you liked it!
> 
> http://40.media.tumblr.com/5f0f7662f78011104e01d3378c2765b3/tumblr_nrjxp5nOwP1sbtq2co2_1280.png


	16. Ringmaster (PT 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mikey continues to shorten Raph's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short lead off into the next smut scene.

When Donatello poked his head around the garage door to pull him out of his trance, Raph wasn't even pissed. By the time he cleaned, oiled and stored his tools, he felt more centered than he had in weeks, excepting a few...distracting occasions.

They found themselves on the roof of a building overlooking the Business district, crowded around Donnie's makeshift police scanner slash bureau computer- that he'd apparently made last week.

"Shit, Don, is there anything ya can't conjure up?" Raph commented, gruffly impressed despite himself as multiple windows of confidential police data streamed over the screen.

"No," Donnie replied smugly. His fingers click clacked over the keys for a few more seconds, and then he nodded to himself. "Here it is," he said, turning it to face them. "There's been thirteen children kidnapped so far, four boys and nine girls all between the ages of seven and ten."

"No bodies yet?" Raph grunted. Donnie shook his head. "No," he said, but he didn't sound hopeful, and Raphael knew why. No body parts meant the kids were most likely still alive somewhere, but more girls than boys nabbed might point to a pedophile type deal. Simple death might be better, if that was the case.

"No ransom notes or phone calls, either," Mikey sighed. "They've literally got like, nothing on this."

"Hence why we're getting involved." Donnie added. Mikey cracked a grin. "Dude, that's such a weird word. 'Hence'. Like, who uses that in real life?"

"Lots of people," Donnie defended hotly, "and just because you have the vocabulary of a common goldfish-"

"Hence, my name is Donnie, hence I think I'm smarter than you, hence hence HENCE HENCE FENCE SENSE GENTS DENSE HENCE-"

"That's more words than I thought you knew Mikey, congratulations-"

"Shut it," Raph barked wearily. He got so tired of acting like a mother, but God help him he couldn't stand it when they started that little bickering. They fell quiet with a few last glares, and he rolled his eyes sky high. "If we're outta damn kindergarten, let's go look fer these kids."

Donnie packed up his scanner and stowed his duffel bag under the lip of the roof, Mikey mouthing 'hence' behind his back and crossing his eyes.

"Thought I said can it, Mike."

"I didn't say anything!" Mikey smiled and narrowed his eyes, wiggling his shoulders and shimmying. "Hey, maybe we'll see Raphie's boyfriend again tonight."

_"WHAT?!"_

Raph immediately choked on his spit and began to die, and Donnie's shout echoed loudly off the surrounding buildings.

"W-what the f-f-fuck-"

"-are you talking about, you simple trog?!" Donnie finished.

Mikey cackled like Glinda's rejected understudy. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, dude. _Leonaaaardo_ ," he crooned, switching from a shimmy to a suggestive bump and grind.

Raph's shock morphed into cold, sweaty panic faster than a power ranger droid. Mikey KNEW.

_Ohgodohgodshitshitshit he saw, he had to have seen us, oh fuck my life is over, fucking over-_

"Mike- I swear, it ain't-"

"Oh come on man," Mikey scoffed. "I know you noticed it. Every time we fight he's FLIRTING with you. He's almost throwing panties, dude."

It took a minute for his words to register in Raph's brain and initiate reverse reactor meltdown mode.

"Flirting," he echoed dumbly. It was WAY past flirting, but Mikey-

Didn't know that. _He didn't know._ He was just being a little asshole.

_Thank you God._

"I should sock ya fer sayin' that," Raph snarled, shaking with relief on the inside.

Mikey shrugged, still smiling. "Nobody would mind if you were looking. He's kind of hot. Just, you know, sort of evil."

" _Sort of_ evil?" Donnie yelped. "Are you kidding me? That's like saying Karai is _sort of_ psychotic."

"I'm not saying you're gonna marry him dude, chill out." Mikey snorted. "But you're seriously telling me that if he wasn't evil you wouldn't give that a shot?"

"Do you even hear yourself?!"

"QUIT IT!" Raph hollered, shutting them up once more. "I don't wanna hear no more about this and I swear ta good god the next one that says anymore about Leonardo is gettin' tossed off this roof!"

He must have sounded desperately pissed enough that they believed him, because silence fell like an anvil. He thought he heard Mikey whisper something about 'Raphie does protest', but he would have done anything to get off of the Leonardo subject, including letting that one slide. Mikey was way too close to home and getting closer with every word.

...and now he had to struggle not to get hard with the image of Leonardo in panties in his head.

_Fuck you, Mikey._

* * *

 

They really, really tried. There just wasn't anything to find. They tracked leads from the shadows, "talked" to a few Dragons and assorted low lifes (non violently, much to Raphael's displeasure) and even scoped out the kid's houses- zilch. All they found was a bunch of police tape and sobbing parents.

"Correct me if I'm wrong dudes," Mikey sighed, plopping down on a random ledge. "But I think we're still firmly lodged in square numero uno."

"The humans don't have anything to go on," Donatello lamented, frustrated. "So neither do we."

Raph ran a rough hand over his beak. "There's gotta be somethin' we missed. It ain't the Dragons- anybody scared enough ta shit himself is scared enough ta tell tha truth."

"Maybe he just didn't know."

"Or maybe the Foot are involved?" Mikey tossed out.

"There's no way of finding out without asking them and there's no chance they'll be truthful. We can't do anything without clues or evidence. We're stuck."

"Perfect." Raph growled. An entire night wasted with nothing to show for it. They sat there and glared down are the street for a few minutes, and then Raph let out a growling sigh. "Let's head home."

"Fine."

"Yeah," Mikey huffed, shaking his head. "Man, Raph didn't even get flirted with today. What a shame."

Raph felt a vein pulse in his neck. "Mikey-"

"Just a joke dude, just a joke!"

"Raph," Donnie pointed out, grabbing his arm to stop him from leaping down their brother's throat. "You're missing a Sai."

Raph blinked hard and glanced down, immediately forgetting about Mikey's impending death. Donnie was right. The loop on his belt that usually held his left Sai was empty. He hadn't heard it fall or drop out.

"Shit," he mumbled, turning in a circle to see if it was in the general area. Nada.

"Shit," he repeated. He rubbed the back of his head with his knuckles. _Could this night **get** any better?_

"Imma go look for it. You two keep on home."

"You sure you don't want us to come with you?" Donnie asked. "Three sets of eyes are better than one."

"Nah, go on. I know ya got that chromosome thing yer workin' on."

Donnie looked shocked. "Wow. I'm... surprised you remembered that. It's not like you'd care."

"I'm not dumb, Donnie, I hear ya complaining about it. And just cause I don't do that stuff myself don't mean I don't care." Raph countered. "It's something you like. Whatever." He shrugged. "Point is, I'm fine by myself."

"And what if you don't find it." Donnie deadpanned. "We must have covered at least a hundred blocks tonight."

"Then I'll bunk at Casey's. You can tell Splinter, or I'll call him, either way."

Donnie rolled his eyes, realizing that he wasn't going to win. "Alright, alright. But make SURE you call."

"Yes, mama." Raph snorted. "Damn, I thought I was tha leader in this operation."

"Brains versus brawn," Donatello retorted. "Don't get lost and try not to come home with more bruises than skin tonight." Raph gave him a sarcastic salute. He shouldered his bag and gestured to Mikey, who turned, but not before making a kissy face at the red masked turtle.

"Say hi to Leonardo for us, dude."

Raph lunged at him and he tumbled over the roof, giggling madly.

Raphael steamed for a second, but when he reached down to grab his sai and his fingers found the vacant loop, he shook himself and took off in the opposite direction.

Ten minutes, twenty minutes, thirty minutes later; exertion sweat was making his emerald skin itch, his lungs were fighting his ribs for expanding space, Raphael was thoroughly pissed and that loop was still vacant. He'd retraced their fruitless rout three times and hadn't found shit.

He dug the heels of his palms and let out a hard exhale. Some ninja fanboy had probably swooped it up hours ago. He hadn't lost a weapon in years. It would take forever to forge a new one, never mind the trip out to the country to use the forge and the tounge lashing he'd get from Splinter about being irresponsible. Ordering a new one online would be easier, but there was no guarantee it wouldn't be a piece of plastic and aluminum crap, and he'd have to file it down and adjust the grips the way he liked and breaking it in would fuck up his whole fighting balance-

"You look like you're thinking deeply. How often does that happen, usually?"

No blades accompanied the voice this time, but the pressure behind Raph's lids spiked almost immediately.

"What tha fuck do you want?" he snapped, opening his eyes to see Leonardo standing against the roof overhang like he'd been there the whole time. His soundless appearance sent a shiver rolling down his spine. That wasn't good. He should have heard him.

The lighter turtle gave him a pleasant smile. "I really thought we were past the 'dumb questions' stage. I got the impression that the little one was the airhead of the group, but you have your moments. At least he's cute- you can't exactly say the same."

"You don't get ta talk about Mikey!" Raph snarled loudly. "You an yer psycho cow sister stay away from him or I swear-"

Leonardo didn't even jump. "You're so easy to anger." he laughed. "Relax. If I'd wanted him, I'd have him. I thought I made it clear that I'm here for you."

"I ain't got time ta be fucking with you." Raph snorted. "I'm busy."

"Looking for your lost sai, maybe?"

Raph narrowed his eyes. How the hell could he have known that? "Why?"

Leonardo gave him a 'really?' look. "Well for one I'm not blind, I can see the empty loop in your belt. And two, I have it." Raph's jaw hit the roof when he raised his hand from where it had been behind his shell and started to spin his missing sai deftly between his three digits, the lights flashing silver off his skin.

"How did ya-" he stopped and shook his head. "Ya know what, fuck it. I don't even wanna...give it back."

Instead of placing the weapon into his open palm, Leonardo continued to spin it, tossing it from one hand to the other. He twirled it down and dragged the blunt edge slowly across his thigh, then flicked it back up and tucked the sai back into his obi. "You'll get it back after I'm through with your tonight. I'm assuming you gave your family some story so you could stay out later, so timing shouldn't be an issue."

Raph glared at him sideways, debating whether or not to just attack him and try to take it by force. He thought better of it once he saw that Leonardo was once again armed. The fight didn't scare him, but there would be no hiding those wounds, not all of them. And with Mikey's teasing still fresh in his mind he really didn't want to come home obviously having run into Leonardo again.

"Fine." he grunted sourly.

"After you then," Leonardo grinned, stepping aside to let Raph jump off first.


	17. Ringmaster (PT 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph learns the literal meaning of the phrase "Up Yours".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rimming, fingering.

They took a different path, most likely to avoid being followed, but they still ended up at the dock warehouse from the last time.

There was a new addition to the sparse room, a mattress that looked much too clean to have been there previously. Just the sight of it made Raphael's guts lurch and his throat go dry with want.

Once they had both removed their weapons and Leonardo had taken off his few pieces of armour, the slimmer male dropped down into the mattress, widened his knees and cocked his head in a clear invitation, wide brown eyes low and dark.

 _Mikey was right. He's fucking gorgeous._ And he hated him for it.

Raph followed him down, shoving hard against his plastron. Leonardo allowed himself to be pushed onto his shell with an amused chuckle.

Raph manhandled him onto his side and tore his shoulder pad away with his nails to bite down on the flesh underneath, nearly piercing the skin with his canines while his lips sucked up a tender, purple bruise, iron swimming tantalizingly beneath the surface.

Leonardo groaned, and Raphael felt his legs come up to wrap around his waist, bringing the bulges in their abdomens into contact. Leonardo grappled for the knot in his mask, missed, and ended up digging his fingers into the back of his neck. Raph's joints locked as every vertebra in his spine and each scute in his carapace echoed with a ringing shudder while arcs of nervous electricity tingled down his arms. "A-aah-"

"Somebody's got a sweet spot." Leonardo mumbled, pressing down hard into the erotic zone Raph hadn't even known he had. It triggered something in him, hungry and desperate. He bore down on Leonardo with his whole weight, switching to maul his other shoulder while he tried to seperate his thighs with his knees.

"No more games," he growled. "Want you now." He knew what Leonardo was now- a fucking tease, getting him riled up and then playing him for a sucker.

"C'mon, lemme get it, lemme fuck ya..."

Leonardo didn't tense up or protest, and he took that as a green light. His chest swelled to near pain and hot knives of excitement twisted his stomach into a ball.

He was actually going to let him do it. He would finally know what really fucking somebody was like. He couldn't even believe it.

Leonardo let out a pretty moan and reached around to stroke his shoulder-

...and Raphael found that he couldn't move once again.

"FUCK!" he snarled, unable to stop himself from fighting the paralysis, even though he knew it wouldn't do any good.

He could only glare angrily as Leonardo chuckled and squirmed out from underneath him, arching and twisting way more than was fucking necessary and brushing up against every spot that was guaranteed to start his motor on the way out.

"Only when I say so." he grinned, dropping a mocking kiss on Raphael's beak and smiling at the hate filled growl he received. Raph was left locked in a hovering position, face down with his weight resting on his arms. He grit his teeth as his (sort of) lover rapped a beat on his shell.

"Yer an asshole." he growled flatly, glaring resolutely at the wall.

"And yet you keep coming back." Leonardo countered swiftly.

Fuck. He was right. Damn him.

Leonardo's fingers reached up to fiddle with the knot securing Raph's mask to his face, undoing it swiftly and yanking it away.

"Ya just wait till this shit wears off," Raph threatened. "Imma ruin you."

"You really think I'm going to let that happen?" Leonardo laughed. Raph felt his weight against his back as he leaned forward and kissed him again, slow and open mouthed. His warm tongue dipped wetly into the sensitive hollow between the back of Raph's head and his neck and slid around to the curve of his cheek, sucking lightly along his jawbone.

Raph groaned aloud, his breath catching in his throat. He knew he was giving Leonardo what he wanted, but he couldn't help the pleasured noise when he fucked with his newly discovered sweet spot.

_I wish he'd never found that out..._

"High strung tonight, hm?" Leonardo breathed into his moist skin. "You were so aggressive earlier. I won't lie- it excited me."

Raph worked his throat when his hands moved slowly down his sides. "Then let me outta this an' I'll excite ya some more." He wasn't sure just what Leonardo meant.

"You didn't let me finish." His voice was suddenly cool. Leo patted his thighs and parted them, the pressure point paralysis ensuring that he met little resistance. "I've been under the impression for a while that you're in desperate need of a lesson in patience."

"Get the fuck outta here," Raphael snorted, rolling his eyes. "Ya ain't gonna teach me shit."

"Oh no?"

Raph bit off his reply as Leonardo's hands delved boldly between his legs, pressing maddeningly at the area beneath the front of his plastron. His slit started widening under the gentle massage, and soon hot fingers were playing along the side of his cock, pulsing hard against his shell.

"Let's make a bet then. If you can handle it, of course. I wouldn't want to overwhelm you." There was more than a little bit of mocking tone to Leonardo's voice, and even though Raph couldn't see him he knew he was smiling. He bristled at the challenge, and he was accepting without hesitation.

"Bring it on, Foot Brat." he sneered. Behind him, Leonardo grinned widely, and the sound of a steel trap snapping closed was damnear audible in the air. He'd known that Raphael's competitive nature would lead him to do exactly what he wanted.

"Alright. If, at the end of an hour, you can restrain from begging me to let you come-"

"A HOUR?!" Raph yelped. He bit his lip hard as Leonardo's fingertips stroked his moistening, purpling head, drawing his length out even more.

"One hour," Leonardo repeated, spreading a dollop of precome out slowly with his thumb. "Sixty minutes. That's how long this paralysis will last, give or take, given I don't remove it. If you can hold out until then, I'll let you fuck me."

The words sent a harsh jolt through Raph's system. He swallowed, trying to focus past the teasing on his dick. "B-bullshit."

"I swear," Leonardo replied, curling his fingers one by one into a loose fist and pulling it slowly up and down, back and forth over his stiffness. "Right here, on this bed. You can flip me over and spread me wide and fuck me to your heart's content, and I won't object, or fight."

Raph groaned heavily at the image, and his cock dropped down fully into the chilly air to be caught by an expert hand.

"But only if you last," Leonardo added in a hiss, giving his cock a hard squeeze that did nothing to pause Raph's arousal- in fact it increased it. The slight pain iced it's way up and through him, adding a delicious double edge to the pleasure.

Raph sucked in a harsh breath and narrowed his eyes. It was just a stupid little challenge. He could do this with his eyes shut. It was like the stamina training at home, holding a pushup position for an extended period of time. This was nothing.

And the end reward would be DELICIOUS. Oruku Leonardo would be all his... No smooth talk, no weaseling out of it. He'd finally make him howl his name, over and over until the memory of his cock was buried so deep in his mind he couldn't move for days without feeling it.

"What do you say?" Leonardo prompted innocently, nuzzling his shoulder.

Raph sucked his teeth. "One hour? That ain't shit. Do yer worst. Ya might wanna prep yerself fer later, though. I don't wanna hurt ya." he leered, the very tone of his voice evidence to the contrary. He'd do WAY more than hurt him.

"Excellent advice," Leonardo snarked softly. If Raph was smarter, he would have been worried.

His grip eased slightly on Raph's cock, but his movements increased in pace and tempo to make up for the lack of pressure, jacking him quickly and efficiently. It was soft and maddening, but not nearly enough to make him beg.

"T-that tha best y-ya can do?" Raph laughed.

"I was trying to make this easier for you," Leonardo replied, pausing in his motions. "But that's fine."

The second after the words left his mouth, his fist tightened again and his pulls increased in tempo and speed. His other hand started raining feather light touches down on him, in random places, never the same area twice- the inside of his elbow, his bottom lip, his ass. Raph's body strained, trying to anticipate the next caress.

He forced himself to glare at the wall and the crack in the paint, trying to focus on anything other than the fingers teasing him to completion-

And Leonardo pulled away once more.

Before Raph could even form the pissed question darkness descended over his vision. He hissed when the knot to the mask he had forgotten about was tightened, jerking him swiftly into darkness.

Oh. Shit.

Leonardo spared no time to let him adjust to the sensory deprivation and started in with the touches again. Raph swallowed. In the dark, everything was amplified. It was like turning up the volume on a stereo and every soundwave hit him harder.

"Nnngn..."

"What was that?"

It made it painfully clear that he was helpless and not in control, unable to see or direct what was happening to him, forced to take it all. It was awful and embarrassingly hot, and he hated himself for liking it, hated the way his cock stiffened in response.

Raph jerked (or tried to) when soft fingerpads morphed into blunt nails scritching over his skin, tracing every tiny scale.

Touch deprived as he was (and Leonardo knew that, smug bastard) it felt like shockwaves, tingling long after they actually passed. He kept stroking him, too fast to be gentle, but not rough enough to hurt. Not what he wanted.

"A-haaah...s-ssh-h-mmn..." he chattered, blinking against the fabric of his mask.

"So close, already." Leo mumbled, dragging his nails down Raph's throbbing member (finally, finally) and wrapping a hand around his clenching thigh. "I can feel it building in you. You never should have agreed to this."

Shit, shit. He was right, he was too close. Nasty thoughts... No, not nasty. Ugly thoughts. Casey naked. Splinter fucking a block of cheese. Shredder and Bishop doing sixty nine... It was difficult, but he breathed a sigh of relief as his arousal began to fade.

Leonardo was having none of it.

"I hope your don't think you're getting out of this that easily." he mused, nipping at the dark green shoulder in his line of sight.

There was a wet squelch as Leonardo spat obscenely into his palm, then resumed stroking. He leaned up and tongued the back of Raph's neck once more, timing the passes of his licks and lavings with the motions of his hand.

The wet, slippery, matching sensations on his hot member and sweet spot brought growls rumbling out of Raphael's chest and effectively chased away the distracting images he was trying to focus on.

"F-fuck," Raph gasped, trying and failing to stave off the pressure building in his gut. "I'm g-gonna... I'm here, I-"

"Oh, I know," Leonardo smiled. Right when he was about to tumble over the knife edge, there was a loud snap, and a hard, HARD pressure at the base of his dick made him screech and forced his orgasm into submission so quickly he saw stars. Raph bucked against the paralysis, eyes watery from the pain. "What the HELL?!"

He heard Leonardo sigh in pleasure behind him, and suddenly they were face to face, staring up at him with those devious milk chocolate brown eyes that no doubt were crafted by Satan. "Isn't it obvious?" he asked, with that same little cherubic grin.

Anger momentarily cut through Raph's discomfort and confusion, and he snarled. "I swear if ya don't talk sense I'm gonna rip yer FUCKIN' THROAT OUT-"

Leonardo gripped Raph's jaw and forced his chin down, giving him a view of himself. His threat stuttered and died in his mouth when he saw something that looked like an image straight out of one of the freakier magazines Casey let him borrow.

Made out of clear blue glass, the harmless looking ring circled the base of his pulsing hardness. It squeezed the thick veins, clamping down on him. His cock glared at him accusingly, trembling with unspent aftershocks.

His mouth went dry, and dread settled in his stomach along with his stiffled orgasm. "Is that-"

"Mm. It is." Leonardo stretched out beneath him. His smile was flirty, but his eyes were cold. "You don't come until I say so. I told you I'd have you begging, but I knew you wouldn't have the control to hold out. Luckily, this," he reached down and flicked the ring, causing Raph's dick to sway and making the darker turtle flinch. "will do it for you. I could have done it manually, but," he shrugged, "this was easier."

Regret swiftly smacked Raph upside the head, but his pride refused to let him back out, despite the fact that he now knew he was utterly fucked.

"I still ain't beggin' ya fer shit." he spat. The expression he received was equal parts thrilling and frightening.

"I love it when you're difficult. It makes everything that much more fun." He rubbed his knee over Raph's straining erection, watching it jump and twitch to try to follow the sensation.

"I wonder how long it'll take for you to swallow your pride." Leonardo continued, shifting so that the head of Raphael's cock fell between his open legs and onto his thigh, rocking slowly so that it coated his skin in a shiny layer of precome. His own slit was beginning to open to let his hardness peek out, and the heat radiating from it felt like furnace waves. "Something tells me we'll be here a while."

With Raph watching dumbfoundedly, Leonardo grasped his own hardness and pulled it out into the open, crooning as he began to stroke himself teasingly, never ceasing his slow undulating. "Aah... I've g-gotten used to y-you doing this..."

"C-can't do that," Raph rasped, struggling to close his eyes to the sight. "Not fair..."

They both whimpered aloud when Leonardo opened his hand and gripped the both of them, jerking them together. It felt like a shock from a live power line when their hot cocks touched. He pushed up with his hips for every downstroke of his hand, and soon they were both writhing and drenched.

"This is m-my game," Leonardo hissed, working his bottom lip with his teeth as furiously as he worked them until it reddened and puffed up. "I s-say what's fair and... what's... N-not..."

Two hard pulls, and he was throwing his head back and crying out as he came. Raph felt another climax rip through him only to be stopped and turned back by the ring, and it HURT.

"That's two," Leonardo smirked, running his sticky thumb over Raph's cheek.

* * *

 

Forty minutes later, and Raph would have taken a first class flight to hell to get out of his situation.

He was still locked in his previous position, and his muscles were screaming. Apparently being frozen didn't stop the pain of his failing stamina from reaching through loud and clear to his brain. But his arms and legs were the least of his problems.

He'd lost track of how many times Leonardo had coaxed a false climax out of him, only to leave him high and dry. Literally.

He thought it might have been somewhere up in the late teens.

His poor cock was unbelievably swollen, packed tight with load after load after load of trapped cum and turning colors he'd never seen anywhere on his own body. It was straining so hard he was positive it would rip a seam and burst, but that goddamned ring still held firm.

He was so over sensitized he felt like his nerves had been cut out and re-glued back on the outside. His entire lower body was raw and wrecked. He was drenched in sweat, nauseous, and tingling with pain all over, with a headache like he'd been smashed in the head with a tire iron.

And Leonardo couldn't be fucking happier. He was ringing orgasms out of Raphael like he was a dishrag, using every nasty trick to get him off hard and fast, making him watch while HE came freely over and over.

He was sucking on him now with that wicked mouth, just the way Raph liked it, with the head trapped hard between his teeth and the back of his hot throat working to suck him down deeper and deeper. His other hand was playing with the wet, sensitive gland underneath his exposed tail, curling and tugging on it.

It didn't take long.

"SHIT! SHITSHITSHI-AH, FUC-"

His insides lurched, boiled, tried to spill over- and were denied. The intense pleasure galloping through him quickly morphed into pain the second it reached the ring.

Leonardo hummed thoughtfully, drawing a choked sound out of his victim. He glanced up with those pretty brown eyes (Satan's eyes, definitely Satan's eyes) and pulled off with a wet pop.

"That's funny, I almost forgot," he smiled. "And here I was, ready to swallow."

"H-hate y-you," Raph gasped, "Fuckin' hate you, d'monic son of a-"

"You could end this at any time." Leonardo offered innocently.

"G-gettin' nervous?" Raph spat.

"Not at all. There's twenty whole minutes left. Really, though, I'm impressed. You lasted a lot longer than I thought you would."

Raph let out a hard breath, giving himself a mental shake. "Yeah, w-well I'm f-full of surprises."

Twenty. Twenty minutes, and he would win. Ten minutes times two. He could hold it for twenty. If he would just shut up, let him focus-

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Leonardo whispered. He reached down to toy with the ring, twisting it around and around but never moving it an inch forward or off. It was all Raph could do to swallow his sob. "I've seen this done to other people, but never on myself. I heard the orgasms at the end are supposed to be amazing, if you can get past the initial pain."

Leonardo wiggled a finger against the ring until it fit pushed inside, making the damn thing, if possible, even tighter. "But that's not a problem for us, is it?" he continued. "Because you like this."

Raph was gasping by this point, half of him wanting SO BADLY to pull away and. But the other half...

"You wanna know how I know?" Leonardo asked. His voice was tightened and roughened by the arousal spilling off him in waves, and his pupils were almost completely blown out with lust. "You're hard as diamond and I know you're in agony, but you haven't given yourself the out yet."

His cock was doing something weird, going numb and being oversensitive at the same time.

"Fifteen minutes, but we're not done yet."

He moved again, to the back, and Raph felt him toying harshly with his tail, downright abusing the throbbing gland underneath. A gust of cold air made him whine when the squat appendage was forcibly lifted, and he was suddenly hyper aware of what was beneath.

Before he could work his throat to say anything, least of all stop, he felt something new thought he'd never feel- a slick, firm slide of something warm and wet around the outer edge of his untouched hole.

"FUCK!" he shouted, shaking in everything but body as Leonardo started to tongue him. He wasn't teasing anymore, that was clear. The pink muscle probed and prodded ruthlessly at his spastically clenching flesh, licking paths up and around his heavy tail then back down. Saliva, gland moisture and precome were pooling around his knees, deep enough to swim in. Words fell out of his mouth, unintelligible and garbled through Brooklyn accent and pleasure.

He felt Leonardo turn a slow circle around his hole and push inside, battling the tight ring and licking into him, opening him up. Somewhere in the back of his mind he realized he was moaning like a bitch, but it felt SO FUCKING GOOD, enough to distract from the pain in his groin. His tail was arched so high up it looked like it was trying to do a backflip, and he let out a choked gurgle when that tongue stiffened and poked inside again, deeper than before.

"Uuuuuh-H-UH! Aaah, aaaha! Ah-nnnnngg!"

Green fingers appeared in his field of rapidly fuzzying vision. He could smell himself, thick and musky, rife with salt and pheromones.

"Suck." Leonardo hissed. He stuck his fingers into Raph's panting mouth, swirling them against his tongue until they were soaked and slimy. He didn't stop when Raph tightened his jaw and sank his teeth in, and when he pulled them out, there was a red tinge to the moisture.

Then the tongue was back, but only for a quick swipe. "Mutha-fuck-fuck-nuugh!" His eyes went cross when he felt sharp points of teeth on the back of his thighs, scraping and biting.

"Ten minutes."

The words started to register, and then they didn't. With the next pass of his tongue, Leonardo suddenly joined it with a single finger. He didn't stop, scissoring Raph with both his tongue and his digit until he was sunken in down to the knuckle.

"SHI-"

The sting of the double intrusion and his possibly torn skin was lost in the tidal wave of completely new sensations- being filled that way, a firm thick object curling and fucking into him, the pulsing stretch of his loosened muscle. Leonardo gave him no time to adjust, hard and fast, and for some crazy reason that was fine. The friction was mind blowing, tripled when another finger forced itself in and sent burning lashes up and down his brainstem. He flexed his wrist, and Raphael's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"Fuck," he whimpered, "fuck fuck fuck-" He had no idea how they'd gotten here, but if it stopped-

And then he hit SOMETHING inside so hard, so right and Raph was literally howling, helplessly frozen, unable to rock back and fuck himself on those fingers like his body was screaming to do. Leonardo jabbed that spot relentlessly, leaning heavily on his back to spread him open even more and attack it with hard thrusts, and all of Raphael's air was gone, vanished, he couldn't even yell, and he was going to cum, he had to cum or he was going to die right then and there-

But the ring-

"Five...minutes."

Oh god, oh god that fucking spot... Every time he hit it it felt like he was being fucked for real. Leonardo pressed down and rubbed it, scraping it with his nails and making it swell. What's worse, tingles of sensation started to roll down his spine, bringing with it the tremors he so desperately wanted to complete physically. The paralysis was ending, but SLOWLY. His arms and legs were still frozen. Despite not letting him move, the return of his movements somehow INCREASED the feelings from what Leonardo was doing.

There was that tongue again, and more nails on the head of his cock-

"PLEASE!"

The last thing he remembered was the tight pressure finally FINALLY releasing his cock, and one single sharp thrust of Leonardo's fingers on that spot and his nails scratching inside, and the feeling like a nuclear bomb had gone off in his groin, leaving his brain Hiro Shima. All the blood congealed in his limbs suddenly rushed to his head, and fuzzy darkness spiderwebbed over his vision.


	18. Fan art: SakyCchan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a fan art made for chapter fourteen, but me being dumb, I only uploaded it to my fan fiction account. So, to celebrate it being the first of its kind, I gave it its own chapter.  
> (Also because I don't know how to do gifs in end notes and I wanted more people to see it in all its glory XD)
> 
> So here you are! Just a cursory warning, it's very explicit. Click away if you can't handle it. And for any other artists out there who want to contribute, PLEASE FEEL FREE! Just pm first! ^^-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI, but even though this art is in 2012 style, the story is written in 2007 style, meaning when I write it, I see and hear the turtles from the 2007 TMNT movie. I'm only saying that for reference, in case anyone was curious. They're older and more emotionally deep, in my opinion.
> 
> Link to the original Tumblr post:  
> [Original Art by Saky](http://sakycchan.tumblr.com/post/124192272460/foot-leo-x-raph-from-this-lovely-fanfiction-right)

 


	19. Lapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Casey vents, Raph laments, and no one escapes unscathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for homophobic language, sentiments and attempted non-con. None of the anti-gay feelings are my own- I have several gay friends that I love dearly, I did the Day Of Silence at my school, and I fully support Equal Rights and Gay Marriage. I plan on participating in a LGBT march, just as soon as I turn eighteen and can afford a plane ticket to the closest one LOLZ)

Consciousness broke upon Raphael much more slowly than its counterpart did. The ceiling swam back into focus above him before he even realized his eyes were open. He was on his shell, stomach up like a dead bug, body splayed carelessly where he'd fallen. The material beneath him was soft and damp.

He felt like he'd been tagged with a moose tranquilizer. His muscles and nerves were a mess of disconnected wires, like the inside of a smashed tv. His legs were still twitching weakly, but his arms were dead weight and his head felt boneless, heavy on his neck. His eyes were hot and dry in their sockets. There were slow vibrations going down his center, but he couldn't focus enough to determine what the hell it was. At that point, all his brain could handle was the basic functions- breathing, blinking, and swallowing.

He was TOO relaxed, and his system wanted to rebel at it. Nothing had ever made him feel like this- drinking, cumming, meds, or even a combination of the three. It would have been scary, if he had the energy or will to be fucking scared. He was floating, loose and he didn't want to be.

"I guess the stories were true, huh?"

_Voice. Talking. Leonardo._

Right around the time Raphael forced his soupy mind to recognize what those soothing touches were (fingers, stroking down the middle line of his plastron), he associated a name to the low noise that suddenly echoed in his ear slits and would have made him jump if he had the energy to jump.

Leonardo sat next to him on the now cum soaked mattress, dragging his nails gently over his scutes. He looked damnear immaculate- armour replaced, swords strapped to his back, face and skin clean. "You almost made it." he sighed. "You didn't, but you almost did. I wish you could have seen yourself. But you had to have known you'd lose. I'm not letting you take advantage of me, not this early. I have to keep you coming back, don't I?"

He shook his head and smiled. "You're even more impressive than I thought you'd be. I'm so glad I picked you. I haven't had a toy this fun in years."

He stood up silently, with a graceful unfolding of forest green limbs. "You should probably head home, or wherever you go. I'll see you in a few days, Raphael."

He turned and launched himself out of the window like a ghost, just as Raphael was struggling to his feet. He went to tuck his knees in and hissed out a pained groan. There was a dull, sore ache throbbing both between his legs and in his backside, particularly sharper there as a testament to the abuse the area had suffered. He reached back and tenderly felt for damage, wincing when he discovered that his gland was still slightly puffy and agitated. The damn thing was getting more use in the last few weeks than it had in almost eighteen years.

The skin around his hole burned mutely when he touched it. Tiny hairline cracks caught under his nails, irritating and itchy but most likely taken care of by the morning with mutant healing. Besides that his tail was limp, barely trying to cover everything like it had lost every single ounce of give-a-damn'.

If he hadn't gone through what had happened, he wouldn't have believed it. But the evidence was going crusty on his chest and his elbows and knees creaked at the joints.

Frozen, tormented and used like some kind of twisted doll. He wanted to feel violated, he really did. But the horrible truth was that he had enjoyed it, every damn minute of it. Leonardo had taken his control away and bent him near to breaking, ripping the strongest climax he'd had to date out of him in the process. And he hadn't once thought about saying stop.

If he was being totally honest, it was getting craveable. Not having to worry about taking care of someone else for a few minutes, or thinking about being in command of anything, even himself. Just lay down, stop thinking, follow a few simple orders, and get the reward of having his brains blown out afterward.

Being dominated wasn't something he'd ever thought he'd like, but with Leonardo it was a game, a challenge, not a command. One that, considering the result, he didn't mind losing all too much.

With effort, he crossed his legs and reached for his discarded phone, face down near the corner of the mattress. He was expecting the worst, but to his amazement there was only two new text messages blinking on the screen.

Raph scrunched his face up against the suddenly blinding LED and tapped the icon with his thumb. The first one was from Donnie.

**«You don't have to call Sensei, we called Casey and he told us you were staying over. See you in the AM.»**

He jerked his chin out and frowned, furrowing his eye ridges. He might have been a little out of it and yeah, maybe the time between cumming his guts out and waking up again were a little hazy, but he didn't remember making any plans with Casey.

He remembered telling DONNIE about MAYBE making plans with Casey, but not informing his friend about it.

The second was actually from Casey, and it did everything to explain away the confused expression on his face after reading the first.

**«Yo, Don hit me up n said u said u were comin dwn, but u ain't showd. I covered 4 u but Code wuz redin over my shoulder so u really might wanna cum.»**

Groaning at the (not funny) spelling of the last word, Raph pulled himself to his feet and waited for his knees to stop wobbling before scrounging around for his weapons, retying his mask to his face, and making his way to the window.

It had started to rain, which was both good and suckish. Good because the lukewarm droplets washed the last little bit of dried semen off his body; suckish because he had nearly no tolerance for being cold, and soon he was shivering like an epileptic by the time he reached April's, even in the warm June night air.

He didn't have to break in the window. It was already cracked and waiting for him when he hit the fire escape. "Hey," Raph called, wincing as he heard and felt how rough his voice was.

Casey was on the couch when he walked into the living room, sipping on a beer and flipping through channels. "Hey," he grunted. "Ya sick or somethin'?"

Raph coughed and swallowed, cursing Leonardo and trying to make it sound like he HADN'T been yelling himself hoarse not thirty minutes ago. "Uhm, n-naw. 'S rainin." He sucked in a deep breath. He felt unsettled, dazed and vulnerable. The stony shields he usually had up were flunking him, and he felt more open than usual.

"Hey, uh. Thanks fer coverin' with Donnie for me. I was gunna call but some ah, stuff happened."

_Don't blush. Don't blush._

Casey waved a hand. "No problem. Cody already went to bed, but he wanted me ta tell ya hi. Ya gonna stay here fer tha night?"

"Yeah. If it's cool."

"You know it is. Want me ta set up that air mattress thing?"

Raph scoffed and gave his amber eyes a roll. "I ain't twelve, Case. Couch's fine."

"Kay. Ya want a brew?"

" _Fuck_ yes," Raph breathed. Casey watched him as he went to the fridge and yanked it open to grab a bottle. Feeling eyes on him, Raph tensed, but he relaxed when Casey, true to form, didn't dig or ask any questions.

Mostly.

"Ya look like ya been through hell, man." Casey blurted when Raph dropped down gingerly onto the couch, flinching when another stab of soreness in his ass made his tail recoil and flex at the same time. "What's her name?" he smirked, nudging Raph on the shoulder.

Raphael snorted and shoved him back, harder. "Yeah. Right." If only he freaking knew.

He paused- maybe he should tell Casey. The guy was his best friend after all, but he had the advantage of not being family. Maybe he'd understand and could help him figure out his twisted ass emotions. He'd done it before, why would this be any different?

"Hey, uh, Case-"

Casey's phone started to ring right at that moment, vibrating the entire coffee table. "Hold that thought," Casey muttered, snatching it up and holding it to his ear. "Ya got Jones. ...Well what, Acker? It better not be more about that Santiago shit- no, man, no. I already-...no I ain't talkin ta Tom! Tony caught him red handed, that's his fault! He's staying canned and he ain't gettin' his last check, either. Yeah, yeah, tell him cry me a river. Yeah. Good damn night to you too."

He hung up with a growl and threw the phone back onto the table hard enough to rattle his beer, face full of storm clouds.

"What tha hell was that?" Raph snickered.

Casey let out a hard sigh and crossed his arms. "Work drama. This new dude Santiago did a drop off near WestBrook and comes in all tired, so he clocked out and went to the back. But then he's twenty minutes late gettin' back to his truck, so I send my man Tony to get him. We're thinkin he fell asleep, right?" He shook his head. "Fuckin' Tony walks in on Santiago givin' this guy a goddamn suck job, right in the middle of the goddamn break room. So I fired his ass on the spot."

Raph's eyes went wide. "Holy shit."

"Tell me about it. I mean, yer not sposed ta do that shit at work, duh. Truthfully, if he had snuck in his girlfriend or something, I might have looked the other way. But a dude?" Casey said, disgusted. "What kind of faggy shit is that?"

Raph winced- he hadn't expected that. "Uh..."

Casey continued on his rant. "I mean, I guess I shoulda known he was a twink just from how he acted. But what kind of man does that make ya? Takin it up the ass like that. It's a little better if you're the one pitchin' it, but not much. I can't even imagine that shit. I know you can't."

Anything Raph had been about to say was lodged firmly in his throat. "C-Case-"

"Ya wanna be a fairy, go ahead, but don't do it at work and don't make other people hafta deal with that. You know they legalized it now? Pretty soon they're gonna start teachin it in schools. I just hope ta God Cody don't get it into his head thinkin it's okay to suck another dude's dick." Having exhausted himself, he took another sip of beer and glanced over at the mutant sitting frozen beside him. "Hey, you alright?"

Raph worked his throat for a few seconds before he was sure that his voice sounded normal, and not like he was about to burst into tears...or screams. "Y-yeah. Y-yeah." He sat his own beer down robotically, damnear full. He felt nauseous and his stomach was rolling like he was going to be sick any moment. "'M just...tired."

Casey stretched, moving to stand up. "Yeah, me too. Got a early shift tomorrow. I think I'm gonna head to bed. Ya good out here?"

Raph nodded silently, still not trusting himself to make a sound. Shame and shock had caused his windpipe to suck closed.

 _Fag_.

"Cool. G'night, Raph. Thanks fer listenin." He clapped him on the shoulder and grinned, then turned and flicked off the light switch, leaving Raphael alone in the dark.

Moving in slow motion, Raph pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and tucked it around his own body. He didn't realize he was biting a hole through his lip until he tasted copper in the back of his throat. He felt like he'd been stabbed in the back, almost literally.

He couldn't believe he hadn't known that Casey- his BEST FUCKING FRIEND- felt that way. Nothing like that had ever come up in conversation before, but still, he hadn't been prepared for that level of venom. But now he knew exactly how Casey felt... About him.

_He didn't mean me. He couldn't have..._

Except he did. Maybe not directly, but he did. Because Leonardo was male, and they were-

He was-

And he was liking it.

_Donnie said it didn't... It's different._

Donatello had been telling them for years, since they'd all started catching boners in their sleep at thirteen, that they were a completely different species from humans and that gender didn't work the same for them. According to him there was no norm since there was only three (four) of them. They self lubricated, for Christ sake.

But it was a hard concept to get, and even still, he FELT male. Casey could never find out what a...a real freak he was. He'd lose the closest person to him outside of his brothers. April might understand, but if Casey told _Cody..._

_'What kind of man does that make you?'_

He crushed his jaws together and squeezed his eyes shut, gulping down a whine. He wished he had his razor. He should have never come over here tonight.

_It's better if you're pitchin' it, but not much._

But he wasn't the one 'pitching it'. That was Leonardo. Except for a few instances where he was allowed to take control, Raph had been mostly in the submissive. A tiny flare of discontented anger sparked in the back of his mind. Leonardo wasn't giving it up none. And that, according to Casey, made Raphael the sissy.

Casey's words were like knives in his heart all night, and it took all of his remaining emotional stamina and effort to keep his mask dry.

* * *

 

**( _Three Days Later)_**

"Mmmm... you're getting... better at...that," Leonardo hissed through his moans, watching inch after inch of his stiff member disappear down Raph's throat through heavy lidded eyes.

Raph's face twitched and wrinkled when he felt warmth hit the back of his throat, and his neck convulsed in a small cough. He didn't know if Leonardo was born without a gag reflex or had it surgically removed or what, but where the black masked turtle had no issues swallowing down ten inches of hard cock without choking once, Raph could only get about seven or eight inches in before being in danger of upchucking.

He had felt off his square mentally and emotionally ever since staying at Casey's a few days ago, even more than usual. There was a muted burn of something like a mixture of repressed anger and guilt in his chest, simmering like hot coals. He didn't WANT to be guilty, and really didn't understand why he was in the first place, so might as well add a sprinkle of resentment on top just for shits and giggles.

Leonardo had Raph's face squished between his thighs, tightening his knees when he did good and relaxing them when he fucked up. "Nnnn...nearly there," he huffed, raising and dropping his hips.

_'I just hope ta God Cody don't get it into his head thinkin it's okay to suck another dude's dick.'_

The very thing he was doing.

' _What kind of faggy shit is that?'_

His already shaky rhythm faltered and he started coughing in earnest. Leonardo let him pull away slightly to catch his breath, chewing pensievely on his lip. "Focus, please," he said, and what the hell, he sounded way too lecture-y for somebody supposedly on the verge of a damn orgasm.

Raph glowered up at him, rolled his eyes, and sank back down, stringing his jaw tighter and tighter with each inch he gained until the points of his lower canines were scoring hard along the vein on the underside of his weeping length.

For some reason, he wanted it to actually **hurt** , for Leonardo not to enjoy pain as much as Raph knew he did. He wanted him to yell, shout, pull him off his dick and kick him in the face.

Leonardo's toes curled inwards and he let out a soft _uh_ noise. He did shove Raph away, but only enough to grab himself and start jerking, rolling his thumb over the glistening head until he was rocking back on his shell and cumming, shaking while he striped Raph's cheek.

He turned his head away and felt it drip slowly off his chin, seeing Casey's disgusted grimace in his mind's eye.

' _Fairy_.'

Leonardo hmmed as he cycled down off his high and gazed at him, blinking. "Something wrong? That felt kind of lackluster."

Raph refused to meet his eyes, swiping a brusque hand over his face. "No." he mumbled.

' _Twink_.'

He didn't need to look at the other male to know that he didn't believe him. "Right. Okay."

' _It's better if you're the one giving it.'_

"Come here. I want to show you something."

It had been nearly a month, and he was still waiting for Leonardo to give his consent and lift his prissy tail.

The word itself was a lie, too. "Consent". What the fuck was consent to them? He sure hadn't given Leonardo consent to shove his fingers up his ass. Consent was permission and permission meant you actually gave a fuck about what the other person's boundaries were.

And Raphael distinctly remembered, when they'd first started doing this, agreeing that they didn't care about each other past orgasm.

This wasn't a relationship where he cared about Leonardo's feelings. This was a sex deal, plain and simple, and so far he was the only one delivering on his end.

So he stood up, narrowed his eyes, and took a menacing step forward. "No."

Leonardo blinked, and then his own irises slitted dangerously. "Excuse me?"

"No," Raphael spat. "I ain't doin' shit else till ya get off that high ass horse and spread em."

"Are you serious?" Leonardo huffed. "You can't be serious."

"As a fuckin' heart attack." Raph returned flatly.

Leonardo rolled his eyes heavily. "How many times do we have to go over this? What part of 'you're mine first' do you not get?"

Raph bristled. He was swiftly and unpleasantly reminded of trying to talk to Splinter, and being treated like a little ass kid. "You wanna shove me around an freeze me up an do whatever tha fuck you want ta me, but when it's your turn you scrunch ya face up and act like ya don't know how to take a dick. And I know that ain't the case."

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." Leonardo let out a sharp, humorless laugh. "No, I haven't let you screw me, but as I recall I haven't screwed you either."

"You den done damnear everything else-" Raph snarled, losing his grip on proper English even more in his irritation.

"No, actually." Leonardo cut him off, "I haven't."

"Ya keep cryin' about 'we ain't there yet, we ain't that yet', but ya ain't have no problem fingerfucking me without so much as a by yer leave!"

"You agreed to my challenge, and you didn't stop me. I thought your high pitched moans were yes enough. Actually, it was more like 'oooh, ah, yes, yes, shit, more, more'." Leonardo retorted spitefully.

Frustrated and confused were two words that didn't even BEGIN to explain the way he was feeling. "Why're ya fighting me on this?" Raph exclaimed, throwing up his arms.

Leonardo crossed his arms. "Sex is a battle, particularly with you. And I've never lost a battle in my life."

If that wasn't the most pretentious BULLSHIT...

"Was it a 'battle' with all the others?"

"Why can't you just trust me, at least on that if nothing else? It'll be better if you wait until you actually know what you're doing."

There was that same crap again, in a shiny new wrapper. 'Just trust me, I know better than you'. It was enough to make him sick.

"What are ya, some kind of control freak?!" he barked.

He saw Leonardo flinch a little on that one. He'd hit a nerve. "What are you, twelve?" he echoed swiftly. "Maybe I'm just now remembering that you live in a _sewer_ ," he pointed out, raising an eyeridge.

Raph flushed angrily and balled his hands into hard fists, but forced himself to release them after a second or two. "Raw talk, comin' from tha only real slut in this scenario. Bet you'd be 'dirtier' than me any day," he said nastily, fingers forming air quotes around the operative word.

"You don't know anything about me." Leonardo sneered, blushing brown himself. "Nothing at all."

"I know I ain't taking nothin else from you till you start givin it up!"

"You want to go first, is that it?" Leonardo scoffed. "Please. Maybe I should have picked one of your brothers. At least their egos might have been easier to deal with."

The comment acted like a cigarette in the cabin of a gasoline soaked truck. Raphael felt his blunt nails cut into his palms and a hot roll of anger rumbled through his veins and the coals in his chest ignited. "Yer a selfish prick and they wouldn't want nothin ta do with you!"

Leonardo squinted at him in disbelief. "I'm selfish? You've been sleeping with your self proclaimed enemy simply to spite your family. And I wouldn't be too sure about that. I've noticed that little one shooting me looks. He's got a pretty mouth and I'm sure he'd love to play my games. The adorable ones are always the biggest freaks." he mused sharply.

A sound like a tea kettle whistle was going off in Raphael's head, steadily gaining in noise. White and red spots danced in his eyes, and the insides of his teeth were starting to hurt. Steam would have been pouring out of his ears if it was scientifically possible.

The tiny, rational part of his mind knew that Leonardo didn't really mean what he was saying about Mikey, that he was just picking at his guilt and big brother complex to get a rise out of him, and that Leonardo's smug, pissy front was suspiciously similar to his own when he was confronted about shit he was trying to hide or deflect.

Unfortunately, he was succeeding, and that little voice was swiftly getting trampled by the Beast that was roaring FUCK HIM, FUCK HIM, FUCK HIM and not in the good way.

Emotion backed up the longer, more effective words he wanted to use in his brain and left him only able to choke out a few crude epithets. "FUCK you, you son of a bit-"

"Actually, I don't need you or your ragged family. There's a Tower full of people with my father's name on it that would have no problem letting me do whatever I please. I'm not compromising who I am just because you're going through some homophobic alpha male crisis." To Raphael's rage, he turned to leave, throwing one last icy dismissal over his shoulder. "Call me when you get over yourself."

FUCK HIM, FUCK HIM, FUCK HIM.

It wasn't differentiating between figurative or literal, but by that point Raphael didn't care.

A huge, bearlike snarl tore from between his teeth, a sound of pure anger. He lunged forward and snatched Leonardo's mask tails from where they fluttered behind him, jerking his neck backwards.

The smaller male let out a startled yell and immediately started to struggle like a hooked fish. Half in his right mind, Raph wrapped a thick forearm around his neck to keep him in place and and away from the swords propped and waiting against the wall. Leonardo's nails ripped bloody furrows in his skin, only serving to make him angrier. He tightened his muscles, revelling in the strangled gasp he received. He didn't know what he was trying to accomplish, probably just a simple retaliation for the comments about Mikey, maybe just make him stay and hear him out.

Whatever the reason, it had spiralled into a full on fight once the first blow was landed.

His triumph was short lived, despite the fact that he managed to avoid being headbutted. He had to throw his neck back and swerve it to keep from getting his face broken, but that meant repositioning his feet to stop from falling, splaying then out for balance.

He almost expected the smashing pain in his instep the moment before it came, but that didn't stop his leg from buckling or his chokehold to loosen enough so that Leonardo could slam his elbow into the side of his head twice in quick succession.

Red lights burst in his eyes and his skull rang like a bell as he staggered for his balance. He felt Leonardo slip his grip. His ankles caught on the edge of the mattress as he stumbled back, saving him from the harsh kick aimed at his side. He grabbed Leonardo's leg instinctively and they both went down with matching grunts, winding up tangled and rolling across the warehouse floor.

Sheer weight and mass insured that Raphael ended up on top, pinning the other male while Leonardo struggled and spat foreign curses at him. It was like trying to stay on a bucking bronco, but something wouldn't let him let go. That same something wanted to feel that delicious hitch in Leonardo's lungs under his body, feel his furious contortions. Blood was rushing in his head, his adrenaline was up, and sometime during the fight to lock on the Beast's cage had flown off completely. It had hold of his thoughts in its claws, hissing savagely in his brain.

_Isn't this what you wanted?_

He wasn't sure-

"Get off of me!" Leonardo lurched, and then he realized-

_You're hard._

This hadn't been about sex, but he was shocked to discover that he was, indeed, hardening rapidly at the feeling of Leonardo squirming beneath him. Anger, confusion, and arousal were hitting him from all sides, and the world was coming in too fast for him to process. He felt out of himself, like he was watching this happen to another person.

_Not so high and mighty now, is he?_

Leonardo surged upwards again and Raphael mashed his forearms into the center of his plastron on instinct, driving the air out of his chest and slamming his head against the floor with an meaty smack.

"Don't feel good, does it?!"

Everything was red and hazy, and his fingers were digging into Leonardo like he was trying to burrow his way in. He was being rougher than he meant to be, knew he was adding marks to the ones already on his body, but he couldn't stop. He didn't even want to. It felt good, so good to finally get one over on Leonardo, even for just a few seconds. To be the one calling the shots again. The feeling of dominance sent a dark chill through his beast, strengthening it.

_You should fuck him now. Show him how it feels from the other side._

That would...no. That was wrong. He only wanted him to see it from his view, to shake him up for once. That would be-

_He likes it rough, doesn't he? He'd probably enjoy it. He thinks you're a bitch- HIS bitch._

That...was...

True.

' _What kind of man does that make you?'_

 _So do it_.

Leonardo wasn't Leonardo anymore. To the Beast, he was only a body, warm and pliant and useable. The beast was angry and horny and goddammit it was going to get what it was owed, willing or not. It made him want to push into his body without anything to ease the way, want to fuck him until he broke apart on his cock, until he couldn't feel anything but Raph inside him and around him.

_Do it! Take it!_

He let his weight fall all the way foward, and they rocked dangerously onto the curved part of Leonardo's shell. To avoid his neck being crushed, the smaller male had no choice but to fling out a leg to stabilize them. As soon as it left the other one, Raphael trapped it beneath his knee and shifted to the left so that their momentum spread out Leonardo beneath him.

"Let me go! Bastard!" Every cell in his body was wound tight and his eyes blazed brown fire, teeth bared.

Raph's shoulders were a mass of scratches and wounds he didn't even feel. He grabbed Leonardo's arms and forced them upwards. At that point he realized that he had Leonardo's mask clenched in his fist, and without thinking about it he began to tie his wrists together, lashing them with the black fabric.

"What are you doing?!" There was real fear in his tone now, and a dawning sense of horror. "What are you-?!" He started to try to free his hands and ended up with an elbow in his collarbone for his trouble.

Using one hand to keep his wrists secured to the cold floor, Raph reached down and palmed his slit. It was closed, with no sign of hardness beneath. Instead of arousal, he was swimming in clouds of fear and fury, like the criminals he stomped but twice as potent.

_That's fine. He'll get there. He likes it like this._

"STOP!"

He went lower, finding Leonardo's tail curled protectively over his gland and entrance. The Beast grabbed it and forced it down to expose the dry, wrinkled knot of flesh, indifferent to Leonardo's pleas. The other turtle wasn't sitting through it quietly, jerking and kicking and fighting as much as he was able.

" _STOP IT!"_

He spat- once, twice, three times- to wet the area, rubbing harshly around his hole. It wasn't enough, but the beast didn't care one bit. The skin reddened under his thumb, caught on his nail, and slowly started to break, welling up red liquid around his finger and further fogging up his head with the smell and sight of blood.

"DON'T!"

Drops of warm precome fell down on his plastron with loud plops. His slit was aching, pulsing, widening. He started to thrust, sliding and pressing his half hard cock into and against the junction of Leonardo's thighs messily.

But it didn't feel good at all.

It was like his emotions and sensations were trickling in through a screen. It didn't feel right. It didn't feel whole. Everything was disjointed in his head like broken glass, a mirror held together with the glue of anger and not much else. The edges of his vision were blank and a steady growl spilled out of his chest, a strange film blocking his ears and deafening him.

_Quick. Do it quick. Make him scream._

_'It's better if you're giving it...what kind of man does that make you?'_

He wasn't the sissy. He wasn't a fag. He WASN'T-

" _RAPHAE-'H'EL!"_

It was the sob, the small catch in his voice and his name- panicked, desperate, pleading- that finally broke through, that shook the Beast's hold on him and let his morality reasert itself and chased the beast back like a werewolf running from silver bullets. It was a splash of ice water, smashing through the filter of angry lust and numb fury. He pulled back, shaking and disoriented as the bubble popped and the world flooded back in.

His jaw exploded with pain and blood filled his mouth as Leonardo kneed him brutally in the face as soon as his leg was free, echoed by the blows he caught to the neck and sternum. He dropped like a rock and didn't even fight it, holding his throat as he felt his mouth start to swell up immediately.

"Y-you...jackass."

Through a darkening eye, he looked up to see Leonardo on the other side of the room, shaking hard and glaring at him with all the heat of earth's core. A dark bruise was forming around his neck and for the first time since Raphael had known him he was standing in a hunched position, curled in on himself. A slow line of blood was oozing accusingly down the side of his thigh, bright red on an oak green field.

In his eyes was a pain that transcended the rough treatment he'd just had, something that was past physical. Raw, distant memories lay naked in his gaze, and a horrible familiarity, like an adult years later seeing the monster under their bed that tormented them as a kid. It was like looking at an ugly, reopened wound, one that Raphael had no idea had even existed but was now gaping wide in his face.

_What...just...happened?!_

"I d-didn't mean," he gasped, spattering blood on the floor and his hand with every thick word. His lip had been badly split, and it burned as the flesh shifted and rubbed together. "It wasn't sposed ta...I wasn't gonna-"

He only meant to scare him, shake him up. It wasn't supposed to get to this.

"You really are a monster, aren't you?" Leonardo spat. Then he laughed. "But that's fine. I knew that. I asked for it. I can handle it. You surprised me. I just wasn't expecting it today. I knew it was coming, but-" he broke off into a shaky exhale and closed his eyes for a split second. When he opened them again, they were glaciers, dead and opaque.

"He-...it won't happen again. Never again from... and not from the likes of you. I won't be that weak again. You're lucky I don't take your head off you where you sit."

He straightened up, and his shaking had mostly slowed. "Try it again and again, but I'll kill you before I let you take anything from me by force. And you're going to pay me back for this. If this is what you want, I'll give it to you." he promised with a nod.

Raphael sat there for nearly an hour after he fled in a flash of green and black, leaving nothing behind but three droplets of ruby red on the dusty floor behind him. He stared at them even as his eyes filled with moistureand bile inched up his throat. He was too horrified to move, paralyzed not by pressure point but by his own disbelief.

_Again. He said...again._


	20. Otōto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siblings come to terms with each other.

_**:Hello, Nín hǎo, and welcome to Learning Traditional Chinese, Volume One, Tape One. In this lesson, you will learn traditional greetings and titles. Repeat after the voice you hear to the best of your ability, and press the green button when you are ready to move on.:** _

_Click._

**_:Hello: Nín hǎo.:_ **

_"Hello. Nín hǎo."_

_Click._

**_:Good morning: Zǎoshang hǎo.:_ **

_"Good Morning. Zǎoshang hǎo."_

_Click._

**_:Mother: Mǔqīn.:_ **

_"Mǔqīn."_

_Click._

_"Leonardo?"_

_"Mǔ- Oh! Sorry. I didn't hear the door."_

_"It's fine, little one. What are you up to?"_

_"I'm not little anymore. I'm almost fourteen."_

_"Of course, little one. What are you doing?"_

_"Learning Chinese. Madame Shao only speaks a certain dialect and Claron said I have to learn if I want to do business with her clan one day."_

_"Indeed. A clan leader must have a talented tongue. Have you heard from your sister?"_

_"No...I'm getting worried. She said she'd write every day but..."_

_"Don't worry yourself about it. You know how Rai can be."_

_"Yeah..."_

_"Chin up, little one. I think I have something that will take your mind off of it."_

_"Yes?"_

_He held up a sweet, foil wrapped and gleaming stickily in the light._

_"I-!... Don't want that. Those are for babies."_

_"Oh? Well, excuse my mistake. I suppose I'll have to eat this myself."_

_"Wait!"_

_"Indeed?"_

_Crinkle, crinkle. Smack._

_"Mmm... Thank you."_

_"Of course, of course. I have something else for you, too."_

_"Something else?"_

_"Yes. But you must close your eyes for this one."_

_"Why? I'm not a baby."_

_"It's a very...special surprise, Leonardo. Close your eyes now, or you won't get it."_

_"Fine..."_

_"Are you ready?"_

_"Yes."_

**_Eeeeeeeee..._ **

_**CLICK**._

_"Why did you...close the door?"_

_"To give you your surprise, of course. Eyes closed, now."_

_**Zzzzip**._

_"I f-feel...s-sick...Whu...? Why are you-?"_

_"Hush, little one. It'll all be over soon."_

_"I don't want to- get off me! GET OFF ME! STOP IT! STOP IT, PLEASE!"_

_Whiiiir...whiiiir...whiiiir..._

_Click._

* * *

 

The table in the Shredder's private living quarters sat fifteen, but at the moment only three chairs were filled. He himself sat at the head, and his two children in the middle, silently eating their morning meal with soft clink clinks of heavy chopsticks against delicate porcelain bowls. A clock ticked somewhere unseen.

Karai twirled her noodles around her utensils and cast quick, fleeting glances at her adopted sibling. He wasn't eating, even though he was doing a very good job of pretending like he was. The level of broth in his bowl hadn't changed an inch. There were extra ribbons around his wrists and left arm, and when he moved she could see the edge of a large bruise on his neck.

The air was tight and tense, heavy with an emotion she couldn't readily identify.

It was... Intriguing.

She looked down, then up again, and nearly blushed when she saw that he was looking at her. "Is there something wrong, Sister?" Leonardo said. He was smiling, but his eyes were empty and chilled, warning.

"Nothing, Brother." she replied slowly. Something was wrong, she was sure of it. She wanted not to care, and she despised that somehow, he always managed to draw her attention, despite her efforts to push him from her mind.

"Were your nights well spent, children?" The Shredder asked, shuffling through the large pile of papers at his station.

"Yes, Father."

"... Yes."

Was that a pause she detected?

"Acheron sends his greetings." Shredder continued, and Karai smiled. If Oruku Saki was a Lord, then Acheron was paramount to the King of the Foot Clan umbrella. He oversaw everything, and he was like a grandfather to Leonardo and herself.

Shredder leaned down and removed a parcel from beneath the table. "He sends a gift as well, Karai." He shoved it down the length of the shining table and into her waiting hands. With an air of gloating, she slid her sharpened nails under the tape and slit it open, lifting out a pair of slim, clawed gauntlets. "They're beautiful," she exclaimed happily, chest lightening in delight. Perfect for tearing out throats with minimum effort, and pretty to boot. This could possibly be a sign that she had dear Acheron's favor for the throne, seeing as how Leonardo had noticeably received nothing.

"I will thank him personally later." Unable to resist, she glanced at Leonardo again and smiled smugly, tone like liquid sugar. "But what of you, dear brother? Surely Acheron wouldn't leave you out."

"I received my gift before I left Japan." Leonardo returned simply. Karai sniffed and returned to admiring her present. "Have you heard any news from Kuo, Father?"

Kuo had been advisor to the Shredder when they were children. They called him uncle. He was always patient, attentive and willing to go along with their games. He had gone with Leonardo when he was sent away but she hadn't heard from him since.

Leonardo shifted in his chair. "Kuo is dead."

She froze, gaping. "What?!"

"He was killed in the rebellion fighting."

"And you didn't think this was something to mention?!"

"It slipped my mind."

"How?! What happened?"

"I don't know. I wasn't there. I didn't see it. They found him after. I'm sorry."

"I can't believe you didn't-!"

"Calm yourself, Daughter." Shredder rumbled. "Leonardo has had more pressing matters to focus on of late."

Eyelashes burning, Karai pursed her lips and glared down at her food. Her wonderful Kuo was dead, she'd been left unaware, and it was Leonardo's fault.

"I'm sure he has," she mumbled sourly.

"You will forgive your brother of his lapse."

She didn't reply to that.

The Shredder kept talking. "I will be departing today. I will not return until later this week. I'm charging you both with temporary command of this Clan."

She felt his eyes burning into the side of her head, so she swallowed her anger and bent her neck. "Yes, Father."

"Yes, Father."

The rest of the meal was spent in icy silence before the Shredder left to prepare for his journey. Karai escaped to her room as soon as she was allowed, sucking back furious tears. She snagged a random handmaiden and yanked the stunned girl around by her shirt. "Find materials for a funeral altar and deliver them to me within the hour."

"Y-y-yes, Mistress," she gasped. The girl nodded frantically and took off down the hallway when she was released, shaking in relief. So frantic was she to get away she nearly slammed into Leonardo, who was walking in the opposite direction, back in his exercise garb.

"Ap-apologies, Honored Son," she cowered, flinching as if expecting a hit.

"You're fine," he said simply, moving to the side to let her pass. She gaped at him in amazement, then shook herself and went on her way. Leonardo smiled bemusedly and looked up to where Karai was shooting daggers at him with her eyes. "You've got them all terrified of you, I see."

"What do you want?" Karai sneered, curling her lip as high as it would go. "Come to inform me of more important deaths you forgot about?"

Leonardo brushed away the jab with a twitch of his shoulders. "Father wants us to survey the Advanced Classes this morning," he explained. "Together. So at least try to look happy about it. We have an image to maintain."

"Whatever." Karai muttered, turning her back on him.

His 'see you down there, then' was agitatingly neutral. She kicked the door closed with her heel and snatched off her suit, then ran her fingers through her hair. It was growing out. Viciously, she grabbed the clippers from her vanity and snipped the extra length away.

When she exited her room in her own workout clothes, he was thankfully absent, and she could hate him in peace all the way down to the arena where the Advanced class was having its morning session.

As if to further throw salt in her eye, the first thing she noticed was Harlot Nyre chatting it up with Leonardo, giggling at every word out of his mouth.

"Instructor!" Karai snapped, drawing all eyes to herself. Nyre's smile faded, but she didn't look nearly as scared Karai thought she should. "That's me."

"You're teaching this class?"

"Yes."

"Then teach, please, unless you typically spend all of class gossiping." Karai said sharply. She saw the girl's straining sports bra lift with an intake of breath.

"Actually, Mistress Karai, my class was wondering if we'd be privy to a little exhibition before we get started," she replied.

Karai rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Pick your student, then." She'd waste whoever was brave (see: stupid) enough to volunteer, and then get on with her day.

"Begging your pardon, Mistress," Nyre simpered, "but I was referring to Honored Son Leonardo."

Karai froze for a second, not believing what she was hearing. She saw Leonardo blink, once. "Me?"

"We've seen Mistress Karai sparring recently," Nyre continued, "but we have yet to see you in battle, Honored Son."

There was a moment of dangerous silence.

"Well...I don't have a problem with it," Leonardo said finally, glancing at her. The student's eyes instantly gleamed with excitement.

Karai chewed hard on her tongue, ready to let loose a dozen venomous responses, but then she saw Leonardo's eyes narrow fractionally, and his eyeridge lifted.

' _We have an image to maintain.'_

They had to appear united, not only for the Shredder but the rest of the Foot as well. Unease led to unrest, which led to defection and chaos. It was one of the very first lessons that had been drilled into their skulls.

"Neither...do I." she bit out finally. Nyre smiled and gestured to one of her students. Karai drifted over to the end of the mat but refused to sit next to the others, who were all wiggling and biting their lips.

"Joshua is brilliant with a Katana, Leonardo." Nyre tossed out, as the gangly boy scrambled forward, an actual Katana in his sweaty hands. "Perhaps you can show him a few tricks."

"I'll do my best." Leonardo smiled. He drew one blade- only one- and watched Joshua strike a stiff combat pose in front of him, licking sweat off of his top lip. It was obvious he was waiting for Leonardo to attack first, but as the seconds ticked by it became clear that he was waiting in vain.

It was an involuntary reflex that gave him away, a slight fluttering of the eyes, not even a full blink, but it was as good as a shout. He jabbed down towards Leonardo's knee, and despite his initial nervousness his form was excellent.

Leonardo flicked his wrist, and Joshua was suddenly struggling to correct his balance and get his blade back under control as it arched up towards the ceiling.

Leonardo let him, ignoring the wide open target he presented and letting him collect himself. Joshua was more confident in the backswing, striking hard for Leonardo's middle...

...and waiting for Leonardo to adjust before reversing quickly and pivoting in a trick move that moved him out of block range and directly into the mutant's personal space. His blade shimmered as it darted for Leonardo's elbow, and it looked sure to connect.

It would have, if not for the second Katana that appeared out of thin air in front of his throat, stopping his spin cold and leaving him gulping and balancing on his toes to avoid cutting his own throat, the razor edge centimetres from his bobbing Adam's apple, his own flushing face inches from Leonardo's nose.

Karai heard Nyre and the students exhale as one behind her.

Leonardo withdrew the sword that they hadn't even seen him draw with a flourish and sank fluidly back into his crouch, awaiting the next attempt.

Joshua shook himself and dove forward again, gripping his sword with both hands in a hacking motion. Leonardo stepped forward boldly into the skull cleaving strike, sweeping gracefully upwards to catch the edge on his hilts. With a smooth shift of muscle in his calf, he slid his leg backwards and pulled down, yanking the boy forward and off balance. The other blade came up and hooked around Joshua's shoulder, slicing warningly into the fabric of his shirt.

One twitch of his hand and the boy would be missing an arm, and, another twitch, his head.

Leonardo rolled his hard shoulders, and the fight continued, increasingly furious. Nyre hadn't lied. Joshua was good with a Katana. But Leonardo...

He was more snake than turtle as he twisted and slithered in between the student's increasingly creative jabs, using his opponents balance and weight against him. The only indication of exertion on his part was the rivulets of sweat trailing down the curves and planes of his body, making the seams in his shell gleam. Sand from the arena stuck to his skin, clinging to his thighs suggestively. He was sinuous and impossible not to watch.

Joshua crossed his blades and struck low, but in a fantastic show of agility, Leonardo ducked lower, under the blade, twisting to land lightly on his hands and knees in a spray of grit. He locked his knee and pulled the boy's ankles out from beneath him, pushing himself up to his feet before the student even hit the floor.

He twirled, perfectly balanced, using one sword to literally pluck the blade out of Joshua's fingers. The other caught at his navel and slid up, up, up- directly beneath his chin. Nothing happened for a small minute, and then, slowly, Joshua's shirt started to peel down the middle, revealing his undershirt, which ALSO split down the center line, showing the long, shallow scratch trailing perfectly over his stomach and chest.

The boy dropped to his knees wordlessly, and Karai actually heard one of the girls behind her give a low whimper of pure want. They were all squirming, rubbing their thighs and swallowing thickly, eyes wide with adoration. At least half of the boys had crossed their legs, grinding their elbows into their groins in a vain attempt to fight their bodies.

"Will that suffice, Nyre?" Leonardo asked. The girl ran a shaking hand through her hair and jerked her chin up and down a few times, and Leonardo smiled. "I think I'll take my leave now. You can handle it, right Sister?" He didn't wait for a response, sheathing his swords and stepping out of the arena.

As soon as he was out of earshot, the students broke into giddy chatter, seemingly forgetting that Karai was right there.

"Ohhh, Gods in Heaven," one of them panted, bouncing on the heels of her hands. "What I wouldn't give to have him focus on me that way..."

"I bet he's in the showers now..." Thrilled squealing.

"Did you see the way he moved?!"

"If he's as good a lover as a fighter-"

"Oh...I can attest to that."

All of their heads, including Karai's, snapped around to focus on Nyre. She was grinning smugly like a cat with the cream, chewing slowly on her nail.

"Nyre," one of the girls gasped, "truly? Have you...?"

Karai's eyeballs boiled in their sockets when Nyre's grin widened, and she gave a breathy little laugh. "What do you think?"

"That day you were late to class...where you-?!"

Karai didn't hear the final part of the boy's question. She was already in the hallway by the time the last syllable left his mouth, nearly flying through the tower in her cloud of rage.

When she finally found him he was in his room, calmly sharpening a sword on his bed with a towel around his neck. He raised his eyebrow when she shoved his door open and appeared- sweaty, flushed, infuriated- in his threshold.

"What's the matter, Ane?" he asked easily, and Karai swelled like a puffer fish. In that instant everything about him made her marrow tingle with anger.

"You," she snarled, "don't call me that. The matter is you, and your whorish behavior!"

He froze instantly, and she saw his eyes widen in shock. "What?"

She flung a hand in the direction of the hallway. "That...tramp, Nyre," she spat. "You slept with her. You could have waited at least a year before you started spreading your legs to every mildly attractive soldier in the Tower."

She expected him to leap up and attack her for the insult- gods almighty, she wanted him to, so they could end this here and now- but he didn't, and that only infuriated her more. "I didn't sleep with her," he said slowly, giving her a sideways glance.

"Liar," Karai hissed immediately. "She's out in the commons right now, prancing around and bragging about what an amazing lover you are."

Leonardo finally stood up, but he still didn't engage her physically. He barely blinked. "Then she's the one that's lying," he concluded. "To get status, no doubt." He still sounded much too calm for her liking.

"Don't flatter yourself, please." The venom in her tone was strong enough to kill a poison dart frog.

"You know, this level of hypocrisy is amazing. I'm not the one that's known as the 'Venus Flytrap' of the Foot Clan." Leonardo retorted, finally looking annoyed. "That honorary title belongs to you. As far as seduction goes, I'm only a runner up."

Karai blushed a deep pink, and angry goosebumps rose up thick along her arms. "This isn't about me!" she sneered, stalking forward to jab a sharp fingernail into his chest plates.

His eyes narrowed to hard brown slits. "Why don't you just say what this is about then?"

She didn't want to fall into that sinkhole, but the words flew out of her mouth like knives before she could swallow them.

"You left me!" she yelled. "You abandoned me!"

"I had no choice!" he countered loudly. "They didn't even give me time to pack my own belongings!"

"But you had time to take what you wanted from me, didn't you?" she replied.

"Don't. Don't pretend like I forced you." he said coldly. "You came to my room and climbed into my bed. You kissed me first. You nearly forced me. But that doesn't mean you own me."

Karai felt her eyes burn. "I wish you'd never returned. You're not my brother." She had no clue who this mutant was, this deadly, sexual creature.

"Why?" he asked lowly. "Because I'm not stumbling after you, letting you draw on my shell and taking the blame for you when things go missing? No." he shook his head. "I told you I'm not a little kid anymore. I won't let anyone intimidate me." The firm lines of his face softened fractionally. "But...that doesn't mean I want you to hate me forever."

"I already-"

"I'm sorry."

"...what?"

It was the last thing she expected to hear come out of his mouth. While her jaw hung wide open, he continued to talk.

"I'm sorry, Karai." He bent his head. "I should have tried harder to stay in contact with you. And I've been so preoccupied with gaining father's attention that I've neglected you. So, for that at least, I'm sorry."

Karai jerked back, desperately clinging to her anger. The apology wasn't patronizing that she could see- it looked and sounded sincere, humble. His brown eyes were sorrowful and earnest.

He meant it.

"I..." she choked. "Y-you... can't do that." She stamped her foot and pulled angrily at her hair. Why couldn't she just hate him unconditionally? He wouldn't let her. "You can't do that! I need to hate you! I have to!"

"Why? You're my sister."

When had he gotten so close? He was towering over her again, much too close for her high running emotions. He had clearly showered after his workout. His skin was damp, and he smelled like Forest body wash, a scent that mingled with his natural aroma and made the apex of her legs throb.

She saw his nostrils flare, and his irises darkened as he caught her arousal. "Karai..."

This would not happen again. It WOULD NOT.

"Don't. I swear to- don't." she said, scrabbling for her weapons and panicking when she remembered she was unarmed. What she needed to be armed for, she wasn't sure, but she felt like she was engaged in a battle for her life.

"Don't what? You came here." He tilted his head. "Just like last time."

"I have to hate you," she said, hoping that reason would save her from the tense energy dancing and sparking between them, making her skin feel hot and flushed all over and causing her to thrum with heat and sensitivity in her thighs and cunt. She used her words like a shield, but her voice cracked. "You will take the throne from me. You'll shame me and shun me."

"I'm your brother," he snorted. "You taught me my first words. Even if I do take command, which is no guarantee, do you really think I'd toss you out like that?"

"I don't know you." Karai hissed again. She pressed her legs together and instantly regretted it, having to bite back a whimper as the pressure made her slickness ache.

"Then I guess you'll just have to get to know me again."

She shivered as his hand alighted on her hip, nearly as big around as her tiny waist. When she didn't attack him, he bent down and kissed her on her forehead, sweet and pleading like she'd done to him so many times in the past. He stooped lower and fit his beak to her mouth, dusting her lips with his painfully familiar tasting breath while he slowly dipped beneath her obi.

Brother, her heart screamed, while her mind howled SEDUCTION TRAINING. His knuckle dragged gently across her stomach beneath her shirt, and the heat between her thighs spiked.

"I could think of nothing worse," she gasped, as his fingers slipped lower and sought out her eager, shameful wetness. She trembled when his thumb rolled around her clit, grabbing for his wrist, neither pulling him closer nor pushing him away.

His smile was triumphant and innocent all at once, angelic in his victory.

"I'll have to fix that."

He pushed in, crooked his finger, and maneuvered her swiftly onto the bed when her knees failed her.

* * *

 

Karai was not a person prone to deja vu.

That being said, as she stared at the tiny, warped image of herself entwined in Leonardo's arms, reflected back at her by the small mirror atop his drawer, she couldn't help but remember the last time she'd been in this position years earlier, staring at the exact same mirror, seeing the exact same painting of her sin gazing back.

She couldn't care less about the barely simulated issue of incest in the situation. Leonardo was a mutant, and she was completely human. He was only her brother in name and title, and that formality didn't bother her in the slightest. It was the others that were the problem.

Two sides of herself warred quietly while she lay there. The rational, sensible side screamed that Leonardo had abandoned her, left her, that he was still a threat to her position in the Clan. That he wasn't the brother she'd known.

The other side- the one that recalled with crystal clarity the mentally shattering pleasure from the night before- told her that yes, he was the same, from the arms that swallowed up her smaller frame while she writhed beneath him to the dark eyes that watched her come undone.

She blinked, and the younger version of herself blinked too, drawing her tongue delicately over her bite swollen lips. They throbbed in its wake. She twitched, and her still deliciously sore and aching core gave a feeble twinge.

Leonardo shifted behind her. He didn't make a sound, his breathing didn't change, but she knew that he was awake.

And apparently, he was reading her mind.

"This is kind of like deja vu, isn't it?" he mumbled, nuzzling the back of her neck.

Karai licked her mouth again to wet it so she could speak. "Of the worst kind." she said. Her voice was hoarse, and she felt him smile against her skin.

"I think this might have been inevitable."

"I hate you," she whispered, and he laughed, clutching her tighter. Thinking it was a lie.

She didn't even know if it was true anymore.

"You've said that so much it's losing its meaning." he replied. Karai sighed in defeat and shuttered her eyes against the sight of them tangled together. His arm slid across her bare stomach and she shivered, but from what she didn't know.

"Nyre?" she asked.

"I didn't. I swear." he said. "I thought about it, just for the sake of doing it. If I HAD slept with her, she wouldn't have been prancing. You know that."

She did. With the state her body was in now, she couldn't fathom prancing anywhere.

"Why didn't you ever reply to me?" she said, hoping she didn't sound as childish to him as she did to her own ears.

He shook his head. "I did. Every day. You told me to forget you, and then you stopped writing completely."

"That's- that's what YOU did!" she snapped, incredulous. "I never..." She trailed off, eyebrows pulling together, then smoothing when she puzzled it out. "... Father."

She felt him nod. "I figured it out when I saw how angry you were at me. He must have been altering our letters."

She didn't ask why. It was obvious. The Shredder wanted to isolate them, separate them, and he'd succeeded, at least for a while.

"That explains why he sent you to the most backwoods village in all of Asia." Karai huffed. "No electricity means no emails. He couldn't change emails..."

He made a noncommittal noise. "You cut your hair..."

She shoved down the answering surge of shame. "Not at first. It was long for the first few months...nearly down my back. But when you didn't respond, I cut it, simply because you made me promise not to."

"Broken promises." he sighed.

"He wants us to hate each other." she muttered, pillowing her cheek on his forearm. "For one of us to take control over the other."

"Do you want it?" he asked, toying with a strand of her hair.

She pressed her icy toes into his leg and smirked when she felt him flinch. "...Yes." she answered, truthfully. "And I know you do too."

"I want it. But I want this too." he said, stroking her chin.

"You can't have both." she told him harshly, jerking away from his touch. "I won't be your concubine."

"And I won't be yours," he promised firmly. "So we're still in the same position."

Karai made as if to get out of the bed. "Then there's nothing more to say."

He reached for her and caught her wrist, and she stiffened, but eventually allowed herself to be pulled back against his chest...mostly because her thighs screamed at her to cease all movement immediately.

"I didn't say that." Leo reasoned. "Think. If we stall long enough, he'll get tired of waiting and choose for us."

He was right about that, at the very least. Shredder was as impatient as the day was long. She didn't say anything, and he continued, moving on to stroking her pale back in long, soothing motions, like one would a pet viper.

"When he does, we can plot each other's deaths then. But in the meantime..." he pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "We can be civil."

Karai bit her tongue and mulled over his suggestion. She was tired of watching her back around him, and agreeing to behave like siblings again and not mortal enemies meant that she wouldn't have to worry about catching a katana in her spine.

Essentially, it was a truce, and one with exceptional benefits at that.

"A temporary cease fire?" she mused, exhaling deeply and arching as his kisses slowly moved down her back. "Hmmm... What if the soldiers talk?"

He snorted and nipped at her ear. "They know better."

"Mm," she sighed. He stopped, and turned her chin so he could look her in the eye.

"Did you just agree with me?"

"It's a shock to me, too," Karai grimaced. She rolled her eyes. "So it's settled then... Until he chooses, things go back to the way... The way they were?"

"Not exactly the way they were," he amended quietly, linking their mismatched fingers together with remembered ease. "But mostly."

She looked up, and saw them in the mirror- him with bare eyes, and her with mussed hair, twisted in the sheets, covered in bites and scratches, and her heart gave a squeeze as a firm feeling settled in her stomach.

The image looked right.

"... Alright."

She felt him breathe out, and saw him close his eyes to lean his forehead on her arm. He hugged her, but it wasn't a lover's embrace or a mocking gesture. It was a true hug, from a brother to a sister.

"I really did miss you, Ane..."

Karai lay her jaw against his and inhaled, filling her lungs with him. "I...I missed...you too, Ototo..."

In her mind, she knew that this would end in blood and betrayal. It was simply how they were raised, and nothing would ever change that. Scorpions could not change their natures.

But before then, she would have him completely, and he would have her. Her hands crept around his back to the tender, unprotected patch of skin just under the lip of his carapace, knowing that was where her blade would eventually find its home when this was all over... If he didn't sheathe his swords in her gut first.

"If I see you looking at another girl again, I'll skin you both."

"What about-"

"Men too."


	21. Bitter and Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shredder sends a message, and Raph has his eyes opened.

"Ohhhh, G-Godssss..."

Karai fisted one hand in her sweaty hair and the other in Leonardo's mask as he kneeled between her thighs, dragging his broad tongue roughly through her heated folds. One leg was pointed up to the ceiling and the other one was flung out, curled around his shoulder and trapped under his side, leggings bunched around one ankle from where they'd been ripped off.

She humped his face with involuntary motions while he worked her with his mouth, watching him with wide eyes and parted lips while he feasted on her. He grabbed the backs of her knees and caught her clit between his top lip and teeth, sucking with varying degrees of pressure until she squirmed, tracing designs into her swollen flesh.

"Aaohhh, _un, Ot-tō-TOH_!" The last part of the word turned into a breathless gasp as he slid a finger into her soaked cunt, opening her as wide as she could go, teasing and sliding his textured digit around her hard bud. She arched up, heat high in her cheeks, and he nibbled hard on her labia.

" _Sono shimerimashita_ ," Leonardo mumbled. He pushed two thick fingers into her with deliberate ease, sending a low throb of warmth rolling through her pelvis. He ground the heel of his hand against her and pumped her relentlessly with sharp flicks of his wrist, alternating the strokes of his fingers with his licks in turns, playing her like an instrument. He reached up to palm her breast, rolling her taut nipple and biting at the jut of her hipbone.

She writhed under the conflicting sensations of skin and teeth, clawing desperately at him and breaking her nails on his hard shell. The shockwaves hit her, bringing her to a jerking climax as he soothed her through it, tapping her clit and kissing her abused mouth. He pulled his fingers out of her pulsing entrance and loomed over her for a second, chin gleaming with her juices, cock hard and heavy against her thigh.

Karai wrapped her legs around his middle and he allowed her to flip them. She shimmied down his smooth front until she reached his gaping slit, leaving a shing trail in her wake, and rolled his head back as she grabbed his erection, lining them up.

"Aahh, _Aneeee_..." he moaned. Karai gasped as she guided him in at the intrusion of the wide head inside her.

" _Totemo ōkiku_ ," she hissed, tongue between her teeth as she rocked up and back, lashes fluttering when she pushed down and he slid in. "Ah! un, yeah, Kami..." She braced herself on his chest and clenched her slick muscles around the hot cock nudging her depths, flexing and relaxing her thighs to bounce on him. She couldn't catch her breath. She felt full, so FULL and Gods, she did miss this, energy and electricity flowing all the way out to her fingers and toes.

Leonardo groaned and propped himself up on his elbows to watch her fuck herself, wrapping a hand around her neck and meeting her downwards motions with hard jerks of his hips, leaning up to bite down hard on her lip. Karai let out a strangled noise with every impact, pressure and heat hiking and building up inside and she wasn't sure if she was coming again or still coming from last time, but he twisted his hips and gripped her throat and-

"Mistress Karai?"

Karai wanted to scream in as Leonardo's thrusts slowed to a stop and her orgasm slipped away. She blinked the film of moisture from her eyes and glared at the door.

He buried his face in her shoulder and leaned up to press them closer together, tangling their legs in a sitting position and sliding deeper, making her gulp back a yell.

"WHAT?!"

"Your father the Lord Shredder requires the presence of you and your brother."

"I-" she swallowed her tongue when Leonardo pressed a hand to the small of her back and pushed firmly, rocking her back and forth. " _Oh_ -"

"Mistress? Shall I tell him you are preoccupied?"

She didn't much give a damn what he told her father at that point, because her toes had started to curl. "I don't- yes, _ah_ \- go, just, yes, go..."

"Yes, Mistress. Anything else?"

" _DOKO KA NI ITSUTE!"_

She didn't hear his footsteps receding down the hall through her screech when Leonardo started fucking into her in earnest, bringing her to the edge in three hard thrusts and shoving her over in five.

They took ten minutes to clean up and make it down to the throne room. The Shredder was alone and waiting for them. To their shock, he was out of his armor and absent of his helmet.

He turned his scarred face towards them, eyes flinty and unreadable. "Close the door."

Karai saw Leonardo tense at that, but he did as he was told, of course. 

"You two have become much... Closer, lately." Saki pointed out eventually, tapping his fingers on the armrest of his seat.

Karai glanced at Leonardo and saw that he had the same level of understanding about the situation that she did- absolutely none. "Yes, we've... Reconciled."

"Indeed..."

There was something dangerous in the air, like an ax hanging over their heads. She just couldn't tell where it was. 

"Leonardo. I heard about your performance the day I left. Well done, my son."

"T-thank you father-"

"However, I now wish to see it for myself."

"... What?"

The Shredder smiled, his twisted skin pulling grotesquely at the corners, and finally stood up, descending the steps slowly until he was right in front of them. "Yes. You two will spar with me, here and now."

Hot panic coiled around the base of Karai's spine. Neither of them were armed.

Her eyes darted to the side of the throne and saw the soldier from outside her door, watching with a smug grin on his face.

He knew. Shredder knew. And now they were about to be punished for it.

"Step forward, children."

By the end of it, Karai was on the floor, holding her ribs and trying to remember how to breathe correctly. Out of two puffy eyes, she watched the bloody heap that was Leonardo struggle to his feet and escape, leaving red hand and footprints behind.

He'd gotten it much worse than she had. 

* * *

 

The water pouring from the showerhead had gone cold thirty minutes ago, but Raphael didn't care. He was hunched down at the bottom of the stall, staring dead eyed at the inside of his arm as he worked his razor over his skin. The liquid running through his fingers was almost pure red. He'd gone to the shower to have his breakdown to hide the scent of blood, and it wasn't working.

Cut after cut after cut, and the guilt wasn't going away. His arm was swollen to almost twice it's normal size, but when he blinked he could still see the haunted look in Leonardo's eyes, and it made him want to puke. (again.)

_You're a rapist. You're a fucking rapist._

He was supposed to be the good guy. The one that protected people FROM people that... That did that. He wasn't-

' _Get off of me!'_

He choked, gagged into the drain. He was used to hating himself, extremely used to it, but not like this. Never like this. He had no clue how he was supposed to fix this. Because wasn't that just his life? Fuck shit up epically, then try to fix it, and fuck it up even more?

_He's gonna kill me the next time he sees me._

And he'd deserve it. Raph wanted nothing more than to blame anyone else for what happened -Casey, Leonardo- but the truth was that it had been him on top of the other turtle, forcing his legs open, jerking himself off over him.

What was he supposed to do though? How was he supposed to make this... Not like it was?

_'I knew you were a monster. I asked for it.'_

"I just gotta explain," Raph shuddered. "I just gotta..."

If anyone would understand about the beast, about what it did to him, Leonardo would.

_I gotta try._

His family's safety might depend on it.

* * *

Once the others went to bed, Raph snuck out and made his way across town again, to the same building where Leonardo had stolen his Sai. He sat down to wait, stomach in his heart, figuring the other male would find him like he usually did. He just hoped he could explain before be lost his head.

Despite his internal conflict, he was exhausted. He was starting to doze off when he heard the light thump of an impact behind him, jolting him out of his depressed gloom.

Leonardo had showed... So maybe he wasn't as screwed as he thought. But Raph blinked in confusion when he looked around and all he saw was the shadowed rooftop.

"Leonardo?"

Labored breathing emanated from the utility overhang, and there was a scuffle of movement, but no response.

Raph's stomach tightened in momentary unease. A paranoid thought knifed through his brain- what if this was it, the moment he'd been dreading since starting this whole thing?

_Please, don't let it be that._

His body tensed, and he cast his eyes over and around, looking for flashes of silver and silent shadows. All of his anxiety surged back in. If Leonardo had set up some kind of ambush for him in retaliation-

_I fucked up. I fucked up so bad..._

"Leonardo." he said, drawing closer and letting a tinge of annoyance into his voice to cover his unease.

"H-h..."

Raph's heart clenched into a ball, and he edged around the last few inches of the overhang.

What he saw made his teeth snap together. Leonardo was on the ground, loosely curled in on himself and away from Raph's direction. His left arm was coated up to his shoulder in something that gleamed in the dark. The thick scent of coppery iron made Raph recoil slightly.

"Shit!" he hissed, dropping to his knees. "What... What tha hell happened to ya?!" His hands hovered over his prone form helplessly and pathetically, unwilling to touch him and make things worse. He didn't know what to do- he wasn't genius Donnie, or mystical healing guru Splinter; hell, he had trouble peeling the sticky paper off the dollar store Band-Aids.

Leonardo shuddered and jerked away from him, clutching his arm protectively. "D-don't touch me," he snapped thickly, and Raph saw the bloody bubbles popping in his nostrils when he spoke. "I'm fine."

Fine?! Raph let out a slightly hysterical laugh. In what universe did bleeding and barely able to talk qualify as fine? "An' I'm tha fuckin' Queen 'a Scots."

Leonardo tried to struggle to his feet, but slipped and started to fall. Instinctively, Raph reached to steady him. When he pulled his hand away, it was wet.

"Fuck," he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking. Ice had formed in his stomach, a stark contrast to the hot beads of sweat dripping down his neck."We gotta... I gotta move ya." He couldn't help Leonardo like this, out here in the dark where he couldn't see exactly where he was hurt.

He tried to lift him up, but Leonardo hissed and shoved him weakly. "No...just need... a minute..."

"Keep sayin' that dumb shit if ya want," Raph replied gruffly, "but it ain't happenin.' Lift yer arms up."

"Why? Why would you help me?" Leonardo rowled. "I don't... Want you anymore."

It was a good question, and one that Raph didn't have an answer for and didn't really want to think about right then. So he ignored it and bared his teeth in a growl, shuttering his confused emotions behind anger.

"Ya want help'r not?"

He returned Leonardo's glare, and they both held a glowering competition for a good ten minutes before the other male sighed and did as he asked. Raph came behind him and wrapped his arms firmly around his chest, helping him to a standing position. He knew it hurt, but Leonardo didn't make a sound. Blood that wasn't his dripped down his neck.

"Where?" he mumbled, shivering and disoriented. His skin felt colder than usual.

Raph bit his lip and wracked his brain. Now what? He couldn't take him home to Donnie- that would be suicide. He wasn't a good enough liar to pull off the whole 'I just found him and randomly decided to be a good Samaritan' bit. Plus with the amount of blood he was losing, who knew what would come out of Leonardo's mouth when they got there.

And they couldn't stay on the roof. The Foot or the Dragons would find them eventually, but the Foot might not get there in time and he knew for a fact that the Dragons hated Leonardo's guts. They wouldn't hesitate to kill him while he was weak and alone.

"Uuhm..." He needed somewhere secretive, somewhere with a place to lie down, secluded where they wouldn't be bothered...

The answer hit him so suddenly his knees almost gave out in relief.

"I know where we can go," Raph started, "but it's a little ways away. We gotta make a trek."

Leonardo shuddered and swayed against his body, and to Raph's shame he had to fight down a quick surge of arousal at the feeling of their flesh pressed so close together. This wasn't the time to be feeling frisky.

"Where?" he asked again, and Raph shook his head. "Jus' trust me, an' try ta stay awake."

"Tall...o-order..." Leonardo replied. Raph didn't know which part he was referring to, so he didn't answer, even when a shard of pain he refused to acknowledge ripped through his chest.

"Hold on," he muttered, supporting him as best he could as they started the long journey, questioning himself every step of the way.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

He had no damn clue.

* * *

 By some stroke of luck, the soupy sky held off on its threat of drenching them during their walk. By the time Raph could see their destination over the horizon, Leonardo was in bad shape. His head lolled against his shoulder, and every breath sent streams of blood rolling down his side from his unseen wound. His body was a slighter build than Raph, but with no less amount of muscle, and his dead weight was beginning to be a problem.

"Hey," he said, jostling him. "We're almost there. I need ya ta wake up."

Leonardo was dead on his feet (eesh, fuck, not a good description) and his eyes fluttered open when Raph nudged him. He groaned weakly.

"We're... Stopping?"

"Yeah, genius. Two minutes, tops. I just gotta open the window." He moved them forward again, but Leonardo didn't budge.

"Can't..." His voice was barely a whisper.

A thrill of panic shot through Raph like an arrowhead, and he tried to bury it by jabbing at Leonardo's pride, hoping that would provoke a reaction.

"Ya kiddin' me right now?" he huffed. "Heir ta tha Foot Throne and all that bullshit, an' yer gonna check out on a rooftop cause yer feet hurt too bad ta keep moving a few more crummy steps?"

To his relief, he felt Leonardo twitch in his grip and straighten a little. "...bastard."

They limped over to the fire escape and damnear fell into the window of the building. It was darker in here than outside, and the air was thick with dust and mildew. Raph relaxed, but he felt Leonardo tighten in his arms.

"Where'we?"

Raph didn't answer. Instead he steered him to the left, down a long carpeted hallway. "C'mon. This way."

Their breath and footfalls stirred clouds of dirt that scratched their throats and made their eyes water. Leonardo's blood hit the carpet behind them with soft plops, marking their path like a grim Hansel and Gretel trail. The only sound was Leonardo's hard breath in his ear, like a death rattle.

The door swerved out of the shadows so suddenly they almost missed it, different from the ones to the side of it by the huge neon green x painted on the wood.

Raph shouldered it open and dragged Leonardo the rest of the way inside. They stood there for a second while his eyes adjusted to the gloom.

"In here."

Leonardo refused to move. "Where are we?" he snapped as forcefully as he was able, making an obvious effort to speak clearly.

"In a old motel on the south side. M' family uses it as a halfway point. Last time we were here was when the lair was compromised. Ya should be safe here."

Leonardo choked out a humorless laugh. "M-motel? On a b-bed? W-with you?"

"Ya'd rather be bleedin' out?"

"P-possibly."

Raphael gritted his teeth and let him collapse heavily on the bed. He twisted to close the door-

"L-leave it... Open."

"What?"

"Just do it!"

So he did. Turning his back on him, he went to collect the spare first aid kit he knew Donnie kept under the dresser. There was a small portable tap light inside the case, and he took it out to turn it on. A dim yellow glow illuminated the small room, and in it Leonardo's injures were obvious.

There were a few arbitrary scratches across his face, twin trickles of blood coming from his nostrils, and his eye was blackening, but the major problem was his arm.

His shoulder was a mangled mess of shredded skin, split deep in some places all the way down to the white meat. The sheet under his hand was dampening with red.

Ralph had seen worse, but not too much worse.

"Jesus fuck," Raph breathed. "Who did this to ya?"

"L-like you care."

"I gotta stitch this. Yer gonna lose this arm if I don't."

"Don't... want you... Near me. Go away."

"Hard ta double wield without two fuckin' arms, asshole!" Raph snarled in frustration, just barely restraining himself from throwing the med kit at his face. "If ya didn't want my help then why tha fuck didn't ya go ta Bishop?"

To his surprise Leonardo gave a shudder that had nothing to do with pain. "Don't trust him. Never will." He scrunched in on himself. "You...too..."

He was losing blood a gallon a minute, and the sound was wavering in and out of his sentences, which were making less and less sense. Near hysteric, Raph grabbed a large blue bottle and wrenched the cap off. "Yeah well, too bad," he said, "ain't no way I'm taking the blame fer this if you die."

There were no cotton balls in the kit.

 _Fuck_...

"This is gonna hurt," he warned, before upending the bottle so that the acidic shit inside streamed down Leonardo's neck and arm. It frothed and spat when it reached his wounds, pink bubbles foaming up beneath his skin. He braced himself for the screams, but Leonardo only clenched his jaw and spasmed, once, squeezing his eyes shut and breathing hard.

He didn't even flinch when Raph threaded the needle through his flesh with shaking fingers and started pulling it closed, slipping and sliding through the blood spurting from the torn veins with every exhale.

"S-still going to...kill you." Leonardo mumbled, staring drowsily at the wall.

"I'm savin' yer life." Raph growled.

"You're s-saving... your conscience. This is g-guilt."

Raph swallowed harshly. He didn't want that to be the reason, but it might have been. "I didn't do this."

"No," Leonardo laughed, low and delirious. "N-no. That's right. You only...t-tried...to rape me. My mis-mistake."

Raph crushed his lip between his teeth. "I...I wasn't. I mean, I was but...I did, but I wasn't gonna- I wasn't gonna do it for real."

It sounded weak and false to his own ears, so he wasn't surprised when Leonardo rolled his head against the wall and chuckled brokenly. "S-sure...you weren't. And y-you're...supposed to be...the good guy." He inhaled thickly. "G-gaze into the abyss..."

No, NO. He was the good guy. He was. He wasn't his beast.

"It wasn't like that!" Raph snapped loudly.

"Attacked. You attacked me and I almost..." Leonardo shivered, ignoring him. "I almost let you...I swore..." He fisted his hand on his knee. "You're- you're just... like h-him."

Raph exhaled sharply. He was stewing in shame and indignant anger, but morbid curiosity tickled the back of his mind.

Just like him...

Before, immediately after...Leonardo had said _again_.

"Like...who?" Raph said quietly, hardly daring to blink. He didn't really even believe he'd get an answer. But with Leonardo like this, woozy from blood loss and pain...

"S-somebody else...attacked ya?"

Leonardo curled further into the headboard, and his chest rose and fell as he struggled to breathe. It sounded like he was hyperventilating. His eyes were bright and unfocused behind slitted lids, lost somewhere in the past. "Y-yes...no. No. Not attacked. Wish...wish he would have. Wish...could have fought it. I didn't think...never would have...acted..."

He gulped. "Let him in. Let him close. Let my guard down. Like with...you. Never again." He dissolved into shivers, digging his fingers into his leg. "H-hurt. So...so badly. And I c-couldn't s-stop it. Stronger than me. T-took...everything."

"H-how old?"

"Th-thirteen."

Raph balled his hands into fists. "I didn't... I never..." To his own surprise there was a hitch in the back of his throat. He was hoping that Leonardo wouldn't catch it.

"Crying... For me?" Leonardo asked slowly. "I've made...a lot of ...people cry... before. But no-one's ever... cried for me."

"I ain't crying." Raph snarled. "Don't let it go ta yer head. I still hate ya. But it's…"

"N-not fair. I know. The world...isn't fair." Leonardo sighed. "That's what... He said.. When he f-finished with me."

Raph stared, dumbfounded and wordless. He wasn't supposed to be hearing this. He didn't want to see this at all, this reflection of his own fucked up-ness in someone else. He didn't want to know that perfect, privileged, 'Honored child' Leonardo was just as broken inside as he was. It changed something, but he didn't know what, and he didn't want to.

He didn't want to pity the Foot Brat. He didn't want to empathize with him or sympathize or any of those other fucking psycho babble words. Seeing this, it made him feel eight thousand times more like shit for having unburied something so ugly. For the first time ever, he saw that Leonardo had more in common with him than sex. And he didn't know what to think.

He didn't make another sound as he finished stitching up the rest of the ragged wounds, realizing halfway through with a dull stab of shock that he recognized EXACTLY what had caused them, having been on the receiving end of Shredder's gauntlets before.

"Shreddah did this to ya." he whispered. To his own son...he couldn't imagine Splinter ever hurting him or his brothers like that.

Leonardo didn't respond, and Raph saw that he'd fallen asleep, exhaustion winning out over pain. His air hitched in his lungs and his eyes rolled fitfully behind his closed lids, the side of his face streaked with dried blood.

He looked shattered, fragile.

Raph cleaned up as best he could without touching him and tucked himself into the corner furthest away from the bed and stayed there for the rest of the night, hands sticky with crimson and nose full of the scent of iron and pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Sono shimerimashita: So Wet
> 
> Totemo ōkiku: Big, so big.
> 
> DOKO KA NI ITSUTE!: Go away!


	22. Penance (PT 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which decisions are made, and Raph is fit to be tied.

He didn't remember falling asleep. But he sure as hell knew when he was awake- mostly courtesy of the icy chill of the dagger held to his throat.

Raph leaned his neck back as far as it would go until his head touched the wall behind him, meeting the wary brown eyes glaring at him over the blade and willing himself not to panic.

"Move and I open you a new mouth," Leonardo warned lowly. Raph didn't even dare to nod, but his eyes darted to the side when the sunlight caught the still tacky lines of blood on his arm and made it gleam like wet candy. His stitches were even more thick and ugly in the daytime, sticking up in random directions, spiders legs and crusty black projections.

It wasn't clean and pretty like Donnie's work, and there would definitely be a scar, but at least but the wound was clotted and mostly closed and he still had an arm for the scar to be on.

"Where am I?" Leonardo asked, interrupting his internal monologue.

Raph licked his lips with a dry tongue. Confused, suspicious and pissy-not a good combination to be faced with. "Ya got hurt last night." he started slowly. "I found ya-"

"I remember what happened." Leonardo cut him off. He still looked a little disoriented, but his eyes were clearer, and the cold wall of formality was back in place. "That's not what I asked you." He glanced around the room quickly. "Where. Am. I?"

Raph started to say something smart, then remembered that A), Leonardo had a knife to his jugular, and B), he'd only been in the city for a month, not even. Of course, he wouldn't know.

"Tha South side Riviera, room eight. Right off Lincoln and Fourteenth." Raph told him. He watched Leonardo digest his words, damnear hearing and seeing the thought wheels turning in his head. "I stitched ya up," he offered after a minute. "I helped ya."

Those were the wrong choice of words, unfortunately. Something bright and jagged flared in Leonardo's irises, and Raph spared a second to regret even opening his mouth. "Did you help yourself in the process?" he hissed, fingers of his good hand tightening on the handle of the kunai resting against Raph's Adam's apple.

It took Raph a second to realize what he was asking. "No!" he yelped- too quickly apparently, and he jerked back as he felt the blade bite an inch deeper into his neck. His heart was going a mile a minute. "N-no, no. I didn't- I ain't touch ya. I wouldn't."

Leonardo stared at him for a few seconds more. Raphael felt a bead of cold sweat roll down his face. He couldn't read anything in his face- not that he was the best at that anyway, but still. Nothing.

Abruptly, Leonardo snatched the blade away and let Raph slump back, pressing his hands to the small scratch he left behind and breathing more deeply. "Of course you wouldn't. Silly me," Leonardo bit out scathingly, stalking away.

"Yer welcome," Raph coughed while pushing himself to his feet, figuring it was now knife free and safe enough to risk sound like an asshole.

"I didn't thank you." Leonardo returned swiftly. "I'm still debating on whether or not I want to kill you. It might have been safer for you to let me die, 'city saviour' or no."

Raph looked at the sheaths on his back and saw that they were empty. "Yer not even armed." he pointed out numbly.

"I don't need my swords to break your neck." Leonardo hid the kunai back in his belt, noticeably favoring his hurt arm. He held back a wince with some visible effort. "I have to leave," he mumbled, like he didn't just make an offhand (and ungrateful as fuck, really,) threat to Raph's life.

"Hold up, wait-" Raph croaked, standing fully. He almost reached out to grab Leonardo's shoulder but he thought better of it, figuring he really kinda liked having a hand and not a stump. "I wanted ta talk to ya."

Leonardo paused, but didn't face him, instead looking over his shoulder. "There's nothing to say, and you're pushing your luck the longer we stay here."

"Just- just listen. I swear I wasn't... I didn't mean ta..." he swallowed back fluttering, throbbing panic and forced the word out of his throat. "R-rape ya. It's just..." He scrubbed at the back of his head until his eyes throbbed. He felt prickly and warm under his armpits. "Ya weren't listening, an'... An' some really fucked up stuff happened before that, and I...I thought that you giving it and me taking it made me a... Made me a sissy. It ain't fair. And then you started talking shit about my brothers and I just-"

"Lost it." Leonardo supplied suddenly. His expression was still unreadable, tone neutral.

"Y-yeah." Raph mumbled. "Yeah. You saw... You seen what happens. With those punks, and sometimes..." he shuddered. "Sometimes I can't... Stop. It's..." He stopped and dug his fists into his forehead, struggling to get the words past his brain. He didn't know how to say it, to describe the horrible thing living in his heart without sounding cheesy or dramatic. The truth was he'd known about the bloodlust and how that could set it off.

Not so much about the other side. He'd been just as surprised as Leonardo, really. It was a lame excuse, but a valid one.

"I was only tryna scare ya," he said finally, giving up on that vein after nearly two whole minutes passed and he still had no idea how to explain it. "I wasn't gonna do it. I swear. An' now that I know what happened to ya-"

"I'm not asking you to pity me for that." Leonardo cut in again, sharper this time. "I shouldn't have even told you about it," he hissed in a lower tone, probably to himself.

But it made sense now, it did. He still didn't like it, but knowing effectively took all (most) of the indignation out of the situation.

"I just-"

"Are you trying to apologize or not?" Leonardo frowned, crossing his arms tightly.

"I guess I am."

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence.

"Look, if yer done with me I get it," Raph said finally, desolately, deciding to accept that there was no repairing whatever this had been. "This," he flapped a hand, not trusting himself to look Leonardo in the face, "c'n all go back ta the way it was before. But just leave mah family out of it."

Easy come, easy go. Story of his damn existence. But at least he could try to shield everyone else from the fallout.

Leonardo exhaled sharply and chewed hard on the inside of his mouth, uncrossing and recrossing his arms. "I don't know," he said wearily. He shook his head. "I can't kill you. It's more than likely that you kept me from bleeding out last night, and it would be dishonorable to kill someone you owe a debt to." He slid two fingers beneath his mask and rubbed at the center point of his eyes, looking so much like a frustrated Donnie when his migraines kicked in the resemblance was shocking and more than a little creepy.

"Not like that would matta ta you," Raph mumbled. Then he flinched when the words hit his own ears. He hadn't realized he'd let them slip. He wasn't sure why, but he really didn't want to fight right then. But of course, his dumb ass mouth...

"Shit," he said, "um-"

Leonardo, to his surprise, just shot him an exhausted glare. "Honour is everything to me. I wouldn't compromise mine just to kill you for acting like all dogs do. Initially?" He shrugged. "Yes, I wanted revenge for what you tried to do. But like I said before, I knew what kind of monster you were when I sought you out. You saw a weakness and you went for it. I've done the same in the past. With you, actually, just not so dramatically."

"I ain't a monsta," Raph protested weakly. Leonardo snorted.

"Yes you are. I know it, you know it, and I'm betting everyone else does, too." He sighed. "It was just as much your fault as mine, I guess. Poke a mutt with a stick and it bites."

"So what does that mean?" Raph asked brusquely, getting just a teensy bit tired of being called an animal but still not wanting to incite another fight. Reading between the lines, it almost sounded like Leonardo was apologizing in turn. But he'd never been good at reading between lines.

"It means I'm leaving," Leonardo clarified. "Truthfully, I'm tired, I'm in pain, and I'd rather just go home than deal with this. Come back here later and I'll have decided."

"When?"

"I don't know, later. Much later."

Raph did the only thing he could do- nod and watch quietly as Leonardo gathered his weapons. He didn't limp or stumble, but his body was stretched tight with internalized pain that he was using his entire self to hide. It was both obvious and competent at the same time.

Home? Wait.

"Wait- yer goin' back ta tha Foot?" Raph exclaimed, eyes going sand dollar wide.

"Yes, seeing as how that's where I live," Leonardo replied dryly, bracing a foot against the window ledge.

"B-but- Shreddah-" Raph sputtered, gesturing wildly at his arm. "Why would ya-?"

Who in their right damn mind would go back to the place where they'd nearly gotten their limb torn off?

"I don't know what you're talking about," Leonardo deadpanned. "That was the result of a sparring match." He gave a little mocking wave. "Bye, now."

 _Sparring match my ass_.

"Ya would'a had to been sparrin' with a tiger," Raph huffed, bristling at being treated like he was an idiot.

 _Again_.

"I don't know why you care, anyway." Leonardo continued, sounding slightly irritated. "It changes nothing." He looked down swiftly and glanced around the room. Raph followed his eyes to the bed where his communicator sat innocently on the yellowed sheet. He was closer, so he started to pick it up, but Leonardo waved him away. "I've got it."

Raph screeched to a stop and let him pass, angling away so they didn't touch. He felt...uneasy. Unconvinced. It shouldn't have been that simple, but he couldn't put his finger on why. He wasn't stupid enough to question it, however.

Right when he started to leave again, a thought occurred to him and jumped out of his mouth before he could stop it.

"What did ya do ta him?"

Leonardo stilled once again. "Do to who?" he asked slowly, but Raph thought he already knew.

Raph cursed himself and his broken filter, but the sentence was already in the air. "Tha guy. Tha other one. That... Attacked ya. I know ya didn't let him get away with it." stuttered awkwardly. "I wouldn'ta."

Leonardo tapped his fingers pensively on the peeling wallpaper and craned his neck around to look Raph full in the face. He didn't say anything for a while, clearly debating whether to tell Raph anything else about himself.

"I didn't. I waited," he said quietly. "I let him think he got away with it. I let him get comfortable, let him think he could do it again. And when he tried, I ripped his throat out." He paused, and tilted his head before he finished, almost as an afterthought. "With my teeth."

The sun was rising just then, staining the sky line and everything it hit with watery pastel light. They both slitted their eyes against it as it beamed through the window, painting Leonardo's chin and plastron with red and orange and making it look for all the world like he'd just taken a big bite out of someone's esophagus.

Raphael didn't need to look down at himself to see that he was also drenched in bloody color, warm on his cold skin like the real thing. Had he been more of a poetic sap, he would have allowed himself to think that the sunrise was showing them for who they really were.

Leonardo didn't wait for a response, tossing his mask tails over his shoulder with a flick of his head and climbing carefully out of the window, leaving Raphael staring after him, imagining how much sweeter that blood had tasted than anyone else's and wondering what he'd done that was so bad to deserve the Shredder carving a swimming pool out of his arm.

* * *

 

Needless to say, the rest of the day was spent on pins and needles from Raph's perspective. It wasn't enough to trigger an anxiety attack, which he was prone to very rarely, but it was pretty damn close.

The arrangement he and Leonardo had was volatile at best and toxic at worst, but...the thought of having wrecked it made him slightly nauseous. It was scratching itches he'd harbored for years, and having his wants met was more addictive than he'd realized. He didn't know if it was the underlying kink or the challenge or what, but it was stuck in his skin like a burr and growing tougher to dislodge.

There was also the strange and unexplainable phenomenon of Leonardo having put up with him for more than a few days. Maybe (and he was loathe to give it this much credit, particularly after the mess it had gotten him into recently) but he had a sneaking suspicion the reason why he wasn't psyched to throw it all away was because he knew, deep down inside his beast, that he'd never find another person that could deal with him- another sado-masochistic, damaged mutant would be hard to come by, even in New York.

When he got home, he spent nearly the whole day staring at the tv, flipping through channels he wasn't even really watching and ignoring everyone in the house. Luck had Mikey and Donnie visiting Leatherhead a few tunnels away, so at least he wasn't bothered or questioned. The hours ticked by with no change in his nerves, except maybe getting worse as he bounced and jiggled his knee up and down, up and down, up and down without pause. He tried to work on his bike but only managed to focus for about point two seconds and ended up stripping three screws and snapping a drill bit before he finally gave up. He even found himself checking his phone a few times like a dumbass before remembering _hello, stupid,_ Leonardo didn't have his number, and why would he?

Matter of fact, why was he doing this again, perched on the couch like a desperate teenage girl waiting for her crush to call? He wasn't that pressed to get laid again.

...right?

Even still, when 11:30 rolled around and the rest of his family were all snug in their beds, Raph did what he had become accustomed to doing recently- shoved his pride and good sense to the back of his brain, crawled out of bed, and ninja-ed his way through the lair to the tunnels and into the city, back to the old motel.

He saw that Leonardo was there and waiting for him before his feet even touched the soggy roof panels, a light green smudge on the decaying brick. They faced each other under the shelter of the overhang, squinting warily.

There was a fresh white layer of gauze bandage wrapped around Leonardo's arm and a faint aroma of blood in the air. Someone had redone his stitches. He was wearing dark oversized sweat pants, similar to the ones Raph was wearing with his red hoodie, and his swords, but nothing else.

"You're late," he said, as a greeting.

"Ya never said a time," Raph mumbled. His stomach was doing backflips.

"No, I didn't." Leonardo conceded. They paused, gathering themselves. Leonardo's chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh.

"You were right." he began, with the regretful tone and air of a person admitting something resentfully. "I've been a control freak. I haven't let you submit me and then I antagonized you, knowing full well how you are. I shouldn't have expected anything else." He stuck out his hand, looking, shockingly, a little bit on the sheepish side.

The uneasy feeling was back in leaps and bounds, skittering nervously up and down Raphael's spine. He'd triggered something nasty, and Leonardo had promised retribution. It was hard to believe he'd just... Let it go.

But he saw nothing but earnestness in his face, so he told his instincts to shut the fuck up and swung out his own hand, feeling slightly foolish.

"Y-yeah. I'm just glad that- SHIT!"

He jerked his arm back as a sharp lash of hot pain lanced across his skin. When he uncurled his fingers, the reason became obvious. There was a long, thin slice running diagonal on his palm, leaking tiny streams of blood through his emerald knuckles.

He looked back up and saw Leonardo twirling a small blade that he hadn't been holding before, one edge gleaming with red.

"What tha FUCK?!" Raph yelled, cradling his injured fist. Leonardo smiled grimly.

"I meant what I said, here and then." he said. "It was partly my fault, but partly yours as well. You're paying me back for that."

Raph growled thunderously and bared his teeth. "Yer a g-goddamn...psyc-psycho...p-path..." His tongue was rapidly turning into plastic in his mouth, flopping thick and heavy against his teeth. He saw the one turtle in front of him split into two, then three, then...

"W-what... D...id...?"

He forced his swimming eyes to refocus back on the blade, still spinning and dancing in Leonardo's hand. When the light hit it again, he saw an additional color among the red of his own blood, a sickly orange.

 _Poison_...

"It won't kill you," Leonardo confirmed. His voice had an echo that definitely wasn't supposed to be there. "It just makes this part easier."

 _Part_?

By the time he was seeing five separate Leonardos, Raph's head was on the roof, and sleep arrived quickly after that.

* * *

 

Coming back to himself wasn't like any of the times before, a slow, gentle slide back into wakefulness. It was abrupt and sudden this time, like being touched with a wet power line or a defibrillator. Things, thoughts and feelings slapped him upside the head one by one until he was thoroughly nauseous.

Back.

Ceiling.

Mattress.

Soft.

Dark.

Rope.

_Rope? The fuck...?_

"Oh, hey, you're awake. Good."

Raphael rolled his eyes around in the sockets until he was staring at the point where the voice had come from. Leonardo sat cross legged by his side, elbows on his knees, looking down at him with a faint smile.

Two seconds- that's how long it took for Raph for survey his body and realize that there was no leftover paralysis or heaviness from whatever the hell Leonardo had dosed him with, and calculate the force it would take to get his hands around his neck and snap it like a toothpick.

It also took two seconds after he attempted it for the aforementioned rope to make itself known, by way of tightening around his neck the minute his upper body left the mattress and squeezing every last breath from his lungs.

"H- _ **UUUUUGCK**_ -"

"Yeah. I wouldn't do that if I were you." Leonardo said sympathetically. He tilted his head disinterestedly as he watched Raph's eyes bug out of his skull.

Once he could breathe again, Raphael slumped back and twisted, testing his bonds.

His wrists were bound with some kind of thin cord, bent upward and fastened to another rope that had been wound around his neck. He choked at the first gentle tug, realising in horror that he would have to hold his arms up himself or be strangled if he moved.

Tied. Tied. Really, actually tied up, trussed like a dead hog.

_No no no no no no_

He couldn't even bring himself to be panicked. Mostly. Still, he felt as though his blood was shot through with ice, something sick and crawling slamming through his gut. "What 're ya d-doin'... Why'm-" he gasped.

He felt the bed dip low as Leonardo moved and slowly straddled him. His warmth settled on either side of Raph's body, smooth and scalding. He swallowed hard when Leonardo's thighs tightened around his waist, feeling dismayed as he started responding despite himself.

"Shibari bondage technique." Leonardo breathed, propping his arms on Raph's plastron and resting his chin on his wrists, staring right in his face. "Japanese erotic practice. It turned out better than I first thought." He pulled his finger beneath the cord wrapped over Raph's rock like shoulder. "I think this one's called the _Buraindokumo_."

 _Blind Spider_ , Raph's mind translated numbly.

Leonardo smiled and ran his knuckles gently along the top ridge of Raphael's scutes. "I told you that you'd pay me back for what you tried to do. That's part of it, anyway. The other part is sort of a lesson."

"Lesson...?" Raph shivered. Fear was taking hold of his nervous system like creeping poison ivy. But with the addition of Leonardo shifting on top of him, and the realization that he was truly bound and helpless, waiting for pain and pleasure and God knew what else...

Leonardo rolled his hips around the hardening bulge over his slit, making him pant. His arousal had been embarrassingly fast. "I tried to baby step you, but you wouldn't let me. So now we're moving forward. You didn't believe me when I said I'd show you things you've never seen. I'm proving it to you. Just giving you a little... Taste."

"What are ya gonna...do ta me?"

"I'm not going to fuck you, if that's what you're thinking. I'll be the bigger mutant on that." Leonardo explained. "Well, completely, at least," he said, blinking innocently. But there was a vicious twist to his lips that was anything but. The fingers on his plastron turned into nails, blunt and hard and digging into his collarbone.

Raphael ran his tongue around his dry lips, weighing his options. He could struggle, like he really wanted to, even though it wouldn't get him anywhere. Or he could take it, pay his penance for what he'd done.

The thought... The thought did things to him he didn't want to acknowledge.

"Gonna make me beg again?" he rasped.

Leonardo shrugged. "You can, if you want. I'm not going to deny you coming. Do it once, thirty times, or not at all. But it won't make a difference. I'm going to keep you here until I'm done with you. Until I feel better about what happened."

"An' if I get out of this?" Raph growled, flexing his wrists.

Leonardo rolled his eyes. "If you do, feel free to do whatever you want. It's not likely, though. The more you struggle in that, the tighter it gets." He leaned forward until their beaks nearly touched, and they were breathing each other's air. "But please," he whispered, "please fight it." He grinned, and his lips pulled over his teeth. "I LOVE it when you fight me."

Raph gulped, but nothing went down.

* * *

 

He wondered if this is what insanity- real, unadulterated insanity- felt like.

The ring? He'd take the ring. He'd take the ring a thousand times over. The ring was candy, sprinkles, tissue paper. Nothing.

Nothing, compared to being strapped to a bed for the better part of two hours, made and unmade, torn apart and stitched together at the seams.

Again. And again. And _again_.

He'd resisted, at first, but it was hard to resist fully when your arms were crossed behind your head and every movement threatened to strangle you.

Leonardo was having a grand old time, picking him to pieces, tormenting him with his hands, his fists, his teeth. It was endless, never ceasing, never stopping. Pain was pleasure and pleasure was pain and it all mixed and mushed together until he didn't know which way was up and which was down, body pain, bone-deep, a slow burn like the most delicious kind of fire, curling and numbing and singeing his nerves to burnt paper.

He was trapped, forced to take whatever Leonardo gave him as he turned him into a portrait of bruises, a symphony of moans and screams, all while telling him how he'll wear him down to nothing but a nerve, a twitching nerve, a patch of sensitized, scalded skin.

He was somewhere floating, drifting, a weird sort of emptiness where it was just him and the sensations, the feelings, nothing and everything, aroused beyond all rational thought and lost in a sea of feeling where the entire world was reduced to the pure sensation. He'd come three times, untouched, and his cock was still hard and aching, begging for friction, attention, ANYTHING, squirting precome with each twitch.

He jerked and shrieked as Leonardo bit down on his thigh, sinking his teeth in to the root to watch Raphael writhe, the latest in the newest collection of punctures along his body, a slow lighting of teeth in his flesh, a sharp pulse that brought his heartbeat to the surface in blue and purple rosettes.

He pulled away and nuzzled at the blood, smearing it, inhaling it. "Mmm... So good." His irises were nonexistent, swallowed completely by black pupils. He rocked and circled his hips in an almost uncontrollable motion, sucking on his lower lip on every forward press of their groins. "Looks like I finally got you to behave. I might be the first."

He reached out and ran a finger down Raph's leaking cock, pulling a whimper from his throat.

"All mine," he muttered. "All mine. Look at you, so strong, so completely bent." Leonardo smiled in honest delight. His hands traced over dark green muscles, straining and tense. "I wanted to do this since the first time I saw you, you know. You were all big and arrogant and loud. I wanted to hold you down and see how much you could take."

He grinned. "Truthfully, I'm not even mad about you attacking me anymore. Sticker shock, I guess." He flattened his tongue on Raph's neck. "I could have let you go ages ago. But this was just so much fun. And I know you'll try and get me back for this. I'm looking forward to it."

Words, words...where were his damn words?!

"F-fu-fuck...y-you..."

Not bad. It got the point across, at least.

Leonardo tsked like a disappointed teacher. "We'll have to work on that mouth still, I see. For now, though..." He reached behind himself and there was a small rustle. Snake strike fast, he tightened a length of silky grey material between Raph's teeth. Raphael tossed his head and yelled, biting and pushing at it, but the ropes caught at his neck again and the gag didn't budge.

"Want me to blind you, too?" Leonardo asked. Effectively silenced, Raph glared defiantly at him, and he shook his head. "Fine."

Another brief struggle, and then he was blind as well. Immediately, every sense was blown into overload.

Leonardo's voice came through the darkness. "I think you liked this better, if I recall." The weight of his body shifted down and to the side. Raph felt him plucking at the ropes, and then suddenly his legs were being pushed up until his knees touched his chest, exposing his bottom half. Cold fingers smoothed across the skin there and he panicked, bouncing and kicking, pushing muffled grunts from behind the gag.

"Calm down," Leonardo huffed. "I said I wasn't going to do anything."

Raphael ignored him, fighting with the bonds even harder than before, not stopping even when his lungs protested the lack of oxygen.

"You're going to kill yourself. Stop it."

Raph started to cough, and then he heard Leonardo sigh. "I said... stop."

Raph's whole body spasmed as something hard and thin came down on the back of his thigh with a hard CRACK, sending electric sparkles of pain arching over his skin. He let out a shout, feeling the welt forming even before whatever had hit him withdrew, hot and throbbing.

_Did he just fucking-?_

The whiplike thing came down again, this time on his left ass cheek, scrambling his thoughts and almost causing him to choke on the gag. In the same instance, he felt Leonardo grip his cock and pump it, sliding it through his fingers, a counterpoint of ohgodfuckyes to the hot tingles of pain.

He heard a high, grunting moan, and realized it was coming from his own throat.

"Yes, yes yes," Leonardo hissed, shifting again. Slick, wet warmth engulfed the head of his cock at the same time the whip hit and he flinched, whined under the gag, no longer able to control his own body from bucking up into every smack. Leonardo set up an irregular rhythm, sucking and gulping him further down for every stinging lash.

"Mmm-ffmmgg-mmmfh!"

No matter how hard he tried to stay still as Leonardo's blows came down, his body inevitably flailed. His cock bumped the ridges at the back of Leonardo's throat and before too long Raph was huffing and panting, arching his body up for more and bucking his hips like an animal in heat.

Leonardo pulled off with a slippery pop and rubbed harshly at one of his swelling welts, making it burn. Raph felt the saliva and precome dripping from his lips fall back on his skin when he spoke like hot oil.

"You could come just like this, couldn't you?" he asked. "Just from me hitting you." His voice was thickened and deepened, rough. Raph could almost see him despite the blindfold, eyes black, feral and focused. "I wonder what would happen if I-"

Whatever had been hitting him rested gently on the head of his cock, lightly as an insect, and every nerve in Raphael's body shuddered. He squirmed, pushing away and into it.

"You want more, don't you?" Leonardo laughed. "You need to be hurt, either by your own hand or someone else's. You need to be... Useful. You want the pain in your body to match the pain in your head. You try to deny it, but you can't."

He didn't want to agree, but the truthfulness stung worse than the whip. After two and a half hours of methodically peeling away his walls and layers, Leonardo had seen his weakness. Angry tears welled in his eyes behind the blindfold.

Leonardo didn't say anything for a while, musing in silence while he pressed open mouthed kisses to the slowly deflating welts across Raphael's thighs and ass. When they were nearly healed the whip started raining blows again, creating even more to replace them. Every strike inflamed the tissue in his back, which began to object violently to the continued thrashing. He could feel himself growing harder the longer the beating went on for.

This time around the edge of the leather occasionally flicked the base of Raph's cock in a way he knew wasn't accidental at all, and soon the dip in his plastron looked like a lake and hard tremors were rolling through his limbs, warning signs of his impending orgasm.

He didn't want to come like this, exposed and helpless, but there was nothing he could do about it and holy fuck if that didn't make him feel like he was about to come faster-

"Going to do it? Go ahead, I want to see it, I love knowing when I've won."

He felt his hand wrap tight around his length and a broad tongue swipe him from top to bottom. His lungs contracted, pure, flaming white eating away at the edges of his vision as he came seemingly without ending, bleating in a way he'd be embarrassed about later, gushing out over his stomach.

When it stopped, they were both panting and dazed. Raph winced as Leonardo snatched the blindfold away and stared hungrily at him. His slick red tongue curled in, slid under his bottom lip, and then out, lapping come slowly from his fingers. Raph looked down and saw that Leonardo's own legs were streaked with pearly ejaculate, still oozing from his own slit. He was breathing hard and biting on that lip.

Raph's heart broke into a gallop as he saw a flicker of something horribly familiar in Leonardo's eyes- something vicious, demanding, thirsty.

 _A beast_.

"I'm not done with you yet," Leonardo breathed, climbing on top of him once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Nearly six thousand words! To be continued in the next chapter! I'm sorry!
> 
> Please review. More BDSM immediately after, ( with a little surprise at the end, ;-) then a few plot chapters, and then finally, FINALLY, I'll give you some...*shudders* Dom!Raph. Promise.)


	23. Penance (PT 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Leonardo gets a taste of his own medicine.

Right when he thought his situation couldn't get any ( _better_ ) worse, Leonardo went and pulled a blade.

Ironically, Raphael felt himself relax slightly, drifting back out of the subspace and coming back to himself. Knives were more in his comfort zone, truthfully. He had a brief flash of panic for a few seconds, thinking that maybe Leonardo was going to strip him completely and find the razor marks under his armbands, but he suspected that he'd left him with all his gear on as another sort of mind fuck.

Protected, armed, but completely vulnerable. Ha ha ha.

 _Fucker_.

He made his obligatory complaints, muffled and distorted around the wadded material in his mouth. He felt the weight of his sais on his hips, easy to get to- if only he could just-

"It's a good thing we heal so fast, isn't it?" Leonardo mused, placing the blade tip down on Raph's front. "My arm will take a few days, but little scratches and cuts vanish like that."

He flicked it with his finger nail so that it spun like a top, catching and throwing the light from the streets below around the room. It was the same one he'd poisoned him with. Leonardo watched his eyes widen and chuckled lightly. "Don't worry, I cleaned it. Putting you to sleep again would be counterproductive."

His guts curdled in nervousness as he beheld the thing at a closer angle. The knife was the complete opposite of Raph's switchblade. His was short, thick, smooth edged. Simple and straightforward. Meant for anything.

Leonardo's... Not so much.

The thing was tiny, barely more than a slip of flattened metal, a fingertip wide at the most. It was strangely curved at the top and finely serrated, like a sharks tooth. It wasn't made for big, ugly cuts and shankings. It was built for slow, sensual pain and ceremonies, for drawing out every insignificant sensation and making it last for minutes on end.

His throat went desert dry as Leonardo brought it up to rest just under his chin, feeling it's cold touch with every beat of his heart in his jugular. Even still, there was a bizarre, warped sense of… well, not trust as such. But he was at least certain that no matter what, Leonardo was unlikely to kill him until he had his fun.

He must have seen the question in his eyes, and rolled his own. "When I said no marks before, I was referring to the nights where we only had a few minutes." Leonardo explained, tapping the knife against Raph's jaw. "But we have a lot of time, lately. Besides, having the marks last isn't the point right now. It's making them."

He slid the knife in a ticklish path across the skin of his throat and over to his shoulder, scratching lightly with the blunt edge. "Your mask is red," Leonardo observed. Raph couldn't help himself. He rolled his eyes heavily, clearly in Leonardo's view, and got swiftly elbowed in the beak for it. "Don't be rude. There's a point to that." Leonardo chided, back to sounding like a teacher. "Did your master pick it, or did you?"

"Mmmnfffg."

"I guess it doesn't matter. It fits, though." he said. "It suits you. Red like blood. Ironic." Leonardo gripped his mask and yanked it down around his neck like a collar. The same darkness was filling his eyes, raw and dangerous. "But I think I like seeing it other than around your eyes even more."

With that, he dug the tip of the small blade into the line of Raph's shoulder and dragged it around, making him scream hoarsely and buck against his restraints. The serrations caught in his flesh like meathooks and slowly unzipped his skin, plucking every nerve along the way. Individual beads of ruby blood sprang up along the cut, dewing together until they formed one large, shining drop that oozed slowly down his arm.

It was a spike of cold that didn't stop, didn't go gentle but eased in muscle, tendon deep and spread. All that pain that was just a dull constant throb morphed into a blade slicing its way through his entire body, concentrated in that teensy, tiny blade. Raph jerked into it and away, sending a fresh wave searing in a different direction than the last.

Leonardo shivered audibly and pressed his lips to the slice, breathing heavily through his mouth. He brought the blade around to Raphael's other shoulder and made a matching cut, bending his wrist until it ended in a curved spiral around his bicep.

Raphael fought the bonds to escape, trying to roll himself to the side and onto his knees or twist his hips away. Whenever his struggles got too violent Leonardo put the blade back to his throat in a silent threat, and he reluctantly quieted down. It was clear that his wishes had no meaning here. This was happening, whether he liked it or not.

Except... He did.

No doubt, it was wildly different from when he cut himself. So much new pain in one night... So many new ways to hurt and be hurt. Leonardo danced in and around the creases of his body with the knife, carving and scratching whatever he pleased. The air was quickly thick with iron and soon Raphael was more red on the outside than on the inside and they were both splashed and splattered with crimson. The agony was blinding. There was a shiver under his skin, everywhere he touched, muscles pulling in and twitching under the cold press of his blade.

It felt like ice, but the natural heat of his body hiked up every time it came down, making it feel colder each pass.

The awareness that his control had been forcefully wrested away from him hit him in steady throbs in his brain like a heartbeat. Gods help him, it only made him hornier. Raph didn't think it was possible to get hard again so freaking quick, but there it was, stiff and leaking.

And Leonardo wouldn't STOP TALKING, almost like it was his duty in life to make Raphael realize just how helpless he was.

All throughout, he would periodically stop cutting him up and murmur little sweet nothings into the side of his neck about how strong he was, how deliciously muscular, how alluringly he moved, how enticing and unique his eyes were.

And Raph wanted him to shut up, to not sit there and pretend he thought any of it was true. Leonardo was hurting him in a way that had nothing to do with his body. He didn't want to lay there and listen to Leonardo pretend like he cared about him.

He wouldn't have admitted it, never in a million years, but every word melted him just a little.

"You respond so well," Leonardo mumbled, digging the blade into the nook under the ball of Raph's foot, filling the spaces between his toes with warm liquid. He leaned down and locked his mouth over Raph's with a dark, lusty frenzy, kissing him through the gag while his fingers, sticky and slick, coiled around Raph's cock. His pulls were rough, lubricated only by tacky, drying blood that stuck on his turgid flesh. He gurgled gutturally in his throat as his hips started to move without his permission.

He suddenly had a flash of the scene, like he was suddenly looking down on this from outside his own body. Himself, tied to a bed. Leonardo, Shredder's son, stroking him with a delicate hand, like a pet. His pet. Raphael, the hero, the bruiser, the tough guy, panting, mewling, begging for abuse, his legs kicking out helplessly at Leonardo's sides.

"And you called me a slut," Leonardo chuckled, dissatatching from his mouth. "I swear this will never get old." The head of Raph's cock made a small wet noise every time it pushed past the tight ring of his fist. It hurt his pelvis to thrust constricted like that, but it would be unthinkable not to.

Perhaps it was the loss of his voice, or the pain, but the last of his his usual, cocky strength failed him and tears were pouring down his face. Not tears of misery, or anger…from the strain of accepting his powerlessness.

Raphael let out a whimpering moan. Leonardo bent his neck and dragged his tongue across his plastron, swirling and curling random designs in the thin coating of red. Raph watched him through a haze of moisture, unable to stop the shudders jumping through him at the feral display.

Leonardo stopped jerking him right as new reached the peak of another climax, leaving him dry and desperate. Raph let out a noise he wasn't proud of, and Leonardo smirked. "I'm sorry. I know I'm being unfair. I said I wouldn't stop you from coming. But you look so good like this."

Leonardo moved back to admire his work, and apparently found it pleasing. "Isn't this so much easier? Not having to lead anyone, or command, or be judged. All you have to do is lay here and let me do what I want to you."

The blade was back, skating across his still tender thighs and just barely missing his tail. The other cuts were closing even as those opened up. He was being hurt and pleasured to death and his traitorous body was screaming for more. Everything was going red and black and he couldn't breathe. All intelligent thought was gone. No more jokes, or snide remarks, or pondering on what was becoming of his life. There was only one pervading scream in his head.

But Leonardo was right. All the pain of his insecurities were gone. The weight of expectation from his father was gone. The normal, everyday pressures of being the fake leader, the second son, the replacement was gone. The ever growing fear that maybe all this drinking and cutting and adrenaline chasing might (just might) be a problem. The knowledge that he would probably only ever be a screwup in his family's eyes…

Leonardo didn't care what he was, or what he thought he was. All he wanted from Raph was to lie still while destroyed his body in the most glorious way.

"Do you get it now?" Leonardo huffed. He tugged the damp gag free, and Raph nodded viciously.

"You want to stop?"

Raph shook his head frantically, his chest wracking itself with barely hidden sobs. He was spiraling down, down, down, into a darker world that he wasn't sure he wanted, but knew he wouldn't stop it if he could.

_Don't stop. Don't stop or I'll fall apart._

The words crashing around in his head were so... So slutty and wanton. So not him. He couldn't believe he was thinking them. He felt dirty and used.

_Oh, God. What the hell did he do to me?_

But it felt so good... So good to just...

Stop. And...

Feel. And...

Hurt. Freely.

"H-h-how're y-you d-d-oin t-this?" he stammered, jaw sore and aching from being held open for so long. "H-h-how're y-ya m-makin' it f-feel s-so-?"

"Good?" Leonardo finished. Raph didn't know whether he was asking or supplementing the word. "Trade secret." He shimmied back up and left little butterfly kisses along Raph's throat. He gripped his sides with his knees and lowered his body until his back end was directly over his slit. Raphael could feel the heat pulsing from him and the thick splatters of moisture dripping down onto his cock, damnear sense his opening pulsing above his head.

"How much do you want me?" Leonardo hissed. "You don't know what it feels like, but I do. How much do you want my hole surrounding your cock in delicously tight heat? How much do you want your hands free to grab my hips and slam your cock into me?"

Raphael strained with everything in his frame to force himself upwards, to gain that last little bit of distance, but he couldn't.

Leonardo laughed and moved away again. "Tell me you're mine."

"N-n-no..."

He felt the blade's icy touch at his gland, slipping in the wetness surrounding it.

"Do it."

"Nuh-"

Circling his hole-

"Say it."

The word came out little more than a gasp, a breath pushed out of his lungs, and the blade-

Right at the base of his-

"Igetit! Igetit Igetit ahm...ahm y-yours!"

"Was that so hard?" Leonardo huffed. "And to think, all I had to do was threaten your manhood. I swear you're the most difficult person I've ever had to tame. Again."

Raphael felt like screaming. Humiliated, hurt, bent, broken... The pain was adding to the experience, but was slowly morphing into pleasure. The pain wasn't pain anymore, it was… domination.

"Again, Raphael."

"Ahm... Yours."

"Again."

"Yours!"

"Again!"

"YOURS!"

His howl was still ringing in his ears when Leonardo finally removed the blade and jammed it into the headboard of the bed, centimeters away from the side of Raphael's face. "That's right." he said tenderly. "Mine. Before I'm yours, you're mine."

_Don't cry. Do not fucking cry._

"I swear, " Raph promised, choking on the hitch in his voice. "Ah swear ahm gonna kill ya one day."

Leonardo pulled yet another knife from somewhere on his belt and waved it tantalizingly over Raph's eyes. "You react so nicely to this. I know you won't object to more."

He angled the blade for Raph's shoulder again, but this time his knee came up to nudge hard at Raph's groin, and he lurched. Leonardo grunted and steadied himself. "Come on, now. What was that for?"

Raphael stilled, froze, but not from compliance. When he flinched, the knife had been beneath the cord around his left arm.

He'd heard the small snap of the line being cut. Leonardo hadn't.

"Shhh... You're alright. You know that." Light arched off the blade and it started to slice into his skin. Raph groaned and jerked. The ropes started to strangle him again, but there was a noticeable difference in them, more slack than before. Slowly, he tugged at the ones securing his wrists, feeling them give a fraction.

The next ten minutes went thus- cut, wiggle, cut, wiggle, cut, wiggle wiggle wiggle. Once his wrists were mostly free, Raphael held them together so Leonardo wouldn't notice and worked on his ankles until those were all but loose as well. The cords were still tight enough to leave rope burns, but it didn't matter.

Finally, his limbs were free enough that he was certain he could get out of the bondage in five or so seconds. But Leonardo was still on top of him and still very much in control. One press of his fingers and Raph would be as incapacitated as before, ropes or no. He had to play this smart.

He started to fight again, and pretended that the ropes were still choking him. He ignored Leonardo's attempts to get him to stop and kept struggling until he pretended to pass out. He heard Leonardo sigh heavily above him.

"Seriously?.."

He felt the ropes around his neck being worked, loosened even further, and the ones on his body falling free in turn. It was hell trying to keep his muscles relaxed and not tense from anticipation.

He knew the moment Leonardo found the edge of the cut rope because he heard his breath catch, and his little murmur of confusion.

"What the-? AH-!"

He yelled out as Raph suddenly exploded into motion, hooking his leg around his back and flipping their bodies. He put a hand on Leonardo's shell and shoved hard to make sure he landed on his stomach and out of range of any dangerous pressure points.

"Oof-!"

The lighter turtle landed straight on his face. Moving on instinct, Raph reached between Leonardo's legs and grabbed his hands, pulling them to his ankles and forcing his ass into the air in a generic submission hold. He squirmed, of course, and Raph thanked genetics, the universe, whatever had insured that he came out physically larger than Leonardo had.

"Let me go." he demanded, sounding extremely dignified for someone in his position. Part of Raphael (the part still reeling from his earlier treatment) wanted to obey, release him and kneel down again like a bad puppy caught misbehaving. He had to literally shake himself and shove that thought somewhere down around his toes.

He suddenly began to feel strong again, his mind surfacing quickly from the mire of pain and subspace he'd sunken into. "No," he snarled.

Leonardo made a small sound that could have been a laugh, if his lungs were a little less compressed. "Well, congratulations. You freed yourself. Now what, Hamato?"

Raph blinked and paused, drawing a blank. He wasn't, actually... sure. That had been a spur of the moment thing. He hadn't planned on it working.

"Uh..."

"Brilliant."

"Shut up," he snapped, and Leonardo snorted, shifting uncomfortably beneath him. The movement drew Raph's eye to his semi raised tail, and the glimmer of copious wetness adorning the backs of his thighs. Past that, his erection was jutting out from his slit, hard and flushed. His own cock twitched at the musky smell of it.

Leonardo had been getting off on hurting him, on controlling him. He was as turned on as Raph was.

_Son of a bitch._

Trancelike, he reached out to touch, and Leonardo instantly tensed. "What are you doing?"

"Anythin'..."

"What?"

"Anythin'." Raph muttered again. He rubbed the pad of his finger along the underside of Leonardo's tail and felt a tiny tremor go through it. "Ya said if I got outta those ropes, I could do anythin'."

Leonardo was quiet for a split second, and then he shrugged as much as he could. "Yeah. I did."

"I got out," Raph illeterated, and Leonardo huffed in response. "Technically I cut the rope, but-"

Raph growled and gripped his tail, hard. "Ya... said... Anythin'."

Leonardo laughed, but it was a strained, nervous sound. "You think I don't know what you're implying?" he sneered. "I know what I said. I'll stick to it." He shook his head, and Raph felt him brace himself. "Go ahead, Monster. Do it. Give me a reason to finally kill you. At least you won't die pure." He stopped, and tilted his head. "Actually, no. Tell you what. If you can get away after, I'll let you live, no hard feelings. But you won't," he added darkly.

It sounded like permission, but...

_Do it, dumbass, do it!_

He was hard, so fucking hard, and Leonardo was under him and wet and he could do it, just push in and fuck him over and over and over and-

 _YES_!

Wait-

He could. He could, but then-

Then what?

Leonardo would hate him all over again. Even if he did get away afterwards, Leonardo would still hate him for it, even if he didn't act on it.

And that's what he expected. He expected Raph to do just that, climb on and take what he wanted. Prove to the both of them that he was nothing but a mindless monster, nothing but his stupid beast.

"What are you waiting for?" Leonardo snapped. "Just do it and get it over with."

Shit, he wanted to, if only just to shut him up. But-

"If you're not going to do it then let me up."

It was a test. A test he was going to pass.

"I ain't."

"... What?"

Raph bared his teeth when Leonardo turned his head to shoot a quizzical look at him over his shoulder. "I ain't gonna do it."

Leonardo narrowed suspicious brown eyes at him. "Liar," he spat.

Raph gave an ugly snort and shook his head. "Nope. I'm not. I don't want ta. Yer from the Foot." He pretended to shudder. "God knows where you've been. I wouldn't wanna fuck you or yer crazy sister. Next thing I know, my dick is fallin' off."

Leonardo's eyes widened in shock and indignation. "You son of a- _nnnngnm_ -" His next word cut off, partly because his face was smushed unforgivingly into the bed, and partly because Raph leaned forward and swiftly sucked his tail into his mouth. He rolled it along his tongue and scraped his teeth on it before releasing it and Leonardo's neck. The black masked turtle was panting slightly, blinking hard.

Smug pride warmed Raphael's chest, and he smiled evilly. Leonardo wasn't the only one who could be a tease.

Time for a little revenge.

"Ya said it yerself, ya been with others." Raph said, sounding disinterested, even as he played roughly with the flexing appendage in his fist. "That makes ya a slut ta me."

Leonardo started to reply, but broke off with a startled yelp when Raph sank his teeth into his tail and then his ass cheek in quick succession.

The small noise quickened his blood like a shot of heroin, leaving Raphael yearning for more.

"Ya don't want my cock?" he growled. Leonardo glared at him hotly, refusing to answer. Raph fisted his mask and yanked it down around his neck, jerking it back until he was coughing.

"Huh? Ansah me, slut!"

"No," Leonardo gasped. "Don't... Want... You. Monster."

Raph released him. "Fine. I ain't gonna give it to ya."

He bent down and started licking and lapping the sticky sheen of gland moisture from his skin, purposely avoiding his slit, tail, and entrance. Leonardo didn't make any noises, but his muscles twitched erratically under his skin and his teeth were working hard on his lower lip.

"Ya don't want me," Raph said, "but ya want somethin', don't ya?" He grinned. "Sluts always do. Yer soakin' wet."

"Bastard," Leonardo spat. "Rapist, bastard- Ah-!"

Raph swiped his tongue along his crack and slapped his hand down hard. When he lifted it, there was a red mark. Leonardo jerked back, unconsciously pushing himself into Raph's face. If he didn't know any better, Raph would have thought he heard the beginnings of a whimper spilling from his mouth.

But that couldn't be, could it?

"Ya can dish it out," he snickered, rubbing where he'd struck. "Be a shame if ya couldn't take it."

"Please," Leonardo huffed. "I think we've proved I can more than handle you."

Raph blushed and spanked him again, twice, leaving him shaking. "Yeah. But I'm handlin' you now, ain't I?"

"Hardly. I can barely feel that." Leonardo retorted. "You're embarrassing yourself. Just let me up."

"Such a damn liar," Raph hissed, prodding at his swollen gland. "Lyin' little brat." There was something incredibly gratifying in the way he was shuddering, but he remembered how Leonardo had made him howl.

He moved his face down and allowed himself a small twinge of panic. Like so much of what was happening, he had never done this. He didn't have experience or expertise, and he didn't want to give himself completely to his instincts.

In the end, he decided to close his eyes, stick his tongue out, and go for it.

He circled Leonardo's clenching entrance a few times with the tip of his tongue, testing. It wasn't like Leonardo's mouth, or even like having his cock in his throat. It was strange, but not bad strange, lava hot against his lips. He brushed Leonardo's tail out of the way (easy, since it was curling over his back anyway) and set to making him even wetter than he was, flicking up and down and all around.

By the time he came up for air, Leonardo was freely whimpering, jaw clenched and hands balled in the sheet. It was good, but it wasn't enough. Raphael wanted screams.

"What'dja say 'bout not feelin' it?" he rumbled. "Cuz I'd say ya can."

Leonardo shook his head and swallowed hard, breathing through his nose. He made a long, irritated sound through his clenched teeth, a moan and grunt and hiss all rolled together. "I'll bet... you wouldn't dare... go further."

Well, who was he to turn down a challenge?

"How 'bout ya shut up and watch me?"

"How about you make me?" Leonardo shot back. Raph gritted his teeth and spanked him once more, relishing his sharp, angry noise, less embarrassed and more confident by the second. As soon as he lifted his hand he wormed his tongue back into Leonardo's entrance, feeling him compress and flutter around him.

"Ah, f-!" Before the word could escape, Leonardo pushed his face into the bed and visibly held back his reaction. "No, no, no," he groaned, and mumbled something foreign, but it wasn't a wholehearted refusal, so Raph didn't stop.

Raph slathered his fingers with spit and moisture and dug them into his spasming hole. He went to town, holding him open while he sucked and nibbled. All the while, Leonardo held back, refusing to do more than shiver and whimper, not giving him the satisfaction of anything else.

And then- oh god, and then it happened. He shoved his tongue in as far as it would go and Leonardo finally snapped, broke and lost his self control, like a machine falling apart, springs and coils flying all over. He shrieked and humped back against Raph's face, squeezing his eyes shut and pouring a long, filthy moan into the single damp pillow under his face.

It was beautiful to watch, better than a sunset. It made him harder and wetter, the knowledge that Leonardo was so hot for him. That he could melt his cold reservedness. It made him jolt, deep inside, made something warm and uneasy and hungry wake up and take notice.

"There it is," Raph rasped, pushing a finger in to replace his tongue so he could talk. Leonardo's gland was throbbing like an open wound under his tail, smearing sticky kisses across the backs of his knuckles when he shoved in and out.

His cock was aching, rock hard, but he ignored it in favor of the show in front of him.

"God, fuck, yer so fuckin' tight," he groaned. "Make that noise again." He crooked his fingers, searching. Not yet. He kept going, twisted his hand and pushed a little deeper. He felt something under his nails and pressed down on it.

"Damn you," Leonardo moaned. "Damn you, damn you-! Uh! _Uuuhnn_..."

The 180 was dizzying. He'd gone from helpless and tied to in control, and he didn't know which situation was better. It was hard to believe, but extremely intoxicating. Filthy words streamed from his mouth, vindictive and awful.

"Ahm still not gonna fuck you. That's what ya want, right? So ya can kill me later?" he asked.

" _Okubyōmono_ ," Leonardo gasped. "C-coward. Y-you're hard. Y-you want it."

The beast bristled at the insult and the goading, but Raph wrestled it back under control. He pulled his fingers out and Leonardo whined at the loss, but his canines showed in a mocking sneer. "I kn-knew it. Coward." he laughed.

Raph snarled and burrowed his nails into his ass, making him hiss and cringe. It would be easy. So easy, just to do it, but he was committed to passing this test. It looked like he was screwed either way.

His eyes darted to the side, as if the answer was somewhere hiding in the room. The only thing he saw was Leonardo's swords propped against the nightstand, and one of his sais on the ground, knocked free from his belt in the earlier struggle...

...and slowly, an idea occurred to him. He stared at the weapon, particularly the hilt.

The long, cylinder shaped hilts.

_Oh...yeah._

Perfect.

_We'll see who's the damn coward._

He reached over and grabbed his sai, flipping it so the blunt edge was turned into his palm and the hilt stuck out of his hand.

"What the hell are you-?!"

_Don't answer, don't think about it, just do it. Do it!_

He didn't say anything (he didn't know what the fuck he'd say if he had). Instead, he simply placed the end of the hilt against Leonardo's loosened hole and pushed until it slid in, all the way to the bracer.

Leonardo screamed- or started to. The sound building up in his throat suddenly cut off, like he'd been beheaded. He dropped his head onto the bed and heaved from underneath Raph, nearly throwing them both from the bed. The hilt started to slip out, and Raph shoved it right back in without pause, watching his puffy entrance swallow the slick length of his weapon.

It was the single most hottest fucking thing he'd ever seen.

"Yer such a brat," Raphael huffed. "Spoiled little brat, used ta gettin' what ya want from yer daddy. Wonder does he know how much of a slut ya are."

He pumped his wrist, thrusting the wide hilt deeper into the turtle under him. Leonardo keened and finally ripped his hands out of Raph's grip, but he didn't try to get away. He thrashed, arching his back as much as his shell would allow and clawing at the headboard, grunts falling from his mouth like they were being fucked out of him.

"Y-you're...one... t-to...t-talk," he moaned. "W-what...w-would...M-master V-vermin...s-say?"

He couldn't take it any longer. Raph forced his weeping cock into the space between Leonardo's legs, jacking his hips in time with the movements of his hand, pummeling the hilt of his sai into Leonardo as hard as he could. He reached around and grabbed them both in his fist, and they both moaned in sync.

It was a relentless march towards the end that didn't last long. They were both far too wound up to drag it out. Raphael felt it coming, white-hot tension tingling through his entire body, tip to toe. He groaned and grit his teeth, clenching his fists. He stared down, trying to burn the image into his retinas.

He came first, harder than any time before, his cum spraying high enough to paint the headboard. Leonardo shook and pulsed in his grip a followed a few moments later, crooning, tightening so much the sai slipped from his body and clattered onto the floor.

They lay there like that for a long while- exhausted, dirty, sated- until, just like always, Leonardo rose to leave.

He pressed a small kiss to Raphael's forehead and smiled while he buckled his weapons. "Forgiven," he said simply, sweet as pie and dripping evil. He reached down to caress Raph's flaccid cock, making him shiver. "If you ever try to force me again, I'll cut it off."

Raph blinked and nodded drowsily.

"Once again, you surprise me. I'm so glad I decided to cut that rope."

He was falling asleep at that point, so the last sentence might have been his own imagination. He turned over when he heard the window slam shut.

For the first time in his life since he was a kid, he went to sleep like that and didn't dream of hurting those be loved or himself.


	24. Parallels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which April screwed up, Donnie and Mikey start asking questions, and Karai gets an idea in her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any typos, my phone updated it's keyboard. *facepalm* I tried to catch them all.

"When did you join? The Foot Clan, I mean."

The girl on April's couch shifted and squirmed. Jack forced a thick kink of brown hair behind her reddened ear and stared down into her lap for a few seconds before she answered. "Um...two years ago. Right after I turned eighteen."

"How?"

"What?"

April glanced up from where she was scrawling shorthand in her notepad and adjusted the position of the tape recorder in her palm. "How? How did you find out about it?"

"O-oh." The girl shrugged sharply. "We were orphans-"

"We?"

Jack flinched, and April immediately felt bad. "Yeah. Me and...and my brother." Her voice dropped to a low, ragged whisper. "Josiah."

April swallowed and turned off the recorder. "I can't use his name," she said gently. "It could be dangerous for you, if-"

"They connect me to him. Right." Jack deadpanned, clearing her throat. "I got it." Her tone was back to guarded and gruff.

April chewed on her lip. "When this is over," she said, "Karai and everyone who's a threat will be in jail. We can get justice for your brother then, without fear of backlash."

Jack didn't answer, only continued to stare down at her hands. April had to prompt her again. "So...how did you find out?"

"They have recruiters that go around," Jack said, "to places where kids are. Homeless shelters, boys homes. Orphanages. Places where people go when they don't have any choices."

"Do those places know what's happening?" April asked, startled. Jack nodded. "Yeah, some of them. The Clan breaks them off pretty nicely in return."

"Unbelievable," April hissed. Her lip curled in disgust, and she shook her head. "What happened with you?"

"I aged out. My place, in Hell's Kitchen...they couldn't keep anyone past voting age. Jos-my brother was fifteen. I didn't want to leave him behind...I couldn't." Jack bit her lip. "He was all I had."

April let her silence encourage her. She reached up to tug hard on her ear, and the redhead realized just how young she was, despite being 20 to April's own 28. "Then one day...this guy in all black shows up and starts creeping around. Just watching everybody. He never said anything. Well, he asked a couple of people some questions, but mostly he just watched us."

"And then?" April prodded, scribbling furiously.

Jack watched her apprehensively, following her hand with her eyes. "A week or so after that, the matron called a bunch of us in the office and told us we'd been selected for a special program. It was run by a super rich guy and we wouldn't have to pay for anything. He said we'd learn things, and be totally different people, working for the good of the city."

"You didn't...question it?" April asked slowly, praying she didn't accidentally insult her.

Jack's eyes hardened, and her voice tightened. "Look, we were seconds away from being street kids. We didn't have anything. This guy said we'd have hot meals and our own beds. He said we'd be taken care of, and...and they said we'd be serving something greater than ourselves. He said he would transform us." She curled her hands into fists. "If I would have known... I would have just been a street kid, a million times over. At least I'd still have m-my brother." The pain was evident in the slump of her shoulders.

She dug her palms into her eyes, and shook her head. April's heart contracted in her chest, and she started to put her pen down. "We can stop, or take a break, if-"

"No," Jack growled, giving her head a hard shake. "No. I said I'd do this. I have to do this." She removed her hands from her face and pulled her thin legs into her chair, against her chest like she was protecting herself from attack.

"We started right away," she continued, and April scrambled to get her words down. "Basic training was... brutal," she shuddered. "There were forty people in my class. By the end only half of us were left to graduate."

"What happened to those that didn't make it?" April asked. Jack shrugged.

"They ranked us. If you survived the tests and the sparring exams, but your rank was low, you automatically washed out."

"What does that mean?"

Jack smirked humorlessly. "Can't have the failures walking around and spilling the beans to people, right?"

A cold feeling knotted in April's gut. "They killed them?" she whispered.

Jack shook her head. "No. That would have been better though. There's this lab rub by this creepy doctor. I only saw it once. The stuff they do in there..." Her gave paled a shade. "Horror movie. It's crazy. They'd take the washouts there late at night, and the next morning they'd be gone. A few weeks later they show up on the streets, screaming about aliens. They... Do something to them. Something to their heads."

"A lab..." April murmured, then Jack mumbled something that made her grab eyes flick upwards again. "Huh?"

"It happened to my friend Sherry." Jack repeated sadly. "She didn't cut it. She was my roommate. One day I woke up, and she just...vanished. Later I saw on the news that a homeless girl had jumped in front of a train on the subway. It was Sherry."

April closed her eyes, stunned. "Do you remember the doctor's name?"

Jack frowned. "Um...something with a B. Baker..."

"Bishop?" April rasped hoarsely, feeling her throat dry up and stick on his name. "Was it Bishop?"

"Yeah, that sounds right," Jack said, puzzled. "You know him or something?"

April swallowed hard and tried to force her skin to stop crawling. "He... I... Yeah. You could say that." She shook herself. This was about Jack, about taking down the Foot Clan. No about her. "Let's get back to the story, alright? Can you tell me more about the training?"

Jack nodded. "Like I said, it was brutal. Like something out of an old samurai movie. The whole Tower is a compound for training an army. Jos- my brother was in a completely different age group than me. They keep the girls separated from the boys until the advanced levels, so I hardly ever saw him. They tell you that the Foot Clan is your only family."

She exhaled. "They taught us how to fight... How to kill. They wanted us to practice on each other. They were turning us into soldiers and assassins. If you had a high rank, you were practically begging to be stabbed in the gut at night. There was sabotage everywhere." She shook her head in remembrance. "So many people were killed. Some of the prettier girls were chosen for seduction training, whether they wanted it or not. One of them, Nyre... She was a virgin. We found her crying one night."

April pressed a hand to her rolling stomach. "And the people in charge? The more names the better."

Jack sighed. "We didn't see Karai or any of the other Elites that much. The boys were taught by this guy named Kuo, and the girls were taught by a woman named Lila. We had to call them Commander. Whenever Karai did show up, she just beat the hell out of us and left. She loved to humiliate us."

"Did you ever see the Shredder?" April asked.

Jack pulled some skin on her lower lip. "Only once or twice. They worship him. It was horrible. He makes the whole room feel... cold."

"Yeah," April agreed quietly. "He does."

Jack gave her a questioning look, and April chose to ignore it rather than respond. "I think we're done for today, Jack."

"Are you sure?" Jack stuttered. "I mean-"

"It's fine, it's fine," April assured her. "It's...-"

She caught the clock out of the corner of her eye and had a mini panic attack. Casey was coming home with Cody any minute now, and she still had her Foot Clan contact in the living room.

"-you've given me so much. This is an excellent start. I have to organize it and compile it but," she said, gesturing at her notepad with hands that only shook a little, "this is fantastic."

"And you swear that this will put them in jail?" Jack asked again, and April nodded quickly. "Yes. Once this story comes out, no one will ever after to be afraid of the Foot Clan ever again."

Reassured, the girl stood up and moved towards the door. "When should I come back?"

"Er...probably next week. I'll call you, don't worry." April followed her and opened the door to let her out.

"Jack?"

She paused. "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say thank you again," April said earnestly. "I can only imagine how hard this is for you." She placed her hand on her shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. "But I promise I'll do everything I can to make it right for you and your brother."

Jack looked down at her hand and gently moved out from underneath it. She left without another word.

April closed the door quietly behind her, then slowly let her knees unlock and slid down to the floor. She wrapped her arms around her legs and propped her chin on her jeans, shivering. The enormity of what she was doing had finally caught up to her, after listening to Jack's testimony. She'd known the Foot were horrible, but hearing a first hand account of what they did to children...

Tears pricked her eyes. All of this was bringing back her memories of the times the Foot Clan had tried to ruin her life. She expected it to some degree, but still. It wasn't pleasant. The worst part was likely the secrecy, keeping it from everyone and watching her back every time she left the house. Even here, in her own front hall, she felt cold, masked eyes on her, waiting for her to slip up.

But imagining the look on Karai's bitchy, pointed face when the iron bars slammed shut in front of it steeled her resolve and brought her to her feet again. She fixed her ponytail and rubbed the cold sweat off the back of her neck, inhaling deeply. Now was not the time to cower. She couldn't back out now- she was in too deep.

When Casey finally arrived home, she was hunched over the computer, typing madly away at the keys. She didn't even hear him opening the door and coming in the apartment, or even calling her name until he'd done it for the third time.

"- _pril_! Are ya even listenin' ta me?!"

April jumped a mile in her rolley chair and looked up to see her husband with an armful of squirmy five year old staring at her like she'd just grown a second head. "Huh? Oh! Casey! I didn't hear you come in!"

"Ya goin deaf or something?" Casey grumbled. "I been standin' here fer five minutes."

"I'm sorry." April said, apologetic. "Were you saying something?"

Casey frowned. Before he could respond, Cody wiggled free of his father and ran over to her, clambering up into her chair. "Hi, mama."

April gave a tired smile and kissed him on the nose, making him giggle. "Hi, pepper pot." She looked down at the toddler and wrinkled her brow at the strange outfit he was dressed in. "What in the world are you wearing?"

Cody actually rolled his eyes. "My Indian costume!"

"Indian..." Puzzled, drawing a blank, April turned to Casey, who if possible looked even more disgruntled. "His play? At tha school?" he huffed. "Tha one we talked about this mornin'?"

"You missed it..." Cody piped up, face falling slightly. "You promised you'd be there."

April put a hand to her head and squeezed her eyes shut, pushing a hard breath of air between her teeth as realization dawned on her. She picked up her phone, and cringed when she saw the time. It was almost eight o clock. Jack had left six hours ago. "Shhhhh...-" she cut off the curse. "I'm sorry, baby. Mommy was working."

That answer didn't satisfy her husband. "I called ya at least eight times." Casey broke in. April shot an exasperated glance at him. "Casey, I was working."

"Yeah, I know."

April bit the inside of her cheek and looked back down at her child. "I'm really, really sorry. Hey," she said, bouncing him and trying for brightness, "how about we get some ice cream?"

"Already did it," Casey spoke up flatly. "We said we'd do that this mornin', too. The place is already closed."

 _Well, shit._ April forced herself not to grit her teeth as her heart dropped into her stomach.

"Code, go get changed fer bed." Casey said finally.

"What about a story?" Cody asked.

"Brush yer teeth and pick one out. I'll be there in a minute. 'M sure mommy's got a bunch more work ta do right now."

April clenched her fists against the surge of hot guilt as Cody slid out of her grasp with a nod and toddled to his room. When he was out of earshot, she turned to face her husband, who crossed his arms tightly.

"I know, I know," April sighed, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry, alright? I really was working."

"That's what ya keep sayin', anyway." Casey grunted.

"And just what is that supposed to mean?! I'm not the only one!"

"Yeah, I run a fucking trucking company but I still remember ta take my damn son to his first play."

"I am a reporter! If I don't write stories our bills don't get paid!"

"I don't ever see ya! Cody never sees ya! Yer never home, ya don't answer when I call ya- either ya took some vows to that computer or they're breakin' some hella labor laws at that paper."

"What do you want me to say?" April snapped.

"I want ya to say you'll pay attention to yer freakin' family! Yer missing everything, sneakin' around. If I didn't know any better-"

"You better not be trying to accuse me of anything, Casey Jones." April said in a chilly tone. "Not you. Not after _Carly_."

Casey went red and raked a hand through his slick hair. "I already told ya it wasn't like that." He shook his head and held up his hands, surrendering. "Lemme know when yer ready to have a family again."

He slammed the office door on the way out, leaving the doorjamb and April shivering in his wake.

* * *

 

Patrol was going pretty well, especially taking into account how strange the night before had been.

"Wrap em up and call the cops," Raph ordered, gesturing at the pile of bruised, half conscious jewelry store thieves at their feet. He started holstering his sai and immediately had to fight down a blush while his brothers finished tying the punks up, remembering with a feeling like a kick to the gut what the weapon had been used for not twelve hours earlier.

Now he couldn't even hold his damn blade without thinking about-

_And I bet he knows it, too, the bastard._

He was hard pressed now to go even fifteen minutes without thinking of the other male, catching relays of the time they spent or thinking wantingly of the next night they'd meet.

He'd woken up alone in the motel room as usual, and the first thought that had Cons to his mind was what an asshole. Initially he'd sworn that if he ever saw the Elite again he'd put a blade between his eyes.

On the heels of that thought was how amazing that had been. He'd never felt so complete before in his life, or so... balanced.

_I need this so much._

The sleep following his "punishment" had been the best of his life. Matter of fact, his sleep was completely dreamless, warm and black and blessedly silent. The only other time he'd gained that effect was with some kind of drug.

(It was only once, eight Tylenol dropped back one after the other and he'd always had a sneaking suspicion that he'd really overdosed, and only mutant healing had woken him up in the morning and saving him from walking the green mile, so to speak.)

He was starting to think that maybe Leonardo himself was the drug, like black tar heroin in his veins, sticky and dark, detrimental but impossible not to indulge in.

_Being an alcoholic might be safer, shit._

"Raphael?"

"Hey, earth to big bro!"

A hand waving in front of his face brought him back to reality from where he'd been staring into the street light above his head. He jerked and met Donnie's confused gaze, and Mikey's smirk, hoping the dark concealed the blush trying to crawl over his cheeks.

"Sorry," he muttered, knuckling the back of his head.

"Are you alright?" Donnie asked. He started to say something else, but Mikey cut in with an obnoxious giggle.

"Daydreaming about your crush, Raphie?" That was his new favourite thing to tease Raphael about, constantly. Every. Fucking. Minute.

It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't fucking RIGHT.

"Fuck you," Raph snapped. Mikey pushed his fingers into his beak until he resembled a pig and started making ugly squealing and moaning noises. "Ooooh, yeah, Leonardo, gimme some more..."

Raph growled and swung his foot up hard, kicking a pile of grit into Mikey's face. He stumbled back coughing, and Donnie chimed in, coming to Raph's defence like he'd been doing a lot of recently. "Shut up, Mikey. That's disgusting." he huffed, rolling his eyes.

Mikey rubbed his face forcefully. "Homophobes," he whined.

"That's not the-"

"Go call the cops before I kick yer ass," Raph broke in, earning himself a pout and a tongue wag before Mikey did as he asked.

"He's so annoying sometimes," Donnie sighed. He glanced at his older brother out of the corner of his eye. "I'm serious, though. Are you alright?"

Raph squinted at him. "I was just zoned out, Don."

Donnie shook his head and flushed slightly. "I don't just mean...not just right now." He shuffled a little closer, and his voice pitched a few tones lower. "You've been really...off lately. Really unfocused. I know you leave every night, don't deny it, and in the mornings you come back exhausted and scratched up, but April says you haven't been out with Casey in weeks."

Uh oh. "What does that have to do with anythin'?"

Donnie exhaled. "You really shouldn't be doing that stuff by yourself. If Casey can't do it, then at least-"

Raph's stomach immediately settled. Donnie only thought he was out roughing up criminals by himself.

"What're ya, offerin'?" Raph snorted. Donnie made an annoyed noise. "I don't know. Maybe...look, I'm just worried. It's not just me. Mikey and Splinter-"

Raph pushed away the guilt nipping at his heels. "I'm fine," he repeated, fighting hard not to cross his arms like someone with something to hide. He'd actually been feeling kind of better lately, sort of.

Donnie finally let it drop, but not before placing a hand on his shoulder. "Alright. But you know that if you ever get in trouble-"

"Yeah yeah yeah." Raph said. "I know. This is the part where I give ya a huge kiss, right?"

Donnie let him go and turned away, muttering something that sounded like " _something like that"_ , but he wasn't sure he heard that right.

"Huh?"

"Nothing."

"Don-"

"Five-Oh is inbound, dudes." Mikey announced, sauntering back over. "We should make like turtle egg pops and split."

"That was crude and horribly cheesy," Donnie drawled.

"Oh, like your farts in the morning?"

"I do not-!"

"Yes! Yes you do, oh my God Raph doesn't he?...Raph?"

The older turtle was already over the fire escape connected to the next building, heading back the way they came while completely ignoring them in the process.

"Dude," Mikey muttered, scrunching up his face. "Not cool."

"He's been doing that a lot lately. Haven't you noticed?" Donatello said. Mikey sucked his teeth. "Yeah...now that you mention it. He's been real spacey. Not himself."

"Maybe somebody should call Casey. Get him to talk to him." Donnie offered. Mikey shrugged. "Yeah, sure, why not. He'll only bust our heads in when he finds out."

"Not if that Moron can keep his mouth shut," Donnie argued, and Mikey snickered. "I guess I'll be the one calling him then, since you clearly won't. Dude, can't you bury that already? April chose who she chose, and they've got a kid now. Kinda seals the deal."

"For the ump-TEENTH time!" Donnie hissed. "I don't want her anymore!"

"Then why do you hate him so bad? Is it cause of Raph being with him all the time?" Mikey prodded. Donnie paled under the streetlight and recoiled like he'd been popped with a rubber band. "Are you- no! No. Why would that matter?"

"I dunno, dude. Sometimes I think-"

"This isn't about me," Donnie grumbled. "It's about our brother. If you won't call Casey I will." He turned on his heel to follow their leader, leaving Michelangelo alone with the unconscious criminals.

The orange masked turtle sighed and turned to the heap of bodies. "I swear I'm the only normal one left in this outfit. I mean, what can a guy do?"

One of them slumped and gurgled, drooling a bit.

"I knew you'd understand."

* * *

 

Karai's ribs ached loudly every time she lifted her arm to bring her spoon to her mouth, shifting and grinding against each other in her chest cavity and nearly bringing tears to her eyes with every movement.

She didn't dare to even glance at her brother, mere feet across from her, as he slowly ate his own meal right handed to avoid tearing the stitches in his dominant left arm. She didn't know who had mended it. Surely not Bishop, considering the hatred between the turtle and the doctor. Once, a long time ago, it would have been her. But not now, lest it bring more pain down on them.

It wasn't even the pain that had a fire of discontent burning in her belly, or even the fact that the Shredder was sitting at the head of the table, silently acting as though he hadn't just beat them both into next week. It was the unjustness of it.

She didn't understand. One minute he was cruelly dividing them, then forcing them to interact, and then punishing them when they...reconciled. He was treating them like stupid puppies.

Her eyes narrowed, and she began slicing a noodle viciously with the edge of her spoon. It was all fine and well when she was being forced to seduce old, fat diplomats, but the pleasure she found in her own bed with someone she actually loved was forbidden.

It was quickly becoming clear- they would not be allowed to be lovers, or siblings, or even friends. One of them would rule, and the other would die, by the Shredder's law.

...unless the Shredder himself was absent from the equation.

Karai's hand stilled, and her lashes touched her eyebrows. It was unthinkable, but...plausible. If the Shredder was suddenly not in control of the clan when it passed into their hands...or even ALIVE...the point would be made moot, and his wishes would no longer matter. She and Leonardo would be made corulers and be left in peace...no more being forced to fight.

She peeked through her lids at Leonardo, favouring his injured arm, and her body gave a tremor of want and wickedness, delighted at another solution being been discovered for her having what she desired.

Were they not assasins, after all?

* * *

 

_"-tests on the mutates going very well, very well indeed...however, if I had another subject, a different one perhaps, the results might come even faster-"_

_"Where is my daughter?"_

_"...what?"_

_Bishop paused in his rhetoric and blinked up at the towering figure above him, gazing at him through a screen of metal and shimmering blades._

_"Where is my daughter, Bishop?"_

_Bishop glanced around and tucked his hands into his lab coat. If he didn't know any better he'd have thought that the Shredder was joking, but that was absurd. The Foot Lord had a tendency to do this- he would ignore his tiny daughter for days on end, and then suddenly, randomly remember that he was actually a father and spoil her for a short period of time to make up for his absence of care._

_"I believe she is still with the nurses, Master. Playing with that...thing." Bishop said distastefully. "She takes it with her wherever she goes now."_

_"Mm. Walk with me, John."_

_"Of course, my Lord." Bishop quickly hid his irritated expression and dutifully followed after him, wandering the halls of the Foot Tower until they reached the wing where Karai's quarters were. There was a light on in one of the bathrooms, and the sound of giggling emanated from it, and slashing water._

_When they pushed open the door, they found the princess at the sink. The little mutate was in the basin face down, wiggling while she dragged a toothbrush over the too big shell covering it's back._

_She looked up when they entered, and her face split into a wide grin at the sight of her father. "Otō!"_

_"What are you doing, Karai?"_

_The little girl held up the toothbrush, ladden thick with brown suds. "Leonardo was playing in the gardens with me and he got dirty. I'm giving him a bath."_

_"... Indeed."_

_Bishop couldn't take it anymore. "Sire," he hissed, "please! I've held my tongue on this issue, but I must protest!"_

_"Speak, then. Quietly."_

_"This has gone far enough. She carries that... That thing around like a pet!" Bishop exclaimed. "Like a chihuahua."_

_"It amuses her," the Shredder replied._

_"It's lab fodder," Bishop muttered darkly. "It belongs under a scalpel, not playing dress up. I'm asking you as your most faithful servant. Let me take that thing and put it to some use."_

_The Shredder was quiet for a minute, watching the thing in the basin blow fitful bubbles and pop them with its teeth, making Karai laugh._

_"When she tires of it," he said finally. "Then, and only then will you have reign to do whatever you wish"_

_Bishop smiled nastily at the thing in the basin, and he thought he saw it tremble. "Of course, Sire."_

_Karai waved goodbye to her father as they turned to leave and glared sourly at the doctor's back until they were gone. When she couldn't hear their footsteps any longer, she stuck out her lip and picked up her turtle, holding him wet and shivering against her body. He got soap on her and in her hair, but she didn't care._

_"It's alright, I won't let him get you."_

_The turtle squeaked and buried it's face in her neck, making some kind of throat purr sound like a cat._

_"I'll protect you, Leonardo."_


	25. Boil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Donatello reminisces, Shredder schemes, Leonardo is a tease, Raphael is blue balled, and Casey is embarrassed.

_The second Donatello woke up with his teeth chattering and two layers of goose pimples on his skin, he immediately knew what had happened._

_"M-M-Mi-k-k-key!" he whined, watching with veiny red eyes as his breath made a mocking halo around his beak. Next to him, his little brother mumbled something stupid in his sleep and snuggled down further into the huddle of blankets he'd somehow dragged into Donnie's room._

_Cold nights in this new home were awful. They were closer to the surface, so more air got in than ever before, and the space heater had been dropped and broken in the move, so he hadn't had a chance to fix it yet. Donatello didn't MIND sharing a bed with his little brother, but Mikey was the worst cover stealer in the history of forever. He'd bundle up his own covers, walk to Donnie's room in his makeshift lab, and then proceed to wrap himself in every little bit of warmth he could while at the same time leaving anyone in the bed with him to freeze._

_And he turned into a python when he slept, so there was no chance of getting his covers back without a fight. Rather than try, Donatello shivered his way off the matress, holding back tears when his toes touched the icy floor. He rattled his way into the hallway and up the stairs to the second floor, pushing open the door to the only occupied room._

_"R-R-Raph?"_

_"...what?"_

_Donatello misted out a cloud of relief when he answered. The nine year old was curled into a tiny ball in his new net hammock thing, facing the wall and making it sway with every shiver._

_"I'm f-f-freezing."_

_"Lemme g-guess. M-mikey?"_

_Donnie nodded and wrapped his arms tighter around his torso. "C-can I s-sleep in h-here? Please?"_

_Raph turned around and finally looked at him, one golden eye gleaming over his shoulder. "How come ya didn't just go ta Sensei?"_

_Donnie's face fell even further, and he stared down at his toes. "He's not... Feeling good." Their father had been sad and quiet all day, hardly saying a word to anyone about anything. He got like that sometimes, especially whenever he polished the little altar in the dojo._

_"... Yeah, sure. C'mon."_

_Donnie was in the hammock in two point three seconds, squirming in next to his brother until it was impossible to distinguish one from the other. It was immediate relief. Raphael always team a few decrees hotter than usual- Mikey said it was because he was full of hot air, but Donatello loved it for nights like this. His big brother never turned him away._

_"Watch it!"_

_"Ouch! Sorry."_

_"Damn, yer feet are cold!"_

_"Dad said don't curse."_

_"Hmph."_

_Eventually they were settled, squished but twice as warm. Donatello sighed and nuzzled his brothers arm, pillowing his cheek on his shoulder and entwining their arms and legs as tight as they would go. A happy feeling was fluttering in his tummy. Raphael smelled like safety and family._

_"Goodnight, Raph."_

_"Night, Donnie."_

_He could feel his heart beat next to his own._

_"... Love you..."_

_"Mmmhm...you too."_

_In the morning they discovered that Mikey had followed him there and effectively stolen Raphael's covers too during the night, but Donatello never felt an ounce of cold in his brother's hammock, blanket or no blanket._

* * *

 

_**Last night** _

Oruku Saki was not an ignorant man.

One would have had to be not only ignorant, but also blind and naive to think that the atmosphere at his dinner table was anything close to normal. Neither Karai nor Leonardo said a word to each other or to him as though their lives depended on it, fixated on their meals with a focus born of fear.

Which was perfectly fine, in his mind. What kind of father and master would he be if his children did not fear for their lives in his presence? The fear he expected, just as he expected the resentment literally steaming from his daughter. He knew that she was angry in regards to his rather...physical display of displeasure once he learned about their brief little affair.

And brief it would stay. Perhaps his methods were a bit harsh, but words were never enough with willful progeny, particularly Karai. Now they knew he was serious, and further instances would be met with more severe punishment.

He had hoped separating them at such a crucial time in their lives and the resentment he cultivated in them over the years would prevent this from happening, but evidently it hadn't been enough.

She and Leonardo would not be allowed to be together in that way, period. Karai's mess of emotions would ensure disaster and Leonardo would be distracted from his current goals.

They had to reach a balance of unified facade and deep seated rivalry. Too openly hateful and the Clan would be uneasy, but too close and the Clan would get dangerous ideas. They had to be carefully supervised until one of them was ready to oust the other and rule. Because indeed, only one would rule.

If he allowed this to continue, they might get ridiculous ideas like Co-leadership and sharing of power. The words themselves made him scoff. Romantic, unrealistic expectations. In a way, the last step to ascension was the removal of your rivals, family or not. Without it, reigns were never fully cemented. Isolation was the only true way to ensure complete control.

The Shredder sighed internally to himself. It was so very tiring, directing and grooming his brood to ensure the future of his empire. He knew he should have just been satisfied with his daughter, but he hadn't been able to resist the lure of a son, and an enhanced specimen at that, without the annoying emotional baggage of dispatching a mother or the hassle of creating a mutant using less ethical methods. The morality didn't bother him, but the result wouldn't have been nearly as perfect. Leonardo had been convenient.

Leonardo and Karai didn't understand, but he was doing this for them. Perhaps they would see that one day. For now at least things were the way they should be. If they could only get rid of those turtles, once and for all, they would be perfect.

The Shredder glanced at the mutant, and smiled to himself behind his helmet.

Convenient, indeed.

* * *

 

By the time the sun was deep below the horizon, Raphael was all too happy to sneak out of the lair and leave it behind. The day had started off bad and only gotten worse and fucking worse. Mikey had cleaned out the sink and found the crushed pill casings from the medicine that Raph had been hiding and pulverizing in the garbage disposal rather than taking, and Donnie had bitched at him about it, which then got Splinter involved, watch your language and your tone with me, and was that ALCOHOL I smell on your breath, Raphael?!

Except it hadn't been, only old stale mouthwash because someone (Mikey) used the last of the goddamn toothpaste. No one ( **MICHELANGELO** ) copped to it, so Raph got blamed and delegated to doing the rest of the shopping alone that week, AND his room subjected to a search for anything with alcohol in it, just to be sure.

That led to the discovery of a single empty beer can from two years ago under his dresser and his bike privileges being revoked for a week, which resulted in him throwing Mikey a little harder than needed in practice and knocking him into the altar. Nothing broke, but he still had to clean it up, put it back EXACTLY the way it had been. Splinter hadn't said a word to him the entire rest of the day.

One more hour of that and he would have snapped, but _luckily_ he'd been sent to bed early after dinner.

Needless to say, he took special satisfaction in leaving that night. He didn't wander, went straight to the motel, figuring they'd just meet at the same place they'd been last. By the time he reached the crummy little building he was still simmering, pissed at damnear everything in sight. Construction on the street in front of the motel forced him to go around the back and all the way down the hallway until he reached the right room.

Leonardo was already there, lounged easily on the broken down bed and casually swinging one foot back and forth. "Late again."

Raphael shot a sour look in his direction. Irritation was rolling around in his gut like spilled marbles and prickling his skin like a rash, hot and itchy. He felt...slightly violent, the kind of niggling, nagging feeling he usually spent on his punching bag. He probably should have gone to find some criminals, but something had driven him here instead. "We ain't never say no times," he grumbled, amber eyes flashing a warning that Leonardo ignored.

"You're still late," Leonardo replied. He watched disinterestedly out of the corner of his eye as Raph snatched off his weapons and threw them onto the rickety dresser. "Wait, before you do that." he said, sitting up suddenly as he started to shuck his hoodie. "I wanted to tell you something."

Raph dropped the hoodie to the floor. "What?"

"I think I've found a solution to our dilemma."

"What dile-oh." Raph crossed his arms. "Ya finally gonna suck it up and take it?"

Leonardo mirrored the motion. "No." His mouth twitched when Raph gritted his teeth. "But I'm going to give you a bit of a chance."

"Do ya ever talk straight?" Raph snapped. Leonardo rolled his eyes and made a frustrated noise. "Oh for- fine. Gods, you..." He shook his head and scrubbed at his temple for a second. "Whoever drops down first is at the mercy of the other."

"Nuh-uh," Raph said. "No damn way. That ain't fair. I'm bigger den you."

"In your dreams," Leonardo snorted. "And its completely fair."

"That shit hurts!" Raph exclaimed, but he regretted it the minute he saw the expression change on Leonardo's face.

"Are you saying you can't handle it?" he challenged back swiftly. He uncrossed his legs and leaned forward, drawing a tortured creak from the bed springs. "I would have thought it would be worth it to you, but-"

Raph's mouth descending harshly on his stopped the sentence cold. It ended in a surprised grunt as their beaks mashed together painfully and Raph's tongue travelled halfway down his throat. They swapped two batches of hot spit before pulling away, irises slowly disappearing.

"Deal," Raph snarled simply. Leonardo smirked and reached for him.

Their kisses barely even deserved to be called that. They were ugly and jagged, more hard than soft. They made noise- teeth clacked, saliva slurped, and guttural groans clawed their way past their throats. He sucked desperately at the tongue spearing through his mouth.

He knew that his earlier thoughts were correct. Leonardo was a toxin and he was officially an addict. He longed for the way that flesh tasted under his lips, hot and salty and smoky from incense. He craved that power, the struggle for it, the give-and-take.

The thought stroked his ire even higher, moving it from irritation to aggression. He was a Good Guy. He shouldn't be here, pining for a taste of the Bad Guy's lips. He shouldn't be willingly letting himself be bent, twisted, broken and controlled by a few harsh kisses and an obscure promise. He hated that Leonardo was like fly paper and he was a dumb little insect, and once they touched he had no control over himself. He hated that he'd been forced to want this. Only this. He lost, and he wanted; he needed and he hated. He hated it all.

Raphael hissed and fought to withdraw his tongue from the sharp snap of Leonardo's teeth. "I hate you," he gasped. Leonardo smiled, and his canines were tipped with red. Raph froze for a second, feeling a traitorous shiver dance down his spine as he was once again reminded that he wasn't the only monster in this equation. Staring into shaded brown eyes, regarding him with something between disdain and lust, he saw the viciousness flickering there and felt the stirring of that savage desire, the craving he so, so despised. "Good."

The next kiss split his lip with the force of it and coated his mouth with the taste of copper. It held until the breath they'd been passing between their lungs grew stale. Enraptured as he was by the weird, delicious combination of mint and blood, Raphael only broke the kiss when Leonardo clocked him swiftly over the head.

It didn't hurt, really, but it echoed through his body and spurred the well of bubbling feelings inside him, and he was retaliating before he even realized, digging his fist into Leonardo's side.

A foot to the gut and he was off the bed and on his back. He snatched at Leonardo's ankle and pulled him down with him, and then they were fighting, sort of, pushing and shoving each other around the room in a struggle to get the upper hand. They clawed and kicked and hit and bit and kissed, if you could call it that, more like forcing the other to accept the gesture than anything close to affectionate.

It's the heat that got him every time, all that sweat and hot pumping blood and burning-hot proximity. His muscles were on fire. And what a fucking mess they were making. Sweat and spit and precome soaked their limbs and the sheets, and oh God - tiny, slithering cuts painted their skin red, pretty scratch marks weeping and colouring both of them a dusty brown where they rubbed together.

Their shells scraped paint and paper off the walls and they knocked both the nightstand and the lamp over before they eventually wound up plastered against the wall, grinding and twisting into the weight and heat pressing their abdomens and making them pant.

His slit was bulging dangerously and dull tingles of pain were running down his legs, but Raphael remembered Leonardo's little condition at the last moment and held it in, shivering with the effort of keeping his cock in his shell. He braced his elbows on either side of Leonardo's head and curved away from his body, gritting his teeth.

"Having trouble?" Leonardo asked innocently, following him and fitting seamlessly into every dip and curve until there wasn't an inch of space between them. His voice was low and smooth, mouth swollen and discolored, a smattering of marks and bruises littering his shoulders ams upper arms. It was like someone gave Temptation a physical form and mutated it perfectly. "That looks painful," he smirked, rotating his hips in a slow circle. He reached up to coil his arms sensually around his neck.

Not gently, Raph grabbed his wrists and tossed them back onto the wall. "I ain't givin' ya tha satisfaction." He'd be damned if he let the Foot Brat make a bitch out of him willingly for the second time in twenty four hours. He had an advantage now, though- he was learning how to make the other male snap. He had a inkling of what it was like to break Leonardo, submit him for a change, and he LOVED it.

Not touching wasn't an option. But he had to touch RIGHT. He didn't just have to weather the assault. He could give it right back to him. Leonardo had shown weakness and the beast had smelled blood.

Leonardo jerked in shock as Raph pushed their pelvises together and reached down for a handful of ass at the same time, kneading his blunt nails into the hard flexing muscle and locking their slits, forcing the pulsing openings to mash together. It hurt SO BAD, but the expression on the lighter turtles face was fucking priceless.

"A _h_ -"

Raph grinned at the involuntary noise. He could almost feel the sound travel along his skin like tendrils, wrapping him in arousal. "Ya like that?" he asked, wriggling and repositioning so the angle was optimal. Leonardo trapped his lip in his teeth and grabbed his elbow out of reflex, and he pressed in again, relishing the pain and hard scrape.

"Yeah, ya like that. Shit, who'd'a thought ya'd be so eager ta be spread out on mah sai again?"

Leonardo met his eyes and thrust back, also smugly, and fuck how did he dothat? "Nice try," he said, a little breathlessly. He tilted down and nipped at Raph's straining Adam's apple. "But we both know it's only a matter of seconds before you're kneeling for me. You look so hot like that, by the way."

Raph growled and allowed his hips to jerk up and back a few times, roughly shearing their sensitive slits, wet cartilage and flesh from side to side in a hot slide that made them both snarl.

"Ya know I'm gonna fuck you right? When I win this?"

Leonardo's throat convulsed in a laugh. "I've given you chance after chance. I'm starting to think you don't really want it." he breathed, sucking throbbing bruises into Raph's collarbone.

"Only yer selfish ass would call 'em chances," Raph retorted.

Leonardo shrugged. "If you wanted it, you would have gotten it, regardless of fairness."

"Jus' shut it and get that leg up."

"Screw you," Leonardo replied. It was a different fight from that point on. They traded thrusts like blows, wincing and writhing from the knife of pleasure-pain that rebounded through them from the squeeze of their trapped erections. At one point he had to damnear force Leonardo's leg up and around his hip, and ended up with a headbutt for his trouble. The tension and flaring heat became unbearable, but Raph refused to drop down... And so did Leonardo.

His head was back and his eyes were closed, but- impossibly- his breathing was getting SLOWER the longer it went on, more even.

Almost like he was falling asleep, or-

 _Motherf_ -

Raph bared his teeth and snapped his hips forward HARD, causing Leonardo's skull to bounce off the wall.

He didn't even flinch, confirming Raph's suspicion.

"Ya...cheatin' little-"

Angry, indignant, he worked a hand in between their chests and jabbed at Leonardo's slit, rubbing viciously. He jolted and his eyes flew open as he was jerked out of his half tantric state, coming back to awareness with a shuddering inhale. "H-hu-uhaah-"

He didn't even try to hide his smirk. Revenge was short lived- not two seconds after that, Raphael felt fingers slither beneath his tail, edge between his cheeks, and firmly circle his hole.

"S-son ova b-bitch," he chattered, cross eyed with the effort of keeping himself contained. "Y-you...s-such...a-assh-hole." Leonardo muttered something back in Japanese that he didn't have the presence of mind to translate. It was getting literally fucking impossible to ignore the heat in his gut and the stabbing pain behind his eyeball, but Leonardo was shaking like a metronome and his nails had found a new home in Raph's humerous. He couldn't hold it much longer either.

The thing that threw them both off was the beeping, when it started, shrill and tinny and insistent. They both jumped a mile, unlocking their slits with a ssshlick and causing their rhythm to stutter to a stop.

"Wh-what-"

"-tha fuck?!"

Dazed and blinking, Leonardo pulled away and lifted his arm. They both squinted at the red light flashing urgently in the band on his wrist, accompanying the beeping.

"I h-have to go." he said, rolling his head against his shoulder in exasperation.

It took a minute for the words to register. "Wait, like... Now?" Raph asked, incredulous, not even caring that he sounded like Mikey. He studied Leonardo's face to see if he was joking, but he was deadly serious.

"Yes, now." He pushed him away. Raph watched him lean against the bed and put a hand to his abdomen, breathing deep until his body stilled and the fire dimmed in his eyes. It looked like he was meditating standing up, getting slower and slower. His slit deflated and his tail curled back up. Pretty soon he looked like he had been doing nothing more exciting than light sparring.

Yeah, no. That wasn't happening, not for a long time.

"Ya gonna really leave me like this?" Raph said. Leonardo barely spared him a glance as he fixed his mask and buckled his swords to his shell.

"I don't have a choice." he replied.

"Yer an elite," Raph retorted. "Just tell em to wait."

"And say what? 'Sorry I'm late, I was sleeping with the leader of the family we've sworn to defeat'?" Leonardo snarked. "I don't think that would go over well."

"Ya need ta finish what ya started." Raph said menacingly, grabbing for his bicep when he turned for the window- the one criss crossed with black ribbon.

Leonardo's eyes narrowed to frigid brown chips. "You're seconds away from losing use of that hand for the rest of the night. I suggest you let me go before I make you."

He did, reluctantly, shoving down the bitter taste at the back of his throat. "This is bullshit," Raph growled. Leonardo rolled his eyes. "Be that as it may I'm still leaving. I'll see you later."

"Tonight?" _Damn_. He sounded eager.

"Probably not." Leonardo returned breezily. The corner of his mouth lifted up in a smirk. "You almost sound like you miss me."

"As if." Raph glared at him, fighting the flustered blush creeping across his beak. He didn't even want to think about what that implied. "So what I'm I s'posed ta do?" he snapped, throwing his arms wide.

"I don't know. Jerk off." With that last prickish comment, Leonardo clambered out the window, leaving Raphael hot, bothered, and pissed off all over again.

He stood there for a minute, trying to process the fact that he'd actually been stood up and walked out on. Part of him thought it was a joke, but after ten minutes went by and Leonardo didn't come back, Raphael grabbed up his own clothes and started throwing them on, steaming with embarrassment and anger. He felt like the entire room was judging him.

As if that wasn't enough, his phone started ringing shortly after, and when he looked at the number he groaned aloud. It was Casey.

Mostly from force of habit he pressed answer, despite not really wanting to talk to anyone.

"Yeah?"

**"*Yeah, hey. You comin' over tonight?*"**

Raph pulled a face, dumbfounded. "Right now? Case, it's-" he pulled back to check the time. "-twelve damn thirty."

" ***So? I know ya ain't at home, yer talkin' too loud.*"**

"Whattya want?"

"* **Nothin', man. Game's on and I thought... Nothin'. Ferget it."**

Raphael sighed harshly, rubbing at the spot where his eyebrows would be if he had any. "Wait, just... Shit. Fine. Okay. I'll be there."

" ***Alright then. See ya in...** "

"Ten, I guess. See ya." He ended the call and had to restrain from throwing the phone at the wall. He'd rather have sharp sticks in his eyes than go hang out, but maybe stopping by Casey's would stave off the surge of ugly bleakness he could feel creeping up on him.

It really only did take ten minutes to get to the Jones' neck of the woods. The window was cracked as always, but this time it was Casey sitting in wait on the fire escape, chugging a miller lite like it was going out of style.

For a long second, he really considered making up some dumb excuse and bailing. Part of him still remebered with shameful clarity the crap that Casey had spouted the last time he'd been over, particularly about certain gender roles between males, and how much those words had hurt. That same part of him didn't want to take responsibility for what happened later with Leonardo and blamed that on Casey, too. Yeah it was childish, but whatever.

He plopped down on the metal steps and huddled down in his hoodie, tossing a grunt in his friends direction. "Hey."

Casey drew his lips away from the rim of the bottle he was gulping. "Hey." There seemed to be a flavor of awkwardness in the air between that had never been there before. "Yer out kinda late."

"Duh," Raph snorted. "Kinda thought you'd be used ta that by now."

"I meant by yerself, smart ass." Casey clarified. Raph shrugged. "Mm. I guess."

They sat in silence for a minute, listening to the chorus of faraway ambulances below. It was early July now, warm out. Sweat gathered at the nape of his neck.

"The game?" Raphael asked, and Casey shook his head. "It was in Washington. Got rained out."

Raph glanced at his friend and saw him staring at him, squinting intensely. His heart leapt into his throat. "What?"

"Ya got somethin on yer lip," Casey told him, matter of factly. Raph frowned and flicked his tongue out, blushing as the tip of it caught the leftover taste of blood and Leonardo.

"Uh, got cut. Earlier. Thanks," he mumbled. He felt like he had a microscope on him, or a giant flashing sign on his forehead that screamed 'I'VE BEEN DOING SOMETHING DIRTY'.

"Welcome. Ya been sorta MIA lately."

Raph bristled. "Well damn, sorry, mom," he retorted.

"Fuck, Raph, chill. Cody's been askin' about ya, that's all," Casey huffed. Raph was impressed by how quickly he pushed down the answering surge of guilt.

"Been busy," he muttered. "Splinter's been on my ass about everythin.'" It was partly true.

"Sucks," Casey agreed, taking another swig. "Ya still on those meds?"

"Technically. But I don't need em so I dunno why they bother." Raph said.

"I think they're just tryin ta help." Casey offered, prompting Raph to give him a quizzical look. Casey not agreeing with him was...weird.

"Whatever."

"So um...how's stuff at home?"

What the hell? Casey never outright asked. He usually waited until something was volunteered. Raph stared at him out of the corner of his eye. The human was fidgeting, tapping his fingers on the bottle and looking anywhere but at him. Casey was not one to discuss this kind of stuff at length. It was like somebody else was forcing him to talk, pulling the words out of his mouth.

_Somebody else..._

"Fine," he said simply, more than a little suspicious. A warning bell was going off in his head, and something sour curdled in his stomach. "I mean, ya know. Tha usual."

He purposely didn't say anything else. Casey cleared his throat and shuffled a little more. "Um. Cool." He breathed out, like somebody preparing to pet a sedated lion. "Ya know, um...if ya ever wanted ta talk about it. I'm yer friend, ya know that. That's what they're there for."

Enough. ENOUGH. If he wasn't so pissed, he might have laughed.

"Alright, which one was it?" Raphael snapped, full on glaring at this point. "Huh? Donnie? Mikey? April?"

Casey flinched, shoulders slumping in defeat. He didn't even try to deny it. "Donnie," he admitted wearily. "Well, Mikey called, but he said it was Donnie's idea."

Something ugly spread through Raph's chest. The beast dug it's claws into his stomach, releasing a flood of red.

"Are ya fuckin' serious?!" he yelped.

"Look man, I'm sorry." Casey returned, throwing up his arms. "He wanted me ta talk ta ya the next time I saw ya."

Sneaky and underhanded, trying to get Casey to weasel feelings out of him. "I'm gonna kill him," Raph vowed, pushing himself to his feet.

Casey grabbed for his hoodie. "Wait, Raph, c'mon. He was jus' worried, that's all. We all are, honestly."

If that was supposed to make him feel better, it didn't. Pretty much did the opposite.

"Worried about WHAT?" Raphael snapped, snatching away from his hand. "Why is everybody always on mah fuckin' case? I'm STRAIGHT-" fuck, bad choice of words- "FINE! I'm fine!"

"We're jus' trying ta help! Ya been acting kinda off-"

"I ain't crazy." Raphael growled. He was getting sick and tired of having to say that. "If I needed yer help I'd fuckin' ask for it. I don't need you or Donnie or Splinter or whoever else ta check up on me."

"Donnie-"

"Just cause Donnie whipped it out don't mean ya gotta blow!"

Casey went bright red. "Hey, fuck you fer that! I ain't do it for braniac, I did it for you!"

"Sure," Raph sneered. "Ya couldn't even ask me ta my face." He was trembling a little at that point, sweating, aching with the need to hit something. He didn't want it to be Casey's face, so he turned and jumped off the fire escape without another word.

He almost slammed his room door when he got to the lair, remembering at the last second how stupid that would be. It was even warmer underground than it was up top. Sweat rolled down his dark green forehead and into his eyes when he yanked his mask off, born more of anger than heat. His nails dug into his palms and stung. The feeling of suffocation was back, tight and choking in his lungs.

Donatello had no right to try and monitor him through his friend, and Casey was spineless for agreeing to it. Point blank. Maybe he shouldn't have flipped like that, but the reason was justified, at least to him.

He paced his room for a while, thinking about how deep in Donnie's ass he was going to get the next morning, before finally throwing himself down in his hammock, rocking himself pissily back and forth by kicking his foot against the wall. He was still hot and prickly, and his headache had crept back. He was hyper and irritated all at once, like a big knot of nervous, vexed energy, and he couldn't even use his punching bag. His leg wouldn't stop shaking. He felt like he had a beehive in his brain.

Raphael tried to close his eyes and calm himself down. He let his mind wander away from Donatello and Casey, but a hot flash of ire knifed through him when he remembered Leonardo waltzing out on him earlier.

_'I don't know. Jerk off.'_

_Jackass_. It just had to be illegal to be that much of an insufferable goddamn tease.

Thinking about Leonardo meant he had to visualize Leonardo- forest green limbs and gleaming brown eyes, mocha eyes, lips curled into a smile over that wicked mouth-

Instant, raging hard on. Figured. Raph sighed hard and ran his tongue around his suddenly dry mouth, licking the last of the blood away. He shivered- he could still taste them, and if he focused he could call his scent to mind. His slit pulsed, bringing with it a low throb of discomfort from the earlier abuse.

_'I'm not doing this.'_

Yeah, right.

He paused, listening for any sound from the hallway or beyond- nothing. Raphael shifted his shell on the wadded sheets under his back and flung one leg out of his hammock. His breath hissed out of his nose and his head dropped back on the wall as he eased himself out, getting harder with each heartbeat surging through him, making him twitch. The Leonardo in his head toyed with his lower lip, chewing it with a single canine. Raph imagined a hungry expression on his face while he watched, leaning forward in expectation.

He gripped himself in hand, trying not to think too much about what he was doing. He brought the circle of his hand up to the head, finding it spongy and sensitive, leaking precome down the shaft. He smeared it around with the pad of his thumb and began stroking, slow at first, squeezing just a little too roughly at the base every downward motion and making his lungs stutter.

His mind ran away with the sensation, supplying the image of another three fingered hand on his length. He stopped, spat into his palm, and started again, squirming from the gooey warmth oozing around him.

"Walk out... On me," he gulped, shuddering. "I'll s-show 'im..."

Oh fuck, he could see it now- the black masked turtle underneath him, knees up by his ears, wet and open and wanton, tail unrolled, lips swollen...

The feeling of his own nails biting down brought the image of Leonardo's mouth on him, teeth scoring the thick veins along the underside. He slowly deteriorated into nothing but a haze of desperate sensation, a string of groaned, muffled expletives, and nonsensical words smothered by the corner of his pillow. He wanted to just go at it, hard and brutal, but something made him go slow and savor it.

Not for the first (second third fourth HUNDREDTH) time, the thought crossed his mind of just how wrong this was, jerking it and making himself feel good to a fantasy of someone on the opposite side.

But Leonardo was evil, twisted, and probably just having as much fun with Raphael as he could before throwing him off a building. So he was able just to feel without thought. To give up and give in because in the long run it didn't mean anything.

An inadvertently hard squeeze made his thoughts short out. Soon streams of moisture were trickling down the backs of his thighs, staining his blanket. He was close already, heat filling up his stomach like a gas leak, nerves coiling and uncoiling, but it wasn't...quite... right.

Raphael forced himself to stop, marveling at the strange, almost vacancy he felt as his crest approached. The netlike material of his hammock rubbed abrasively at his inflamed gland. He reached down to soothe it- he didn't know how it happened, honestly he didn't, he didn't even remember thinking about it- but he soon found himself orbiting his quivering hole, dampening it with the wetness dribbling from the knot of flesh behind it.

He hesitated slightly. He'd never penetrated himself before, and Leonardo had only done it once. But he remembered how stupidly fucking GOOD that one time had been. With the haze he was in, he only knew that he wanted moremoremore.

The first push was too dry, and the puckered skin caught under his nail. The second, he only got a fingertip in before he had to collect more slick. Third ended up being the charm. After steeling his nerves and wiggling his wrist, Raphael managed to slip one broad digit into his ass.

He pumped it a few times experimentally. The stretch, the burn... feeling it from the outside and the inside all at once. It made his limbs tremble. He grabbed his flagging cock and stroked it to full hardness again, spreading his legs wider. After a minute he added a second, thrusting in all the way down to the knuckle and panting through both teeth and ears to keep from moaning. He didn't go easy on himself either, scissoring himself viscously. His brain had it's own mini orgasm, tongue out and spazzing just from the feeling of being SO FULL, YESYESFUCKYEAH.

But..

Still not. The angle wasn't deep enough, his fingers couldn't reach that magical spot. He groaned in frustration and let his head thunk against the wall. Something rolled off his dresser and onto the floor in response to the impact, and when he turned to look at it, he saw that it was a random marker.

He found time to be ashamed of what he did later, once the horny desperation passed. Before he knew what he was doing, he snatched the marker off the floor, leaned forward on his knees, and replaced his fingers with it. He squeezed his eyes shut against the sudden influx of bodily sensation. The plastic was hard and unforgiving, smooth and slim.

He pushed it forward slowly and almost swallowed his tongue when he rammed his spot damnear immediately, sending dull lightning up his spine and filling his eyes with dancing colored dots. A half baked, half growl, half whimper emanated from his throat and he hit it again and again, forced to stifle his yells by biting down on his forearm, sawing the marker in and out until his chest was bursting with unspent cries.

Even then, fucking himself with abandon, he STILL saw that sly smile behind his lids, watching him silently. He spiralled back to the first night, weeks ago, when he was trapped on his hands and knees tormented from behind. The marker was good, but he imagined what it would be like if it was thicker, longer, warmer-

Raphael shoved all the way in, deep as possible, and twisted his hand over his coc. His toes curled in towards his heels, any hope of an even rhythm lost as he came, panting and gasping into the hot pillow as he felt his cock pulse with the thick jets of come and his opening constricting in equally sharp pulses, clutching around the marker.

When the sirens stopped blaring in his head and his eyes rolled back around to the front, he slumped face forward and slowly pulled the marker out of his ass, shuddering hard and utterly spent.

The smell of incense haunted his dreams all night long.


	26. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raphael runs errands, Leonardo screws with the Dragons, Hun thinks back, April sinks deeper, and Donnie and Splinter are at a loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I asked this on DA, but I figured I'd ask it here too. Are there any artists out there that could maybe illustrate this story? I just think it would be really cool because I'm uploading it on DA, but I can't draw DX. Just throwing it out there.
> 
> Plot now, smut directly after. Sorry for the wait, high school's an asshole.)

"Have a good day at school, baby."

Cody stretched up on his toes and puckered his lips with an obligatory air while his mother stooped down and pressed hers to his plump cheek, smoothing down a few errant stands of his fiery hair. "Tell Miss Robins I said hi."

"Bye, mommy." The little five year old pecked April on the nose and skipped away to collect his Batman bookbag. April stood up just as Casey walked in from the hall, tucking his keys into his pocket.

A crease formed between her eyebrows when she caught the carefully blank expression on his face. Things had been cool and distant between them for the past week, after their argument.

Part of her just wanted to say 'screw this' and tell him, but fear for his safety (and possibly his reaction and backlash) held her back. She told herself it was all for his protection, and the protection of their son. It mostly worked.

"I'm not gettin' off till late," Casey deadpanned, expertly looking anywhere but directly in her eyes. "Tha preschool bus ain't runnin' today, it's a half day type deal. So you gotta pick Cody up."

"Alright," April agreed slowly. "Why are you-"

"Don't ferget, April. They'll take him ta the police station if ya do."

April tried her hardest to keep her brows from descending into a glare. Even still, she couldn't quite take all the ice out of her tone before she spoke. "I wouldn't forget to pick up my own child, Casey Jones."

He didn't even look at her. "Right."

Her phone chose that exact moment to buzz obnoxiously in her pocket, simultaneously tightening Casey's eyebrows and lowering her shoulders and acting like a third person in the room. April was caught between answering it and leaving it be- answering might make her look guilty, but not answering would do the same. She was damned either way.

There was a short, awkward silence, and then Casey turned for the door, calling for Cody. April glanced down at her phone and cringed at the text flashing on the screen, from a blocked number she was extremely familiar with.

**«Should I come over 2day? I think I'm ready 2 talk about Josiah now.»**

Out of the corner of her eye, the redheaded reporter saw her husband watching her. She opened her mouth to speak, but Casey grabbed Cody's hand and stormed out the apartment before she could get out a syllable.

The slam of the door made her eyes prick, and her phone was slightly blurry when she looked down and typed a response.

« **Not 2day pls. I'll tell u when.»**

**«k.»**

April deleted the message thread and dragged her fingers through her stringy, tangled hair, sinking down to the couch. For the first time, she started to feel like she was drowning in this.

* * *

 

"Er...green six?"

"Nah."

"...Come on, dude. You have to say it."

Ughhh...fine, dammit. Go Fish."

Michelangelo kicked his legs and leaned forward in his chair, snatching a card from the pile on the middle of the dining room table and dropping it face down on his beak. His baby blues went cross and uncross as he stared at it, and then he puffed out his cheeks and blew it off, somehow landing it on the table. "Nope. Your turn, Go Fish."

Raphael grabbed a bent card from the pile and stared blankly at it, a dusty red two, trying to force his brain to contemplate it's own existence. He didn't know it was possible to be this fucking bored, but you learn something every day.

Playing card games...he hadn't played card games since he was about six, and he was pretty sure they'd had this crumpled, sticky deck of Uno cards since they mutated, if the teething marks on some of them were accurate.

The fact that he was willing to play freaking Go Fish with possibly the biggest cheater at cards ever was a testament to just how much NOTHING there was to do around the house that day. Nothing on TV, nothing but the same old beaten video games to play. Even his bike and his punching bag ceased to be a form of entertainment hours ago- he needed a new canvas for the bag because sand was starting to fly out every time he hit it, and his bike was now passably rideable, but his eyes were beginning to ache from focusing on the tiny screws.

And it was only nine o clock. The sun had barely even begun to set.

 _Unbelievable_.

"Whatcha got?" Mikey asked, swinging around in his chair until his legs were hanging over the back and his head was resting upside down on the table.

"Red two," Raph mumbled, showing him with a flick of his fingers.

"Mmm...nope. Go Fish."

 _Not again. Not ever again_. "I'm sick a' this," Raph huffed, tossing and scattering his deck. Mikey made an exasperated noise and sat back up. "Well I don't hear you making any suggestions, dude."

"Why don't ya show me yer sketchbooks again, that's always a laugh." Raph jabbed. Mikey swiftly flipped him off.

"Back at ya."

"I know!" Mikey said loudly, startling him. "I'll make myself a snack- oh waaaait," he sighed, slumping dramatically. "I can't. Darn it all! Do you know why?"

"Cause yer a useless sack?" Raph deadpanned.

Mikey pulled a wretched face. "Heh heh, close but no. It's because we have no food, and my good for nothing big brother won't go buy more. So now we're gonna starve to death."

Raphael scowled at him and pushed up from the table, wandering back into the living room. "Whateva."

"Wait, where are you-"

"Watchin' TV. S' better than listenin' ta you whine." Raph told him. It only took a minute for him to remeber why he'd stopped watching TV in the first place.

"What is this crap?" he groaned, staring in disbelief at the screen as the opening to some horrible reality show began to play.

"Dude, Real Housewives of Atlanta!" Mikey exclaimed, forgetting the cards completely and making a beeline for the couch. He plopped down next to his brother. "Daaang, NeeNee got fat since last season... I guess that diet plan was a bust."

Raph turned to him with an incredulous look and his left eye squinted halfway closed. "Ya actually _watch_ this junk?"

Mikey shrugged. "Eh. It comes on after LA Ink and sometimes the remote is WAY far away and I don't feel like getting up and changing it. Ooh," he said, bouncing in his seat, "I think this is the one where Porsha makes the sex tape and Nina and Diamond have a cat fight."

Raphael only stared, unable to even comprehend or respond to that. He got back up and went into the kitchen, eventually just standing in the middle of the floor, literally having nothing else to do with himself.

The door to Donnie's lab opened and the second youngest stepped out, passing Mikey on the way to the kitchen, holding his mug. "Are you seriously watching that?" the genuis scoffed.

Mikey didn't even look away from the t.v. "You know, you look a lot like my brother Donnie. But I haven't seen him in so long, I'm not sure. We lost him in his lab a few hundred years ago and haven't found him since."

"For your information you ungrateful little urchin, I was working." Donnie shot back. "As in earning money for this household."

He started washing sticky pop residue out of the cup, pointedly ignoring Raphael as he did so. The morning after he'd gotten home from Casey's a few nights ago, Raph had promptly bitten Donatello's head off about going to Casey behind his back. Once Splinter got wind of the situation, it had been Donnie getting chewed out for once instead of him, and the braniac was still sour about it.

If Raph had a dollar for how much he cared, he'd have absolutely zero dollars.

_Serves him right, being a damn sneak._

They silently gave each other the cold shoulder for about five minutes, until the door to the dojo scraped open and Splinter made his appearance.

"Good evening, my sons," the old rat started amiably, shuffling his way into the kitchen like he didn't notice the fog of nastiness pervading the room. "Donatello, have you finished your work for today?"

Donnie cleared his throat and sat his mug on the counter. "Yes, Sensei, my shift ended about five minutes ago."

Splinter nodded and shifted his grip on his staff. "Good, good." He turned appraising eyes on Raph and hiked a furry eyebrow. "Raphael, have you taken your medicine today?"

Every bitter, chalky pill, three of them. "Yeah," he grunted, shooting a quick glare at his brother that Donatello ignored. "Earlier."

Splinter smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. "And do you feel better?"

His stomach had been unsettled all day and he felt slower than usual, numb-ish. But he knew Splinter didn't want to hear that. He wanted to hear that everything was magically better, so that's what he would get.

"Mhm. Sure." He crossed his arms and leaned heavily on the fridge, averting his gaze to the floor.

Splinter looked at him for a second, worrying his beard between his fingers like he was struggling with something he wanted to say. "Raphael," he began slowly, quietly. "I understand that you may not enjoy this method. But please my son, believe me when I tell you that we only wish to help you feel better. These medications, er..."

"Depakote, Klonopin, and Symbyax," Donnie supplied, without looking up.

"Yes," Splinter continued, "of course. Donatello has told me that they are meant to make you feel calmer, less...agitated. Is that not better?"

Why bother explaining? Nobody would listen anyway. Raphael only shrugged, and pretended he didn't see the strained expression flit across Splinter's face, or the way he pressed a hand to his chest.

"It's Mikey's turn to make dinner," Donatello muttered after a while, arms tense and locked on the table.

"Michelangelo?" Splinter called, nearly able to cover up the catch in his tone.

"Kinda hard to cook with no food, Sensei!" Mikey replied from the living room. "Should we just order a pizza or something?"

"No," Splinter sighed. "No. We will eat a real meal tonight, together as a family. Raphael, I believe I told you to do the grocery shopping this week."

"Forgot," Raph huffed.

"Very well, but you are not busy now. Therefore you will go." Splinter mandated. "Michelangelo will make you a list, and Donatello will give you the money... did April liquidate that last check from the technology support agency?"

"Three days ago, yeah." Donnie answered. "400 dollars from them, and we've got about 150 in money scavenged from the tunnels."

"More than enough, I think." Splinter agreed. "Raphael-"

"Yeah, yeah. Got it." Raph pushed away from the fridge before he could say another word and escaped upstairs to his room. He dug a pair of jeans and his hoodie out of his dresser, then crammed a skullcap on his head and made his way back downstairs.

Donatello met him at the door with the money and the list. "Don't get lost," he mumbled, glowering into the middle distance.

Raph snatched the envelope from him roughly and shouldered past him out of the lair, taking childish satisfaction from the way he stumbled.

* * *

 

Bundled up as he was in his concealing attire, the early July night was kicking his ass by the time Raphael reached the grocery store. He tried to walk fast and only take side streets, but he was sure he looked like a serial killer.

Shopping for them, like everything else, was different and way more difficult than it was for normal people. They couldn't just walk in, obviously.

The store they used typically closed at 9:30. It was dark and vacant by the time Raphael reached it. He milled around the side, checking to make sure he wasn't followed by any cops or wannabe muggers. He dipped into an alley and went around the back.

After scaling the dumpsters and clambering up the wall, barely breaking a sweat, he smashed in the back window with the hilt of his sai and pulled himself into the building. The AC was turned off and it was sweltering inside.

_'Spaghetti noodles, meat sauce, green tea, poptarts...'_

When everything was crossed off the list, he added up the total and left it in cash in one of the registers. It wasn't technically stealing, and it was the best they could do.

It was dark enough to take the rooftops home when he was finished, which was sort of a relief. More of a breeze blew unhindered above the streets, and he almost passed out when he removed the skullcap and felt fresh air touch his sweat soaked skin and trickle down the back of his neck.

He stopped for a second and pulled the damp hoodie away from his body, gasping slightly and wringing moisture out of his mask. He sat the groceries down and closed his eyes, leaned his head back on a billboard while he cooled off.

"...-told the big man, we're solid."

Sudden, close voices made his eyes snap open and his muscles tense. Instinctively, he ducked behind the billboard and went still, craning his neck around to hear better.

"Well, obviously he didn't believe you."

 _Oh, shit._ He'd recognize that voice anywhere, both in and outside of his dreams. His heart quickened behind his lungs, shortening his breath slightly. Raphael bent down and scooted to the very edge of the billboard, balancing on the tips of his toes so that just the side of his face peeked out.

Harsh clangs and grunts broke the warm silence. Almost as soon as he'd hidden himself, people- Dragons, he realized- started to pull themselves over the edge of the rooftop, surfacing like zombies. Not eight feet from where he was crouching was a familiar black clad figure that he would have known even without the twin katana hilts on its back. Just to be sure, he took a huge gulp of air through his nose- yep, incense and sword polish.

_Oh shit oh shit oh shit._

The burliest man, easily three heads taller than the others and who Raph quickly identified as Hun, righted himself with a bunch of huffing and panting and stood, snarling like a wild boar. "We don't need no damn supervision, Leonardo. We ain't kids, and we got this shit covered already."

"You've missed two marks in the last week," Leonardo returned, voice slightly muffled by the mask pulled over his face. Though he couldn't see his eyes, Raph guessed they were narrowed in derision. "You're putting us dangerously behind. It's clear you need someone watching you."

Hun's hands balled into fists so tight hits knuckles cracked. "Wit all due respect," he gritted out, anything but, "we don't need no one watching us. Especially you. Ya don't know the city, and ya don't know how any of this works. We'd get more done if you and yer pappy would back the hell off."

Leonardo took a step forward, and Raph could sense the strain in Hun's body as he fought the instinct to move back in return. With a jolt, he recalled what Leonardo had done the first time they'd ever met, to the purple Dragon that mouthed off.

"You're right," he said. "I don't know the city. But I do know that you're one screw up away from losing your contract with the Shredder. All this luxury and autonomy from the police you've been enjoying will end, and you'll be back to knocking off bakeries and running from traffic cops."

All of the politeness bled out of his voice, leaving it steely and flat. "So I advise you to suck it up and do your jobs, before we lose complete use of you and something... unfortunate happens. You should probably get used to seeing me, too. I'm your new official supervisor, and when I say jump, you and your people say...?"

Hun looked ready to explode, but he fought to bend the cords in his thick neck and rasped out an answer. "How...high."

"There we go."

Raph felt a shudder go down his spinal scutes. He froze in momentary fear as he heard Leonardo give a sudden, deep sniff, and realized that the wind was blowing against him, probably bringing all kinds of sweat and sewer odor straight to the other mutant.

"So now what, Junior?" Hun barked.

"...I have to radio back to the Tower. Scout ahead to Roddan street and wait for me."

The Dragons began to peel off. Raph was just beginning to relax when the last of them was gone, but Leonardo gave a little chuckle and started to speak again.

"Your family really has a knack for being places you shouldn't, Raphael."

 _Dammit_. Cursing internally, Raph stood fully and stepped out from behind the billboard. He fixed a frown on his beak and mimicked the crossed arms posture of the other turtle. "I was here first." he said.

Leonardo reached up and pulled away the cloth covering his mouth. "What are you doing here?"

"Shoppin'," Raph snorted, jiggling the bags in his hands. "What tha hell're you doing here?"

Leonardo rolled his eyes. "Babysitting." he said.

Babysitting the Dragons...? That seemed a little random and micromanaging, not a job fit for an Honoured Elite child. Either something really important to the Foot was going on, or Leonardo was in some kind of trouble. "'S that why ya had to leave those nights ago?" Raph asked quickly.

"Trust me, not my idea." Leonardo said. "You already heard, so there's no point trying to keep it from you. The Dragons are my personal responsibility now."

"What are ya doing with them?" Raph asked suspiciously. Leonardo shook his head and smirked.

"Ah-ah-ah. You keep to your business, I'll keep to mine. Nothing that directly affects you, but beyond that I can't say."

"Can't or won't?" Raph countered.

Leonardo's smile grew slightly icier. "I don't have to explain anything to you, and I won't. Count yourself lucky I didn't alert them when I smelled you eavesdropping back there."

Raph bristled at the rebuke, but managed to bite his tongue. Leonardo let out a little noise. "So as you can probably imagine, there'll be no rendezvous tonight either."

To say his heart sank would be a MAJOR overstatement, (really, it would) but that wasn't exactly what Raphael wanted to hear, especially after getting blue balled so thoroughly.

"There's gotta be something ya can do," he complained. "Ditch em or... I dunno, hell."

"I can't just 'ditch them', I have a job to do." Leonardo snapped. "I have to-"

He paused, and his eyes widened slightly behind his mask. His lips spread into a slow smile, and he gazed coyly at Raphael. "I can't get rid of them," he stressed, "but you could, for me."

"And how the hell am I s'posed ta do that?" Raph queried.

Leonardo shrugged. "You call yourself a ninja, don't you?"

"I am a ninja, asshole," Raph growled. As usual, Leonardo ignored his anger.

"So be one. Divert them, distract them. Scare them. Do what you usually do when you go out looking for criminals, just stealthier. If I see you, I have to fight you, and we both know you don't want that." Leonardo said. "Help me get rid of them, and I'm all yours tonight."

"So basically, I'm yer errand boy." Raph concluded.

"You're already an errand boy," Leonardo tossed back, jerking his chin at the grocery bags on the ground. "But this errand will get you what you want in the end."

Screw with the dragons, and get laid later...loathe as he was to trust a single word coming out of Leonardo's mouth, the prospect was definitely appealing. He grumbled a reluctant assent, and Leonardo grinned. "Good." He raised his arm to his mouth and pressed his fingers to the band on his wrist until a purple light began to blink. A voice emanated from it, tinny and distorted, but still recognizable as Hun's throaty growl.

**"*What?*"**

"Get down to street level," Leonardo ordered, glancing at Raph. "I'll be there soon."

**"*Yeah, sure.*"**

He ended the communication. "There, all lined up. They're at Roddan. Just don't let them actually see you."

"Yeah, I got that part." Raph snapped. He shook his head and bared his teeth. "I swear if yer spinnin' me-"

"I'm not." Leonardo said earnestly. "I promise. I hate them just as much as you do." He pulled the mask back over his face and stepped back, pinning Raph with a teasing look. "And I have been missing you."

He jumped off the roof and left that hanging between them, and Raphael half growling, half drooling in his wake.

* * *

 

By the time he reached the closest building overlooking Roddan, Leonardo still hadn't arrived and the Dragons were indeed milling around at street level, picking grimy fingernails and teeth with knives and kicking at the rats scurrying out of the alleyways.

Silently, Raph jumped on and swung down a fire escape ladder, shifting his body weight into his back so seamlessly that the rusty hinges hardly squeaked. He vaulted himself backwards off the ladder and onto a dumpster. His fingers barely touched the slimy metal surface for a second before, with a powerful surge of his arm muscles, he was airborne again, lighting gently on the balls of his feet in a turn back only a few yards from the humans.

He crouched in the darkness and stilled, waiting. It was like he was hunting, and the beast inside of him wriggled and flexed its claws in anticipation, squirming just under his skin. He couldn't help letting a small rumbling growl escape his throat. It echoed a bit, faintly, and the dragons closest to him glanced up.

"What the fuck was that?"

"I dunno."

"I didn't hear it."

"Ya know," Hun started suddenly, "I really hate that guy."

"Who ya mean, boss?" one of the goons answered. "Shreddah's kid?"

"Nah shit, dipstick," Hun snarled. "A' course him!" He started popping the joints in his sausage like fingers, glaring murderously. "Him...he ain't even a 'him', he's a freak, a goddamn mistake just like tha rest of em."

"E-easy, boss," another one spoke up, looking pale and nervous. "Member Reggie..."

Hun snorted through the phlegm in his nose. "That frog wouldn't dare try that on me. I knew 'im when he was barely a little green shit stain, back when he was damnear suckin' Karai's panties jus' ta get some attention from 'er."

"Really?"

"Yeah!" Hun said. "I could'a squished him back then. I probly should'a. We would'a been better off. He thinks he's hot shit now, but he ain't. I 'member," he brayed out an ugly laugh, "I 'member, Bishop used ta call him 'it', and 'that thing'. The doc used ta hide scalpels in his bed. Big Man would punish him by lockin' 'im in a cage in tha lab and makin' 'im watch the experiments on the other freaks." He guffawed out loud, shoulders shaking. He started doing a mocking impression of a scared child, pitching his voice high and tenuous. " _Lemme out, Otō! Ah promise, I'll be good! I'm sorry! Waaah!"_

The others collapsed into laughter. Raph's heart constricted and smouldered painfully, knuckles aching to cut themselves on Hun's gorilla teeth. Words couldn't explain how much he wanted to leap out there and just-

Another Dragon jumped up with a smug, confidential look on his face. "I heard at the Tower that somebody got in his ass when he went ta Japan, fucked 'im real good, and didn't ask first either."

"I was on that trip," Hun said. "Didn't stay long, but I heard that too. Served his ass right. I bet he was a sucky lay." More laughter. "Can't trust no mutant, if ya ask me. They're all no better than tha goop they crawl out of, 'specially Leonardo. I still think he's kicking it with them bitch ass Hamatos- probly screwin em, more likely."

A few more disparaging comments and they all fell silent again. Ten more minutes passed before a shadow passed over them, and Leonardo landed on the roof opposite Raphael's alley. "Stop lazing around and get up," he ordered coldly. "We still have work to do."

They obeyed, lurching to their feet and collecting various weapons. In the shadows, Raphael zeroed in on the one closest to him and furthest from the others. Thin and bony, with a grease caked psuedo mullet and boots that looked like they'd been taken off a homeless guy. His blood jumped a few degrees, and he prepared to spring.

"...-over to Chesnut, we have confirmation that they're home. Three people cut the alarm and phone lines, one distracts the-"

Leonardo was still talking, and the others were pretty much all up the side of the building. No one was looking back and the skinny Dragon wasn't paying attention.

 _Now_!

" _Wh-GAH_ -!"

The streetlight illuminating the area shattered in a burst of sparks and glass at the same instant he flew backwards and off his feet, seemingly snatched by an invisible force and dragged swiftly into the dark alley. Only a small fragment of a yell got out before there was no sound at all.

"What the HELL?" Hun's head appeared back over the railing. There was nothing to see, except for one lone, scruffy, torn boot.

"PETE!" he bellowed, scanning the gloom with absolutely no luck. "PETE!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Leonardo asked, sounding supremely irritated. He looked over the railing a minute later.

"My man Pete!" Hun yelled. "He's fuckin' gone! He was right there! Somethin' grabbed 'im!"

"I don't see anything. He probably decided to leave."

That only seemed to piss him off even more. "HE AIN'T NO COWARD! Somethin' grabbed mah Dragon and we need ta-"

"We need to continue the mission," Leonardo cut across him smoothly. "We don't have time for your people's antics. The heat for this failure will fall on your heads much more than it will mine. We're moving on. If you have a problem with my decision, you know who you can take it up with."

"...No."

"Great. Now move it, and try to keep up. Who knows what kinds of Monsters are lurking around this city? Not me, of course, as you helpfully pointed out." They turned and fled. Down in the dark of the alley, Raphael removed his fingers from Pete's carteroid artery and grinned sharply.

* * *

 

It didn't get any better from there, at least for the Dragons. But the beast was having a blast. All through their trek across the city, Raphael picked them off like injured antelope in a migration. They'd take shelter from a cruising police car in an alley, and once the patrolman passed another punk would be gone. Leonardo would tell them to go check out a "suspicious noise", and the three that went never came back. Two more vanished right off the roofs, seemingly slipped and fallen, but there were never any screams or bodies left below.

It was the best thing ever, tracking them down and separating them, seeing and hearing and FEELING them get more and more terrified the longer it went on, smelling the fear oozing out of their pores. The struggles were quick and silent, not deadly but always a little bloody by the time he managed to subdue them.

One by one, little by little, until there was only Hun, Leonardo, and four Dragons scared out of their puny minds left. They stopped on the roof of a school right at the mouth of a residential area, and Hun was blowing his shit.

"THIS IS BULLSHIT!" he screamed. "BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULL-"

"Your people are pathetic." Leonardo told him angrily. "They can't even be trusted to carry out something this simple. Desertion is a new low, Hun, even for you."

"AH DIDN'T-!"

"Needless to say, we're done here. Go home. I'll be reporting this back to the Foot, and I'll be shocked if you keep your contract with us after tonight."

Mute and indigo with fury, Hun couldn't do anything other than turn and leave, the remaining Dragons following him nearly comatose with gratitude.

Leonardo stood there motionless until they were long out of sight, then twisted and yanked the mask free of his face. "They're gone."

Spattered with red and breathing hard, Raphael made his way up and over the edge of the building to where he was. Leonardo smiled viciously.

"You did better than I thought you would." he said. He cocked an eyeridge at the blood staining his emerald skin. "Did you kill them?"

Raph shook his head. "No," he said, words thick with adrenaline and exertion. He really did feel like a beast at that moment, grotesque, mindless and demanding and automatic, kneeling at the feet of his master. His body was practically vibrating with restless, urgent energy and we wanted to purge it all.

Leonardo laughed lowly and beckoned him closer, towards the direction of the motel across the city. "Come on, _Monsutā_. It's going to rain soon. You'll get what I promised you."

On a rooftop far away, as the first few raindrops started to fall, a collection of grocery bags sat lonely and abandoned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monsutā: Monster.


	27. You Take My Breath Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raph discovers a new kink.

The journey back to the motel was a complete blur. One minute they were vaulting over alleys and swinging from gutters, and the next they were tangled on the motel matress, trying to catch their breath while Raphael worked to strip Leonardo out of his covering, forcefully pulling off piece after piece of the black fabric until it lay in a heap on the floor. The blood on his flesh, still wet from humidity and sweat, rubbed and transferred, traded between them and made them a big mosaic of green and red.

Red and green, like...green beans and spaghetti sauce.

The groceries.

_OH SH-_

"Oh, shit!" he hissed, reaching up frantically and removing Leonardo's hands from his mask. "Shit, the food, I gotta-"

"What-?"

Like a signal from the heavens, his hip started vibrating, practically screaming at him.

"Shit, shit, shit," he chanted, leaping from the bed and scrambling for his weapons, nearly falling on his face in his hurry. His stomach was packed with ice and he felt like throwing up- in his bloodlust and yearning for physical contact, he'd completely forgotten-

Leonardo rolled around to face him, scowling fiercely. "What is wrong with you?"

"I was shopping," Raph gasped. "Before I ran into you." He looked to the side, caught his reflection in the mirror on the dresser, and winced. Sweaty, frazzled, smudged with crimson. He sure didn't look like he'd been shopping. He gripped a corner of the old musty bedsheet and stuck it in his mouth, dampening it, then started scrubbing at the bloodstains on his face and limbs. "I had some food, I gotta get it an' take it home or I'm dead meat."

"Oh." Leonardo blinked, spun his eyes in their sockets and huffed a laugh. "That's what's got you so distracted?" He stretched out and snatched at the sheet, knocking it from Raph's fingers and going for his mask again. "That can wait, can't it?"

Raph snapped his teeth together and brushed him off, tightening the knot once again. "No, it can't. I said I'd be right back." God only knew what kind of hell would rain down on him if he didn't get that stuff back to the lair. Now that he was thinking again, he couldn't avoid the sharp wasp sting of guilt in his chest when it found him.

Was sex really becoming that important to him?

_Yes._

"As adorable as that is," Leonardo drawled, "I'm sure they can feed themselves without you. They'll be fine for a few minutes."

Raphael tried his hardest to ignore him and finish cleaning himself up as best he could. His phone hadn't stopped ringing in all that time, adding a hyper, nervous soundtrack to the situation. He pulled it out, but hesitated slightly in answering it, providing Leonardo a chance to pluck it out of his hand and move it out of reach of his instinctive grab.

"What the ffuck-!"

"Come on," Leonardo said, tossing the phone onto the nightstand with a hard thump. "You're seriously going home? That's the complete opposite of the point to all this."

"Do that again and I'm breakin' yer fingers." Raph threatened, recovering his phone and silencing it desperately. "Stop bein' such a girl."

Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw a weird emotion- was that fear?- tighten Leonardo's face. But it passed too fast for him to be sure, and by the time he looked again, there was nothing but a sneer. "I'm the girl, when you begged me to abandon my duties. Sure."

Raph flushed. " I didn't beg-"

"Right." Leonardo waved a three fingered hand and pushed himself to his knees lightly, dragging his clothes closer to the bed with the tip of his foot. "Have fun with that, errand boy."

"I'm comin' right back, damn." Raph said. He wasn't actually certain of that, but he figured as long as the food got there and Mikey could do good thing in the kitchen, he could leave with a half baked excuse, have some fun, and be back in time for dessert. That didn't make him a horrible person- slash- brother, did it?

 _Yes_.

Leonardo shot him an incredulous look over his shoulder while he pulled on the top part of the black covering. "Sure, but I'm not going to be here when you do."

Raph's sclera swallowed his irises as his eyes widened in disbelief. He was too taken by surprise by that answer to be irritated. "Huh?"

"You're choosing to leave. I'm not waiting up for you. You're fun, but you're not that fun. And I have my dignity." Leonardo said breezily.

Meaning he wasn't getting any, AGAIN. That painful thought momentarily drowned out the rush he was in to get back home, and forced his mind and mouth into action. "I mean, hold up, w-wait, wait-" he rambled, backpedaling uselessly.

"Why?" Leonardo asked, venomously innocent. "You said it yourself, you have to go home."

His head was starting to hurt. Raph glanced around the room like the answers were hidden in the wallpaper, and received no help. His brain was screaming at his dick and his dick was yelling right back. "Yeah...jus' lemme...twenty minutes-" he stammered weakly.

Leonardo sighed heavily and ran his tongue around his lips. "Listen to me," he clarified, taking one swaying step towards him, then two. "You can go if you want. It's your choice." He trailed his digits gently up Raphael's thickly muscled arm and dug his blunt nails into the cleft under his bicep, making the humerus beneath ache with something that transcended discomfort. "But if you leave, so will I."

He had to make a decision. Saliva flooded the back of his throat, and Raph swallowed hard to clear it. It tasted sharp and acidic, like the evening dose of medicine he'd no doubt be forced to choke down when he went home.

Go, and pretend like everything was just fine... Or stay, be used and abused and wrung out, tormented and teased until his mind turned to soup and his body pled for mercy.

"I...uh," he grunted, struck dumb as Leonardo rocked against his body. It was getting harder and harder to think as the blood leached from his brain. The rational side that kept bitching at him to walk away was rapidly being suffocated into silence.

A few minutes wouldn't _kill_ anybody, would it?

"They'll be alright." Leonardo murmured into his collarbone, squeezing his knuckles. "Won't they?"

It was like a fog was surrounding him, burying the noisier thoughts. "Y-yeah," he breathed, letting his head roll back as the phone dropped from his fist and into Leonardo's. The guilt hit him again, once, hard and biting, as he heard the beep and clatter of it being forcibly turned off and thrown back onto the nightstand.

Not long, just...

Just a little while.

Leonardo coaxed him back onto the bed and undressed again, slithering out of his clothes as sensuously as possible. The last bit hit the dusty floor, and then Raphael didn't need to be coaxed anymore.

( _Was that relief, in those mocha colored orbs?_ )

He skipped the preliminary kisses and went directly to the joint of the other males neck and shoulder, worrying it with bites and bruising nibbles like a starving man presented with the biggest, juiciest fruit from Eden's Tree. He was leaving marks and he couldn't bring himself to care- his adrenaline was up and flowing, making his muscles burn and his veins feel twice as large. He was guessing Leonardo felt the same way. Instead of being reprimanded, Raph was rewarded with low groans that reverated through his jaw and skull.

Even those little noises spurred him on, heated his blood so much he couldn't help but thrust his hips up. It had only been a week and a half since their last meeting but it might as well have been an eon. He felt like a lion or some other sort of predator, one that gorged once every while and then went hungry for days on end. He was famished for the feel of skin on skin, body on body, deprived of it for so long and now he couldn't go without it.

He soaked it up like a thirsty plant and still couldn't get enough.

Sudden stabs of concentrated pain made him look up in time to see Leonardo bite down into his wrist, just shy of breaking skin. Raphael stared as he did it again, putting the veins underneath in danger and locking his teeth around the circular bone below his palm. Raphael gripped his chin, and his throat dried as Leonardo drew his finger into his mouth, sucked gently, then captured it between his teeth, biting just hard enough for Raph to feel it all the way down to the tip of his cock.

He inched it in, joint by joint, tip to knuckle to base, slicked it up and swirled his tongue up and over and around, slowly, teasingly, staring at him the whole time. He fit his tongue to the length of his digit and Raphael shivered, guts giving a squirm. He pressed down on the wet muscle and felt it curl. His cock was hardening up and filling out in no time at all, pushing insistently against his slit.

"Suck me," he blurted. Leonardo's eye gave a flutter that might have been a half hearted roll. He jerked his head to the side, forcefully displacing Raph's finger so he could talk.

"That would mean you have to drop down first, wouldn't it?" he replied, with more sarcasm than was probably needed.

"Dun' care," Raph returned, tracking his lips openly with his eyes while he spoke. Call it a forfeit, but all he wanted at that moment was that slick, sinister mouth on him. He'd rather jump rope with his small intestine than admit it, but he was positive Houdini and the Pope would call Leonardo's throat a miracle.

Leonardo tilted his head to the side, a sadistically evil gleam in his slowly darkening brown eyes. "Hmm. You're asking me to let you yield?"

Raph swallowed an agitated growl. "Guess so." If ever there was a time he was not in the mood to play Leonardo's games...

"Ugh. I hate winning by default." Leonardo pushed against his chest, surprising him and forcing him to pull back. He stood up, Raph following right behind him. "It's dishonorable."

Raphael was finding it very hard to remember why he hadn't just gone with his first mind and crushed Leonardo's neck all those weeks ago. No orgasm was worth this fucking stress.

"So what?" he snapped. "What tha hell d'ya want me ta do?"

Leonardo twisted his mouth into a smirk. "You don't know? I think you do. Maybe you could try to ask politely..."

Translation: Beg me like a little kid.

"An' maybe ya can go fuck yerself." Raph retorted bluntly, before he could even begin to edit himself. Immediately he figured he'd get some kind of punishment for talking recklesss, but it was too late. He didn't know what it was about Leonardo that just made him want to rebel, but it never failed. It wasn't real authority exactly, it was more like knowing that he thought he owned him.

Maybe he does. The side of him that was fighting the "training", or whatever the hell he was trying to do, wouldn't let him accept that. But he suspected Leonardo liked when he fought.

The aforementioned turtle only smiled, ice and poison like a rattlesnake smoothie. He leaned up on his toes until their faces were inches apart. "And maybe I'll go home and fuck someone else, and you can spend another quality night with your hand."

Raph felt his blood pressure rise a few ticks. A feral noise beat at the wall of his teeth, but instead of letting it escape he gulped it down and showed his incisors in a wide grimace as a wonderful idea occurred to him. "Yeh'll do it if I ask nicely, huh?"

"Perhaps." Leonardo reiterated loftily. "If you use please and thank you like a civilized mutant. You do know what those mean, don't you."

"Fine," Raph answered, eyes gleaming like burnished coins. He pitched his voice at the highest it could go and warbled out the fakest, blatantly scathing sentence he'd probably ever spoken. "Would ya please pretty please get down on yer knees like a slut and swallow my dick... thank you." he spat.

Leonardo's eyes slitted dangerously, and Raph desperately hoped that the fact his heart momentarily leapt into his throat didn't show on his face. He tensed, physically and mentally bracing himself for the retaliation that was sure to come.

To his surprise, the crease between Leonardo's eye ridges smoothed out before it even finished forming, and a strangely amused expression spread over his face. Raphael watched apprehensively as he slowly started to bend down to one knee.

He gestured at Raph's protruding groin when he got there and gazed up at him expectantly. "Well? Do I have to do it all?"

Raphael shifted and glared suspiciously down at him, uncomfortable with the sudden agreement. It smelled like a trap, but he WAS on the floor.

He shook himself, squared his shoulders, and reached down to slip his half hard length out of his shell, glistening and flushed, wet at the tip. It twitched excitedly as he watched Leonardo lick his lips and felt him place a hand on his thigh. He could feel his breath hitting him in warm, moist gusts, and he shivered in expectancy, eyes drifting closed. The hand on his thigh moved down to the back of his knee-

He didn't even feel the hard pinch, underneath the sudden, god awful feeling of an invisible cement block falling on his legs. Raphael yelled out and pitched backwards, slamming onto his shell so hard the momentum from the impact rolled him to the side and onto his belly. When he peeled his beak off the floor and tried to stand, ready to beat himself a black masked turtle, his guts dissolved as he discovered that he couldn't feel anything below his knees. The pain had faded away, leaving a tingling numbness. He blanched and tried to wiggle his toes- nothing.

"What tha hell did you do?!" he panted, straining to raise his upper body with his arms. Leonardo stared down at him with eyes that were flat and implacable, his expression caught somewhere between mirth and smug disdain as he leaned against the dresser.

"Put you where you belong." he said. "Your level of rudeness is unbelievable. It's like you forgot what I said to you when this all started. You have to be good to get what you want."

"Ya don't want me to be good," Raph said arrogantly, angrily. "Ya like punishin' me."

Leonardo gave a small smile, and Raphael knew he was right. Leonardo made up his little rules and then pushed him into breaking them, because he got off on wrestling him back under control.

That's what did it, he realized with a jolt. The control. Even when he allowed Raph to be in command, he still ultimately in control.

"As much as I love seeing you on your knees, that paralysis will become permanent in a little while." Leonardo told him. "I'll take it off, but only if you make up for your rudeness."

His eyes raked like a touch over his body and Raph wasn't sure if the knot in his stomach was one of want or humiliation as his lips quirked at the corners. "What do ya want?" he asked wretchedly. He felt like he was surrendering and part of him hated it.

"Come over here," Leonardo mandated. "Use your mouth for something other than talking back." His incisors showed as his lips curled over them. "Crawl."

"Fuck you," Raph hissed immediately, before another jab of dull pain struck him in his leg and he flinched. "Ah..."

"Tick tock, Raphael."

Ashamed, burning both inside and out, Raph forced himself to his hands and started half crawling, half army wiggling across the room, his lower legs trailing uselessly behind him. Sweat lined his brow and neck by the time he reached Leonardo, glaring shakily at his feet.

"Ain't there some other way ta get back at me?"

"Oh, plenty. But would that turn you on as much?"

He looked up for support and saw only a raised eye ridge, so he gritted his jaw and started to claw his way up Leonardo's body, grabbing for his knees and hips until he himself was kneeling. His blood rushed to his cheeks and chest at the mortification he was enduring. He had to force himself to move, his body rebelling at the degrading action even as he did it. He felt Leonardo's eyes on his face and shuddered, imagining how he must look. Like an animal, probably... It was only a testament to how fucked up he was that the thought forced a moan out of him, more a harsh breath than a real sound.

"Drop."

"Work for it."

"You sorry son of a-!"

Leonardo raised a hand to hit him and he flinched, biting hard into his lip, yearning halfway for that painful contact. To his ( _disappointment relief_ ) the slap never came. Trembling a little and not sure why, he rubbed quickly at the other males slit, growling when his hand was batted away.

"Come on, you can do better than that." Leonardo chided, teacherly. "Try again."

_I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate_

Bile and resentment filled his mouth, his head was pounding with fury, but he parted his jaw and laved his broad tongue over the v shaped indent in Leonardo's plastron, slathering the bony plates with trails of saliva that dripped down onto the floor between them. He heard the turtle above him hum happily and he did it again, smashing his face into the space between his legs and suctioning the excess moisture away until the wooden dresser creaked under Leonardo's hard grip and his slit started to open beneath his lips.

Raph pushed a finger into his cloaca and Leonardo hissed, a low feral sound rumbling in his chest. He wiggled and pushed until, with a grunt, inch after inch of sticky cock spilled out and into his face.

"Good job," Leonardo breathed, rolling his hips a few times. The simple praise went straight to his heart, made it convulse and mushed it into a warm, oozing pulp. _Did something good..._

He averted his eyes and prayed the thought hadn't been visible there before he viciously crushed it. I don't need his damn approval.

_But do you want it, though?_

"You don't hear that a lot, do you?" Leonardo mused. "I can tell. I don't, either. More than you do though, I think."

"Shut up," Raph snapped. Almost petulantly, he sucked the first half of his cock to get him to stop talking. For a while it worked. Leonardo tensed and relaxed with every slide of his mouth over his shaft, shaking and swaying, gasping when the head popped through Raph's teeth and stretched his cheek out and shuddering when he tried to take him deeper.

"I wonder does he know," Leonardo whispered. "Do they all know, what kind of monster they live with. What it takes to sate it."

Raph gave him a dark look and pulled away from his length. "Like ya do?" he asked, sarcastic.

"More than them," Leonardo replied, stroking the top of his head. "Otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"I'm here cause I wanna be." Raph sneered, jerking out from under the gentle touch like it burned him with its falseness. "Just cause you got a nice tail and a pretty mouth don't mean I hate ya any less."

"You need this, and me. You need me to punish you in a way they won't, release you in a way they can't. That's why you keep coming back." Leonardo grinned. "But keep thinking that." His fingers kneaded the sensitive dip at the back of Raph's head firmly and his anger sank back into the folds of his brain as his spine responded in kind, arching as much as his shell allowed. His mouth fell open and Leonardo pushed in again, hot and salty, widening his lips mercilessly.

"That's why you keep fighting me," he moaned. "I'm not afraid to make you behave. Even if I asked you for total obedience, you wouldn't give it to me. Part of you would want to, but you ultimately couldn't. And I-" he trailed off with another gasp when Raph bit him and swept his tongue back and forth over the throbbing vein, fisting a hand in his mask and thrusting into his throat. "-w-want...that." His tail came down, shiny and extended, flexing every time Raph swallowed. He noticed offhandedly that the appendage was slightly crooked, bent like it had been broken at some point and never fully healed.

_Maybe it happened when he was-_

Raph hollowed his cheeks and sucked messily, struggling to draw in air around him and drawing him in further as a result. The dresser shuddered dangerously while Leonardo quaked against it, breathing through his teeth and finally fucking Raph's skull with the mindless roughness he wanted. The violent movements made his own erection knock on his thigh and he realized that he had dropped down without noticing. His cock felt like a loaded gun ready to go off, heavy between his legs, and he reached down to pull it only to have his hand kicked off.

"No," Leonardo growled, "not until I say you can. That's mine, you're mine." His eyes were so dark Raph could see his reflection in them, alongside the monster that matched his own. Where his beast was hot and angry, raging, Leonardo's was the opposite- cold and commanding, vicious and possesive.

Raph let out a harsh whine and closed his eyes to the sight, mentally begging him to come so this would end. He could feel himself slipping back into that strange subspace where nothing mattered except being needed, wanted, used, close to someone else. He gagged and shivered and sucked and licked for what felt like eternity until Leonardo whimpered and snarled and shoved himself all the way in and past his gag reflex, holding his head steady while spurt after spurt of boiling cum gushed down his throat. "Good, g-good," he choked, "s-so good, Un, _Monsutā_ , mmm-!"

 _Shut up, shut up, shut up_. He didn't need that from him, he didn't- it didn't make him feel good, it did NOT-

When it was finished, Leonardo released him and pressed his finger to a random spot on Raph's leg. He moaned in relief as his nerves came back online and the blood rushed back into his veins, dizzying him for a minute. He stood up with no small amount of wobbling and staggered over to the bed- ashamed, unsatisfied, and aching. Leonardo was steps behind him, pushing him up towards the headboard and gripping his engorged cock in hand.

"Lay down," he demanded. Raph obeyed before he could think about it, and then he bucked up and cried out as the unbelievably hot silky wetness of Leonardo's mouth enveloped him and gulped him down to the root in two seconds flat. "Ah, _fuck_!" he yelled, instantly delirious with the feel of the tip of his head rubbing against the slick, ribbed arc of the roof of Leonardo's palate and the bottom caught between the softness of tongue and the hardness of teeth. "Oh fuck, fuck, yeah, Oh-"

Leonardo rolled his neck skilfully, sliding back to run his lips over one side, swallowing him down once before repeating the move on the opposite side, somehow managing to create suction from that. He scrubbed his cock over every surface in his mouth. Raph felt the pressure of a finger exploring his hole and poking at his gland.

His orgasm pounded low in his stomach like a hammer and he could feel it rushing up on him fast and furious, curling his fingers into talons in the sheets, but just as it started to break upon him Leonardo stopped and slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle his bellow of protest.

"Shh, ssh!" Raph struggled against his hold half heartedly and scratched at his wrist and arm, trying to push him off, still scattered from his denied orgasm. Leonardo pressed harder against his face, mashing his lips into his teeth and covering his nose.

"Be quiet and listen!" he hissed, craning his neck towards the window and narrowing his eyes. Through the blood surging in his ears, Raph tried to hear what it was he was hearing, arousal dying quickly once he thought about what it could be- The Dragons, maybe, or the Foot or- GOD FUCKING FORBID his family having tracked him down. They both froze, the only thing moving being their hearts beating rapidly, and voices floated up from the sidewalk two floors below.

"Did you hear that?"

"Nah, I didn't. I think your ears are going, Sammy."

"Hm, maybe. I could've sworn I heard something up there."

"That place? It's been empty for years, Sammy, come on. It was probably a rat, or some street kid. Now come on, we gotta fix this water main before somebody flushes a toilet and the whole street floods."

As they continued to jabber, Raphael became aware of a slight, rapidly growing burn in his lungs. Leonardo's hands were still over his mouth and nose, and a small wiggle revealed that his mask had gotten caught and bunched under his shoulder, coiled around his neck. He hadn't been breathing for about a minute.

His heart broke into a gallop, and he was suddenly very aware of how intensely he could feel it in his limbs, and even his groin. He reflexively sucked against Leonardo's palm, jerking a little, growing heavier and heavier the longer he didn't draw breath. Again he found himself split between thoughts and sensations- most of him was panicking, alarmed, freaking out, but the other part was horribly fascinated by the white noise taking over his senses, and the pain radiating out from his chest like heat waves. He could hear his own fear, something he'd never done before, and it-

"I think they're gone," Leonardo said, some untrackable amount of time later, muffled and cottony sounding. "They were sewer workers..." He let go of Raphael's mouth and shifted slightly, just enough to dislodge his mask from under his arm.

Awareness exploded like a supernova in his brain and a full breath seared into his lungs, the best tasting air he'd ever had, clarity almost painful as he gasped and coughed and _breathed breathed breathed._

_Holy. Fucking. Shit._

"Oh," Leonardo said, for once looking completely surprised and apologetic. "I didn't realize- I'm sorry. Are you-" He paused, blinked, blinked again, as something dawned on him. Raph watched through wet eyes as a strange smile spread over his face and he deliberately bounced his hips up and down, drawing a punched sound out of him as the movement jarred his rock hard member.

"Oh," he whispered, chocolate irises lighting up with glee. "Oh. You're...you're _hard_." He pulled the word through his teeth like gum, circling his hips around again and watching Raph shake. "Very hard." He stretched out along his body and rested his hands lightly at the base of Raph's collarbone, like a warning, or a promise. "Do you like this?"

He put a little stress on his emerald skin and Raph groaned. "Answer me. Do you like that?"

"I dunno," Raph wheezed, when he pressed down a little more. "I dunno, I dunno."

"I think you do," Leonardo said, delighted. "When I had you tied up a few weeks ago, you liked that too, didn't you _Monsutā_?"

Had he? He didn't even remember. This was the first time he'd felt that way from not being able to breathe.

"You want more?" Leonardo asked, voice like velvet. He didn't wait for an answer, wrapped his hand around Raph's throat and cradled his cheek with his thumb. Raph's limbs trembled with the effort of holding them still, lungs pulling desperately for more air, caught somewhere between a gag and a cough as his fingers dug in deeper. On queue, his cock pulsed, gaining hardness by the second when he felt it starting again- the tingle in his limbs, heat in his chest, rush and boil in his blood.

Leonardo let up right when his vision started to fuzz and stradled him, bringing his legs up to squeeze Raph's member between his hard thighs. The flood of air and the feeling of the heat and tightness made Raphael's vision swim. When he looked up and saw Leonardo on top of him, and felt the clutch of wet, sweaty flesh on his length, it was like-

_Like I'm fucking him._

It felt ridiculously good, made better when Leonardo started undulating on him, humping and riding on his dick like he'd been training for it his whole life. He convulsed when Leonardo's knee came down on his neck, cutting off his oxygen without warning. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe and it was so-

He found out just how flexible Leonardo was when he leaned down and nipped at the side of his face, not letting up an inch on his windpipe and not faltering in his rhythm. Every one of Raph's senses were shutting down as he convulsed, but everything was ten times as clear. He could taste the musk and sex of them in the air laying stale and useless on his tongue, and Leonardo's teeth felt razor edged and acute in his skin.

A short pause while he was allowed air, before Leonardo replaced his knee with two hands, bending down far enough to lock their mouths together and trace Raph's lips with his tongue in a mockery of the kiss of life.

"It must be so unfair to you," he crooned. "I promised you that you'd have me, I keep dangling it in front of your face to watch you jump for it, then I snatch it away. The things I could do to you..." His rocking increased in tempo and his legs constricted even more, the resulting maelstrom of sensation driving a breathless, soundless squeak out of Raphael that had started as a yell. "I could keep you hard for hours, fuck you until the only thing you knew was how to say "more" and my name."

_Oh my fucking God yes please, please._

A small allotment of air hissed down his throat, and the choking pressure returned like clockwork. He stared up at Leonardo while he started to die all over again, and a surge of hot rage crystalized his vision.

He wanted to gag that pretty mouth and press his face into the pillow and fuck him until he cried. He wanted to punch that cocky look off his face and hit him until he bruised. Fuck, he could picture how good his hands would look wrapped around that pretty neck...

With the last bit of strength left from the air trapped in his cells, Raphael pushed up and shoved Leonardo backwards and off him. The bedposts scraped loudly on the floor as he pulled the other male closer by his ankle, fitting himself on top with one of Leonardo's legs on either side of his pelvis. He fingers coiled around Leonardo's neck in the same instant the other male seized his mask, using it to pull himself up into his lap before jerking it down around his throat and pulling it closed like a noose.

Leonardo threw back his head and huffed out a laugh past the bruising grip on his esophagus and widened his legs so that Raph's swollen cock slid past his own and into the seam of his ass with each thrust, battering his gland and getting drenched in wetness and precum. Their gasps and strangled moans mixed together into something almost feral, something that made goose bumps rise up thick on his arms.

No air meant no screams when they came, but they may as well have been howling with the sheer emotion that warped their faces when their climaxes swamped them, moments apart. Raphael honestly thought his eyeballs were going to pop out of his head. He didn't know if he was thrashing from the pleasure or the lack of air rapidly spinning him into unconsciousness, and he wasn't sure exactly whose cum splattered thickly across his stomach ( _it might have been him, but then it might not_ ) and then the thighs he was gripping were slick and white and why did this feel so good, so fucking good.

The lights went out.

* * *

 

When he came out of it, he was still on the bed, laying in a large wet spot but not giving a single damn about it or anything else. To his groggy surprise, he wasn't alone this time. Leonardo was still there, on the other side of the mattress, not touching him but not making any moves to leave, either, and he didn't really know how to feel about that.

He breathed in deeply once, twice, and didn't cough. His throat hurt, but not enough to actually feel bad. Besides his throat, he felt... Balanced, again. Drained, but in a good way. Better.

Damnear...happy.

_Probably just the meds kicking in._

There was movement behind him, shaking him from his thoughts. Raph turned his head and saw that Leonardo wasn't asleep. The other male was up and staring at him drowsily. "I didn't have to resuscitate you, so I'm guessing you're alright." he stated.

Raph swallowed a few times before attempting to answer. "Y-yeah. 'M cool."

"Good. It would have been unfortunate if you died. I would have been bored again." Leonardo replied, closing his eyes and shifting his position on the sheet.

"Gee, thanks," Raph muttered dryly. Heat rose in his cheeks as he thought about how off the rails things had gotten. "You, uh, ever done that before?" he asked, hating himself for blushing more when he felt Leonardo's gaze refocus on him.

He didn't respond for a while, and when he did, his words were slow and measured, cagey. "I've... catered to a lot of people's preferences. Choking isn't too rare."

There was an unspoken BUT hanging at the end of the sentence, and the longer it was there, the more irritated and curious it made him. Maybe it was the afterglow loosening his tongue and clouding his good judgement ( _where_ ), but he decided to ask.

"Yeah, and?" Raph prodded. He felt Leonardo tense.

"And nothing."

The chilly tone of those two words made Raphael lose the rest of his nerve, and the conversation dropped like a thermostat in a meat locker. Time passed in silence as they let their bruises heal.

"What time is it?" Leonardo mumbled into the pillow after a while. Raph grunted and reached over for his phone, turning it on. "Uhm... twelve oh two."

This was so... Weird. They were both awake, done with each other, and yet no one had left. It was strange, surreal.

"You should go." Leonardo suggested. "Your family is probably losing their heads right about now."

"What about you?" Raph asked, before he could stop himself.

_Why the hell do you care? Why is this suddenly awkward as hell?_

From the quizzical look on Leonardo's face, or the portion Raph could see, he was thinking the same thing. "I can do whatever I want." he said. "As long as I report tomorrow morning." Raph thought that smelled faintly of bullshit, but didn't comment on it.

"I probly should go," he sighed gruffly, dreading the thought of moving around. He knew he was getting his thorax removed when he got home, but there was no point in delaying it. "I doubt I'll get out for a while."

Leonardo made a non committal hum and sat up suddenly, collecting his black clothes from the floor. "I almost forgot." He shook them a few times, almost like he was looking for change, and then something small and hard fell out and bounced on the bedspread. He picked it up and held it out. "Here."

Raph peered closer, slightly wary. "What is that?"

"A burner phone." Leonardo told him. "Untraceable. I have a matching one. This meeting up randomly thing is getting annoying and I don't have time to look for you all the time."

Raph cautiously took the device from him and verified that it was indeed a phone, flip style and a nondescript black color. "How'm I supposed ta know it's untraceable?" he asked skeptically. Leonardo rolled his eyes. "For the thousandth time, if I wanted you dead or captured, you would be." He held out his hand to take it back. "If you don't want it, fine."

Raph's fist closed around it and he pulled it away. "No," he said quickly, tucking it into his belt in the pocket opposite his shell cell.

Leonardo smirked humorlessly and lay back down. "Great. You really should be going home though, before they start looking for you." He didn't say anything else as Raph gathered his scattered weapons and walked to the window, but Raph caught his reflection in the grimy glass before he left, stretched out causally behind him, and an awful feeling hardened behind his lungs.

_I don't... Wanna leave._

_It's the sex, he told himself firmly, frantically, the sex, that's why. That's it. It's good fucking._ He looked up and saw Leonardo's image wave at him, before wrenching it open and fleeing.

* * *

 

No one was waiting to murder him when he returned to the lair, and for some reason that just made him feel guiltier. All the lights were off and there was no obvious sound, but Raphael still tip toed through the front area and bypassed the bathroom and a shower, figuring that turning on the water would be suicide.

He had to pass the dining room to get to the stairs, meaning that he couldn't avoid seeing the plate wrapped in tinfoil sitting sad and accusing in his usual spot. He sank his teeth into his cheek as his insides tore themselves to bits. Lights and clacking sounds from down the hall made his intestines knot up- it was coming from under Donnie's door.

 _Shit_. After debating with himself on whether to escape upstairs like a punk or actually try to make this better, he gave up and trudged to the lab. The door opened when he pushed on it, but Donatello, who was on the computer and bathed in its blue light, didn't even glance in his direction.

"Donnie-"

"I guess you got lost anyway, huh."

Raph winced. Donatello's voice had taken on the monotone, deadened sound it did when they were facing an enemy. "I didn't mean ta stay out so late."

"I'm sure." He still didn't look at him. "Mikey was disappointed, but, you know," he shrugged sardonically, "he'll get over it. You might not even get in trouble with Sensei. I don't think he's going to yell at you. He's _tired_."

If guilt was physical, it would have long since crushed him into a slimy pile. "Donnie-" he tried again. He jumped a mile when Donatello slammed his laptop shut and rose to his feet. "Speaking of _tired_ ," he interrupted, "I'm going to bed."

"Donnie, I'm sorry." He tried to grab for his brother, and Donatello slipped his hand. "Whatever." The genius was down the hall and in his room in seconds, leaving Raphael standing in the middle of the floor, feeling like he was slowly, agonizingly being torn in half.


	28. Something Fishy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Leatherhead nearly outs Raph, The press is not free, and brother and sister have a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse the weird, funky line break. I went back to edit this chapter a little only to discover the regular ones had vanished from my toolbar :(
> 
> Update: NVM!

Another week-that was Raphael's punishment. Another seven days added to his grounded term (goddamn, he was forgetting what the sun looked like), a week after that until he could work on his bike again, shopping responsibility for the rest of the month, and going to bed with no dinner for the next three days.

Harsh? Probably. Worth it?

_Fuck yeah._

That realization came later though, and it didn't lessen the guilt that held his heart in a stranglehold the next morning, standing mute and cowed under his father's disappointed stare as he delivered the sentence in the dojo, somehow unable to look anywhere but his own green toes, curled into the mats like a naughty child. Donatello was right- Splinter didn't scream, or even raise his voice above speaking level. When he handed down the verdict, he was stern and quiet, and very very _tired_.

It was shocking and a little scary, how frail he looked, swallowed by his long robe with bruise colored eyelids. He leaned so heavily on his cane he looked in danger of tipping over, and the wooden staff shook gently under his weight. A small patch of fur around his neck was less sleek than the rest of it, as if he'd lost the energy to tend to it while grooming.

Splinter was old, but it was rare that he appeared so...old.

Raph said nothing in his own defence (honestly, what could he say) as Splinter finished delegating his punishment and finally turned to leave with no lecture, and Raph knew it was worse that way because he really deserved one, even to the point of wishing for one.

"You will complete five hundred push ups before you are allowed your next meal." Splinter said in parting, shuffling towards the door with a stooped posture, like not yelling had exhausted him more than yelling. "Your brothers will be your weights."

"Yes, Mastah."

Mikey and Donnie had apparently been waiting for him to say that, because as soon as the screen slid open they moved past him and into the room. Mikey smiled encouragingly, but the lines in Donatello's forehead was fixed in a frown.

Raph's sighed resignedly and dropped down onto his knees, then lowered his upper body into pushup position. He groaned when he saw Mikey's feet move forward- the youngest was the smallest, but also the heaviest. It was a real medical mystery.

"Sorry, dude," Mikey apologized, setting down gingerly on his carapace and crossing his legs. "It was either this or 1,000 sit ups."

"I'm keeping count," Donatello added.

"Dude, come on, I'm not that dumb." Mikey protested.

"You'll go easy on him." the genius countered, leaning against the wall to wait his turn. They'd switch off every hundred. He sounded no less pissy than the night before. Raph huffed out a sigh and started the set, corded arms straining to lift both Mikey's and his own bulk.

One, two, three...

"Donnie," he started, catching his breath between rises, "I already... Said... I'm... Sorry."

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen...

"You're always sorry." Donnie deadpanned. "I'm pretty sure that's now my least favorite word."

Twenty, twenty one, twenty two...

Mikey must have felt Raphael tense underneath him, because he cut in quick as hell with a sudden subject change. "Uh, we were gonna go check on Leatherhead later," he said. "You should come Raph, you haven't seen him in like forever."

Thirty six, thirty seven, thirty eight...

"Can... I?" he gasped sarcastically. "Thought...we was...on...lockdown."

"You are," Donnie clarified, enunciating the pronoun just to irritate him. "We're not. And I guess it's okay because you're not leaving the sewers."

"Ya don't...sound...real...excited."

"Oh really? How can you tell?"

"Guuuuys," Mikey whined. "You sound like two old ladies in a Home. Kiss and make up already. Please?"

Fifty four, fifty five, fifty six-

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mikey. I'm perfectly fine." Donnie told him. Raph couldn't see the look on Mikey's face in response, but he could guess.

"Yeaaah, suuure."

The next forty or so pushups passed in silence. Mikey patted his shell to stop him and stood up, switching places with their genius brother. Raph barely kept his elbows from buckling when Donnie damnear jumped on his back, and he was surprised nothing cracked. He bit his tongue against the complaint slash threat he desperately wanted to make and started up. Mikey started blathering about going to visit Leatherhead again, and he let his mind wander to the continuous strain, motion, and slight burn in his muscles, trying to keep it from landing on the phone wrapped securely in a hoodie he'd outgrown a year ago and hidden under a loose slab of stone in his bedroom floor.

To be honest, he was afraid to even turn the thing on. There was absolutely nothing that said as soon as he did, it wouldn't start transmitting some kind of tracking signal or release neurotoxins, or something equally crazy.

Maybe he'd start it up somewhere in the city, away from home, just to be sure. If he ever left home again, that is, which was doubtful. The amount of trouble he was in kept piling up and up and up, and here he was contemplating doing the EXACT SAME THING that he was steady getting into trouble for again.

If that wasn't addiction he didn't know what was. Leonardo was probably laughing at him, lounging on a throne or whatever the hell he did all day.

 _Must've been real nice, growing up being him_.

Unless... it hadn't. He knew, however unwillingly, about the past incident, and Hun had said-

_Yeah well who says he was telling the truth?_

He was talking to his own people, why would he lie? And having the Shredder for a dad wouldn't have been easy. Just look at now Karai turned out. The girl's emotional state was like Dr Phil's wet dream.

_Like you can talk._

Aw damn, there was that pity again, the very thing he DIDN'T want to keep feeling about anyone that wore the Foot crest.

Raph squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his chin, focusing himself on his pushups and solely his pushups. Another fifty, then a hundred, then fifty, then fifty, fifty-

"Dude, get off him! That was 550! Can you count?"

"Was it?" Donnie said airily. "Sorry. Preoccupied." He pushed off of Raph's back and nimbly avoided the halfhearted punch aimed at his Achilles' Tendon. "We're leaving in a few minutes."

Raph wheezed and collapsed onto his side, the pain he'd been ignoring rebounding back through his arms as soon as his muscles relaxed and leaving them limp, aching noodles. "C'n I...get a... minute, A-hole?!"

"Why, Strong Leader?" Donnie sniffed. "What's five hundred pushups to someone who traverses the city night after night?"

Alright. Enough was enough. He'd felt his requirement of guilt and he wasn't going to hear that all damn day. Especially when HE was the leader, but Donnie was treating him like he was a little kid.

"Donnie, alright," Raph sighed, dragging himself to a sitting position and meeting his brothers indifferent hazel eyes. "Ah'm really, really sorry. Ah get it, ah'm a huge jerk and I suck and I'll nevah do it again."

The look Donatello leveled at him made it look like he'd licked a bad lemon. The longer they locked eyes, Donnie finally sighed and glanced away, but not before Raph saw the slight softening in his gaze, and grinned triumphantly. Donnie always forgave him.

"Love ya, braniac."

"Shut up..."

Mikey leapt up and threw his arms around their shoulders, squishing them together like a family photo in a cheesy sitcom. "Awww, look at us, all happy again!"

Donnie shook them off and rolled his eyes, stalking towards the door to hide his grin. "We need to go. I told him we'd be there by ten."

Raph brushed Mikey off when he tried to jokingly kiss him, and he followed behind them slowly as Mikey scampered into the kitchen and Donnie vanished into his lab.

Today would be a normal day. He was going to visit Leatherhead with his brothers. No Leonardo, no Foot Clan, no awkward, unwelcome feelings, no sneaking out. Just one, normal day.

 _Please_.

* * *

 

The walk through the sewers was surprisingly comfortable, actual jokes and jabs being exchanged. The tunnels grew colder and colder the deeper they descended, until Leatherhead's ramshackle hut loomed out of the slimy darkness, built into a large section of pipe that had crumbled away and exposed a cavernous type space in the network- their first lair.

He must have smelled them coming, because even as Mikey was yodeling his name, the giant gator stuck his head out of the shelter and beckoned them forward.

"Donatello. Michelangelo. Raphael. My friends," he rasped, smiling happily- or what passed for a Leatherhead smile, really just an opening of his jaws and a rumbling, growl like chuckle. The dim lights from the gas lamps set up around his home gleamed off the sharp incisors in his maw, a little disconcerting in the beginning, but pretty much par for the course now.

Mikey rushed forward for a hug, and Leatherhead returned the squeeze gently. "Hey, buddy! We missed you."

"I have missed you too, Michelangelo." the croc answered. He turned to the other two and smiled at them just as warmly. "And you."

Something hard balled up inside of Raph's plastron. He hadn't been down here in forever, even before the whole mess with (not gonna think it). It was unacceptable and he knew it. "Yeah, us too." he told him, clapping him firmly on his scaly shoulder.

Still holding Mikey, Leatherhead looked at Donatello and stood from his stooped position a few inches. "Donatello, the small heating system you gave me has begun to emit cold air and make annoying sounds." he informed him seriously.

Donnie blinked and brought his eyeridges together. "Your space heater is broken?" he clarified. Leatherhead bobbed his neck, nodding his huge skull up and down. "Yes, I think so. I have been very chilled because of it. Can you please fix it?"

"Of course," Donnie assured. They followed him into the shelter, and Raph plopped down into a mostly flat bean bag cushion while Donnie sat cross legged and drew the small device into his lap, surveying it and running his hands over it. "Hmmm... yeah, this heating coil is loose. I'll have it fixed in no time, though. You should have called about it earlier."

"I will," Leatherhead said earnestly. Mikey wiggled his legs to attract his attention, dangling from his huge arms like some kind of deformed baby doll. "Uh, dude? Leatherhead?" he squeaked. "You can let me down now. I think we've reached maximum hug levels."

The giant croc set him down on his feet immediately, an expression of chagrin on his face. "I apologize."

"Eh, it's cool." Mikey reached back and slung an old grocery bag off his shell to present it with a flourish. "We brought some leftovers." The food was from weeks ago, and the only reason they still had it in the fridge was because they saved it for Leatherhead. Mikey made shit tons of stuff every night in recent times, but years of growing up with limited food and never really knowing where the next meal was coming from meant they ate every bite out of instinct.

Raph couldn't remember how many times he'd stuffed himself sick as a toddler, just because he didn't know how long it would be there.

"We still gotta work on that hugging thing, I guess," Raph mumbled, while they rifled through the food, and Donnie snorted out a laugh that he passed off as a cough. "So how have you been, Leatherhead?"

"I have been well," Leatherhead said, in between shoveling lasagna down his throat. "This is very deep under ground, so no one from the surface comes here. Except for the Foot soldiers, of course."

Their heads snapped up in unison. "Foot soldiers?!" Raph barked. "Down here?"

"No, not here exactly." Leatherhead clarified. "But I hear them when I leave, closer to the surface. They do not see me, but I hear them."

"What're they doin'?" Raph asked, and Leatherhead rolled his enormous shoulders in a shrug. "I do not know. I believe they are looking for something."

"Was there," Donnie started, glancing at his brothers, "anything strange about them? Any of them." Raph's stomach curdled- he knew what Donnie was asking.

"Not particularly," Leatherhead said slowly. "The girl was with them. But there was...a smell, I have not encountered before. It... reminded me of you three, actually. The girl, she was drenched in it. It was male, I believe..."

His eyes darted over to Raph, and the knot in Raph's gut clenched tighter, but Donatello looked damnear excited in the worst way. "Really," he mumbled. They asked him a few more questions, but he didn't know much else. Eventually, the conversation dropped.

Leatherhead wandered over to them after a short while, when Donatello was absorbed in his task and Mikey was trying to get a signal on his little six station tv. Raphael looked up when his shadow fell over him, and he saw that Leatherhead was smiling again. "Raphael."

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I have not seen you in even longer time than I have not seen Donatello and Michelangelo. Are you well?" Leatherhead asked, tilting his head slightly.

Raph shrugged and shifted in his seat. "I'm great." No need to go into details.

"Indeed. You and your mate must be very happy."

The next few seconds were kind of surreal, like they didn't really happen, or they happened in slow motion. Nobody said anything, and the air condensed like solid matter, at least to Raphael. The knot in his stomach imploded, sending pure, unadulterated FEAR through his limbs.

Then the screwdriver slipped out of Donatello's fist and hit the floor with a clatter that sounded like a death toll. Mikey let out a low choking noise, somewhere between a laugh and an exclamation.

"Excuse me...what?"

Leatherhead, completely missing Donnie's low, bewildered tone, Mikey's shell shocked expression, and the frozen corpse that had once been Raphael, not to mention the complete 180 of the atmosphere, nodded confidently. "The smell? The one that lingers around the Foot soldiers? It lingers on you as well Raphael, along with faint pheromones. I just thought..."

With every word, he was making it WORSE.

He'd taken two showers that morning, TWO, how in the hell was Leatherhead's nose that damn strong-?!

Donnie turned slowly towards him, and the look on his face...every alarm bell started sounding in Raph's head, and through the panic, the only word he could think of was LIE.

"D-dude?"

LIE, DUMBASS, LIE!

"B-blood!" Raph blurted. The story made itself up word after word after that, and all he kept thinking was lie, lie, lie. "That's, that's why I was so late, I found some blood, mutant blood, an' I tracked it ta the Tower. He was hurt, I guess, I think it was his, but I stepped in it, I thought I washed it all off but I guess I missed some."

It just might have been the worst lie he'd ever told. There was no way his genius brother and intuitive little brother would believe that, no fucking way. In his head he was mentally packing his bags.

The silence stretched on and on, until finally Mikey gave a little shudder and turned back to the tv. "Ew."

Donatello frowned, but miraculously, picked up the screwdriver without another word, and Raph's heart started beating again.

_Oh my fucking God it worked._

Leatherhead's forehead wrinkled. "Oh. I am sorry, Raphael. I did not mean to make untrue assumptions."

Still stunned that it was over that quickly, half of him still stuck in fight or flight mode, Raph simply nodded. Leatherhead looked at Donnie. "I suppose you know this person?"

"Mmhm." Donnie ground out, tightening his fingers on the handle of the screwdriver until his olive knuckles paled. "He's a mutant that runs with the Shredder." His grip tightened even more, and the plastic creaked. "Leonardo." He said his name like a curse word. "Some kind of brother figure to Karai. Feel free to eat him if you catch him, Leatherhead."

Mikey giggled nervously, but Raph looked at Donnie's face, and saw that he was dead serious. The gory image made a sour taste well in the back of his throat.

Thankfully, Mikey chose that instant to have a short attention span attack and started bugging Donnie to help him with the channels on the tv, dragging the focus away from Leatherhead's sense of smell. Raph glanced over at Donnie a few times- he didn't like the look on his face, part thoughtful and part stormy.

He'd known Donnie hated Leonardo, but he didn't realize he hated him THAT much. He didn't even hate Karai that badly. It was weird, especially since they'd only interacted a handful of times, and the black masked turtle had been no more horrible than his sister.

Raphael shook himself and resigned not to think about it any more, and just be happy he'd avoided total dismemberment.

* * *

 

"I'm telling you Jerry, you're really going to like this," April chattered excitedly, pacing around her living room with her phone glued to the side of her face, too frantic to sit in one place. In her hand was her notepad, page after page filled up with information from her latest session with Jack. "I've been working on this forever, and I think this might be Pulitzer winning stuff."

On the other end, her editor Jerry Flannigan harumphed. _**"*O'Neil, you've been neglecting your other stories for this ghost lead. I'm starting to lose my patience.*"**_

April would not be discouraged. "Jerry, trust me on this. It's great. I'm going to turn this city upside down."

_**"*Well, what's this magical story then, huh?*"** _

April bit her lip and tugged on her ponytail. "I don't know, I should probably keep it under wraps. My source is pretty secretive-"

_**"*An anonymous source?! In my paper? April, I'd expect this from some wet eared rookie, but you?*"** _

"No, no it's legit! I swear!"

_**"*Who?*"** _

"I can't tell you who it is," April said firmly. "But I'll give you the topic, as long as you keep it to yourself. It's not quite ready yet."

_**"*O'Neil, gimme a break. I'm a journalist just like everybody else at this place. Lay it on me.*"** _

"Alright." April grabbed her phone with both hands and forced herself to sit down on the couch. "You've heard about...about the Foot Clan?"

The reaction she received was not what she was expecting. Jerry guffawed loudly, making her cringe. _ **"*That scary story the cops tell the kids to keep them off the streets? O'neil, that's New York's Bigfoot. That don't exist.*"**_

"It does exist! I've seen them!" April argued hotly. "And I have proof."

_**"*What kinda proof, April? Some kid's uncorroborated testimony?*"** _

"They're an actual Foot soldier. Jerry, they're giving me EVERYTHING. Financial information, associates, details to unsolved crimes, conspiracies, corruption, illegal experiments..." April gushed, getting excited all over again just thinking about it. "The Mayor is even involved, and God knows who else. I know this is real. I can feel it. I'm so close to being finished."

Jerry was quiet for a minute, and then April heard him blow out a puff of air. _**"*That's...damn, O'Neil, that's...really something.*"**_

"Something?!" April yelped. "Jerry, this is amazing. This is-*"

 _ **"*April, listen to me.*"** _ he interrupted, sounding more serious than she'd ever heard him. _**"*If that's true, and everything we've heard about these people is true, then...are you sure you need to be doing this?*"**_

"What do you mean?"

_**"*I mean...you've got a family. A kid. Maybe you shouldn't be poking beehives if you don't have any bug repellent, you know?*"** _

April rolled her eyes. It was a sweet sentiment, but not one she wanted to hear. Besides, she had plenty of "bug" repellent. "Jerry, like I said. I've got this covered. This isn't even about being famous, it's for the city. It's for my kid. Someone needs to put a stop to these people."

_**"*Alright, O'Neil. I guess I can't stop you. Just run it by me when you're done before you do anything. And be careful.*"** _

"When have I ever not been careful?"

They hung up. Across the city, looking out over the buildings from the view in his Editor's office, Jerry chomped on his cigar and leaned back in his chair.

Of all things, he hadn't been expecting to hear THAT from his best reporter. Honestly, April wasn't happy unless she was trying to be on the cutting edge of something. He shook his head, and the end of his stogie glowed cherry red.

April was a good kid. But somebody really needed to teach her to mind her own business.

He sat up, brushed a few ashes off his shirt front, and reached for the phone again, punching in a number. It rang for a few minutes while he stared at the skyline.

_**"*Yes?*"** _

He put two fingers to his lips and removed the cigar, blowing out a cloud of smoke so he could speak. "Yeah. It's Jerry Flannigan, from the Times." He paused, and the person on the other end made an irritated noise. _**"*Well? I hope you didn't call just to chat.*"**_

"No." The man glanced at his office door, and continued to speak. "Put me through to Mistress Karai. We may have a real problem on our hands."

* * *

 

Leonardo had never ceased to stop being the talk of the Tower, even now a month after his arrival, so it wasn't difficult to follow the whispers and find out where he was without threatening anyone or asking outright, and it didn't appear obvious Karai was looking for him.

She found herself in one of the lower levels, turning the corner to one of the meditation rooms. The screen was closed and the lights were off, making it appear unoccupied, but the crowd of tittering pubescent trainees was a dead giveaway to who was inside.

Karai's lip curled, and she brought her pale hands together with a sharp crack of skin, startling them. "You have three seconds," she hissed, "to leave, before I start slitting throats."

They scattered like roaches. Unable to help herself, Karai grabbed for the girl closest to her, tangling sharp nails in her pathetically perky, childish ponytail and making her squeal. "I suggest you grow up," she hissed, sneering at the purposely exposing neckline the girl wore, nearly low enough to expose the nipples on her small, barely there cleavage. "else your odds of survival here don't look too good. You consider yourself a seductress? It's insulting. Find satisfaction for your xenophilic fantasies elsewhere."

She flung the girl away from herself, wiped her hand on her pants as though she'd touched something disgusting, and pried open the flimsy screen, closing it behind herself.

It wasn't completely dark. One candle was lit in the holder in the center of the room, casting just enough light to see the figure seated motionless in front of it. The room was cold, except for that one almost agonizingly warm flame, and did strange things to the hair on Karai's arms. It smelled like thick melted wax and concentration, and she shivered. Inaudibly so, but Leonardo finally broke his trance and opened his eyes, the irises glowing a deep mahogany gold from the fire.

"Karai," he said formally. Not sister, or Ane. She breathed in and clenched her fist to get it to stop trembling. "Brother," she returned. "Have you found peace?" she asked, gesturing at his folded legs.

She thought she saw his eyelids twitch, like he wanted to roll them. "What did you need, Karai?"

 _You._ She bit the side of her tongue. "I need to speak with you." she began. "Alone."

Leonardo didn't move. "We are alone," he pointed out, and she did roll her own eyes then. They'd never been truly alone in their entire lives, except maybe in their heads. "No. _Alone_."

"If I step foot in your room, or you in mine, he'll kill us both. You probably shouldn't even be here right now." Leonardo said, finally standing and going to relight the other candles.

Karai growled and slapped her palm against the light switch on the wall, making them both flinch and blink. "There. The intimacy of the dark is gone." she said sardonically.

"Couldn't this wait until-"

"No!" she snapped. She switched from English into the first language she could think of- Catalán, something they'd been taught together as children. " _We need to talk about what happened."_

" _What is there to talk about?_ " Leonardo replied, in the same language. " _He found out, we got punished, end of story. It'll mean our heads if we so much as hug each other_."

" _It's not fair,_ " Karai growled. " _He's treating us like incompetent dogs. I'm forced to spread my legs to men more fitted for a spit roast than a position of power, but when I actually choose my partner, I suffer."_

Leonardo glared at her, exasperated. " _Did you grow up here, too? When has fair ever been a thing for us?"_

She abandoned Catalán and started into Tagalog. " _We could **make** it fair."_

" _What are you talking about?_ " Leonardo said, flawlessly changing tongues.

" _Only one can rule. Right?"_

_"Right. And?"_

_"As long as The Shredder allows, only one of us may rule."_ she stressed. When there was no spark of realization in his face, she stomped her foot. " _As long as he **ALLOWS**. It's a little hard, as a commander, to **ALLOW** anything, if you're no longer in command."_

That did it. Shock broke over his expression, followed by horror, and for a moment it was like they were five again, and she had just suggested they sneak out and play in the snow.

" _Get out_ ," he hissed, shuffling back like she'd thrown poison at him. " _Go, leave, we never had this conversation."_

" _Leonardo-!?"_

 _"No,_ " he growled. " _You're going to get us slaughtered- you're talking about treason, about-"_

 _"About ensuring our survival!_ " Karai supplied, this time in Latin.

" _About deposing our Father._ " Leonardo said harshly. " _Are you actively insane? How would you think that would ever work?"_

 _"He has no shortage of enemies. Together, we could garner enough support to secure the throne without bloodshed."_ Karai reasoned. " _The Foot clan has always changed hands through treachery. The only reason we were raised in New York is because Grandfather had the foresight to send Father away, but he told us himself that he had been on the verge of planning his own uprising."_

_"Its dishonorable!"_

_"It's TRADITION!"_ Karai whisper screamed. " _It could mean our lives! We are talking about Oruku Saki. He terrorized us- he terrorized you!"_

 _"Look at me_ ," he demanded, eyes hard. He gestured to himself with a flick of his wrist, the  movement disdainful. " _I'm stronger for it. I'm not like you. I am a freak. Without him, I'd have been nothing. I wouldn't have made it to eight, let alone eighteen."_

Karai bit her tongue until she tasted blood, and swallowed it along with the words that rose to the back of her throat as twinges of remembered pain made the flesh on her back crawl.

_'You are the only one that knows this Daughter. If he repeats it, I'll know it was you, and you will both pay for your careless lips, Leonardo more so.'_

" _This is necessary, little brother,"_ she pleaded, finally falling into ancient Japanese. " _If we do this, we will be able to live our lives the way we desire, and have what we want wholly and unquestionably. That, for me, is you._ " She stepped forward, so close she could see his neck muscles straining. " _I will have no one else." she admitted quietly. "I refuse to be forced to hate you."_

" _And if he refuses to step down?_ " Leonardo asked. " _What chance do we have then?"_

 _"That is why we must strike first!_ " Karai exclaimed. Leonardo huffed out a disbelieving laugh, but his frame was tight with anger, and she felt it time to stop. " _I don't want an answer now. I only wanted to make it known that it was an idea."_

 _"You should go,"_ Leonardo said lowly, not meeting her eyes. _"Now."_

And Karai, chest aching, did something that she couldn't remember doing ever in her memory- turned, opened the screen, and retreated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	29. Fanart: Cereza (Happhei)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More fanart! By ff guest Cereza, also known as Happhei on DA. They're one of my most faithful readers and I love them so much. This is completely theirs and I take no credit.
> 
> Non explicit, safe for all ages. Follow the link to tell them how much you love it. 
> 
> Original link:  
> [Antithesis Fanart](http://happhei.deviantart.com/art/Antithesis-Fanart-577608958) by [happhei](http://happhei.deviantart.com/) on [DeviantArt](http://www.deviantart.com)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is done in 2014/Out of the Shadows style, and there might be more coming.


	30. Toybox (PT 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Donnie makes a mistake, and Leonardo is full of surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got to be 6,000 words, and had to be cut in half. The next part will be up in a day, tops. Pinkie promise :)

' _Damn damn damn dammmmn...'_

Another wave of spinning nausea derailed Raphael's mental curses, driving his head further down into the toilet bowl as his throat convulsed and a river of bile crawled up his esophagus. The tiling was hard and frigid on his knees. He was sweating and shaking, hunched against the roiling pain in his gut.

He'd basically become a junior alcoholic at fourteen, courtesy of Casey Jones, so he was no stranger to kneeling in front of the porcelain throne after tossing down one too many. But this time his sickness wasn't his fault. Firstly, it was only twelve in the afternoon, and he hadn't touched a drink in nearly two weeks.

Secondly, this had begun right after he'd swallowed down his early dose of medication so he could eat. His breakfast sat like a rock in his stomach all morning, churning throughout practice, actively hurting during meditation, and finally driving him into the bathroom before lunch.

In his dizziness, the only thing he could think was that _this was all Donnie's goddamn fault._

He groaned, and retched, flinching when someone knocked on the locked door, the sound magnified horridly. "Raph!? Are you alright?" Donnie. A hot flicker of anger momentarily cut through his nausea.

_Oh yeah, just peachy. Peachy fuckin' keen, except your kooky medicine poisoned me._

"G-go 'wway _..."_ He didn't want them clucking and circling like mother hens over him. This was embarrassing enough without all of that extraness. It would pass and he would be fine... Ish.

 _Hopefully_.

More knocking. "Raph! Dude, are you sick?" Mikey, this time, anxious.

"Sh-shut up..."

Footsteps could be heard retreating from the bathroom. He closed his eyes and dropped his head onto the rim of the bowl, futilely wiping moisture from his lips. All he wanted was for them to just be quiet and leave him be, but apparently that wasn't going to happen.

Seconds later, there was ANOTHER knock, but this one wasn't flesh on wood. It was the sharp rapport of equally tough material, and then Splinter's voice replaced the worried tones of his brothers. "Raphael! What ails you, My son?"

 _Snitchin' little... I'm gonna pound them._ As soon as he could lift his fists.

"N-n-" His intestines rolled, cutting off his denial with yet another surge of puke. "N-nuthin..." he rasped when it passed. "M'alright..." Internally, he knew no one was going to believe that, but it was worth a try.

_Please, please just go away. Please go away._

Splinter's voice was muffled through the wood but no less commanding when he spoke again. "Raphael, you will open this door at once!"

_Or what? Ya gonna punish me more?_

Whatever. Probably better to just get it over with, let them dote and worry. Sighing wretchedly, Raph reached up to undo the lock, then kicked the door open, and just that simple motion making the contents of his stomach bubble. His headache made his vision swim, but he was lucid enough to see Donnie blanch and Mikey grimace as they sureyed him.

"Aw, man, dude..."

Splinter's expression clouded over and fixed in a solemn frown. "Can you stand, Raphael?"

 _Fuck. No._ "Y-yeah." Even though the mere thought of moving was sickening, Raph was determined not to be carried out of the damn bathroom like a helpless two year old, at least if he had anything to say about it. He sucked in a deep breath and held it and his gorge while he rocked back on his heels and struggled to his feet, picking up his leaden legs and dropping them and forcing himself to sway towards the threshold.

His father wasn't convinced. "Help him," he ordered, spurring the other two into action. Raph started to protest, but they ignored him, ducking under his arms and supporting his weight on either side. Even as they hauled him into the main area, he was still trying to play it off like he hadn't been emptying his intestines a few minutes ago.

"D-Dammit, leg'go, I'm al-alright..."

"Don't be foolish." Splinter snapped, squinting. "Lay him down." he told the others.

"Where?" Mikey huffed. "In his room?"

"No, of course not." Splinter waved a hand dismissively. "That ridiculous hammock will only make this worse. The laboratory."

 _No no no no no._ The lab meant needles and more medicine and shit he had no time for. Grunting, unwilling to waste energy speaking again, Raph shook free of his brother's holds and staggered over to the couch, deaf to their complaints.

He collapsed face first into the cushion and didn't even try to stop his legs from curling loosely into the fetal position, gulping miserably. He felt like absolute SHIT.

Unseen by him, Splinter's brows were creased with worry, shading his eyes. "Raphael. What is wrong with you?" His hands were tight around his walking stick, and his ears were flattened and still, tail whipping sharply. Nothing frightened the old rat more than one of them getting sick. Illness was one enemy he'd never been able to defend them from, invisible and unsympathetic. He'd become even more paranoid about it after First Son died.

Raph recalled fuzzy memories of him crouching by their crib late into the night- then a cardboard box taped to the frame of an old playpen- listening to them breathe, frantically mumbling prayers to ward against the lung sickness that killed their brother.

"Did you eat something bad?" Donatello queried, nervously twirling the ends of his violet mask around his fingers.

Mikey recoiled and shot him a smelly look, pitching his voice high with disbelief. "You seriously think I'd give you guys rotten food, dude?" he asked, incredulous.

Donatello crossed his arms overt his chest and cocked an eye ridge. "Maybe not on purpose, but we all know your attention span leaves a lot to be desired-"

Not the bickering, anything but the damn bickering. He was already sick enough.

"Meds." Raph gurgled thickly into the arm rest. There were two plus sides to telling the truth- one, Splinter might take pity on him and blame his recent bad behavior on the medicine failing. And two, he wouldn't have to take it anymore.

"..."

"... what?"

Wincing at the awful taste in his mouth and the continued ringing in his skull, he turned his face towards the floor so that his words would be clearer. "The meds, Donnie's fff..." he remembered to edit himself at the last second. "...ffriggin' meds, made me _fuckin_ ' sick!"

Well, he tried anyway.

"Watch your mouth," Splinter reprimanded automatically. But the scolding held less heat than it normally would have. He folded his hands into his sleeves and appraised Raph's prone form with a steely eye. "Are you saying that your medicine had this effect on you?"

Throat raw and wrecked by stomach acid, Raphael only nodded. He felt all of the attention in the room turn to his immediate younger brother, and despite how suckish he felt, he grinned into the green flesh of his arm.

_Ha ha._

"Donatello?" Splinter started. Donnie flushed a dusty brown across his beak and shuffled his feet. "Um... I mean, the medicine is only supposed to regulate serotonin and dopamine levels, but it could be alerting the chemical reactions in his digestive system."

"In English, Don." Mikey drawled. Donnie sighed heavily and started again with the dumbed down version. "They're supposed to make him happy but they could be messing with his gut."

"Ya think?" Mikey snorted. And then Splinter said the magic words.

"If he were to cease taking them, would this correct itself?" he asked. Raph's heart leapt.

Donnie chewed hard on his nail and cut his eyes to the side. "He might get more sick if I take him off all of them completely. I could ease him off of maybe the Symbyax- the third one, and just reduce the Depakote and Klonopin. That's safer."

_What?!_

"S-Sensei-"

At the words 'might' and 'get more sick', Splinter was instantly swayed. "Very well then," he said, relieved beneath his stern monotone. "You will do that, and Raphael," he stressed, enunciating the syllables of his name meaningfully, near threateningly, "will not argue."

_Damn._

He didn't reply, but it wouldn't have mattered if he did.

"Sooo, that means we're not gonna go see the movie tonight?" Mikey piped up. The Jones' had invited them, including Splinter who had a fondness for old Japanese monster flicks, to a midnight Creature Feature marathon in Central Park. Raph didn't really care- he had been going to stay home anyway, punished and all.

Splinter shook his head. "I do not know. It depends on how your brother feels later." He smacked the end of his cane on the floor like a gavel, then straightened his robe and made his way to the kitchen. "I believe we have some ginger left, enough for a tea to settle your stomach, Raphael."

Donatello and Michelangelo settled down onto the couch in unison without another word, actually trying to SNUGGLE closer to him, much to Raphael's horror.

"G'offame," he growled weakly. Not surprisingly, they ignored him, squirming close when he tried to wiggle away.

"Oh, shut up and let somebody love you for once." Mikey said, yanking the blanket off the back of the couch and draping it over him. The warmth settled almost immediately on his clammy skin. Uncaring of his grumbling, they started rubbing the grooves of his shell, tracing the nerve paths in the hard material soothingly. His eyes drooped against his will, and he shut them tiredly, taking Mikey's advice and falling resignedly silent.

That was pretty much how the rest of the day went- all three of them squished into a pile in front of the TV, with frequent check ins from Splinter. The first two cups of tea made a steaming brown mess in the trashcan, but the third actually managed to stay down. He slowly started to feel better, dozing and puking and dozing some more, and for a while it was just like being a kid again, getting over a cold with the help of warm bodies and gentle pats. No tenseness, no secrets, no petty fighting.

To be completely honest, he missed it. It was rare that the beast allowed him to feel naturally calm, and rarer that it let him dwell on weakness. Moments like this were about the only time he still did.

Raph was jostled awake out of another light sleep a few hours later by the feeling of the other two trying to slither out from underneath him, muttering in low voices. Raphael focused past the fog of warm stupor and on their individual words.

_"-not sure I wanna go anymore, dude. Not with Raphie sick like this."_

_"I know, I know. But Cody's already going to be heartbroken without him there. Should we wake him up and ask him?"_

Raph guttered out a silent breath and flexed his muscles, rubbery after being in the same position for so long. He rocked until he had enough momentum to roll onto his back, blinking watery, sticky eyes at the ceiling.

The other two watched him apprehensively, obviously waiting for him to start hurling again. Donnie cleared his throat and twitched the corner of his mouth into something that was supposed to look reassuring, but there was a fair amount of guilt coloring his hazel irises. "Hey. Feeling better?" he asked, in a normal volume.

Raph shrugged and chewed noncommittedly on his nail, worrying the ragged edge with his teeth and tasting the dirt underneath. "Guess so." he mumbled, coughing slightly in between words. His throat felt like he'd been gargling staples. "Don't feel like tha exorcist chick anymore, anyways."

He debated whether to sit up or not, decided against it, and decided to shift onto his side, wincing when one of the buckles on his belt dug painfully into the tender sliver of skin between carapace and plastron. Grunting, he got to his feet and headed for the stairs, undoing the clasp as he went. Upon entering his room, he tossed the belt onto his dresser and started removing his knee and arm pads, figuring there was no point in keeping them on if all he was going to do was couch sit for the rest of the night.

He really did feel better, tired and achy but no longer nauseous. His stomach was back to normal, and the only indication that he'd been blowing chunks was the residual taste in his mouth.

A low beep made him roll his eyes and grab for the belt, taking his shell cell out of the pocket to check and see what Casey wanted. His eye ridge travelled halfway up his forehead when he pushed a button and nothing happened. The thing was dead, and cold, so it must have run out of power a long time ago.

So what was...?

Golden eyes darted around the dark space when he heard it again, small and smothered. The third time it happened he began actively looking for where it was coming from, thinking maybe it was one of Mikey's Nintendos or something.

It was coming from the corner, under a stack of Punisher comics he'd borrowed from the youngest. He dropped to his knees, moved those aside, and-

 _Oh_.

His hand stilled as he stared at the loose stone section in the floor, the exact spot where he'd hidden Leonardo's phone.

_Beep beep._

Raphael cursed and gritted his teeth, curling his fingers into hesitant fists. He'd thought the thing was off, and he still hasn't decided whether or not to trust it yet. It could have been a giant trap, but then again this whole situation could have been a giant trap, too.

_Beep beep._

The longer he sat there, the more the curiosity ate away at him, until finally he rubbed a hand over his face and gripped the slab, shoving it out of place and retreiving the old hoodie underneath it. He unwrapped it with shaking hands, and there sat the burner phone, innocuous and terrifying. He flipped it open with his thumb and gulped at the message notification blinking on the dim screen, from the only contact in the list.

 **«It's me. Free?»** The sender was a single letter, L.

Raph bit his lip, mind whirring. The time on the phone said 9:00, but he remembered a few days ago when April called Donnie to invite them to the movie thing in the park. It started at 10 and ran until 2:00 am, and they were leaving the lair early to hang out and eat over there first.

Except he wasn't going, because he was punished and 'sick'. That meant he had at least 5 hours to be by himself...or possibly _not_ by himself. Suddenly he wasn't tired anymore.

He angled his broad back to the door and started to slowly tap out a reply, expecting an army of Foot soldiers to come crashing into his room at any moment.

 **«Yeah. Why.»** Immediately he regretted saying that. _Dumb question, that was a dumb question._ The reply came a few seconds later.

**L: «Why do you think? I want to see you.»**

_Why the hell not._

**R: «Sure. Same place.»**

**R: «?»**

**L: «Obviously. You have 20 minutes, starting now.»**

**R: «30.»**

**L: «Fine. Don't push it.»**

He didn't say anything else, and Raph closed the phone, cramming it in his belt. When he went back downstairs, his brothers were walking out of their rooms in their respective purple and orange hoods and surface jeans, and Spinter was struggling to climb into a concealing grey jacket, fedora, and baggy dress pants.

"Raphael," he began, tucking his tail into the back of the pants. "Will you be alright here by yourself? One of us may stay behind, if you wish, or if you do not feel well still."

"Can't he just come with us?" Mikey offered, pleading. "Just this once?" Splinter sighed, and the look that crossed his muzzle said that he was thinking about it.

"Nah, n-nah, go 'head." Raph blurted quickly. "I'm alright. I'm just tired, I don't wanna go nowhere." He let his lids close halfway and settled back onto the couch like he couldn't keep himself standing any longer, and even threw in a huge yawn for good measure.

Mikey pouted, but Splinter nodded before he could protest. "I figured as much." The expression on his face was almost apologetic. "I sincerely hope that you know punishing you gives me no pleasure, Raphael. But I cannot be lenient in this matter."

Raph dipped his chin and nodded. "I get it." Internally, he was squirming with impatience for them to leave already.

"We'll bring home some food or something." Donatello promised, tightening the cords on his hoodie and turning to punch in the alarm code. "See you in a little bit."

They filed out one after the other, and Raph sat there for about fifteen minutes, mentally tracing the path they'd take out of the tunnels until he was certain he wouldn't run into them when he left. When he was positive no one was coming back because they forgot something, he damnear flew up the stairs to his room, threw on his pads, braces, weapons and clothing, and made a beeline for the tunnels, doubling back to brush his teeth until his gums bled when he accidentally caught a whiff of his own breath and nearly choked on it.

* * *

If he'd have spontaneously grown wings, he couldn't have made it to the motel faster. Even still, Leonardo was there before him when he squeezed through the window, standing against the wall and tossing and catching his own phone.

"Just in time, I was about to leave." he said, and Raph rolled his eyes so hard his temple ached. "Sure." He stripped out of his hoodie and weapons, then crossed the room to where he was, mouth already watering to feel his skin under his teeth.

And this time, there was no residual worry about his family and time limits lingering in the back of his head.

"What's in the bag?" he asked, nibbling hard on the underside of Leonardo's jaw. The black masked turtle pulled away with a sly grin, fingering the strap of the drawstring backpack slung over his shell.

"Something new." he said coyly. "Something I think you'll like."

At the word 'new', Raphael gave a shudder. 'New' with Leonardo typically meant 'new way to turn you inside out', and that in itself was terrifying. But some part of him must have been getting conditioned to playing Leonardo's games, because half of that shudder was composed of anticipation.

Raph wanted to quiz him, but he bit his tongue when be remembered that he was still skating on relatively thin ice from the almost rape incident. He'd taken his penance for that and Leonardo hadn't mentioned it since, but sometimes it felt like Leonardo had silent guilt powers or some shit, because every once in a while they'd lock eyes and his gut would clench sourly in response, even if Leonardo hadn't said a word.

Leonardo smiled at the curiosity burning in his gaze, seemingly proud of him for keeping his questions to himself. "Look at that. He _can_ be taught." He was in almost a playful mood. He let the bag slip off his shoulder and dropped it with a thunk in front of the nightstand, causing whatever was inside to shift around. "Later."

He sat on the bed and didn't say much else, because Raph was on him then, biting and sucking on any part of him he could reach, the bag completely forgotten about in his frenzy for physical contact. He was stunned all over again by how GOOD Leonardo tasted, smelled, felt. He rolled his lip roughly between his teeth and popped it like a berry, pushing a breath of bloody air through his nose at the nails that burrowed into his knee in retaliation.

He grabbed the edges of Leonardo's plastron and pulled him in closer, slammed their lips together and shoved his tongue inside his mouth, drinking in the grunt he received from the rough treatment. In what seemed like seconds later he was hot and pulsing between his legs, tail heavy and drooping with moisture. A quick brush of their groins confirmed that Leonardo was much the same, and he felt the smaller turtles fingers starting to inch up his thigh, seeking out the throbbing place hidden under the lip of his shell.

Raph froze for a split second as the tip of what felt like Leonardo's second digit just barely grazed his opening, slicking through the wetness collecting in the ceases of his skin with feather light sensations that made him shiver. More slid down the back of his leg, and he took a minute to be ashamed of himself. One touch, and he was soaked through.

"Tell me," Leonardo mumbled against his mouth, dragging his finger in a teasing, slowly tightening spiral around and around, "since I showed you this, have you done it yourself?"

He pushed, just enough so that the edges of his nail breached the tight ring, making Raph catch his breath. "N-no." he lied, the memory of the desperate incident behind the true answer filling his face with heat.

Leonardo pinched him, HARD, causing him to yelp, even as he pushed in just a little more, teasing, maddening, prying him open with the speed of drying paint. "You're ly-ing," he sang, twisting his wrist but not doing anything else. Raph cursed and had to mentally force himself not to rock back on his hand like a needy slut.

"A-alright, yeah, yeah I did." he gasped. Leonardo rewarded his honesty with a snicker and a swipe of his warm tongue over his collarbone, not sparing the wet sloppy noise either. "Mm. You used your fingers?"

"I…" Raph groaned as Leonardo sucked a little harder on his neck and wormed his finger a little deeper, to the first joint. The slowness was killing him, and his words were packing themselves up and shipping themselves out of his head. "Um…ah, yeah." Teeth dug unforgivingly into his skin, but there was no damn way he was coming clean about the marker.

"What did you think about?" Leonardo continued calmly, much too fucking calmly to be working his fingers steadily deeper into someone's ass, up to the second joint, and bent like a hook inside him. "Me? Or someone else?"

The question was seemingly innocent, but the last two words rang with a possessive growling tone that promised something not nice if the answer was yes. Raph's heart skipped a beat, but Leonardo's eyes flickered up to meet his before he could answer, and he must have seen what he wanted to see, because his gaze thawed, and he rubbed a ticklish circle on the underside of Raph's tail with his other hand. "Aw. I'm flattered."

"I don't… _fuck_ ," Raph grunted when Leonardo gave him one good thrust, and if he didn't know any better it was like he timed it. A small well of anger started bubbling in his gut at the continued teasing. He felt like he was being kept on the edge of something, similar to the whole ring situation.

"What? I didn't get that."

He sucked in a jagged breath through flared nostrils and snarled through gritted teeth, the tiny well suddenly erupting. "Fuck, just _fuckin' do it alre-!-HAAH-nnhg..._ "

His anger shut off like a tap and he squeezed his eyes closed when he found himself suddenly impaled on Leonardo's finger during his shout, down to the knuckle. The sensation was painful and violent and undeniably good, lighting up all the nerves in his lower body with sparks of equal discomfort and pleasure.

Raphael's head dropped back and he caught a moan trying to escape in his teeth, breathing so hard he could feel the air rushing in his eardrums. His bones rattled in his limbs and oh, god, he hated how much he liked it, small spasms tightening his body around the intrusion. Leonardo hummed and reached down to encircle his cock in an unforgiving grip- he'd dropped without even noticing the feeling of release in his cloaca, or the hard thunk of his length hitting Leonardo's front.

"I guess this is mine for the rest of the night," Leonardo said smugly, sweeping his thumb over the violet head.

"Fuck you," Raph hissed. His harsh tone disgracefully slid into a weak whimper when Leonardo squeezed a dribble of precum out of him and pumped his wrist. The smaller male shook his head and tsked reproachfully. "See, every time I think about being nice, you remind me of why I shouldn't."

 _Nice_?! "Nice mah a- _a-a-ah_ shit-"

He started sawing his digit in and out roughly, reducing Raph's comeback to a shuddering breath as the tendons in his neck flexed tightly. He could feel every catch of his nail, every snag, every drag of his cold skin inside.

"I wonder how open I can get you," Leonardo smirked. He added a second finger without any preamble, scissoring and spreading, curling them at the same time and putting Raph's eyes in danger of popping out of their sockets.

_Don't move your hips. You better not fucking dare move your hips, do not-_

It didn't matter what he told himself, because apparently Leonardo could read minds, and the bastard started rolling his own, effectively making the turtle on top of him shift back and forth over his hand. Raph's body quickly decided to ignore his mental yelling and do whatever the fuck it wanted, following the motion and angling itself back to wait for the fiery stab of sensation that would come when Leonardo finally stopped playing around and hit that spot.

Like he knew what he was waiting for, Leonardo purposely AVOIDED that, stretching and stretching but never touching it. His hand had stilled on Raph's cock as well, giving him absolutely no movement or friction at all.

"What tha fuck!" Raph spat finally, tearing his eyes open and fixing a golden glare on him. "Ya gonna do somethin' or should I just leave?"

"You can," Leonardo retorted, "but then you won't get what I brought."

Raphael growled loudly and blinked sweat out of his eyes. "What tha hell is that s'posed ta- FUCK!" He cut himself off with a yell at the sudden, blinding pressure against his spot, tasting iron as he nearly bit straight through his tongue.

_ohgodohgodohgod **yes**._

Against his will, he canted his hips down for more, panting when Leonardo didn't oblige. "Come on come on," he groaned, grabbing at Leonardo's shoulders hard enough to leave bruises.

"What do you say, Hamato?" Leonardo asked, letting go of his cock briefly to literally swat him on the ass. Humiliation and anger coursed through Raph like a river, flushing his complexion brown, but he worked his throat and ejected the word he knew Leonardo wanted to hear.

"Please," he snarled, the plea catching like barbed wire on his tongue. Leonardo chuckled at his moan as he continued to caress the spongy mass, finally settling it in between two his fingers. He pressed down hard and dragged the tips of his fingers down, squeezing it ruthlessly. Raph couldn't control what came out of his mouth then, a mixture of insults and curses while stars burst in his head and his organs lit on fire.

"Shit, _shit_ , oh _god_ , fuck, fuck you _, ah fuck, y_ eah-"

Leonardo grunted and shivered beneath him, finally allowing himself to drop down. "Don't touch this," he ordered, releasing Raph's length, and Gods help him he obeyed, despite the fact that he was hard enough to hammer nails, anything for more of what he was getting. Leonardo wiggled the first finger on his free hand in beside the two already inside, bringing the grand total up to three, kind of a big deal considering one of their digits was about the width of two human ones.

The burn and the fullness was damnear enough to have him coming right then and there. He shouted out on every thick press against his spot, shaking and tense and positively DRIPPING. Even without touching himself, he could feel his crest surging up, curving his spine inside his shell and making all the blood rush to his head.

"Close?" Leonardo rasped, having to move to avoid getting headbutted as Raph jerked his head frantically. So close, so CLOSE-

He was empty without warning, fingers gone and orgasm halted so fast it left him dizzy. Raphael stuttered out a protest, and Leonardo swiftly shoved him away. In his confused, murderous scramble, the sheet wrapped around his foot and caused him to slip halfway off the bed. Raph roared incoherently. He was going to kill him, really do it this time, right then, break his neck and bash his skull in...

Before he could get his bearing, Leonardo scooped up the drawstring bag from in front of the nightstand and threw it in his face like a makeshift smoke bomb. He caught it reflexively and prepared to beat the hell out of Leonardo with it, regardless of what was inside.

"Open it," Leonardo told him. Simmering, Raph pulled the opening at the top apart and shifted over into the beam of light coming in from the streetlight outside. In the dark, he could barely see, and it didn't help that everything inside was black, with a few exceptions. His fingers brushed something slick and circular, and his eye ridges furrowed, then flew up in shock when he pulled out-

Small, round, clear and blue. The ring.

 _Oh no._ He overturned the whole thing, a horrible feeling curling in his stomach, and out tumbled an assortment of _things_ that only showed up on websites with parental warnings. In addition to the ring, the bag contained a steel bar with rope punched through and knotted at the ends, two dildoes- one made of the same blue glass as the ring, ribbed and knobbed around the head, the other long, flexible and double ended- a cylindrical thing around the size of his palm, a strange device thats shape made his brain hurt, a pile of straps and buckles, and something with a hollow center that resembled a sea urchin mixed with a bottle cap.

More and more spilled out, each one more strange than the last. A tiny bar with two different sized balls at the end, a string of weighed beads, and at least three arrow shaped plugs. The final thing was a small bottle of lube.

 _Ho. Ly. Fuck_.

Raphael gaped at the pile of toys in his lap, jaw scraping the ground, struggling and failing to push any sound past his throat. "Are...are ya k-kiddin' me?" he coughed.

Leonardo shrugged and leaned back against the headboard, half shaded in the darkness, one eye lit and the other covered by gloom. The side of his face slanted in the light made the black of his mask look shades lighter, almost a navy blue color. "What can I say? I never had toys as a kid."

"Where did ya even...?"

"Most of them were gifts." Leonardo responded, nonchalantly.

Raphael shook his head slowly. "Kinky son of a bitch, aren't ya?" He was momentarily distracted when Leonardo spread his legs slightly and ran a hand down his front. "Compared to the Flesh Masters in the Foot Clan?" The side of his mouth pulled up. "You don't know much about ancient Japan, do you?"

Raph dropped his head in his hands and scrunched his mask in his fists. This was just too crazy, and Leonardo wasn't embarrassed at all. "So what, huh? What's the game? I know you got one."

"Game?" Leonardo parroted, eyes opening wide in the picture of innocence. "There's no game. I just didn't want you to get bored." He tilted his head and narrowed them. "Unless, of course, you want to _make_ it a game..."

 _Don't do it, don't do it. It's a trap._ That, he was sure of. But his beast bristled at the challenge, gnashing it's teeth into his heart and hissing do it, do it, do it. Leonardo liked competition just as much as he did.

Raph squinted at him. "... like what?"

The smile Leonardo gave him was gleeful and made him look years younger. "Well, I could see how many toys I can use on you before you black out. Or, I don't know. Maybe I'll let you set the rules."

Raphael glanced at the pile by his knee, thinking hard. To have Leonardo on the receiving end of his own toys... his cock stirred interestedly.

"What if I make ya scream my name?" he said, shivering just from the thought. "If ya do, I get ta take a picture of you suckin' me off."

Leonardo pursed his lips and stared at him intently. "Mmm. And if I don't?"

"Then... I guess ya get ta fuck me then." Raph conceded. Leonardo's grin was sharklike.

"Sounds fair." he drawled. He held up his hand and spread fingers, giving them a wiggle. "Three chances, three toys."

"Four," Raph countered. "Ya got a shitload."

Leonardo huffed, but rolled his neck and agreed. "Fine. Four." He cocked an eyeridge and dragged his tongue around his mouth. "Ready to have some real fun?"

"Are you?" Raphael returned, standing and just as quickly settling himself back on the bed.

Four toys, four chances. He'd do his best to make this foot brat SING.


	31. Fanart: Silage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EVEN MORE FANART!
> 
> This one is from fantastic reader and artist Silage on DA, tumblr, and Inkbunny. Not mine, they made it to go along with my story. Personally, I adore it, and original links are below so you can tell them just how much you adore it too.
> 
> EXPLICIT, so hide the children, and those of you with delicate eyes.
> 
> Link to Inkbunny post: [Original Art by Silage](https://inkbunny.net/submissionview.php?id=990419&page=1)
> 
> Link to Tumblr post: [Original Art by Silage (Tumblr version)](http://madf-user.tumblr.com/post/135568696153/and-raph-leo-strikes-again-whole-image-after-the)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, this was made to accompany chapter 17. Seriously, I could look at this all day and never get tired LOLZ. I uploaded this on mobile, so I hope the size is okay for you cpu and tablet readers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2007/2012 merger style, but mostly 2007.


	32. Toybox (PT 2) (Till you Scream)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two of Toybox. EDITED!

While Leonardo watched with an air of psuedo patience from the bed, Raphael choked back his embarrassment and started rifling through the items, every nerve tingling with anticipation and anxiety. His breath was harsh in the quiet room, a pant, like his lungs couldn't quite get air, and he was acutely aware of how illicit this was, how dirty, and that thought sent a spike of lust through him.

The ring went right back in his fist- a chance to use it against Leonardo?  _Hell_  yes- and his eyes were drawn to the glass dildo, so he set that aside too, but when he turned back to the rest of it he found himself stumped. How was he supposed to pick two more things out of all  **that**?

He picked up the bundle of straps and warily watched it dangle from his hand like some kind of erotic spider, curious and terrified all at once. He tried not to ask for help, but he was so lost, it only took a few minutes of poking around before he broke down and glanced at the other male.

"What's this do?" he asked gruffly, selecting a toy at random, the tiny bar with the balls at the ends. Leonardo sniggered out a derisive laugh. "No."

"Why not?" Raph returned sharply. "Scared I'll win with it?"

Leonardo removed his mask and started winding and unwinding it around his wrist, seemingly bored. But there was a hint of laughter in his voice, like Raph was missing out on a joke. "No. Trust me, I'll show you how that works later. It's a little...advanced." He smothered a grin in the back of his hand and propped his head up on his palm. "You might want to hurry up, though."

 _Oh, hell._ If he chose something dumb and simple, Leonardo would win. But if he picked something super complicated and didn't know how to work it, Leonardo would win, and  _he'd_  be the one getting his cherry popped. Raph grabbed for the weirdly shaped thing and gazed helplessly at the rest of it, sheer pride keeping his second question firmly lodged in his throat.

A soft gasp made him glance over his shoulder, but what he saw made him stare. Leonardo had his tongue between his teeth, panting lightly while he fingered himself with slitted lids, wet and shiny down to his wrist.

"Whu-" Raph sputtered, unable to formulate a full yell. Leonardo ignored him, tilting his chin back and pressing his thumb down hard on his exposed gland. The noise that came out of him boiled Raphael's blood and echoed in his beast. His eyes opened slowly, one after the other, black and bright.

Raph was stunned for a second by those midnight-black pupils, blown open so wide they seemed to fill his entire field of vision. Only a narrow ring of gleaming, mocha colored iris encircled the almost bottomless darkness, drunken with the arousal simply SPILLING from his pores, an aggressive  _come and fuck me_  scent that clawed at his brain and scrambled his higher functions _._

"Hurry.  _Up."_ Leonardo growled, commanding and desperate and non negotiable all at once. Without looking, Raphael recovered the first thing he touched and clambered back onto the bed at mach speed, just barely remembering to bring up the toys he'd selected in his haste.

"Fuckin' prick," he snarled, eyes smoldering and teeth bared, snatching for Leonardo's arm and pinning it to the headboard. "Teasin' ass..." They were both breathing hard and the air between them was hot and heavy, less oxygen and more fury. He couldn't tell who's heartbeat was thundering in his head or who's sweat slicked his palms, and something uncivilized deep inside him revelled in it.

Leonardo managed to wrench his forearm out of Raph's grip and sat up to peer over his shoulder, wetting his lips and smirking. "Thigh sling, Aneros...You don't know what half of that even is," he stated confidently.

Raph bit down hard into the salty hollow directly under his Adam's apple, dragging a strangled moan out of him. Almost against his will, his knees twitched up and tightened on either side of Raph's midsection.

"So tell me." he muttered. The flesh under his teeth flexed and shifted when Leonardo swallowed. His chuckle was barely a vibration of noise against his cheek.

"N-no. I'm not helping you. F-figure it out."

Raph let him fall back on the sheets with a grunt and reached back for the harness looking thing, inspecting it impatiently like if he looked at it hard enough it would tell him how to use it. He guessed it was the thigh sling, two cuffs of leather secured by a short cord in the middle with two longer ones on the ends. Just looking at it knotted his stomach with desire.

"Put it on," he ordered, trying to keep his voice from cracking with excitement and tossing it down on Leonardo's chest. The knowledge that he was in control was intoxicatingly dangerous, made him feel savage and reckless, exactly like a shot of pure adrenaline in his bloodstream or a quick gulp of alcohol.

 _He_  was the one in charge here, and the other male was going to do what  _he_  said.

Leonardo didn't move for a small moment, looking at him with an odd, calculatingly cool look in his eyes. He hesitated before apparently coming to a decision, picking up the sling and unfolding his limbs at a snails pace. The corner of his mouth found its way under his teeth, and it was almost physically agonizing for Raph to sit and watch him slip his ankles into the harness and slide it slowly, sensually up, past his knees to wrap and tauten securely around his slim thighs, wiggling his hips so that his swollen, drooling member bounced on his plastron. He never looked away throughout the whole process. His stare was piercing and amused and taunting, a fire right beneath the beastly fuse in Raphael's brain and heart.

Flames danced in each of their eyes, naked and raw, saying everything they didn't.

_You don't have the stones to make me scream._

_Just wait, just wait. I'll tear you to shreds._

It felt like years, but eventually the sling was on. By then Raphael had figured out what the ties on the ends were for, and he wasted no time looping them around the top of the wooden bedposts, roughly hoisting Leonardo's legs obscenely wide. A whiff of the liquid pooling on his tail had his mouth watering. He reached out to drag his nails up the long expanse of light green skin and felt Leonardo break out in goosebumbs.

"Is that for me or for you?" Leonardo snarked dryly, jerking his chin at the cockring. "It looks like you need it more than I do."

"Thanks fer remindin' me." Raph retorted. He ran his finger along the ring until the catch to open it snagged his nail. It popped open and he clasped it gleefully around the base of Leonardo's cock, loving the way he flinched and curled his toes in response, and the sticky stream of precome that erupted from him.

He pulled back to look at the picture he'd made, and nearly whimpered as his groin gave a hard, painful throb of want. Leonardo was spread open and vulnerable, at least from the waist down, directly in front of him, on his back, flushed brown and red all down his body and just as aroused as he was. It was like having a lion on a leash, under his thumb and almost totally helpless to whatever he wanted to do. He was positive that image would be imprinted in his retinas for eternity.

"I should find a way ta tie yer arms up, too." Raph mused darkly.

Leonardo scoffed. "You actually think I'd trust you to do that?" He shook his head against the pillows, grinning pointedly and with no humour at all. "My hands stay free to make sure you don't wander where you shouldn't."

The threat against his manhood was still crystal clear in Raph's mind, as was the reminder of the junk-less Purple Dragon running around somewhere. "Yeah, I got it." he mumbled. The back of his neck prickled in momentary shame. He was never going to live that shit down, and he probably didn't deserve to.

"I won't touch." Leonardo said softly, folding his hands under his skull. "I'll be fair. Promise."

"Sure ya do." Raph shook the topic from his shoulders and fit himself between Leonardo's legs, stimulated all over again at the sight. He gripped his calf and kneaded the damp skin around his entrance. Leonardo tensed like he was bracing for an attack, and Raph rubbed harder, luring a soft yet deep, throaty groan from him that reverberated in his own crotch.

A shudder ran through the body laid out before him ... completely defenceless and at his mercy.

"Ya look damn filthy right now," he rasped. His emotions were all over the place. In the span of a series of breaths, he felt the urge to rip into the body under him, but seconds later all he wanted to do was look, touch, tease, savor it just because he could. Leonardo was so damn pretty it pissed him off a little bit with how easily he could get him going, how easily he'd sucked him into this mess.

Raphael rubbed and stroked and nibbled, scattering marks and bruises all over his tender legs until Leonardo was arching into his touch, huffing impatiently.

" _Now_  you want to tease?" he snapped, lifting up his head to glare at him. "Are you going to do something or should I leave?"

Raph sneered, recognizing his own words from earlier. "Calm yer ass, slut." He watched Leonardo writhe, pushing up into the ring unwillingly. He knew exactly what he was feeling, awful strangling pressure and no friction to go with it. The sight gave him an idea, and he smirked, grabbing both of their oozing erections in one hand.

They flailed in tandem and he started to pull, harshly squeezing and sliding up and down their rigid lengths until they were both gasping and thrusting into his palm and against each other. Raph forced his eyes to stay open so he could watch the expressions on Leonardo's face change from pleasure to pain to desperation as his orgasm approached, knowing what was coming and unable to stop it.

" _Mmmmmnnng_ ," Raph moaned, grinding hard into his hand and speeding up his arm. "Aa-ah, yea-aah. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon...uh, yer turn, yer turn... _hhnng_..."

Leonardo's mouth was tightly closed, but tiny little sounds escaped from his nose. He squirmed in the sling and balled his hands in the sheet, choked on his noises and held it off as best he could, but Raphael felt the convulsions in his cock when he came...and then didn't come. His every muscle seized with pain and he shook like he was having a seizure, but aside from the healthy gush of precome that splashed from his slit, there was no release.

Raphael followed a second after, tumbling over his own ringing release with a laughing shout and taking special pleasure in the sight of his come splattering Leonardo's chest. "P-payback's' a b-bitch, huh?"

Leonardo glowered at him though slightly wet eyes. "Ch-childish, aren't w-we."

Raphael circled him again, flashing his incisors when he visibly swallowed his whimper. "Yep. Guess I am."

He pumped his wrist and scrubbed his thumb hard over the violet head, hungrily watching as Leonardo twisted and gasped again and again, fighting his own body from begging for it. Raph started to see the point of the sling besides just holding him open. With his legs in the air, he had less leverage on his own reactions.

He disintegrated into a cycle of jerky inhales and shuddering exhales, quickening and increasing in volume until his cock pulsed and he clenched his teeth so hard together the sound was audible. His struggle to come filled Raph's dick with interest and he grabbed it when it perked up, going slow this time. He stroked leisurely, still sensitive after his last climax.

There was something hypnotic about watching him come undone. He didn't know what was more potent, unravelling or being the unraveller.

"Hurts, don't it?" Raph asked rhetorically. "Feel like ya thought it would? Feel  _amazing_?" He leaned down and spat wetly on the head of Leonardo's cock, making his yanks extra slick and squeaky. Leonardo didn't reply for once. His legs were quivering, and his forehead was starting to shine with sweat. His chest heaved, and Raph knew that he'd come again with nothing to show for it.

"I 'member how long ya made me sit there and take this," Raphael continued. "I could watch this all night, but I got other shit to do to ya. So I'll tell ya what." He battered his head with brutal twists of his fingers, and was surprised when nothing louder than a small yelp came out of Leonardo's mouth. "Yer at three. I'm gonna give ya seven more, make it a even ten, an' then I'm gonna fuck the hell outta ya with yer own stuff. Scream before that, and I might take it off. Might." he reiterated.

Leonardo pried his eyes open, and a tingle of shock knifed through Raphael at what he saw swimming in them. Underneath the lusty haze, he expected to see anger, or even a little bit of fear. Instead, there was a twisted sort of smug pride, like someone watching a pet perform a difficult trick.

He felt that look like a touch, and it _INFLAMED_  him.

Stupidly hard almost instantly, Raph snarled in his face and bent his cock back towards his chest, the resulting pain and spasms sending blood streaming down his chin from the holes Leonardo had bitten into his lip.

* * *

Five more forced, stiffled climaxes later, and he had to grudgingly admire Leonardo's will. Not only had he not screamed his name (or even said it), he hadn't screamed, period. He looked absolutely wrecked, more brown and red than green, covered in sweat and mask askew. His lip was as puffy and bruised as his cock, swollen and distended below the ring, but he wasn't cracking.

His refusal to lose only urged Raph to break him harder. He was high off the feeling of control and enjoying every minute of it, watching him shatter in hard, slow, steady increments.

"Damn," he sighed mockingly, as Leonardo trembled through his ninth dry run. Raph gave him no time to relax after and went right back to stroking. "Yer committed ta this, ain't ya? One more, then I'll start stuffin' ya. Yeh'll probly like that better."

"Hhnnf...uhn." What was probably a smart ass retort came out a mangled jumble of words when Raph dug his finger into the crease of his cloaca, which seemed to be the only thing that stopped him from trying to fade into a meditative state and cheat his way out. He understood that one now, too. The harder he pressed, he thought he could feel the roundness of Leonardo's scrotum, buried deep inside his body.

The last one wasn't as spectacular as the others. Raph felt a little disappointed when all he did was hiss and wince in the sling, painting them both with yet more precome before relaxing with a pained grimace.

It didn't last. He licked his lips and craned his neck to flash Raph a triumphant grin. "T-two done. You're l-losing."

 _Dammit._ Raph growled and sat back on his heels, wishing there was some way to gag him without impeding his ability to scream. "I ain't losing. That just means that ring ain't coming off." The last two or so challenges he'd either lost or forfeit, but he was going to win this one.

It didn't help that Leonardo recovered quick as fuck, quicker than anybody had a right to, and the only remnant of what he endured was the slight stammer in his words. He shrugged and wiped a spot of blood from his mouth, startling Raph a little when he remembered that his hands actually weren't tied. He'd been true to his promise about not touching.

"Kn-knock yourself out. It won't make any d-difference." he shot back, and Raph really, really wanted to hit him then, anything to make him stop talking back and wipe that cocky look off his face.

_You can 'hit him', dumbass._

Ohhh, right.

"Oh, what, did you run out of ide-AH!" The first hard smack of Raph's palm against his exposed backside severed his goading comment and turned it into a loud cry, more from surprise than actual pain.

"Nah," Raph snickered lewdly, scratching his nails over the rapidly reddening mark. The muscles twitched erratically afterwards, just like the desperate twitching of his cock, which hadn't flagged once the whole time but had remained jutting away from his body, purple, fat, and dripping all down the ring. "I got a few more."

" _Baka._ Idiot. There was a crop in the bag." Leonardo wheezed. Raph shook his head and reared back to deliver another slap, thickening between his legs at the meaty thud and responding jiggle. "It don't matter. I wanna do it this way."

Raph hit him again and he whined softly before choking the sound back, and the sound of skin slapping skin filled the room for nearly twenty minutes. Leonardo's hard breaths turned into grunts and finally pretty keens that hitched up desperately at the ends, and his ass warmed under Raph's hand until it was glowing and throbbing. The sound of the blows virtually exploded in Raph's ears and sent surges of arousal down to his neglected cock.

"Uh!-uuh! Uh! Uh!"

He wasn't the only one affected either- fifteen minutes in and Leonardo was leaning shamelessly into the hits. His flexing tail beat a wet rhythm into the sheet and the entire area between his lower half was damp with precome and gland slick. The little knot of flesh was completely exposed and inflated despite not having been touched at all.

"Slippery when horny," Raph mumbled. Every time Leonardo's mouth opened, he didn't want anything more than to ram himself deep down into that long throat. "God, I could just choke ya on my cock...but I guess ya can't scream with yer mouth full."

Leonardo groaned, though whether it was out of arousal or exasperation he wasn't sure. "Pervert."

"I ain't the dirty slut with a bag full'a toys." Raph countered, rocking so that his own erection rubbed against Leonardo's hip. The lighter turtle scowled and blushed, but his satisfaction was short lived.

"No, just Daddy issues," Leonardo remarked venemously. Raph recoiled like he'd been struck, and Leonardo narrowed his eyes like a wolf scenting blood. He could almost hear Karai's bitchy, nasal sneer behind the jab. "Did Master Vermin hit you a lot growing up? Is that why you're so obsessed with it?"

The words were like a hot knife, cutting and vicious. Hurt coursed through his chest and just as quickly dissolved into scalding rage. It took every iota of self control he had not to give in to the red fog seeping into the edge of his vision and drive his elbow through Leonardo's throat. Still, his temples were aching by the time he managed to separate his teeth and wrestle his wounded beast back under control, and the next few hits were more like punches, directed at Leonardo's tendon instead of his ass.

_Eyes on the prize. Eyes on the prize. He's trying to distract you._

"Fuck you," Raph barked. He dug his nails into Leonardo's knee and forced his legs even further apart, not caring whether it hurt or not. He hoped it did. "You don't know what tha fuck yer talkin' about. I should beat tha shit outta you, but I ain't, I'm gonna fuck ya till you scream and choke ya out on my cock."

Without further ado, he reached down to spread Leonardo's cheeks and jammed a finger ruthlessly into his hole, fighting the resistance of his muscles and savoring his shrill shriek. Instantly he tightened and clamped down. Raphael ignored his body's involuntary attempts to expel the intrusion and set himself to opening him up as far as he could go.

For a brief second he was worried about whether he would get rebuked. He actually almost counted on Leonardo jumping back up, fractious and feisty and hissing like a wounded cat, casting aspersions at the rough treatment, but Leonardo didn't retaliate. All he did was let out a gasping grunt and duck his head into the crook of his elbow, and soon Raph could feel that hot silky passage loosening up for him, fluttering around his digits. That surrender mollified some of his anger, but not much.

"A _hhh_ , G-God,  _aah..."_

The breathy little noises tumbling out of Leonardo's mouth brought saliva welling in the back of Raph's throat. He bent down to taste before he could stop himself, gnawing and torturing his tail savagely like a dog with a bone.

One finger, then two, then two fingers and a tongue, in and out and in and out...hot, salty sweetness smeared all around his beak...

"Ohh, yesss," Leonardo hissed, squeezing his lids shut over his rolling eyes, evidently forgetting his not to use his hands as they found their way down to grip the knot in Raph's mask. He tried to yank his head up and redirect the attention on his cock. Raph struggled away from him only after sinking his teeth into his ankle, losing his bandana in the process.

"You-!"

"No," he rumbled, licking blood from his canines. Things were getting blurry, hot and iron tinted. It was hard to focus. Greater waves of WANT coursed through him with every second that ticked by. The beastly urge to  **take**  him right then, to  **rip** into him, to use it as an outlet for his lust, was overwhelming.

Quickly, like he'd burnt himself, he pulled his hand back from the warm, soft skin and took a deep breath through his nose, trying to dial back his hunger and appetite to a more manageable level.

He seized the glass dildo and pressed the tip against Leonardo's hole, watching his body strain involuntarily to try and take it in. "Wanna quit?" he mocked thickly. "Suck mah cock now and we can say ya won."

Leonardo's smoky, provocative glare was answer enough. Raph pushed his hand against the base of the toy and it slid in with nearly no resistance and a wet, mind blowing  _sluuurp_  that was almost drowned out by Leonardo's long moan.

"Fuck," Raph murmured, crushing his own knees together to try and stem the spurts of precome streaming from him in response to the sight, and keep himself from tearing out the toy and replace it with his turgid length.

It was thicker than he first thought, and he parted him a little wider so he could see better. He pulled it back and saw Leonardo's flesh cling to it before he shoved it back in, bottoming it out, and he had to take a deep inhale because Leonardo looked fucking sinful, stretched around the toy, his entire body shaking as he tried to breathe.

Raph started thrusting with hard, reckless flicks of his wrist. The headboard rocked and creaked as Leonardo's legs fought to come down and find some stability against the assault, but the sling held firm.  _"_ Harder _,_ _tsuyoku,_ harder," he demanded, throwing his head back and scrabbling at the mattress when Raph complied. "G-good. Oh, f-fuck, good-"

Raph's hands were clammy on the warm glass toy, moistened with sweat and fluid. His other hand held Leonardo down by the hip, pressing him into the bed, making sure he couldn't move as much as he wanted to. He knew when he hit that spot- Leonardo's whole body clenched and curled both away and into the thrusts, and his pleasured noises increased three octaves.

"Oh god—oh god—oh god—oh!"

Raphael let out a guttural sound and sped up the speed of his hand. "Does it hurt good? Huh? How good is it?"

He could see it, all that prissy self control flying out the window. Leonardo was using every cell to stop himself from screaming.

He was going to win, so fucking help him, he was going to win.

He leaned up and loomed over him, literally  _slamming_  the toy down, twisting it to scrape the knobs and ridges over his spot. He could sense the convulsions wracking Leonardo like they were around his real cock, and chased them with all the strength in his beast as if he were fighting.

His mouth was on autopilot. "Am I making you feel it? Am I making you feel it? As deep as you want?"

Leonardo thrashed, driving himself onto the object inside him, his lower lip a mangled, bloody mess. Raphael worked the dildo faster, messier, one hand wrapped around the base and jamming it too hard and too deep, the other finally wrapped around his cock, strangling it in an attempt to hold off.

"Uh uh, none of that!" he snapped, knocking Leonardo's wrist away from his mouth when he chomped down on it, breaking his own skin. The air tasted like salt and grated heavily in his lungs. The smaller turtles skull smacked into the headboard and he YOWLED, shredding the sheet under his nails.

"Say it!" Raph snarled, scratching a bloody furrow into the side of his leg. Drops of perspiration flew into his face when Leonardo shook his head. He angled his aching hand up and started pushing from below, and-

"AH! OH!  _Kuso_! F-fuck! FUCK! There! AH!" Leonardo's knuckles went white, so pale it looked like the bone was going to burst through. The edge of Raph's fist touched his pulsing entrance. Wet squelches and slapping noises marked his thrusts, and oh fUCK-

_"SAY IT!"_

_I'm gonna lose, I'm gonna lose._

As a last ditch, hopelessly pushing down the first shakes of his climax, Raph reached between their bodies and felt around frantically until he had the ring. There was a split second of miscommunication between his fingers and his brain. Instead of pulling the ring off, he pushed it further DOWN, and his eardrums were finally graced with the scream he sought after, his own name garbled but intelligible inside of it.

"-mmMM-RAAH!-FfAH-AHH!"

His beast roared in victory, heady and giddy.  _Done. Won. Did it._

Somehow, he managed to think clearly enough to actually disengage the ring, and a huge, copious rush of sticky warmth spilled down his front seconds later. Leonardo slumped down onto the tousled bed, groaning and quivering, leaving Raph to untie his legs. He winced when every little motion caused his erection to shift and pulse agonizingly.

Unwillingly, painstakingly, Raph backed down from his crest while he waited for the other male to recover, tucking his clenched fists under his knees to keep from touching himself anymore.

"Damn..." Leonardo laughed weakly, after awhile, pushing himself slowly into a sitting position. He pressed his palm to the wound on his outer thigh. "Ah...damn. You." He moved his head from side to side. "You're something else."

Raphael rolled onto his back, exhaling with some force when certain places on his body stung and prickled. He observed himself and saw that he sustained multiple cuts and bites all over his dark green skin and just hadn't noticed. He looked like he'd battled a cheese grater for his life.  _How in the hell did I miss that?_

Even though he hadn't come, he still felt drained, emotionally and physically emptied like he'd run ten miles.

But.

"I won," he recalled, eyes lighting up with renewed energy. "I  _won_. Ya  _screamed_."

Leonardo looked at him, and there was a small moment of uncertainty when that strange, surveying expression from before flickered across his irises. A tiny shiver crawled down Raph's spine. Then he blinked, and there was nothing in his pupils but a resigned sarcasm, so quick he wondered if he'd really seen anything at all.

"Congratulations." he droned. He was still hoarse, and Raph couldn't remember the last time he'd felt that good about himself.

"I think ya owe me somethin'." Raph replied, in the same flat tone underlied with excitement waving a hand at his groin and just barely managing not to squirm in glee.

Leonardo blinked slowly, like a cat, and the corner of his lips pulled up in a wry smirk. Even then, slightly shivering in the afterglow and colored a slowly fading red, he managed to look like he knew something Raph didn't.

"Enjoy it now," he declared quietly. "This won't happen again if I can help it. You won't win against me so easily."

"Easy?" Raph repeated, disbelieving. Getting that ONE shriek had been like pulling teeth from Leatherhead (speaking from experience), and he felt as rattled as an empty brew can.

Leonardo ignored him in favour of stretching out slowly on his stomach. The rest of Raph's sour rebuttal vanished like sugar in water as he gripped and mouthed at his cock, sliding his tongue up and down and around the crown of his head. He licked at the beads of pre-come as they welled and dripped down, soft and velvety with the ever present threat of teeth, and fuck if that mouth wasn't fucking  _lethal_.

Raphael's eyes slipped closed. He felt a hot, wet heat follow, then suction, light at first, then harder, a groan torn from his throat before he realized he was making a sound. Leonardo nipped at him suddenly and met his drowsy glare with an expectant one. "The phone?"

Heat rose fast in his face. "O-oh. Yeah." He distracted himself from his embarrasment by pulling out the burner phone from his belt and opening it, punching keys until he reached and activated the grainy camera. He tilted his head and turned the thing so that it was landscape view, grinning lecherously. "Heh, smile."

Through the camera, he watched Leonardo roll his eyes and give him a hard biting suck, making his leg jerk, then he paused and sat there, not moving.

"Mm, c'mon. I know ya can do better than that." Raph teased nastily, nudging the side of his face ungently. Leonardo pulled off and smiled benignly. "Oh, sorry. I don't have much to work with."

That was fucking low. "S'cuse me, what'dya say? Yer voice sounds a little scratchy." Raph shot back. Leonardo sneered and mumbled something unflattering in Japanese, but ducked down and took him back into his mouth. He drooled a little, resting Raph's cock against the bright pink of his tongue and still swollen lower lip, making it showy for his audience. Raph pushed the shutter down and snapped the picture with a faint digital click.

A few more swallows and he came deceptively hard, lightning tingling up his spine and bowing his neck. Leonardo spat out his release and wiped his face of any excess, leaning back to stretch the kinks out of his lean muscles.

"How's it feel ta lose?" Raph snickered while he stood and searched for his clothes, noticing a small hitch in Leonardo's inhale.

Leonardo gazed at him coolly from his position on the bed, one arm curled casually behind his head. "Did I?" The way he said, a mixture of taunting and nonchalance, brought Raphael up short.

"Hell d'ya mean, did I?" he asked, halfway in between smoothing his hoodie down. "Ya had ta suck me off, didn't ya?" He couldn't completely smother the nervous chuckle that bubbled out of his chest. He really didn't like that look. "Ain't like ya let me win."

The unspoken 'right?' hung heavily in the air. A weird smile was all he got in response, before Leonardo closed his eyes and sank down further into the mattress. "Sure. Go home, Raphael." He didn't deign to say anything else, and Raph had no choice but to bite his cheek and leave, pondering things he had no answer to and probably never would.

 


	33. For a Good Time, Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raphael experiences a different kind of smutty exercise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this lateness, but finals arrived (midterms) and beat the hell out of me.

"-... so then, after the match- we TOTALLY destroyed this team, by the way- so then, this random weirdo logs into the chat like, 'You're using illegal mods, you're cheating, I'm gonna find you and kill your while family, blegh blegh blegh.' I'm like, whatever dude, haters gonna hate, IDC."

Mikey paused in his riveting story to cram another bite of food into his mouth, chewing twice before gulping and continuing. "We started playing again, but then the little signal tracker thingie started beeping, and I never really got why you put that on the Xbox Donnie, like the Foot are gonna be on COD? But this crazoid was actually trying to TRACK me from the game! I was like oh heck no-"

Raph stared down at his food while Mikey kept chattering and prattling on about some psycho in a video game, poking distractedly at his baked chicken and rolling peas around the plate. Donnie sat to Splinter's left, then Mikey, then Raph. The seat directly across from him on Splinter's right side was vacant

He'd been out with Leonardo earlier, while Mikey and Donnie had been helping April move some stuff around the house and Splinter was supposedly taking a nap. The random text had come when Raphael was working on his bike in the garage, sudden and demanding. Common sense had told him just to simply ignore it, before common sense was completely strangled by his seemingly never ending horniness when it came to anything Leonardo.

He'd written some bullshit note for his father about Leatherhead needing help with something and slid it under the door of Splinter's room in case Donnie came back before him and tried to prove it was bogus. Luck had smiled on his stupid hormones- his youngest brother forgot to reset the alarm before they left, so Raph was able to slip soundlessly out the door.

They didn't do much, just two back to back blowjobs and a rough fingering that had him coming embarrassingly hard and fast. Nothing real spectacular, but there had been a weird moment when, right before he climaxed, Leonardo's grip on his thigh shifted, tightened, and the world had gone fuzzy and slow for a second, almost like he'd blacked out but not quite. Afterwards there was a strange, numb heaviness in his backside, but Leonardo swore he didn't do anything.

Raph believed that like he believed the Shredder was really a tender, caring guy.

Back in the present, he shifted slightly his chair and winced. He had to book it back home and just barely made it and showered before his brothers. Splinter had still, miraculously, been asleep, but Raph was still sore and throbbing, and he only hoped that when he stood up there wouldn't be an embarrassing wet spot in the seat cushion.

That strange numbness was still there, along with the phantom sensation of something firm pressed up against his spot. Despite himself, the deep ache was contributing a lot to the soft, persistent half rigidness between his legs, like a reminder that just wouldn't go away.

"-but the tracker thing ended up putting HIS address out there instead!"

"That sounds like a very harrowing experience, Michelangelo." Splinter commented, eyes twinkling in amusement. "I wonder, in between your trials in the virtual reality, did you manage to complete your chores in this one?"

Mikey blushed and laughed nervously. "Uh, heh. N-no, not, not all of them. I'll finish tomorrow."

"Mm. After dinner, I think." Splinter amended, and Mikey dropped his head with a sheepish grin. "Yes, Sensei."

Splinter nodded with a small smile and turned to Donnie. "Did you help April with the tasks she asked of you?"

"Yes, sensei. She just needed some boxes of old stuff moved out of Cody's room. Toys, clothes, furniture. I think she's donating it somewhere." Donnie told him, without once looking up from the tablet by his elbow. Splinter frowned a little.

"Donatello, please put that away at the table."

Chargrined, Donnie did as he asked. "Sorry, Sensei."

Splinter let out a small grunt, and Raph felt his eyes refocus on his end. "Raphael, what did your day entail?"

Internally he snorted, and he kept looking at his food to avoid shooting an exasperated look in his father's direction. Seriously? Splinter knew he was on straight solitary. Why even ask, if not to rub it in?

_'Least as far as he knows, anyway._

For a second, he considered telling Splinter _exactly_ what he'd been up to, just to see what his reaction would be. He was betting it would be hilarious. Luckily, he wasn't stupid or suicidal, at least in that instant, so he didn't.

"Not much," Raph mumbled eventually. "Finally got tha cylinders on my bike cleaned out. Tightened tha breaks a little."

"Interesting," Splinter nodded, and the snort was harder to contain that time. Like he cared. A few more moments passed in which they continued to eat silently. The pocket in his belt that contained the burner phone chimed quietly, twice, and he ignored it.

It happened when he had a forkfull of mashed potatoes halfway to his mouth- a fleeting, barely there vibration that felt like it came from INSIDE him, like nothing he'd ever experienced before in his life. His utensil dropped back to his plate with a loud clatter and his eyes flew wide open, bulging out, entire body locking up, but just as quickly as it started the sensation stopped, residual tingles crawling through his flesh like the aftermath of a small electrical shock.

The weirdest part was not the feeling itself, but WHERE it was, concentrated in his lower half, specifically right above his curled, sensitive tail. Raph let out a hard breath and mentally unfroze his muscles one by one, squirming in his chair in utter confusion.

_What the-?_

Donnie glanced up at him when he dropped his fork and cleared his throat softly, concerned. "Raph? You okay?"

Raphael swallowed dryly and jerked his chin up and down in a swift nod. He didn't know what else he could possibly say; 'No, sorry, my ass just buzzed,'? Hell no.

"Y-yeah. 'M'alr-right-"

The second part of the last word was stuttered and broken as the feeling returned, slightly stronger, and his breath caught and hitched at the back of his throat. The numb heaviness ignited into a rattling buzz, like a beehive, prodding him in places that had no business being being prodded around other people and definitely not at a fucking dinner table.

_Oh my God._

Donatello lifted and dropped a shoulder, then returned to his meal. "Anyway. Sensei, I was wondering if we could go to the junkyard a little later."

"What for, my son?"

"Well-"

Shocked, immobile and a little bit scared, Raph could only sit and quake silently as the feeling morphed from strange to pleasurable, turning his mind to soup and quickly making him lose his grip on the conversation. It felt good. It felt _good._

It only went downhill from there. The sensation would start and stop at random intervals, stronger and weaker each time, quickening and lessening, tickling his spot with just the right amount of force and speed.

_W-what-th-the-f-fu-fuck-is-h-hap-pen-ning?!_

His molars sliced down into his tongue as the bones in his legs shook under the table and the sensations increased again, driving his knee into the wood and nearly toppling his glass of water. He tried to grind down on the thick pressure inside him and immediately regretted it when the feeling damnear exploded, liquefying his spine and trying to claw a strangled keen out of his chest.

Through the pleasure ratcheting up inside him stereo volume style and skewering his brain, he tried to unscramble his thoughts and figure out what exactly was going on. He didn't know how, or why, but he was pretty damn certain he knew WHO.

 _L-l-leon-nardo. T-this is his g-goddamn f-fault._ The buzz gave a particularly hard jolt at the same time the burner chimed again, like a cheerful admission of guilt. Somehow, some way, Leonardo was doing this to him. It had to be. It couldn't be anything or anyone else. Leonardo was everything wrong in his fucking life, this had to be something he did, some kind of toy or-

 _Oh shit. Ohhh shit._ He lost his train of thought when the vibrations picked up AGAIN, fingers clenching down on the edge of the table, and he almost groaned aloud. He fought to keep his tail tight under his pulsing, still slick hole, knowing that if it raised or moved an inch the entire dining room would be flooded with the scent of how turned on he was. A hot flush rose up under his skin and filled his face, and his cock ground against his slit, desperate for friction and release.

He watched his family's lips move for God knew how long and had no idea of what the fuck they were saying, rocking slowly in a motion he couldn't help as the torture dragged on and on, shifting his hips in a halfhearted attempt to make it stop, or maybe not. Every movement made him feel it more and more, shoving whatever was doing this to him deeper and harder against his tender spot.

"-a fire at a medical facility a few days ago, there's some barely damaged equipment they threw out that I want to collect."

"Oh yeah Raph, you can probably come too dude, I think I saw a punching bag canvas there a few days ago. You might find some bike parts too, the cops just raided a chop shop-"

The only thing he heard was his name. "U-uh h-huh. Sounds g-great." His insides shivered and trembled like jelly, clenching and shuddering around the sensations rolling through him, back and forth, nonstop. Relentless.

Sweat trickled down the back of his neck and itched under his mask where the fabric touched his face. A horrible, wonderful, dangerous warmth pooled in Raph's lower belly. His feet scraped and tapped helplessly against the floor. His shell felt too tight, constricting his ribs to the point where his breaths were loud and rasping, at least to him. He didn't know how much more he could take. It just kept getting worse, or possibly better.

He wrapped his ankles around the legs of his chair to keep from either jumping up and running for the bathroom or humping the damn furniture like a dog, blinking hard and gulping down his noises.

"Hey Raph, can you pass the salt?"

 _No Goddamit, I can't!_ "Mm-mm hm." Not trusting himself to speak, Raphael sat up SL-OW-LY in his chair and flicked the saltshaker at his brother, knowing that if he moved any faster he would cum right there under the table. The vibrations followed him, slipping a little to rub against a different area and pulverize his knees.

Mikey pulled his spoon out of his mouth with a pop and stared at him, one big blue eye squinted nearly closed in concern. "Hey dude, you alright over there?"

"Mmmhm."

"Are you feeling sick again?" Donnie asked sharply.

"Mmm-mm."

"You look nauseous, Raphael. Is your stomach bothering you?"

He would NOT fucking cum on himself while his father was talking to him. He was going straight to hell if he did, if he wasn't already.

_If. Right._

With Herculean effort, Raph forced his eyes to open all the way and straightened his spine, tightening his nerves against the resulting waves of pleasure that sang through him in retaliation. "No," he muttered, not completely able to stop rising and falling in his seat. "J-just got a headache."

As if to contradict him, the buzzing reached a whole new cadence, jumping and shaking frantically along his backbone and causing his vision to go cross and blurry. The only thing that kept him from exposing himself was the tenuous, grasping thought of how much Leonardo was going to pay for this shit.

Thankfully there were no more questions, and the rest of dinner passed without any spontaneous orgasming or mortifying incidents. When the last bite was FINALLY eaten, Raph spared two milliseconds to check beneath his butt and make sure he hadn't soaked through the cushion, then hauled ass up to his room before any words could be exchanged, each step a personal moment of hell when it jarred the vibrations rocketing through him.

(It was technically his turn to wash the dishes, but he might have actually passed the fuck out if he had to stand at the sink and wash, dry and repeat with something shaking and squirming inside his ass.)

Raph tumbled into his hammock and spread his legs, shaking like a leaf and panting for air. He hardly noticed when he dropped down, so consumed by the sensations inside. He'd held his tail so fixed against himself that it had cramped and stiffened, and when he peeled it away he was immediately soaked down to his knees, rivers of slick pulsing out of him freely. He could feel how retardedly open and loose he was, and still a bit sore from his treatment a few hours before. He couldn't prevent a moan when one finger went in with almost no resistance.

Even then, the vibrations didn't stop, and he couldn't focus or get enough control over his motor functions long enough to dig whatever it was out of himself. When he tried, it slipped out of his sweaty hold and worked its way inward, forcing him to chase it around and around until he felt like he was going nuts.

Raphael let out a frustrated yell into his pillow and tore the damn burner out of his belt when it made a mocking little noise that sounded almost like laughter to his fevered brain. He flipped it open while the buzzing struck an alternating rhythm, struggling to concentrate and read the missed messages.

**L: «Have fun earlier?»**

**L: «I hope you're alone.»**

Raph growled thunderously to cover up the broken whimpers spilling from him, writhing on his back. His typing was erratic and scattered.

**R: «S ToP WHAT ThE FuuCk»**

**L: «?»**

**R: «I NOW IS yOU STop»**

The reply he got back wasn't an actual sentence, just a little emoji of the green phone symbol. He was stunned- did he actually want him to call?

**R: «No fUCk U sTop»**

No reply, but finally, FINALLY, the vibrations slowed and eased to a stop. Raph sighed in (disappointment) relief and rolled slowly onto his side, reaching between his legs to try and remove...whatever was there one more time. "B-bastard," he snarled.

He saw STARS when the buzzing started up again, without warning, hard and blisteringly fast. The corner of his blanket travelled halfway down his throat and just barely stopped his howl. Somehow in the onslaught he managed to find the call button and press it. It felt like an eternity, but eventually, there was a faint click, and the line connected. Leonardo's voice answered, sounding a little breathless but otherwise unconcerned.

**_"*Hello?*"_ **

Raphael tried to stop his teeth from chattering in his skull long enough to reply. "Y-you l-lyin' s-sonova b-bitch," he hissed, barely remembering to keep his voice down. "Y-you d-didn't do nothin?!"

He heard Leonardo chuckle. **_"*Oh, right. I lied. I do that quite a bit. How long did it take you to find my little surprise?*_ "**

"H-how're y-ya even-?" The vibrations, impossibly, got even HARDER. Raph cut himself off with a low moan and thrust his hips into empty air, grabbing at his cock desperately.

To his surprise, he heard what sounded like a matching moan on the other end. **_"*Long range remote vibrator. You cut out on me earlier, but I wasn't done playing with you.*"_**

"I was eatin'," Raph groaned pathetically, not knowing what else to say. "I was eatin', ya j-jackass, I was- _aaah_..." He didn't know why he hadn't just hung up already, but he had a feeling Leonardo didn't want him to. The vibrator was still humming away inside him. "S-stop it," he spat, fisting his hammock cord so hard he was in danger of tearing it out of the wall.

_**"*I don't think you want me to stop, Raphael. The opposite, actually. But you know what you need to say.*"** _

By that time he did, but it knowing didn't make the words taste any less like vinegar or fall from his mouth any easier. "P-please."

The brutal buzzing calmed to a steady, low speed pulsation, but didn't completely stop. Still, Raph was able to regain some thinking power.

"Ah thought ya said-!"

_**"*I'll stop it all the way when you come. I know you're close.*"** _

"Ya don't know shit!"

Leonardo let out a laugh that sounded more like a purr. _**"*I know you've got a hand around your cock, and I know**_ **exactly** _ **how that thing feels. It's right up against that spot, and the longer it goes you feel like you're going to wet yourself, and there's nothing you can do about it.*"**_

Raph closed his eyes and shook his head, but he couldn't close his ears to the sound of Leonardo's voice, smooth and heated like whiskey. Against his will, his wrist started moving, pumping slowly up and down his violet length to the tempo of the device inside of him. He heard a little gasp on the other end, and a noise like skin on wet skin. He realized with a stab of arousal that Leonardo was touching himself too.

"S-shut up," he shivered again, but even to his own ears it sounded like 'keep going'.

_**"*Mmmm... ask me what I'm doing. I know you want to know.*"** _

"P-pretty sure I already know," Raph huffed back. He was going for sarcastic, but it just came out as breathless.

_**"*Ask, or I won't tell.*"** _

"F-fine then. W-what?"

_**"*Same as you... except I've got one of my toys.*"** _

Raph's throat went desert dry and his mind raced to formulate that image, wondering exactly which of the objects he'd seen a few nights before was being used. "Y-yeah?"

_**"*Yes. Can you guess which one?*"** _

Raph pulled his thumb hard over his leaking head and sank his teeth into his lip. He could hear something wet sliding rhythmically back and forth over the line, and he was instantly three times harder. "Aah, God...Tha b-blue one?"

_**"*Mm-hm. The same one you fucked me with two days ago. I didn't tell you, but it's one of my favorites.*"** _

"Ah bet it is," Raph growled roughly, lifting and dropping his hips in time with the vibrator. He had no idea of when this had crossed the line from weird to insanely hot, but there it was.

_**"*Ooh. I'm still a little sore you know. I don't think I've ever had someone as strong as you before.*"** _

God, he could just _see_ it- Leonardo pushing and pulling that toy in and out. He would have given a leg to have the other male in his hammock right then. "Y-you aint seen n-nothing' yet."

 _ **"*I b-bet,*"**_ Leonardo laughed. **"*What are you thinking about right now?*** "

"You," Raph panted, not even having the presence of mind to lie or front. "Here. Legs up, in mah hammock, lettin' me pound tha shit outta ya."

_**"*Unn... I know. I'm thinking about you, here with me... Tied up, face down, bruised and obedient and spread out in my bed, begging me for more... Aah, I love it when you b-beg, Raphael."** _

The vibrator switched track again, slow throbbing, and Raph had to bite down on his bicep to keep from climaxing.

Leonardo kept talking. His speech was starting to break down, and the slick noises were getting faster. _**"*You know, y-you're right. I didn't l-let you w-win. If you hadn't m-made me scream, I would've never let you f-fuck me. I will now, though.*"**_

Raph's hand moved quicker over his cock, hard and tight and in sync with the bursts of pleasure from the vibrating device. "Anotha goddamn test," he sneered. "When, h-huh? When?!"

 ** _"*Soon,*"_** Leonardo gasped. _**"*Soon. So soon. I n-never got to choose who I... Hardly ever. I h-have to make sure that you're w-worth it.*"**_

Raph was so hard and so turned on he could sob. If only Leonardo was there right then, if only. He'd fuck him so hard he couldn't see straight. He'd fuck him _mercilessly._

 **"*Not,*"** Leonardo said, and Raphael realized that he'd said that aloud, **"*If I fuck you first. You think strength is all of it, but it's not. I'll s-show you, I'll s-show you...*"**

"W-why're ya m-makin' me wait?" Raph demanded, near whining. "I know y-ya want it too."

_**"*B-because you haven't given u-up. Don't you g-get it? The more I make you wait, the angrier you get. And t-then I'll kn-know that you're w-worth it.*"** _

Raph's hand blurred on his member, and his muscles twitched and convulsed, driving him higher and higher over his peak. Through the phone cradled against his neck, he could hear the squeaking of bed springs and Leonardo's laboured, moaning exhales sinking into his flesh and burning his nerves.

_**"*MM-mm, mmm-aaah, oh, oooh...Mmm-!*"** _

"S-say mah n-name," Raphael stuttered, pleaded, blinking back the white spots swarming his vision. "S-say it, f-fuck, s-say it-"

**_"*Oh-only if...ah!- y-ou...s-say... mine..."_ **

After several minutes of frantic, shameless rutting, a warm wave of almost agonized pleasure shot through him and he writhed so hard he made his bed sway, erupting into an orgasm so hard it hurt a little, jerking while the vibrator milked every little tremor and drop out of him, damnear banging against his spot. He choked out Leonardo's name seconds before a long, drawn out 'MmmrrrrRaaaph-ah-elll' filled his ears, and he was nearly hard enough to come again.


	34. Change of Pace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Donnie takes stock of his situation, Raph has no idea of what he wants, and a sparring match occurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of fluff, just a tiny bit... oh and angst lol.

Around three thirty in the morning, Donatello was still at his desk and three quarters of the way through data from the New York Sewer and Waste department, three clicks of his mouse away from getting carpal tunnel. Dull pains ricocheted through his shoulders and lower back, his right leg was going numb, and his vision was starting to blur and shift, kaleidoscope like.

He'd been sitting there for five hours, meticulously pouring through security logs and perimeter analysis for any mention, even a passing post script, of any anomalies noticed in the tunnel layout- specifically, their lair and Leatherhead's home. He had removed the two abandoned subway areas from public city record a long time ago, but it was hard to hide two gigantic vacancies in the plumbing from regular sonar checks for long, thus the repeated deleting.

And there was no telling when the Foot Clan, with their endless connections, would take a glance at the records themselves and try to ascertain where they were.

 _'Can't have the humans getting curious,"_ he thought to himself, bypassing yet another firewall attempt to lock him out of the system. The file he'd attempted to open had been marked "Classified", with the tagline: **(STRANGE RADIO WAVES/SIGNALS DETECTED FROM LOWER QUADRANT OF TREMAINE AND 26, PIPE AND POWER REROUTE TO 2 LOCATIONS.)**

The issue was marked for investigation a week ago. Smirking, Donnie highlighted the bolded text and erased it, replacing it with his own mandate. **(INVESTIGATION RETURNED NOTHING O/O ORDINARY. NO FURTHER INQUIRY NEEDED.)** The firewall reappeared when he tried to save it, and he quickly silenced it with a fragment of null code.

 _'Too easy.'_ He cracked his neck with two swift jerks of his head to the side, shivering as the tension was forcibly released from his spine. He'd always been Mr Fix it, Mr problem solver, and he didn't begrudge that title. He'd known that would be a big part of his life for a long time, just like on some levels he'd always known he was a little different from his brothers.

The things that kept them occupied, crayons and action figures, just didn't for him. He remembered the urge to learn like a dull itch in his brain, driving him to do things like disassemble the toaster or nearly drown himself trying to discover what lived in the surging sewer waters right outside.

It took a little while for Splinter to realize that his strange behavior and compulsion to break and remake things was born out of gifted intelligence and not disobedience, and then the books started coming in, one after the other, devoured first for fun and then for necessity.

That itch had been satisfied mostly, and Donatello didn't resent his family for leaving the harder things to him, but sometimes... he thought it would be nice to have a little bit of help, or even just some consideration when things didn't go exactly as planned.

Sure his IQ read genius, but he was still, 48.6% at least, human. Mistakes could be made.

_Like with the medicine._

Donatello flinched and removed his aching fingers from the keyboard. That still needled him, the fact that he'd essentially poisoned Raph with the very things that were supposed to make him feel better. He'd erred on the side of excess, hoping an extra dose would get to the root of the problem more quickly.

Guilt surged up in his chest cavity, sour and sloshing. He hid just how deeply that affected him, hurting his brother out of negligence. If he didn't, then it might all come rushing out, including the truth, the one he could barely force himself to admit.

Donnie closed his smarting eyes to the harsh glow of his laptop and cupped his hands around the back of his neck, letting his chin drop onto his hard chest. _Don't think about it._ Maybe if he didn't think it, it would be less true.

His lab was soundproof from the outside, but not the inside, something that only he knew. It was almost no surprise when he heard a door above his head creak open and then slowly scrape closed a few minutes later, and near perfectly silent footsteps creeping across the floor and then onto the stairs, avoiding all the squeaky spots and the broken step halfway down. The alarm system chirped quietly as it was disabled, and then everything was quiet again. Someone had just left.

Since him, Mikey and Splinter all slept on the first floor, there was only one someone that could be.

The guilt took on a more bitter flavor, rising high enough to curl the back of his tongue. Not for the first time, he considered disabling the shower and watching Raph try to explain why he would no doubt smell like beer and blood the next morning, and seeing if that culled his sneaky expeditions.

_'Probably not. He'll just get clean before coming home.'_

The little brother in him was bewildered, and the caretaker in him was devastated. Anyone with eyes could tell that Raphael was hurting, broken and crumbling in places. Donatello wanted to fix it desperately. But every time he tried to he was shoved aside, brushed off and ignored, forced to watch as Raph's disdain for their family grew and the brother he loved more than anything drifted further away.

Talking, telling, threatening, pleading... Nothing worked. He was at a loss and he hated it.

 _'I don't know why he won't let me help.'_ The medicine was a last ditch effort, but it was only making things worse. Knowing that on some levels his brother resented HIM specifically felt like a dagger in his heart, twisting right alongside the other one, sharp and unrelenting.

Donnie crossed his arms over his front like the thought was being seared into his skin, visible for the whole world to see. A low sob caught in his throat, and he curled inwards against the shame.

If the itch for knowledge had been replaced, then another one had replaced it, growing out of his heart and strangling it like a dark, twisted briar. It was easier to accept when he was seven and didn't know any better. Back then, the adoration was innocent. Thinking you were going to marry your brother because he was the biggest and strongest was most likely a throwback left over from the animal DNA swimming in their veins- at least, that's what he told himself in the beginning. But he'd always idolized Raph, even more than Mikey had.

He never told when he did bad things (a trend he STILL couldn't break now), always shared food with him without question or complaint, went along with all his schemes despite most of them ending in failure and punishment.

That was all childish though. If he was asked exactly when he'd fallen in LOVE love with Raphael, he couldn't say for sure. It had probably always been there, simmering inside him like a pot waiting to boil over. It just creeped up on him and swallowed him whole, until he couldn't deny it anymore.

It made him feel stupid, creepy, out of control of himself... every negative emotion a person could feel about themselves, he did. It wasn't enough that he was he incestuously desiring his BROTHER for God's sake, to the point where he was waking up to his sheets cemented to his legs and Raph's name on his lips. He was also too afraid to say anything about it. And it wasn't just the physical he craved, although it did seem like every time he looked at the oldest, Raph was more striking than the last time.

He wanted Raphael to gaze at him with a different kind of love in his amber eyes than familial. He wanted him to smile at Donatello in a way he'd never smile at anyone else. He wanted him to sneak kisses during meditation, pinch him under the covers when they watched movies and pretend to be interested in his projects just to be around him.

What Donatello wanted, more than a series of quick screws, more than anything, was for his brother to love him back. It was paralyzing, how much he craved it. But it was increasingly clear he would most likely never get it.

Raphael was sneaking out every night now, not just a few times a week, and Donatello knew deep down in his sizeable brain that not all of those nights were spent with Casey. There was that weird comment Leatherhead made about smelling pheremones on him, and then, for a few moments on the night after the great dinner debacle, he could have sworn he'd caught a whiff of something when hed passed his brother...

Donnie glanced up and caught an image of himself in the corner of his computer screen, feeling his spirit sink even more the longer he looked at himself. He knew he was plain, and he wouldn't consider himself attractive by anyone's standards, human or otherwise. Raph was... Well, Raph, and Mikey was small and curvy and cute, big blue eyes and freckles set on sea green skin.

Donatello? Pale, chalky, almost sickly green, hands rough and covered with a multitude of scars from science experiments, lanky and tall with nondescript brown eyes that clashed so horribly with his purple mask they almost looked like a shade of muddy orange and were constantly ringed with shadowy bags. It was no wonder he hadn't held April's attention for more than a few seconds and he doubted he would ever attract his brother's.

 _'Unlike **him.'**_ Donnie's shoulders tightened. A low snarl rumbled out from between his teeth, muffled through the flesh of his cheek. No, he didn't have coffee colored irises or a near perfect light green complexion. But someone else did, and he _despised_ it... _Them_.

His whole family seemed to have developed some kind of obsession with their newest enemy and it was utterly mystifying. If he had to hear Mikey call Leonardo 'hot' one more time, he was going to projectile vomit regardless where they were or who they were around.

He wasn't crazy, he knew he'd seen Raph's eyes track Leonardo and linger on him. Just thinking of it made something lava hot and vicious swirl in Donatello's intestines, even worse than when he thought Raph had a crush on Casey before the human had hooked up with April. It made him want to do... things. Ugly things

It was unthinkable. Raphael, HIS brave, loyal Raphael... with a spineless, falsified, soulless person like Leonardo? As if.

Most of those dreams that left him with sticky blankets featured Raph mangling Leonardo in some gruesome, inadvertent way, and Donnie...comforting him afterwards.

Terrible, but true.

Suddenly lightly nauseous, no longer desiring to be on the computer or even awake, Donatello forcefully hit the power button and pushed his rolling chair away from his desk. He started to strip out of his gear in the dark, shamefully wishing it was his brother doing it instead. He lay down and refused to acknowledge the poignant stabs of envy and hurt cramping up his insides until he was emotionally exhausted enough to fall asleep.

* * *

Leonardo was late, and Raphael couldn't wait to rub it in his stupid face. And he wasn't just late, he was _late_ late, as in over thirty minutes late.

For the first time he could remember starting this just a short almost month ago, he was alone on the roof of the dilapidated motel by his lonesome, glaring smugly out at the near vacant neighborhood surrounding the abandoned building. It was a warm night, but even if it would have been thirteen below zero he would have been kept toasty with nothing but his pride.

Granted, they hadn't _exactly_ agreed to meet that night. His sneaking out had been a spur of the moment thought, not motivated by a text or call. In reality, he didn't know why he was here or why he was waiting so long. He wasn't even feeling particularly randy...kind of the opposite. Donnie had changed his medication yet again, leaving his emotions as clear as a muddy pond.

Raph shifted his weight from foot to foot and crossed his arms over his chest, wincing at the dull, painful shift of torn flesh compressed tightly under his armbands. Three new lines were cut into his skin, and one that was half finished. He'd started off wanting to hurt, but something had changed his mind and driven him out into the city rather than continue with the blade, probably because he knew the other turtle would find him and the thought of being hurt by him was more appealing than the thought of hurting himself.

When he allowed himself to think about it, it was almost scary, the mental and physical pull Leonardo had on him. It twisted his muscles into knots, gave him feverish dreams that never quite lasted long enough. He tortured him, teased him, lied to him, hurt him, but he kept coming back, kept asking for it because his body knew what it was missing now when it didn't before. He was more aware of it every day, an empty, shivering vacancy that only stayed filled for a short amount of time before he needed more.

Time ticked on and on and on, and still he stood there with no idea why. Eventually though, he heard the sound of feet alighting on the rooftop behind him, and he smirked a little before turning around. Leonardo no doubt liked to think he was perfectly soundless, but Raph was getting used to recognizing his comings and goings. That, and the fact that if it was anyone else that usually frequented the rooftops late at night, he'd probably be already in the middle of a fight.

Leonardo didn't look like he'd been expecting to see him. He was dressed in full armour and that black hood thing, the cowl part pulled down over his eyes and mouth, with a visible long dagger in his belt and his two regular swords on his back.

"Yer late," Raph began sarcastically. He could almost pinpoint the exact moment those brown eyes started to roll around in their sockets.

"I wasn't aware I had anywhere to be." Leonardo replied, pulling the fabric away from his face.

"Yer all dolled up," Raph said. "Family outin'?"

"I'll keep that to myself, thanks." Leonardo retorted easily. He cut his eyes sideways at Raph with an expression that was one part suspicion and one part... Something else. "Why are you here? I didn't text you."

Raph bristled and shrugged, glancing away from his face. "Yeah well, ya showed up didn't ya?"

"This route is on my way home." Leonardo pointed out. "And phones work both ways. You could have texted me. But you didn't answer me."

Raph guttered out a heavy sigh. "I dunno, shit," he answered, surprisingly truthfully. "Ah jus'..."

When next he looked, Leonardo was holding his hand out like he was expecting Raph to give him something. "Give it here, then."

"What are ya talkin' about?" Raph asked, confused, and Leonardo returned the bewildered look. "Aren't you giving it back?" The corner of his mouth turned up into a knowing smirk. "Or we're you trying to keep it?"

Raph stared at him blankly, wondering what the hell he was rambling about. Leonardo heaved his own sigh and raised an eye ridge. "The toy?"

"Oh-!" Raph flushed so hard and so quickly it almost hurt his face. "Um, ah didn't... Uh-"

Leonardo huffed out a chuckle. "I guess not." He shook his head. "Keep it."

"Gee, thanks," Raph snapped, ire thankfully aiding him in getting over his embarrassment. "Jus' what I always wanted." This was probably the longest conversation they'd ever had without physical contact.

"I'll bet," Leonardo shot back, not angrily. It almost sounded like he was teasing, but that couldn't have been it. Raph saw and heard him inhale sharply and knew what he was smelling, or rather NOT smelling- his lack of any real arousal. All of a sudden Raph felt strangely ashamed, like he was doing something wrong by not being super duper horny.

"You're really not here for sex, are you?" he asked quietly, sounding amazed.

"I thought ya'd be here earlier," Raph muttered lamely, like that was any excuse for his random actions. "I mean, if yer offerin'..."

Leonardo exhaled and leaned back against the overhang. "You'd be slightly disappointed. I'm not feeling inventive tonight."

"Ya look like shit," Raph observed bluntly. A purple crosshatching of light bruises were scattered across the expanse of his arms and he was slouching more than usual, with an internal tiredness he'd never seen before. He was betting that underneath the charcoal mask, there were dark circles ringing Leonardo's eyes.

"Gentle as ever." Leonardo snorted. "I have to leave soon anyway, so we wouldn't have much time."

And huh, he was disappointed, but...

Not in the way he should have been.

"Fine." Raph shoved his hands down in his hoodie and shuffled for the edge of the roof, wrestling with his stupid, stupid emotions that refused to identify themselves.

"Going home?" Leonardo called.

"Where else, Jersey?" Raph huffed. There was nothing for him here tonight. So why was a tiny part of him feeling crestfallen?

"Going to pick a fight no doubt." Leonardo continued. Raphael spun on his heel and glowered at him suspiciously. "What's it ta you?"

Another eye roll. "Kind of stupid, since I'm standing right here."

Raph recoiled slightly at the suggestion. "Ya actually wanna... what, we spar or somethin? Ah thought ya was tired."

"I am," Leonardo clarified. "And I'm also restless. Throwing you around the rooftops for a few minutes might help me sleep a little better." Again, there was that teasing tone.

Raph pursed his mouth and hummed a little, considering. He'd never fought the other male without direct intent to mortally injure. Sparring with him might be weird, but it might be kind of... Interesting. Plus, he was feeling restless and strange himself. If he couldn't get to sleep later, he'd have no other options besides stealing medicine or finishing what he'd started with his razor.

"Unarmed?" he asked, and Leonardo nodded. "Mm. I don't really feel like visiting the infirmary."

"Alright then," Raph conceded. He waited until Leonardo stood all the way up and unbuckled his weapons from his shell before removing his own, kicking them to safety under the overhang. It was all a little surreal, but almost nothing in his life made much sense anymore, so why the hell not.

Leonardo stood his ground as Raph circled him. He smelled sweaty, but only slightly, like he'd started doing something physical and stopped halfway through. If that was the case, he got why maybe Leonardo wanted to spar. Getting warmed up and then having no outlet was the worst.

Raph moved low to the ground, his calf muscles tensing and relaxing as he shifted his weight. He knew he was grinning, excited automatically by the promise of violence, even fake violence, but Leonardo's face was set and still, tracking his every motion. Everything in Raphael wanted to strike first, but his rational brain ran through a quick montage of every time he'd ever faced Leonardo, and he realized he had a better chance of not embarrassing the shit out of himself if he remained on the defensive.

So he waited, waited for some action, but Leonardo didn't move, and Raph figured that he wasn't like Karai, who would have already been on him.

Raph grew impatient; he rolled his eyes and the grin deepened and then he lashed out with a fist that just barely grazed Leonardo's jaw- or would have, if the other turtle didn't duck and pivot out of the way, getting in two quick jabs to Raph's midsection. He snarled and threw himself after him, chasing him down around the roof.

Kick. Duck. Punch. Repeat. Dodge. Grab. Repeat. Back and forth, a blur of strike and counterstrike, practiced accuracy and incredible speed versus punishing strength and brutal technique. Raphael outweighed his opponent by at least 20 pounds, but Leonardo was slippery as fuck. His blows glanced off of his forearms like raindrops, diverted to the sides every time Leonardo twisted with the force. Mikey was all about invading personal space, and Donnie was a distance fighter, but Leonardo had a knack for turning Raphael's own momentum against him.

The anger and bloodlust was there, simmering under the surface of his mind, but the knowledge that this was a play fight helped keep Raph focused and in control. Somewhere in the middle of it they started jeering and goading, and sometime during that, it started getting... fun.

"You've got two left feet, Hamato."

"Bettah than tissue paper punches, Shreddah Junior."

"As- Hah!- as if."

Raph struck out and landed a rolling blow along Leonardo's shoulder, bending back at the hips to avoid an elbow straight to the beak.

"Ooh, flexible."

"Try not ta cheat like usual."

Sweat flew like rain drops, and his muscles burned as the fight continued and intensified, but Raphael reveled in the stretch and sting of a good workout singing through his arms, ignoring the discomfort until it was a small tingle in the back of his awareness. He laughed to himself when he thought he felt Leonardo's hits losing power, and his blocks becoming slower and less effective.

"Thought they- made the- Foot outta- stronger stuff," he taunted, slowly backing Leonardo towards the overhang with the press of his attacks. It was like being the hulk, or the juggernaut, pushing through hits that would have stunned a lighter opponent. "Gettin' tired, princess?"

A few more minutes of that, and his opening came like a bolt of lighting- he saw, in his near slow motion, adrenaline pumped vision, Leonardo move to barely block a punch that left his center wide open. Raph made for that gap as fast as his body could process the thought. Leonardo grabbed his wrist but wasn't able to deflect, and Raph knew it was over as soon as he went flying back when it connected-

"HAH!"

Except it didn't connect. The grip on his arm was suddenly hard as steel, and he felt his entire body be pulled down and diagonal, along the sideline of Leonardo's body. Belatedly, he had a flash of the night Leonardo had fought Donnie and used the same feint, but there was no time to stop it from happening. In two seconds there was a knee in his gut and a leg under his heels, sweeping his ankles out from below his body and sending him crashing, head over ass with a bellow, onto the roof.

"NNGHFUCK-!"

The air hissed out of his chest and took its time returning, sending his sight spiralling. Raphael rolled on his back, shaken more by the speed of the move than how hard the impact was. "Dirty f-fuckin' fake," he wheezed- and stopped as an unfamiliar sound broke over his eardrums.

Laughter. Leonardo was laughing. Not snickering, or chuckling, or smirking. Actual, honest laughing, without any malice or guardedness. His eyes were gleaming and his shoulders were shaking and he looked about five years younger as it bubbled out of his mouth, smooth and clear with a small hitch at the end.

Hearing it, seeing it... it was strange, but a strange that was kind of good, and Raph's heart did a random twisty thing against his permission that he hoped didn't translate onto his face. His pride broke, and he felt a chuckle of his own slip free, before a rumbling bark of laughter followed it. "S-shut up."

Leonardo rubbed a hand over his sweat slicked face and cleared his throat, and just like that the laughter was gone, but the echo of it still rang in Raph's head. "I can't believe you fell for that." He was crouching, breathing a bit harder than normal, pupils dialated. Raph had a sudden ridiculous urge to reach out and touch him.

 _What the **fuck**._ He balled his fingers into fists.

"I thought ya said ya wouldn't cheat," he grunted.

"I didn't. There's nothing false about letting your opponent get over confident and lose the match for himself." Leonardo replied. There was still a hint of a smile twitching at the corners of his lips. "You're the cheater, if anything. Don't think I didn't see you try to kick that grit in my face."

"Whateva, Sun Tzu." There was a satisfying pull and sag in his body that spoke of immediate sleep once he got home, real authentic exhaustion.

Once they'd recuperated, Leonardo recovered his swords and helped him up, while Raph ignored the tiny tremor of warmth that raced up and along his nerves at the little contact.

"I don't think I'll be free tomorrow," the lighter turtle told him. "I'll try though."

"Yeah, k-kay." Raph stuttered. He realized with horror that he hadn't let Leonardo's hand go even though he'd been standing for about ten seconds, and he dropped it like a hot potato, mortified without knowing why. "I mean, ya know, whatever. Don't really matter." he finished gruffly.

Leonardo didn't seem to notice. "You fight well." he admitted. "For a sewer dweller." He strode forward and past, but not before leaning in and brushing his beak against Raphael's in a gesture that wasn't quite a kiss, not quite a nuzzle, but that felt _right_ all the same.

It was over in a heartbeat, and then he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know Donnie is amazing and hot, but we all have self depreciating thoughts every now and then. I love him, trust me.


	35. Kids at Heart (Heads or Tails)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raph teaches Leo a game, and Leo shows Raph how to share.
> 
> Translations at the end.

"Huh. Looks like someone else got sick of your mouth."

Raphael snapped his teeth in Leonardo's general direction and twisted his neck petulantly away from where he was leaning back on the motel roof shed, beaming in mock appreciation at the long, thin cut (more of a scratch) slicing diagonal up the side of his face.

"If yer that tired a' mah mouth, maybe I'll stop usin' it," he said, battling the embarrassed flush of color and heat seeping into his skin. The rest of him was already warm from his long slog across the city. Early July and the night was already twice as hot as any in June had been. Summer was kicking into high gear, filling the city streets with college kids turned loose from campuses and trollers that left their holes to creep in the warm weather.

All that meant for Raphael was more pedestrian notice to avoid and increased caution whenever he went out. Risk of detection in warmer months was always higher, but the rooftops were still safe, at least temporarily. He'd ditched the hoodie after leaving the perfectly air conditioned lair and going just a block in the stuffy tunnels, leaving it balled and waiting for him to return in a dry holey pipe.

He couldn't stop himself from observing Leonardo on the sly from his angled position, flicking his gaze up and down his lean form. He had apparently decided to forgo the sweatpants and most of his extra armor, leaving more of his light green skin exposed than Raph had ever seen, excepting elbow and knee pads and the ribbons wound thick around his arm.

He had an air about him like his journey from the Foot Tower hadn't made him hot at all- he wasn't even sweating, which pissed Raph off just a tiny bit. He looked better than the last time they'd seen each other though. The bruises were gone and his spine was erect, unbent with the previous exhaustion.

"Then I wouldn't have any use for you at all, would I?" Leonardo simpered, letting his eyes slowly shift away like he was bored of the conversation at hand. "Not like it was amazing to begin with. But its a nice distraction, when its not running."

"Funny, I was just thinkin' the same thing about you." Raph drawled bluntly. _What an asshole._ Still, there was less malice in the thought than all the times before.

"Doubtful," Leonardo replied breezily, and Raph snorted at the passive arrogance. Neither of them was making any move to go inside yet, and for some reason he was kind of okay with that, even though he really didn't want to think about why. He didn't keep coming back around Shredder's son for his conversation, after all.

But...

"How _did_ that happen?" Leonardo asked, peering at the cut and raising his own fingers to his face, wiggling them to illustrate it. He moved forward and reached for him. Raph tensed, but relaxed when all he did was place cool fingertips under his jaw and tilt his head so he could see better. His heart rate instantly increased under his scrutinizing gaze, and the blush crawled higher as saliva collected in the back of his mouth. Shit, but Leonardo smelled _good._

"Why'd'ya care?" he grunted. Leonardo lifted and dropped his shoulders. "Just curious," he said. "The only marks I ever see on you are usually put there by me." he added wryly, and Raph grumbled unintelligibly. He had a point. The only time he ever saw Leonardo less than perfect was after the attentions of his own teeth and nails, other than...

_Hot blood and torn, shredded flesh and wet sticky thread and the threat of tears behind unfocused brown eyes-_

_NO NO NO._ He was not reliving that nightmare any more than he had to in his dreams.

"This wasn't my sister." Leonardo continued, inspecting the cut. Raph stilled and bit down on his lip, trying to distract himself from the maddeningly light touch, and the brush of Leonardo's breath on his neck. "She never would have gotten this close and landed a hit this sloppy. I didn't see any recent record of us having run into you. And the dragons would have taken your head off..."

A shiver crawled down his scutes. "T-trainin'," he blurted, hating the word the minute it tumbled off his tongue. He hadn't meant to say that, but his ability to lie was at least halved whenever Leonardo put hands on him. "It was mah brother's fault."

"He cut you?" Leonardo repeated dubiously, arching an eye ridge toward his forehead. "You actually fight using weapons?"

Raph squirmed. The truth was that no, Mikey hadn't cut him- he hadn't even hit him. They'd been playing ninja tag, one stupid thing led to another, and they'd ended up tripping over the coffee table. But if Leonardo thought it was from some sort of furious training session, why not let him believe it?

He shrugged noncommittedly, and Leonardo made a little noise that sounded slightly impressed. Raph watched an almost mischievous look flicker to life in his eyes with a twinge of unease.

Leaning up slowly on his toes, Leonardo dragged the flat of his tongue delicately along the line of his cheekbone, sweeping it deliberately up and over the cut, dipping the point of the wet, warm appendage lightly into the split skin and chuckling when Raphael hissed at the sting of it being reopened. He moved his mouth to cover the slice and sucked gently on the ragged edges of the wound until the flesh was throbbing, red and swollen. Raph growled a warning, and he placed a placating, iron tinted kiss in the corner of his beak. The blood was flowing again, dribbling down his dark green face in a ruby red trail.

Leonardo smirked and spat a tiny, glittering shard of glass into his palm, stepping back and showing it to him before tossing it onto the roof. "Liar."

Raphael glowered at him and debated trying to stick with his lie. _Fuck it._ He was caught already. "Dumb game anyway," he muttered, scrubbing bloody saliva from his beak.

"What is?"

"Ninja tag." He raised his own eyeridge at the fleeting expression of utter confusion that overtook the other males face. "Ninja tag?" Leonardo repeated, voice dripping in disbelief as he enunciated the two words like a foreign phrase. "What in the hell is a 'ninja tag'?"

"Ya never played freakin' ninja tag before?" Raph returned. Leonardo didn't answer, and he stared at him, stunned a little. "It's a stealth game? Like regular tag with rules?" Another blank look, and his eyes widened. "Have ya ever even played _regular_ tag?"

Leonardo bristled and tensed, and a dusty brown colour topped his cheeks. "No."

Raph blinked and pushed a short laugh out of his throat. "Are ya kiddin'me? That's been around for...shit, I dunno, a hundred years. Shreddah didn't train ya with it?"

Leonardo's pissy silence was answer enough. Raph shook his head slowly. "Wow. Huh. That sucks, cause yer sneaky ass prob'ly woulda liked it a helluva lot."

Leonardo still looked uneasy and annoyed- something had gotten under his skin, and it was slightly fascinating to see. "If it's a stealth game, I'd win. Period."

"Um, nah. I'm the champ at ninja tag." Raph informed him smugly.

"I'm not sure if you know this, but you don't really scream 'stealth master'," Leonardo goaded snidely, crossing his arms. "More like 'ninja dropout'."

"All'a that talkin' shit, comin' from somebody who ain't never played." Raph shot back hotly. "Just cause Shred-head sharpens them toothpicks on yer back don't make you a better ninja than me." _Shut up, shut up, shut up goddamit you're gonna start another goddamn-_

"Are you offering?" Leonardo smirked, and Raph smelled a trap being set, pulling him slowly but surely in like a magnet collar around his throat. He should have already put his foot down on the idea.

If only, if only he hadn't tasted victory those nights ago, with the toys...it was just another craving added to the list. "I ain't come here ta play games with ya," he reminded him with a frown that he tried as hard as he could to make stern as possible (as if Leonardo would listen to him anyway) in a last ditch effort to try to distract him from the idea. If he yanked on that thread, then Raph would follow, as sure as April's drapes matched her carpet, information courtesy of her stand-up husband.

"We're s'posed ta fuck, member?" Raph prodded, hating the near desperate whine in his own tone.

Leonardo's eyes gleamed over his hungry grin, and Raphael's stomach sank down into his toes.

_Shit._

_...Again._

* * *

They came up with rules, after Leonardo was brought up to speed on the basics of the game, but changed them a little bit and decided to go with a point system to decide the winner in the end.

5 points for landing a 'tag', 10 for matching it, 50 for upping the stakes; instead of tapping the target on the shoulder, plopping a big fat one on the lips, or something similar. 15 points for tags that received some sort of noise in return. 100 points if the tagged 'surrenders' or pulls away from the tag, but 50 points to him if he actually participates to the tag.

Leonardo claimed he had an idea for a reward, but wouldn't tell him what. That, as usual, made Raph's jaw bone ache, even he knew this was his fault for agreeing.

 _'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result_.' Donnie's voice was snooty and judgemental even in his own mind, until he pushed it to the back to silence it.

But really, how hard could it be? Leonardo might have been a sneaky bastard, but he hadn't even known what tag _was,_ ninja version or not, and as far as Raph knew, he was basically a foreigner. There was no way he knew all the nooks and crannies of the Manhattan borough like Raph did. He couldn't possibly lose.

"Thirty minutes." Raph barked, bracing his foot against the lip of the roof, furrowing his forehead at the turtle mirroring his position on top of the stairwell shed. They would take off in different directions. "Thirty minutes, then we come back here so I can fuck ya."

Leonardo rotated his left wrist and crouched into a runner's lunge. "Success goes to your head, obviously," he said. He offered him a grin that still managed to be condescending. "It's adorable."

A scraping sound filled Raph's skull, and he was pleasantly surprised at the fact that he didn't swallow any tooth fragments immediately after. "Thirty. Minutes." he ground out. "Then that ass is mine." He was momentarily distracted when Leonardo's tail gave a little wiggle, curling and lengthening just slightly against the firm flesh of his backside that Raphael could see when he leaned forward. His throat sucked closed, and a warm shiver of desire danced through his lower regions.

"Come get it then," he taunted, eyes slitted and saucy, and Raph had half a mind to tackle him off his perch and do his damndest to make that smart mouth squeal, right there on the roof.

Leonardo was gone before he could formulate a comeback.

* * *

If Raphael had thought that hunting down Shredder's pride and joy over the hot, stuffy avenues would be similar to tracking a pack of Dragons, he hadn't known he could be so dead wrong.

Screw ten- his every sense was tuned up to eleven, but he might have been as scent blind as a human for all the good it did him. Smog and city funk damnear overpowered every other smell that might have been lurking beneath, and it was increasingly hard to stay out of sight as the night wore on.

He was currently winning, though he doubted that would last long. Leonardo had scored a five point tag a few minutes into the game, but on a hunch Raph had decided to try the billboards near Broadway, figuring that would be where a ninja tag rookie would hide out, and he ended up being right, to the tune of a smack on the ass and a quick fifty points. That was apparently where his luck ran dry, because he'd checked every other billboard in the city after that and found nothing.

Raph rolled to a pause on the roof of a church and ducked behind the steeple to catch his breath, gulping down air and getting only car fumes. His irises shone like headlights in the dark as he searched for any flicker of movement. Thunder rumbled lowly in the distance and heavy black clouds covered the moon, making the humid heat worse.

"Where are ya, where are ya," he mumbled, wiping away the droplets of sweat clinging to his jaw. Fifteen minutes in, and fifteen minutes left. He thought about making Leonardo beg for his cock before he finally gave it to him, and it brought a lecherous grin to his face.

He tensed and nearly bolted at the sudden rush of motion and noise above him, but relaxed slightly when a lone pigeon fluttered down to perch on the gargoyle he was hidden behind. It stared at him with beady yellow eyes and cooed gently, making him roll his own at his paranoia.

"Get lost," he hissed, flapping a hand at it. The dumb bird only twitched and started to preen as another flew down to join it, and another. Almost two minutes passed like that, until, almost as if they'd been triggered, every pigeon took off in a huge cloud of feathers, noise, and panic.

It only took a split second for his confusion to deteriorate into dread, but he couldn't have moved fast enough to avoid the knife that came out of nowhere, whistling through the air to notch itself into the brick directly beside his neck.

_How in the hell did he-?!_

_Shitshitshit. Run!_

Heart jackhammering behind his ribs, Raph twisted to take a flying leap off the church roof and nearly hung himself when he discovered that the knife had pinned the tails of his mask perfectly to the building. He yelled out a curse and grappled for the handle, and then Leonardo was there, appearing wraith silent out of the gloom with a smile that would make a T Rex proud.

He clicked his tongue and chuckled, nearly skipping towards him. "Five." He dodged the frantic kick Raph aimed at him and circled around to grab the knife with one hand, trailing the other firmly up the inside of Raph's leg, shoving their faces together in a kiss that was mostly spit and suction. "Fifty," he murmured wetly, wrenching the blade out of the brick right when Raph started to gasp for air, shoulder checking him the rest of the way down the sloped roof and vanishing just as fast.

"Fuck," Raph coughed, knuckling his temples to try and jump start his brain. Sixty to fifty, and not in his favor.

_I can still do this, I can still do this._

And then the game began in earnest.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Raph was ready to kill something.

"A goddamn tie?!" he snarled, heatedly pacing a rut around the perimeter of the motel room. The already cracked, spotty mirror on top of the vanity was begging to be smashed, and he had to clench the muscles in his arm to stop himself from littering the floor with glass.

Leonardo observed him, plainly amused and not even trying to hide it, or at least hide it well. He was sweaty and disheveled, cross legged on the floor with his shell up against the bed. "A tie," he echoed, almost happily, clearly ecstatic at Raph's anger.

"Ah don't buy it," Raph snapped. His control on English vernacular slipped as his ire rose.

"We both kept count," Leonardo scoffed, unruffled by it. "Eighty seven to eighty seven. It's equal and you know it. You're just mad because you didn't win. If I had lost you'd be over the moon." He cracked his knuckles uncaringly. The loud snapping noises only served to irritate Raph more.

"Ya knew this would happen. Somehow." Raph accused bitterly. Yes, he was pouting like a baby. Did he care? No. This, like so many other things that happened between them, was utter bullshit. Nothing would convince him otherwise.

Leonardo didn't even bother to sigh. "I'm sure we both tried our best to win," he droned, voice oozing with sugary condescension. "You're acting like you expected me to fail on purpose, and if that's the case then you really haven't been paying attention."

"Shut up."

"Want to flip a coin for it?" he asked maliciously, grinning. "Heads I'm yours, Tails you're mine?"

"Ya'd cheat." Raph growled, and Leonardo huffed indignantly. "You can't cheat at a coin toss." His eyes roamed back and forth, tracking Raph's agitated movements for a few more seconds before rolling around in annoyance."Are you going to sulk the rest of the night, or what?"

"Nobody won." Raph pointed out sourly.

"And?" Leonardo shrugged. "We never planned for a tie. That doesn't mean we can't come up with something now."

"Like?" Raph asked sarcastically.

"Come down here."

Raph screeched to a confused stop, staring at him like he'd grown a second head. He hadn't moved from the floor. "Wha? Why don't ya just get on tha-?"

"For the love of- just do it!"

Blinking, puzzled, Raphael bent his knees and obeyed, lowering his bulk down onto the dusty floor. He opened his mouth to say something else and Leonardo cut him off with a harsh kiss, a, non verbal SHUT UP, swallowing down his question. He braced both hands on his plastron and pushed him down onto his back, manoeuvring between his legs and shifting his weight on top of him.

Raph immediately tensed under his body, unconsciously wary of willingly giving up even the facade of dominance. Leonardo snorted against his mouth and pushed harder, tangling their wide tongues in a way that made a whimper catch in the larger turtle's throat.

"Relax, _Makezugirai_ ," he mumbled, when they disconnected. "You'll like this."

"Like w-wh..." The word trailed off into a breathy stutter. Raphael lifted his head off the floor, pupils widening by the second, to watch Leonardo kiss, lick, and nip his way down his body, neck to collarbone to hip, equal parts soft lips and hard teeth and just the right mixture of both to leave him a shivering mute, flicking on all his sensitive spots like light switches.

Some were almost gentle enough to tickle, and some were a few more clicks of pressure away from drawing blood. Raph squirmed, impatient and disoriented by the rapidly changing sensations, trying not to think about how it felt like Leonardo was devouring him.

_Like he hasn't already._

He wasn't prepared for when everything above him SHIFTED, changed direction. Leonardo literally planted his feet near Raphael's hips and swung a leg over him in a smooth movement like he was mounting a bike, except...

"What tha fuck are ya doin?!"

He heard Leonardo make an exasperated sound- heard, not saw, because the other male was now stradling him backwards, or upside down, or maybe both, with his rear facing Raph's rapidly reddening face and his own directly over the juncture of his thighs.

"It should be pretty obvious."

"Well it ain't!" He tried to begin to stand, but Leonardo pushed down hard on his knees. Confusion started to give way to anger again. The thought that _he's fucking brain damaged_ ran through his head.

"Somethin' is fuckin' wrong with-! hhh- _nngg_..."

His entire lower half twitched as one muscle when something scalding hot and slimy landed suddenly and dead center into the pulsing gap of his cloaca and dripped swiftly lower, cooling and spreading once it came to rest between his legs.

Raph bit his lip and inhaled shakily, glancing down to see Leonardo giving him an upside down stare, licking a shiny trail of saliva off the corner of his lip. "Obvious now?"

Abashed, Raph nodded.

"Going to be quiet and drop?"

He forced himself to nod again, and held in a little whimper as Leonardo bent down to slurp the extra moisture back into his mouth, dipping his tongue down hard into his slit, which widened in response, over and over until he was wiggling his hips and releasing, thick and painfully hard.

Leonardo didn't waste any time slurping him down, all the way down to the root before pulling back and working tricks that made Raph's toes curl to the point of cramping. His lips pressed against the glans and sucked gently. He tongued the head and then ran out around the edge, under the ridge and dipped down into the hole, lapping up the thick pearly liquid that kept steadily building there.

 _"Sshit,_ mmm, ah shit..." Raph's hissed curses overlayed the sloppy sounds. His skull rolled back to thud against the floor, and he gripped the backs of Leonardo's legs reflexively, shuddering through the slick assault. Tight then loose, then tight and loose and tight and-

Leonardo pulled all the way off just as he was losing himself in the feeling, fisting him in one hand and stroking slowly, chuckling when Raph growled. "This isn't a one sided position, _Monsuta,"_ he reprimanded lowly.

Raph uncrossed his eyes and looked up, slightly stunned to see that the huge bulge above his face was damp and moments away from bursting. "Ya w-want me ta-?"

"Duh."

Raph hesitated before reaching up and cupping Leonardo's slit in his palm, rubbing at it apprehensively with the pads of his fingers and following with his tongue while Leonardo rocked and panted above him.

 _How the hell am I gonna suck a dick upside down?_ He didn't have a lot of time to think about it- seconds later, Leonardo shivered and his vision was filled with firm purple flesh. He choked a little when he felt his own hardness enveloped back in wet warmth, and instinctively did the same, widening his jaw and doing his best to take Leonardo's cock to the back of his throat.

Moving slowly, he worked Leonardo's cock deeper into his mouth inch by half inch. Each time he added a little bit, he moved back until just the head was left, sucking the whole way. He slid the throbbing length back into his mouth, tonguing the underside along the way.

It felt like the twilight zone, giving and receiving the same kind of pleasure all at once. Raph's mind was doing a freaking balancing act, trying to focus on both. He fell into the soft glide of lips and the flick of his tongue and ended up gagging desperately when an inch more than he could handle slipped down and cut off his air.

It was torturous and irritating and fantastic, keeping him right on the edge of his own climax without letting him tumble over.

On a whim, yearning to hear some noises beside his own, Raph kissed up the underside of Leonardo's cock like the other male had done to him, paying special attention to the throbbing veins, they way they collapsed and popped back up under the pressure of his tongue. His attempt at teasing was rewarded with a loud moaning gurgle that sent vibrations rolling deliciously up his spine.

"Mmmrrgm!...mmmm..."

Leonardo let him slip out abruptly. The cold air was a shock to his heated cock, but Raph's grumble morphed into a loud yelp at the first pass off a tongue around his hole. "Aha, aw ffuck..."

He widened his knees with half a brain and tried to focus on not falling apart completely as Leonardo licked him out, suckling on his gland hard enough to paralyze him and spreading the sticky liquid around and around with slow slides of his flat tongue.

Raph whined and dug his nails into the grooves of Leonardo's carapace, pushing up into his face to chase the slippery sensation. "Yeahyeah _ **yeah**_ ," he babbled, twitching like he was being electrocuted. It didn't take long until he felt the edge of a nail circling, and he tensed in anticipation, but Leonardo didn't push in. Instead, he pushed down on Raph's face, swaying his ass and uncoiled tail directly in front of his eyes. His smell was musky and pungent and intoxicating.

Dizzy on pleasure and painfully aware of his empty state, Raph didn't even think about it. He grabbed Leonardo's backside and buried his beak in the crease of his cheeks, jabbing at his hole viciously.

"U _ **h**_! Ah-oh-!"

Leonardo arched up and tightened around his body, gasping at a higher and higher pitch as Raph nibbled and plucked at his puckered entrance. Their fingers filled them up at almost the same moment. Raph groaned low and long, savoring the hot sting as he was stretched and opened, making his nerves scream with tension. His own wrist moved without him having to think about it and soon Leonardo was taking two fingers to the knuckle while Raph thrust down onto three, both of them keening and moaning in sync.

"Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh..."

"Sh-shit, oh ffuuuck, oh f- ohhh, oh-oh-"

"S-stop," Leonardo rasped, reaching back to grip Raphael's forearm. "Stop, s-stop, just-"

"Wha?" Raph paused, but didn't remove his fingers. Leonardo did it for him and clambered off, yanking his digits out of the larger turtle so quick he flinched and clenched down on the feeling of emptiness. He lunged after him and was stopped by a light kick to his abdomen.

"Wait, wait..." Leonardo crouched down to rummage under the bed, giving Raph a full, perfect view of his swollen hole and gland that made his cock jerk. When he leaned back, the drawstring bag was dangling from his fingers. He gave it a shake and locked gazes with him, raw and searingly open, irises hot and dark like melted chocolate. "You trust me?"

All the moisture fled Raph's throat at the question, loaded with challenge and daring and God knew what else. He was momentarily at a loss for words. Leonardo was gleaming with perspiration, wonderfully wrecked, mask hanging leash like around his smooth neck, and Raph had a jolting impression that he was staring at the devil, asking him to hand over the last part of his soul.

His insides knotted up and a shudder rattled down his vertebrae. The tension in the small room hiked higher with every beat of his heart that passed without an answer, and he felt like he was waiting for an axe to fall.

_I wish I could. I want to. I want-_

He tried to hide the thought before it could swim to the surface of his mind, but it made no difference. He knew the exact moment when Leonardo fished it out of his eyes because his lips curled into a sweetly wicked smile. He ducked in for a kiss, and Raph felt the axe swing.

The kiss led to him being on his back again. Above his head, Leonardo tugged open the bag and shuffle through the contents, pulling something _lo-o-ong_ out, inch by inch.

_Oh fuck. Oh fuck that isn't-_

Another kiss, slow and strong. Leonardo fought to nudge his knees apart and worm his hand back down, sliding a finger into Raph and mimicking his moan. He jumped a little when something popped loudly near his ear slit. The finger disappeared, and when it reappeared-

"Shit!" Raph spat, wincing away from the cold wetness dribbling down his tail.

"Sorry," Leonardo said, not sounding very sorry at all and sounding very much like a smug asshole. Raph glowered at him.

"'M already wet, shit, jus'-"

"You need more if you're going to take this." Leonardo cut him off, scissoring him rapidly. His eyes darted up, then down. "If _we're_ going to take this."

Raph watched and trembled mutely as the extra fake lube squelched and oozed around his entrance and Leonardo stretched and stretched until he was snarling and quaking and threatening and about to LOSE HIS FUCKING MIND IF LEONARDO DIDN'T-

And then-

Oh. Oh. OH.

 _"Rirakkusu,"_ Leonardo hissed, except Raph didn't really hear him, couldn't hear anything past the tidal wave of blood pressure swamping his cranium with waves of _tighttighttight bigbigbig hurtshurtshurtsSOFUCKINGGOOD._

Time slowed and stopped as the dildo pushed in millimetre by millimetre. Raphael couldn't move as he felt every second of it, felt it fill every bit of space inside him and keep going, splitting him right down the middle in an impossibly tight slide that felt like it would go on forever.

Then there were teeth in his throat and a hand pressing down on his chest. Leonardo hovered over him, still pushing, watching him with a ravenous expression. " _Kokyū shimasu._ Breathe."

Breathing. Lungs. In. Air. Yeah.

Raphael sucked in a struggling, barely sufficient gulp of air and let it out just as fast, eyes widening as he felt the toy slither even deeper. It hadn't looked half as big and wide as it felt inside of him right then. He hadn't known full before.

He knew full know. He was so full he could fucking cry. The marker from weeks ago? His own fingers? Hilarious. Nothing compared to the feeling of being spread and pried open in every direction all at once, to the point of bursting.

Fuck the next morning- he'd be feeling this shit for a week.

He blinked to clear the moisture from his eyes in time to see Leonardo chomp on his lower lip as he pushed himself down onto the other end of the toy in one whole thrust, catching his breath in a muffled grunt. The addition of his weight shoved the damn thing even DEEPER, and Raph yelled out loud as the knobbed head clipped his spot on the way past and turned all his joints to sand, making him quiver in places he didn't know could quiver.

" _Ohmyfuckinggod_ ," he pushed out through his teeth. His return thrust had Leonardo whimpering and rolling his pelvis down, filling them both up until they spasmed with pleasure-pain. They stayed in that position for just a moment, just time enough for their eyes to meet, both mirrors of lust, before they inevitably started to move, fucking each other until they had no more control over their vocal cords.

A tiny part of Raphael was freaked by how his body responded so naturally, raising his hips to meet the thrusts, tightening every muscle, trying to keep that rod inside of him for as long as possible. But the rest of him was overly concerned with moaning into Leonardo's mouth, tasting his moans in turn, clinging to his hips, the motion of each other against one another like a hammer and an anvil, ratcheting the heat and pleasure up higher and higher. They rocked like a seesaw, back and forth, linking and sliding their knees together so that no one was on top and no one was on the bottom but they writhed just the same.

"Oh shit, oh, oh, ohohoh-!"

They cried out as the toy ground and twisted against their spots in tandem, clawing a symphony of sinful sounds out of the both of them. Raph could fucking taste it in his throat, feel it pounding behind his eyes. It was like he was made of jello, shaking and watery, hot and tingling, building pressure that filled him up and pinned him down and spread him open, weak and vulnerable, and he couldn't deny that he LOVED-

"Aaah-fuck-ah-oh-j-jesus f-f-fuck!"

Words were somehow still making it out past the all consuming rhythm of the fake cock beating a senseless rhythm against his insides. Part of him knew it wasn't real, and most of him didn't care, but a piece of him deep in his animal brain longed for the heat he was missing, the drag of warm flesh instead of friction warmed silicone. The stretch and the burn was nearly gone, almost but not quite, the tiny wasp stings of pain still lingering in the background and making it that much better.

Leonardo was slurring Japanese and English into one breathy, broken dialect. Their turgid erections slid and bumped together in his rough palm the harder they rode the toy. Raph could feel it coming as the dildo smashed into his spot, heating up his every cell, seizing his organs one by one, and he knew Leonardo was close too, shuddering and curling in on himself in increments.

He grabbed for his hips as it started to take him, and Leonardo burrowed his blunt nails in Raphael's, and they both let out not quite screams as their climaxes slammed into them one after the other, making them clench down around both the toy and themselves so hard it bordered on pain. Raph didn't even register the huge splatters of come that gushed over his chest past the firestorm raging in his veins, too busy using every last brain cell he possesed trying to keep himself from sobbing like an absolute bitch as his world tilted sideways and whited out, leaving him a shaking blind puddle. Even then, he wasn't sure he succeeded.

It seemed like it took him eight hours to come down. When he could finally see straight, he realized that Leonardo had rolled off of him and removed the toy, small sounds flavoring the ends of his gasps. Neither of them had the strength to speak, or even get off the floor, so that was where they drifted off, right there at the foot of the bed.

Hours later, Raph woke up startled and sudden, tearing open his eyes and staring around the pitch black room like an alarm had gone off. Despite the enormous ache in his ass and the heavy, lingering effects of his orgasm, he felt unsettled. Something was wrong, off. Like the ground had shifted just slightly below his feet, but now that it had stopped he couldn't be sure it had actually happened.

He frowned drowsily, went to shift his position, and that was when he discovered two things. One, Leonardo was still there, and still asleep, next to him on the floor.

Two, he was much MUCH closer than he'd ever been, probably a few twitches away from cuddling Raphael. His head was beneath his arm and his left leg was still thrown causally over Raph's knee, breathing light and fluttery. Much like when he laughed, the years melted off his face when he slept. He looked younger and happier.

He actually looked kind of... A little bit...

Raphael stopped that thought cold and beat it to a pulp in the back of his mind, wriggling away from Leonardo's prone form as fast as his post-coming limbs could move him. Still, his body temperature refused to go down, and he could still feel the phantom touch of the other male's skin on his own.

He eventually faded back into sleep, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, something was wrong. Somehow, gradually, something had changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Makezugirai: Sore loser (Crybaby)
> 
> Rirakkusu: Relax


	36. Plugging the Leaks (And Advancing the Plot)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which both April and Karai both receive warnings of their own. (EDITED, because the first version sucked.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, crappy week. Comments would be nice right about now...  
> Translations at the end, as usual.

Once the last of that weeks tedious meetings finally scraped to a close, Karai retreated to her quarters with all the polite dignity she could muster, for once not in the mood to field syrupy compliments of disloyal, posturing old men.

She felt oddly drained and tense all at the same time, like a slinky that was one stretch away from uncoiling completely. The conflicting feelings needled her enough that she skipped attempting to meditate or exercise them away, and went straight to the package of Camels folded neatly under her training shirts. There were only three missing from the little white box, as smoking wasn't something she indulged in frequently, or even semi frequently. To be honest, she'd wanted one during the meeting, but that wasn't a habit to display in front of important company. Besides, the Shredder thought it was a vulgar and unladylike vice.

 _'That coming from a man with cupboards full of 500,000 dollar Saki.'_ Karai snorted to herself as she stuck a cigarette in the corner of her mouth and picked up an ornate lighter from her desk, igniting the end. She remembered convincing Leonardo to raid their father's alcohol stash when they were thirteen. They'd both been beaten within an inch of their lives.

That was one of the last memories she had of herself and Leonardo together, before he'd been sent away. A quick flash of anger sparked through her chest at the thought of what the Shredder had tried to do to them, and she sucked harder on the cigarette to quench it. Smoke curled slowly around her head on her next exhale, like horns.

More honesty bubbled to the surface of her mind. Part of the reason she was so annoyed was because ancient Madame Shao had been present during that nights proceedings. Most people would have seen the glances the old woman shot at the mutant as matronly and familial, but Karai knew better. He hadn't even been doing anything particularly _seductive_. But the old bat had licked her wizened lips at him all the same.

It made her sick with anger, but she wasn't shocked. She and Leonardo had both gotten _that look_ often enough as children. When you had enough money and power to run assorted countries, the usual gamut of hareems and concubines got old fast. Little taboos like pedophilia and xenophilia were common and accepted.

She suspected that's exactly what they'd been as little kids, displays and obscure temptations for the associates of the Shredder with less conventional tastes.

_Yet another way he exploited us._

She took a deep drag and let her dress slip off her shoulders to pool at her feet, luxuriating in the sweetly numb taste of Novocain and nicotine rolling over her tongue. She lay back on her bed in her underwear, unwilling to exert the energy needed to collect her robe from the chair. She considered calling for one of her current playthings- a girl just out of seduction training with a tongue that made her shiver and sigh- but she ultimately didn't.

More smoke hissed out of her nostrils, giving her the appearance of a pale, angry bull. Karai shook her head and refocused her rambling thoughts. She thought she recognized the feelings that plagued her- stress and yearning. Stress she didn't deal with very often. Why stress when most of your problems could be solved with murder? As for the yearning, though...

Karai growled past the cigarette in her mouth. She was used to getting what she wanted, but she was consistently being denied when it came to her brother.

She _wanted_ Leonardo, and not just for the childish reason that she'd been told no, although that was part of it. Barring that horrible five year gap, she'd spent nearly every waking moment with him. He knew her better than anyone, mind, body, and all. He was twisted and nearly broken, just like she was. Mirror images, in a way. They weren't blood siblings, but enduring their upbringing together had given them a shared soul.

Karai trailed a thin finger slowly across her abdomen. She'd told Leonardo she was prepared to dethrone her father to get what she wanted, and that was true. But to kill him... the thought made her insides roll with unease. The shredder had done things worth dying for, but so had she, and so had Leonardo. She didn't consider herself his moral judge. Far from it. She couldn't care less.

But death might be the only way her father would step down. And a part of her still recalled the Daddy that held umbrellas over her head when she begged to go out and play in the rain.

Her communicator began to flash and vibrate from where it had fallen, half a foot away from her hand on her bedspread. "Dammit," she groaned, grasping for it erratically and slamming her fist on the mattress until it bounced into the range of her fingers. The call terminated itself seconds before she could press the button, and she relaxed, only to spit in irritation as the flat screen on the wall flickered on, revealing the face of the one that hailed her to be Leonardo himself.

"What?" she snapped, glaring at him blearily through a haze of smoke.

Leonardo crossed his arms and appraised her blankly. **_"*We have a new objective, to be started immediately.*"_** He tilted his head, taking into account her state in undress, and her skin warmed, but not in appreciation. _**"*I'm guessing you need a minute.*"**_

"Fine." she sneered, and cut the connection abruptly. She had half a mind to ignore him and stay right where she was, force him to stop avoiding her room and come retrieve her. But he was too scared of disobeying their father, so he'd probably just send a soldier to do it.

When she'd dressed and re-draped herself in her regal attitude, she made her way to the main hall and was met with a silent entourage of Elites and Leonardo, also arained for combat. Their father was absent, but that didn't surprise her. She couldn't very well jump Leonardo in public with a full audience.

He wrinkled his nose just slightly when she walked up, and she saw the cords in his neck tighten like she'd done something offensive. "You smell like smoke..." he huffed, low enough for her ears only to hear.

Her shoulder blades rose defensively, like a dog's hackles, and she slitted her lids in his direction. "Excuse me for not taking the time to shower," she bit out primly, dropping her clawed gauntlets onto her hips. ""What now?" I thought we were done for the night."

"New intel." Leonardo informed her. "We found the accountant. The Shredder demands he be interrogated."

Despite her vexation, she smirked. "Well, something's going right at last." That smirk faded when she tossed her head and flipped her hair, and saw Leonardo flinch like he'd been slapped as the aroma of cigarette smoke filtered into the air.

* * *

The apartment was little more than a dingy, dirty little hole in the wall in an equally dingy, dirty part of the city. But the Doku Clan grunt had sworn on his life (and later given it) that it was the correct place, babbling the address over and over until they finally ripped his tongue out.

 _Three knocks and a kick... how stupid._ Smiling softly to herself, Karai raised a metal digit and tapped it sharply on the worn wood, chipping it slightly with every impact. She nudged it with her foot, and leaned in to press her lips to the minute crack in the frame when she heard a small scuffle of movement inside.

" _Diadem_ ," she whispered. Then came the sound of multiple locks scraping, clicking, and sliding open, and what she presumed to be an alarm system being disengaged. She almost giggled.

The door opened an eternity later, revealing a short, sweaty man with a large nose, thinning grey hair, and round, pouchy features. He stared dully at her, and she waved.

"Anya?" he croaked. Karai's smile faded, annoyed that he hadn't recognized her and reacted with appropriate fear. "Oruku?" she replied, miffed. The man finally blanched, color draining from his pitted cheeks like an upended paint can. He shouted something in Russian and scrambled to grab a pistol out of his waistband, pointing it tremulously in the center of her forehead.

Her clawed hand flashed in the low light from the broken hallway fixture, and the man's yells morphed into screams of horror and pain as the wallpaper was splashed with blood and the gun clattered to the floor. He stumbled back, clutching the remains of his mangled fingers, two of them dangling from a few threads of flesh and one sliced clean off, soaking the carpet with red. Karai twisted her wrist and stared, impressed, at the scraps of skin clinging to the pointed razor blades, resolving to send Acheron a thank you note as soon as she got home.

A long, thin strip of silver appeared under the man's doughy chin, stopping his contortions cold. Leonardo's hand tightened on the hilt of his katana from where he'd appeared out of nowhere and forced the man's head up, dragging him forcibly back into the tiny hotel room and into a beat down armchair. The elites were waiting to tie his arms down with silent efficiency. Karai skipped into the room after him, humming a lilting tune. She snagged a stool from the crummy kitchenette and pulled it around to face him.

She settled down into it delicately and propped her cheek on the back of her hand, smiling sweetly. "Hello, Arthur."

" _Сука_!" he spat, jowls jiggling and purple with pain and rage. " _Бедный суки , они убьют тебя за это-"_

Leonardo rolled his eyes and slammed the hilt of his sword into the man's temple, hard enough to make him yell. "English," the mutant drawled, for the benefit of the other elites.

The man twisted and turned in his seat, panting and green from pain, eyes wide as he tried to catch sight of his second assailant. "What-...what- what is...what are-?"

Karai groaned and clapped twice, quickly, to regain his attention on her. "Focus, Arthur."

"скот," Volkov gasped, kicking and flailing. "Monsters, they said... they said Foot clan use monsters, freaks..."

Another meaty smack. "Try to be civil, Arthur. We don't want this to get ugly."

Karai pouted. "I thought that was exactly what we wanted." Leonardo shot her an exasperated glance from behind their captive, and she sighed heavily. "Fine. You ruin all my fun." She turned dark, empty eyes on the squirming hostage. Time to get to business. "You're Arthur Volkov, correct? An accountant for the Doku Clan?"

"I know no Doku," Volkov hissed. "And I no know you."

Karai exhaled through her teeth and wiggled happily. She loved when they tried to lie. She reached over, grabbed his unmaimed hand tenderly, and slowly began to squeeze, driving the blades through the back of his palm like a slow motion bear trap. Arthur began to scream again, and Karai's heart fluttered warmly in her chest as the fragile bones shattered in her grip and hot blood oozed down to paint her sleeves.

Volkov started to sob in Russian, and Leonardo hit him again. Karai was reminded of someone smacking a defective Tv, and she did giggle. She thought that Leonardo enjoyed that one, too. "The Doku? Also known as Venom?"

"P-ple-ease," Volkov begged, flailing his feet ineffectively, tears streaming down his cheeks to mingle with the blood dripping from the cut on his temple. "P-please, pl-please-"

"Your guardian gave us your location." Leonardo piped up, with a tone of casual indifference. "He told us everything, before we killed him."

"Tell the truth," Karai sang. She flexed harder, until the very tips of her obsidian claws popped through his bolt like knuckles. "Tell. The. **Truth**."

" _The books_ ," Volkov howled. "I only add the books, that is all. _Just the books_."

"The cargo," Leonardo pressed, speaking loudly to be heard over the noise, shifting the razor edged blade towards the fat man's fleshy collarbone. "How are they getting it before us? Where's it going?"

"T-they h-h-have in-inform-mant in t-he F-Foot," Volkov gasped. "I n-no kn-ow who. клянусь- I s-swear. They h-have b-buyer in H-Hokkaido who uses S-Star s-shipping service. Am-American. I n-no know h-his name."

She and Leonardo exchanged a glance over his shoulder, and Karai's thighs trembled warmly at what she saw. His eyes were dark, nostrils and pupils dilated so heavily at the thick fog of blood and bitter adrenaline that it could have passed for arousal. His muscles were bunched under his skin and his breath was coming in growling exhales that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

" _Shirei-kan,_ " one of the Elite's interrupted quietly. "There is movement on the roof. Reinforcements."

"Ours?" Karai frowned, and he shook his head. She cursed. Doku. "How many?"

"Ten."

She sucked her teeth and blew a tendril of hair out of her eye. "You five," she ordered, gesturing to the rest. "Take care of them." They dipped their heads and fled the apartment like shadows from the light. Karai wrenched her fingers out of Volkov's hand, ignoring his howl and the resulting gush of blood from the shredded wounds, and stood. "How long do you think that will take? Ten minutes?" she asked easily.

Leonardo rose and stepped around the man in the chair, raising and lowering one shoulder. "We could help."

Karai stuck her pointer finger in the corner of her mouth, careful of the sharp blade, and hummed lightly, letting her eyes slide over to the low bed crammed into the corner. Her cunt pulsed pointedly with a stab of tingling heat. "Or we could stay here," she suggested, tilting her head and staring up at him through thick lashes. She couldn't bring herself to care about the slaughter being waged above them, or the little whimpering man bleeding out three feet from them. She wanted him then, and she wanted him violently.

Leonardo tensed immediately, and she felt him distance himself from her as though he'd done it physically. "No, Karai."

Her heart screamed, but she forced herself to smother her anger beneath her pleading expression. "No one would know," she argued, sliding forward even as he moved back.

" _He_ would know." Leonardo snapped.

"He wouldn't." Inexplicably, she felt the corners of her eyes burn with salty wetness. She blinked hard and crossed her arms over her midsection, sullen and spurned, bringing her foot down to slam against the floor. _"He wouldn't!"_

"You're acting like a child." Leonardo said, watching her with the expression of a parent watching their toddler throw a fit in the grocery store.

"You're _acting_ like you don't want the same thing I do." she countered vehemently. "Tell me you don't want me." she demanded.

"Karai-"

" _Tell me you don't want me!"_ she repeated, yelled, dared. Her gut clenched horribly in her midsection as she thought wildly that he would do it, look her in her face with empty brown eyes and tell her he didn't want her, and that they'd go back to hating each other.

She didn't think she could bear that again.

Leonardo's skin darkened, though whether it was out of shame or anger she couldn't tell. He glowered at her and opened his mouth to reply, but then they were surrounded just as silently and suddenly as they'd been left alone. "They are dead, _Shirei-kan,_ " the first elite informed her, as unruffled as before, apart from the thick coat of gore on his clothes. "But more are coming."

"Then we need to get out of here." Leonardo concluded, with a warning glare at Karai. He reached back and unsheathed a sword, drawing the length of gleaming metal over the ridge of his shell and angling it between them like a barrier. "Father said you had a second mission to complete tonight. What was it?"

 _Helping you find your backbone and riding you until we both scream._ "I don't know," she muttered, refusing to meet his gaze. Right then she didn't much give a shit about what her father wanted her to do.

"Recall it," Leonardo growled, and for a moment he looked like he might grab her and shake her like a rag doll. "He said something about a leak."

"We've taken care of the _leak,_ " she snarled, thoroughly pissed, jerking her pointed chin at the crying accountant. Karai ran a hand through her hair, now just past her shoulders, and tugged harshly on the black strands, hoping the prickles of pain would jumpstart her memory. "How many leaks can there-"

Her stomach suddenly felt like it was full of ice, and she stilled, falling silent. Volkov was a maggot, an associate of the enemy, but he wasn't the ** _leak._**

The editor. The call. The _LEAK_.

"Dammit." She squeezed her eyes shut and yanked on her hair once more before releasing it,feeling her scalp protest and letting her arms swing wildly by her sides. " _Dammit_!"

"What?" Leonardo looked at her like she'd gone insane, concern and confusion clear in his brown eyes.

"Nothing that concerns you _mutants,_ " Karai said poisonously, just to watch him bristle. "Just us soldiers." She waved a pale, dismissive hand in the direction of their captive. "Take Volkov home and acquaint him with the dungeons. See if you can get any names out of him. If not, give him a Blood Angel and deliver his head to the Doku."

"Where are you going?" Leonardo asked skeptically, squinting at her.

Karai grimaced. "To plug the leak." She turned away from him without further explanation, simmering with anger and chafing moistly between her legs when she moved. That was Leonardo for her, had always been. A constant source of anger and lust.

* * *

"No, no. John is supposed to do the story about the lead in the water first, not third. Kennedy screwed up the order again."

The sun was starting to slip beneath the city skyline by the time April made it home, debating with one of her staff writers about the order of the next day's broadcast. She stepped off the elevator and rounded the corner, digging in her purse for her keys while balancing her phone on her shoulder.

"Yes, I'm sure! Contaminated water takes precedent over a birthday party for some movie star's brat. Entertainment should be covering that, anyway."

She chuckled and unlocked her apartment, stepping into the dark space. "I'm just getting home, there's no way I'm going back to the office now. Tell you what. Call Nina if you don't believe me."

She put her bag down, and paused. Something didn't feel...right. A cold tingle trickled down the back of her neck and prickled the hairs there. The apartment was dark, and nothing was making a sound except for her own breathing, but even still...

_**"*April? You there?"*** _

Her green eyes scanned the gloom in front of her while the cold feeling spread. Once, twice... nothing.

"I...y-yeah, I'm-"

"Hello, O'Neil."

She saw the gleam of light on the steel and bared teeth a second before the words hit her ears, and her heart dropped into her intestines.

_No. No no no, I'm dreaming, I have to having a nightmare._

"Turn the light on, and hang up."

April stood frozen in the doorway, still clutching her phone and keys in her shaking hands. She knew that sugary, wretched voice. Knew it, hated it.

"Now, O'Neil."

She could scream, or try to run, or yell for Charlie to call the police. She could hit her speed dial and call the turtles- a simple scream would have them running. She knew she _could._

She also knew it would do absolutely no good.

"Y-yeah, Charlie, I'm here." April said, sounding much more calm than she felt. "Look, I'll call you in the morning, alright?"

_If I live that long._

Slowly, she ended the call and reached for the light switch, slapping it with the palm of her hand. Stretched out on her couch like she actually belonged there was Karai, seemingly perfectly at ease with her feet up and a giddy grin on her thin face. Her black outfit was spattered with what looked like blood, and there was a thick smear of it on her cheek, like blush.

"Hey, April." The light caught the weird clawed glove on her hand when she waved airily, beckoning the redhead forward. "Come in. I've been waiting for you."

"Well thanks so much for inviting me into my own apartment," April snapped, before she could censor herself. She didn't think she'd ever hated anyone as much as she hated the Foot princess.

Despite Karai's carefree attitude, April could see those frigid, vacant eyes tracking her every movement, including the moment when she glanced towards the fireplace and the katana hung up there. She may not have been a Hamato, but she knew her way around a sword.

Karai's smile grew larger, more vicious. "You really don't want to do that. I've had my fill of severing things from people today, and it would be a shame to mess up your manicure by taking off your fingers." She patted the cushion next to her. When April still didn't move, her lids narrowed and her feet swung off the couch. "Sit _down_ , April. _Now_."

April swallowed dryly and let her bag slip from her fingers, forcing her stiff legs to move her towards the couch. The fear was still there, coiled at the base of her spine and warring with the quickly growing fury bubbling hot in her chest. "How the fuck did you get in my house?" she deadpanned.

Karai threw her head back and laughed throatily. April thought about how good it would feel to wrap her fingers around that milky neck. "Still the master of stupid questions, I see." She clasped her hands to her breast and turned her voice high and nasally, mocking. "' _Where's my dad? What's going on? Who are you people? What have you done with the turtles?'"_ She chortled. "You haven't changed at all from the last time I saw you, have you? April O'Neil, still the same damsel in distress, toddling after your mutant friends and playing at being a ninja."

April's lips twisted in disgust. "What, like you? A bratty bitch with a knife fetish?"

Karai giggled gaily, but there were snakes that possessed more warmth in their smiles than she did. "Oh, relax. I'm just here to talk." She stretched out her legs, placing her feet in April's lap, like they were old college girlfriends sipping wine and gossiping about ex boyfriends. "We have a lot to talk about, you and I."

"Do we?" April spat.

Karai nodded. "Mm. We haven't caught up in so long. So tell me, how's life? The family? Your...career?" Her tone was conversational and light, but April's veins constricted in her limbs all the same.

_She can't know. She can't._

Karai continued, but the expression on her face sharpened like a wolf's that had scented blood. "Any new friends, hm? I know you reporters love your informants. Anything new?"

 _She knows. Jesus Christ, she knows._ That strange calm spread through her and she wondered if she was about to be killed, glad at the very least that Cody was sleeping over his friend's house and that Casey was out with coworkers.

Wrestling with her rising panic (and gorge), April forced herself to look Karai in her face. She had a thought that if the clan wanted her dead, she would be already, and not forced to parlay with Karai. She couldn't show her fear, whatever she did, whatever the outcome of this visit would be. She wanted halfway to cop to it, but she knew that would be insanity.

"I don't know what you're talking about." April replied coldly.

Karai's lips curled up at the corners. "Let's be honest, O'Neil. We know each other well enough for that." April barely stopped herself from flinching back and slapping the psychotic girls arm away as Karai reached for her phone with one hand and her hair with the other, playing with it like a child would. Revulsion made her chest tight. She felt like a mouse trapped beneath a cat's claws, tortured and toyed with, waiting for the sharp points to snap down and tear her apart.

"We know about your little friend, April." Karai said quietly, tapping away at her phone. April winced when she saw her messages being opened, and briefly rejoiced that she had deleted Jack's texts earlier that day. "We don't know who they are, exactly, but believe me when I say we will eventually find out, just like we found out about you. I'll tell you what. Give me the name now, and I'll give them a quick death, clean and merciful. This doesn't have to be complicated."

"You crazy bitch." April retorted, anger spiking like a solar flare and making her green irises flash. Her shoulders shook. "You don't scare me."

Karai puckered her mouth and _tsked_. "Yes, I do. But deny it if you want. It won't matter in the end."

Karai sighed and tossed the phone onto the coffee table, apparently bored with her fruitless search. "I do want to know, though, for curiosity's sake. Do you really think that a little story from a nobody reporter will stop one of the largest and most powerful organizations in the world?"

"Yes," April replied, her rage making her reckless. "People like you are strong as long as the public is ignorant, but you scatter like roaches when somebody shines a light on you. The world will know exactly what you've been doing, and your pets in the police won't save you."

Karai only chuckled. "So naïve. You have no idea how long our arm is, how deeply our reach extends. No clue. You see yourself as some protector, don't you? Some great watchful eye over the city. Poor O'Neil. You'll never be anything other than a supporting character in this little charade."

"Tell that to the concussions I gave you a few years ago," April retorted. "Must've been kind of embarrassing for you, letting the 'ninja wannabe' bloody your perfect little nose."

Karai didn't rise to the bait. Instead, she stroked April's face with a strand of her hair and glanced at the framed picture resting on the table- April, Casey, and Cody at the zoo. She reached for it, and April tensed. "You know, I've always envied your hair." she mused. "So bright and pretty. Like fire." Dark flames danced in her pupils. "Your little boy has it, I see. He looks _SO_ much like you..." she cooed.

A sour taste welled in the back of April's mouth. Her nails cut so deeply into her palms she felt the skin break beneath them. She felt angry, terrified tears gather behind her eyes, but they didn't fall. "If you touch him," he hissed, struggling to get the words out past the blockage in her esophagus. "If you even come near him, the turtles will-"

"Your precious turtles won't be an issue for much longer." Karai told her contemptuously. "They'll be handled soon enough. They won't help you. Trust me on that." Her grin returned, cutting and feral. "Besides, there are only so many things they can respond to. Pre-schools seem to be a favourite target for mentally ill people with guns these days, and the brake lines of trucks are often terribly defective. Who knows what random tragedies a day might bring?" She patted April's cheek with a cold hand and stood up, turning on her heel to look back when she reached the door.

"I'll make this simple. Drop the story, and your little informant, and the Foot clan will forget this incursion. No harm will come to your little family, or your nest of meddlesome freaks in the sewers. We have eyes on you, and if those eyes tell us that you're still going on about this, well..."

Karai let the picture frame slip from her fingers, and smiled at the crackle and skitter of broken glass on the floor by her feet.

"Who told you?" April asked, monotone, figuring it was pointless to deny it any longer.

Karai shrugged. "What does it matter? Someone you know, and someone who's loyal to us." She yawned and stretched, catlike. "I have reports to make and prisoners to torture, so I'll bid you goodnight. Think about what I've said. I left my number on the fridge. Call me, and maybe we'll chat again." She wiggled her fingers and flounced out the door.

April rose to lock it, then sat back down. There was no point. Fear, anger, bitterness, regret, hatred, sorrow, anxiety...all of swirled around and around inside of her into an enormous, sour, sickening tornado, until it finally dragged her into the kitchen and over the sink, crawling up her throat and splattering in the gleaming basin.

She sank to the floor as the tears began to stream, choking on furious, sobbing screams.

* * *

Volkov's howls were echoing through the halls all the way from the dungeons by the time Karai made it back to the tower, in a much better mood than when she'd left. There was nothing like intimidation to buoy one's spirits, especially when the person being intimidated was one silly, stupid red haired reporter.

That happy, floating feeling faded as soon as she remembered that she would be sleeping alone once again, without another body at her back to warm her own.

 _There might still be hope left._ She knew what lurked beneath Leonardo's cool, collected exterior. She'd seen it, felt it. If there was a chance he was still riled up from earlier...

Well. Even humans were susceptible to spur of the moment passion. Mutants were no exception.

"Where is my brother?" she asked, stopping a passing serving boy. "Where is Leonardo?"

"The Honored Son is making his report to Lord Shredder, Mistress." he said, and Karai's brows furrowed. It had been at least an hour since they'd left Volkov's hole. It didn't take that long to make a report.

On a hunch, Karai headed in the direction of the throne room, slipping into the murky shadows behind the worn old tapestries that was the best vantage point for eavesdropping. She peeked out, and saw a large shape that could only be Leonardo kneeling in front of the gilded chair, speaking lowly to the figure in front of him. His words were near inaudible, making it hard for her to hear.

"-taken care of."

"Indeed. Do what you must, my son."

Karai cursed when Leonardo did nothing else but nod and stand, dipping into a half bow before exiting the room. She slunk away and fled for the secrecy of her chambers, mind whirling.

As childish as it was to think it, as preposterous...would Leonardo have told the Shredder about her continued attempts to get him back in her bed? Or even worse...

A chilly sweat broke out on her forehead, and her knees trembled. _He wouldn't have. He wouldn't dare._

There was no way Leonardo would tell about...about her plan to oust their father. It wasn't even a full plan, wouldn't be one until he decided to join her. But even still, the smallest whisper...he had to know it would mean her death if-

Shivering, she stripped and crawled beneath her sheets, suddenly exhausted and drained once more. So preoccupied with her raging thoughts was she, she didn't register the tingling taking over her skin until it was an itch, then a stabbing, then a burn that made her gasp and fling the blankets away. Even as she did that, and the cold air touched her, the burn morphed into a fiery wash of pain that erupted like a rash from hell across her flesh.

She screamed at the weeping blisters being eaten away in her limbs as she watched, like gaping, hungry red mouths. Karai leapt from her bed and clawed at herself until blood and pus stained her nightgown and bits of skin flaked off, shiny and raw, under her nails. It felt like acid, like being devoured and scalded everywhere at once, fire ants and thorns in her veins. The pain was all consuming, unbelievably horrible, blinding.

_The sheets, the sheets, the sheets..._

Her attendants burst into the room to find her shrieking on the floor. When they picked her up, the agony increased tenfold. One of them began to frantically grab up her sheets, and quickly dropped them as her hands began to smoke and ooze.

All the way to the hospital wing, regardless of the way she yelled and begged for him, Leonardo was nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> "Сука": Bitch
> 
> "Бедный суки , они убьют тебя за это-": Stupid bitch, they'll make you pay for this
> 
> "скот": Beast
> 
> Shirei-kan: Commander (Mistress)


	37. Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raph is in a downward spiral, Leonardo takes care of business, and Karai suspects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED HERE DAYS AGO, I'M SO SORRY.  
> I cross posted this chapter on ff right before I left for vacation, but forgot to do it here. Again so so sorry, the WiFi in the DR is terrible.

_The dumb red ranger wasn't going down the way it was supposed to. The leg of the cheap action figure was hooked on something in the drain. It didn't go down, only swirled around and around no matter how hard he flushed or how many times he yelled at it, red like the color of Raphael's thoughts._

_Everything was red- the weird, bursting sparkles in his eyes, the air wrapped around his chest instead of inside it, making him feel like he was facedown in his blanket, the rushing, pounding sound in his head, the throbbing in his fingers from where he'd punched his brother._

_He didn't remember hitting Mikey. He didn't remember WHY he'd done it, and he didn't really know why he was flushing their power rangers down the toilet, but he couldn't stop._ _Mikey had run screaming to Dad a little while ago, crying like a little baby. Thinking about his shrill squeals and his bloody beak made Raph even madder._

_He'd been mad all day, cranky at everything and everyone, foul tempered and sour, like a pot left on the stove too long, boiling and bubbling and hissing and painfully **angry** , but this... this was a different type of angry._

_This angry made him feel sick to his tummy, made him shake and shiver even though he wasn't cold and with no way not to, made his head hurt and his skin burn and everything eighty times louder and brighter made him feel like he'd never be okay ever again. He didn't know what was happening, didn't feel good, didn't-_

_It was like a monster had swallowed him up, crept inside his ear slits like the alien slugs in the TV show Donnie liked to watch and was forcing him to do this, forcing him to be bad. Someone was yelling, and something was yelling INSIDE him._

**_"RAPHAEL!"_ **

_No, not Raphael, it wasn't him. The monster, the monster was doing this. The water in the toilet was stained pale red from the dye washing off the plastic toy, rising and spilling all over his hands just like the tears spilling out of his eyes. He was scared, he was sorry, he was-_

**_"HAMATO RAPHAEL!"_ **

_He was-_

* * *

He hadn't been sleeping right.

Or maybe he had. It was hard to track when he wasn't dreaming. Long periods of staring blankly at his ceiling or his arm got broken up by even longer stretches where all he remembered was fog and headaches, and then his ceiling would swim to the front and start the cycle all over again, with him feeling more empty and useless than before. Sometimes it happened in the shower, and when it all came back the spray would be cold and ten minutes would be gone down the drain.

So maybe he was. He didn't really care to investigate it, or try to fix it. It was hard for Raphael to care about much of anything when things got grey.

If fifty percent of his life was lived in red, then the other half was _this_ \- a dense, deadened gloom that crept up on him and grew into and out of his pores like toxic moss, clogging his veins with dull despair. Moving hurt. Thinking hurt. Eating made him feel sick. He still had to do all that crap, obviously, go through the motions to keep his family from bugging him, but as soon as they stopped looking, he'd come unglued, backslide slowly into a pathetic puddle...

Even breathing was a struggle, curled in a silent fetal position at the bottom of his hammock and wishing the world would forget him. There was a chill in his bones that he couldn't shake despite the sweltering heat under his blanket and the old clothes he was wrapped in. The beast was sullen, unresponsive, but Raph wished it was awake. The anger would have been better. Anything would have been better than the grey, and the horrible feelings and things it brought with it.

_It would have been better if you'd died._

Raph winced and hunched down tighter, burying his head in his arms to try to escape the viciously truthful voice bouncing around his brain. He didn't know where it came from, but he thought it might have been his brother, the dead brother he never knew, torturing him from the fucking grave.

_You'd deserve it. You're not supposed to be alive. I was perfect, I loved them like they deserved, I wasn't a sad little monster...if Splinter could go back and change it he would._

Raph shuddered and pried open his gummy eyes to gaze blearily at the dim light filtering down through the material of his threadbare cover, listening to the rasp of his own hard breath in the quiet. His family hadn't checked on him in a long time. Donnie hadn't been around to cram more pills down his throat.

He wondered what would happen if he just...stopped. Held his breath until breathing wasn't an issue.

Sounded like a calm way to go. It would be calmer than living, anyway.

_You'd probably fuck up your own suicide. You couldn't even die right. You'd deserve it though, you would._

Some humans believed in that reincarnation thing. You were supposed to turn into something better. Maybe, if...

_Yeah, right. You'd be turned into exactly what you are now- a piece of shit. Then you'd end up right back down here, and wouldn't that be funny?_

The corners of his eyes burned, and he ground his teeth into his tongue. The taste of blood only made it worse. _''L'mme alone...I ain't...'_

_Oh, just do it already. Stop agonising over it. Spare them the rest of your miserable life. Not like they would care, anyway._

Mikey would care. Donnie...

_Donnie, Donnie, Donnie. Sweet, forgiving Donnie. Donnie could put your organs to good use, if you haven't totally ruined them with alcohol. That's the most help you'll ever be able to give him, as a pile of meat. Gods know you suck as a big brother._

Raph turned over and pressed the side of his face into his shoulder to block it out. As his weight shifted, a hard object under his knee made itself known by digging into his skin. He shuffled around until it was visible and realized he'd never put the burner phone back in its hiding place.

It had been getting a lot more use, before, before... _this_. Somehow he and Leonardo had graduated from one word, two word texts to actual conversations on the increasingly frequent days they didn't see each other. The first few times had been awkward and strange and the first was accidental- pressing the 'call' button instead of 'send text'- but the exchanges after that were less and less weird. They weren't pouring their hearts out or anything mushy, and it was pretty much the same as their real life dialogue, jeers and jokes and petty comebacks.

But he had noticed that Leonardo laughed more over the phone. And every once in a while, after a long silence, their words would get softer, and the mood would change into one that was almost... gentle.

His shaking fingers closed around the phone as a half formed idea struggled to the front of his soupy, sunken mind.

_Don't. He doesn't want to talk to you._

He shouldn't. He knew he shouldn't. But-

It was something to do, wasn't it? It was something to do.

_You're about to really embarrass yourself, dumbass. Why would he want to talk to you?_

Ignoring that awful voice for all he was worth, Raph impaled his lower lip harshly on his teeth and flipped the phone open, flinching when the bright flood of light made his eyeballs ache. There was only one contact in the phone, but it still took him forever to find it and force his thumb down on the call option.

_Cancel it. Cancel it!_

It rang once. Twice. Three times. Four. Five...

_Told-_

**_"*Raphael?*"_ **

Raph's breath caught painfully in his chest, and the phone nearly slipped from his fingers in his brief shock. _'He picked up.'_ Those three words lit a match in his head and burned away a little of the clinging fog, bright and nearly painful. A warm shiver danced through his joints, and he licked his mouth.

"H-hey, um..." His throat was hoarse and dry from disuse. He hadn't been talking a lot, and he hoped Leonardo didn't notice.

 _ **"*This is... really random. Did you...?*"**_ Leonardo sounded stressed and strained, confused. There was static on the other end, and he was speaking in a low tone of voice.

"Ah just..."

_Wanted to hear something other than that fucking voice..._

_Feel a little better now and I have no damn clue why..._

_Only sleep good after I see you..._

_Wish to God you weren't with the goddamn Foot clan..._

"I dunno. Can ya-"

**_"*I can't get out tonight. Maybe not for a while.*"_ **

He didn't think anything was as far from his mind as sex was right then. The blunt answer went down like lemon juice, bitter and dissapointing all the same. Raph swallowed hard.

"Kay. I-...Kay. Whateva."

Leonardo paused, and Raph could damnear see him staring at the phone. _**"*Raphael, are you...*"**_ There was a small scuffle, and a slow creak of oiled door hinges, followed by the soft scrape of a lock sliding closed. When he spoke again, there was something different in the words. **_"*Is something-*"_**

_'Nothing. Everything. You shouldn't care. I don't want you to care. Shut up, shut up, shut up.'_

Fear. Small, stunted, floundering in the grey waste that was his emotions, but there it was, needle like and awful. He was suddenly very, very afraid of what Leonardo was about to ask.

_**"*Raphael-?*"** _

His nerve failed him when that tiny pinprick of fear turned into a hard knot of thorns in his belly. Snarling, Raph slammed the phone shut with enough force to tear the stupid thing in half and pushed it out of the side of his hammock, listening to it hit the floor and hoping it broke.

_'Stupid, stupid, stupid ass. Calling him, of all people, like he gives a damn, like I give a flying damn if he gives a damn-'_

_You like him, don't you?_

The spector was back, and its realization was like an injection of antifreeze in his veins. Raph shivered and rubbed frantically at his prickling flesh. "No."

 _You **do.** You really like him. _ Somehow, those simple, quiet words were the most excruciating yet.

 _"_ I don't _!_ "

 _You do, you do,_ it cackled, _yes you do. Oh wow. How pathetic. How **retarded.** As if! As if he'd ever like anything about you besides what's under your tail!?_

It was loud, deafening and impossible to ignore. More grey swept in to fill the little patch temporarily cleared by the short phone call, and the horrible truth echoed in his mind and dragged grating claws through his thoughts.

 _He doesn't even like you enough to truly fuck you_. _He's probably going to kill you soon, anyway_. _Your family only deals with you because they have to, because it would make them bad people if they threw you out where you belonged. Do you honestly think that someone would deal with you because they **wanted** to?_

The answer was a single, bone dry sob that tore its way out of his chest. 'No.'

It didn't say anything else, apparently satisfied, finally shutting up and letting him boil in his own misery. He curled up tighter against the heavy pain, squeezing his knuckles into his temples until lights flashed behind his eyes.

 _'I'm alright. I'm alright.'_ It would be over soon. It would all go away, fade like a bad dream, like it always had before.

He just had to wait it out.

* * *

"I w-want my m-mommy..."

"Hush."

Caleb hiccupped, but the tall man walking behind him didn't follow up the blank command with a smack like the big, smelly one had whenever Caleb cried. He didn't sound angry, just tired, or maybe that was the black mask covering his face. The man was wearing all black, like a superhero, or a super villain.

Mommy said always find something to be grateful for. Caleb guessed he should have been grateful that this man had let him keep Beary, even though his favourite stuffed animal was dirty from being dragged.

They'd been walking for ages, and Caleb's feet hurt. He was scared. The car that picked him up from daycare hadn't been his mother's, and the man that pulled him inside wasn't his daddy, but the juice they'd forced him swallow made his head swimmy and numb, so he couldn't call out for his teacher.

They drove for a little while after that, or maybe a long while, he wasn't sure. They'd ended up in the place where he'd met the second man, the one who smelled and walked funny and had a mouth full of golden teeth. That place was hot and stuffy, and there were other kids there, but the smelly man got angry when Caleb tried to talk to them. He thought it might have been a doctor's office because they'd asked him his name, checked his teeth and made him take his clothes off to look at him all over with sharp shiny things.

He'd cried then for the first time, but then the man started hitting him and he stopped. His arms still throbbed with ugly green bruises. They tied his hands up and he thought he'd be left there forever, until the man in black came and took him away.

(He thought the smelly man might have been ascared of the man in black though. As soon as he walked in, he started shaking like Grammy's old fat cat when she got caught in the rain.) They talked- well, the man in black mostly talked, the stinky man shook and cried- and then man in black had taken Caleb into a room, closed the door, and sat him on the floor. "Stay here," he'd said, "and don't come out."

The door closed, and the screams started. Caleb covered his ears. When they'd left, the other kids were gone, and the walls were red and shiny when before they'd been grey.

Caleb blinked as the man grabbed his collar, pulling him to a stop. The air was cold and misty, making his clothes damp and clingy. His lips tasted like potato chips when he licked them. They were at the place where the boats were. Caleb clutched Beary tight to his chest and quailed under the gaze of the other grownups watching him quietly, holding big guns. The man in black said something that Caleb didn't understand, and they nodded.

"Can we go home after this?" he whispered, glancing fearfully up at the man in black. "I don't like it here."

The man didn't say a word, only nudged him on the shoulder so he'd start walking again. He stumbled over the crumbly ground until they reached a row of giant metal boxes. Cable's legs started to shake- he wondered if he should try to run. The man in black held the back of Caleb's shirt, almost like he was reading his thoughts.

Two more men grabbed the handles of the biggest box and swung it open with a piercing shriek that covered Caleb's gasp and whimper. The low overhead lights reflected of the wet, morose stares of the children huddled on soiled blankets inside.

"Hurry up," one man barked, glaring and fingering the trigger of his weapon. "Get him loaded. He's the last one tonight. The Clan is shipping them out at midnight. They'll reach Hokkaido by this time tomorrow."

The man in black shifted. "The Foot?"

The second man snorted. "Doku. The Foot are old hat. Things are changing around this city."

A thick silence descended on the conversation. The man in black grunted and pushed Caleb further into the box, and that was when the dam broke, rivers of tears splashing down his chubby cheeks. "I wanna go home," Caleb cried, trembling as he tried to step back and met a hard wall of muscle. "I want my mommy. I want to go _home!"_

 _"_ Shut him up!"

The man in black forced him the rest of the way inside. He tripped and dropped his bear, dissolving into wretched sobs. He recoiled when the man kneeled down, but all he did was run a warm hand through Caleb's straw colored hair one time, quieting his wails. His eyes were visible past his mask, dark and deep and brown, like his daddy.

"I'm sorry _."_ he whispered, taking his hand away. "Cover your ears."

Caleb watched him through a screen of tears as he stood and pulled something long and shiny over his shoulder, closing the door and leaving them all in darkness. The little boy sniffled and buried his nose in his stuffed animal, not looking up or moving even as the screams started again, and the other kids scrambled back, yelling, and a puddle of slow, warm red crept under the door to soak warmly into his pant leg.

* * *

Karai was in the infirmary for exactly six hours before Bishop slunk to her bedside and informed her, agitated and unhappy, that the Honored Son was requesting to see her.

"I can send him away, if you're not up for conversation." he offered, the hope that she would say yes clear and obvious in his beady black eyes. Even dizzy from morphine, Karai still managed to fix him with a glare and a small sneer. He wasn't asking out of any concern for her, she knew, but a strong, hateful disdain of her brother.

"Let him in," she rasped. "If you don't, he'll kill you and come in anyway."

Bishop bristled and bared his teeth at her, puffing up like an indignant blowfish. "He wouldn't dare."

Karai didn't answer, too tired and too much in pain to engage in verbal gymnastics with anyone, let alone the slimy scientist. He scoffed, but tapped the switch on the wall all the same, triggering the steel doors at the other side of the room to open.

Karai let her eyelids slide closed as she listened to the deceptively light footsteps make their way closer to her bed. Feeling eyes on her, she smoothed out her features to mask some of the hurt from his gaze, habitually unwilling to appear overly weak.

"Keep it short, got it?" she heard Bishop sniff coldly. "She needs rest more than anything." There was the small wet sound of his lips pulling wide over his teeth in what approximated a smile on him. "And I probably shouldn't need to say this, but let's keep all... strenuous activities to a minimum as well."

She could practically smell Leonardo's irritation before his snarl rumbled in her ears. No one got under his skin like the doctor, and she knew exactly why. "Get out, _John."_ she hissed, opening her eyes to slits. "Leave us."

With one last disparaging glare at the mutant, Bishop pivoted and stalked out of the infirmary, and then they were alone, barring the impassive stare of the security cameras. The air was awkward, crackling with the wrong kind of energy. Leonardo stood there for a few tense moments before settling his large frame into a chair. He looked like he'd just come from a debriefing- skin and mask damp from a hasty shower, unbound and untreated cuts littering his hands and arms.

"What happened?" he asked finally, hushed.

"They didn't tell you?" Karai croaked, shifting a little on the cool sheets. Leonardo fidgeted uneasily and glanced around. He'd never been comfortable with hospitals. "They only said that you were injured."

"Really." Karai snorted, watching him take in her bandaged limbs with a pained expression. His shoulders tightened at her accusatory tone. "I was on a mission, Karai. The dock operation had to be shut down."

Was he explaining, she wondered, or establishing an alibi? She wasn't deaf to the gossip of the nurses that attended her when they thought she was asleep. Most of the clan knew about their animosity, before and after the Shredder thrashed them.

' _Do what you must, my son.'_ Had that meant...

No. She'd protected him, fed him, practically RAISED him.

"It was acid." she said, turning her head on the pillow. "Mixed into the vials of scented oil they use on our sheets."

"A servant, then?" Leonardo growled.

"No. Pili freshens my sheets, morning and night. I wasn't burned after the meeting. And she wouldn't have touched them afterwards if she knew they were toxic." Karai told him. "Besides, they flayed her knees, to make sure she was telling the truth. She knows nothing." She was sure of that, if nothing else. She'd watched the brief torture session on camera, and heard the girls screams for herself.

"They needed time to set it up. Someone knew you wouldn't be returning immediately after leaving Volkov's." Leonardo deduced, brow furrowing into a deep fissure. "Where did you go?"

_Who saw me suddenly remember and leave, dear brother?_

Leonardo could not, would not know about O'Neil. The things she might know...it could get them both killed. "Nowhere _,"_ she said simply. "A check up, nothing more."

His eyes narrowed. He didn't believe her. "Right."

"Since we're asking questions," she said slowly. She inhaled and licked her lips with a dry tongue, moistening them. "A servant told me that you made a report to father shortly after we returned. What was it about?"

Now it was his turn to bristle in alarm, before schooling his face into one of neutrality. "Volkov."

The lie was a knife in her heart, much like she suspected her own felt like. Little by little, the Shredder was methodically destroying any attempted progress they'd made with each other through secrets and betrayals. _And here I am, thinking I can love him again._

"Of course." Karai mumbled. "It was a wonder you weren't targeted as well."

"I guess it was." Leonardo agreed, nodding, not meeting her gaze. He moved to gently grasp her gauze covered fingers in his own, green against white, the heat from his body rippling through her tender, seared flesh and making her shiver.

"Concentrate on getting better, _Ane."_ he said, stroking her knuckles with one thick, callused thumb. "We'll figure out who did this together."

Her throat had a blockage as big as an apple. "I'm sure we will."

Leonardo stood and kissed her softly on the forehead, like a blessing, or a farewell.

" _Did you tell him?"_ she whispered, before he could pull away, when his ear slit was a breath away from her mouth.

Leonardo went still above her, hardly breathing. She could smell the sweat still lingering in the nooks of his body. " _Never."_

She wished she could believe that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Everyone needs a hug.)


	38. Dialtone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things are said, and not said, and referenced, and inferred. (And the author was bored on a plane ride.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: What's this, two chapters in one week? I'm almost home, had some time to kill on the plane, so I thought I'd experiment a little bit. This chapter is completely made of plotty little voice mails and texts. It got a little darker than I first intended.)

**_Bzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz._ **

**Click**.

" _Hey, this is Raph. I don't feel like yakking. Leave a message."_

_**Bzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz.** _

**Click**.

_"Hey, this is Raph. I don't feel like yakking. Leave a message."_

**Beeeep**.

_"*Raph, man, it's Casey. I , uh, I aint heard from ya in a while. Cody's asking, and, uh... Shit, just pick up, alright? Come on. I'm sorry about the thing with Donnie, okay? Ya know how he can be. I'm yer friend first, believe that. Alright. Well... Bye.*"_

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE. FROM: Donatello.**

**{Hey April. Thnxs, but I don't think that new medicine you suggested is working.**

**Also, check the appstore. I'm sure there are tons of ways to lock messages on a phone without totally reprogramming it.}**

* * *

_**Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz.** _

**Click**.

_"Hey, this is Raph. I don't feel like yakking. Leave a message."_

**Beeeeep**.

_"*Raph, man, I need ta talk to ya. I went through April's phone... I think she's stepping out on me. I keep seeing her talking to somebody named Jack, but she acted all funny when I asked her. I think this might be revenge for that... thing I told you about. I dunno. Bye.*"_

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE. FROM: APRIL.**

**{Is it the side effects? Mixing it in food could help.**

**Thnx. I'm buying a new security system for the house. You think you could install it sometime?}**

* * *

_**Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz.** _

**Click**.

 _"Hey, this is Raph. I don't feel like yakking. Leave a message_."

 **Beeeeeep**.

_"*Raph? Raph, dude, pick up. For real. Fuck it, I'm worried. Fuck Donnie, this ain't him, it's me. Look, I've been skating over this for a few years, but...I know, man. I know about the depression. I looked it up online, and... I think you've got it. I ain't saying yer crazy, but... Fuck, Raph. I don't want ya hurting yourself. Listen to me, man. Please. Pick up.*"_

* * *

**{April I'm-}**

DELETED.

**{I need help. I think Raph is-}**

DELETED.

**{I don't know what to do. Im trying but-}**

DELETED.

**{I need help, I can't make this better, I love him but he won't let me-}**

DELETED.

**{I feel like I'm going crazy-}**

DELETED.

**{No, not that. Never mind. I'll figure it out. Thanks for the suggestion.**

**{Sure, what time?}**

SENT.

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE. FROM: DONATELLO**.

* * *

**Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz.**

**:I'm sorry, the number you're trying to reach is not available at the moment. Please leave a message at voice mail box: INVALID.:**

**Beeeeeeep**.

_"*Raph, please pick up. Please, man. I don't know if yer thinking about doing something... About doing anything..._

_Don't, man. Just don't. I know we don't really talk about shit but..._

_Cody loves you, Raph, and April and your bros and Splinter. And... And me too. It would kill us if..._

_Just pick up the phone, man. Please.*"_

* * *

**BRIIIIING. BRIIIIIING. BRIIIIING.**

_**"*** _ **_You have reached the suicide hotline. Please, listen carefully. Your time, your words, and your life are very valuable, not just to us, but to everyone around you. Take all the time you need to explain your situation, and we will do our best to convince you that your life is worth living._ **

**_May I ask your name? If you don't want to give it, that's fine. This call will remain totally anonymous in either case.*"_ **

_"Um... I don't wanna..."_

**_"*It's alright. Were you considering ending your life?*"_ **

_"...I don't know. Mah brothers... I keep hurtin' em. S-somethin's w-wrong with me an'...I can't get away from that fuckin' baby..."_

_" ***Baby, sir?*"**_

_"Mah brother. H-he died, when we were kids... Sp-... My dad hates me cause I ain't him."_

**_"*No, he doesn't. He's your father and he loves you, just like your brothers do. Your friends-*"_ **

_"He thinks I'm a fuckin' freak."_

**_"*... Are you referring to being homosexual, sir?*"_ **

_"...He told me-"_

**_"*There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you feel and who you love. Your friend is wrong if he disagrees. Hateful words and prejudice are nothing to die for. May I ask how old you are?*"_ **

_"...S-Seventeen."_

**_"*You are yong. You have your entire life ahead of you. Your friends and family would be devastated if anything happened to you, every single one of them. Please reconsider. Your father has already lost one son. And I'm sure your brothers look up to and adore you.*"_ **

_"I..."_

**_"*Sir?*"_ **

**Click.**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

_**{R u there?}** _

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

_**{R u awake?}** _

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

_**{Something was off when u called.}** _

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

_**{Answer me, Hamato.}** _

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

_**{Why did you call me?}** _

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

_**{I'm going to the motel.}** _

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

**_Hello_?}**

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

_**{Where the hell are you?}** _

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

**_{I'm leaving_.}**

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

**_{Raphael_.}**

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

_**{You'd better be dead.}** _

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

**_{Raphael_?}**

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: L.**

**{...}**

* * *

**Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz.**

**:I'm sorry, the number you're trying to reach is not available at the moment. Please leave a message at voice mail box: INVALID.:**

**Beeeeeeep.**

**MISSED CALL FROM: L**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: Mikey.**

**{Hey April. Can i ask u something?}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: April.**

**{Sure Mike, anything.}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: Mikey.**

**{Don't tell Casey or my Bros, okay? Or Splinter. Promise.}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: April.**

**{Okay...I promise. Is it something bad? If they need to know...}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: Mikey**

**{No, it's not like that. i just need yur advice on something.}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: April**

**{Alright.}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: Mikey.**

**{I think... Okay first off I'm pretty sure I'm a little gay.}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: April.**

**{Um. Wow. Um. Okay? Um.**

**Mikey, I don't think you can be a LITTLE gay. Why do you say that?**

**And I don't care, by the way. I still love you.}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: Mikey.**

**{I know that, April <3**

**But yeah, I am. Trust me. But that's not the problem. And I think Raph &Don already know that. I think I like somebody.}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: April.**

**{Oh...oh. Okay. A guy somebody?**

**A HUMAN somebody?}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: Mikey.**

**{Can't say. But yeah, it's a dude.}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: April.**

**{Um... It's... It's not Casey, is it?}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: Mikey.**

**{Um, ew? Like, no. No way. No offence, I'm sure he's awesome or whatever, but. Yeah, ew.}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: April.**

**{Just checking XD sorry. Why is there a problem though?}**

* * *

**{He's kind of-}**

DELETED **.**

**{We might be-}**

DELETED **.**

**{Dad would flip his-}**

DELETED **.**

**{I'm not supposed to like him because-}**

DELETED **.**

**{It's complicated. And I think he likes someone else.}**

SENT.

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: Mikey.**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: April**

**{Honey, just tell him how you feel if you're not sure. That could be just your own fear. You won't know until you know.}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: Mikey.**

**{That might be a little hard. But thanks though.}**

* * *

**DING.**

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: April.**

**{You're welcome.}**

* * *

**Incoming Transmission; Oruku, Leonardo.**

**:The cargo is in route to Kyoto. Doku/Hokkaido operation is all but shut down. Traitors have been eliminated.:**

* * *

**Incoming Transmission; Oruku, Saki.**

**:Adequate. Status on the vermin problem?:**

* * *

**Incoming Transmission; Oruku, Leonardo.**

**:Unknown. No sightings for app.14 days. Second objective incomplete.:**

* * *

**Incoming Transmission; Oruku, Saki.**

**:Finish it. Soon.:**

* * *

**Incoming Transmission; Oruku, Leonardo.**

**:Understood.:**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N:
> 
> So, yeah. Little darker than I first imagined. But seriously, if you're thinking about possibly hurting yourself or ending your life, don't. Just don't. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Nothing is that serious, absolutely nothing. You will leave people behind that will hurt for you forever. Someone loves you, someone cares.
> 
> One of my friends in another state told me she was thinking about suicide, and then I didn't hear from her for days. I was absolutely terrified and freaked out for weeks until she got back to me. Please, please rethink it. It'll all be okay eventually.)


	39. Up High (Down Low)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raph is high on his own sickness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: There's no real excuse for this lateness, except that I'm going to college in a few months and have been doing everything that leads up to that, including fighting with my mother. I'm very, very sorry guys.
> 
> Angst, but with a nice ish ending.)

Raphael woke up, and everything was fine.

As his eyes peeled themselves open at god-knew-when time in the morning on God-knew-what day, the first thing he noticed was how BRIGHT everything was, despite the gloomy shadows clinging to the corners of his room. All the colors flooded back in, making him blink and wonder where they'd gone in the first place.

He twisted around in his hammock and started to right himself, and stopped almost immediately, muscles tensed in apprehension, waiting for the voice to return. Nothing spoke- no razored words crawled out of his brain to reduce him to a whimpering stump- nothing.

He felt like he'd woken up from a long nightmare or a bout of the flu, cramped and achy but aware and coherent. The headache was gone, leaving his brain light and floaty, similar to the sensation he got from downing beers but minus the heavy weight of alcohol on his thoughts.

The grey was nowhere to be seen. It was dark, and quiet, and everything was...

Normal. Just like it always was.

Raph sat up and smirked, stretching out his limbs and cracking his wrists with a yawn to get his blood flowing. _'Fuck Donnie and his pills.'_ He'd told his brother he didn't need any damn medicine. All he needed was to be alone for a while and a little bit a sleep, and he was right as freaking rain.

He felt fine. He felt good. He felt _great,_ actually, rested and faintly energized. He didn't remember a lot from his downtime, mostly just sleep and sadness and, for some reason, the insistent ringing of a phone, but he shoved the soupy memories away with a twitch of his shoulders and a snort. None of that mattered. It was over, he'd dealt with it, and that was it.

He raised his arm and bent it behind his head, grabbing the lip of his shell and flexing until his elbow flexed. He could feel himself growing more impatient by the second. Energy was buzzing under his skin and making it impossible for him to sit still.

His room smelled- shit, _he_ smelled. He needed to shower, brush his teeth, eat...

And probably clean his room, just to keep Splinter off his ass. Kitchen too, because fuck if Mikey didn't know what a dishrag was. And he hadn't worked out in a while, and...and he could probably work on his bike, finally get that done. It wasn't his turn to go shopping anymore, but make Splinter would let him go out, just... just to show them that he was really okay. Maybe Mikey hadn't finished that new Borderlands download. Maybe...

Scratching at the hot tingle that had crept under his skin when he hadn't noticed, Raph pushed out of his hammock and nearly fell on his face as a dull pain shot up his leg and buckled his knee, making him stumble. A small black object slid into the light, and with a feeling like he'd been punched in the gut, he realized why his fog dreams were full of his ringtone.

Raph leaned down and picked it up, guts swirling as he flipped it open. The phone had 2% battery left, but even pretty much dead, the LED was like direct sunlight beaming into his eyes. It died in his hand, but before the screen blinked out he saw the notifications flashing on the dull screen- five missed calls, and twenty missed texts, all from one number.

_'What the fuck...?'_

Leonardo had called him? Texted him? Once, maybe, or twice, but over and over?

Raph shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his beak with the palm of his hand, mind spinning to the point of pain. He didn't want to think about Leonardo today, or the Foot, or why the thought of the other turtle trying to talk to him made his heart convulse and beat a little faster in his chest, filling his face with a blotchy brown blush, embarrassed and also kind of pleased.

He tossed his phone onto his dresser with a confused growl and resolved to let it be silent all day, kicking open his room door with a bang and plodding downstairs.

* * *

Donatello found him on the couch with a bowl of cereal in his lap and the remote in his hand, squirming uncomfortably and button mashing like his life depended on it.

"Um...hey," the genius blurted, blinking hard and screeching to a stop, fumbling for the coffee mug that nearly slipped out of his hands. "You're...up?"

Raph felt a strange urge to snicker. Donnie was supposed to be smart, wasn't he? "No shit, braniac. Mike sleep walks, not me."

"B-but you...um, are you... okay?" Donnie stuttered finally, squinting at him while edging slowly into the kitchen.

Raph's good humour faded into irritation in the time it took for him to ask the question. "Again, no shit." he snapped. He shifted again and again- his whole body was hypersensitive for some reason, and not in the good way. The blankets under his body felt like sandpaper, and the tv sounded like a marching band between his ears.

Donnie frowned, but didn't reply. He poured his own cereal, and Raph flinched at every ringing clatter of the cheerios hitting the bowl, before he padded into the living room and cautiously joined his brother on the couch, just far apart enough that they didn't touch. Raph winced away away from the heat rolling of his skin in waves, feeling jittery and unsettled.

"...You cleaned the kitchen?"

"Mmhm."

"...Uh, News report at nine. Stop right there. Stop- Raph?"

Raph blinked and glanced down at his thumb, still smashing the channel up button with no input from his mind. He couldn't remember what he'd been trying to find. "Sorry."

"Can we turn it up?"

"Why?" Raph barked, looking at him quizzically. "It's blasting."

One of Donnie's eye ridges hiked. "It's on two."

Raph snorted and dropped the remote onto his knee, grabbing his bowl and standing. He couldn't sit down any more. He didn't want to. He felt like everything around him was moving in slow motion. "Fine. Do it yerself."

"Raph? Are you sure you're alright?" Donnie called, standing up from the couch. Raphael didn't answer, instead slipping into the dojo to avoid the follow up question about those damned meds, hoping his punching bag would help him feel less like a shook up can of pop.

* * *

It didn't, and the rest of the day was passed in a strange slow-fast haze. At first it had felt good, really good. He was productive, and active, and useful. He'd got everything done on the to do list he'd made earlier and then some, relishing the ability to be able to think and act again.

It was so much better than the grey. Anything was better than the grey, so Raph didn't bitch about the minor hallucinations (little things in the corner of his eye, and the occasional noise he knew wasn't real). He ignored the loud buzzing and rambling and the never-ending noise inside his head, thoughts slipping through his fingers even as new ones appeared, and the frantic, panicked feeling that struck him periodically that there wasn't enough room in his head.

Eventually that light, floaty feeling turned into a sugar high gone rouge. He was used to being a little jumpy after feeling like shit for so long, but not like this. It kept building and building until his legs were moving on their own, walking him around the lair like he was the energizer bunny.

After eight sets of a hundred push ups and he still felt the same- horrible pressure in his head, electrical current running under his skin that he wanted to scratch out, exhaustion smothered and burning in his muscles- Raph thought that it was being cooped up in the house that was making him feel so weird. It had to be. Everything was too loud, too bright, too... Everything.

His punishment had ended sometime when he was still floundering in the gray. So when Casey called Splinter asking around for him, and the answer was yes, Raph was out of the door so fast he probably left a trail of smoke behind him.

He didn't stick around to hear why Casey wanted to see him, but it didn't matter.

His exhaustion took on an air of near-euphoria by the time he left the tunnels and hit the rooftops. Parts of his body - crackling joints, sore back, crust at the corners of his eyes - said that it was time to sleep, but Raph's brain was wide awake in a way that told him no sleep was on the agenda. He'd been asleep for too long, anyway.

It had never felt this good before, traipsing above the whole city in the warm heat. He never realized how close it was to flying, to being over everything and everyone. The cacophony of sounds that had assaulted him that morning had dissipated. The city was his turf now, familiar, shadowed. His anger, ever present, bubbled to the surface as he searched for a criminal that could provide him release...

Wait, no. That wasn't what.. Casey. He was going to Casey's, wasn't he? He wasn't looking for trouble.

Did it matter? He'd find it regardless.

Just one then, right? Just one. At the very least, the hungry, angry part of his heart would be satisfied by inspiring fear into the heart of someone who deserved it. After all, why waste such a good mood? He felt awesome, amazing...like a different person. Possesed. Fucking INVINCIBLE.

As if to justify his rambling thoughts, a woman's scream echoed a block away, and his beast jumped to the forefront of his brain, blisteringly ravenous and familiar. He pulled the sais he didn't remember taking with him and leapt into action, somersaulting over three buildings and only heightening his adrenaline rush. He arrived on scene just in time for two assholes to pull a knife on the poor woman with a sobbing child clasped to her side.

A red film wrapped around his vision. The alley was less than secluded, but Raph couldn't have given less than a shit. He rolled off of the building and landed square on the shoulders of the smaller criminal, letting his whole weight drop the fucker to the ground.

A swift kick to the hand was enough to disarm the man. Another kick broke that hand; he cried out pathetically in pain, and Raph laughed, slamming the butt of his weapon into his face for good measure. He turned to face the other assailant, fast as lightning, heart pounding high in his skull, exhilarated. The rest of the world had turned to sludge at some point, and he was moving so, so fast, so fast the streetlights blurred around him. The world was neon. Raph had to resist howling in laughter as he darted around his opponent; this was all so _easy_ -

Pain ricocheted through his side, sharp and fresh. The smell of his own blood hit his nostrils, setting his beast to roaring. Somehow, these cronies had found a gap in his defence and stabbed him, and by lucky coincidence the blade had found the softer cartilage between his plastron and carapace.

The anger he felt in response to the stabbing was almost painfully powerful. He deftly knocked the man who knifed him to the ground using only one leg and proceeded to kick him in the teeth this time, dark droplets of blood and pearly pieces glimmering as they flew through the air. Then he turned his efforts on the other asshole.

_No more games. Time to end this._

Raph dodged his wild swing and brought his elbow up to smash into the man's throat, sinking his knee into his solar plexus with a delicious gurgling sound. He hit him in the back of the head when he went down and stomped on his forearm. The ulna snapped satisfyingly, and the crunch of broken bones was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard.

Another knife lodged itself in his ankle, but Raphael didn't feel a thing. He fell on the man viciously, pounding him with all the strength in his arms and bones and spirit, not caring if he hit him with the blades or the hilt or his own bruised knuckles, splitting open from the force of his punches. He was like a little kid playing with bubble wrap, punching and punching until the popping stopped, the cracking ceased, until there was nothing left to crack-

The person below him got weaker, weaker and weaker and weaker...

He heard the woman screaming in the back of his mind, but he didn't stop, couldn't stop, wouldn't stop. He felt HIGH, high on the pain, the screams, the blood flying into his mouth, in his eyes, flesh and bone giving way under his hands, the struggles, the yells that faded away into strangled _hurks_ and then finally into nothing. Iron was what the world was made out of, how it smelled and tasted, all his energy built up from the day pouring into the meatsack below his body in a rush that felt better than drinking, better than sex, better than-

_"Oh my Gods."_

The exclamation reached his brain in a twisted scramble of sound and grating syllables. They didn't register, just like the thud of impact behind him didn't, nor the three calls of his name, at least until they were joined by a burning hot hand gripping the back of his neck.

He reacted without thinking, lashing out behind him, not aiming, just trying to hit. His hand glanced off of something warm and firm, and there was a loud grunt in the dark. The pressure on his neck came back and squeezed _hard-_

"- _idiot!"_

The high started to dim a little, and bits and pieces of the sounds made their way through to form words. Everything was still way too bright and loud, but it wasn't fun anymore. The lights were mostly red and blue, and there was a God awful screeching in his mind that dipped and rose but never ever stopped. Raph tripped and gouged his knees in the glass and sharp gravel as he was shoved, the tearing pain clearing his head for a split second.

"Run! _Now_!"

Above the stench of blood and agony, his nose fixated on one smell that he recognized, even drenched in anger and fear as it was.

So he did as he was told, and ran.

* * *

_Home. I gotta get-_

Neon and hot and cold and hurting and _blissful,_ whirling around and around like a carnival ride...

 _Too bright. Too fuckin' bright._ Raph giggled and sagged, digging his fingers into the crease of his eye sockets, determined to dig them out, but-

"Keep moving!"

He was pushed again, tripped, fell hard. Blood burst in his mouth, coppery and sweet. His fall was broken by frigid metal-

_Fire escape._

"Get up, get in there, shit, I can't believe-"

More hands pushed and shoved him. Raph flailed, striking out at anything he could reach, but he still wound up on his back, writhing on his shell like the proverbial overturned turtle cliché. This wasn't home. That smell was here, and so was his own, but this wasn't-

He punched at a wall (he thought it was a wall) with full force. Pain ricocheted up his arm, cleansing and steadying. He punched it again and then a third time and over and over and over. Blood was seeping from his knuckles down to his wrists. His throat was sore from his breath coming in stops and starts. Hitting his wall just wasn't enough. Something needed to break; he needed to rip it apart with his bare hands and throw it on the ground.

 _"_ Have to...home..."

"Stop. Stop!"

More pressure, and a feeling like he'd been pinched, and then the bright flashing flares finally started to go away. When he could see again, the first thing he registered was _brown,_ brown eyes, round and wide and burning, and glaring right into his own.

"Raphael?"

He struggled, confused and crashing. He was in a room, he knew that, the motel. He needed to get to the window. He needed to go home, except he couldn't move at all. His arms and legs weren't responding, and besides that, he was being...

He was being held, restrained against something that was hard and warm and shivering, or maybe that was just him. That same smell was everywhere, and nails dug into his skin, anchoring him in one place.

"-called the police. You can't leave, do you understand? Just-"

Was that...?

"L-Leonardo?"

The restraints- the BODY, it was a body around him, Leonardo's body- tightened, and some of those shivers were coming from him.

"Just calm down. You need to calm down."

He had needed to _jumphitbreakrun_ all night. But now, half blind, paralyzed, shaking, Raph couldn't do anything other than let himself be held and wait for the world to make sense again.

"Mmm'srry", he slurred, pushing the words through harshly chattering teeth. "Mm's-s-s..."

Leonardo mumbled something into the top of his head, and nothing more was said as the police sirens roared past and Raph slowly, slowly, slowly cycled down from his high. Sleep finally found him hours later, huddled half unwillingly in the other male's embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	40. Aishiteru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which MORE things are said, LEO possibly fucks up, and Raph can not deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I LEARNED HOW TO DO GIFS! Every chapter from now on will have one. If you guys want to comment your own reactions, please, please do.  
> And we cracked 100 comments!)

Raphael slept for three hours after the two it took him to actually fall asleep. It was still the dead of night when awareness crept back in, blanketing itself over his brain until he couldn't ignore it any longer. He was damnear afraid to open his eyes, fearing that the world would attack him again, but to his relief his senses were back to normal when he cracked them open, scanning his surroundings with slitted golden irises.

What he saw shocked him. He was alone on the bed, but from his vantage point, the damage was clear and abundant. It looked like a tornado had ripped through the motel room, and an angry tornado at that. There were fist sized dents in the dry wall surrounded by drying red handprints, the old lamp that never got used was bent in an almost ninety degree angle to the ground, and the dresser was on its side, surrounded by splinters and glittering shards of the mirror that had been perched above it.

_Fffuck..._

Raph exhaled tremulously and grabbed for his elbows, biting down hard on his lower lip to stop a groan when the sheets clung to his tacky, red spattered green skin as he moved. His entire body hurt like he'd been hit with a fucking semi. The energy under his skin was still there, but it was a little tickle compared to the lightning bolts it had been before.

"So you're really awake this time?"

The small shift of air and sound that alerted him to another presence in the corner just before the words filtered into the dusty air was the only reason Raph didn't grab a handful of ninja stars out of his belt and just start chucking them in every direction. Still, he jumped, yelping when his shell banged hard against the window ledge.

Leonardo watched him with a blank, unimpressed expression on his beak from his spot on the floor on the other side of the small room, twirling a random blade blindingly fast between his fingers.

Raph swallowed hard and coughed as the taste of blood caught in the back of his throat. "Fuck ya mean, 'this time'?"

He was horribly aware of how similar that situation was to the one a few months ago, when their positions were reversed and Leonardo was the one weak and shaken in his spot.

Leonardo squinted at him, spinning the blade without pause. "There were false alarms. You'd wake up and destroy something, then pass out again."

Yeah, that much was obvious. The back of Raph's neck boiled with shame. He dipped his chin and dropped his forehead onto his knees to escape the increasingly invasive look Leonardo was giving him. "I...do that?" he mumbled, referring to the ring of puffy swelling circling Leonardo's left eye.

The stony silence he received was all the answer he needed.

"What...what happened?"

Leonardo huffed out a humorless laugh. "What happened was I found you half out of your mind trying to end someone in the gutter, and brought you back here. You kept trying to go home, and when I wouldn't let you leave out the door, you tried to throw yourself out of the window. I was considering dropping you off at a church and letting them figure out what the hell was wrong with you. Eventually I had to restrain you."

Raph flinched away from his blunt words and curled his nails into his palms, trying to force his half soup brain to remember. The restraining part he did recall, but a piece of him insisted that it hadn't been restraining so much as it had been _holding, hugging, embracing._

"That kid," he choked, bunching his mask in his fists while bile made his stomach churn sickeningly. "Did I..."

"I don't know." Leonardo said lowly. "I didn't stick around to see." His shoulder lifted and raised in a little shrug, and he turned back to stare at the wall, unconcerned. "He was a criminal, anyway. It shouldn't matter."

"We don't kill," Raph said hollowly. That was the first rule, the only rule that mattered. And he couldn't even follow that one.

"Just members of my clan, apparently." Leonardo retorted. Raph bared his teeth despite himself. That was different.

"Ya don't give a shit about tha rest of them."

Leonardo smirked wryly. "You're right, I don't. There's very little I do care about, actually."

There was no reason at all why that statement should have stung the way it did, so Raph quickly convinced himself that it didn't.

"What was that, anyway?" Leonardo asked after a moment of silence. "I've seen you angry, and that was something way worse."

Raph's hackles rose, and he tensed dangerously. This was not something he was going to discuss with _Leonardo,_ of all freaking people. "Nuthin'. Jus'...lost it for a minute."

"Call it what you want, but it wasn't 'nuthin'." Leonardo replied sharply. "I don't think that kid would call it nothing, either. If he could still speak, that is. That was clinical."

Raph raised his head with a snarl, most of it anger but about thirty per cent of it fear. "What tha fuck does it matter ta you?!" he snapped defensively. "Ya ain't my damn psychiatrist. Isn't tha whole reason ya wanted ta fuck with me because ya thought I was crazy?"

He was shivering again, and his skull was throbbing with the same pressure from the night before...oh gods, it was coming back.

Leonardo's jaw squared, and some kind of emotion flashed in his eyes, vanishing too quickly for Raph to read it. He unfolded his legs and pushed himself to his feet abruptly, shouldering his swords and making his way to the window.

Raph's throat went Sahara dry, and all of his anger was swamped by cold dread. More than anything he'd ever wanted before, he didn't want to be alone then.

"Wait, wait-!"

He watched in slow motion as his dumb _fucking_ hand reached out and _fucking_ grabbed for Leonardo's dumb _fucking_ wrist as it passed, like he was a dumb _fucking_ kid getting left behind in the _**dumb fucking**_ grocery store-

"What-!?"

_'Oh my god, what are you doing, let him go what the fucking hell-'_

_Don't let him leave. Don't leave..._

Leonardo was staring at him like he'd lost his mind, but all Raph could think was _please don't leave._

"I..."

No other explanation made it out of his mouth. They locked eyes, and the astounded look in Leonardo's brown orbs faded into something unrecognizable but that sent shudders rolling down Raphael's spine all the same.

"You seriously want me to stay?" he muttered, cocking his head to the side curiously. "...Why?"

Raph floundered helplessly for words, his blush and shuddering increasing as they backed up in his mind. Leonardo knew why. He needed to _hurt,_ to chase away that psychotic high, be ripped open, scraped out, remade in the strange wonderful way only Leonardo could do it.

"Ah want..."

Leonardo smiled with the corner of his mouth, still making no move to pull away. "Ask."

At the soft command, Raph felt the last little bit of stubbornness inside him that refused to acknowledge what he had become, what Leonardo had made him, what he had allowed himself to be, crumble away into nothing.

"S-stay."

Leonardo let out a sound that was halfway between a sigh and a laugh. He dipped his shoulder to let his weapons slide to the floor and allowed himself to be pulled back to the bed, shaking his head. Raph was tilting his neck for the kiss even before their knees touched, hissing out a relieved moan at the feeling of lips and teeth suckling and mouthing under his jaw.

"All you had to do was ask." Leonardo breathed, as his nails bit deep and drew blood.

* * *

After, they stayed behind, aware that they were touching more than they ever had but too wrung out to care.

Raph didn't shake. The mania was gone- Leonardo had driven all of it out- but his mind wouldn't let him forget about the criminal he'd...

"Still thinking about that kid?" Leonardo yawned, rolling his head around to stare down the length of his body at the larger turtle laying horizontal by his hip. "I can hear it from here."

Raph grunted a half hearted 'shut up'. "Figures it wouldn't matter ta you. Yer evil."

"Mmm." Leonardo hummed. He shifted into a more comfortable position, stretched out with an arm behind his head and his leg curved to rest on Raph's shell. "Words like that are relative."

"Sure." Raph snorted. With his chin on Leonardo's plastron, he had a perfect view of the inside of his light green leg, and the puckered, knotted skin on the underside of his muscular thigh. It looked like an old wound, but with all the time he spent near the other turtle's bottom half, he was a little surprised that he hadn't seen it before.

Then again, _beneath_ his legs wasn't usually his target focus area so much as _between_.

Raph brushed a fingertip over it without thinking and watched a tiny tremor go through Leonardo's leg. "What's this from?" he hedged, eager to talk about anything else except his own guilt.

"A misstep during training, years ago." Leonardo replied breezily. "Nothing major."

Golden irises shot him a disbelieving look. "Major," he droned. The scar went all the way up to the back of his knee, winding in a semi circle through the tendons. "Looks like somebody tried ta take yer damn leg off."

He felt Leonardo shrug. "Well the leg is still there, isn't it?" he replied rhetorically. "So it was no big deal."

Raph frowned and tapped his fingers on the scar thoughtfully. His eyes caught another line of pale tissue that arched over Leonardo's hip, and he reached up to touch that, too. "This one?"

"A spear."

Raph choked- that wasn't what he expected to hear. "Who tha hell uses spears anymore? Were ya fightin' cave people?"

Leonardo sighed heavily. "There was a small rebellion in the Foot before I came to New York," he explained wearily. "The village I was sent to train in was less... modern, than most places. I put out the lamps before the fighting started, but one of them got relit."

"They tagged ya." Raph smirked.

"They got lucky." Leonardo growled. Then Raph saw the corner of his mouth lift into a sharp smile. "It didn't last."

A shudder that was part horror and part bloodthirsty beast rolled down Raph's spine. It was rare, but every now and again he glimpsed the matching monster inside the other turtle. Just often enough to assure him it was still there. "I'm guessin' that was no big deal too."

He didn't know what compelled him to keep at it, seeking out the various marks on Leonardo's body. It was mildly fascinating. And after a while he didn't need to ask for the stories behind them, they were offered freely. Raph's fingers were as gentle tracing and mapping his body as they had ever been, and every once in a while Leonardo would give a shiver or a squirm in response. Under his skin his muscles flinched faintly at the light touches, ribcage lifting and falling shallowly with his breath.

"Throwing kni-" Leonardo's words broke off into a strangled snort. His toes curled, and Raph looked up to see him smother a smile as he trailed a fingertip over a zigzag under his heel.

Raph squinted at him, then slowly, his lips pulled over his incisors. Mikey reacted the same way, whenever...

"Yer ticklish, ain't ya?" he said gleefully, an evil smile crawling over his features.

"No- _ah_! Alright!" Leonardo yelped, jerking when he did it again. "Alright, maybe... Maybe a little." He glared when Raph started to laugh at him, and he started to get up. Raphael moved to stop him and pinned him down with his heavier weight.

"Quit poutin', Leonardo." he huffed. Leonardo grumbled sourly, then stopped struggling and let out a tired sigh and a low mumble.

"What?"

"Leo," he repeated, rolling his eyes up to gaze at the ceiling. "You don't have to call me Leonardo all the time. Sometimes... people used to call me Leo. You can." He glanced back at Raph. "If you want." He shrugged like he didn't care, but Raphael suspected he did.

Raph licked his lips and stared as the information sank in. They'd never used anything but true names- they'd never cared to try anything else. Nicknames were a step closer to pet names, endearments. Endearments meant actual feelings, the very opposite of what their entire arrangement was based on.

Too close to what his thoughts had become lately...

"L-Leo." The name fell from his lips tentatively, halted, before he cleared his throat and masked his uncertainty. "Leo. Alright Leo. Guess that makes me Raph ta you then." His eyes hardened. "Call me Raphie an' I'll tear yer lips off."

The corners of Leo's mouth pulled up. "Raph. Huh. Alright." The abbreviation shouldn't have sounded so good coming from him, soft and intimate, a marked difference from the chilly mouthful that was "Raphael".

And Jesus H Christ, did he _have_ to roll the R like that?

"Why'd you stop, _Raph_?" Leo asked, amusement glimmering in his coffee colored eyes. "It felt nice."

"Huh?" He looked down, and saw that his fingers had stilled in their exploration. "Oh." Raph shook himself to refocus. He resumed, pulling his blunt nails over a v shaped scar in Leo's side. One line was longer than the other, changing into a deep scratch when it met his plastron, right over his heart. A shorter scratch jutted out from the middle, and the whole thing slanted to the right.

They almost looked like claw marks, but Raphael knew better. He could recognize a scar like that with his eyes glued shut.

"Sai." he breathed, and Leonardo nodded once.

"Mine?" Raph asked, unable to stop retracing it. He honestly couldn't remember ever landing a hit this brutal on him, but when the anger took over memory got fuzzy.

"No," Leo responded quietly, sounding oddly subdued. A breath he didn't know he was holding hissed out of Raph's chest, and something like- was that relief?- swept through him.

He realized that he didn't want to be the one that made that mark... to hurt Leonardo that deeply.

"I was twelve. I was fighting for my first Rank, the right to be recognized as an Honored Child." Leo continued, reading his mind. "Five on one, easy odds. But there was a Sai user, and he came at me after I'd killed the others. I was tired and he overpowered me. He locked up my practice blades and broke them, nearly killed me." He pressed his palm to Raph's shoulder. "Remember the first time I fought you, when we first met?"

"Yeah," Raph grunted. "Mostly."

"You couldn't break my swords, no matter how hard you tried." Leo recalled. "After that fight with the sai user, after I'd won my Rank, my Father had the swords I use now made for me. They're forged with titanium cores, with diamonds inlaid in the steel edges. To stop that from happening again." He fell silent, and the only sound was their breathing.

Raphael bit his lip. He had no clue what to say to that. He sighed and shook his head. "Guess that was nice of him."

Leonardo didn't reply, seemingly lost in his thoughts. Raph moved on, edging upwards until his fingers plucked at the black and red ribbons constantly wound around Leo's left arm. Instantly, the smaller turtle tensed like a stretched rubber band beneath him. "Stop."

Raph's eyeridges pulled together. "What is that? Ya never take it off, even when we're..."

"None of your business. Let it go." His words were sharper than knives and colder than arctic winds, but Raphael wasn't deterred. He grabbed at the fabric, loosening it before Leonardo pulled his arm up and away.

"Stop!"

But he had already seen. Growling, he snatched Leo's wrist and forced it down, pushing the cloth out of the way as he struggled. The silky ribbons slipped down to reveal more scars, but these were of a very familiar breed.

Short, deep slices marred the smooth skin under Leo's arm, running in both directions like horizontal train tracks. They were perfectly centered and symmetrical, unlike his own ragged hodgepodge of razor marks. None of them were recent, but the ones near the bottom were slightly pink around the edges.

Leonardo had stopped struggling, seeing that it was pointless, and now he was glaring in earnest as Raph took in the sight, slightly horrified. Of anyone, he'd never thought that privileged, spoiled Leonardo would have...

"W-what tha hell is this?" he sputtered, eyes wide. Leo yanked his arm away and gripped at the scars, seemingly curling in on himself without moving his body.

"Old mistakes." he whispered. "Leave it at that."

"Shredda make you do this?!" Raph snarled.

"I said leave it-!"

"Does he?!"

"It's my fault!" Leonardo shot back. "For every failure, there's a payment. With every cut, you learn, until perfection is reached." His tone turned hollow, rehearsed.

As rehearsed as Raph's own "Yeah, I'm fine" every morning, while the washing machine scrubbed all evidence to the contrary out of his bedsheets.

"That's bullshit!" Raph barked. "How d'ya believe that? He's makin' ya hurt yerself! Yer s'posed ta be his son. He's s'posed ta care about you."

_This ain't about you. Don't make it about you._

"He does. Everything he's done has made me better, or stronger. He made sure no sai user could ever get past my defences. He groomed me into what I am. Those scars are a small price to pay for perfection. But you wouldn't know anything about that." Leonardo spat, eyes blazing brown fire.

Raph pulled back, steaming. His knuckles itched, and he felt a familiar sensation rising up in his chest, but he fought to push it back down. "I don't, do I?" he hissed through clenched teeth, scrabbling for his forearm guard and shoving the leather down to his hand. He watched with a grim, sick satisfaction as a shocked expression crossed Leonardo's face.

"I wasn't...I didn't-"

"Yeah, I figured that." Raph sneered. "Nobody ever does. Comes from years an' years of being told from the get go that yer a mistake, not really even s'posed ta exist, and yer never gonna become anything, or even have real friends or else ya end up in tha zoo, or under a microscope." He shook his head. "Then growin' up and finding out that yer a total disappointing fuck up in pretty much everything, dumb and crazy and talented at nothing but breaking shit and getting in trouble and makin' people hate ya."

His voice was getting thick at the end, so he stopped and blinked away the burning in the back of his eyelids. He forced out a bitter laugh. "'Least it's easy to hide. Nobody ever looks. Guess the truth's too ugly for em."

"No, they don't." Leonardo breathed. "...but you do."

Raphael shrugged brusquely, not trusting himself to speak as Leonardo's fingers lighted gently on the back of his hand, to the star shaped marks between his own emerald green digits.

"Mirror?"

He swallowed hard. "Didn't like what I saw lookin' back." He turned his head to watch as Leonardo's hand moved to his shoulder again, and saw a matching set outlining the other male's knuckles.

"I can relate."

Raph looked him fill in the face, and saw the apology in his expression, regret and more understanding than he wanted to deal with. His anger sputtered and died as quickly as it began, and he sighed heavily, letting his eyes close.

"We're fucked up, ain't we?"

Leo matched the tired noise. "Probably." They didn't talk for a while. The moon sank lower in the sky, giving ground to the incoming sunlight.

"Raph..."

Raph opened his eyes. Amber met brown.

"I'm sorry. I was wrong."

"Don't gotta apologize. I guess I...shoulda stopped when ya said stop." he mumbled.

Leo's mouth quirked. "Was that an apology?"

"Don't get used to it," Raph rumbled darkly, and Leo smiled -a real smile, not a smirk- and chuckled.

And something odd and completely unwanted and uncalled for happened.

Raphael really looked at Leonardo.

He didn't just see him, like he'd done so many times before, something to tear open and apart to devour. He looked, and it was like wiping fog away from a window. Little things started jumping out at him- the black and gold flecks sprinkled through his irises, the small knots of extra joint tissue on the sides of his wrists, a tiny, tiny chip in the top plate of the plastron. Barely there freckles under his jawbone. A black scorch spot on the tip of his tongue.

Small, stupid shit that no one would notice, but that he suddenly couldn't believe he'd ever missed. With each dumb little detail, a low, bubbly feeling drew tight in his gut, unlike arousal or anything else he could remember experiencing. It kind of hurt, to be honest.

He didn't remember who initiated the kiss, only that one second their mouths weren't touching and then the next they were. But after a minute or so it was still just a KISS, not a hormone fuelled grope fest, not evolving into anything nasty or invasive. No bites, no blood, no pain or anger.

And it scared the living hell out of him.

This wasn't what he was used to, what he'd come to expect. This felt like...FEELING, like emotion. Like they actually gave a damn. It was slow and considerate, nothing like their previously quick, dirty embraces, a selfish exchange of take and barely give.

It would have been so easy to deepen it, fill it with hasty, half baked passion and sloppiness, and write it off as another lead off into a night of animalism. But no one did. To Raph's horror, he wasn't just sitting through it, he was FURTHERING it, instigating more, and he couldn't stop it. He felt himself brush his lips over Leo's; once, twice, licked at his lower lip just to feel the fullness of it against his tongue, remembering how it puffed up when Leonardo bothered it or got really in the mood. He knew when he caught the scorch mark because the taste of slightly burned green tea flooded his mouth, and right then it was the most delicious thing ever.

He felt the slide of their skin, Leo so warm where he was usually a few degrees cooler than normal. He felt their hearts pounding against each other as though a double layer of flesh and bony plating weren't separating them, felt their knees bump and hook like parts of a chain.

Leo's low hum was more a vibration than a sound, rippling through his jaw and down his spine.

He felt all the places between them, pockets of nothing and air where their bodies didn't touch, and he hated them, wanted to fill them in until they didn't exist anymore. The tightness in his belly rose up and up and just when he thought he was going to puke, it broke through his chest, dissolving into warm shivers that went all the way up his brainstem.

It felt like...happiness. Right then, for that second, for at least the duration of that breath, he felt...happy.

It ended much too late and much too soon, with a soft smacking sound as their mouths disattached. Raph blinked slowly, dizzy, punch-drunk, almost like he'd been smashed in the head with a bat but without the pain. He gazed down at Leo, his face unguarded now, filled with so many emotions that Raph couldn't catch them all. He mumbled something that, through the blood rushing in his head, Raph didn't catch, but he read the word on his lips, foreign but horribly recognizable.

The warm shivers morphed into icy needless and tore backwards through his veins, forcing him up and off Leonardo as his gorge rose.

"I- I g-gotta-" he choked, kicking away and scrambling for his possessions. He couldn't bring himself to look at Leonardo, didn't want to see what was there. He'd lose it, lose it all.

He probably just had.

"Wait-wait-"

_No no no no NO._

He felt a hand land on his carapace, and panic flared like a siren in his brain, everything screaming at him to ESCAPE NOW.

"Let me go!"

"Raph-!"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

He didn't look back as he reached around and batted Leonardo's hand away, or when he shoved his body as quickly as he was able out the window. He didn't want to hear the stunned gasp, see the hurt, confused expression. He pounded across the motel roof, not caring if he was seen, summer gusts raking frigid talons down his overheated limbs.

He kept seeing that moment replayed in front of his eyes, that silent, whispered word that had just ruined everything.

 _Aishiteru_.

_BASTARD!_

He wished he didn't understand. He wished he didn't know Japanese. He wished that language was never invented, he wished that word didn't exist.

_Aishiteru._

The urge to puke was for real this time, a sour burn in the back of his throat. His mind was a whirlwind of knives and pain and fear, he didn't even remember how he got home, or how long it took. Raphael only wanted to be as far from Leonardo and that motel and that word as he could possibly be.

 _Aishiteru_.

Kicking his door closed was the last thing he could do before dropping to his knees and purging his guts up into the trashcan by his hammock. His throat was on fire and his vision floated on the tears filling his eyes and he couldn't, wouldn't let them fall. He wrapped his arms around his torso and gagged and spat until there was nothing left to lose, and hard shudders were making his teeth rattle in his skull.

 _Aishiteru_.

No, no. That was not what this was about. This was not about pet names and slow kisses and meaningful looks.

_You can't have this, you can't have this._

_Aishiteru_.

This was cheap, fast, dirty, convenient. Uncaring. Not THAT. Anything but that.

_Aishiteru._

Frenzied, acidic bile still clinging to his chin, Raphael ripped open his drawers and searched for his razor, fumbling with the catch until the silvery blade sprung free. He knew he looked like a junkie readying for a fix as he shoved his armband up once again, pressing the glittering surface to his skin.

_Aishiteru._

He gasped when it sliced home, and the shining edge was cut by the spurt of blood from his arm. He waited for the panic to fade, for the comforting numbness to set in, but it didn't, and that was terrifying.

 _Aishiteru_.

He wasn't going to do this, get sucked in any more. He'd already been sucked in enough and now he saw that. This feeling wasn't love (no no no, every -letter- deserved- a- line). Love was for fairy tales and chick flicks, pretty people with pretty lives.

Love wasn't for a freak who lived in a sewer and made people scream and slept in his own blood and dreamed about hurting his own family. Love was for good people, not monsters- beasts- like him. He'd resigned himself to that a long time ago. He wasn't supposed to want-

_I don't._

Love was just another thing to get destroyed, ruined. Inevitable, undeniable. Just like he'd ruined this. It was a miracle it had lasted this long.

_Congratulations, dumbass. You really fucked it up this time._

He didn't love Leonardo, and Leonardo didn't love him.

_Who would? Look at you._

He didn't need to look. He knew it was true. He couldn't even do a meaningless hook up right. He had to end this, quick fast and in a goddamn hurry. He would not, could not let himself believe that he wanted love, or needed it, or deserved it. He'd never have it, so there was no point.

The next time he saw Leonardo he would do what he did best- ruin and hurt. He'd hurt Leonardo so badly they'd be enemies all over again, and this whole misguided mistake would be a thing of the past.

Raphael dropped his blade only when his fingers were shaking too hard to hold it firmly any longer, slippery with blood. He clambered into his hammock and lost the energy partly through, hanging half in and half out. He curled up against the misery, almost as if to shield himself from the inside against the agonizing surges of WANT, of NEED. Of fear.

But he still felt Leonardo's lips on his own, soft and inviting. Every beat of his heart sent pain ripping through him.

_Aishiteru._

_Love you._

It took everything in him not to cry from the ache of wanting, and knowing he could never ever have it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
>  
> 
> (I love this, I love it so much.)


	41. The Thinnest Of Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the author has no explanation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *buckles seat belt and opens umbrella* There's a feels storm coming, I suggest you prepare for it. I shall tease you faithful readers no longer. Angst, because I have to hurt you to give you what you want. Although, depending on length, I may have to cut this in half...)

The hours leading up to night time were the longest that Raphael had ever spent awake, unfortunately letting him reflect and simmer on what he needed to do to derail this fucked up train ride from hell.

One little word, three in English, had completely torn his world asunder and propelled it into one of equal parts misery and hope, which was even worse than the misery, all things considered, as pointless as it was.

The morning-slash-afternoon directly following his emotional panic attack, Raphael spent upwards of thirty minutes hiding from himself in the chilly bathroom, once again watching the icy stream run pink and red as he mechanically cleaned and wrapped his cuts, darkly enjoying the stabs of vein deep pain radiating from the torn flaps of skin. That, at least, was consistent, constant and comforting. The pain his razor brought him was always reliable.

Other things just couldn't be, apparently. Not even dirty hookups with an enemy that was _supposed_ to go right back to hating him once they reached their orgasm limit. Somewhere along the line, things had gotten horribly confused. But that was fine, because he had a plan, if it could be called that, and the basic premise of that plan was pretty much _fuck everything up._

_Shouldn't be too hard._

Raph tied off the last bandage and glanced up into the dingy mirror in front of his face, watching as the warped glass twisted half of his reflection into a sneering grimace. Back in his mostly right mind after his anxiety attack, he thought he knew what was happening, and he tried, once more, to talk himself through what he was about to do.

He knew why he'd run. That was the easy part. He had begun to realize how much Leonardo had actually affected him, and he hated the bastard for it, for turning him into a trained dog without his fucking permission.

_But was it though? You begged him for it. He told you what he was going to do, and you asked for it._

Raphael clenched his teeth against the thought and tightened the knot in his fingers, hoping the answering surge of pain would drive it from his brain. He hadn't _wanted_ this, and Leonardo wasn't going to force it on him. He had to destroy it, before it went an inch further. Everything he knew, everything he'd learned, he was going to scrounge it all up and tear Leonardo to pieces with it. He would rip those wounds open so savagely it was doubtful he made it back home uninjured and alive, and afterwards, things would be just the way they were supposed to be, hope and his own temporary messed up happiness be damned.

 _Pretty shitty plan._ But then again, he'd never believed he could have anything more until those stupid words got uttered, so why start?

_You didn't know. But what if there was an alternative, though?_

Raph growled low in his chest and started wadding up blood soaked tissues, lobbing them into the toilet with hands that shook only slightly.

There was no damn alternative, and screw Leonardo for playing like there could have been, even for just a second. It didn't take a Donatello level genius to see that two selfish, broken assholes didn't fit in any sense of the word. Disney didn't make kissy movies for murderous freaks, and he'd accepted that at ten, when that little girl-

He curled his fingernails into his palms to stop that thought before it could form fully. She didn't matter. That was what he knew, regardless of how. He'd let himself slip, but there was no way in fuck he was going to let himself fall. It was a fall he wouldn't survive, so it was better not to jump.

Something knotted up in his chest, sudden and painful, and he leaned on the sink for a long moment, taking slow breaths in and out. None of this had killed him yet, and it wasn't going to. He knew what he needed to do.

But...

He was torn, no matter what he yelled at himself, between going through with his half cocked plan, or crawling back to that motel on his knees and trying to explain, begging to be tied to the headboard and have those fucking words sliced into his flesh over and over until he had no choice but to believe them.

_He'd do it too, and that's what you're hoping for._

Raphael shuddered, driving his elbows hard into the cold porcelain sink so hard the caulk groaned under the weight. He felt strange, hot and confused and desperate. So many violently conflicting emotions and thoughts...It was almost more than his sanity could stand.

 _Sanity? Ha. Might as well go along with it, now that he knows how crazy you are._ His molars ached dangerously in the back of his jaw, and it was only the dull heaviness in his flayed arms that saved the mirror from shattering under his anger.

_I ain't the only one._

Leonardo and him were one in the same, and that was exactly why this was headed for disaster. All they could ever have was lust, and when that faded, there'd be nothing, just like when the anger went away and left the grey in its place.

_You're afraid._

He had to decide. Things had gotten too far to pretend it didn't matter. He wasn't even sure who was using who anymore, but he was certain he wanted no part of what came next, and that he was done debating it with himself.

Raphael made an effort to stop his fingers from trembling and scrubbed a fist over his face, taking one last look at the mirror before turning to leave and forcing himself to stare into the beastly side of the image.

He tilted his head slowly, until the normal reflection was gone, and the monster was all that remained, scowling at him. In a few hours, that was all Leonardo was going to see, right before it ripped his proverbial throat out and burned everything to the ground.

* * *

He didn't text before he left, halfway out of fearful shame and halfway because he knew he didn't need to. It was probably the hottest night since, and the city was eerily quiet as he made his way to the Riviera, as if New York was holding its breath with him, waiting for the fireworks.

Raph didn't hurry there. He wanted to prolong this as long as possible, but the part of him born from common sense that he'd been smothering and ignoring for so long kept telling him viciously that it had to be done. Subconsciously, he wished that something would happen and he wouldn't have to keep going- a Foot attack, Dragon mobbing, alien invasion- but his luck was apparently in the shits.

Nothing stirred on the exterior of the building, but he wasn't dumb enough to think that no one was there. He felt the pull like a needle to a magnet, dragging him through the window with invisible chains.

He couldn't bring himself to look straight on, staring at his own bare feet as if his very life depended on where he stepped. He couldn't see much more than the edge of a tightly crossed green arm and a tense knee out of the corner of his eye, but the not-so-faint aroma of fresh blood was unmistakable as it danced in and around his nostrils, thick and irony and accusing.

For a wild second, he thought that maybe he'd hallucinated the entire situation. Maybe this was a regular night. Leonardo was going to say something smart about him being late before shoving him backwards on the bed, and everything could be avoided.

Raphael waited with his heart in his throat and his stomach somewhere near his ankles, bracing for the anger, the condescension, for _anything,_ but the silence stretched thin and heavy for minutes on end. Ten passed before he literally forced his eyes up to see what he was faced with.

Leonardo's eyes were fixed on his, but the gleam that had come to linger there when they were together was missing. They were burning and icy all at once, like hardened nitrogen, and his expression was more closed off than the great wall of China. It was like staring into a glacier- a tense, stiff, unmoveable, turtle shaped glacier. He wasn't frowning, or glaring. It was like he wasn't there at all. The ribbons were back, wrapped tight enough to raise small welts on his oak green skin, and though they were hidden by the black mask, Raph was sure there were deep circles under his lids. Random bruises were scattered over his legs and shoulders, small and circular and too perfect to not to have been made on purpose.

The words were right at the tip of Raphael's tongue, waiting to fall, but everything screamed at him not to. Something was happening with Leo- _Leonardo,_ and the wrecked part of his heart said that he needed to know what. He wanted to… Raph blinked incredulously at himself. But he did. He wanted to make Leonardo feel better.

_There's something wrong with him._

_I don't fucking care._

As they stared at one another, Leonardo didn't speak a word or utter a sound. He just held Raph's gaze and waited, watched as an edge of confusion crept into his defiant anger, let the cogs of his mind turn, let him grow impatient, let him wonder. Leonardo let the anticipation build, and time and silence do his talking for him.

Even then, wrapped in a thick hoodie and baggy jeans, Raph felt cold and naked, uncomfortably bare in the face of that deadened brown spotlight of a gaze. That old poison that hadn't been there for the last couple of months was suddenly back and boiling in his veins with a vengeance. It made him sick.

_Fuck him for breaking me down and building me up every time he looks at me._

"Ya just gonna stand there?" he snapped finally. That earned him a sharp quirk of an eyeridge, so he rolled with it, adopting his best sarcastic tone. "Alright, fine. I'll say it if you won't. We ain't doin' this anymore."

No reply or reaction was forthcoming, excluding the other eye ridge being raised. Raphael barreled ahead, gaining speed and vindictiveness by the second.

"It was fun while it lasted. I guess, I mean, kinda. Probly went on too long, anyway." he said, as casually as he could manage, while a pit of…something…opened up in the space where his stomach used to be, churning with bile and something that might have been hope if he wanted to call it anything at all, hope that maybe Leonardo would argue or tell him to stop talking shit because they both knew he wasn't going anywhere.

At that, Leonardo smirked, one canine gleaming in the corner of his mouth. It was an old smirk, full of sarcasm and mockery. "Oh, is that what this is? You're breaking up with me?" He pressed a hand to his plastron and rolled his eyes, voice dripping with apathy. "Excuse me if I don't swoon from devastation."

Despite the immediate surge of irritation that prickled him in response, Raph heaved a sigh of relief deep in his chest that Leonardo was replying. His own anger fed off of and into Leonardo's, allowing him to lie the way he needed. If he'd been left with his own voice and conflicted feelings, his body would have undermined him faster than he could blink.

Raph twisted his lips into a cruel sneer. "See, there ya go, actin' like a bitch. Wonder if Shreddah knows he's got two daughters instead of one."

Leonardo barely blinked at the insult. "Aw. Trying to hurt my feelings? Maybe hoping I'll try to hurt you back? It's so obvious it's pathetic, particularly when you were a sniveling, needy mess the night before."

A torrent of hurt raced through him, but Raph struggled to quell it. _Fuck him. Fuck him and everything about him._ "Yeah well. Maybe I was hoping if I acted sad enough you'd let me hit."

Something like a small laugh bubbled out of Leonardo's chest, airy and full of jeering."You're disgusting." The words were spoken so lightly, but they burrowed deep beneath Raph's skin, burrs pressed against nerve-endings to set them sparking with anger over and over again.

"Yeah, guess I am. And yer an enemy, always was and always will be. I ain't forcing myself to pretend ta care about ya anymore, even if ya do got a nice ass and a warm mouth, so just beat it back ta wherever they found you." It was probably some of his best spur of the moment work. Perfectly uncaring, despite the fact that it felt like butcher knives coming out.

Leonardo snorted and crossed his ankles. "Now you want me to leave? Interesting, considering your _heartfelt pleas_ for me to stay." Sly and venomous, with just enough patronizing concern to make it hurt.

"This ain't my fault," Raph growled, eyes flashing. Some of his internal anger leaked through his flippant front. "All of this bullshit was on you, right from tha fucking beginning. You wanna stroll around here waving yer tail in my face, then ya can't even keep yer prissy feelings out of shit-"

"Me?!" Leonardo barked indignantly, standing upright swiftly.

Seeing him rattled finally boosted Raph's confidence. "I speak Japanese, I know what the fuck you said!" Raph snarled. "I don't know if you were trying ta be funny or if you really got caught up, but I don't really give a shit, I'm done-"

"You said it first."

He blinked, staggered. "What?" he gurgled, with a sense of mounting dread and panic.

Leonardo stared at him blankly, with a nasty little smile on his face at seeing the wind taken out of Raphael's sails. "You may be stupid but you're not deaf. I wasn't the one that-"

He had no damn idea of what to say to that except to somehow stop Leonardo from talking and making noise. "Yer a sad fuckin liar."

"Clearly you don't recall. But when you were cowering from the police in my arms, doing your best to convince me that you were absolutely psychotic-"

"Shut up."

"-after you murdered that kid in the alley? Oh yeah, by the way, he is dead. I thought you should know." Leonardo's smile grew, terrible and grimace like. "The other thug was a dragon showing him the ropes. He went back to check and found a tape outline in his place. So congratulations, you're a killer, just like me-"

"SHUT UP!" Raph yelled, vehement. The scream was tinged with notes of his growing hysteria. An icy trickle rolled down his scutes, directly in contrast to the heat strangling his windpipewindpipe.

"-you kept telling me you were sorry, over and over. You said the phone was dead, and everything was dead, but you said y-you loved-"

No. NO. He couldn't allow that word to exist then, between them, sickeningly sweet and false and WRONG. That word led to other words, and other words led to...

"Yer a FUCKIN LIAR AND I'M DONE. I'M DONE." Raph managed, losing his grip on both his act and his higher thinking the longer Leonardo fixed that darkly calm look on him. The plan was out the fucking window by then, and he realized that by getting pissed and defensive he was essentially letting Leonardo win, but the other male had to be lying. He HAD to be, because there was no way that Raphael would ever-

"Yeah. I'm lying. Makes it easier, right?" Leonardo coughed and cleared his throat, voice rough and sarcastic and eyes strangely bright. "But then again, who better for a murderer?" he retorted glibly.

"I AIN'T NO MURDERER!" Raph howled, vision swimming red.

_Fuck him and his fucking mind games!_

"You are." Leonardo argued. "You think that you're a crazy murdering _monster_ and that's why you're running away, so go ahead. I won't try to convince you otherwise and I certainly won't chase you. No one ever will, in any case."

His knuckles were popping under the strain of him keeping his hands from flying around Leonardo's neck. Raph's syllables came out stuttered and mangled from the rage gluing his tongue to the roof of his mouth. "Y-You fucking-"

He couldn't finish before Leonardo cut him off again. "That's what you wanted to hear, wasn't it? Justification for your own bullshit self esteem issues." Leonardo asked acidly, waving a dismissive hand in his direction.

"Ya don't know SHIT. YOU did this. YOU. You fucked this up, not me. I hate ya. I always fuckin' hated you." Raph hissed harshly, for the moment completely believing it. He felt his insides squirm at his disapproval. "I don't need yer pity. I don't need you."

"You. Said it. FIRST." Leonardo eununciated, pushing the dagger sharp words agonizingly slowly through his teeth. "What did you think I was going to do, beg you to stay? Like you begged me? I'm not quite that pathetic yet, sorry."

Raphael wrestled to tamp down his fury enough so that he could speak without screaming, or getting the words stuck in his own throat. It was hard going. He barely managed it. "I think you need ta get tha fuck out of here."

"Gladly. Have fun being a miserable asshole." Leonardo shrugged, kicked away from the wall, and went to leave, like they'd had just a boring little argument.

Like Leo- _Leonardo_ hadn't waltzed into his life, torn a huge hole in him, and then apparently lost interest, just like Raph himself was pretending to. _Mother fucker._

Every cell in Raph's body rebelled violently against the assumption that he couldn't survive without Leonardo and that world, the dark and shattered world that had dragged him in to.

It wound him up. It made him livid, shutting all his rationality down until he could only think one thing- win.

_Hurt tear destroy demolish WIN THIS because he was so fucking tired of losing and this asshole wasn't about to make him admit to shit-_

Raphael snapped.

"Try not ta get raped on the way home."

Leonardo gave a huge, whole bodied flinch, but Raphael wasn't done, spewing venom at him like a cobra.

"I don't even think that really happened. Tell tha truth, wasn't it just a big sob story ta get me ta cry over you? Yer Shredder's baby boy, and you _love me_?" He spat the words like they were sludge. "Nah. Something like you can't even feel that. I don't give a shit if it's true or not. Just cause somebody grabbed ya and made ya a little bitch don't mean ya can do tha same ta me-"

He stopped abruptly as his brain caught up with his mouth. He felt the pain in his chest as acutely as a bullet hole. The atmosphere was tomb silent in the wake of his outburst, but the words echoed and drifted like wasps long after they were spoken, stabbing and horrific.

_Oh my god._

Raph shuddered in panic as the words he had snarled so rashly finally made it to his ears. He looked back at Leonardo, frozen halfway to the window, fighting back the fear and shame. There was no falseness in the shock and betrayed agony written plain on the other male's face, or the glassy sparkle in his eyes that looked dangerously close to engaged tears.

_I can't believe I said that._

Leonardo sucked in a heaving breath that sounded like he was breathing through a pillow, wet and stiffled in his lungs. Bubbling nausea rose in Raphael's stomach when he started to laugh- an awful, wrecked sound. "You fucking idiot. All you know how to do is destroy, don't you? Your family, yourself. Why did I ever think I could fix you?" He shivered and shook his head, still laughing that horribly twisted laugh. "Go to hell. Go to _hell!"_

"I..."

 _I'm sorry._ And he was, in that instant, the most sorry he'd ever been in his life. This had been the plan, but Raph didn't feel any stronger or more free. He felt dirt low and hollow.

"Nothing can fix you. I see that now."

Maybe it was the tone Leonardo used. It wasn't threatening, it wasn't promising punishment. It was just a serious, sad acceptance, and it tripled the guilt Raphael was feeling, figuratively mulching him to a pulp.

If only Leonardo had just beaten him to a bloody heap. That would have been so much easier to cope with than being given up on, wholly and completely.

When he realized that was what had happened, the world fell out from under his feet, falling into the darkness with nothing to hold on to. His stomach lurched, and the anger returned with a vengeance.

"I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO TRY AND FUCKING FIX ME!"

"AND I DIDN'T ASK TO BE MADE TO CARE ABOUT SOMEONE THAT WANTS TO BE A DEAD END!" Leonardo yelled, eyes dark and angry.

"YOU WENT LOOKING FOR ME! YOU FUCKED MY LIFE UP!"

"I went _looking_ for a distraction" Leonardo hissed. "You're just so damned _pitiful,_ and of course the one f _ucking_ person that maybe has a clue about how horrible it is to be me had to be the _one thing_ that could get under my skin-"

"Horrible?!" Raphael yelped, bewildered. "Yer a fuckin' little prince."

"I'm always one mistake away from being disemboweled in front of my entire clan. My sister's only job in life is to kill me and take command over my very literally dead body, and my father turned me into an emotionless killer. All those people I had before you? Most of them were too drunk or perverted to care about where and how they were fucking me or how old I was when they were doing it. I'd take the sewers. I'd take it all. I can't care about anything anymore, but you...you made me CARE. Do you know how wrong that is? How much that isn't supposed to happen?" Leonardo's shoulders trembled after his speech, and he blinked furiously, fingers coiled around his scarred arm as if they were burning him beneath the ribbons.

Of everything he felt about Leonardo, understanding hadn't so far been an emotion he had felt. He was feeling it now though, as accurately as a heart attack. Despite the fact that his pulse had ground to a painful stop in his veins, Raphael continued to try and choke out rebuttal.

"You picked me apart. You...you tried to unmake me. You told me you wanted ta break me. I never..."

"I was going to kill you, that first night when you attacked me. I was under orders, and I still am. There's a spot for your head right above the throne. I meant to end you. But you kept coming BACK." he yelled. He took a step back, a bitter little laugh escaping his lips. "Don't you get that? You were supposed to run, to snap, to get sick of me."

The glare he fixed on Raphael then was hot enough to boil water with the resentment alone. "But you just couldn't, could you? Because you care too, and now I couldn't kill you if I wanted to. You're an _addiction,_ because you make me hate you, fight you and chase you, and every time I think I'm over it and I can kill you and be done, you just..." He grabbed for the sides of his mask and made a violent noise, like he'd just been punched hard in the skull, squeezing his eyes shut. "I should have just stayed in fucking Kyoto. You've ruined everything."

_All of it, lies! Don't let him fuck with your head again!_

"No."

"Don't lie. I've had enough of liars. Just say it." Leonardo demanded.

"I don't. I don't give a shit about you."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't!"

"I was bleeding out, I could have been free of it all, but you just couldn't let me go, just like I couldn't take your head off."

"I wasn't gonna let you die!"

"Why?!"

"I don't...-I don't- I can't-"

"You said it!"

"SO WHAT?!"

Finally, FINALLY, Leonardo fell silent. Mercifully, he didn't keep talking, but it was too late.

 _Fuck._ Raphael's eyes sank closed slowly. Regret. Resignation. Something scarily close to despair.

_This was the plan, wasn't it?_

_Fuck no._

His eyes snapped open and he zeroed a poisonous, surly glare at the slimmer turtle. Too late to take it back now, but he could still argue his point. "Huh?! What the fuck do you want from me? What the fuck does it matter?!"

"It matters." Leonardo said quietly.

Raphael bristled and loosed a murderous growl at him. "Why?! You're right, alright? I'm a monster. I always been one. I'm fucked up. I can't...you shouldn't...no one should. It shouldn't be me. You can't want that. Nobody can. I'm a freak and I'm fucked up and I can't have that. It don't matter."

He felt as though he were holding a gun against his head. It was without a doubt the scariest thing he had ever done. He waited, feeling like he was teetering over the edge of a cliff, bared and exposed by his own words.

_Fuck him for making me so weak._

"It matters. It matters-"

"Shut up, just shut up."

"It matters," Leonardo continued, more loudly to cover Raphael's protests, "because you made me care, but you don't get to tell me what the hell I should and shouldn't want. You think I'm supposed to be scared of you? I'm as broken as you are."

"Everybody's scared of me!"

His family, his brothers, his friends. Why the fuck was Leonardo supposed to be different?

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not."

"Why?!"

"You know why!"

Enough. Enough.

_He's just going to leave me in the end. Betray me and leave._

"Say it!" he snarled, challenged, suddenly needing to hear it while at the same time it was the last thing on the planet he needed to hear." Go 'head, lie! Lie like a fucking-"

And then there was a crushing pressure against his face, a green and black mass that he later recognized was Leonardo - _when did he get so close? When did he move?- a_ nd his next word was cut off and swallowed and kissed away. He started to gasp, to scream, but the curse turned into a soft, needy noise in the back of his throat, nearly nonexistent as their mouths clashed, teeth and tongue, hard and punishing. There was desperation in it, and there was fear, and anger, and pleading. It was a kiss that tasted like truth, like venom coated in sugar, burning him, destroying him, making him want more.

_I love you._

He felt it. That kiss seemed to reach into him and deposit those three words in every fiber of his being. When it was over, the world felt colder. They were both shivering wrecks as Leonardo pulled back slowly and reluctantly, unable to look anywhere but at each other.

"Goddammit. I'm not-" he stopped. "You can't-" He swayed, rocking on his feet. He didn't want to stay but he couldn't leave. "Fuck you. I hate you. I don't know why I ever let myself get sucked inta this shit."

"Call me a liar." Leonardo dared shakily. "I-"

"Just...goddammit! You can't. You can't."

The smile he received was resigned and sad. "I do. I hate it, I hate that it's you. I really do. But I... care. About you. You're the only one..." He dragged in a painful sounding inhale. "When you're alone... and you find... someone. Anyone. But someone who's there and who understands. You can't tell me you don't understand. Like you've been living on a desert island your whole life, never seeing anyone and then you meet someone. It doesn't matter who or what they are. They're that person."

He hadn't actually said that he half-expected it all to disappear any moment, but they'd both heard it anyway.

"Fuck you. Why did you have to...make me...I can't..."

His tongue was acting strange, plastic. He'd never understood why people said 'tongue tied up in knots,' but, damn. He got it.

_I hate him so much I love him and I love him so much I hate him._

"Say..."

"I h-hate...why did you..."

Unlike their first kiss, which had been all passion, and anger, and fervent desperation, the next one, when it came, was nothing but a soft, tentative press of lips on lips. Testing. Easy. There were no bells and whistles, no fireworks and trumpets heralding True Love's First Kiss – just a gentle pressure, soft and fleeting, and battle-calloused fingers tracing a path down one cheek and across the tender flesh of Raphael's neck with astonishing care. It created a warm pool inside him, making him melt. Leonardo's- _Leo's_ \- lips pressed up against Raph's again and again, turning his mind into mush.

_Why are you doing this?_

_Because it feels so wrong it's right._

_Because I want it as much as I need it._

_...Fuck. I think I love him._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> (A/N: ALMOST 6000 WORDS! Yes, I have to cliffhanger you. However, whatever you expect to happen next WILL happen, so it's not really a cliffy. Take a breather, and continue to the most emotionally draining smut I have ever written. Seriously, I need aftercare. In the form of comments XD.
> 
> Honestly, if you guys never ever comment or, for the loyally awesome repeaters, never comment on another chapter, (not that I'm advocating that, I need you guys' feedback like air), I would treasure your thoughts on this chapter and the next in particular. Was it rushed? Are there typos? Did you love it? Hate it? *Loki voice* TELL MEEEE!
> 
> Oh, and the next one should be up either later today or EARLY tomorrow, so keep your emails watched.)


	42. Well It's About (Fucking) Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raph grows up a little. (And Leo lets go a little more.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: "Tomorrow for sure!"
> 
> I'm a liar, I know. )

After those first few, the kisses fell like rain drops from a swollen thundercloud that had been threatening to break all day, slow and cautious in the beginning while they waited with baited breath for each other to turn away or change their minds, until the dam shattered and their resistance crumbled away like wet paper.

Every touch of Leo's moist mouth set Raphael's bones to quaking. His kisses were mint tinted and splashed down onto his feverish skin more gently than they ever had, soaking down into his core and loaded with all the emotion that still remained unsaid.

There were points of sour to the sweet; scattered, erratic kisses that were more teeth and bite than soft lips and tongue, remnants of the lingering resentment, uncertainty and anger left over from the baring of their souls. Those made Raph gasp, almost like he'd taken a bite of a hot pepper, small pinpricks of pain that were quickly soothed away but always returned a few seconds later, fierce and real and just as perfect.

_I love you. I love love love love..._

It still hurt, but only in the best kind of way. None of this had gone according to plan, but Raph couldn't bring himself to care anymore. He had his doubts about all of it, but he knew he was long gone, and probably had been for a while if he was being honest.

It ended up back on the bed, because it ALWAYS ended up on the damn bed, switching between side to side and one on top of the other. Leo's hands dug into the folds of his hoodie and pulled, and Raph let him peel the layers of clothing away one by one, yanking them over his head and down his hips before dropping them to the floor. There was no carnal frenzy in the movements, just a quiet desperation to touch more and get closer to feel the other's warmth and pulse.

It felt like the closer they were, the more real everything became.

Raph's fingers slipped under the silky ribbons in the same instance that Leonardo's lighted on his armbands, and there was a moment where they both stilled, gauging their own reactions as well as the other's.

A weak, vulnerable tendril of fear that he hated coiled around Raph's heart, and he debated pulling away. Those scars weren't something to show off. They weren't pretty, and they weren't for anyone else to look at. His memories were his, and his brain, and his scars had always belonged to him and him only. The ragged lines were a written testament to his insecurity and mental pain, and he had a feeling that Leonardo felt the same way.

He was mostly sure that if those bands came off Leonardo wouldn't take back what he'd said and leave in a disgusted huff, but...

Brown eyes locked into golden ones. No words were spoken, but though Raph saw apprehension and long dull pain in the dark depths, there was nothing guarded or angry, and the trust there spoke volumes, enough to make his throat stutter around his next breath.

He tugged once, hard, then gentler when Leo gave a small hiss. Raph lowered his eyes to watch the material fall. The pads of his fingers came away wet. It had been impossible to tell from the dark color, but the binding was damp and sticky with clotting blood. It clung to the still closing cuts lining Leo's wrists, leaving smudges of red behind as he worked them free.

A growl built itself up in his chest. A stab of protectiveness buried itself in his heart without warning, strong and startling. "I'll kill 'im."

Leo placed a hand on his hard front, giving a little shake of his head. "It wasn't Shredder."

Raph narrowed his eyes at him, puzzled. "Then who?"

Leo smiled dryly, with no humour. "He didn't mandate these. I did them myself."

Raph tried to swallow and got nothing but a dry tongue for his efforts. "W-why?"

Leo looked away and started unlacing Raph's armbands with one hand, twitching his shoulder like the question was an annoying insect. "I thought I'd failed." he muttered simply. He slid the brace down and Raph tensed, watching his face with barely concealed anxiety.

Leo trailed his thumb slowly over the hills and valleys of healed and healing gashes, expression unreadable. He didn't say anything, just kept stroking them in silence. With every pass off his textured digit over what was arguably the most secretive place on Raph's body, the previously unidentified and undiscovered emotion inside of him crested higher and higher. He felt like he wanted to scream, but didn't know why at all. Eventually it boiled over and lowered his face back down to Leonardo's, locking their chapped lips together with a desperate movement.

Love felt a whole helluva lot like insanity. Love was overwhelming and possessive. It wanted him to look and taste and touch until he memorized every dip and rise, every inch, scar, birthmark, and pale freckle on the body beside him, simply because he could now. For the longest time, all he could do was explore Leo's body like he was conducting a forensic examination, tracing the knotted mountain range of the huge pinkish scar on his left arm with his tongue while murdering Shredder in his mind. He scrubbed his mouth down the twisted injury over and as if the blood was still there and he could kiss it away.

It was sweet and disgusting and fluff like, but he wouldn't have stopped for anything.

When he found a second ticklish spot- the little H shaped area behind Leo's knees- he snorted, coughing to cover a giggle. The resulting jerk of his body brought their groins rubbing together. The sudden reminder of their demanding arousals was like a splash of cold water.

Raph looked down, stupidly surprised at his own reaction. Both of their cloacas were strained and pulsing, damp and ready to burst. The cliff was back, yawning and ominous at his toes, and Raph was instantly terrified.

He glanced back up, and blushed hotly at the blandly expectant mask settled on the lighter turtle's beak. "What do you wanna...I mean..."

He knew that somehow this had to happen, but it felt wrong to ask with all that he knew out in the open.

_Oh, you were raped and abused? Cool. Let's fuck!_

Yeah, no.

"Smooth." Leo bit out, voice dripping with sarcasm. His eyes darted to the side and his shoulders raised and lowered with a silent sigh. "I owe you, don't I?" Another shrug, and the lines of his face stiffened slightly. "Whatever. Go ahead."

His tone was the painfully neutral and accepting of someone contemplating getting a shot at the doctor's office. Raph felt his desire flicker and fade like a covered candle and frowned, thoroughly discouraged. The answer he'd been waiting so long for, and it felt hollow.

Raph licked his teeth. "I don't..."

When he wasn't immediately jumped on, Leonardo narrowed his lids and glanced sharply at him from the side, confusion bright in his gaze. "Wasn't that the whole point, or am I missing something?"

Raph cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah, I mean...at first."

"And now?" Leonardo asked, tilting his head.

_Good damn question._

Raph guttered out a long sigh of his own. _Damn this 'feelings' shit._ "I ain't gonna leave if we don't. But I don't wanna force ya."

A steely edge crept into Leo's voice. "I'm not a little girl, Raphael. You can't force me to do anything. If I thought you were forcing me you'd know it."

Raph's flush deepened. This was not going well at all. "I didn't mean it like that." he explained. "But-"

He watched the confusion morph into a stunned look, then one of flustered annoyance. "A week ago you were chomping at the bit for it." Leo huffed. "Do you want it or not?"

Shame gurgled low in Raph's belly as he realized how wrong that sounded.

It. Not me, it. Like it was a fucking cookie.

_Yeah, and one you've been begging for._

Nerves and embarrassment made his temper snap, and the words came out sharper than he'd intended. "Not if you don't, shit!" Raph barked. Leo visibly clamped down on a surprised flinch, staring at him unwaveringly.

"What does that matter? I said you could." he repeated, flat and cool.

"It _matters,_ " Raph snorted sardonically, "cause I ain't like them."

From what he'd gathered, Leonardo had never had much of a choice, if any, about who he'd rolled over for. It made him feel like a dumbass, all the hints he'd missed. There was no way in hell he wanted for the first time they got down to be because Leonardo felt like he had to, like it was a chore he had to complete.

Then it was Leonardo's turn to flush. "Shut up." he mumbled. Raph shook his head roughly and pressed on.

"Look. I believe ya, alright? I'm here." he grunted bluntly. "Ya got me. But if ya want me ta stay, then-"

Irritation. Leo's lip curled slightly. "I just said-"

"Just shut tha f-!" Raph slammed his eyes shut and wrestled with his irritation, growling in the back of his throat. "...Listen. I'm tryin' ta be with this shit. But if ya don't want it, neither do I. And...and if ya want me to believe you love me, then ya show me I'm not just yer toy."

And if that was it, if they were really agreeing to that, then it wasn't going to happen until he'd had one moment of control in the... in their...

 _Fuck._ Relationship. That's what it was, he was in a fucking relationship. Casey would laugh his ass off if he knew.

Leo's expression softened. "I told you that already."

Suddenly confident, Raph rocked their hips together again, wracking them both with shivers. " _Show_ me then."

Leo exhaled and rolled his eyes in their sockets. A smug smirk flittered around the corner of his mouth. He leaned up and ran his fingers lightly along Raph's jaw, a flirty glint sparking to life in his irises. "What do you say?"

Raph bared his canines in a half grin, half grimace. His blood was back to pounding in his ears, hot and demanding. "Sonova- fine." He adopted a sugary sweet inflection. "Please may ah fuck you?"

The gentle fingers turned harsh, gripping his face hard enough to leave bruises and making Raph's pulse and cock jump. "Watch it." Leonardo hissed. "Just because I'm a little fond of you doesn't mean I won't still hurt you."

Everything had changed, but Raph was both relieved and excited to hear that it was still exactly the same. He still needed and wanted that exquisite agony. His own golden eyes darkened with lust, and he buried his teeth in the crook of Leo's neck, gulping down the low moan he received. "Promise?" he mumbled hopefully, mortified at the word the minute it left his mouth.

"Mmm." Leo hummed. "Maybe. If you're good. Or bad." He grinned and reclined back against the headboard, wicked brown eyes heavy lidded and smoky. "Come on then, Hamato. Show the teacher what you learned."

Something clawed at his insides, deep, eldritch and not unlike the hunger he usually experienced in this position, but different somehow, tempered and directed. A half groan, half whine escaped his throat as Raph sucked a hard hickey into the skin over his collarbone. This time, when he nudged at Leo's knees, they fell apart easily, revealing a swollen tail that just barely covered how aroused he really was.

Raph shivered and shimmied down until he was laying on his front, with Leonardo's slim thighs on either side of his torso. He dripped a trail of bites and kisses as he went, scattering wet marks and indentations of teeth that reddened in his wake. Muscle memory kept his nerves at bay- they'd done this similar routine so many times it was like standard procedure, teasing and pushing buttons until the right spots were revved up.

Leo crooned as Raph fixed with mouth over his bulging slit and sucked hard, lapping and chasing him when he squirmed until the hard plates softened and parted under his tongue, and Leo dropped down in short order with a harsh shudder, nearly completely rigid and bobbing proudly.

He gripped the base hard and gulped down the head, slurping when Leonardo moaned and grabbed for his mask, twining his fingers in the red fabric. Bursts of salty precome coated the inside of his mouth and he kept going, pushing down, down, down until only the last inch and a half was uncovered and his beak was buried in the musky warmth of his slit.

Raph swallowed around the throbbing shaft in his mouth, and his gag reflex gave a warning hurl, but it was worth it to see Leo spasm and hear him wheeze. "Sh-shit, oh, Gods..."

Raph smirked as much as he could and set to his task smugly, tightening his jaw on the upstroke and letting his teeth graze the underside of his cock when he plunged back down. Yeah, maybe he wasn't as ridiculously talented as Leonardo, but he knew how to get the other male going just as good.

If he had to prove himself, then dammit he was gonna do it.

Aside from the tense grip on his mask, Leo didn't direct him and let him play. He could determine what pleasure Leo felt and how. And his growing moans and mewls of distress were amazing, much more so when Raph actually took the time to listen to them.

"Oooh, come on, c-come on, more, more, _Un-!"_

He braced his hands on Leo's hips to contain his thrusts and stop himself from choking. The urge to tease had him suckling gently on the flared head in a way he'd never done before. Leonardo was the most reactive he'd ever been, grunting and groaning hoarsely in approval. Raph ignored the ache in his jaw and the soreness in his throat in favor of dragging out more of those noises, squeezing and rubbing his own thighs together and humming from the sensations in his own groin.

His whole body was singing, heated and aching to be touched in return, but he shoved it down and away.

The roles were almost totally reversed. It went on forever and every, wonderfully wrong and opposite. Leo was amazing that way, trying so hard to hold on to his self control, desperate to be perfect. The way he normally carried himself spoke of discipline and command; it made it made it all the more a sweeter victory to finally break him down. The monster was still there beneath the surface, simmering and snarling to rip him apart and make him scream, but content to wait a while in the face of everything that had been said and the trust Raph had been given.

"Mmmn ...I almost th-think...y-you've b-been...practicing," Leo gasped fitfully, massaging the tender spot right at the top of Raph's spine. He jerked and whined when Raph pulled off with a loud wet pop, leaving him swaying and flushed dark purple.

"I ain't even gonna answer that," he snickered. He dragged his tongue around his mouth to break the strings of saliva connecting them and spat into his palm, then started pumping viciously up and down. Slick sounds filled the room. Leo threw his head back and rasped something foreign that Raph didn't have the presence of mind to translate and determine whether he was really pleading, or just being an asshole.

_Speaking of..._

A jitter of exhilaration scrambled up his spine, and he took a deep, calming breath to stop himself from shaking. "Spread out." he demanded. He had to fight to keep his voice steady. "'M gonna open ya up."

Leo raised his head and stared down the line of his body with slate dark eyes and a sultry grin. "How polite of you." He widened his legs even more, hooking his calves over Raph's shoulders. "Go for it." The way he looked at him made something flutter in his midsection. He glanced away and tries not to blush, feeling like an idiot all of a sudden.

The sight that met him when he glanced down made his mouth water. Raph's eyes lit up with lusty fire as Leo's tail flexed and contracted, glimmering stickily in the low light and almost literally beckoning him forward. His gland was slobbering all over the backs of his thighs, downright drooling, kissing a damp spot into the mattress pad below.

"Goddamnm," he blurted dumbly. He didn't think he'd ever seen Leonardo THAT wet.

_I'm doing that._

He briefly debated whether he wanted to tell Leonardo to stretch himself, and the image made his veins constrict, but he eventually decided to do it. Raph reached out to circle his sopping entrance with the pad of his digit, and found himself stopping. It was… intimidating. He imagined that any second Leo was going to stop him and knock his head off.

 _It's just fingers, dumbass. You've done this before._ With that thought firmly in the front of his mind, Raph shook himself and pushed, sinking quickly down to the first knuckle while Leonardo huffed and made a low noise in the back of his throat.

"N-nngh..."

Kneeling between those long legs, his fingers stroking in and out, was one of the most exciting things Raph had ever done, even better than the night with the toys. There was no game, no ulterior motive working against him, and he knew what was coming next. He could do this as long as he wanted and he had all the control, but it wasn't the old vicious dominating feeling.

The second finger went in without warning. Raph pried him open the way they both liked it, hard and fast and brutal until he was hard enough to hurt from watching and Leonardo growled savagely, glaring at him with eyes so dialated they looked pupil less.

"If you don't hurry up I swear I'm leaving to find someone to finish for you."

Raph sneered and yanked his digits free, trying not to whimper when Leo's body clenched around them reflexively and the feeling sent a hot jolt straight to his neglected cock. "Eager much?"

His bravado died when he rose up onto his knees and found himself frozen in anticipation, his heart racing a mile a minute, the blood in his veins spiked with electricity. His stomach was wringing itself into knots, and his pulse was faster than it had been in a long time.

Holy fuck, this was it.

All the build up had driven him into a frenzy of mixed nerves and adrenaline that hit him like a fastball to the gut, making him feel queasy. It was almost too much for him to handle, and for a wild moment he wondered if maybe he should just quit and try again later.

Raph only paused for a second, but Leo glanced up anyway and ran one finger across an old short scar on his wrist to get his attention. "I'm serious this time. I won't stop you."

Raph worked to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth. "Ain't you I'm worried about," he said, shockingly truthful. He was drawing a blank. He suddenly felt very vulnerable, even more so than before. Ice flooded his limbs, and he shivered.

"I don't know what ta do."

If he sucked, or lost control and wrecked everything, or...

_I don't wanna fuck this up._

He didn't look up because he didn't want to see the bemused understanding that filled Leo's chocolatey irises, but he felt the sentiment warm his face all the same. "You're already doing it." he said softly. He reached down with one hand to hold the base of Raph's cock, curling his hand around the top of his plastron with the other, slowly drawing their bodies closer together and guiding the tip inside.

Their sweat dampened foreheads touched in the same instant that the head popped through the first tight ring of muscle. Raph choked, vision spinning just from that little bit of pressure, and Leo nipped harshly at his chin, hot breath ghosting over his cheek. He heard what might have been 'breathe' in Japanese, and it might have been 'focus', but it didn't matter because he couldn't have done either.

 _Fuck fuck fucking fuck._ More long seconds passed as he tried hard not to come from the ridiculous tightness, and he almost didn't make it. It was nothing like a hand or a mouth. It was...

Thankfully, Leo didn't move, waiting for him to remember how to inhale properly before shifting his hips and pushing himself down a few more centimeters. The world spun. Raph made a strangled sound and he stopped again. The next few moments followed that vein- push, stop, push, stop- until a tiny, involuntary thrust of Raphael's hips took him all the way down to the root with a dizzying sucking sound. Leo didn't scream, only exhaled long and hard, fisting the sheet in his palms and turning his head into the flat pillow under his skull. He made a rough noise, muffled in a way that was just the best kind of filthy.

"Fffu...fffu...fffu..."

Raph panted out curses that turned into breathless gasps halfway through, dazed and lost completely in the feeling. His senses were going haywire. He felt like his eyes were open, he was staring into a new world of colour. He could feel every texture against his skin, every flex and shudder. Leonardo's body was pulsating, warm and wet and alive where they were conjoined.

Aside from the physical, it was like a hole in his chest that he never knew was there was finally filled. Raph kneeled over Leo, suspended and wide eyed, almost too afraid to move. He felt that if he even blinked, this would all shatter.

Leo trembled and grabbed for Raph's shoulders, teeth buried in his lower lip. "M-Move," he grunted, digging half moon furrows into the emerald green skin under his nails. "M-move, ah, move..."

He shoved him back and just as quickly pulled him forward, clenching as he did so. It almost hurt, until he realized that it felt so good it was on the borderline of pain. Somewhere in his head, the beast whimpered for more.

Raph loosed a guttural moan and tried to keep a handle on his instincts as he started thrusting, arms braced on either side of Leonardo's head. The lighter turtle felt so hot and tight and fragile around him and he loved it, more than loved it, couldn't imagine going the rest of his life without feeling it again. It was like he belonged there.

Time faded for a while, the air filled with slick slapping sounds and rasping gasps. Leo was wet around his cock and smooth, unbelievably smooth. Raph felt his fucking toes start to curl as he was rapidly overrun with pleasure. His hips moved on their own accord, erratic and mindless. Dull lightning danced up his backbone and he ground his molars, shuddering with increasing violence.

Even as his climax chased him down, something was off. They'd been going at this for what seemed like forever, but the only noises his brain was registering were his own grunts and moans.

Raph struggled to get his wits back and looked down, forcing his eyes to skip over his own plunging cock and fixate on his partner.

Leonardo's fingers were stiff and straight on the mattress, knuckles white. His body jerked with each of Raph's thrusts, and a muffled grunt tumbled out from between his pursed lips, but he didn't sound at all like he had earlier. His forehead was wrinkled with concentration and every muscle in his body was coiled like he was bracing for a punch. He was still hard, but only about halfway.

_Shit. He's zoning out._

The very thing he'd wanted to avoid was unfolding right in front of him. Clearly, Leonardo was used to being used until whoever was on top of him finished and left, but that's not how this was going to go.

It was almost physically agonizing to slow his body and grind to a stop, pulling out until only the spongy head remained inside. The minute he did, his suspicions were confirmed. Leo cracked open his eyes to slits and stared up at him like he'd done something stupid or confusing. "W-what... w-why'd you-?"

Raph clawed his thoughts down from the cloud that had formed in his head so he could speak. "Y-ya ain't liking it," he stammered.

Leo's eyes slid closed, shutting Raph out. "It d-doesn't m-mean anything," he sighed. It did though, and they both knew it. The guilt swamped Raph's arousal, reducing him to a selfish asshole in seconds flat. He rubbed a frustrated palm over his beak. He wasn't good with words at the best of times, and this was easily the worst of times.

"I said I wasn't like them," he repeated. Leo snorted derisively.

"It's _FINE,_ Raphael. You're getting what you wanted and I'm alright with it. Stop trying to be sensitive."

"That ain't the point," Raph told him, voice low and dark. "I want ya ta want it. I want ya ta want me."

"And why is that?" Leo retorted scathingly. His caustic tone stung, but in a rare moment of clarity Raph saw through it for the defensive tactic it was. He didn't allow it to irritate him. He locked gazes with Leo and didn't look away when he replied.

"Ya know why."

Leonardo's adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed and glanced to the side. He breathed out once, and murmured a tired assent. "You can't keep doing this to me." Another exhale. Raph felt the exact moment when his muscles relaxed, going trusting and pliant beneath him, cautiously at ease. His muscles unfurled like tea leaves in hot water, bare and shaking beneath Raph's fingers. That was the real yes, the one that he'd been waiting for.

This time, when Raph grabbed himself and rutted back in, Leo lifted his hips at the same time Raph rolled his, making a point to find that special angle. He grinned savagely when he was awarded with a high pitched yelp and the long expanse of Leo's straining throat as he tossed his head back, writhing. "F-fuck, oh fuck, there. _There_."

Raph snarled in response and pistoned back in and back out with no hesitation. Leo's walls clutched and undulated around him greedily, sucking him down deeper and deeper. His legs came up to wrap like snakes around Raph's waist, twitching and quivering as he slammed in over and over.

"Oh fuck...ah...oh—Jesus, fuck..."

The noises came freely then, a chorus of half English moans and cries and curses. The scent of blood drifted into the salt heavy air when Leo bit straight through his lip. The red liquid beaded up and smeared on Raph's skin as he scraped his teeth down the column of his thick neck, mixing with the thin sheen of sweat being passed between their bodies.

It was the best thing he'd ever fucking seen, and if not for the vice grip Leonardo had on his cock that caused sparkles to flash behind his eyelids, Raph would have thought he was dreaming. Words couldn't describe it. This was heaven with a capital H.

Leo arched and twisted as much as his shell would allow, widening his knees and raising up into Raph's brutal thrusts to claim him even deeper. Pretty little 'uh, uh, uh' noises erupted from his reddened mouth on every forward push, and his cock bounced where it was trapped, sandwiched between their hard stomachs and coating the bony plates with milky precome.

" _Fuuuck_ so tight, so tight, _aaa_ hh..." Raph groaned, digging his fingertips into his calves. Pleasure ricocheted through him like fire, making him feel radioactive with the intensity of it. The slow, testing movements they started out with were gone. He pounded in hard and Leo took it and demanded more, better, harder, both of them bucking so wildly the bed frame wobbled dangerously on a broken leg that wasn't that way twenty minutes ago.

He only paused when the headboard smacked against the far wall and Leonardo made a punched sound, canines bared and eyes tightly shut. Raph's hips stuttered in his frantic fucking before Leo buried his blunt nails in his cheek and growled that if he stopped again he'd kill him.

They're both a mess of sharp edges and rigid muscles, and everything was filled with cloying heat and the scent of them together.

Squelches and smacks made up the soundtrack of their actions, intermingled with various whines, whimpers and gasps. Raph couldn't bring himself to stop watching as Leo's velvety hole pulsed open and fluttered closed around him, puffy and abused and taking him all like a champ.

There was nothing human about the noise that escaped him when he batted Leo's hand away as it reached for his throbbing cock, pinning it down to the bed with his own. Raph lifted his knee on impulse, bending one leg damnear back to his ear and pulling the other out straight. Raph leaned down harder, and Leo nearly shrieked at the new angle, clawing at the back of his head for better purchase.

"Uh uh," he barked, sounding like his throat was wrapped in barbed wire, kissing and scratching anywhere he could reach. "Y-ya come f-from t-this cock, or ya d-don't come at all." Goosebumps rose up thick and tingling along his flesh as warmth started to build in his bones, but he wanted to see Leonardo go first. His skin was combusting cell by cell, but by some miracle he managed to stave it off.

Even with his brain in meltdown, he knew Leo was close from the shrill pitch of his whimpers and the sweat-sheened fever-bloom in his flesh, that rose-tinged glow darkening to a bruised, mottled color that humans couldn't see, but that Raph could smell beneath his pulse.

"G-g-gonna c-cum," Leo puffed, thrashing hard enough to scrape the stain off the headboard with his carapace. His front was speckled with red, blood drawn from his own mangled lip and Raph's teeth and Leo's nails. "G-gonna cum, f-fuck, _fuck-!_ Ah-!"

On a whim, Raph shoved his tar black mask up and away, leaving his eyes naked and burning. He smushed their faces together, briefly sealing their mouths until he was giddy from lack of air.

"S-say it ag-again," he pleaded. He was certain Leo would know what he meant. He felt exposed, stronger than ever but frail in the same instant, and he was so fucking close, so close and he needed to hear it.

A triumphant smile broke through Leo's convulsing features, and the expression was as tender and deadly as a knife to his throat. He curved into Raph's forceful motions and dragged his broad tongue over the hollow of his collarbone, whispering it into the slick streak he left behind.

" _Aishiteru."_

Raph shuddered, holding back a wail. It _burned._ "Ag-again." he begged, increasing his pace as his joints went weak and watery.

" _Aish-_ mmng-! Hunf- Aishi-Aishiter-ru."

_More, more, more._

The syllables kept coming, broken and scrambled with raptorous noises. Each time it felt like a stab in the jugular, a hot brand searing him ruthlessly, shoving him over the highest edge with a sobbing roar. His eyes went wide and his spine almost broke in half as the crest hit him, fighting the constraints of his shell to curve and bend under the surge that ripped along his nervous systems and emptied itself in an endless rush into the body beneath him, painting Leonardo's insides as he followed right behind, splattering both their chests and stomachs in a throaty yell.

The savage thing stalking his subconscious roared in victory. Leo kissed him behind on the cheek like a balm on his skin as they caught their breath and cycled down, shaking and unmade. He slumped and let his own dead weight slip his softening cock out of Leo's ass, blinking blearily as copious streams of viscous white come trickled past his twitching, stretched hole and pooled around his limp tail.

"So proud...of...you."

* * *

They spent a little time kissing each other lazily in the aftermath, coiled and sprawled haphazardly in a clammy tangle of boneless green limbs. It wasn't a fight, or a ravaging. They simply held each other and let their tongues explore every inch of each other's mouths, trying it out, sampling it like a dessert they kept going back to at a buffet.

"This ain't gonna work." Raph declared, when their mouths weren't touching.

Leo's breathy hum tickled his shoulder. "Mm."

"We're gonna fuck this up."

He already knew there would always be that nagging, underlying sense of 'what the hell am I doing'. He would always wonder how long he would be enough. They would fight, feud, hurt, lie, and their pasts and families would always be right outside the window, waiting to peek in and ruin everything. Something horrible would happen, but whether that something was breaking up or worse remained to be seen.

Every odd and statistic said this was a terrible idea.

"Mm."

"This ain't-"

Leonardo kneed him in the thigh, and he flinched.

"Either say it or shut up, Hamato, Gods."

"...No."

"Then let me sleep."

Silence fell, but not for long. He felt like he needed to say something.

"...I..."

"I know."

"I ain't mean it. None of it."

"...I know."

"Leo..."

"Just say it. You'll feel better if you do."

"So what, huh? If I loved ya?"

Fuck it. Yes, he said it. It was black and twisted and desperate but it was his and he'd rather die than lose it. If only he had realised that before he had opened his mouth. Because Raphael Hamato eventually destroyed everything.

But maybe not this time.

Leo snickered lightly, drumming his fingers in a nonsensical rhythm on Raph's back. "Hhm. Finally."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
>  
> 
> Allll the smutty smut-ness.


	43. EVEN MORE FANART: FoxKid1302

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EVEN MORE FANART!!!
> 
> This is coming completely unsolicited from the fantastic, loyal, AHMAZING Foxkid, who has stuck by me ever since they discovered this story on FF and commented in depth on every chapter consistently. I love you so, so much. Totally his, not mine at all.
> 
> EXPLICIT! Hide the eyes of the younglings. Click this link to tell them how much you enjoy this! (The artist, not the younglings.)
> 
> Link to tumblr post: [Original Art by FoxKid](http://foxkid1302.tumblr.com/image/145039402965)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Also, made for chapter 42. Forgot to mention that XD. Uploaded on mobile, so I hope it's not too tiny.)


	44. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a date, where date like things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (FIXED BECAUSE NONE OF YOU BUMS TOLD ME IT WAS EFFED UP)

Splitting up the next morning was as bizarre as anyone would have expected it to be. It didn't start that way, though. Waking up for Raphael was slow and golden, like honey, melting into a long, deep stretch. The blankets were around his legs, twisted and damp, and his head felt heavy, leaden, padded with wool.

For a tiny, tiny second, everything was fine. Then the mass next to him moved with a small grunt, and the world came crashing back in.

Raphael felt like he was dragging himself away from a dream, peeling his body from Leonardo's as slowly and laboriously as one would remove a bumper sticker from a car. Leonardo remained sitting on the bed as he forced his unwilling limbs into a standing position and dressed, watching him with silent, cautious brown eyes that Raph didn't look too deeply into, in case he glimpsed any regret or indifference.

He knew he couldn't have handled that. He felt wobbly and fragile still, like a broken figurine held together with wet superglue, and one harsh word or glance would splinter him into messy pathetic pieces again.

_Too much. Too fucking much._

The first over achieving rays of struggling sunlight were clambering past the buildings on the horizon by the time Raph pulled his hoodie back over his head, stealing onto the bedsheets and spreading like the damn unwelcome intruders they were. Raph stared at them and opened his mouth, wishing that kind of sound would come out. There was way too fucking much to say, and absolutely no time to say it.

"Later?" he choked out eventually, physically incapable of tearing his eyes away from the mocking sunbeams.

In his peripheral vision, Leo drew his knee up to his chest and rested his chin on it, expression solemn and thoughtful. He hadn't replaced his mask. His face looked young and bare. "Later," he agreed, voice hardly above a whisper. Raph wondered if he felt the same as he did, stripped and uncovered down to the quick. Looking at him, Raph thought he knew the answer.

"Here?" Raph said, and Leo smirked faintly, exasperated and amused.

"Where else, Raph?"

The fear that had been steadily coiling in his lower belly untwisted and released with a relief that was almost painful. That had to be a good sign, if he was still 'Raph'. 'Raph' was endearing, 'Raph' was familiar. 'Raph' was who had broken down the unfeeling numbness and walls the before.

His mouth dried. He swayed towards the window and stopped, punching his fingers in the hem of his sweatshirt. To get to the window, he had to pass the bed. If he passed the bed, he'd get back into it, and then his life would be over, because he'd never leave it.

So he swallowed down the words fighting to escape via his tongue, turned towards the door on the opposite side of the room, and left. The sun chased him all the way home.

* * *

He was back the minute it started to go down, as early he possibly could with everyone believing he was out looking for bike parts, slightly more put together emotionally but not really.

He half expected Leonardo to not have moved from his same position on the bed, but he was perched on the ledge of the roof when he arrived, wrapped in his own navy blue hoodie regardless of the 80 plus temperatures boiling the city.

Leo watched him approach, but didn't make any motions to get up. Unsure of what else to do, Raph only hesitated for a second before settling down in the spot next to him. Things needed to be said, he knew that much, but...

Why was this shit so hard? Just the thought of discussing anything else world impacting made Raph feel emotionally tired, and his beast whimpered pitifully in the corner of his mind, weakened and sickened.

 _'Say something,'_ he started to say, but what came out was-

"H-hot as shit out here."

Immediately he winced, and groaned internally.

_Really, dumbass? The weather?_

Leo hummed quietly, bouncing his heels on the side of the brick building. "Better than home." he said. "We're always cold."

Still unable to fully look him in the face and hating himself for it, Raph wrinkled his beak. "The Foot don't got central heating?"

Leo grabbed for his elbows and hunched his shoulders. "Only in certain places. Cold makes for tougher soldiers."

"That's dumb."

"Whatever."

Silence draped over them like a blanket as the sun continued to sink, dying everything gold and purple while the neon signs below flickered on one by one.

"I just thought of somethin'." Raph blurted, desperate for noise, conversation- anything. He made the split second decision that if Leonardo wasn't going to say anything about... _it_ , then neither was he. A horrible one, probably, but silence and aversion wouldn't lead to him sounding like a total moron.

Leo rolled his eyes absently. "This should be good."

"I don't know ya."

Leonardo did look at him then, puzzled wrinkles forming in the skin of his forehead. "I'm... Not following." he said.

"I mean... We did... That," Raph gestured bashfully with his chin the window behind them, and the room beyond. "And I'm pretty positive I...ya know." He verbally tripped over the honeyed blade that was those words.

Denying them was pointless and he knew that, knew that they were scalded into his DNA and irremovable like a telling bloodstain, but actually saying them dug up all the feeling connected to them and threw it into his face every time the syllables passed his lips, and it was going to take some getting used to.

"But I don't think I know more than three things about ya." he continued, toying nervously with a buckle on his arm bands.

 _Good things, anyway._ He knew Leonardo's anger, understood his pain, but the rest of him was a freaking mystery, and for some reason that was suddenly very important.

_I fucked the dude, I should at least know his favorite color._

Leo's expression changed from confused to wary. "Things like what?"

Thus started an improvised, lengthy game of twenty questions that had gone way over the twenty mark, with the unspoken agreement not to ask about anything painful or intentionally triggering hovering between them. As it turned out, Leonardo's favorite color was in fact blue.

"How many languages do ya even speak?" Raph asked, when the rotation circled back around on him. Leo smirked with a hint of pride and tilted his head slightly, glancing up for a few seconds.

"Ten, fluently, not counting English." he said eventually, and Raph snorted in disbelief.

"Bullshit."

Leo raised a haughty eye ridge, and proceeded to say hello in every one of those ten languages rapid fire.

Raph flushed and looked away sullenly. _Showoff._ "...Fuck. Talented tongue, huh?"

Leo shrugged airily, mask tails sliding down his neck. "I guess. But you already knew that, didn't you?"

Raph's face heated another ten degrees and he rounded on Leonardo when the innuendo reached his brain, sputtering and scandalized while the other male snickered at him.

"What do you do for leisure"? Leo asked, after his laughter died down. His eyes darted to where Raph's hand was resting on the railing next to his, almost close enough to touch. "The oil under your nails makes me think it's something mechanic."

Raph huffed, a little impressed despite himself. "Damn, Sherlock." He bobbed his head modestly." "Yeah, I like workin' on bikes. Built a few. You?"

"Reading, mostly. Or training. Calligraphy, sometimes." Leo replied. Raph tried to picture him doing those things in a sterile, serious Foot Compound, and the image seemed wrong.

"Ya afraid of anythin'? Like when ya were a kid?" he said, figuring that was a safe enough question.

Leo nodded once. "Snakes. And heights, briefly, before they beat-" he cut himself off abruptly, going tense for a moment before giving himself a little shake. "Ah, yeah. Not anymore. And- a-and that's it." His fist trembled, and he looked mildly frustrated before his face smoothed back into neutral.

Raph frowned at his knee, remembering the terrified shudder that had gone through Leo's flesh the night Shredder tried to make hamburger out of his arm at the very mention of Bishop's name, and the tales Hun had told to his giggling thugs about cages and scalpels and a smaller, weaker Leonardo. The images that summoned had his blood running cold.

He was certain that was an ugly wound to go picking at, so he clamped down on the curiosity tickling the back of his neck and changed the subject.

"I hate bugs. And needles." he tossed out, once the tight line of Leo's mouth relaxed a bit. "Um... How old are ya?"

"Eighteen. Or I will be, in a month." Leo amended.

"Really?"

"Mmhm."

"Oh. Well... Happy birthday?" Raph croaked. Leo shook his head and barked out a laugh. "Make this even more awkward, why don't you?"

"Hey." Raph protested unhappily. "I'm tryin'." And he was, as hard as it was turning out to be. He felt like he was trying to walk on broken glass and not get cut.

"I know." Leo chuckled. "Don't pout. Speaking of birthdays..."

"September second." Raph grunted. "That's when Splinter found us, anyway."

Leonardo made a thoughtful, pleased noise that was nearly a laugh. "Hm. I'm older."

"Shut up." Raph mumbled. "We don't know that fer sure."

"I think I do." Leo said, smiling condescendingly.

Raph scowled and inhaled sharply, ready to make a retort, but another thought stopped him cold. "How did ya... how did ya even know when yer birthday was? Ya ain't a clone, but... How'd ya end up there?"

The easy laughter faded from Leo's toffe colored eyes, and Raph wilted as he felt him draw into himself. "That's two questions." he chided quietly. "Are your asking for my backstory or my age?"

"I-I dunno. Both I guess." Raph stammered, wishing he could take back the question.

Leonardo exhaled and turned his gaze back out over the city. His tone was hollow when he spoke. "The Shredder was away on business when he found me on Kyushu, in Nagasaki. I was an exhibit in a freak show, alone."

Raph gulped and bit his lip, chest constricting with pity that neither of them wanted, nauseous at both the details Leo wasn't telling him and the casual indifference with which he was saying it. "Damn..."

Leonardo refused to meet his eyes. "It's fine. I don't remember it and I don't want to."

"Were there any othas? Mutants like us?" Raph queried hope sparking dangerously hot in his stomach. All their lives his family had been led to believe that they were by themselves. If Leonardo had been found somewhere else, that could mean they weren't some random accident.

That hope died when Leonardo shook his head negative. "No. The Shredder says I was the only one."

"And ya trust that?" Raph said dubiously.

"I looked, when I was sent back." Leonardo clarified bluntly. "There are no others."

 _Dammit._ "So he just... Took ya home?"

"Mmhm. I was originally meant to be a pet for Karai." Leonardo told him.

Raph's brow wrinkled. "Then how...?"

Leonardo sighed and rubbed at the bridge of his beak. "I was allowed to sit in on her lessons and watch. I guess I just... absorbed the skills. She caught me practicing on a dummy one night and showed the Shredder, and the rest is history." He lowered his hand. "What about you?"

"We ain't sure." Raph started, narrowing his eyes and chewing on his lip. "We know Splinter used ta be a normal rat in a dojo somewhere. He got loose in the sewers, one day, just saw us swimming in a puddle of glowy green shit, and... yeah. That's about it."

An echo of a smile crossed Leo's face. "Some of the soldiers are convinced you're aliens."

"Well some of yer soldiers are dumb asses." Raph snapped, insulted. The small smile grew in size, and Raph felt his ire cool at the sight of it.

A snarling rumble tore through his stomach, loud enough to be audible outside his body. Raph pulled a face and crossed his arms over his abdomen, shivering at the sensation of a drain being yanked in his gut. "Shit..." He hadn't eaten all day.

Leo's lips quirked, and his eyes gleamed. "Hungry?"

"Shut up." Raph said, reflexively. "Don't comment unless yer gonna pull a Coney out of yer ass."

"A what?"

That brought him up short. "Ya seriously tellin me ya ain't never had a York City dog before?" he asked, squinting. "Didn't ya grow up here?"

Leo shrugged, and he thought he saw him darken a little. "For a while, yes. But I stayed mostly in the Tower when I was younger. And the village I trained in was isolated, to say the least."

"So lemme get this straight. Ya ain't never been to Central, never seen the Giants play, never seen any of the parades...shit," Raph mumbled, shaking his head. "Yer a travesty."

"Thanks," Leo snorted. "I apologize for my apparently lacking upbringing."

"Damn right." Raph huffed, the corner of his mouth curling up. "I'm gettin' tha feeling that all ya do is train."

Leo crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his shoulders in mock irritation. "No. I...that's not...ALL I do..."

"No wonder ya ass is so tight," Raph guffawed. Leo was wound tauter than a clock coil ninety nine per cent of the time, and now he knew why. He didn't do shit but work and try to be perfect all the goddamn time.

"I have to be _disciplined_ ," Leo protested defensively, lifting his chin. "It's the reason I can lick you in any fight we have."

" _Suuuure_ , Shredda Juniah." Raph laughed. It was rare that he actually found a way to get under Leo's skin. He was gonna milk this for all it was worth. "It's tha reason yer gonna die from a ulcer in a few years, too."

"Screw you."

"Ya do," Raph shot back. "On a regular."

"Once." Leonardo retorted indifferently. "I never guaranteed you it would happen again."

"Yer not that big of an asshole."

"Maybe I am."

"Yeah, maybe ya are."

The conversation trailed off. It had gotten much darker while they'd sat there, enough to conceal their appearances if one or both of them decided to leave. Raph swung his feet over the railing and turned a quickly growing idea over in his mind before coming to a decision. His stomach growled again, and he pushed himself to his feet and stretched out his stiff limbs, turning to level a smirk at the still sitting Leonardo. "C'mon."

Leo blinked, and didn't move. "What?"

"I'm starvin' and ya need ta live a little." Raph explained.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Leo griped sourly.

Raph let out a loud breath and bounced impatiently on his toes. Before he could catch himself, he swung out a hand and offered it to the lighter turtle. "You comin' or not?"

Leo gave him a suspicious side eye for a few more seconds, but after a moment or two, he reached up and accepted, linking their fingers together and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.

* * *

For two mutants who had never been on anything resembling a date before, Raphael thought their impromptu trot around the city went pretty well.

They still had to stick to the shadows and keep their hoods up, and there were a few close scrapes with a homeless bum and a nosy little kid, but he managed to drag Leonardo to a street parade in Chinatown and sneak them both into a cinema through the back entrance to see the first thirty minutes of a movie before their hunger won out.

It was... Terrifyingly pleasant. Aside from the general pride of showing off his city, it felt like a special privilege to watch the other males reactions to the bright lights and sights and sounds, witness his stunned laughter at the stilt dragons dancing through crowds, catch him trying to grab a fistful of the confetti falling from the sky before remembering that he was eighteen and not eight, and see him jump from the surround sound in the theater. Leonardo was actually happy and it made Raph happy to see it.

They found themselves back on a rooftop, this one across town and overlooking Yankee stadium, foil wrapped hotdogs and pop cans that Leo had snagged somehow in hand, arms and legs brushing warmly.

"Yer really allergic ta mustard?" Raph said, glowering hard at the hotdog that had previously been Leonardo's until it was unwrapped and discovered to be covered in the yellow condiment from hell.

"Obviously." Leo snarked, delicately unfolding the shiny foil over his own food like it was a time bomb and tilting his head to inspect it.

"I hate mustard." Raph mumbled.

"And I hate anaphylactic shock." Leonardo deadpanned, leaning hard against his shoulder just to be an asshole. They didn't say anything else as they started to stuff their faces, Leo a little more... Enthusiastic than he was used to seeing.

"Stop staring like that." he drawled. Raph bristled defensively. "Yer the one suckin off a ballpark beef frank!"

"I am not!" Leo yelped, and Raph made a sound of disbelief. He spun his eyes in the sockets and grabbed his drink from the edge of the rail. "Did you want to finish the game?"

Raph mimicked him and reached for his own ginger ale, surprisingly not feeling the familiar twinge of alcohol withdrawal. "Sure. I think it's yer turn."

"Fine. Is... Is red really your favorite color?"

"No. Ta be honest... I kinda hate it. When I get angry, everything turns red. I just got stuck with it."

"Oh..."

"Yeah. Anyway."

"Um...Gods, I don't know. Did you ever watch movies?"

"Duh. We got a TV."

"Did you have a favorite?"

"... No."

"You're lying."

"No, and fuck you. Yer gonna laugh."

"I won't. I swear."

Raph mumbled something unintelligible, and Leo nudged him.

"What?"

"Dammit. I said... Beauty and the Beast, alright? Tha Disney one."

"... Wow."

"Fuck you. Ferget it."

"I'm not laughing! Why that one?"

"Cause... I dunno, shit. It was one of the first tapes we had. Plus, I guess I just... Liked the idea of it. A pretty girl being in love with a monster. Gave us hope I guess."

"That makes sense."

"What about you, huh?"

"Jet Li's Fearless. Or anything with Bruce Lee in it. He was my idol for a long time."

"That's it?"

"Hmmm... the old Star Treks, maybe?"

"Yer a Trek-Nerd?"

"Shut up."

"What're ya trained in? Fight wise."

"Baritsu, Judo, Ninjitsu, Kung Fun, what Americans call 'Karate'. You?"

"That, basically, minus one or two. How do ya do all that tricky shit with yer swords?"

"Oh, the full rotation? I'm double jointed." He held out his hands and turned his wrists in a full 360, tendons and muscles twisting and doubling back on each other in a way that they had no right to do.

Raph shuddered. "Fuck, that's gross. Where else?"

"Everywhere else." Leo said, with a lecherous smile.

"Fucking tease."

"I thought it was gross. Make up your mind. How did you get your name?"

"That's random."

"Quit deflecting. I'm curious. If you haven't noticed, our names kind of match."

"Splinter picked em. Wait, that ain't true. When he found us, we had tags, like hospital bracelets or something. They had the names on em. They were different colors too, and that's how he told us apart for a few years- what's wrong with you?"

A strange, startled look had crossed Leo's face, and Raph was quick enough to catch it before it vanished.

"N-nothing. Tags, you said?"

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason."

_Bullshit._

"Well what about you then?"

"Um... Karai. She named me."

"... Really."

"Yes." Leonardo shifted like he was uncomfortable and declined to ask anything else for a long time, munching on his food pensively. "What are we waiting for?"

"Ye'll see." Raph told him evasively. "Relax." Leonardo gave him another strange look, but didn't argue for once.

All was calm, but it didn't last. It couldn't, because the one question that hadn't been answered during their quiz game still rattled in the back of his mind, planted and let to fester by every new, gentle kiss and strange caress. He squirmed when Leo tapped his fingers distractedly on his wrist, and he felt more than heard the resigned breath he let out.

"Stop thinking so hard and just ask." he demanded. Fuck, that mind reading thing was getting annoying.

Raph wiggled and fought the warmth creeping into his cheeks, chewing the question like gum before spitting it out. "... Do they know?"

Leo went still against his body, and dread curled horridly in Raph's veins. "Who?"

"Don't play that." he snapped sharply. He cleared his throat and tried again, fidgeting all the more. "Do the Foot know? About this? About us?" he asked, trying to stifle the quiver of concern that lodged itself in his throat.

It took Leonardo a few more seconds to answer than he would have liked. "Do you honestly think either of us would be alive right now if they did?" Leo countered, clearly exasperated.

Raph felt his face color dark brown as the blush won out. "...I don't know." he forced out roughly, scrunching his mask tightly in his hands. "I wanna trust you, but..."

"Four weeks." Leo interrupted softly, trailing the edge of his nail around one of Raph's thick knuckles. "The last lie I told you was four weeks ago." He twisted and met his eyes. "Everything since then has been totally true, Raphael."

There was so much truth in his eyes, it hurt to see it. Raph shivered as he realized that this thing between them wasn't something to be betrayed or broken from either side, including his own. He had signed up for something that couldn't be walked out on, and that was scary in of itself. Everybody ran from him, but Leonardo refused to. Probably because on some level, they shared that inner sadness, the fear of what secretly (or not so secretly) could be.

He coughed apprehensively. "... and the part with the-?"

"Especially that part." Leo cut in, stopping him with a kiss that tasted like grape soda and made Raph's heart squeeze behind his lungs.

"I still think this is a bad idea." he rumbled, when they separated. "I don't think I can not fuck a real real relationship up."

"But you're here anyway." Leo replied pointedly. "For your information, I don't completely know what I'm doing either. Kind of a first time for both of us."

"You afraid?" Raph challenged hotly. Leo didn't even jump.

"You really want to hear me say it, don't you?" he asked flatly. "Yes. I am."

"Of me?" Raph rasped, and the look he received was almost insultingly derisive.

"No, Rapheal. Of myself. Of everything that could go wrong with this. You don't even make that list."

"What was the lie?" Raph asked, after another short lull between words.

Leo shrugged idly and swirled the remains of his drink around the bottom of the aluminium can. "I don't remember. Nothing important."

Raph let out an ugly snort, scanning the skyline. _Any minute now._ "Yeah right. Betta not be anything related to my dick."

"That sounds about right, actually." Leo replied pleasantly, unable to keep the mirth out of his expression when Raph's head snapped around so fast he thought it gave him whiplash, growling viciously.

"You sonuva-"

The curse was cut off by a boom like a cannon, and they both leaped a foot in the air as the sky above them exploded with colour and noise.

A grin stretched itself over Raph's lips. He looked over to where Leo sat, frozen in shock and staring at the bursts of light erupting over their heads. "What-?" he gasped.

Raph chortled and scooted a few inches closer. "So ya don't know what fireworks are, either? I thought Japan had a party fer everything."

He heard Leo swallow heavily in the dark. "...I... no. Yes, but... I was never able to... participate. I've only heard them."

Suddenly needing to be touching him in some way, Raph moved his foot so that their ankles intertwined. "It's opening day fer baseball. First game of the season. It's at night, so they're doin' this before it starts."

Leo's response was little more than a breath. "Oh."

"Yeah." Raph murmured, pressing a hand to his plastron in a vain attempt to stifle the hard convulsions behind the bony plating. It felt like the black crustiness that stained him was slowly, painstakingly being scraped away and Leonardo was holding the knife, carving the darkness out, cleaning what was soiled.

He found himself uninterested in the fireworks and more keen to watch the red and blue sparkles glimmering in the reflection of Leo's wide brown eyes. Moving on impulse, letting his urges run away with him, he closed the last few bits of space between their bodies and wrapped an arm around Leo's waist and nestled his chin into the hollow of the other males shoulder and neck, feeling only a little foolish as he slipped one hand beneath his navy hoodie and dropped the other one into his denim covered lap.

He straightened and tensed, eyes coming down to stare incredulously at Raph, but he didn't shove him off. "What are you...?"

Raph grazed his teeth along the underside of his jaw and shook his head. "Keep watchin'."

A second set of glittery explosions drew his gaze back upwards. He jerked and hissed when Raph, shaking with nerves, started to rub at the seam of his oversized jeans, pressing the material into the v shaped dent in his front with hard grinding circles of his palm.

_Kiss him._

He didn't fight the random thought, nuzzling a wet kiss into Leo's collarbone as he continued to work him through his jeans. Leo rocked his head back and forth, breathing hard and emitting little moans. His lids fluttered halfway closed when the heat under Raph's hand grew hotter and more solid, but a low growl had them splitting open again to stare at the fireworks that were still going strong.

Raph kept rubbing until he felt a damp spot welling beneath his fingers and Leo was thrusting minutely into his arm, gasping and growling.

Embarrassment quickly giving ground to tingling excitement and arousal, Raph undid the cold zipper with sweaty digits and gripped his throbbing length hard, yanking a whimper out of him as he ran his thumb over the wet flared head, dipping his nail into the slit to gather moisture and then started to stroke, just a little too rough and just right.

He timed his pumps to the blooming of the fireworks, stopping when Leonardo closed his eyes or looked away, and soon the slimmer turtle was shuddering hard against his bulk, writhing and letting out languid moans and groans, begging with his body to be allowed to climax.

"R-raph-a-e-el," he gasped, biting open the barely healed split in his bottom lip. "Mm-nn, fuck...ah!-"

"Say it again," Raph grinned, sucking a mark into his skin, lost in the humidity and scent trapped between them. "Go 'head and cum, I wanna see ya do it, jus' like this..."

His shivers and noises increased in volume and violence, hips twitching and cock pulsing hard in Raph's grip as the spray of his come was outlined against the leftover flare in the sky from the fireworks, his shout of Raphael's name ringing over the rooftops for the whole city to hear.


	45. Bump in the Night (PT 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Leo has a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE LAST CHAPTER IS FIXED. I am so sorry for that guys holy shit.

An ambulance woke Raphael up a few days later, tearing him out of his sleep and (increasingly less than normally) fitful dreams, screeching past the motel like a bat out of hell and filling the room with lights and noise. It momentarily blinded him when his eyes slitted open, making him hiss and tense before his thoughts caught up to where he was.

It was still dark, but his internal clock told him it was almost morning. Except for the quiet rumble of a few cars here and there on the street outside, there was no noise, no heeled footsteps of prostitutes on the sidewalk or drunks stumbling out of bars. The only sound was a vague rattle and scrape of a homeless buggy a few blocks away.

 _'New York lullaby,'_ Raph thought wryly. He held back a yawn and tried to sift through the fog of drowsiness clouding his mind. The window was closed, but drafts of chilly early morning air still slithered through the cracks in the glass, clawing at his skin and making him shiver.

Half of him, though, was warm and prickling, weighted down and covered by the body curled against his own. Quiet, measured breaths that were moist against his arm made Raph's glowing eyes swivel down and over to glance at Leo, still asleep, turned toward him with his head pillowed on Raph's broad shoulder.

He froze and stared, even as his limb tingled and numbed with a full fledged case of pins and needles. He was a relatively light sleeper, but he slept like a hibernating bear compared to Leonardo, who could wake up just from someone looking at him for too long. It was probably a miracle he was still knocked out even then, and Raph took a small minute to be childishly proud of himself. He'd been in control the night before, and the fact that Leonardo wasn't up yet spoke for itself.

 _Wore his ass out._ Yes sir...

But if he moved any more, it wouldn't last.

Raphael grimaced and ignored his deadening arm, deciding on a whim to take one for the team and let Leo sleep a little longer. It was rare to see him out cold, even since he'd taken to staying after their meet ups. They'd had sex three times, each time with, surprisingly, Leo on the bottom. He was usually the last one to fall asleep and the first one up. And he never EVER slept with his shell to the door...

...like he was doing now.

Raph blinked as a sudden influx of emotion made his throat tighten. He knew Leo trusted him, as much as someone raised by the damn Foot Clan could trust anyone- letting him use his nickname, letting Raph top him, letting him pry bits and pieces of his background from him- but that tiny, stupid detail about how he was laying made him think that maybe Leo trusted him a little bit more than he thought, not to hurt him, or to protect him from whatever might try to harm him while he slept.

The sappy sentiment made his beak flame, and he was supremely glad that no one else had heard him think that sickeningly sweet shit. Leonardo would have laughed in his face if he'd said it out loud.

' _You're kidding me, right? Get over yourself.'_

Still, the longer he watched him sleep, the more that protective, possessive feeling welled up in his chest, almost the same as the one he got around his brothers but pointedly different.

It was almost a constant, needling anxiety, like every time they parted and Leonardo went back to the Foot Clan, something would go wrong and that would be the last time he ever saw him. It made him feel like a nervous old lady hen and he hated it.

Everything was pale and bleached by the few weak rays of moonlight filtering through the window, grey and yellow both from the flickering streetlight stretching up, around Leo's shoulder and pooling in the curve of his collarbone, gleaming on his shell with each slow inhale.

He didn't know what was better, seeing Leo like this or in full colour and motion. He looked five years younger when he slept, minus the passive cockiness and constant half smirk that made Raph want to tear his lips off.

He'd drink sewer runoff before ever saying it, but Leonardo was damned _pretty, (the adjective his brain wanted to use was beautiful, but he couldn't stop mentally gagging enough to formulate the word)_ slim and lean but still undeniably male, and Raph didn't think he'd ever _not_ want him. He had a sudden, stupid urge to nuzzle into the warmth of his neck, just because he could, but he didn't dare.

Raph's heart twisted like spaghetti around a fork and he found himself unconsciously holding his breath, part of him thinking that if he moved or blinked the illusion would crumble and none of this would be real. He still couldn't honestly believe that any of it- the feelings they exchanged, the things they'd done, the way he felt- was real, was _his_.

 _Mine,_ the beast purred, curled low in his abdomen. Raph sighed silently. Yeah, Leo could be the world's biggest tease, and an unbelievable asshole, and he did dangerous shit to Raph's freaking blood pressure and sometimes he would love to rip his vocal cords out with his fucking teeth and choke him with them until he turned blue and stopped twitching-

But.

But he was still his, Raph's and no one else's. It made him bristle and grind his canines until they ached to think of anyone else screwing around with what was his now. Imagining Leonardo hurt, all the scars that decorated him...that time when his arm was almost torn off...

Something ugly and vile shuddered through his bones, so strong it startled him a little, snarling after Karai's blood, Shredder's, Bishop's, whoever the fuck else.

He would give anything to be able to go back in time and stop Leo from killing his rapist, if only to do it his damn self. ' _Limb from limb'_ didn't even start to describe that damage.

 _Sap. Such a damn sap...you don't even know if he feels the same way._ Regardless of his own mental scoffing, he couldn't deny that it made him a few degrees warmer to think that he might, and that Leo might also, real deal, love him. Because even though it made him queasy to think it, and the mere notion was almost enough to trigger a goddamn panic attack, it was getting harder and harder to deny that he actually loved him back.

 _Ugh, God._ It probably spoke to how fucked up he was that the best way he could tell somebody he loved them was 'I'll kill your whole family for you'. Gruesome, but true.

He was just beginning to drift back off when he was jolted back into full awareness by a low murmur near his earslit, followed by a hot, harsh expulsion of air that rattled his brain in his skull. The weight on his shoulder was suddenly twice as heavy, and Leo's body shifted restlessly against his chest.

"Ya up?" he hissed, turning over to rest on his elbow and look down at the person spooned beside him.

To his bewilderment, Leo's eyes were still firmly shut. His breathing had picked up like he was awake, but it sounded off- stuttering and trapped in his lungs. As Raph watched, increasingly concerned, a bone jarring shudder rolled through his frame, and the streetlights caught the shine of sweat beading fast on his brow.

A hard, cold knot formed in Raph's abdomen. "Leo?" He sat up more, dislodging his arm from underneath Leonardo's shell. They both cringed in unison when he touched down on the sheet, twitching and shivering erratically. His teeth ground together audibly, and his entire body shrank inward. A distressed whine spilled from behind his clenching jaw, and the purely terrified sound made fear coil at the base of Raph's spine.

_Shit, shit, **shit**._

Raphael hovered helplessly above him, frozen and dumbfounded. He knew a nightmare when he saw one, but that didn't mean he had any idea how to deal with it. When Mikey sleep walked or woke up crying about never ending darkness, and Donnie stayed awake for nights on end to escape dreams of gore and inadequacy, Splinter was the one to dry their tears and help them back to bed.

It might have been Raph, years ago, but that was a long time past, and no one had held him after his nightmares in even longer time than that. If there was ever a time when he was at a complete loss, it was then.

Trying to wake him up might get him attacked, but leaving him to suffer in his own head didn't seem like a very lovey dovey option either. Raph chewed on his tongue and rolled the decision around his mind, finally stretching out a hand to alight feather soft on Leonardo's steel tense bicep. Underneath the cold perspiration, he was hot like he'd caught the flu. "L-leo?"

He didn't get his wrist broken thank God, but the lighter turtle immediately and unconsciously jerked away from the contact, choking out more garbled words.

 _"Y-Yame-r-ru...O-oji..."_ he moaned, shaking like an earthquake. Raph felt his gorge rise as he translated the term.

 _Oji? Ah, fuck._ He knew what the dream was about, and felt terrible for not realizing it sooner.

Itchy and prickling from his own nervous sweat gathering in the creases of his body, Raph gave him a brisk shake, ready to jump back if Leonardo came up swinging. "Leo. It's me, it's Raph. Ya gotta wake up." he coaxed, with no luck at all. Leonardo only pulled away from him more, still mumbling dazedly.

_"O-j-ji...It-itai...Or-oriru..."_

Raph felt the backs of his eyeballs tickle and burn, and he had to push his next sentence through a blockage that sat like an apple in his throat. "Leo, Leo, wake up. Wake up." he pleaded. "H-he ain't here. It's just me, an'...babe, wake up. C'mon, p-please-"

He just barely avoided being kicked solidly in the groin when Leonardo's leg spasmed suddenly, returning to clamp back against the other one with lightning speed. Scrambling away, he watched with barely lessened worry as Leo's eyes finally snapped open, unfocused and shiny with unshed moisture in the dark of the room. For a split second Raph wondered if he was still half asleep, before he shot to a sitting position and wrapped his arms around his lower torso, shivers still crawling through his skin. He didn't acknowledge the fact that he wasn't alone, ignoring Raphael like he was the twisted lamp in the corner.

Raph blinked furiously, throat drier than Nevada. Now what?

He reached out to him tentatively, snatching his hand back at the acidic "DON'T" that was swiftly barked in his direction. Blank for words and trapped in an awkward half sitting, half laying position, Raph hung back and observed while a tornado of nausea, anger, and other feelings he had no name for whirled inside him, wondering how big of an asshole would it make him to just turn over and pretend he hadn't seen anything, if that was what Leonardo wanted.

On the other side of the bed Leo worked his mouth and spat, dark crimson droplets of watery blood staining his chin and pattering onto the floor. Aside from that coppery scent, the whole room was full of the bitter iron stench of fear, darker than it had been previously.

"... You weren't supposed to see that." Leonardo said eventually, narrowed eyes fixated on some point in the middle distance. Other than his lips, nothing else on him moved.

"'S"alright," Raph coughed.

"No it isn't," Leo argued sharply, still glaring at the wall like it was the cause of his nightmares. "Weakness isn't excused just because you're asleep." His hand unwittingly grasped his scarred arm, and Raph's own cuts gave a sympathetic twinge.

 _Fuckin' Shredder._ It didn't even take a close look to see how deeply his abuse and influence clung to Leonardo and, by association, the limping mess of a relationship they were trying to stitch together, sticking to everything like scummy gum on the bottom of their feet.

"Who said ya had ta be strong now though?" Raph muttered darkly, half rhetorical. That actually seemed to stump Leo for a second. He closed his mouth with a loud click and stopped reflexively rocking, before shaking his head and grunting. He looked smaller than usual, like a caterpillar peeled out of its cocoon too soon or a little kid caught in the rain with no jacket. Paler than Raph, he looked even paler, near white.

Raph, (like a moron), chanced trying to touch him again, breathing a little easier when his hand wasn't bitten off. He laid his digits little by little on the sweat slicked plates on Leo's carapace and started kneading uncertain circles into the willowy designs, applying the only nightmare cure he'd ever known besides booze and binge cutting.

With each pass of his fingers, Leo de-stressed a bit more, and Raph felt like he was attempting to soothe a frightened wild animal. He wondered if that was how others felt around him a lot of the time.

_Oh, for sure._

_"_ I wish I could'a killed him," he grumbled, scooting closer on his knees.

"I don't need you to avenge me," Leo said stiffly.

"Doesn't mean I wouldn't'a," Raph shot back. "But ya killed him yerself, didn't ya? So he can't hurt ya anymore."

There was a small moment of silence. Leo moved restlessly under his touch and scrubbed at his bare face, wiping away the drying trails of his weakness. "The things he did, he did to a child. I am not that child." he growled, voice dropping low.

"Nightmares don't give a shit who ya are." Raph said gruffly. "I know that much."

"I'm sure you do," Leo returned bitterly. "But you aren't me."

"That's probly the dumbest shit ya've ever said," Raph snorted.

"Whatever," Leo snapped. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Raph seethed. "Fine then, don't." Just like Leonardo to be a jackass when all he was trying to do was help. It was harder than normal to be really annoyed at him when he was still shivering and shattered, though, so the irritation passed quickly. Half of him hated seeing this vulnerable side of the Foot Elite and wanted to never have known it existed. But the other half...

The other half had always known, kicked him in the head and told him how unfair that was because Leonardo had seen how fucked up he was too, and even tried to fix it kind of, so it was damn even.

"What was that you called me earlier," Leo started suddenly, jolting him out of his thoughts. "When you woke me up?"

If there were hairs on the back of Raph's neck, they would have been raised at his tone, slow and smoothly placid with an undertone of danger, like deep water. "Yer name?"

"No. It started with a B, I think." Leo said, still unsettingly calm.

Fuck. He knew he was in trouble but he had no idea why, and it wasn't the kind of trouble that excited him either. "Uhm... yeah, that was... It's just somethin' people say, ya know..." he sputtered. "Mah friend says it ta his girl all tha time, they been together a while-"

"Ah," Leo breathed, ice creeping into his voice. He nodded. "So it's something said to a girl."

Every alarm bell started ringing is his head. "No, n-not really-" Raph's words tumbled together and died on his tongue when Leo's hand formed a hard fist on his thigh.

"I'm sure you've never heard of Kando Chījī." Leo said, expression blank and words light. "He was a minor boss in the Yakuza." He tilted his head and turned dead, hollow eyes on Raphael. "Whenever he had me, he made me put flowers in my mask. He liked to pretend I was a girl."

Raph's gut lurched sickeningly. He gulped, and tasted bile in the back of his throat. "I..."

"I really hope you don't think that I'm the girl here," Leo finished. The warning was bright in his irises. "just because I let you fuck me. I really, really hope you haven't made that mistake." His mouth pulled up at the corners, smile empty and emotionless. "I do love you, but I told you before that if you ever try to force me again, or try to treat me like a girl, I'll kill you like I killed him. I'll hate it, but I'll do it."

Raph gaped at him, wondering how the fuck the conversation had gotten to this point and thinking _why the fuck is he always threatening me what the hell._ The familiar flames of anger licked at his heart in response, and he felt the venomous shout building in his bones. He was PISSED, pissed and hurt, bad, unable to believe that after everything, EVERYTHING they'd said and done, he'd been wrong about being trusted, and it felt like being hamstrung with a rusty knife.

The vehement FUCK YOU TOO THEN dangled on the tip of his tongue, even as he realized that the raw gleam in Leo's shaded eyes was more fear than anger, that he was shivering again. That nightmares had unburied the scared, injured kid that Leonardo used to be, and that was what he was faced with.

"Fuck you fer that," he gritted out, straining to keep his voice level. "How many times I gotta tell ya I ain't like them? I fucked up once," he snapped, guilt thickening in his stomach like rotten milk. "Once, an' Imma always be sorry about it, but I ain't sick an' I ain't stupid. I'd nevah hurt ya like that."

_Again._

They glowered at each other in chilly sullenness, somehow still glaring as they drifted back into each other's arms. "Dumbass," Raph huffed into his neck, earning an elbow to his solar plexus in retaliation. Thirty minutes or so passed where the only sound was their heartbeats while they waited for sleep to fade back in.

It never did, but somewhere in between using his heat to chase Leo's shivers away, a different kind of warmth flared to life that Raph took exactly three seconds to be ashamed about before Leo leaned down and kissed him forcefully, mouth cold and lips urgent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations
> 
> "Oji"- Uncle
> 
> "Yameru"- Stop
> 
> "Itai"- Hurts
> 
> "Oriru"- Get off


	46. Bump In The Night (PT 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raph gets plowed, and loves it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Guys... Something amazing has happened. This story has been nominated for the TMNT Mature Fiction Competition, and I need your help. But more on that in the end AN rant. For now, enjoy this smut.
> 
> EDITED! Sorry. You know me, always gotta change stuff.
> 
> Also, I'm not religious, but even I'm praying for Orlando, and I hope you're doing the same.)

The kisses tasted more desperate and demanding, more jagged and rough than the tentative, delicate things they'd been exchanging recently but different than the harsh, unfeeling slob fests before that.

The feeling was still there, but in the time it had taken Leo to layer his tongue heavy over Raph's and spear his bottom lip on his canines with a low growl, igniting fire in his blood, the affection had given way to challenge that tightened his veins and beckoned to the monster buried in his brain, drawing it to the forefront where it tangled with the thought that _this was bad, this was selfish, this wasn't the way to do this right now._

Was there a time limit on sex after nightmares? That seemed like something a better person might know without having to ask. He was just guessing, going out on a limb, but maybe, _just maybe_ , a rape dream wasn't meant to be chased with hardcore fucking.

And maybe he would have tried a little harder to say that, if he'd had any desire to pull away from the silken rough fingertips smoothing down and around the lines and curves of his straining muscles, leaving tingling swathes of goosebumps in their wake.

He did try though (however pathetically), squirming away from the sharp suction of Leonardo's kisses around his neck even as his body warmed and called for his touch. "W-wait- _m_ mm, L-Leo-...h-hold up," he gasped, squinting golden eyes helplessly at the pitted ceiling.

"Hhm?" Leo hummed, rocking against his hips in a way that was completely unfair. Every time Raph attempted to move, he redoubled his efforts to cement them closer together. Heat shot through Raph's lower body and he groaned, thoughts slipping from his mind like loose sand.

_Yesss...wait, fuck! No! Focus, damn it!_

"We should-" he breathed hard against the knee-weakening sensation of the other male slowly exploiting every sensitive place on his neck. "S-should go… bed. Back. We should g-go back to bed."

"I thought we were," Leo sniped lazily.

"N-not like that," Raph protested, struggling to keep the moan out of his voice. "Fuck, I mean...Ya w-were shakin'. I don't wanna..."

Leo drew away and scoffed a little, chuckling. "You had no problem earlier, when you folded me in half and fucked me until I came screaming."

A dark flicker thrilled through his belly, settling to throb slightly lower, because _yes, fuck, yes,_ he didn't think he'd ever forget it. "Ya w-wanted it then."

"I want it now." Leo drawled, delivering a hard pinch to his calf. His eyes narrowed to hard brown slits, somehow managing to look sensual and menacing all at once. "I wish you'd stop trying to be a good person and just do what I _want, now._ "

He gave Raph no room to argue or respond, kissing him eager and strong with the flat of his hand firm on the back of Raph's head. The cavern of his mouth was sun hot, but the rest of him was frigid like he'd been carved out of ice, still damp with sweat, and the contrast made Raph's head spin.

Around twenty five percent of him was still clinging to the idea of trying to not be awful in the next few seconds, and was quickly being shut out by the percent that marveled at how _cold_ Leonardo had become, concerned only with how to meet the demand being pressed into his lips- a demand to make Leo forget, make him burn where he was chilled, drive the nightmares out with heat and teeth and passion.

He didn't think it was possible for one person to make him both better and worse at the same fucking time, but clearly it was, as much sense as that DIDN'T make, like a drug addiction that somehow was good for him.

He let out a wrecked growl and felt Leo's incisors graze his collarbone when he smiled in satisfaction. All the resistance bled out of his cells and his shaky resolve disintegrated like a sandcastle, letting his body flop back against the rickety mattress at Leo's slightest push.

Raph watched, buzzing with electricity and arousal, as Leonardo brought his hand up to his mouth and laved his tongue messily over his fingers, then down to slip saliva warmed digits into his gaping slit, working his wrist with hard, precise jerks until Raph dropped down into his palm with a choked sound, already turning to putty beneath him as he stroked him to full hardness, gazes locked.

Raph rolled his pelvis into the tight, perfect grip, reaching around to the lip of Leo's shell to caresss his hole, finding him still dripping and open from a few hours ago. Even as he started to lose his head in the feeling of sword calluses gliding over his slickened head, he wasn't so far gone that he didn't register the miniscule cringe that jumped through the body over him, more of a twitch than anything else.

_Nope no no NOPE_

All dazed thoughts of possibly being ridden drained out his ears and he shifted instinctively, tearing irritated noises out of the both of them. A small fragment of Raph's higher functions came back and wrestled with his runny mind and agitated beast- there was a weird little confused struggle with himself and Leonardo, and when all of that ended, somehow they ended up with Leo's knee pressed up hard between his thighs, grinding his tail into his gland and making him whimper in his throat.

Leo cocked a dubious eyeridge down at him and slid his leg torturously back and forth, the wet sound it made causing both of them to flush with heat. His teeth gleamed when he smirked. "You're sure you want it like this now?" There was a sinister, feral catch in his question that promised pain and savagery, scratches and bites and pleasure so good it hurt, _because_ it hurt.

Raph shrugged and met his eyes unflinchingly, smothering his excitement before it could show itself in his own. "I ain't punking out, if that's what yer askin'."

Leo's smirk was slow and devious. "I didn't expect you to offer. I figured I'd have to...persuade you," he finished, tilting his head in faux innocence, sweetly evil.

Raph pulsed in his hand, stiffening with a shiver of want. "Fair is fair, right?" he said, breathless. Anything to drown out the nightmares, but he couldn't deny that _that_ wasn't the only reason he was waving a white flag, that he wanted it back just as hard as he'd been giving it out.

"Fair is fair," Leo parroted. Twisted glee bloomed in his irises, shifting their color from milky Hershey's bar to pure black coffee. He swept his rough thumb over the crown of Raph's swollen head and used his shoulder to brusquely wedge his legs further apart. Raph tensed instinctively, fighting him just for the hell of it, and grumbled when Leo spread them wide enough that they hung over the sides of the bed, exposing his dampness to the humid air.

His entire frame vibrated with anticipation for what was coming. He jumped a mile as Leo _blew_ on him, sudden and cold, right on his inflamed gland.

"J-jackass," he snapped. "Quit fuckin' teasin'." God, now _he_ was the one sounding like a girl. "Ya gonna fuck me or play with me?"

"You know I love to do both," Leo grinned. "Turn over, Raphael."

His stomach leapt. "Why?"

Blunt nails burrowed firmly into his backside, hot jolts of sensation that made his temperature spike. "Because you like it better that way." Leo said huskily.

_Trapped on his hands and knees, paralyzed, horny and helpless and vulnerable..._

_Fuck._ The memory had blood rushing in two distinct directions to two places, one of them almost rigid enough to burst, especially after getting a hard squeeze.

Leo shot him a warning glare. "Turn. Over." he repeated, daring him to argue again. Raph's mouth went chalky, and his heart broke into a gallop behind his ribs, but he slowly began rolling over onto all fours, facing the wall with his face the color of lava and pissed beyond pissed that he was both mortified and extremely turned on.

Leonardo hummed and shoved his knees aside manually, resulting in Raph having to fling his hands out in front of himself to keep his face from smacking against the headboard. His pissy bark of protest did nothing to stop Leonardo pushing his ass down into the bed, forcing his legs out even further until he trembled just to keep the position.

It left him on display and so fucking...vulnerable. He could feel Leo staring, cataloging every twitch in the muscles of his legs, every greedy clench of his hole. He buried his face deeper into the sheet and the realization of what was about to happen broke over him like ice water, making sweat prickle on his a skin but doing nothing to kill his arousal.

_He's really gonna fuck me. Fuck, I'm gonna get..._

He shivered. He wasn't scared, just... apprehensive. Yeah. "Get on with it, dammit."

Raph broke out in cold goosebumps as Leo circled around his entrance, snagging his nail on the thin puckered skin and chuckling at his wince. "Pushy."

Luckily for him, Leo didn't apparently feel like teasing too much. The first finger surged forward and into with a sharp, wet pop of pain and an ache that travelled the length of his spine, pushing a low _unf_ out of him as Leonardo turned a slick circle inside his rim with his thumb.

It was hell trying not to fall apart into a sobbing, squirming mess under an assault that he didn't realize how much he'd missed. It was humiliating and horribly hot, rocking back and forth as the one finger turned into two, close to what he needed but not...quite...

Push in, spread, pull out, curl, over and over, scraping against that spot in a way that left him speechless until the tip of his tail was touching his carapace and Raph was ready to howl with impatience, spitting abuse at the turtle behind him despite being the proverbial bitch by his own admission, knowing that Leonardo didn't have to listen to him at all. His eyes fought to roll back into his skull.

"Want this to go faster?" Leo purred by his earslit, sliding his fingers back until only the first joints remained inside. The lazy exploration he'd been indulging in was quickly abandoned as he started working his fingers with purpose without waiting for a reply.

"I a-ain't b-beggin'," Raph sneered, gulping back a helpless moan with the last of his defiance. Judging from the heat of Leo's body draped over his back and the sticky press of his iron hard cock on his thigh, he was just as eager, hopefully too jittery to play any games.

"This time," Leo promised. Raph felt a hand brace against his ass and another drag his tail out of the way, lining up. Anxiety knifed him once, blindingly, before Leo shoved in with no preamble, quick and deep, and Raph raced to smother his scream in the flesh of his forearm.

" **FU-"**

It was different, so damn different and so much better than the toy they'd used weeks ago. Leonardo was _warm_ , throbbing and alive where the toy was cold and unyielding. The same feeling of being pried apart in all directions from the inside was mostly the same, only magnified by ten, heat and hard flesh invading him and filling every inch of space inside him, pushing all the air from his lungs in an undignified, decidedly un-manly squeak.

" _Aah-aahgn-!"_

There was no excuse for how he arched his back and tilted his hips then, fucking just...presented himself without even thinking about it. Leonardo was _bigger_ too, than the toy, what felt like yards bigger. The intrusion burned like fire, intense and thick at its core and sparklingly bright around the edges.

Both an instant and a year later, Leo bottomed out with a harsh grunt, biting down viciously into the meat of Raph's shoulder. He spasmed at the pulse of pain when his skin broke. Hot liquid oozed down his arm, mingling the thick aromas of sex and blood in his nose and throat. Leonardo's cock fit to his shuddering insides like a hand to a glove, and Raph writhed and clenched around him, feeling completely owned, incapable of thinking anything in his dazed, imploding mind other than _his, mine, perfect, **yes, YES**._

Leo released his shoulder with a growl and licked a red, wet strip over his carapace, gasping. "Ah, Gods, R-Raphael, you feel amazing." He mouthed a violet bruise onto Raph's opposite shoulder. "Mmmm, I knew you would, I knew you'd love it like this..."

Raph blinked furiously against the pressure building up behind his eyes, He tried to yell at Leonardo to hurry the fuck up and _move_ , but the only thing that escaped was a strangled plea of his name. "M- _maah_ , L-Le..."

_Feels like he's in my fucking **stomach** , god-..._

Leonardo wrapped an arm around his middle, leaning back onto his heels. They moaned in unison as the last few inches sank in. He hooked a hand on the edge of Raph's carapace with the other still clenched around the back of his neck, nails digging into him and echoing the dull ripple of pain deep inside. Raph didn't say stop, wouldn't have ever, and Leo simply leaned further into him. He shifted his legs until he was balancing on Raph's straining calves, effectively pinning him from the top and bottom.

Then Leo started fucking him; long, splitting thrusts, shoving him face first into the bed with every motion, each snap of his hips driving his cock right to the edge of uncomfortably deep; fucking him hard enough that the headboard slammed against the wall on each push. There was nothing slow or gentle about it.

It was brutal and claiming, and Raph wouldn't have wished for it any other way.

He couldn't have begun to control the sounds escaping him if he wanted to, mouth open around ragged groans that chased each other on the way out of his throat, totally controlled by the pounding, consuming thrusts battering him again and again. The slight tingle of discomfort faded fast, leaving only choking pleasure.

"Oh-god, god, oh-god, uh-n, ye-ah, o-o-oh, fu!- _uh!_ -uck!..."

He struggled to drag in a substantial breath and lost it in a huge shudder and shout as Leonardo's angle changed to ram ferociously into his spot, making his whole body go numb and lighting it on fire all at once. "S-shit, oh-fuck, AH-! H-hit-it, r-right- th-there...c-come on, come on-!" He yelped when Leo buried himself even deeper ( _and fuck, how was **that** possible?),_ holding and rolling his hips, sending sparks and shockwaves straight to Raph's weeping cock. "Sh-shit!"

_Never knew it was this good. Never knew..._

He felt sweat dripping onto his skin that wasn't his. Leo moaned and huffed behind him, head thrown back while he drove forward relentlessly. Raph could feel the bruises rising under the tightening grip on his hips as his body sang with each hard stroke, knocking noises out of his chest. All he could do was pant and plead and encourage him _more, deeper, faster, harder,_ flashing hot and cold like a broken stove top.

_'Yes, fuck, I love this, I love you, don't stop, fuck don't stop...'_

He had no idea if that was all in his head or out loud (probably the latter), but it didn't even matter. Leo hit his spot like it was a bell at a carnival. Raph melted, slumping down onto the bed as much as his shell would allow with his forehead on his arms and the comforter balled in his fists, sucking for air against the spit damp sheet.

There was anger in those thrusts, and resentment; painful memories fueling each ruthless plunge, and Raph took it all like that was his purpose in life, absorbed the pain and the anguish as it was heaped on him and in him. Leonardo had stamina like a motherfucker, and after a while the uncaring viciousness of the pounding edged to the wrong side of intense. While he didn't want it to end, he could feel the pain growing. The muscles in his bottom half were screaming from the bad treatment, as much as the rest of his body begged for it to continue. He held out for as long as he could, chewing on his knuckles.

He felt his own body thrashing, forcing himself back onto the hard length buried inside him for all he was worth, and the resulting tightness made Leonardo grit his teeth and snarl, his voice sounding quiet in comparison to the racket Raph made.

"T-too good. Too g-good, gods, you're too g-good. _Aahh, Monsūta..."_

Raph grabbed for himself and started pumping- he didn't know how much more he could take- he felt his muscles convulsing wildly, before a second set of fingers curled around his swaying erection and began to tug, working the coil in his abdomen until it broke and he _came,_ stunned and delirious with the intensity, soaking the ratty pillows.

"C-cum- cumm-ming, c-cuh- fuh!-A _h-! Fuck!"_

Three thrusts later and Leonardo followed with a loud curse, bringing their bodies as close as they could come and bursting scaldingly hot inside of him, a completely different sensation that wrung a few more blissful shivers out of Raphael before the edges of fuzzy darkness creeped into his vision, dragging them both down until they separated from each other, rag doll limp and half gone before their heads hit the bed.

The next time he drifted out of sleep to find himself entangled with someone else, that someone else was warm as could be, still and pliant, wrapped around his torso with his shell to the door and a sleepy little smile on his beak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Holy crap guys. So this nomination is really huge for me right now, but I'm scared because the contest is FULL of heavy hitters and amazing artists competing against MY crappy typo filled story, like freaking hummerhouse and Orangebarmy and SLEEPINGSEEKER, who is my author idol and partly inspired this thing you're reading currently.
> 
> I'm running for "best overall erotic fic" and "sexiest Leo", and peeps, I would love it if you headed over to Tumblr and voted once the ballot opens. I'll probably lose, but please please PLEASE VOTE, give me a fighting chance maybe? Honorable mention?
> 
> Link: [Ballot And Story List](http://tmntmaturefanficcomp.tumblr.com/)


	47. Vroom Vroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Leo takes Raph on a ride, and gets taken on one himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Wanted to put this out on the fourth, but I've been traveling like a fiend. This is late, but it's also long.
> 
> Last chapter has been re-edited to remove typos and add details to the smut, and also add some fluff feels at the end. You're both a blessing and a curse, Cheesebad LOLZ, basically my beta in all but title.
> 
> Translations and bike picture at the end!)

Late afternoon a few days later found Raphael in the garage, on his knees in a puddle of oil and bolts with a welding mask plastered to his face, holding an electric buffer and running it in swift passes over the already gleaming finish on his bike.

The thing was loud despite being small and handheld, and he had his earbuds jammed in, so it wasn't much of a surprise that he missed the grinding screech of the garage door scraping open, or his brother's footsteps as they drew closer, or even the calls of his name until Donatello's hand darted into his field of restricted vision and waved him out of his trance, startling him enough to almost drop the buffer and polish a layer of skin off his knee.

"Christ, Don," he griped, pushing up the mask with the back of his wrist and yanking out an earbud with a finger. "Can I get a little warning next time?"

Donatello gave him a half irritated look. "I gave you plenty warning. I called you ten times at least. Sensei is trying to meditate, and he has a headache besides, so maybe try to keep it down."

Raph's expression soured slightly. Funny how whenever Donnie started banging around with his nerd machines no one ever said a word, but if he so much as tightened a screw, Splinter acted like he was setting off a fireworks show in the living room.

"Anything else, mom?" he grumbled. "Mikey wanna chime in too?"

"He probably would if he wasn't locked in his room," Donnie replied, gracefully side stepping the insult. "He's been drawing a lot lately- I think he said something about becoming a manga artist and making us secret millionaires?" He shrugged and chuckled a little. "Too much Love Stage anime, I guess."

Raph grunted and reached for the grimy rag on the bench beside him. "That Japanese junk April watches?" he asked. "Yeah, probly, tha Netflix is full of- wait," he said, glancing up and staring blankly. "Isn't that about two guys?"

Did that mean that Michelangelo...?

Donnie gave him an incredulous hazel side eye for a good ten seconds. "Yes," he said slowly, "which makes sense, since it's  _Mikey_ watching it."

Raph's blush ate up his natural skin tone all the way down to the tops of his shoulders. He'd heard Mikey make comments about guys before, but he'd always figured he was joking around like usual.

"I ain't know he was... like that," he muttered, focusing on scrubbing oily fingerprints from his bike and spontaneously trying not to combust from embarrassment.

_Hypocrite much, dumbass?_

Now that he was thinking about it though, Raph didn't think he was. Human guys just didn't do it for him, never had much anyway, and human girls were still just okay, but they didn't really get him going anymore either. Truthfully, the only person- mutant- he'd ever felt actual desire for was...

 _Never, never tell Leo that._ He'd never hear the end of it.

Outside of his head, Donatello was still talking, and Raph forced himself to tune back in.

"- a little surprising. He's not exactly hiding it."

Raph made a wordless noise that he hoped translated into 'please let's not talk about this shit anymore'. Thinking about Mikey like that was just too damn weird. "'Scuse me fer not makin' it my business ta know what he's jerkin' it to."

His brother frowned at that, and to Raph's horror, a thoughtful clouded his beak. He drew his lower lip into his mouth and rocked back on his heels, looking for all the world like he was about to ask  _it._

Thankfully, after another short glare that basically said Raphael was the most frustrating thing in the universe, Donatello let the topic drop and sighed silently. "About what time will you be done? I need to use the welding mask."

"'M done now," Raph told him, taking off the mask in question completely and standing up. "Just needed ta get the last few dents an' dings out."

"Finally finished, huh?" Donatello echoed, crouching to inspect the vehicle and grinning a little while he did it. "It looks good." For everything that they disagreed on, machines wasn't one of them. They were both gear heads, albeit in different areas, which never failed to bring them together on at least some levels.

"I know," Raph smirked, chest warm with pride for his baby. There was no room for modesty when something he made looked that nice, glossy and showroom ready, practically sparkling in the dingy overhead light.

Donatello peered closer. "The green looks different. Did you change the paint?"

He had, on a random whim, altered the green in the paint job from bright flashy lime highlights to something a little more subtle and moderate. Even if he didn't know why at the time.

"Yeah, I uh, did. Thought it might be a nice change."

"It is," Donnie agreed. "It looks more mature." He stood up and cleared his throat. "I'm guessing you're planning on riding it later."

"Pretty much," Raph confirmed.

The frown came back, and it lingered for a few seconds while Donatello swallowed more of his words.

"Just... be careful, okay?" Donnie said finally, and Raph smirked.

"When am I not, Don?"

His brother pinned him with a witheringly flat look. "Want me to list the incidents chronologically or by level of severity?"

Raph lobbed the mask hard at his face in retaliation and watched him walk away with a lighter heart, counting the conservation as a win since it didn't dissolve into another argument. That was all they seemed to have, these days.

He turned back to the bike and continued to rub the rag over the gleaming finish for any missed smudges. He didn't exactly feel chipper, but completing his project had put him in a good mood. Nothing like the dangerous, soaring highs- a nice, natural happiness that was rare for him most days.

It barely took him three minutes to figure out what to do with that good mood, and three seconds after that for the burner to appear in his hand.

**«Hey.»**

The reply was quick in coming, and just as short-

**«Wait.»**

-which, in Leonardo code, meant he was either busy, or that he was somewhere being on the phone was dangerous. Raph huffed a resigned sigh and went to pick the rag back up, but stopped when the tiny phone screen lit up with green and a silently flashing phone emoji.

His heart leapt a little higher in his chest. They hadn't spoken voice to voice in a while, even late at night. It wasn't the same as speaking face to face, but there was something strange that happened to Leonardo's voice over the phone that always made it sound like he'd just gotten up- or just gotten off- that he liked a whole hell of a lot.

It probably had something to do with the fact that the first ever time he'd heard Leo's voice over the phone, he'd been halfway through cumming on a vibrator.

"H'lo?"

 _ **"*You always pick the worst times to try and talk to me.*"**_ Leo lamented in response, quiet and gravelly-smooth over the line that sent shivers rolling down Raph's back bone.

"Ain't like I got ESP over here, Leo." Raph drawled, flicking his eyes at the door to make sure he was still alone. "What were ya doin', anyway?"

Leo snorted in his ear _. **"*Three guesses.*"**_

"But ya do more than train, right?" Raph challenged.

Leonardo made an offended sound that he loved.  _ **"*As opposed to bumbling around the sewer all day?*"**_

"Dick. I do important shit." Raph argued, twisting the stained cloth around his dirty hands.

_**"*Oh, like?*"** _

"Uh."  _Damn._  'Protecting the city from you and your family' didn't really fit there. "I finished my bike?" he tossed out. He expected to hear some sort of derisive comment, so he was surprised when Leo's tone hiked up in interest.

_**"*Really?*"** _

"Yeah, why?"

_**"*Maybe I want to see it.*"** _

Raph blinked, wondering if he'd heard that right. "I don't think this thing sends good pictures-"

 ** _"*Not like that, Raph,*"_**  Leo interrupted, with the air of someone saying  _you're so dumb, but I love you anyway, even though you're dumb. **"***_ _ **Later tonight, ride it out here.*"**_

"Oh. I mean, uh... really?"

 _ **"*Yes, really.*"**_  There was a muddled noise on the other end, and a scrambled, foreign sentence that he couldn't make out before Leo was responding with a cold, clipped command. _ **"*I have to go. I'll see you later.*"**_

Raph tried to make sure he didn't sound too disappointed. "Kay. Um..." A part of him wanted to just say it, but if he did it over the phone, it would become something he just  _did,_ and it might not mean anything anymore. "Bye. I, ah..." He mumbled something unintelligible.

 _ **"*I'm sorry, what was that?*"**_  Leonardo crowed, pouncing on his hesitation immediately.

Raph ground his teeth together, feeling a vein pulsing in his neck. " _Love ya_ , okay? Now shut up an' get off tha phone."

 **"*** **Onaji** _ **,*"**_  Leonardo snickered back, clearly laughing at him.  _ **"*Goodbye,**_ **Koibito** _ **.*"**_

Raph closed the phone on his chuckles and started wiping down the bike in earnest, simultaneously annoyed and excited.

* * *

Splinter had already said that he could ride his bike once the sun went down, so Raphael didn't even have to try and sneak out.

The seat welcomed him like an old friend when he finally settled down into it, wrapping around him like it missed him. The motorcycle purred to life when he twisted the key and gunned the engine with no strange pops or stammers in the flow of air.

His adrenaline had started to build up even before he flipped up the kickstand and rolled to the mouth of the garage, and by the time he reached the tunnel that merged out onto the surface, it felt like a water balloon swollen and sloshing in his stomach.

It burst when he hit the gas for real, tearing out of the sewers and onto the streets, flooding his veins with giddy excitement and forcing a satisfied whoop out of him as he carved a high speed path through the city.

It felt like flying, like a drugless high, freedom that had no goddamn equal at least to him. It was almost like dreaming without having to be asleep, zooming past everyone and everything with a swooping sensation in his gut, part of it but outside of it at the same time. Nothing could hurt him or judge him on his cycle, nothing could touch him, except for the wind buffeting his face past his all concealing helmet. He was faster than it all, better than it all.

Riding his cycle, Raphael felt like king of the fucking world.

Time had a tendency to fall away when he rode, so he didn't really know how long it took him to reach the motel. When he eventually did pull around to the back of the building, Leonardo was already there, posted against the wall and waiting for him. He idled to a stop and cut the ignition, turning in time to see the other male coming towards him with a grudgingly impressed look on his beak.

"Wow," Leo started, both eye ridges raised, running his gaze appreciatively over the bike and it's rider. "That's... Wow."

"What'dja expect, a tricycle with a motor?" Raph asked, dismounting to meet him and lifting off his helmet.

"Not exactly," Leo said. "I didn't think it would look like this, though." He circled around the other side of the bike, still staring, and the pride from earlier snuck back in, ten times warmer than before. "You seriously built this?"

Raph shrugged bashfully, turning his helmet over in his hands. "Yeah. Took a year ta get the frame together, an' another ta put everything in and make it look nice."

Leo trailed his fingers over the handlebars and glanced up at him coyly, gesturing with his chin to the vacant seat. "Can I?"

Raph bit his lip, reluctant to say yes out of instinct. No one else had ever ridden except for him. It was the last thing was truly his, since his body, heart and mine increasingly belonged to a certain someone else.

"I didn't mean ride it," Leo backtracked, quickly picking up on his hesitation. "I just meant could I sit."

Oh. Duh. "Y-yeah, go 'head." He watched Leo fling a leg over the bike and slide onto the seat like he was an old pro.

Raph thought he would look lost and awkward on it, but surprisingly he almost seemed made for it, matched perfectly with the aggressive black curves and subtle chrome accents and rolled black leather seat. His knee brushed against the front panel through a rip in his oversized jeans, and Raph realized with a bloom of warmth in his stomach what the new green streaks were inspired by.

He looked damn good, actually, straddling a very powerful motorcycle and looking incredibly comfortable there.

"You've never thought about doing this professionally?" Leo asked, drawing Raph's attention away from the cradle of his legs around the cycle.

"Ya kidding? Have ya seen me?" he replied. He had, a long time ago. Finding someway to fix and build bikes for cash in secret...the fantasy was nice, if impossible

Leo shrugged. "I'm just saying, you're good at this." He leaned forward, shoulders hunching and tone turning wistful. "I'd love to have a talent like that."

Raph's eye ridges furrowed in confusion. That coming from somebody that was basically a walking Google translate and could kill somebody with a paperclip and a stick of gum? "What tha hell're ya talking about? Yer a one mutant army."

Leo laughed bitterly. "The only thing I'm good at is killing things. That, and laying on my back."

Raph flinched, cursing the Foot Clan under his breath. "That ain't all." he murmured. Leonardo ignored him in favor of studying the bike more, and somewhere down deep in his mind Raphael swore to himself that if there was ever any way to get Leonardo out from under Shredder, any opportunity, he would take it.

Leonardo spoke up again after a few more seconds of painful awkwardness, clearly making an effort to sound unaffected. "Controlling this thing looks complicated." he said, fiddling with the ignition switch.

"It ain't, really," Raph told him, taking the out he offered like a coward. "I could teach ya in ten minutes, prob'ly less."

"Mmhm. If you trusted me to ever drive it, that is." Leo countered. Raph glared half heartedly at him, crossing his arms. "If yer askin', then ask."

"Would you?" Leo smiled, the expression his face not quite childish enough to be classified as puppy eyes, but that broke Raph down all the same. He rolled his eyes and stomped around to the back of the bike.

"Move up," he ordered, sitting down behind Leo and scooting closer so that their thighs were flush against each other. "Listen. This-" Raph started, tapping the handle on Leo's right, "-is tha throttle. Crank it toward ya to give ya a boost if ya need it. Silver bar in front it is tha front wheel brake. Keep two fingers on it at all times, and keep yer thumb on the handlebar to steer."

That had been tricky for him, when he'd first started, figuring out how to drive something made for five fingers with only three. Leonardo adjusted his grip beneath Raph's and nodded for him to continue.

"Wanna shift Down, put yer foot on top of tha gear shifter an' press down. Fer Up, do tha same thing, 'cept, ya know, up." he grumbled, and Leo huffed, no doubt rolling his eyes where he couldn't see him.

"Oh, wow. I never would have guessed," Leo drawled.

Raph made a face at the back of his head and pushed hard on his arm. "Quit bein' a smartass and pay attention." He tapped the side of Leo''s right foot with his own. "This bar controls tha rear wheel brake. Don't slam on either of tha brakes." He pointed swiftly up to the bar in front of the handle on the left. "And this is tha clutch. Hold it down with two fingers when ya start and then let up on it. If ya let it go too quick, the bike's gonna flip, and then I'm gonna have ta beat yer ass."

"As if." Leo snorted, glancing over his shoulder scornfully.

"I don't think ya get how important this thing is to me." Raph rumbled, scowling.

"I get it," Leo replied, tone mollifying. Then the corner of his mouth turned up, and a teasing edge crept into his words. "But say there was me, this bike, and an oncoming train..."

"Then I'd ride tha bike ta yer funeral," Raph retorted flatly, immediately having to swerve his neck to avoid a swift headbutt in retaliation. "Anyway, one last thing- tha clutch controls tha power ta the rear wheel," he explained, moving Leo's hand to the left handlebar.

"Ta cut tha power, all ya need ta do is squeeze. Ya got all that?" he asked nervously, uneasy all over again. His stomach was twisting itself into antsy knots. He hoped like hell Leonardo was a fast learner, otherwise this was going to end in fucking disaster for everybody involved, his bike included.

The only saving grace they had was that he could just barely reach the engine kill switch from where he sat, if things called for that. He recovered his helmet from the ground and put it back on with a hurried prayer.

"I'm not an idiot, Raph. I can follow instructions." Leo shot back, leaning up to twist the keys and flip the ignition once his own hood was up and secured tightly around his chin, hiding his face. The bike snarled awake like it had been waiting impatiently for them to give the go ahead, leaping forward at the smallest press on the gas. Raph yelped and plastered himself to Leonardo's back as they took off, gunning the throttle, racing down the narrow lane and kicking up huge clouds of dust.

After a few seconds passed and they hadn't spun out into a fiery death, Raphael started to relax a little bit and enjoy the ride. Leo had listened to everything he'd said, and soon they were speeding away from the quiet motel and towards the lights and sounds of downtown.

Eventually he started to do more than just enjoy it. Not being in the driver's seat let him focus on more than the road, on things like how warm Leo was even through the layer of sweat damp denim separating them, sliding and grinding against his groin with every bump they rolled over.

The thrumming of the engine started at his core and traveled up his spine, branching out languidly to the rest of his body until he was humming pleasantly all over. The feeling grew and grew the longer and further they blitzed along with his nose buried in the back of Leo's neck, ( _n_ _o damn way the mixture of sword polish and hot oil should've had him swooning like a chick)_  until it got to the point where Raph barely managed to stifle half of a moan at the hot vibrating sensation of the engine beneath him mixed with the firmly toned form of Leonardo in front of him.

_Please don't have heard that. Please don't have heard that._

The bike started to slow and angle for the side of the road, pulling away from the street completely until they came to a stop a few feet into the mouth of an alley. Raph was loose limbed and light headed as he moved back in the seat, struggling to get both his breathing and his monster under control.

Leo twisted around with a smirk, a flush of rosy brown high on his face. "Not too bad? I see why you like this thing so much." He put the kickstand down and propped himself very, VERY deliberately on the handlebars, legs wide and swinging in what was, to Raphael's adrenaline addled beast, basically a 'come and get it'. He made a less than civilized noise before he smashed their mouths together in a ravenous kiss past the visor of his helmet.

He balled his fingers up in the fabric of Leo's hoodie and started to pull, not caring that they were technically in public. All he knew was that he was hungry and wanting, burning under his clothes to to feel every inch of his skin sliding against Leo's, putting out the flames of the fire that he'd been fanning all evening with that frigging innocent act and those goddamn brown eyes.

"You really want to do this here?" Leonardo panted when they pulled back.

 _Here, there, anywhere. "_ Yeah."

"Someone could see," Leo pointed out, before Raph locked his teeth around his collarbone.

Fuck  _someone._ "Don't care. Let 'em see," Raph growled, working a throbbing hickey into the underside of his jaw. He wouldn't give a shit if Splinter, Shredder, and Jesus himself was watching.

Leo shivered under his tongue, dark laughter mingled into the reflex. " _Mmnnhgh_...h-how do you want it?"

"Dunno," Raph rasped, mouth dry at the thought of getting fucked over his own motorcycle. His irises flashed brightly over the bottom ridge of the helmet. "Why don't'cha suck me off till I figure it out?"

Leonardo shoved his head away brusquely, but started to dismount all the same. "I don't know why I keep rewarding your terrible manners," he huffed. He slid to the ground, hitting his knees in the dirt right next to the bike.

Raph swung his leg over so that he was sitting to the side, damnear bouncing in excitement. "C-cause ya love me?"

"Parts of you," Leo retorted, deftly undoing his zipper and rubbing a sweat slick palm over his protruding hardness until he dropped fully. "One part in particular." He licked his lips and slitted his eyes, thumbing the glistening crown until Raph shook. "This turns you on,  _monsutā?_  Thinking about me holding something fast between my legs, something sleek and powerful? Taming it?"

The velvet rough timbre of his voice alone was enough to have Raph's toes curling by his hips, cock growing and pulsing until the tip swayed a breath away from his mouth. Raph grabbed for his mask and pushed his head down with a pleading whimper, muffling a near scream as his wish was granted. Leo descended on him so easy and familiar, but Raph didn't think he'd ever get used to the burning wetness, the tight suction engulfing him.

The bike seat creaked his grip as Leo slurped him down, his head bobbing down to the root before drawing back to the head, tongue caressing and then dashing across the slit in a flutter that rendered him unable to think or speak. The visor of his helmet filled with fog from his hard exhales that quickly turned into moans when he felt himself getting drawn to the back of Leo's throat, felt him swallowing and sucking rhythmically around his length.

"G-god-d- _damn_ ," he hissed, letting his neck roll back and his eyes close. Raph bucked up in tiny tremors, grinding his teeth against the resulting stab of arousal when he heard Leonardo gagging and felt the hot dribbles of saliva that leaked past his jaw to soak into his jeans.

_How in the **fuck** does he do this so good?_

Leo's teeth skated along the thick vein running down the underside of Raph's cock, and they both groaned as he jerked into the sharp flare of perfect pain that danced over his nerves, heightened by the vibrations on his flesh. He was tingling everywhere, too close too fast, and the knot in his gut was slipping with each soft gulp and hard nip.

Leo's cheeks hollowed as the slick pressure of his mouth yanked pleasure out of Raphael that was so searing it put everything into sharp relief. He felt each ridge of Leo's palate as his cock skidded across them, the texture of his tastebuds as he rode along his tongue.

He looked down and saw Leo wrap a hand around the bottom of his erection, squeezing hard to stave off his peak in an echo of the ring's pressure. He pulled back to lavish long, sweeping licks around the first few inches. Raph noticed that he had his other hand working between his own legs, the large bulge in his pants making it clear he'd dropped as well. Leo paused when he noticed he was being stared at and let him slip out all the way, the sight of his lips glimmering in the glow of the dingy streetlight overhead enough to make Raph's blood boil.

He dragged Leo back up and onto the bike, basically in his lap, kissing him hard before he could speak and tasting his own musk on the other male's tongue. He opened his mouth for Leo's fingers when they were pressed against his cheek with a smirk, grunting in surprise when the saltiness of precum he expected turned out to be the sticky sweetness of gland slick.

Time blurred for a bit, and Raph wouldn't exactly remember how later, but somehow both they and the bike ended up against the alley wall, grinding against each other in a chaotic, hungry tangle of tongues hard enough to cover their skin with brick dust.

The back of Raph's skull tingled, and all of his nerves were alive, tension trapped in his body that only wanted one outlet. He tugged at Leo's belt loops while worrying a permanent imprint of his teeth in his neck, nostrils swamped in arousal and pupils constricted to nearly nothing. "Get these off." Raph snarled, "Get em' off. Yer wearing too damn much."

"Then do something about it, Hamato. Take the helmet off, at least."

It clattered into the gravel by their feet in the next second, leaving his mouth more free to leave marks down the line of Leo's arm.

"I n-never took you f-for an e-exhibitionist," Leo breathed, struggling to get the words out past Raphael's attentions. His eyes jumped to the side, towards the street. "G-gods, if they see us..."

Raph was long past caring, but the thought stoked the fire in his belly to a new height- Shredder catching wind of his mortal enemy screwing his precious son in an alley like a two buck whore. "So what? Ya don't want daddy ta hear about ya screamin' my name?" He felt Leo's blush instead of seeing it.

The button on Leo's pants finally broke under Raph's impatient fingers, but they only had the time to slide halfway down his thighs before he was being hoisted up the wall. One leg found its way instinctively around Raph's waist, and Leo used the leverage he had on Raph's shoulder to push himself up even higher.

"Ya were p-planning this, w-weren't ya? Th-thinkin' bout g-gettin' it like this all day." Raph asked, panting through gritted molars, pulling him back, both whining as his cock was surrounded by dripping heat.

Leo's head thunked back on the brick. "Y-yes,  _oh yes_ , n-need you..." he choked, straightening on his perch, rolling his hips forward and shivering with delight at the feel of a thick cock buried deep. "W-want you inside me, here ag-against the wall." He looked drunk, like something had come over him. Watching him, Raph felt an overwhelming sense of power from being able to tear him down to just pure and basic want.

He shifted, drove him up higher, and Leo practically yelled, his cock jerking heavy against Raph's stomach. Raphael made sure his grip was tight and started fucking him into the wall with barely a pause, see-sawing in and out with deep, sure strokes, rocking forward and back on his heels to the tempo of Leonardo's moans.

Cars, the occasional shout, a horn, music coming from somewhere in the distance - all of it faded away beneath the noises of breathing and begging and the wet slaps of skin on skin. Raphael could barely manage to cling onto his sanity, his own body reduced to blinding sensations.

"Uuhm, y-yes _M-monsutā, motto, motto-!"_

Leonardo curved into his thrusts with relish, one leg balanced precariously on the handlebars and the other thrown over Raph's shoulder, demanding more through his keening. Their movements made the bike shudder and rock beside them. Colored spots erupted in Raph's vision when he felt him suddenly clench and spasm, gasping out and raking his nails hard over the back of Raph's neck and down his shell, leaving welts that burned deliciously afterwards to let him know he'd found what he needed to hit.

"Sh-shit, s-so good an' tight on me. Aahhh, f-fuck..."

He ended up timing his hard pounds to the equally hard twists of Leo's fingers over his spurting cock, each pop of the swollen violet head through his fingers making his toes curl into the back of Raph's shell.

Raphael only fucked him rougher and faster, soaked in sweat beneath his remaining clothes and at the mercy of his every little sound. Leonardo fought him on the way out and fought him on the way back in with every thrust, forcing him to push his way past his seizing walls with greater effort and clawing moans out of him in turn. His chest was on fire, organs working overtime except for his lust drowned brain. The one single thought that managed to circulate was how absolutely filthy this was, but instead of shame it made his mind go blank with carnal, beastly satisfaction, growls and inhuman sounds the only thing he could formulate.

Leonardo's climax caught them off guard in the same instant, locking him up and flowing out of him with no warning at all besides a blissful, strangled moan, striping them both with wide streaks of clear white fluid. Face to face, Raphael watched the changing emotions on his beak, the way he brought his hips up to meet his thrusts, the way his body jerked with each wave of pleasure, all for him.  _For_  him, and  _because_  of him-

He felt himself jerk, his whole body tightening, the last strands of his self-control slipping though his fingers like water. "A-ah- I-"

The sharp, silky vice of Leo's orgasm clamping down had Raph finally finding his release, coming so hard all he could hear was the flow of blood in his ears, every muscle abruptly uncoiling so fast he thought he might pass out.

When it ended, he found himself hugging the other male to him, close enough that he could feel his heartbeat vibrating against his plastron. They broke apart slowly, bit by bit, their faces hovering together, stealing the other's air.

"Mm..." Leo purred, trailing shaky fingers over Raph's carapace. One hand slid up, scratching at his scalp, sending wisps of pleasure slithering down his spine to mingle with the lingering aftershocks, and the other traveled down to brush lightly along his thigh, crawling under and into his hoodie to stroke the ridges of his plastron. "Best yet."

Raphael nuzzled into his shoulder, dizzily thinking he'd never get used to it, never stop being amazed by how good it felt, being touched like that, being loved that way,, wanting it to never end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations
> 
> Ore mo: Same, Ditto.
> 
> Koibito: Love, Lover.
> 
> Motto: More
> 
> Again, these are purely translate entries. I am not now nor have I ever been Japanese, so if they're wrong I apologize.
> 
> Fun fact, Raph's pet name was almost Cariño, which means Sweetie or Honey in Spanish, but I went with Japanese instead.
> 
> The bike! It is below, a custom Ducati Streetfighter and the closest I could get to the image in my head irl, which is pretty damn close actually.


	48. VICTORY CHAPTER

HOLY SHIT GUYS!!!

I WON THE FREAKING COMPETITION!!!

And I realize I might be making more of a big deal about this contest on tumblr than it really is, but I'm EXCITED DAMNIT!

I legitimately almost cried when I saw I had won. I got Second place in sexiest Leo, and FIRST FREAKING PLACE in Overall Erotic fic, edging out SLEEPINGSEEKER AND HUMMERHOUSE BOTH!

I'm over the moon. I'm over the SUN, but here comes the cliche part- I seriously couldn't have done it without you guys.

Maybe you don't feel this way in return, but I feel like WE won, with all the support and feedback you guys give me constantly. You're literally the reason I keep writing this thing. 

I'm... Stunned. I expected fourth or fifth place, maybe third at best, but...

Thank you. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. Gracias. I can't say it enough, or in enough languages. 

Whooo... deep breath. Okay. So from what I understand, I'm supposed to receive two fanarts for placing in first and second in these categories. As soon as I do, I'll post them here with full credit to the illustrators so everybody can see them.

Still crying. Thank you. 


	49. The Way you Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which...author has no explanation once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: EDITED!
> 
> Thought you'd seen the last of me, eh?
> 
> Sorry this is so super UPER UNACCEPTABLY late, but I've been stupidly busy, doing college things and traveling way too much. Frankly I'm exhausted, but I will see this thing though to the end, if you're still with me, cause we're almost there. Also, next chapter will see the return of rapid fire plot.
> 
> And yes, I will explore Leo's rape more, just not NEXT next.
> 
> Things drift back to the...kinkier side of the story here. If the title wasn't enough of a clue, WARNINGS for "sounding" and bondage, and the appearance of dubious consent. There be no safe words here, because...Foot!Leo, duh. Dark fluff, I guess?)

"If you don't shut up, I'll have to make you, and it'll be a lot less nice than the way I did it before."

The frigid bite in Leonardo's command should've turned Raphael's blood to ice, but added to the position he was trapped in, kneeling and half straddling the length of the motel bed, lashed down with so many different ropes and ties it looked like he was trapped in some kind of immense spider web, blindfolded and unable to wiggle more than an inch in any direction -the name of this one was kinky, 'Subjugated Servant' or some shit- and the state of his body, drenched in sweat and literally steaming with arousal, Leo's steely demand only increased the tongues of heat burning away at Raph's senses.

He was indeed making noises that he couldn't completely stifle, and he would have had an easier time keeping his whimpers behind his desperately pursed lips if Leonardo wasn't working him ruthlessly open with  _something_ out of that godforsaken bag, something that fit on the end of his finger and was covered in little rubber feelers that tickled and stroked with every twitch of Leo's hand and each spastic clench of Raph's hole.

_Fuck that bag and everything in it._

Yeah, literally.

Raph heard Leonardo  _tsk_  disapprovingly from behind him, and felt him screw his finger ever deeper. His entire muscular system strained to escape the intrusion, but the ropes held blessedly firm, chafing roughly against his feverish skin in just the right way. Short of finding a way to make the damn things disintegrate, Raph was utterly stuck, getting harder every second he realized that he was completely at his lover's mercy.

The construction workers were outside again, just a few floors down, and if they heard anything... Heard HIM...The knowledge only made it that much harder to keep quiet.

"Quit sounding so pathetic. This is your fault, after all." Leo told him dispassionately, sounding totally unaffected by his task, despite the fact that the scent of Raph's desperation was fogging up the dingy windows, and he was slicked down to his wrist with a glimmering coat of it. "You had to try and fight me..."

And it was Raph's fault. He'd had another bad day, worst than most, going off like a fire cracker at anyone close enough when the fuse ignited. Against all better judgment, he'd gone along with meeting that night, and rather than recoil from his anger, Leonardo had... responded, enthusiastically, with cold words and vicious blows, iron-bound domination that Raphael hated him for almost as much as he loved it.

It couldn't have been more perfectly timed, really. Even with all the lovey shit they'd admitted to, it didn't change the fact that at the core, they were monsters. They still needed to destroy each other sometimes, break the other down so deeply and wreck them until they were too fucked up physically to feel it inside.

The healing came later, when they fixed what they broke, helped the other recover from the damage they'd dealt. It was selfish and awful, but it worked.

Leo needed the control. He'd never really recovered from what his rapist took from him. It was like a crumbling wall inside him, chipping away more and more and finally shattering around the fourth or fifth time Raph topped him. It turned him cold and icy, desperate to regain control again in any way possible. Raph could give him that, because he could take the hurt.

And Raph...Raphael needed Leo to force the beast back down into submission, suffocate it and sate it in a way medicine never could.

_Ain't we just a perfect match..._

Raph yowled as another brutally slow, hard push into his spot made his groin rub painfully against the bed, forcing his pulsing erection into the mattress, the friction causing his head to spin. "S-shit, oh shit-" he moaned, the bottom half of his face muffled in the sheets and padding.

 _Fuck, fuck, FUCK..._ He was so fucking close, and they'd barely started...

Leonardo pulled back briefly, and Raph could feel the fire in his gaze even without being able to see his eyes. Leo's nails bit down around a patch of skin on Raph's hip to get his attention- half scratch, half pinch, all pain. "What did I say? Cum, and this will get so much worse for you."

Raph felt like screaming. He'd been told not to cum, but there was no way he was going to succeed without the ring on, and Leonardo KNEW that. Darkness cut with flares of jagged pleasure pressed down on him from all sides, magnified by his sightlessness and helplessness and the stream of debilitating filth Leonardo was spouting.

"I wish you could see this," Leo breathed, toying absently with Raph's rim, pumping his finger so that the edges of the hole popped and puckered wetly around his knuckle. "You open up so damn  _well_  for me, for anything that wants to get up this greedy hole."

Leo gripped his right cheek with his other hand and spread him out, watching pearls of slick run over his entrance and down his legs. "Mmm. It's like a flood back here."

Raphael whined and thrashed when he wiggled another digit in beside the toy. "I bet I could fit my whole fist inside you, and it wouldn't even be hard. You'd just make your pretty little noises and take it like you're doing now."

Hot gashes of shame opened up in Raphael's heart, bleeding equal parts lust and anger into his veins despite his cock twitching at the image, knowing it was true. "F-fuck you..." His hips squirmed frantically into the bed beneath him, dragging the wet fabric over every nerve ending in his cock, and his eyes started to cross the longer he tried to ignore the sensation welling up in his guts.

"Cum now, and I swear you won't again until I'm through," Leonardo hissed. But he still wasn't doing anything to prevent it.

"C-cant, can't, f-fuckingcan't-" Raph gasped. That was the point, he knew, why this wasn't ending after nearly twenty minutes. Leonardo was going to make him cum, let it happen, then punish him for it.

Leonardo snorted in derision. "Beg for it, then, since you can't handle holding out."

Defiance roared through Raphael like a forest fire, warring with the part of his mind that was bowing and scraping like a frail puppy. He was close as fuck, but he was still pissed.

Pissed at the impossible situation, pissed at Leonardo, pissed at the illusion of choice that he really didn't have. Any punishment he received from cumming without permission would be worth it to avoid giving in without a fight.

"B-blow m-me, brat!"

He tried to hold off, but it was like trying to grab a breeze. Raphael held in his shuddering moan and kept his body as still as he could when the first shakes of his climax slipped away, struggling to clamp down on the rest, thinking maybe he could fake it.

Leo sucked in an annoyed breath, tipped off by the clenching around his finger. "Did you just cum?"

Raph shook his head quickly, sinking his teeth into his cheek when Leo reached around and scrubbed his palm over the head of his wilting cock, dragging his fingertips through the sticky mess clinging to his flesh.

_Fuck!_

"Liar," Leo sighed, in a voice like sugar and cyanide. "You came, and then you lied about it." Leo wiped his hand briskly on Raph's thigh and leaned back. Raph shivered when the ropes laced over his shell began to twitch and shift as Leonardo plucked at them.

" _Children_ lie, Raphael. I guess I'll have to treat you like a child, because you don't deserve receiving pleasure while unsupervised."

Raph was yanked back by the ties around his wrists, and his heart sank when he felt a hand grab the base of his cock, the smooth glass of the ring settling over his sensitive tip and down to tighten around him.

The part of him that yearned to submit was relieved that the ring was finally forcing him to comply.

"You know what happens to naughty children, don't you?" Leonardo asked ominously, sucking a throbbing bruise into Raph's shoulder and grazing his nails in a deceptively gentle path across Raph's ass. "Open your mouth."

In response, Raph drew his lips closed and essentially glued his mandible together with force of will. His stomach swooped when Leo huffed in irritation, and he flinched when a set of sharp points closed on the column of his neck, hard enough to make his mouth go dry and his adrenaline peak. He felt the skin over his pulse break under the points of Leonardo's incisors.

It wasn't the first pain he'd felt that night, and he knew it certainly wouldn't be the last.

 _He could rip my fucking throat out if he wanted._ And there'd be nothing he could do about it. His cock stiffened in its prison, and he coughed out a moaning gurgle. Leonardo gave his head a playful shake, like a dog with a chew toy, before releasing him and lapping at the beads of blood as they rolled along his collarbone.

"Open your mouth," Leo repeated lightly, licking soothingly at the circle of punctures he'd made until they burned. "Open. Your.  _Mouth._  Don't make me say it again." He used THAT voice, all dark silk, rumbling low but tinged with the sharp tang of danger, and it undid Raph's conviction faster than anything.

Equal parts terrified and turned on, Raph slowly did what he asked.

"I d-dunno what the f-fuck ya think yer gonna do, but-"

He grunted as the scratchy edge of one of the ropes was pushed in between his teeth, cementing his tongue to the roof of his mouth. Leo let go of the strip keeping him upright and let him flop back into his original position, chest flat on the bed and ass in the air.

"Let's see..." Raph listened to the wet sound of the other male chewing on his lip, contemplating. "Five from me for the backtalk, five more for coming... and twenty with the whip for lying about it," Leo mused, flicking his tail so that it curled up and out of the way. "That sounds about right."

Raph snarled muddled curses past the gag in his mouth at the injustice of the tally, already knowing his protests would do no good. Thirty fucking lashes for something he couldn't control?

_The lie... You did lie. You deserve it._

_No I don't! I don't deserve any of this shit!_

_But you want it, though. Want it and need it._

Raph's warring thoughts fizzled out into blank confusion when he felt more touches on his tail. Leonardo squeezed the squat, slippery appendage with his digits and slipped something small and circular down the length of it, with a thick knot of material that nestled right up under his gland.

"Almost forgot," Leo said cheerfully. "This was a gift from one of my favorite instructors. He loved how sensitive our tails are."

It almost wasn't a surprise when it started to vibrate, and if it hadn't been for the unyielding barrier of the rope wedged in his jaws, Raphael would have bitten straight through his tongue. The buzzing was hard and concentrated on the tender skin around his opening. The sore ache shuddered up his spine, teasing and terrible as it turned his brain to slush and overtook his flayed nerves, making his skin crawl with raw electricity.

"MMN! F-MNn-"

He didn't get to enjoy it. Leonardo's hand landed heavily on his ass mere seconds after the toy started up, drowning out the feeling and sound of the vibrations with a harsh, ringing smack and a twinge of muscle deep pain that colored everything scarlet and drove a wet exclamation from Raph's throat.

Leo spanked ( _jesus, the word itself was nasty and embarrassing, made him feel like the slut he was being treated as_ ) him in rounds of three, with varying rhythm and no real pattern, purring every time Raph choked back a noise and wriggled in his bonds, ass growing red and hot with blood under Leo's savage palm. Swirled in with the cracks of impact, the vibrations jumping against his gland only intensified the pleasure he was getting from the pain, and vice versa.

It went on and on, completely out of his control. All he could do was kneel there and let himself be reduced to a shaking, submissive wreck.

Raph didn't even realize he was making noises again until Leo dragged his thumb along his spit flecked chin, crooning into his earslit. "They're going to hear you," Leo said, not pausing in his strikes. "They're going to hear you and come up here. I'll leave you just like this for them to find. You'll be on the news, and everybody in the city will know how much you enjoy this. 'Freak of Nature found in BDSM style setup... My family will see it, and yours...what do you think your brothers would say? Your  _master_?"

Raph trembled and jerked as the next three hits landed directly on his throbbing hole, jostling the device around his tail. He could see their faces, conjured up by Leo's poisonous words.

Donnie...Donnie would be disgusted. Mikey would be confused, and Splinter...Oh, God,  _Splinter._ The humiliation that should have killed his arousal had his cock dribbling instead, drawing a cruel laugh from Leo.

"That turns you on, doesn't it?"  _SMACK._ "Letting them see you like this, knowing that you're mine?"  _SMACK. "_ You're not a leader, Raphael."  _SMACK._ "You're just a monster, and one that can be tamed by a good fucking."  _SMACK._

_Yes, fuck you, yes, yessss..._

It made no sense, but hearing those things while getting hit so viciously made it easier to accept, let him slough off the strangling fronts and facades he carried around daily. It was so much simpler this way...Leonardo could say whatever he wanted, and none of it mattered because he'd be loved anyway, and all he had to do was let himself be used, needed, cleansed.

All he was expected to do was respond and come on command. He wanted to cry out that he needed this, wanted this-wanted to be claimed, to be possessed, to be owned once again- but pride kept his mouth shut.

It didn't matter. Leonardo knew it anyway.

The spanks stopped falling suddenly, leaving Raphael tense and fidgeting with anxiety for the next round. He flinched as something rustled off to the side of his body, after which Leonardo's voice slithered out of the darkness once again, sharp and smooth like thorns dipped in oil.

"That was ten from me. Twenty more to go. If I thought you could keep your voice down, I'd have you count the rest."

Even though he knew what was coming next, Raphael's nerves still screamed when the whip tore across his already agonized ass, searingly exquisite pain blossoming into a long blister along his thigh as lights flared behind his eyes. He howled past the gag, seeking release from the nonstop vibrations around his gland in the friction from the bed and finding none.

By the time they got to ten, sweat was rolling down the grooves in his shell and making the marks sting like open wounds- thirteen, and drool was spilling past his lips and soaking into the cover- sisxteen, and he was coming dry, humping desperately away from and into the thrashing, imagining seizing the whip and beating Leonardo bloody with it.

"UNMHNN! Unnhmmm...!"

By twenty, Raphael was positive he was bleeding. He could feel his heartbeat clearly throughout his entire lower half, and he couldn't have formed a coherent thought if his life depended on it. His mind was becoming mired in that euphoric subspace like a sponge soaked with syrup, almost shoved over the ledge between awareness and nothingness, and he was breathing like he'd run a triathlon, ragged moans trapped in his chest.

Pain and intensity hiked up his senses to near primal level- he could feel the warmth radiating off of Leonardo's stiff erection burning like a brand against his thigh, and smell the bitter tang of their mixed precum lingering in the back of his throat.

Leo pressed a small kiss to the corner of his mouth. Raph whined, trying to lean into the gesture, but all he did was move away again, snickering. It was confusing and torturous, knowing that the other male was just as revved up as he was and just within grabbing distance, and barely touching him, managing to hold onto that fucking self control while Raph slowly lost his mind. He could smell how much Leonardo wanted him and it drove him crazy. Leo took nothing from him physically, refusing to demand even a freaking blowjob, and all it did was screw with Raph's head.

"You haven't been good enough for that." Leonardo scolded. He rubbed his cool palm over Raph's swollen backside, a relief almost as much as it hurt. "Truthfully, I've been pretty lenient up till now- I can't even remember the last time I really punished you."

The strokes kept coming as the heavy throbbing waned and healed gradually, and the thing around his tail hummed away wetly in the puddle forming under his gland. The whole moment was bizarrely gentle in the face of being so ridiculously beaten, and the more Raphael was allowed to come back to himself, the more he felt certain he was being set up for something worse.

"The sewer workers are gone," Leo continued in a conversational tone, like they were having an easy, breezy little chat. "You can be as loud as you want now, because I think I want to see you bleed before we continue." His voice dipped down to a darker level, and Raph envisioned the feral grin curling over his canines, bright under coldly bloodthirsty brown eyes. "And I love the way you scream when I cut you."

The rope was unceremoniously wrenched out of his mouth, taking a stream of drool with it. "Ghh-ah.." Raph's deadened tongue ached after being restrained for so long, getting chomped under his chattering teeth as he waited for the next stage.

"K-kith...m-mah...a-ath..."

_Kiss my ass._

Weak and stuttering, but still rebellious and disobedient, because that was the whole fucking point, wasn't it?

Leonardo's answering chuckle was downright nefarious. It was the only warning he received before the tickle-scratch edge of a blade pressed beneath Raph's adams apple, steady against his reflexive swallow.

"Ngh-h..."

Death was literally a flick of the wrist away, but crazily, there was no fear or lag in his arousal. Leonardo had a knife to his throat and Raph still trusted him, more than he trusted his own body.

_You're a psycho, and so is he._

"Maybe I'll carve that into your face," Leonardo threatened, and he wouldn't, but the thought that he  _might-_

_Thump, thump, thump, **slice**._

Sensations raced up and down his arm on the fourth beat of Raph's heart, _Cold_  and  _Hot_  and S _harp_  and  _Dull_ all at once. The pain was acute and shallow on his left bicep, making Raphael moan like he was being fucked already, like Leo was hilt deep inside him, slamming into his spot until he was a weeping mess just  _begging_  him for some sort of release. It started off cold and spread like frost bite until he could feel it all the way down to his fingertips, like he'd stuck his hand into a bonfire.

"F-F-FUCK! Ah-ha, f-fuck-!"

Another slow swipe of the metal, deep and warmed by his blood as it bubbled to the surface like lava and streamed across his skin, distinguishable from sweat and precum only by the iron he smelled and tasted in the back of his throat.

No one would understand him if he tried to explain the feeling, why he wanted this, why he NEEDED it. Pain was good, pleasure was good, people were bad and he was bad but it was still so, so-

"Ah," he gasped, yelps and bellows matching the symphony of the knife as it picked up speed, raining a smattering of paper cut-precise slashes over his upper body. "Ah, AH- HAH- AHH- AHHH-!"

The serrations in the blade made it feel less like a weapon and more like claws, talons that belonged to the beast lurking behind Leo's stony foot soldier persona.

Raph fought hard, arching and throwing his body from side to side. But the bondage was absolute and he couldn't move an inch, screaming and flinching and HARD, so goddamn hard it didn't make any sense. Every nerve in his body was connected to his cock, bobbing and leaking under his belly, straining valiantly to burst past the stranglehold of the ring.

Leonardo traced his tongue over the weeping cuts and reached down to stroke him while the blade tore him open, twining pain with pleasure to sweeten and sharpen the edge.

The darkness spun in front of his eyes as his world reoriented dizzyingly, ending with Raphael propped up on his knees facing the headboard and just about ready to call a ceasefire. He didn't know how much more he could take, but he knew he was close to his mental and physical limit. No matter how many times Leonardo brought him to the edge of insanity, it never got any less frightening, or addictive.

Leonardo nuzzled mockingly into the side of his flushed neck, holding him from behind in an echo of a comforting embrace that only served to press the toy around Raphael's tail harder into his gland and keep his rock hard cock away from the bedsheets. "A little while longer, and I'll be done," he soothed ( _lied, he's lying he's fuckin' crazy and he's LYING),_ "but I know you can keep going. You've been so good so far... doing so well."

The praise further scrambled Raph's shitshow of emotions, heart and stomach fluttering warmly in response. His insides twisted like spaghetti noodles as Leo went to draw a finger over his hole, teasing his sore rim without ever dipping inside and making him moan.

"You're still wet," Leo smirked, "sopping, but not so loose anymore, thanks to the healing. If I fucked you right now, it would hurt."

_Good...no, bad!_

_No..._

_"_ Is that what you want?"

_Did you just fucking nod? Why the fuck would you nod?!_

_"_ Tough," Leo replied curtly, and really, he should have expected it. Raph's pulse sped up to a gallop as the cord that had been gagging him, still warm with spit, was looped over his head like a noose. "Lean up," Leonardo demanded, and Raph did, but he only got a long suffering sigh in return.

"More."

"I'm g-gon-na f-fall-!"

" _More."_

Leo wasn't satisfied until Raphael was perched precariously and painfully on his knees, with his torso leaned so far forward he would have tipped over onto his face if not for the other ropes holding him in place. The cord jiggled and shifted under his chin as Leonardo gave it a few test tugs and messed with a knot a little bit more, doing deft things with his fingers that Raph could hear but still not see.

"Look at that. I've always wanted my own pet monster on a leash," he said snidely when he was done, yanking on the thing as if it were attached to a collar.

"Tha f-fuck is this?" Raph growled, unconsciously wiggling his hips in the empty air. The thing around his tail STILL hadn't shut up, an ever constant distraction that added to his horniness but did absolutely nothing about it.

"Call it an exercise in futility," Leonardo retorted. His hand darted down to settle something behind Raph's thighs, cruelly ignoring his swollen purple cock.

Yeah, cause that was an answer.  _Not._

"H-hell is that s'posed ta m-mean?"

Raph was anticipating a steely command to shut up, or more pain for being insolent. A whoosh of air and movement near his face made him flinch- Leonardo still had a knife somewhere, after all- but all he received was a small, almost gentle push to the forehead. He grunted, expected the ropes to catch him and was surprised when they didn't. Raphael took a split second to realize that they had been loosened, and the reason why became IMMEDIATELY apparent as, right when his rear should have met the bed, it met something  _else._

His momentum carried him down further onto the newest toy, regardless of his desperate scramble to stop it and his shriek at the jolt of sudden, unprepared penetration. He was down to the thick, ribbed base in seconds. The thing was smooth and convoluted with a slender point that parted him viciously where it flared out, spearing his half-tight hole and piercing into his spot with all the intensity of being stabbed.

"UUUH-CK-!"

Raph's cock jolted like he'd been electrocuted, spurting a line of precum across his leg, and the scream leaping out of his mouth was beheaded into a ragged, gasping moan that left his throat sore, partly from his insides seizing in fierce pleasure, and partly from the rope tightening like a noose and snatching away his oxygen.

Survival kicked in despite stars flashing under his eyelids, forcing him to lurch forward in an attempt to breathe again. As soon as the stranglehold on his trachea eased up, the toy slid out, clearly weighted at the bottom and heedless of his body's desperate clenching attempts to keep it inside, leaving him empty.

_Holy fucking shit, holy fucking shit..._

"L-Leo," Raphael panted; blind, balanced and straining between the rope and the toy, tortured on both ends and scraping for an explanation. "L-Leo, w-what t-tha f-f-f-"

Leonardo slipped two fingers beneath the blindfold and lifted the corner of it, letting him see the end of the rope that he'd coiled around the bedpost and secured with a slipknot around Raph's neck. "Choose," he said simply. "Pleasure or breathing- either way, I win."

 _Gotta give him points for being fucking creative. "_ I h-h-hate y-ya," Raph stammered, meaning it completely in that moment.

Leo smiled, shark-like. He loved every minute of it and it was clear and terrible in his face, the last thing Raphael saw before he replaced the blindfold and the bed creaked as he moved to get off of it.

"Dance on that Aneros for a little while... there's one last thing I want to try." The bastard pushed him again, harder to counter Raphael's resistance, shoving him back down onto the toy.

Raphael was in equal parts ecstasy and agony as his body began to fight with itself. It was a never ending cycle on the washing machine from hell, forcing him to decide between suffocation and an unbelievably delicious fucking over and over and over again. The rope and the Aneros were relentless, and he could barely keep up, torn in both directions. His brain didn't know what it wanted, but his body sure did, and it didn't seem to care that he needed breathing to survive. Plus, the lack of oxygen wasn't helping thinking matters. It did, however, seem to interest his cock, turgid and dripping despite (or because of) the pain in his lungs.

He bounced and writhed in the dark on the sweat soaked sheets, muttering a long slew of obscenities that would make whoever inventing cursing cover their ears, oblivious to the sting of his reopened knife wounds and reduced to a blubbering baby as the Aneros massaged his spot with pinpoint accuracy, making his body betray him. Every jab felt like it should have triggered his climax, but it just kept climbing higher and higher as load after load built up in his gut, tiny black spots swarming in his vision and threatening unconsciousness.

It felt so fucking GOOD, and that was the only thing that mattered.

He didn't know what kept him from begging, because he wasn't actively trying not to, but he wasn't above crying out after a while (mostly because he couldn't really control it), choking out a stream of syllables that sometimes spelled out Leonardo's name.

"L-Le-Le- ah, oh...L-Le-oh, oh, oh F-F-Fuck, L..." he whined, thighs shaking like he was bench-pressing weights. He panicked when he didn't hear a reply, thinking hysterically that Leonardo had made good on his earlier threat and left him there, helpless and bound for hours...days...WEEKS on end.

"L-LEO-!"

The bed dipped under him, and he shuddered in relief as a soft touch danced over his face. Knuckles trailed down his cheek, then caressed his chin and guided him in for a kiss that was all sugar and no bite, aside from the fact that it was flavored with a tinge of Raph's own blood at the corners. Leonardo removed both the toy and the ring around Raph's tail finally, but left the one on his erection.

"Relax," Leonardo mumbled against his mouth, wiping a bead of sweat away from Raph's upper lip with a callused thumb. "I'm right here,  _Senshi,_ I never left."

Raph blinked furiously behind the blindfold, struggling to breathe through both the cord around his neck and his slowly fading anxiety. "D-don't ever d-do that sh-shit again," he gulped, biting back a 'please' at the end with all his might. The thought of being abandoned right then was terrifying, probably because he'd spent the last few hours being stripped and exposed down to his core. He felt like a weak, frail version of himself and he fucking hated it.

Leo kissed him again, further calming his heart rate.  _Back to being sweet, huh?_ Sometimes Raph thought that he just might be the least bipolar of the two of them.

"I won't," Leo swore. "I was just getting something ready. You looked like you were enjoying yourself so I left you to it."

Shameful warmth crawled up Raph's neck. "C-Couldn't b-breathe." he growled. He was unwilling to lie in case it brought more punishment, but he'd be damned if he straight up admitted to that, at least verbally.

"Exactly," Leo laughed. He pressed another kiss to the tip of his beak. Raph flinched as his teeth snapped closed an inch from the side of his neck, but all Leonardo did was pull back, taking the blindfold with him. The world was suddenly too bright too quickly, light from the lamp in the corner (bent and crooked, but still somehow working) sizzling Raph's corneas.

He got his first look at Leo's face in what seemed like years- the lighter turtle was still ridiculously composed aside from a mangled lower lip and pupils about two centimeters too wide.

Leonardo kneeled behind him, and Raph slumped forward with a hiss and a cough when the rope around his neck was untied, chafing against the inflamed marks it had made.

He craned his neck down with sticky, bleary eyes and swallowed wetly at the sight of Leonardo's flushed, fully hard cock, acutely aware of how empty he was now that the aneros was gone. "Uhm..."

Raph glanced back over his shoulder, fighting both his blush and his stupid tongue.  _Never let it be said you asked to get fucked._

Leonardo gave his brown irises a roll and tapped his fingers against Raph's leg. "Lift up."

His pulse jumped in excitement, but Raph's lips curled into a small sneer- close to what he wanted, and he couldn't help himself. "Finally d-decided I been good enough?"

Leo's gaze chilled slightly as he tilted his head in warning. "Do you want me to say no?"

 _Fuck you._ Raph bit down into his cheek and rocked forward on his hands, eyes fluttering shut and groaning as the spongy tip of Leo's cock teased at the crease of his ass, smudging his hole with precum. He grabbed for Leonardo's knees and started lowering himself down, slowly at first, then faster when he realized that there was almost no resistance and very little burn until he was seated, shaking and paralyzed and finally FULL, tail flat against Leo's plastron. He panted in relief, invaded in the best way possible.

"F-Fuck," he shivered, savoring the feeling of thick, rigid heat splitting him open after so much buildup. He rocked a little against his will, forcing moans out of both of them, but Leonardo put a firm hand on his hip before he could start moving in earnest.

"Wait," Leonardo grunted through clenched jaws, clearly using every ounce of strength he had to keep his voice steady. "Don't move. Hands...behind your back."

Raph snarled in frustration but did as he said anyway, figuring compliance might get him fucked faster. He rolled his shoulders back and tried to keep from ruining things for himself as Leo calmly tied his wrists together behind his carapace.

Raph keened in his throat when Leo twisted to grab something off the nightstand and shifted until he was sitting up, grazing his spot and liquefying his spine.

"L-Leo, L-leo, y-yer k-killin' m-me," he gasped, seconds away from coming dry again. His body spasmed, hating him for not moving, clamping down hard around the stiff member inside him. "Y-yer k-killin' m-me, c-c-come on-"

Ignoring his protests, Leonardo curled his hand around Raph's cock, tightening his fingers just under the ridge of the head while his thumb played with the dripping slit. He didn't stroke- only pushed the sharp edge of his nail into the sensitive opening, squeezing and pulling it open and closed.

In between squirming in impatience and stunted pleasure, Raph noticed that his finger was colder and wetter than it should have been, slick with more than just precum, damp with extra liquid that had to be the lube they barely ever used.

Leo rubbed the gel down into Raph's slit, and that was when the first stirrings of  _what the shit is he doing_ started to set in, nerves and confusion curdling in Raph's stomach.

"W-what tha-"

Leo cut him off with a small nip to his shoulder. "Still trust me?" he asked. His tone was steady and sure, but there was the smallest tremble beneath it that gave Raphael's answering snort of  _fucking duh_ slight pause. Still, it was a stupidly random question. Neither of them would be here, doing this, if he didn't.

Not trusting his vocal cords, Raph nodded once, and Leo relaxed slightly behind him. "Then don't move," he said again, quiet and serious, "or this will hurt in a way you really won't like."

_What the fuck is he talking about?_

"Close your eyes."

Alarm bells were going off like firetruck sirens in his head. If he said no, Leonardo would stop. But whatever was about to happen couldn't have been more dangerous than a knife to the jugular, so Raph stifled his reservations and did what he was told.

Cold, blunt pressure at the tip of his cock-

"Don't move."

Circling, pushing,  _what the fuck is that-_

"Do... Not..."

Pushing-

"Move."

" _AH!"_

Raphael's eyes flew open and his muscles locked, too terrified and bewildered to jump or wince as a completely foreign sensation overtook him, originating from the head of his cock. He glanced down and almost passed out- there was a slim metal rod inserted in his slit, knobbed with a flat handle, and that Leonardo was slowly, slowly pushing deeper.

_Ohmygodohmygod... he didn't, he didn't._

Fear of fucking up his junk kept him from yelling and batting away the rod, or from moving at all, but his mind was racing. He was sure he should have been howling in pain, but there was none, except for a slow, muted burn that was strangely, gradually pleasurable and tight pressure that spread out from the tip and down his shaft as the rod slipped in inch by inch.

To his dismay, Raph felt his flagging erection start to perk up and his body respond, breaking out into clammy goosebumps and forming little whimpers in his chest. He couldn't believe himself. He LIKED that, the feeling of being violated in a whole new crazy way he'd never known was possible.

"O-oh...s-shit...uh-ah...mm-mmm..."

He watched, dizzy and amazed, as the little metal balls on the rod popped past his slit one by one, driving the low burn further in and making his hips quiver and twitch the better it felt until the thing was all the way in, plugging him up. Leo gave the handle a gentle push and Raph moaned like a girl. The rod was pressing into his spot from the front like Leo's cock was in the back, throbbing and hot and begging him to ride it.

"Feel good?" Leo asked, squeezing tenderly. "You shouldn't have been worried. I always take care of you, don't I?"

Raph moaned again and again. He could feel his cock, the rod, all of it surrounded by warm fingers and drowning him in fiery sensations.

It was wrong, it shouldn't have been happening, it shouldn't have been REAL, being fucked like that. But it was, and fuck it all if it didn't feel good.

Raph's pelvis started to shift again and Leo didn't stop him, bending his knees and bouncing Raph slow and deep over his lap, sliding all the way home with each thrust and kneading his stuffed cock until Raphael was on the verge of overstimulated tears, eyes rolled so far back into his head he could see his thoughts, every nerve ending alight and alive. With his hands tied he had choice but to hold on and endure the ride, unable to control the pace, angle, or anything else.

"Ohhhh...f-f-f _u-u-u-u-uc_ k..."

Raph could feel every second of it, metal and pressure rubbing and rotating inside of him, spinning out pleasure from a burn he'd never experienced before but he wished would never stop.

Leonardo started going harder and faster, pounding in and brutalizing his spot while keeping a vice grip on his angry, distended cock, lifting the rod out by the handle and shoving it back down in time with his vicious thrusts, accompanied by a maddening itch of a stretch, a displaced fullness that instantly made him want to come and come and  _come_.

Dimly, Raph realized that he'd been screaming - for a while, actually - begging, affirming, making wordless sounds of lust and eagerness he didn't even know he could make.

"R-ready to c-come?" Leo gasped, nails digging hard into Raph's hipbone while he thrashed and bucked, delirious and out of his mind with arousal and need. He flicked the rod with the tip of his finger, HARD, and Raph WAILED, coming dry for the millionth time as the action reverberated through his entire skeleton. At that point pride was a word he didn't know the meaning of.

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, FUCK, OH GOD OH GOD PLEASE LEO PLEASE BABY LET ME CUM, FUCK, FUCK-!"

The next few things happened in slow motion- the ring was unlatched, the rod was drawn out, and one, two, three, four thrusts-

-a wordless scream, and everything was coming from the inside and the outside and everything was so tight and hot and cold and all he could manage was to keep conscious as everything spilled out and out and out, body feeling like a ringing bell, erasing him utterly until there was only tone and light and feeling, destroyed by it and grateful to his depths for that destruction.


	50. Certs from the Competition! (AKA FANART!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These are the certificates I won in the contest! I had to make a friggin tumblr to put them up (looking at you, AO3 embed policy...) 
> 
> Anywho. Safe for kiddies!

[](http://67.media.tumblr.com/7b1bddfe4cfd8df9bb7211fada404071/tumblr_odkfekCgA21vb3jl6o1_1280.jpg)   


  
Shared from [venusthemarvelturtle](http://venusthemarvelturtle.tumblr.com/post/150462646510/not-my-creation-a-cert-i-won-dont-sue) using [Embeddlr](http://embeddlr.com?=1473978133)  


[](http://67.media.tumblr.com/42cfb7bcdba2627b789f16439fbdf362/tumblr_odkfcsSuRK1vb3jl6o1_1280.jpg)   


  
Shared from [venusthemarvelturtle](http://venusthemarvelturtle.tumblr.com/post/150462601525/had-to-put-this-on-tumblr-to-put-it-up-on-ao3) using [Embeddlr](http://embeddlr.com?=1473978205)  



	51. FANART OUT THE WAZOO: SakyCchan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys are gonna kill me for this...LOLZ I SWEAR the next chapter is almost done, but SakyCchan, the beautiful reader who did the fanart in chapter 18, got comm'ed to do MORE fanart by someone and they let me put them up here for all to admire!
> 
> Fluff lovers, this one's for you. Scenes from "Aishiteru", ch 40. Non explicit, all eyes and ages welcome. You guys should consider yourself lucky compared to FF people, they have to wait until life leaves me alone long enough to get a written chapter out. They can't even see the art yet DX.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT MY CREATION, all credit goes to Saky! You're a diamond!

  
[](http://66.media.tumblr.com/69bef9156eb65e4017f98fc7a513858f/tumblr_oe2quv0HNF1vb3jl6o2_1280.png) [](http://65.media.tumblr.com/038a777f9bdeb91e6a095eb04922148b/tumblr_oe2quv0HNF1vb3jl6o1_1280.png) [](http://67.media.tumblr.com/27ff735fc419436229928880b7e6db7a/tumblr_oe2quv0HNF1vb3jl6o3_1280.png)   


  



	52. Dirty Little Secret (Plot with a Porny Title)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which shit begins to hit the fan VERY QUICKLY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: EDITED!
> 
> I know you guys are tired of hearing this, but I am SO SORRY. To be completely honest, school is brutal, and my mental state hasn't been the best in the last month or so. Not the best environment for inspiration DX.
> 
> We have reached The Beginning of the End... dun dun duuuun. Plot be here, and next, and next, and...yeah. Plot has returned LOLZ.
> 
> Warning- LONG AS SHIT.)

"If any of those barrels spill, each and every one of you will lose his head!"

They were stopping a robbery.

"Surprise, surprise!"

Scratch that- they were  _supposed_  to be stopping a robbery.

"Gods  _damn_ you turtles!"

Donatello had received the alert about a break in at a warehouse facility that belonged to some company or another, and they'd gotten there to catch the tail end of a crime in progress. The report had mentioned Purple Dragons, but finding the Foot there supervising them had been a nasty shock to at least two thirds of the Hamato operation.

In all honesty, Raphael had known that Leonardo was going to be there since it was his day job to babysit the Dragons. He'd considered telling Donnie just to watch the smoke pour out of his ears, but he'd figured it wouldn't have done any real good.

"Follow the cargo!"

The fight had jumped off about the same way as it usually did- Karai's guard, with the Supreme Bitch excluded for some suspicious reason, engaged both Donnie and Mikey to keep them from following the last few crates of whatever was being boosted from the scene, and Raphael got the privilege of 'fighting' Leonardo, except it wasn't a fight at all.

"Long time no see, Handsome."

"Not long enough, Ugly."

Their blades locked, and their physical stances gave every appearance of them intending to battle each other to a standstill, but when Raphael looked past the hilt of his sais and into Leo's glimmering brown eyes, the only emotion he saw there was amusement, like they were sharing some kind of private joke.

Leo wrenched one of his swords clear of Raph's grip and glanced quickly to the right before swinging it to that very direction- slower than any real attack would be on his end, but still fast enough to look good from the outside- and Raph swallowed a laugh as he moved to block easily.

There was no way he could take this act seriously, and the fact that everyone around them did was endlessly hilarious.

"Raph, I got your back bro!"

The only alarming part was when Mikey tried to jump in out of nowhere and help, when another elite was duking it out one on one with Donnie and the majority of his crew was either dead or knocked out. Mikey had seen the few shallow cuts Raph allowed Leo to give him to keep up the show and apparently figured that he needed some support.

"Mikey DON'T, I GOT THIS-"

That worked out about as well as anybody could have expected, forcing the both of them to make up something on the spot.

Raph wanted to spit in irritation as he watched his brother attempt to challenge Leonardo, nunchucks flying, and got himself shut down in less than four moves, winding up in a loose chokehold with a sword pressed under his chin for his trouble. Mikey squirmed to get free, stilling with a terrified whimper as Leo tightened his grip on the weapon.

Momentary panic lit up like a firework in Raphael's stomach. He took an instinctive step forward, but froze when Leo shook his head with a sharp jerk of his chin, silent warning flaring to life in his gaze. The look was replaced seconds later with a blankly taunting expression, and a wry, evil little smirk painted his lips as he placed them by Mikey's earslit, seconds away from kissing him.

"Let 'im go," Raph snarled, not having to fake his apprehension at seeing his little brother in danger, real or not. He was pretty sure Leonardo wouldn't dare risk hurting Mikey in front of him, but with the Dragons watching...

"I don't think I will," Leonardo replied. He tilted his head down until his and Mikey's cheeks brushed, nuzzling him and drawing another softly fearful sound out of Mikey.

Raph's fear faded while he watched, drowned out by a stronger, fiery surge of irrational jealousy at Leonardo being that close to Mikey.

"You really aren't the smartest mutant in the bunch, are you?" Leonardo asked the terrified turtle in his clutches, voice low and deep, but still loud enough to be audible over the sounds of battle. "It's a shame you're so pretty. I almost wish I didn't have to kill you." The sword caressed the underside of Mikey's jaw like a metal tongue before the black masked turtle forced his head back roughly by the tails of his orange bandana, the steel gleaming as he did so. "Relax, cutie. This won't hurt a bit."

Leo's eyes darted away and back so fast Raph almost missed it, and thank god he didn't- he swerved aside just as Leonardo's hand started to come down, missing the shruiken that whizzed past his head and would have embedded itself in the back of his skull if he hadn't moved. The throwing star spun into the space he created and clipped Leonardo on the brow, startling him enough to make him yell out and lose his grip on both his sword and Michelangelo, who broke free of his hold in the next instant and directly ran into the attacks of two Dragon reinforcements.

Raph twisted, gaping, to see the elite staring at them with a matching expression, two more stars held in his fingers and clearly intended for  _Raph,_  not Leonardo. The man looked shaken, caught between tossing out an apology and trying again before Donatello emerged from the pile of boxes he'd been kicked into and made the decision for him, rushing him yet again.

"RAPH, DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"

Raphael looked around to see that Leonardo had recovered his katana and fled with the rest of the thugs and the stolen goods, deeper into the warehouse complex.

His beast leaped at the prospect of a chase, wrapping his thoughts in claws forged from horrible intentions. Raph holstered his weapons and followed suit, ignoring the humans as they peeled away and escaped, only having eyes for his fellow mutant.

They were three floors underground before Leonardo stopped and pivoted to meet him on the deck of an abandoned loading dock, throwing up a sword to stop them from colliding. The scratch from the shruiken hadn't begun to heal yet, oozing blood down the side of his face.

"Are you all there?" Leo asked, gasping from run, scanning Raph with wide eyes from behind the barrier of his weapon. They were alone in near-total darkness except for one barely flickering overhead light that illuminated the sweat covering them, and the halos of warm breath billowing from their mouths into the cold air.

"No," Raph rumbled truthfully, irises glowing like golden streetlights as he struggled to get his monster back under wraps. Jealously, misplaced aggression and a host of other feelings swam around and in his head like a red fog, colored with arousal at the edges the longer time went on and neither of them took a step back.

Leo smiled in the shadows. "...Good. That's the way I like you." He stretched out an expectant hand towards him, and Raph snatched away from his grasp with a sneer, once again vacillating between wanting Leonardo and wanting  _to be MAD_  at Leonardo.

"Ya think my brother's cute, huh?" he snapped, trying to smother his baseless hurt under his irritation and not succeeding very well, from the look on Leo's face. He wanted to pretend that it was anger and protectiveness from Leo threatening his family, but the truth was that it was envy, pure and simple.

Leo blinked once before raising a surprised eye ridge, unashamed. "You're actually angry about that?" The corner of his mouth pulled up into a bemused smirk. "I didn't think you were that possessive. It was an  _act."_

 _Bullshit._ Raph pulled a face that he told himself was a sneer and not a pout. "Act, mah ass. Ya've said that before." Most of him knew he was being ridiculous, but the replay still stung him from the front of his mind. Leonardo had looked like he was about to plant a smooch on Mikey, and the animal part of Raphael's brain was going bananas, screaming that Leonardo was  _his, goddamit, his_.

Maybe it was the heat of the moment making things worse, but 'possessive' barely identified the heavy, sour feeling sitting like an acidic rock in his abdomen. April would have said he was acting like a caveman with no self esteem, but he couldn't find it in him to care.

"Said what before, that he's cute?" Leo echoed. He tilted his head to the side, like he was studying his increasingly pissed off partner, and Raph felt his blood pressure rise a few ticks, because that shit was  _annoying._ Muted mischief flared to life in Leo's eyes, and his smirk took on a menacingly scheming angle that said he was about to show off his evil asshole side.

Adrenaline had a nasty habit of turning him cold and cruel, making for an obviously bad mixture with Raph's own anger issues that, admittedly, led to some viciously incredible sex.

"But he is," Leo continued calmly, leaning his shell against the metal door of the unloading dock and crossing his ankles. "I've said it before, because it's true. He doesn't seem too smart, but," he shrugged, and somehow managed to make the gesture sensually mean, "he wouldn't need to be, for what I'd have him doing. It doesn't take a genius to breathe through your nose."

 _Aw hell no._ "Watch it," Raph barked through bared teeth, ignoring the tingling flush of heat that crawled through his lower half at the image that tried to pop up in his brain, before he repressed it (barely). Leonardo ignored him, or at least pretended to, rolling his eyes up to he ceiling like he was in deep thought.

"He even smelled like a nympho," Leo said with a short chuckle, "probably a squealer, too." He dragged his tongue slowly over the points of his canines hungrily and kept talking, acting like he didn't see the rapidly swelling bulge in Raph's plastron or the dangerously pulsing vein in his neck. "Mm. I'll bet you he's a bendy little hair-trigger. You don't seem to have any problem coming on command, I'm sure that runs in the family-"

At that point, Raphael was close enough to slam his hand into the wall beside Leo's head with an enormous metallic  _clang_  and a bear like growl, muscles trembling with shameful arousal. "Shut.  _Up."_ In no way he did he ever want to contemplate Leonardo with Mikey, but his body didn't mind the thought of watching his naive sibling get brought to heel-  _Leonardo's_  expertly unforgiving heel- probably because it knew that feeling for itself.

Leonardo didn't even flinch. He grinned pleasantly into Raph's murderous grimace as if he'd just remembered that he was there. "I'm sorry, I'm forgetting. Why did I choose you, again?"

Raph reeled back and sputtered, bewildered and not completely convinced he wanted to reply, debating whether or not to risk trying to land a punch just for the point of it.

Leonardo huffed out a laugh and cocked his head in mock sympathy. "Aw. Did I hurt my monster's feelings?" He reached up and gripped Raph's chin between his fingers, tightening his hold when Raph tried to shake him off.

 _Yeah, but I'll never admit it._  "Fuck you, asshole."

Leonado  _tsked,_  but his sharp smile softened around the edges at the genuine surliness in Raph's tone. "You're too easy," he told him. "Calm down. Most of the world would call your brother cute, but I love you and I chose you."

Raphael glowered sorely at him, unwilling to repeat the sentiment after being spun so carelessly, but it didn't matter because Leo no doubt picked it out of his eyes anyway. "Yer still a asshole." he grumbled.

"So are you, but I picked you anyway." Leo countered. He glanced around briefly, and a faint echo of the evil smile made a reappearance. "...Although I wouldn't be opposed to a reminder of why." In response to Raph's blank stare, he sighed and hooded his eyes. "On your knees, Raph."

The darker turtle's jaw hit the floor for the second time in five minutes as shock and indignation coursed through him like a current. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What tha- are ya forreal? If somebody saw-"

"Like they could have seen us in the alley?" Leo cut him off. "Or out on the rooftop?" He shook his head and played with the knot securing Raph's mask. "Quit pretending you're not an exhibitionist at heart, unless you want my last thought for the day to be me wondering how warm your brother's mouth is."

Of all the degrading, idiotic things Leo had demanded of him, this was by far the most out of order. His brothers, the Foot- any one of them could walk in and find him on his knees with their arch-nemesis in a rather compromising moment. Besides that, the trained puppy living inside his mind was whining to keep Leonardo focused on him and him only, felt like it had to prove something.

Raph felt a rush of adrenaline that raised a layer of goosebumps on his skin, and his groin gave a hard twitch. _Dangerous. Stupid. Exciting. HOT,_ because whenever he was around Leonardo, wrong felt right.

"Jackass," he said, but he dropped to his knees all the same, already drooling.

What followed was most likely the stickiest, wettest, most whole hearted blow job he'd ever attempted, enough to push him into subspace and, afterwards, obey Leo's command when he shoved his head down and ordered that he "Clean up your mess," licking trails of come from his thighs and front until it was all gone.

Leo jerked him off in return (which he also had to clean up). "I was mean to you today, wasn't I?" he mused, petting the back of Raph's head gently while they cycled down. "I'll make it up to you later."

"Ya better." Raph mumbled, dizzy with afterglow even as he wobbled to his feet. The kiss they exchanged was decidedly innocent for them, quick and fleeting with a muttered agreement to meet later, and then Leo melted into the shadows like he'd never been there at all, leaving Raph to reopen his healing cuts and let them bleed to cover the thick, salty scent of lingering sex in the air before going to rejoin his family.

* * *

Later that night, when he was halfway across the city and a few miles away from the motel, he received two hurried texts that would have raised every hair on his body if he'd have any.

 **L:** **«Change of plans. Meet me here.** **»** The second one was an address that was in a completely different direction from the usual spot. Raphael stared at the phone for a second, deep, confused lines etching themselves into his brow.

 **R:**   **«How come?** **»**

**L:** **«** **Just do it. Hurry.** **»**

That last word sent a sick, swooping sensation through his lower intestine, and a sour nervous taste welled up in the back of his throat. There was no good reason to suddenly stop meeting up at the Riviera, with it being a nice distance from both Foot Tower and the main sewer systems. If the plan had been to move, why wouldn't Leonardo have said it earlier at the warehouse?

And the fact that Leo had texted instead of placing a quick call was concerning in of itself. They were both supposed to be out of the house by then, but Leonardo apparently still hadn't been safe enough to talk out loud. Nauseating flashbacks of the night Leo had almost gotten his arm torn off and nearly bled to death lent Raph's feet paranoid wings, growing more and more concerned with every second that passed and they were apart.

By the time he reached the roof of the new address, he was covered in sweat from anxiety and exertion. He kneeled down to catch his breath and get his bearings, tensing when he realized that he was in Five Points, basically the center of Dragon territory, and that Leonardo was nowhere to be seen. Another image of the black masked turtle laying somewhere injured skittered through his mind. He pulled the burner from his belt and frantically flipped it open, trying to keep his fingers from shaking as he sent another message.

 **R** :  **«Where u at?** **»**

The reply was thankfully quick in coming, but not in the way he expected.

"Here."

Raphael jumped three feet in the air and just barely kept himself from shrieking, flashing cold with shock and hands flying to his holstered weapons. His stomach crawled out of his throat when he saw who had surprised him- Leo, standing behind him with a look on his face like he'd just heard some bad news from the damn grim reaper.

Raph let out a thunderous breath and recovered the phone from where he'd dropped it to the roof, jointly relieved and annoyed. "F-fuck," he sighed, massaging his plastron to get his heart to calm down enough so he could talk. "Ya scared tha fuck outta me, what's-?"

Leo waved him quiet and shook his head. "Are you armed?" he asked, staring hard at Raph's belt.

Raph blinked and glanced down dumbly. "Uh...yeah?"

Leo nodded once, sharply, and a little bit of the rigidness released itself from his shoulders, but not much. He looked more unsettled than Raph had ever seen him, taut with emotion and practically radiating unease. There was a line of thin scratch marks on one of his forearms, and a large darkening bruise in the bend of his elbow. "Good. Give me one."

Raph squinted at him strangely, slowly reaching for a sai as he did so with no real intention of giving it up. He trusted Leo, but shit was just a little too weird for him at the moment. "Why?"

Irritation flickered across Leo's beak like a small, hot flame, fast and unrestrained before he wrestled it back under control. "Because I need it." he replied. Quick and agitated, clearly deciding that Raph was taking too long to do what he asked, Leo reached down and knocked his hand away, snatching the left sai out of his belt and replacing it in his own before he could protest.

"What tha fuck are ya-?!"

"Your mask," Leo said, brown eyes darting around like he was waiting for an attack to commence. "I need your mask, now." He started to grab for that too, but Raph swerved back with a wordless sound of NO, anger swiftly canceling out concern.

"I'm not givin' ya shit until you tell me what's goin' on." he demanded. "Ya send me that weird ass text, and then-"

Leonardo glared at him like he was debating jumping on him and taking the thing by force. He brought his hand up to the bridge of his beak and squeezed, shaking his head. "I don't have time for this," he hissed, halfway to himself. When he opened his eyes, they were dark and ominous.

"Fine," he said, "whatever, it's not important. Go home."

_As freaking if._

_"_ Yer jokin', right?" Raph asked him flatly. He wasn't going anywhere, not missing a sai and with Leo acting shady as fuck.

His eyes narrowed dangerously. "Raphael, go.  _Home_."

Much like in the bed, the command only made Raph want to dig in harder. "I ain't."

"You can't be seen here!" Leo snapped, desperation coloring his voice. "For the last time, get out of-" The small metal band around his wrist beeped before he could finish the sentence, drawing both their eyes to the tiny purple light flashing in the center of it. Raph watched as Leonardo paled two shades, looking, for the first time in a long time, genuinely scared.

"Shit... hide."

"What!?"

"Hide, now!" Moving with a speed and force born from barely contained panic, Leonardo shoved him across the roof and into the open door of an overhang shed, then proceeded to try and close the door on his attempts to get out.

"Leo, what is going on?!" Raph yelled, kicking and kneeing the door, probably filling his skin with splinters that he didn't give enough of a fuck about to feel.

"Hun is coming!" Leo yelped finally, effectively pausing Raph's struggles. "If he sees you, everything goes to hell, do you understand?!" The fight for control of the door ceased. They looked each other in the eye for a long second, and Raph's throat sucked closed on his arguments. Leonardo looked like SHIT, and a potential breakdown was swimming just beneath his surface, worse than any nightmare or prelude to any argument they'd ever had. "I'll explain later. Just please, whatever you hear or see, do not come out."

"Leo-"

BAM. Raphael flinched and growled to himself in the darkness as the door slammed shut on his plea. He watched through holes and cracks in the weather beaten wood as Leonardo strode to the middle of the roof, grabbing his ribboned arm repeatedly and chanting something that was too low to hear, but that Raph could read off his mouth well enough.

"...-urge all pain, purge all fear..." He shivered a few times, face contorted like he in pain or deep thought or both, and then it began to smooth out as his breathing evened and slowed. It was like a time lapse video of a growing plant, except backwards. Rather than expand out, Leonardo shrank in on himself, visibly cramming every emotion somewhere deep and dark and burying it under his usual calm, deadly confidence.

He released his arm and straightened up not a moment too soon. He hadn't been lying- moments later, the fire escape began to clang heavily, and the top of Hun's blonde buzz cut peeked over the railing, followed by the mountainous mook himself.

Raph felt his heart pick up behind his lungs. To his confusion, instead of his usual murderous scowl, Hun was actually grinning, like he was happy to see Leo.

"Well, well. I wasn't sure you were gonna show up." he started, once he'd righted himself.

Leo tilted his head to the side a fraction. "Hun." It was only one word, and Raph couldn't see his face with his shell to the shed, but he repressed a shudder at the way Leo said the man's name.

He sounded identical to the cold, infallible elite that he'd been in the beginning, the Foot Soldier that held a katana to Raphael's throat and and would have had no problems taking Raph's head off if he hadn't been so amused by his antics.

"Where's Gunner?" Hun questioned.

Leonardo gave a derisive snort. "Your little escort you sent to fetch me? He's dead, and you should have seen that coming. If you wanted to speak to me, then speak, but don't insult me by using a proxy, particularly one as arrogant as he was."

Queasily, Raph realized that the pattern of bruises and scratches on Leo's arms matched the M.O of having broken a neck.

Hun grimaced and spat thickly. "Ya know, yer price just went up fer that."

"What price? Why am I here?" Leonardo asked coldly, crossing his arms over his front.

Instead of answering, Hun choked out a rusty laugh. "Damn. They really did tell ya that yer tha shit over there, didn't they? Got ya talkin' just like yer daddy, like yer better than everybody else. I told Gunner ta tell ya, but I guess he didn't get tha chance."

"I'm asking you one last time." Leonardo warned- calm, polite, and deadly.

Shockingly, Hun didn't seem bothered by his tone, despite the fact that every signal Leonardo was putting out screamed that he was skating on  _hella_  thin ice. "I wanna talk about them turtles." he said suddenly.

"We've paid you for the thugs they injured, you're not getting a dime more." Leonardo stated.

Hun shook his head in reply. His smile was large and ugly, and it formed a knot of ice in Raph's gut, something he wasn't brave enough to acknowledge. He shifted anxiously in his skin, knuckles popping and flexing as a sick feeling crawled through him like a drink of sewer water.

"I ain't talking about the boys, I'm talking about them turtles. Just one, really."

Leo's pause was almost non-existent, but it was still there. "One?" he repeated slowly.

Hun nodded his bullish chin up and down. "Yeah, one. The big one."

_Oh fuck._

"I wanna know-"

_Oh fuck please no no no no..._

"-which one a' ya is the bottom bitch, you or him? My man Reggie- ya remember Reggie, when ya cut his dick off? Reggie thinks it's him, but I bet it's you."

All coherent thought blinked out of Raphael's brain like a radio going dead, leaving him frozen, immobile and mute as the entire bottom dropped out of his world, taking most of his will to live with it.

 _He knows. Hun knows. He fucking knows._ The thing he'd been dreading with 99.9% of himself for the last  _long ass time_ , and Hun had just articulated it like a casual little question. Breathing, heartbeat, pulse...all of it ground to a complete stop.

_I'm dead. We're dead. He's dead. Dead dead dead fucking DEAD_

Stunningly, through his immediate white out of terror, Raph heard Leonardo respond to the accusation like he was insulted by it. "Do you have some kind of death wish?" he said.

Hun sneered at him. "Naw, but ya do. One a' my boys saw ya gettin' yer pipe cleaned earlier by tha leader of tha freaks."

Leonardo gave a dry little laugh. "' _One of your boys_ '" clearly has a brain tumor, then. At least he better hope he does, if he doesn't want to get executed for treason."

Hun's grin only grew. "Oh yeah?" He dug his hand into his pocket abruptly. Leonardo tensed and went into a defensive stance, but all Hun pulled from his jacket was a small black rectangle- a cellphone. "Execute this."

He jabbed a sausage like finger at the screen, and the phone lit up with color and noise, moving shapes that Raph was too far away to see clearly. He could hear it just fine, however. With a wrenching twist that felt like all his organs rupturing at once, he recognized his own moans alongside Leonardo's.

"He started filmin' right before tha money shot." Hun said gleefully, shaking the phone in Leonardo's direction as it kept playing. "Ya even said his name and everythin'. I knew ya were a nasty little homo, but I didn't know ya were a traitor, too. Didn't think ya had it in ya."

Leonardo was silent, so Hun kept going, leering at him with rotted, gold tipped teeth.

"I wonder what Papa Shred's gonna think when he sees this? Think he'll be proud his precious 'Honored Frog' is a double-crossing slut?" He brayed out a huge chuckle. "Maybe we'll send it over ta grandaddy Acheron in Japan, let him get a good laugh. Or are ya ready to listen now?"

"... What do you want?"

If there had been any hope at all, it died when Raphael heard Leo's tone. It was subdued and resigned, like the defeated slope of Leo's shoulders and the downward angle of his head.

Hun looked happy enough to dance. "Ah knew ya'd come around." he laughed, pausing the video. "First off, I want 50 grand delivered ta my doorstep, an' a ten year contract between tha Foot an' my Dragons. We're gonna be on equal footin', and you assholes're gonna stop treating us like shit."

"No one gets ten years. Not even the Yakuza." Leonardo argued, but it wasn't whole-hearted, and they all knew it.

"Well you better make it happen, or else yer little movie is gonna make ya famous." Hun said.

Leonardo shook his head, but it wasn't a refusal. "Fine. Anything else?"

"Well since ya asked..." Hun rattled off a bunch of other ridiculous demands, the least stupid of which was a throne dedicated to the Dragons set up in the Foot Tower.

"That pretty much covers it, fer now," Hun said, after a short pause that he couldn't find any other crazy condition to fill with. "Shit's gonna start changin'. Now, when  _I_ say jump,  _yer_  ass says how high."

"Who else did you tell?" Leo asked, testily.

 _There's no way he's gonna be that stupid._ That was part of the control Hun had, but apparently he didn't know that, or didn't care.

"Jus' Reggie and a few other cell leaders," he crowed proudly, "and if you try ta get all Samurai Jack on us, that video's gettin' emailed ta Shred-Head himself, along ta every other computer account in that buildin'."

Raph watched as Leo nodded slowly, thoughfully, damnear able to hear the gears turning in his skull.

"One last thing, Hun," Leo said evenly, with a tinge of steel around the edges. "Did you seriously think that any of this was going to work?"

_What?!_

"What?!"

Hun looked as shocked as Raphael felt, momentarily silenced. In front of him, Leo squared his shoulders and adopted the usual tone of voice and stature Raph was used to, sounding more amused than anything when he spoke again.

"Come on," Leo huffed, and Raph just  _knew_ he was rolling his eyes. A small stab of proud humor broke through his shroud of dread. "You should know the Shredder would rather kill me than let you extort either me or the clan for a penny."

Hun seemed to recover some of his former confidence, but it was obviously shaken by Leo's declaration. "Ya think I'm bluffin', don't ya?!" he sputtered, louder and redder with every word. "I ain't playin' with you! I'll send this shit right now!"

"I know you're not," Leo sighed, "but what you're asking for is impossible. You might want to set your sights to some goals that are a little closer." Raph bristled a little- he sounded a a bit too smooth now, almost pleading.

"Fuck ya mean?" Hun snapped.

Leonardo hummed, swayed on his feet, and took a step forward that was almost a skip. "You're right, they did teach me how to be a leader in Japan." Another step. "But they taught me other things, too." Step. "Things I think you might enjoy."

Beneath the fear, something ugly and curdling with a hot core started to bubble in Raph's veins as he registered the steadily dropping pitch of Leonardo's warm tone.

"H-huh...?" Hun stammered. He finally took a shaky, half-hearted step back, and Leonardo matched the movement with two more.

 _TOO CLOSE,_ the beast roared _, TOO CLOSE, TOO CLOSE, TOO CLOSE._

Leonardo chuckled, and the sound was low like a purr. "Keep up Hun, honestly. There's nothing I can do for you in terms of what you want from my father, but there may be something else I can do for you...personally."

_TOO FUCKING CLOSE! MINE MINE **MINE**!_

"Yer fucked in tha head if ya think-"

"I can smell arousal, you know. It's all over your hands. You liked watching that video."

Raph could barely hear him over the throb of rage in his eardrums...Leonardo was smiling, he was sure of it, giving Hun the bedroom eyes that were for him and him  _alone_.

"How many times did you hit replay until you finally gave in and jerked off? It doesn't help that your pants are getting tighter by the second the longer I talk. You know exactly what I mean."

Red was bleeding into the edges of his vision as the air constricted tightly around his lungs, but Raphael still saw Hun stop moving back and actually take a step FORWARD, bringing him much too far into Leonardo's personal space.

"...Yeah? What if I do?" Hun rumbled, almost quietly, panting in low huffs like a thirsty dog.

Leonardo tilted his head to the opposite side and shrugged sinuously. "It's your call now, isn't it? So make a call."

Hun's tongue swept from one side of his mouth to the other. Raph was progressively, swiftly losing the battle with his igniting rage, feeling his extremities fade out of his control. He wouldn't have been surprised if the shed burst into flame or started leaking steam, and he was starting to forget why he was still inside of it. Right when he had decided _TO HELL_  with staying hidden because he was going to  _rip_  that tongue out by the root just for imagining what Leo's skin tasted like, Hun came back to his senses.

"Nice try, freak," Hun snarled. "I don't want some mutant's sloppy seconds, or some shit half that Tower's prob'ly been in. When I called ya a slut, I didn't know how right I was. Ya'd fuck me just ta keep my mouth shut?"

There was a beat of oppressive, horrible silence.

"No," Leonardo said, light and pleasant as could be. "I just needed you to get closer."

He moved so fast he turned into a green blur, as did the flash of silver from whatever was in his hand as he thrust it towards Hun's face in the exact instant that Raphael finally threw his shoulder into the shed door and broke it open. The next few seconds seemed to move in slow motion- Hun's muddy eyes locked on his own, wide enough to be surrounded by white on all sides. They stared each other down over Leonardo's straining shoulder. Hun's mouth opened, but instead of a scream, a gout of vivid scarlet blood burst from between his lips with a drowned sounding gurgle, streaming down his chest like a streak of thick paint. Leonardo pulled his hand back and repeated the motion three more times, driving what Raphael witnessed to be his own sai as deep into Hun's throat as it could go with a popping, ripping squelch, all the way to the red-slicked hilt.

He howled in abject horror as they both started to fall, Hun still twitching and grappling at Leonardo in his death throes while the mutant speared him in the neck over and over, twice before Raphael was able to grab him and literally haul him away from his victim. They tumbled backwards, fighting momentum, gravity, and each other until they finally sprang apart.

 ** _"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!"_** he screamed over Hun's wet gasps. He scrambled to his feet, instinctively trying to make it back to the fatally wounded human, and was just as quickly brought down my Leonardo's leg being thrown into his path to stop him and bring him crashing to his knees. He could only stare with terrified speechlessness as Hun's thrashing slowed to a slow trembling, and finally stopped. The last of the color drained out of his face along with the agonized light from his eyes, and his hands slipped from their weak grip around the weapon in his throat to splash down into the rapidly spreading pool pf blood filling the concrete under his body.

Everything went completely still. The cold air tasted like copper where it sat on his lips.

 _This has to be a fucking nightmare._ He had to have fallen asleep, there was no way this was happening in real life.  _Wake up, dumb ass, wake up._

"W-why..." he shuddered, unable to move or speak above a whisper. "W-why th-the f-fuck w-would ya...?"

_Why_

_why_

_why_

_WHY?!_

**_"WHY?!"_ **

He didn't know he was screaming until Leonardo leaned back from the blistering heat of his anger.

"I had to," Leo breathed. He looked strangely calm, like a storm in a glass ball, eyes slate blank, face tarred with spirals and spatters of drying, darkening crimson. He pressed the heel of his hand to a new, fist shaped bruise on the underside of his jaw- Raph had hit him and hadn't even noticed. "He knew. I told you to leave-"

" _ **WITH MY SAI?!"**_

_"HE KNEW!"_

He didn't even remember making the conscious choice to fly at Leonardo with both fists raised, but he did remember the sweep kick that sent him back down as quickly as he'd gotten up, and the chop to the side of the neck that punched all the breath out of his chest while taking away any thought of movement with a muscle locking ache.

Leonardo fitted his foot under Raphael's side and kick-lifted him with an almighty heave, forcing him to stare into his pale, furious face from below.

"That's going to last until I remove it, so you're going to listen to me. He knew," he repeated hollowly. "I was always going to kill him. He had to die, but it couldn't be by my hand, do you understand?" Mechanically, he stooped down and roughly removed Raphael's mask from around his eyes to undo the knot it with hands that didn't shake. He strode away from the turtle stiffened by his pressure point back to Hun's lifeless corpse, appraising it for a few seconds before bringing his heel down hard on the dead man's wrist.

Hun's fingers sprang open. Leonardo kept talking, less agitated and more monotone the longer he did so. "Someone had to have known he was here with me, but they couldn't account for him running into you. And everyone knows how you are." He tore a long piece out of the side of the red fabric in his hand and laid it carefully in Hun's grip, then turned his attention to the sai sticking out of his adam's apple.

 _He is goddamn framing me for this._ The feeling that came from that revelation wasn't so much anger as cutting betrayal.

"You heard him, Raphael. If it looked like I killed him, that video would get out, and we'd both be dead in a matter of hours. But they didn't think about the possibility of him dying any other way, they're too stupid." Leonardo yanked the blade out with a long, sickening slurp, then began layering a cross hatch of seemingly random gashes across Hun's face and chest, making it look for all the world like he'd caught the wrong end of a sai swinging maniac. He did this all with slow, practiced efficiency, and that was the scariest part.

"They'll have to choose a new leader before they do anything, and that will take days of bloodshed. It gives me time to find the other leaders with the video and kill them, with the added bonus of their deaths looking like casualties of their own gang," he said with an empty smirk.

Raphael fumed silently while he rifled through Hun's pockets for the phone and slipping it into his belt. He walked back over and leaned down, dangling his fingertips over the throbbing vein in Raph's jugular, leaving the question unasked.

Raph let his eyes close, and immediately after, fleeting pressure danced over his skin, bringing back the return of voluntary motion. He reached up and shoved Leonardo's hand away as soon as he could, rolling to his hands and knees before standing with his back to the other mutant. No one said a word for a long time.

All of it made sense, but that didn't mean he wanted to be blamed for something he didn't do, or used to start a civil war in the city. The rawest deal had to be the fact that he'd been kept in the dark until the very end.

"Ya could'a told me," Raph growled, "but ya didn't. Ya lied."

"I didn't have time to," Leonardo protested, wisely keeping his distance.

Raph spun to face him, pinning him with an injured golden gaze.

"Ya used me, an' last time I checked, ya don't do that ta people ya swear you love so damn much."

Raph knew that hurt, because he meant it to. It made him feel slightly better to see Leonardo wince like he'd been slapped.

"I do," Leo said, "and that's why I'm trying to fix this. It's my fault and I'm sorry, but it's better this way."

That wasn't much of an answer or an apology, or a reassuring one at that.

"What about my fucking family?" Raph demanded. "The Dragons are gonna come after us now."

Leonardo shook his head briskly. "Just stay out of sight and let me handle this. You've been fighting them for years. Statistically this had to happen sometime." He sighed tiredly, slouching like the world was on his back. His next words were quiet and accepting. "If you're done, say you're done, but I can't stop this now that he's dead."

If only it were that easy.

"Can't just be done," Raph said grudgingly. "Ya made damn sure of that." He clenched his hands into fists and released them with some effort, guttering out a sigh of his own. "I still love ya, but I swear, I really wanna hate ya right now."

Leonardo's lips gave a dry, humorless twitch. "I don't blame you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Writing Leo pretending to seduce Hun nearly KILLED MY SOUL, oh my god.
> 
> Like I said, plot from here on out! I will try to feel better so as not to do this ever again with the lateness. Not even gonna ask for reviews, cause I know I'm wrong DX.)


	53. Blood and Suspicion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's a lot of death, and revelations, and things inch closer to exploding over everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: EDITED! Peep the sick new turtle shell dividers, yo!
> 
> Note: Time skip. In this chapter, it's a few days before Halloween.
> 
> WARNINGS: References to rape and child abuse. And lots of blood!)

_"_ Where is it, Allan?"

"I'nt know what tha fuck yer talkin' about,  _Honored Son."_

"I know he sent it to you, and I know you're too stupid to have moved it. Give it to me and I might let you live- tongueless, obviously."

"I ain't givin' you shit-"

"You might want to rethink that."

"Ya didn't let me finish. I ain't givin' ya shit, but I heard s'mebody else is, though. Was tha otha freak good, at least? Word on tha street is ya got a lot to compare 'im too."

"Bad choice, Allan."

 _"B-back up!_ H-Hun says if ya kill me-!"

"Who says  _I'm_  going to kill you?"

"H-huh?"

A fist lashed out, quick as lightning, heralding the snap of a dislocated jaw. The man was unconscious before he hit the ground.

Leonardo watched him fall with an expression as blank as a puddle of water, feeling bruises throb to life across his knuckles.  _Idiot_ , he thought, almost pityingly.  _Idiot. They told you I wouldn't come, and you believed them._ Like a parent telling their kids that they were immune to death.

Because that's what he'd been made into; his clan's own personal grim reaper. They'd whispered that in Japan, behind his back and sometimes to his face. Want someone dead? Want something ruined? Point the mutant at it- it didn't have a chance. They'd celebrated him for being such a remorseless killer at such a young age and rewarded him for it by slipping between his sheets at night.

Though he rarely let himself be so unrestrained, the situation called for brute force, so Leonardo let the anger that resulted from those memories fuel the strength in his arms as he bashed the hilt of one of his weapons into the body at his feet- first his face, shattering cheekbone, nose, lips, chin, forehead, until he was unrecognizable- and then the rest of him, pulverizing his ribs and breastbone until his chest caved inward and blood was running thickly from his nostrils and mouth.

Typically when he did this, he was numb, but this time when he blinked at each impact, he saw a horrified face behind his eyelids, green like his and twisted in anger and wariness... and fear.

Was that... was that guilt? It couldn't be guilt. He never felt  _guilty_. Guilt meant remorse and remorse meant empathy, and that went against his entire programming.

 _His opinion doesn't matter._ It  **didn't.**  Leonardo shoved the face away and continued his task until his shoulders ached, and he finally stopped to stand and rebury his emotions under a foot of ice and emptiness.

All in all, it looked like the man had been jumped and beaten to death, which was the whole point. He knew the Dragons thought he used his swords for everything, and that Hun had spread the rumor that he was too uppity to literally get his hands dirty. The phone would go in the river along with the others he'd recovered, and another threat could be crossed off his list.

That was all the grim reaper cared about- the list. Not guilt, not fear, not even love. Just the mission, the list, and the next check mark on it, regardless of the fact that he was hated for it, and so what if his twisted, strange, ugly fingers didn't look so ugly when they were twined with identical ones instead of covered with blood?

So what?

* * *

_He didn't know where he was, only that it was cold and dark, and their surroundings were hazy, but his location wasn't nearly as important as who was there with him._

_"Raph?"_

_Across the room, if it was indeed a room they were in, his older brother stood stock still and silent, staring at him with a frozen grimace that could have passed for a pained smile stretched grotesquely across his face._

_"Raph, what happened? Where are we? Where's Mik-"_

_Donatello started to move forward- started, tried, but couldn't. As soon as his foot left the ground, the mist swirling around his face solidified into iron bars, keeping him caged right where he was._

_"What the-?!"_

_His brother said nothing, did nothing, but there was motion behind him. Donatello watched, confused and filled with dread, as the fog thickened and solidified into a pair of lean green limbs that coiled around Raphael's motionless shoulders, followed by a snickering mouth and two narrowed brown eyes that appeared next to his cheek, leering at him. Donatello yelled and gripped the bars, shaking them to no avail._

_"Raph! Raphael, kill him! Kill him!"_

_Raphael didn't move, and the specter clinging to him only laughed harder. "Raphael, Raphael," it mocked, "kill him, kill him..."_

_A long, twisted knife formed in his hand, inches below his brother's neck._

_"Raph!"_

_"Kill him, kill him..."_

_Fingers curled under Raphael's chin, turning his head and tilting it to the side, baring his jugular._

_"RAPH!"_

_Leonardo slit Raphael's throat in the same instant that he kissed him, eyes locked on Donatello's the entire time as the purple banded turtle screamed and struck at the bars, unable to look away even as Raph collapsed and Leonardo chuckled and licked drips of his brother's lifeblood from his fingers like chocolate sauce, stepping over his corpse to vanish into the gloom._

**(#)(#)(#)**

Donatello sat straight up in his bed like he'd been struck by lightning- gasping, nauseous, covered in a cold, terrified sweat. He was reaching for his staff and triggering the blade before his brain caught up to where he was, but the influx of reality did nothing to chase away the lingering fear and queasiness from his nightmare.

"Oh m-my g-god," he stuttered through chattering teeth, hunching over his knees and shivering like an epileptic. He hadn't had a dream that vivid or disturbing in  _years._ His throat felt scratched hoarse when he swallowed, and he suspected the only reason everyone else hadn't come running was because of the sound-proofing. He took stock of his condition in favor of analyzing his nightmare, rubbing sweat out of his burning eyes and struggling to breathe through the claustrophobia tightening around his chest.

Donatello got up and started throwing on clothes without making a conscious decision, thinking only  _breathe_ and  _junkyard_ and  _need to get_ **out** _of here._ Once he was covered with his bo strapped to his chest, he raced out to the front area like he had roller skates attached to his feet, only pausing to listen to three- all three, thank gods- sets of heavy, slow breathing emanating through the house before disengaging the security system with his master code and more than a small twinge of guilt.

He wasn't going to chase fights, he just...needed to think, in a place where the object of his thoughts wasn't sleeping a floor above him. The junkyward was washed colorless in the night, white and grey by the time he arrived, blessedly silent and empty. Donatello dove for the nearest pile of twisted scraps and started sifting through it mechanically, aimlessly, trying and failing not to let his mind wander.

It hadn't been real. Dreams were projections of the subconscious, unfounded worries and-

_So you're worried about Leonardo, then? About Raph-?  
_

That could NEVER happen. It couldn't-

_Lots of things that could NEVER happen, indeed, do._

There was no way-

_He's been happier, lately. Calmer. He laughs without the medication._

That wasn't strange, moods fluctuated-

_For weeks on end? Maybe it's not Leonardo, but it's something. Something that isn't **YOU.**_

Donatello gritted his teeth on a distressed, frustrated noise and yanked his hand from the junk pile he was digging through when a sharp pain lanced through his palm, watching blood bead and roll down his wrist from a cut on one of his digits.

_This is not my night._

"Git back here ya fuckin' coward!"

Footsteps crunched in the gravel behind him, drawing nearer to his location, followed by rough panting and a shouted curse. Donatello squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed a hiss as a headache throbbed poignantly behind his eyeball.

_This is **definitely**  not my night._

He ducked and rolled behind the largest pile of garbage in the shadow of a dump truck as the footsteps rounded the corner closest to him. Whoever it was and whoever they were pursuing, they were too invested in the chase to notice the few pieces of scrap metal his motions sent tumbling down the heap, which was great considering he really wasn't in the mood for a fight.

"What'dja think, ya could just kill Allan an' get away with it?"

"I ain't kill nobody, man, I swear-"

 _Dragons?_ Donnie thought, momentarily distracted from his awful mood by intrigue. Dragons turning on each other wasn't new or shocking, but he recognized the name Allan- a section leader they'd come up against once or twice, and their deaths weren't as commonplace as one might think.

"Like ya had a chance a' bein' section leader in the first fuckin' place?"

Another gang war? The last one had nearly torn the city apart.

The smells of fear and acrid urine were thick in the air, and the one Dragon sounded close to tears, if he wasn't crying already. "Turk, come on man, I swear, I swear. It wasn't me, man, it was that mut- _uuuurk-"_  Donatello bit his lip and shuddered as the end of the pleading man's sentence broke off into a long, wet gag and a series of gurgling coughs.

He'd sounded like...like he'd been about to say 'mutant'. Hard, cold foreboding twisted itself to life in Donatello's sternum.

He heard the second man spit, and what sounded like a boot meeting ribs. "Traitor trash." Donatello waited with baited breath as the man began to walk away the way he'd come, not daring to move until his footsteps were out of earshot. The Dragon he'd injured was still alive, choking quietly on the other side of the slag heap.

The foreboding feeling gave a hard, unavoidable nudge, and Donatello, unable to ignore or stifle his curiosity, slowly inched his way around the concealing pile of waste towards him.

The man was young, mid twenties at the most, brown skinned with a shaved head and two large rings through his nose. His throat had been slit- not neatly and cleanly the way the Foot favored, but messily and ragged, torn flaps of skin twitching over the mess of pink and red and white as he valiantly tried to suck in air past the gaping hole stabbed into his neck.

 _"_ Ghhk...ghk...hhgk.." When he caught sight of Donatello, fear lit up his rapidly dimming eyes, and he started to thrash, spilling more blood into the dirt behind his head.

Donatello dropped to his knees beside him, shaking his head and trying to keep his gorge down. "I won't hurt you," he hissed. "What happened? Why did he...?"

"Hkk...hkk...tttut...tuut...kkklld...Hu-Huhnnkk..."

"Hun?" Donatello froze, staring at the man with confusion as he sifted through the mangled syllables. "Are you trying to say Hun?" A nod, or the barest attempt at one. "Someone killed Hun?"

That would explain the infighting, then. But the man wasn't done. He jerked, rapidly paling beneath his dark complexion from blood loss, eyes rolling manically.

"Tttlk...tuut...m-mmuuttllkk...rrr...rrrrd...rrrddd..."

There it was again- mutant, what sounded like the beginning of the word 'turtle', and something else he couldn't identify.

"Someone...a turtle killed Hun?" Donatello asked, feeling increasingly sick.

"Tuut... kkklld...Ah...ahll...nnnk..."

"Allan? The squad leader? Or Hun?"

"Nnnn...nn...nn...o-oh..."

Tell me and I'll help you," Donatello said. He was lying through his teeth and he knew it- the man was dying, and there was nothing he could do for him even if he tried, with the amount of blood he was losing by the second.

"Luukk...Lukk...Lkknnn...nnnrkk..."

"L...Leonardo?" Donatello stammered. He barely stopped himself from lunging at the man, who was beginning to shake uncontrollably. "Are you trying to say Leonardo?!"

The man didn't answer- his trembling had reached a seizure like pitch. His eyes rolled back into his head as he convulsed, and the tension bled out of his muscles rapidly. A few last bubbles of air popped in the congealing red mess at his throat, and then he was still.

Donatello leaned back on his heels, mind whirling. Hun was dead, and a turtle had killed him...but a turtle had also killed the leader the man was accused of betraying. So far as he knew, the only turtles the man could have been referencing was himself, his brothers, and...

_And **him.**_

But none of it made any sense, from any angle he looked at it. Leonardo was Foot Clan, and they had a pact with the Dragons. Killing Hun would be an extra headache for the Shredder.

And he would've known if one of his brothers had killed Hun, or one of his men...right?

_Right?_

But if Hun was truly dead, and the Dragons thought his family had something to do with it...

Donatello glanced helplessly at the corpse and realized he was shivering.

* * *

The call came at around 2:00 in the morning.

April stirred drowsily in her husband's arms as her cellphone buzzed insistently on the bedside table, cracking open dreary green eyes to glare at the time blinking in red numbers on their small alarm clock. Instinctively, she stretched out her arm to snag it towards her, scrunching up her nose at Casey's wet snuffle near her ear.

"Mmmhm?" she mumbled, pressing the phone halfway to her neck.

_**"*April?*"** _

The sleepiness bled out of her like she'd been touched with a power line. April shot straight up in bed upon recognizing the voice on the other end, pressing a hand to her mouth to keep her noise level down to a whisper. "Jack?"

Except...Jack never called her by her first name.

_**"*April, I...*"** _

"Jack? Honey, what's wrong?" April whispered. The girl's tone sounded wrong- clogged with tears, hushed and terrified. There was a pause, and April's heart leaped into her esophagus. "Please talk to me."

Jack let out a hysterical giggle devoid of humor.  **" _*I think that's the problem,*_ "** she said.  _ **"*I think I'm in trouble.*"**_

"Jack," April said, "Jack, listen to me. I can help you, get you to a safe space-"

 _ **"*There's no place safe enough from them,"**_ Jack interrupted,  _ **"*From us.***_ " She sniffled.  _ **"*I think someone knows. About me, talking to you. I have to tell you now, before it's too late...*"**_

"Jack?" April tried again, tears beginning to build in her own throat.

_**"*I have to tell you about Josiah. In case I...I'm the only one who remembers him. The only one that cares.*"** _

"I'm listening," April told her, feeling like a knife was twisting in her gut. "I'm listening."

 ** _"*She killed him,_ "** Jack started, voice wavering with emotion.  _ **"*I told you that, right? Karai. She killed my brother. She sent him on a suicide mission. She knew he wouldn't come back, but she wanted to make another Elite look bad. I begged him...I begged him not to volunteer. The last thing he said to me was to quit worrying about him because he wasn't a baby anymore.*"**_

"..." April put her knuckles to her lips, certain that if she tried to talk she'd start wailing aloud.

 ** _"*The man said if I did what he asked, I'd be safe,*_ " **Jack continued, letting the words spill out in a frantic rush that April could barely decipher.  _ **"*I did it. I got back at her. Poison in her sheets, just like he told me to, and I'm about to do it again, to him this time, but I don't think...*"**_

"...Jack," April sobbed, quietly. She couldn't say anything else, and in the back of her mind, she knew there was nothing else she could say that would help.

_**"*Finish the story, April. Do it fast. Do it fast...I don't know how long I have.*"** _

* * *

_Karai's dreams were filled with blood- glorious, triumphant, visceral spurts and sprays of blood, war waged in the streets around her home between her soldiers and her enemies. Anyone that had ever crossed her- the Doku, O'Neil, the turtles...all of them died beneath her dark gaze. She stood side by side with her brother on the topmost floor of the tower, but she could still see each and every individual victory as if she were delivering the death blows by her own hand._

_A part of her wanted to join the bloody fray below, but she found she couldn't move herself from Leonardo's side, and she didn't mind. This was where she belonged._

_"The cleansing was a good idea," the mutant spoke up, and Karai couldn't turn to look at him, but she knew that on his head sat a reworked version of their Father's fearsome helmet, sculpted to fit his skull. Fire glimmered in his bright brown gaze- fire for her, for what they were about to undertake together. His words were quiet, but she could hear him over the din of screams and sobs below like he was whispering in her ear. "We can move forward now."_

_The warmth and solidness of his arm found its way around her waist, and Karai felt honestly happy._

**(#)(#)(#)**

Waking for Karai was far less enjoyable than what she'd seen while asleep. She came too slowly, savoring the content feelings mired in her dreams that kept her wanting to cling to unconsciousness. It slipped from her fingers like sand, replaced by the residual aches and pains in her body.

She relinquished it with a groan and peeled her pale lids apart, feeling her lashes stick together painfully. The white ceiling of the infirmary swam into focus above her eyes. She was supposed to be getting a clean bill of health that day, but she still felt like she'd just been burned most minutes of her day.

If ( _when_ ) she ever found who was responsible, she'd boil them alive in a vat of whatever acid they'd used on her and have their bones made into hair clips.

She rolled painstakingly onto her side and nearly had a heart attack when she noticed the dark silhouette by her bed.

" _Kami,_ " she breathed, smothering her unease and irritation at being surprised under her amazement at the figure standing in front of her. "Who are you? What's your designation?"

The man- it was a man, despite his long grey plait- didn't answer her. He was wire thin in an unhealthy way, clad in dark clothes with no crest, no insignia, nothing to symbolize his rank or purpose, or even his affiliation. His face was heavily scarred, resembling a mountain range more than actual human features. The only things that were clearly identifiable were his eyes in the sunken valley between his ruined nose and mouth, fathomless and filled with an empty, deep sort of sadness that made hairs raise on the back of Karai's neck.

"Soldier?" she tried, waving in his direction. Maybe he was one of Bishop's test subjects, addled by drugs and a minced brain. The man's eyes followed the path of her hand, but he remained steadfastly silent.

"He doesn't speak."

Karai jumped a bit on her bed and swiftly tried to mask it, even as her mind registered the deep timbre of Leonardo's voice coming from the direction of the door to her side. She twisted her neck (biting back a hiss of pain as her bandages rubbed against her still sensitive skin) to watch him walk over to where she was. He looked, as usual, large and too strange in the sterile laboratory, ungainly and nervous where he was typically self assured and confident.

Karai let a breath escape her nose and relaxed slightly against her pillows. She tilted her head in greeting, and Leonardo did the same. "Brother."

As he drew closer, she watched the soldier she had been trying to engage move out of his way without so much as a glance from the mutant, needling her slightly. "Why not?" she asked.

Leonardo settled down into the chair by her bed, raising and lifting his shoulder indifferently. "It's a little hard to talk without a tongue, I'd imagine."

Karai blinked sharply. She hadn't expected that at all. "Tongue...?" she repeated slowly. The removal of one's tongue was considered one of the more aged traditions of the clan, practiced more in Japan than anywhere else for crimes of extreme dishonor. Personally, she found it a little old fashioned. She preferred quick, gory executions for infractions like that, but Grandfather was set in his ways.

Then it clicked- the grey clothes and hair, mangled face, horrifically melancholy gaze. "He's one of the Forlorn?" Karai queried. Leonardo nodded, and she glanced back at the man, wondering briefly at what he must have done to deserve that.

Being made into a Forlorn was the punishment when death was considered too sweet a mercy. Their free will and free thought was stripped from them through truly artistic methods of torture, removing any ability to feel happiness or pleasure while at the same time reinforcing pain, misery, and the memory of their crime until it was the only recollection left to them. Forlorn relived what they had done each and every day of their lives, servants but lower in rank and considered less than human.

"Why haven't I seen him before?" Karai asked, openly staring.

"I told him to stay out of sight."

Her head snapped around to stare at Leonardo instead. "He's yours?" she said, bewildered.

Leonardo lowered his eyes to his hands and started picking at one of his broad nails, scraping something rust colored from underneath it that looked suspiciously like dried blood. "Mm. I told you I received my gift before I left Japan."

Karai's brow wrinkled. Forlorn were bound for life to a master, but getting one usually meant being the victim of the Forlorn's crime, directly related to someone that was or had been the victim should they no longer be living, or having had a grievous injustice done against you by the clan. In that case, the Forlorn was meant to make up for it.

"But why were you-"

The tightening of his shoulders froze her question in her throat with a bloom of heavy weight in her gut.

A grievous injustice or crime...

_So it's true._

Karai wasn't ignorant to the rumors. But she'd hoped, with the residual chords of a caring sister left inside of her, that they hadn't been true. A good 50% of the stories surrounding her own sexual experiences were false, including the ones that said she'd slept with Hun to secure his allegiance. Many soldiers and associates dreamed of laying with an Honored child, mutant or no for either status or, in Leonardo's case, twisted fantasy, and few of them were actually brave enough to try.

But to risk literally EVERYTHING to attempt to force oneself on one of the Shredder's children? Would anyone have been that stupid, that...?

The stiff, mask-like cast to Leonardo's face told her all she needed to know, and she visibly wilted, feeling like she'd been punched.

"Oh." Karai squeaked, suddenly very cold. Though he hadn't moved, she looked back at the soldier, and her mouth was forming the question before she could stop it, lids narrowing to slits. "Is this...?"

 _Is this the one that did it?_ She thought she saw the Forlorn shake slightly from the tone in her voice.

Leonardo still wasn't looking at her. "No." He spit the word out like a piece of gristle, and the small flare of dangerous, vengeful anger kindling in Karai's heart sputtered slightly. Leonardo's fingers curled around invisible sword hilts. "I was given the honor of killing him myself."

At least the bastard was dead, and she was sure Leonardo had made him suffer greatly before ending his life.  _Still,_ Karai thought, frowning,  _Grandfather failed him. A righteous execution and a Forlorn isn't enough to make up for that happening under his roof._ "I wish you had told me." Karai mumbled, wanting desperately to reach out and touch him, but unsure of how he would react. "If I'd known, I would've..."

Leonardo smirked, but there was no trace of humor in the expression, and he still wasn't looking at her. She didn't know whether to be sad or grateful. "I did. Or tried to, at least." he said.

When?" Karai yelped. She flinched when Leonardo finally met her gaze, and all the painful torment he usually covered so efficiently shone out at her like a spotlight.

"Don't you remember, sister? I sent a letter."

She felt like she'd taken a sip of poison. She could only imagine what response he'd received, with their correspondence being altered for 5 years to make them hate each other. "I'm...I never saw it," she stammered. "I'm sure Father doesn't know. He likely never read it, a servant probably fabricated my response, or..."

That had most likely been the final nail in the coffin of their relationship, from Leonardo's end at least. Her injured, violated, broken little brother, reaching out to her after being shattered that way, and getting some kind of cold rebuke from someone pretending to be her under her Father's orders...

Leonardo snorted dryly. "Sure."

Karai swallowed air and dragged her hand briskly over her face, hoping that by the time it reached her hairline her eyes wouldn't look so red-rimmed or sting with the threat of tears. They sat in contemplative silence for a while, until Leonardo shifted slightly. "I should go," he said finally.

Karai appraised him with a fresh surge of empathy turning her lips down at the corners. For all that she might distrust him at times or be wary of him, Leonardo still held a part of her heart, and she was quickly tiring of pretending not to care about him, lust aside.

Maybe it was just her pain medication making her emotional and vulnerable-acting.

"Brother, Leonardo... are you well? You look..."

He looked tired, almost ill with exhaustion. Bruises, old and new, covered every inch of his exposed green skin. Angry, stressful energy clung to him like a static charge.

She trailed off awkwardly, and received another flat smile. "Shouldn't I be asking that question, Sister?" Leonardo shot back, eyes skipping over her face to focus on the door. "I'm not the one in bandages."

 _Physically, perhaps._ Karai scowled, lowering her tone to a conspiratory mumble. "Le-Le," she said, knowing that the old, childish nickname would get his attention. She was right- Leonardo stiffened in surprise and looked back at her with a huff. "You look unwell. Tell me, and I can help you. Is it the turtles? Or the issues with the cargo?"

Leonardo sighed heavily and shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut and fisting the sides of his charcoal mask. "The Dragons,  _Aneki_. There's been an insurrection. Hun is dead, and Father is making me clean up the mess." Karai made a shocked noise, but he pushed ahead. "I've had to take over your duties since you've been here. I have to deal with the turtles, this problem with a leak and some reporter..."

Karai  _tsked_  sympathetically in lieu of actual words. There wasn't much to say to that. Months ago, she would have been delighted to hear that Leonardo was overwhelmed. "Everything passes," she said at last, parroting one of their instructors favorite sayings. "Except the clan."

"Except the clan," Leonardo muttered, almost sarcastically.

Karai found her eyes drawn back to the silent soldier; a thought began to form in her mind. She pursed her lips. "I wonder, would you lend him to me?"

Leonardo shook himself and stood, inclining his head towards his Forlorn with unreadable eyes. "That's why he's here. I figured you would need some help for your first few days back on your feet."

An offering- the Forlorn was an olive branch. They were entering a new era of peace. Clearly Leonardo was as sick of their facade of psuedo hatred as she was. How long it would last, however, remained to be seen. Karai dipped her chin demurely, straining not to think too hard until he left.

"Thank you,  _Otōto_."

"Of course."

When he was gone, Karai brought her fist up to her lips and narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. There had been resentment in Leonardo's tone when he'd talked about the Shredder, more than normal. If she helped Leonard, he was more likely to return the favor by agreeing to her plan to oust their father.

Leadership and peace with her brother- and hopefully much more- was close enough that she could taste it. It only needed a slight... push.

Her communicator pulsed with light and beeped on her bedside table, interrupting her scheming. She reached for it and clipped it into her ear. "What?"

_**"*Bad news, Mistress. We've heard word from Flannigan. O'Neil wrote the story, and she's planning to publish it later today, through an independent source.*"** _

Fury instantly ignited in her veins, black and rotten. Karai bared her teeth and snarled. Her nail beds itched with the need to be buried in O'Neil's throat.

_How dare that meddling bitch-!?_

Wait.

Inexplicably, a sort of calm came over her, cooling her rage slightly. The clan controlled the press, at least the outlets that most people believed. The "independent source" wrinkle threw a wrench in deciding how to respond- O'Neil might have been a silly, nosy nuisance, but she wasn't a complete imbecile. She'd listened to what Karai had told her, that someone at her paper would rat her out if she continued. But in doing so, she'd more than halved the importance and notice her story would have by going independent.

Tabloids simply weren't believable. And the story and its writer could always be spun as lies and liar after the fact. It wouldn't be easy, and a few minor heads would roll during the process, but it could be done.

And if Karai was being honest with herself, part of her had been secretly hoping that April would try to continue so that she could...reciprocate.

A wicked smile curled over her lips, warping her pixie-like features into a sadistic caricature. "Do we have an identity for the traitor, yet?" she replied.

The soldier on the other end of the line paused slightly, startled at her even, measured response.  _ **"*Er...not an exact name, but based on the draft of the story we recovered from O'Neil's online files and printouts of her texts from her phone provider, it's most likely one battalion soldier in particular.*"**_

_Well, first thing's first._

"Detain them for questioning," Karai ordered slowly, rolling the words around her mouth like chocolate. "Incidentally, when does the next shipment leave the country?"

_**"*Two days, ma'am.*"** _

"Excellent," Karai purred, dragging her tongue along her bottom lip. "Thank you." Still grinning, she ended the connection and whipped her chin around to glare at the Forlorn, who hadn't moved or made a sound the entire time.

"You," she barked, kicking free of her thin covers, "help me up. We have business to attend to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Aneki: A contraction for older sister/sibling, or at least that's what I was told. Still not Japanese.  
> If I'm ever THIS LATE again, feel free to send mental slaps to Detroit.)


	54. Super Snoopers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which privacy is repeatedly invaded, things are learned, and April begins to pay her pound of flesh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: WHY IS MY ART DISAPPEARING HJIUFGYHTKYLS FUCK
> 
> Yooo everyone, welcome back! This is a real chapter, whut-whut! Real quick, I'm starting a new job where I mostly sit on my ass, so chapters might get finished quicker than before! Jumping straight into the plot! I'm trying out a more immersive, descriptive writing style, but forgive me if I'm a little rusty. Also, after this goes up, I'm gonna be buffing up previous chapters to get them up to snuff- making dates clearer, distinctions between which character is thinking and saying what, etc. I'm working backwards, last chapter is already done.
> 
> From here on out it's 99.9% plot, but if you want a few more smutty bits, tell me quick so I can try to fit them in to the earlier events.
> 
> In this chapter, it's Halloween Eve. It's gonna be a long one, too. Turtle shells mean same character, different scene or mindset.)

As hard as Donatello had tried to put his disturbing experience in the junkyard those few nights ago out of his mind by drowning his brain in loads of minutia and dummy work, he'd so far been completely unsuccessful. More than the gruesome murder he'd witnessed- which in all honesty, he was long desensitized to things like that- the reasoning behind what had happened tormented his waking thoughts and sleeping subconscious in increasing volume the longer he tried to let it go.

He was constantly distracted, falling behind on his projects and initiatives to the point that his family even began to comment on his aloofness and agitation, which was a huge indicator of how big the problem was in of itself. Donatello had always been good with hiding his issues and emotions better than his brothers, therefore flying mostly under the radar. They'd all collectively decided that it was pointless to try and parse out what might be bothering him at any given moment, so if they had all begun to show any awareness about it (Raph distantly and gruffly, Mikey nervously, and Splinter confused but more supportive than usual), that meant that he wasn't doing a good enough job of it.

It got to the point that, on the afternoon leading up to Halloween, when he should have been boosting the tunnel detection systems and double checking the lair's security sensors in order to safeguard them from discovery by rebellious or adventurous human teenagers, or the Foot, who favored the holiday every year as a possibility to attack, or helping Raphael make plans for their extended patrol the next night, or any other hundred and ten tasks he hadn't completed, Donatello found himself seated in his chair in the middle of his lab, staring at his reflection in the blank computer screen across the room, chewing viciously on a soggy pen cap and running the murdered Dragon's last syllables through his mind over and over.

His own nature was tearing him to shreds over this. He'd always relished difficult, evasive puzzles, and the itch in his mind was driving him to solve it. But the closer he got to an answer, the implications for his family were so horrific he wanted to shy away from them.

Unfortunately (fortunately?), the mangled sounds of a dying man weren't a lot to go off of.

"Not enough variables," Donnie muttered past the pen, furrowing his eye ridges and bouncing his finger repeatedly off the space bar on his keyboard, the rhythmic clicks helping him think. "Can't know X if I don't have Y..."

Or W, Z and any other letter of the alphabet. He just didn't know anything. Internally, he berated himself over sending out the bug so early. It would have been a lot more useful now than before. Unfortunately and rather suspiciously, the Foot had been avoiding them like the black plague on their patrols, making planting a new one damnear impossible. And there was no chance that the old one was still transmitting, or even still whole-

"Unless it is..." Donatello whispered to himself, watching his own lips move in the blank screen. "Unless it is."

His signals were good for up to two years with no maintenance, and he'd intentionally made the device as small as he could- barely bigger than a pinhead- so chances it had been discovered were minimal. He'd turned the signal off a few days after the first reveal that he now knew to be a conversation about Leonardo's imminent arrival, having gleaned nothing interesting since then.

But taking those factors into account, if the signal was good and the device unharmed...he might still have a live bug somewhere in the Foot base, right when and where he needed it.

In a flash, Donatello rolled himself back over to his desk and rebooted his computer, fidgeting like a hyper child as he waited for it to come online. As soon as it did, he logged into the program he used to control the listening devices he created (bootlegged illegally and untraceable from the CIA template). It only took a second for the signal to be picked up, blessedly clear and strong from across the city.

"Thank you," Donatello breathed, hitting the key that would power up the bug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Waiting for the transmission to begin was like waiting for the rapture, but eventually the speaker on his desk began to hiss and crackle with what sounded like an air current, close to the ground.

Donatello plugged in his earbuds and sat on his hands to keep from fiddling with the settings, sweating lightly and heart thrumming in his throat. "Give me something good," he pleaded.

It took ten minutes, during which time he aged thirty years, but eventually, he began to hear something more than air.

_**"*-...sure they're all here...-*"** _

Donatello jumped a foot in his seat. He opened his mouth and started to call for his family, but something stopped him right as the words formed on his tongue. A heavy, nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach made him pause and urged him to keep this to himself.

Whatever he heard, he had no doubt that it would frighten Mikey, make Splinter paranoid and agitated, and Raphael...was acting strangely anyway. Maybe it was best if he figured out what was happening more concretely, before involving anyone else.

So instead of calling for them, he nudged his door closed with his foot until the lock clicked in the tumbler, and guiltily turned back to the computer, adjusting his earbud to hear better.

_**"*Is that the last one? How many is that?*"** _

_**"*Sixteen. More than enough, if the descriptions were right. Two got damaged in the scuffle, but everything we recovered was viable. We're good.*"** _

The conversation sounded like it was between two grunts. According to the map of Foot Tower that Donnie had pieced together from snatches of sonar, radio transmissions from the device, and sheer memory after having to escape from that place so many times, the bug was in one of the lower level loading docks. Most likely it had dropped from the earlier soldier's uniform weeks ago and been kicked into a corner.

**_"*Karai would have noticed those missing ones, you know.*"_ **

**_"*Yeah, well, thank god for small and convenient miracles, right? Whoever attacked her had balls, but that was a nice break for the rest of us.*"_ **

**_"*She probably had it coming, with the way she treats people around here.*"_ **

Donatello stiffened a little in his seat. Karai had been attacked? And severely, from the way the second man made it sound? Had Leonardo been attacked as well?

He cursed the Foot's habit of talking ambiguously all the time, even amongst themselves. It was doubtful he would learn what 'sixteen' items they were referring to, or hear exactly what had happened to Karai.

_**"*They said leave them here until the workers were ready to go.*"** _

_**"*The Dragons should be doing this crap. I'm no laborer.*"** _

_**"*Didn't you hear? That contract is on the fritz. Hun was killed by that psycho turtle and they're all slaughtering each other now. Lord Shredder has Leonardo searching for that freak day and night.*"** _

_**"*Hell...have you seen him lately? He looks like shit.*"** _

" ** _*He always looks like shit,*"_**  the first man chuckled quietly, and they shared a malicious little laugh.  _ **"*I guess he's finally doing real work now. Can't just freeload around here, even if you are the Lord's 'son'.*"**_

_**"*Yeah, but remember a few months ago? Lord Shredder thrashed him pretty good, I heard. I wonder what he did to deserve it, being the apple of daddy's eye and all that.*"** _

The second man lowered his voice even further, and Donatello had to turn up the volume on the monitor to hear his hushed mumble.  _ **"*One of the throne room guards told me it was because of Karai...apparently, they were screwing around, and the Lord didn't like that too much. She caught it bad, too.*"**_

_**"*Holy...no way. They treat each other like brother and sister, don't they? And he's all...abnormal. God, how could she bring herself to...?*"** _

_**"*She's always been a sick bitch, you know that.*"**_ The first man grunted in agreement, and there was a short moment of silence.  _ **"*Time's almost up. When do they want this primed?*"**_

_**"*Not for a while. Just put it in the chill lockers until they call for it, probably around the first real frost. We have to be patient, but it'll be well worth it.*"** _

_**"*I hope so.*"** _

Their footsteps faded away, and the low hiss of the air current took their place. Robotically, limbs frozen with shock, Donatello ended the transmission and slowly pulled the buds from his earslits, shaking slightly.

His mind immediately focused on the most damning and important information- Hun's death. There was no doubt about who the 'psycho turtle' they were talking about was. Donatello knew he hadn't killed anyone, Michelangelo wasn't a murderer, and if Leonardo had been tasked with catching the culprit, that left only one option.

Betrayed anger suddenly boiled through the numbing effects of his dread. Donatello grabbed the closest thing to him- a palm sized glass globe that he'd had since he was a child- and threw it hard at the wall, darkly satisfied at the way it shattered into sharp, glittering fragments against the stone.

"DAMN IT!" He yelled, pitching forward in his seat and bunching the sides of his violet mask between his sweaty fingers. "Damn you, Raph! Fuck!"

Why!? Why did he always have to do this to them?! It never ended, never! It was like he was determined to have them all destroyed right along with himself! Why hadn't he SAID ANYTHING?!

Donatello threw two more things, an empty mug and a half finished mini-bot he'd been working on, before his burst of emotional anger finally cooled down and he was able to think and breathe more clearly without the threat of enraged tears stinging his eyes.

He slumped in his chair and curved inward until he could, with some difficulty, put his head mostly between his knees, savoring the rush of blood to his brain and the flush filling his face. Sitting like that had always helped him think as a kid, and so had laying upside down, but he could only do that on his bed or on the couch. He didn't feel like leaving the lab for either place. If Mikey caught him in the living room, he'd have to deal with teasing from the youngest, and he didn't want to run the risk of bumping into Raphael on the way to any other location.

They hadn't physically, seriously fought in  _years_ , but right then, Donatello was afraid he might try to rip his brother's head clean off.

He shivered once, in anger, then turned his thoughts back to what he'd heard.

So Hun was dead by his brother's hand, and the Dragons were trying to implement a new chain of command. Once that happened, they'd likely turn their attention to seeking revenge for their leader, and that needed preparing for.

But where did that leave the Foot? Leonardo was supposedly searching for Raph, but if that was true, he hadn't been doing a very good job of it. He would have had to been purposely missing them to not have caught them yet.

His family hadn't been actively hiding out, and like Donnie had noted, the clan had been strangely absent in recent times.

But it sounded like they had their own problems. Karai had been mysteriously attacked, and Leonardo was apparently faring badly. Less importantly, he and Karai were engaged in some sort of psuedo-incest, cross species relationship that the Shredder had outed and punished them for.

Donatello took a moment to be equal parts disgusted and vindictively happy, quickly shoving down the shameful thoughts that rose to remind him of his own hypocritical desire for his sibling.

' _That's different, somehow,_ ' he rationalized to himself. He just...didn't know how, exactly, but it was. It had to be.

In any case...it sounded like the Foot was also planning something for the winter, something that required the 'priming' of the items the grunts had been discussing.

Sighing deeply, emotions mostly under control but not totally, Donatello sat back up and dug his knuckles into his temples. He was at least off of square one, albeit barely.

A light knock on his door startled him a bit, and Mikey's voice, thick with something he was chewing, filtered through the heavy steel. "Yo, Donnie? You alive in there, dude?"

Donatello cleared his throat. "Yes, what?"

"Splinter says to tell you that lunch'll be ready in a bit." Mikey replied. "You want me to leave it outside the door, or...?"

"N-no, I'll be out. Thanks," Donatello called back, turning off his computer and standing up.

One thing that he did know- Raphael's strange actions had more to do with just killing Hun. Something was going on with him, and Shredder's adopted son, and the two enemy clans past simple blood feuds, and Donatello was getting sick of being left out of the loop.

He would find out what was happening, even if it replied a more...hands on approach.

* * *

Above his head, Raphael was having his own moral and mental problems. When Mikey came to summon him to eat, he'd waved his brother away, claiming a headache and lack of appetite.

That part, at least, was true. Instead of laying down, he was sitting straight up in his hammock bed, chin in his hands, staring intently at the innocuous looking form of a burner phone on his dresser like it was a loaded gun and quietly (for once) stressing out about it.

"Don't do it, dumbass," Raph hissed to himself. "Don't do it. Ya ain't got no reason."

He was trying to convince himself not to do anything stupid, and fucking shocker, and it wasn't working, because the burner wasn't his...it was Leonardo's.

The black masked turtle had dropped it the night he killed Hun, most likely knocking it out of his belt during the struggle with Raph, and after he'd left, Raphael had found it balancing precariously near the edge of the roof railing.

He'd started to go after Leonardo and return it that instant, swear on everything he loved, but in the aftermath of the shock of witnessing and then being blamed for a gruesome murder, his priorities had been a little scrambled, thank you very damn much.

After that, he'd meant to return it during one of the increasingly few times they met up- once every few weeks, at that point- but every time he tried, he just...couldn't. In all honesty, he'd expected Leonardo to realize what had happened immediately and demand the thing back, but he never had, and that was concerning all its own, proof to how tired and broken down he'd become since Hun's demise. Leo had only asked him once did he have it, and when Raph had lied, he'd only shrugged and drifted off into a fitful sleep. A few days later, he'd sent Raph a text from a new throw-away, and they hadn't talked about it after that.

The phone had been burning a hole in Raph's belt, an uncomfortable, strange deceit that sent an awful shudder running down his spinal scutes when he thought about it. He didn't know why, but the thought of giving it back made him feel sick.

No, scratch that. That wasn't true. He did know why, and he hated himself for thinking it...but...

Leonardo had lied to him, and badly. If he was capable of thrusting the blame for Hun on Raph without barely blinking, then god knew what the hell else he could be lying about or kept hidden. The Foot, including Leonardo, were acting cagey and weird all of a sudden. They hadn't seen hide or hair of Karai in weeks, and the random kidnapping of kids had stopped as quickly as it had begun, leaving nothing but crying families and cold leads behind.

If Leo had anything to do with any of that, or if he was in trouble with his clan in any way...

_'You still don't trust him, and he don't trust you. Yer both still assholes.'_

"Fuck," Raph exhaled harshly, scrubbing at his face with his wrists. Leonardo had assured him that everything was as fine as it could be, but the rank scent of bullshit was all over that. He wanted to assume that Leo was telling the truth, and it hurt him to the core to think that after all this time he was still being played by the person he'd given his heart to.

But if it turned out he was wrong, then, well. If he was wrong, and that phone proved him to be as big a dumbass as he had a horrible, nagging suspicion that he might have been, at least he'd finally be in the damn loop.

And yeah, it might set them back a hundred fucking steps, but nothing would set them back as much as one of them turning up dead in a goddamn gutter. Plus, who was to say that Leo hadn't glanced at his shell cell once or twice? If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't be pissed.

Using that (admittedly weak as shit) logic, Raphael slowly reached for the phone, mouth dry and stomach roiling nastily. It sat silently and accusingly in his hand as he stared at it, identical to his own aside from a strip of dark blue tape fixed to the back, setting them apart in case they got mixed up in the motel room. Raph had turned it off as a precaution, but Leo had said the things were untraceable anyway.

Still, he felt like he was cracking open a bomb when he slid his broad nail under the edge of the top screen and flipped it open, mashing his thumb into the power button to turn it on. It did so with a little beep and a pop of white light. Raph almost threw it down and away three times while he waited for the simple home screen to load, and when it did, his hand was shaking so badly he could hardly press the messaging icon.

He hoped, fervently, that the damn thing would have something extra on it like a fingerprint or eyeball scanner, or some stupid super spy shit, but all it did was ask him to type in a three digit code, which he did (he'd watched Leonardo do it on the sly, once, a long ass time ago when they'd still been mostly enemies with benefits).

All while he was putting in the numbers, 8-5-0, guilt was chewing up his intestines and spitting them up to clog his throat. When he blinked, he saw the last, real smile he'd gotten out of Leo before the clusterfuck with Hun- a sweet one, a real one.

It was in July, when he'd said his birthday, or at least the one Karai had assigned to him the day she found him, was. Raph, on a terribly mushy and gross impulse, had helped himself to a rejected cupcake from a bakery and given it to him, blushing and pissed at his own sentimental bullshit.

It was an ugly thing, misshapen with tacky, too-sugary blue frosting smushed and smeared all over the box, but Leo had liked it. He'd said no one had ever bothered except for Karai, when they were kids, and he Raph had eaten it together, licking icing from places that made each other shudder and moan.

The phone chimed as it accepted the code, bringing Raphael abruptly back to the present. He surveyed the phone and saw that where he only had one message contact, Leo had three- Raphael himself, under "R", a "K" that most likely stood for Karai, and an "H".

_No turning back now, dumbass._

Straightening his shoulders, Raph tapped open the "K" thread and started slowly flicking through the messages.

Most of it was unreadable, either in some kind of code or shorthand, but the bits that he did understand where chilling. There were coordinates and streets being sent back and forth that were uncomfortably close to where the lair was located, and dates listed alongside ship names next to things in parentheses, things like  **"heroin, opi, .rnds"**.

He wasn't able to understand anything that looked personal, but it looked like Leo and his sister figure had been having some pretty emotional conversations in between business. Raph was almost relieved that he couldn't read that- god only knew what kind of crazy shit Karai had to say.

The more he read from Karai's stream, the better he felt about what he was doing. Yeah, the Foot was up to some hella illegal shit, but he already knew that. So far, he'd seen nothing truly incriminating.

He closed Karai's thread and opened the second one, "H", more confident than before. These were mostly in shorthand English.

**L: «r the last ones secure?»**

**H: «YHS. 1 b, 2 g.»**

**L: «Where they injured?»**

**H: «1 refused the sedat. Had to be incapacit. Slight bruise, nothing more.»**

**L: «No violence. They need to be unmarked. Understand?»**

**H: «YHS. Childs cargo will ship out on night of 30th.»**

**L: «Confirm.»**

Childs cargo...

_"It's been a while since I lied to you, Raphael...relax..."_

**(#)(#)(#)**

_(FB)_

_"What's wrong with you?" Leonardo asked, mock serious, wiping a smear of blue frosting off of his cheek. They were laying tangled in the too small motel bed together, blue in spots and green in others all down their bodies. "I thought you enjoyed that."_

_Raph grunted past his finger in his mouth and pulled it out, swallowing the colored mess he'd managed to suck from under his fingernails. "Yeah, ah did. Ya know I did."_

_"Then why do you look like someone just died?" Leonardo countered, hiking a disbelieving eyeridge._

_Raph sighed gruffly. "Just reminded me a somethin'. The kids going missin'. We still don't got any leads. One of 'em was snatched from their own birthday party." He normally wouldn't have said anything- Leonardo was Foot, after all, but Cody's birthday had just passed, and that one had bothered him more than the others._

_"...Ah." Leo let out a small noise and didn't say anything else._

_"You sure the Foot don't have anything ta do with that?" Raph blurted suddenly, fixing Leo with a side-eye. "I mean, ya'd tell me, right? Those're kids, Leo."_

_Leonardo snorted softly and averted his gaze with a small shrug. "My ranks need soldiers, not kids. We don't have time to raise anyone. What would we do with children?"_

_Raph frowned, but couldn't detect any lie in his words. "Yeah..."_

_Leo rolled his eyes and undid his mask from around his face to scrape a bit of drying frosting off the black fabric._ _"It's been a while since I lied to you, Raphael. Relax."_

**(#)(#)(#)**

The phone slipped from Raph's slack grip and hit the floor with a clatter, but he hardly heard it over the sound of his pulse hammering in his eardrums. His skin was crawling with rage, and his blood was flashing hot and cold in his veins. He shot to his feet, breathing more heavily with each passing moment.

STUPID STUPID DUMBASS MOTHERFUCKING IDIOT-

Childs cargo. It didn't take a professor to realize what they were talking about. The Foot clan was shipping kids like vases, and Leonardo had LIED ABOUT IT, because of FUCKING COURSE HE HAD.

Raph's brain and fists pulsed and ached as the need to do something violent built up in his muscles, and the color and scent of red rage rolled in over his senses. As quickly as it had come, however, the anger faded into thorny, sharp hurt and disappointment.

Still, STILL, after all this time, everything that they'd...

Raphael sat down heavily in his hammock, kicking the phone away harshly and dragging his nails across his scalp, hoping the painful release would help him not do anything too crazy (yet).

He was angry, sure as shit, but he also wanted to know WHY.

Far away and outside of his head, his own burner chimed gently, ironically, sarcastically. Raphael didn't check it- he knew what it meant. Leonardo was asking to meet.

And he'd say yes,  _fuck yes_ , because he'd get the truth if it fucking killed him.

* * *

Elena Rawlins- or Miss Ellie, as the students were...let's say,  _encouraged_  to call her- absolutely  _hated_  dismissal duty at St. Alexander's preschool. Usually, she would have been long gone by the time final recess was over, but Miss Coral had gone home during lunch with a suspiciously reddened eye after holding hands with Lily Simpkin on the way to the restroom, who also had suspiciously reddened eyes all week.

That sandbox truly was a cesspool of disease.

In any case, trying to successfully corral thirty 5 year-olds out away from the toys, out of the building, out to the corner, and get them all safely onto the school bus without anyone getting lost, abducted, run over, or otherwise was exactly as stressful as it sounded, and by the time her class reached the 'on the corner' phase, Miss Ellie had her teeth on edge, three cracked nails,  _another_ mysterious stain in her sweater that she'd most likely never get out, and thoughts of early retirement.

She was reaching the end of her rope, and it was obvious in her voice. "James, honey, we don't eat suckers that we see on the ground, that's not clean- Cassie, now is not the time for hopscotch, sweetie- Marla, get his finger out of your nose RIGHT THIS MINUTE-"

"Hell _ooo_? Teach-uh lay-dee?"

Miss Ellie dragged her eyes away from the mass of screaming, squirming toddlers to focus on the woman standing in front of her who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, recoiling slightly when they made eye contact. She hadn't heard her approach at all, strangely.

"Eh, yes, hello? You are..." she said, trailing off slowly while she wracked her memory. She'd never seen this woman before- a positively tiny, young looking Asian girl wearing a sunny yellow dress and a bright smile stretched across her pale pink cheeks, with a diaper bag slung over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Miss Ellie said finally, trying to shift her expression from stressed to encouraging. "I don't remember seeing you here."

The woman tilted her head and frowned delicately, thinking hard, then took a deep breath. "I latchukey?" she said, in the thickest oriental accent Miss Ellie had ever heard. "Latchukey servuce? Foru bay-bies?" She gestured to the group of kids still squalling around their feet, then pointed to where a van with a label the same color of her dress that read 'Sunny Faces After-School Care' sat idling in the parking lot, complete with smiling sun decals.

"Oh! Oh, of course..." Miss Ellie laughed, slightly bewildered that the woman ran or worked for a latchkey service and barely spoke English. Come to think of it, she'd never heard of Sunny Faces...

"You're here to pick up kids?" she asked, slowly and clearly, eyebrow raised. When the woman nodded, Miss Ellie straightened her back a little. "Well, I'll need some written verification from the parents-" She stopped and sighed internally when the woman looked confused again. "Sig-na-ture?" she said, miming signing a paper and giving a thumbs up, "from mom-my or dad-dy? A-Okay?"

The cheerful smile made its reappearance, and the woman seemed to understand. She reached into the pocket of her dress and removed a slip of paper identical to the goldenrod sheets they used in the office and distributed to the parents and all the other after-school companies. Miss Ellie took it and scanned it once over, one eye tracking her students distractedly- it was correct and real, from what she could see.

She shrugged and offered a smile of her own as she returned the sheet. "Thank you," she said. "We have to make sure, you know..."

The woman bobbed her head and fluttered her hand good-naturedly. Miss Ellie turned and put her fingers to her mouth, loosing a sharp whistle at her assembled group to get their attention. "Tessie, Sam, Chara, and Cody?" Four sets of wide eyes fixated on her face, and they came skipping when she beckoned them over.

"You'll be going home with Miss..." She paused again- she didn't even know this woman's name. "I'm sorry, what's your name?  _Name_?"

The woman blinked, taking time to parse out her words, but the smile wasn't long in coming. "Oh! Uh, I name Harmony." she said, pointing at herself enthusiastically.

"You'll be going home with Miss Harmony," Miss Ellie finished. Tessie, Sam and Chara all nodded obediently, but as predicted, Cody O'Neil just  _had_  to have some sort of input, the way he always did.

"But Miss Ellie," the redhead interrupted loudly, "my mama said I have to take the bus home. She said I HAVE to take the bus, and-"

Miss Ellie just barely restrained herself from showing her teeth in an exhausted snarl. Never let it be said that she thought the press was the enemy of the state, but reporters definitely raised some nosy, willful, agitating offspring.

"Cody," she started slowly, trying not to yell and thankfully succeeding, "what have we said about grown ups knowing best? Your mommy signed a piece of paper that says you need to go with Miss Harmony today. She said it was alright, you see? We talked to her."

"She didn't tell me that," Cody trilled imperiously, tiny chest stuck out indignantly, freckled nose turned up with an air of disbelief and importance. "My mama tells me everything."

_I doubt that, you little...whooo, deep breaths, Elena. Deeeep breaths..._

Utilizing all of her yoga class lessons on serenity and calm, Miss Ellie summoned a smile that she was pretty certain didn't scream  _I wish I had some duct tape right now._ "Your mom is a grownup, honey. And grownups sometimes tell each other things that they don't tell little boys." Unsubtly, she plucked Cody's batman lunchbox from his grip and handed it off to Harmony, ignoring his squawk of protest. "It's time to go, everybody. Make sure you have all of your stuff-"

"But Miss Ellie-!"

"Line up nice and neat, and follow Miss Harmony out to her van-"

"My mama SAID-!"

"Cody, please don't make me repeat myself!" Elena snapped finally. "Get in line behind Tessie and go with Miss Harmony, or I'll take a star from your name chart, and I'll call your daddy for another 'not listening' chat."

Pouting heavily, Cody finally shut his mouth and settled grumpily in line behind Tessie, cheeks as red as his hair. Elena composed herself a little and turned to smile apologetically at the still-waiting day care driver. "Sorry about that. His mother's a reporter, you know, he thinks everything's up for debate..."

Belatedly, she realized that the woman probably had only understood about three quarters of what she'd just said. But there was an almost knowing glint in the asian girl's eyes as she grinned again that made Elena pause.

"We go now?" she gestured, and when she received a nod, she turned and damnear skipped to the parking lot, three out of four of the children happily mimicking her motions behind her, with one stressed out teacher extremely happy to see her go.

**(#)(#)(#)**

Cody didn't skip- he was too upset to do that. He knew his mommy was going to be upset with him for not taking the bus- he only hoped she would be mad at Miss Ellie for not listening to him, too.

The door to the bus opened when they got close to it, and Cody could see that it was dark inside, before Miss Harmony was ushering them up the steps and in. It was impossible to see out of the windows, and there were only two small benches of seats in the front. A man dressed in grey with a scarf covering his face and long hair like a girl's sat in the drivers seat.

"Sit down," Miss Harmony said, suddenly, sharp and chilly. She wasn't smiling anymore, and without it she looked mean and scary. Cody shivered a little, but no one else noticed. The other kids chose their seats quickly, and Cody was left sitting with Sam, who liked to pick his nose when he thought nobody was looking.

He had a funny feeling in his tummy that he didn't like very much at all.

"Miss Harmony?" Chara asked, raising her hand and waving it, nearly knocking Tessie's glasses off her face. "Are we going to your daycare now?"

Miss Harmony gave her a look that Cody had once seen on his mommy's face after Cody once found a dead bird on the sidewalk. She didn't answer Chara- she turned instead to the man in the driver's seat.

"Give them the juice," she said, tugging at the collar of her bright dress. The man grunted and reached beneath his chair, pushing a small white plastic bin out into the aisle. He turned and handed them their own juice pouch, which the children fell on excitedly, all except Cody. He was eyeing his lunchbox, on the floor near Miss Harmony's feet, and scowling as unhappily as he was able.

"What's wrong, Cody?" Sam asked him, in between big sips of his juice.

"I wanna go home," Cody grumbled. "I don't feel good."

Sam grinned and shook his drink in Cody's face. "Aw, it's okay. We got juice! We're prob'bly gonna even get a snack at daycare, too!"

Meanwhile, Miss Harmony had told the driver to go, and the bus had started up. As it started to move, Cody's lunchbox had begun to slide up the aisle towards the back door. He wiggled off of his seat and tried to catch it as it went by, but almost immediately Miss Harmony was in front of him, staring down at him with eyes that were darker than his blackest crayon.

"And just what," she asked, "do you think you're doing, little one?" It was the same thing his grandma called him, but instead of warm and happy, it made him feel small and scared. The funniness was gone from her voice all of a sudden, and her dress was gone, replaced by tight black pajamas.

"M-my lunchbox," Cody stammered, pointing in the direction it had gone. "My mommy said I can't lose it."

Miss Harmony smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile. It reminded him of the one Tom gave to Jerry in the old cartoons his daddy liked to watch. The lunchbox came tumbling back when the bus made a turn, and she stopped it with her foot. She bent down, slowly, and once she had it in her hands, she tossed it roughly into his lap.

"There," she said, "all better." She glanced at his unopened juice pouch, and her smile flickered like a light, but didn't go out. "Won't you take a sip of your juice now? I made it special for you, and I'd hate for it to go to waste."

"My tummy hurts," Cody tried.

"It'll make it better," Miss Harmony replied. "Just take a sip, Cody." Her mouth turned down at the corners, but there was a mean sparkle in her eye. "You wouldn't want me to have a 'not listening' talk with your daddy, would you?"

Close to tears and not really sure why, Cody plunged his straw into the flimsy foil pouch and gulped down several angry sips of it. It was sweet and syrupy like cherry candy, but there was a nasty taste to it that made the back of his tongue curl up and his eyes squint. Miss Harmony finally left him alone, walking towards the front of the bus again.

Cody glared after her, but he squeaked in surprise when Sam's head suddenly knocked against his shoulder. He twisted around to find the blonde boy slumped over in his seat, snoring softly, empty juice pouch hanging from his fingers. The other kids were all asleep, too, red streams of juice dripping out of their mouths like they'd passed out mid-swallow.

"S-Sam?" Cody chattered, shaking his friend by the shoulder. "Sammy?!" Even as he tried to wake Sam up, the world started blurring and slowing down in front of his eyes, colors coming apart like ink in water. A heavy feeling started to take over his fingers, hands, arms and legs, until Cody could barely move an inch.

The last thing he heard before he slipped into unconsciousness was Miss Harmony's laughing.

**(#)(#)(#)**

Karai couldn't help it- she started to laugh once she saw that little redheaded monster's eyes close and his body finally slouch down in his seat, and once she started, she couldn't stop.

Something was FINALLY going her way. Her ploy had worked seamlessly, thanks to irony, coincidence, and the reliable stupidity of common people. She was as giddy as a little girl for the conclusion of her revenge stunt. This way, she'd knocked out four birds with one stone- by the end of it, she would have collected the final debts for the Foot, and succeeded in teaching O'Neil an unforgettable lesson. The only thing that could possibly make it better was being able to somehow witness the expression that would no doubt cross the mite's mother's face when she realized what had happened, but one couldn't have everything.

"Head straight to the tower," she called to Leonardo's Forlorn, "stop for no one and nothing. Go to the loading docks, through the below-ground entrance." He didn't answer, but she knew he would obey. She didn't want anyone to know about her little addition yet. She'd tell Leonardo, later possibly, after it was done and the Shredder had praised her for it. She might even let her brother take some credit for the idea. But not yet.

She strolled down the aisle and kneeled by O'Neil's son, twining her pointed nails in his wreath of scarlet curls and stroking gently, dozens of wicked, vicious thoughts turning over in her mind. The child whimpered once, brokenly, in fear of her even as he slept, and more laughter bubbled out of her chest. She barely withheld herself from digging into his scalp, yearning to feel the warm, reassuring wetness of his blood on her fingers. The less injured he was, the better (unfortunately).

Karai had always found children to be fascinating, in a morbid sort of way. Small, delicate, fragile, stupid things that were somehow expected to survive to adulthood. She never wanted one herself- they could easily be used for blackmail and strong arming- and she couldn't have imagined herself as a child like the ones in comas at her feet. Logically she knew she had been, once, but being born into the Foot clan didn't facilitate lingering in childhood innocence for very long.

She'd been a different kind of child, a born killer. Her own mother hadn't survived her birth.

Drive carefully," Karai ordered, mockingly sweet as she gazed into the child's crumpled face. "We wouldn't want to wake the little babies, would we?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Can you guys believe I got this done in one day? Only way this internship could be better is if they paid me, cause then I'd get money to write for you guys LOLZ. Next one might even be done and out by tomorrow night/early Thursday! Had to cut it though, sorry. Next chapter will be short-ish, but IMPACTING.
> 
> Remember, if you wanna request a quick smut chap, tell me quick so I can try to squeeze it in. If enough people say YAY I'll re add the ones I cut. Otherwise, they'll be drabbles later and I might gift them out when I start doing requests.
> 
> Hey, I'm curious. Have any of you seen any offshoot stories inspired by this one, or claiming to be? I don't mind offshoots- I love them, actually, cause I like to see how people interpret this specific verse *WINK WINK HINT HINT*, but I do want proper credit to go to myself, Kiraynn, S. Seeker, etc. If you see any, lemme know, si?)


	55. Suffer the Little Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Leo and Raph's relationship continues to break down, and April reaps what she sowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Hey guys! This is so late because my laptop charging port decided to take a shit on me and leave me hanging! *murderous smile, eye twitch* Anyway. I got a new laptop that loves me the way I deserve. The plot beez thickening! This thing is LOOONG.)

_He'd been leaving her stuff for weeks._

_It was colder now than it had been in a long time. His pants were soaked, and his jacket was sodden through, not to mention he couldn't feel anything beneath his friggin' knees as he slogged through a river of icy sewer water, but Raphael's chest and tummy were warm with excitement the closer he go to his destination._

_...or maybe it was puke. He hoped it wasn't puke. Then his breath would get gnarly again and he'd actually brushed them this week._

_Raphael carefully stepped over an upraised pipe, careful not to drop the string tied bundle of flowers in his hands. He didn't know what exactly they were- Crybaby Donnie wouldn't let him look at the plant book dad had bought him cause he thought Raph would rip it up, like the animal dictionary- only that they were white and the petals were soft and he'd grabbed them on a scavenger trip before the weather turned cold, keeping them alive on a plate full of water in the oven for a few days. There was a gas leak in there, so it was always warm._

_He knew the girl would be there, the one he'd seen from a grate near central park and hadn't stopped thinking about since. The one with shiny blonde hair done up in two neat pigtails and bangs cut short over big brown eyes, whose family took her to the park every Saturday, and who had a laugh like pink bubbles popping in his ears._

_Girls liked soft, pretty crap, didn't they? In his favorite movie, Belle had liked it when the Beast gave her flowers and dresses and nice stuff, so it should work for him, too. Raphael couldn't get dresses, but he had flowers, and she'd liked the other things he'd found and left for her- hair clips and barrettes, beads, penny toys. She always seemed happy with them, and if she liked his gifts, then that must mean she would like him, even if he looked different._

_If the beast could do it, so could he._

**(#)(#)(#)**

Once he had gotten himself together to the point where any one person who crossed his path wouldn't instantly regret it, including his so-called lover, Raphael invented some barely plausible excuse for his family, like he usually did, and once they all believed that he was heading over to Casey's to watch a game between two teams whose names he made up on the spot, he once again made his way to the motel.

It took him at least half an hour longer than it used to, due to all the ducking, dodging, and doubling back, and general tracks-covering that he had to do to make sure he wasn't being stalked or followed. The weather was turning chilly again, which meant less people below ran the risk of seeing him, but the pedestrians weren't the problem now that he had the entirety of the Purple Dragons and half the fucking Foot Clan after his neck, for something he hadn't even done, no less.

When he finally hauled himself through the window, just as the sun was beginning to sink and the sky overhead was turning from dark blue to a bruised pinkish purple, Raph almost wasn't surprised to find himself the only other living thing in the room, save a few pathetically buzzing flies on the sill. Recently, Leonardo had been late more times than he was early, and this time it was a blessing.

 _'Gives me more time ta not want ta kill him on sight,_ ' Raph growled to himself, crossing his arms heavily over his chest and settling against the far wall next to the door with a scowl etched deeply into his features, trying to push his anger away with every outward exhale.

Truthfully, he couldn't imagine what Leonardo could have to say that would possibly make this any better, but it wouldn't do any good to kill him before the excuse even made it out of his mouth.

He hoped this would go the way he wanted. He had a plan, of sorts, to confront Leo, but the other turtle had a nasty habit of splintering his plans the minute he started to talk.

And Raph didn't want to fight, shockingly, because with the way Leonardo had been acting lately, and how pissed off the whole thing was increasingly making him, the outcome might be far uglier than either of them might expect.

He was alone for about twenty more minutes, long enough that he started to wonder if anyone else was coming at all. But eventually, the frame rattled as the window was opened from the other side, and Leonardo made his appearance. He gave a grunt of recognition that Raph echoed and collapsed heavily into a sitting position on the bed, slumping like the strength had fled his muscles the minute he entered the room. He almost seemed to fall asleep for a second or two, before he roused himself and started pulling off his clothes, slowly, like the motions pained him.

"What kept ya?" Raph rumbled, watching him undress as his stomach turned anew with fresh unease, anger, disappointment and concern.

Leo snorted and raised his shoulder a few inches before dropping it again. "Stuff." he said simply. His voice was ragged and low with fatigue, like he'd been gargling molten staples.

Leonardo looked like ass, like he'd fought the entirety of the Central Park Zoo and just barely made it out, even more so than the night he'd confronted and killed Hun. As his hoodie came away from his pasty skin, multiple violet and black bruises and marks were revealed on his arms and plastron, and the bony surface bore a noticeable increase in scratches and gouges than months before. He was covered in nicks and cuts and spots of bloodied gauze from his neck to his toes, and the small bit of forest green skin around his eyes that was usually visible through the holes in his mask was so baggy and discolored with exhaustion that it almost the same color as the fabric surrounding them.

Hesitation and guilt that he hated himself for stalled the obvious barrage of questions in Raph's throat and reduced him to small talk that sounded insecure to his own ears. "Why'd ya ask ta meet?" he asked, stuttering over the question. "Ya don't look like yer up fer anythin' like the usual."

Those kinds of activities were few and far between. Recently, whenever they met up, Leo was either dead tired or skittish and jumpy like a threatened, wounded animal. Neither mood was very conducive to any kind of serious hanky panky.

In fact, he was pretty damned sure that anything more than a forceful kiss would shatter Leonardo like a china doll, joints and bones made weak from stress snapping and skittering all over. Raph hated seeing Leonardo so increasingly...breakable.

 _If I tried to fuck him, or he tried to fuck me, his heart would probably give the hell out._ He shook the morbid thought away queasily with a jerk of his chin, refocusing in time to hear the answer to his question.

"I needed somewhere safe to sleep for a while," Leonardo was saying, dropping pieces of his armour to the warped floorboards with sharp, poignant  _clink, clink, clinks._ "I'm only allotted two hours of rest at a time at home right now." With some difficulty, he dragged his red, veiny eyes up to meet Raph's gaze. His irises looked dark and huge against his clammy complexion, and he smirked ironically. "I'm supposed to be looking for you. You're a lot harder to miss than you might think."

The twin swords slid off next, and the last bit of armour, the arm brace that he used to cover up his ribbon wrapped scars, came unlatched, and Raph could clearly see even from his position across the room the smudges of new blood between the black bands of silky material.

 _Shit._ His throat closed on his retort, and Leonardo continued what he was doing and saying without pause.

"If you really want to try something, go ahead. But fair warning, I might fall asleep on you." he finished, in a dry enough tone that Raph couldn't really tell whether or not he was kidding. It didn't sound like he was.

Ignoring with some mental strain the nauseating image of anyone, including himself, using a sleeping Leonardo like some kind of messed up fuck doll, and the implications of a past event behind that, Raph uncrossed his arms and stuck his hands in the pocket of his own hoodie.

_Ya came here for a reason, Hamato. Get pissed off, dammit._

Raph swallowed past the dusty feeling in his mouth and sucked in a big breath, barely feeling it inflate his lungs. He needed to be mad to do this, but when he dug in for the anger, all he struck was pity and worry.

"Did'ja ever find yer phone?" he asked, staring intently at a loose thread in his oversized jeans.

 _'He's a liar,'_ Raph snapped to himself internally, ' _he's been lying and he's gonna keep lying and it's gonna get yer family murdered, Mikey and Donnie and Splinter, all three-'_

Leonardo let out a long, tired sigh as he lowered his body horizontally on the mattress, letting his eyes slide three quarters of the way shut. The tension fled visibly from him as he melted into the sagging bed, letting his head roll back. "No," he said shortly.

Raphael clenched his fingers around the phone until the edges bit into his flesh, and he thought of Mikey with his eyes pulled out of the sockets, something Karai had always threatened to do to his little brother. He thought of Donnie's head sliced open, his brain a pile of pale, mushy chunks sitting in a puddle of blood on Bishop's operating table. He thought of Splinter skinned and spread lifelessly at the foot of Shredder's throne like some kind of fucked up animal skin rug, and the images finally unblocked the words clogging his chest, along with a fraction of the emotion needed to back them up.

_'-and it'll be all his fault.'_

"Funny," he started thickly, unsure if his wrist was shaking with either ire or anxiety as he pulled the device out and tossed it onto the floor. The sound of the clatter was deafening in the balanced room- Leonardo on one side, Raphael on the other. The phone came to rest between them like an accusation, like a line in the sand. "Cause I did."

The next few breaths of time happened so slowly, he almost couldn't tell if they happened at all. Like a doll's on a string, Leonardo's head turned on the pillow towards the center of the room. His eyes widened all the way, and his mouth thinned into a line before they narrowed again to flinty brown coals. He propped himself up on one arm, and it hurt Raphael to ignore how his elbow trembled for a split second from supporting his own weight.

"You stole it from me?" Leo asked, quietly with a hint of disbelief.

Raph bristled like a kicked cat. Technically, yes, he had. But that wasn't the issue. Not even close. And he'd be damned if he let Leonardo distract him from his point and purpose this early in the fucking conversation.

"No," Raph spat. "I found it on tha roof. Must'a slipped free when ya were framin' me fer murder."

Leonardo didn't miss a fucking beat. "Holding grudges for this long isn't healthy," he retorted, in that smarmy, teacherly tone that made Raph want to rip his tongue out and feed it to him. "And you may have found it, but you never gave it back. So you stole it."

It was a full feeling of relief to have his beast's anger sing through him again, like a shot of much needed adrenaline or caffeine. Raph felt his skin heat a few degrees with his rising blood pressure, and the vein on the side of his temple throbbed slightly as his heart rate picked up.

"I'd rather be a thief than a liar, like you," he growled, stiffening all over. "I read through it, in case ya hadn't figured that out. Ya should code yer shit more carefully next time."

"I didn't expect you to feel the need to betray me." Leonardo replied, icy ire of his own laced razor sharp beneath his words. "It's funny though, that my saving your life and your reputation with your little family prompted your fishing expedition."

"Is that what ya think you did?!" Raph yelped. "Ya pushed me center stage!"

"If Hun had been left alive-!"

" **SHUT UP**!" Raph barked viciously, cutting across him, taking a dangerous step forward that he didn't even mean to take, or notice that he did. "Ya ain't gonna turn this shit around on me!" He kicked the phone further towards the bed, drawing attention back to it. "I looked cause ya lied ta me and on me about Hun, and now I know ya been lyin' about everythin' else!"

Leonardo finally sat all the way up, but there was no fear in his expression. "If you'd read it, you'd know that I've been feeding my clan false coordinates to keep them away from where I'm pretty sure your bunker is," he hissed. "Or did you only see what you wanted to see?"

Was that supposed to be some kind of favor, or some bullshit reason that meant he could lie like pavement about everything else? Because he hadn't  _killed_ them yet?!

The red started to surge at the edges of his mind and the corners of his vision like boiling water threatening to drown him, but Raphael forced himself to mostly ignore it, even though the beast was gnawing at his twitching muscles with needle sharp fangs and pacing a trail of rage down his spine. "I saw you ordering yer flunkies ta drug an' kidnap kids," Raph snarled. "Kids ya swore ta me that you had nothin' ta do with going missing!"

Leonardo bared his teeth in a sneer. "I never  _swore_  anything to you regarding that," he snapped. "And what does it matter if I did? Look past your bullshit hero complex for one second, and tell me what those kids have to do with you or your  _family_."

That struck a nerve a little too close to home, mostly because Leonardo was right. And Raphael hated when he was right, just like he hated the jeering twist to Leonardo's lips and the sarcastic shade in his voice whenever he said the word 'family'.

_Manipulative **asshole!**_

"You said you didn't need 'em!" Raph yelled, voice getting louder with each word. "' _Mah clan don't have time ta train children_ ', 'member that crock of shit?"

Leonardo rolled his eyes in a jerky motion, refusing to shrink in the face of Raph's quickly slipping control. "It's debt collection, since you want to know so badly. Their families owe the Foot clan a variety of massive amounts, and if they refuse to cough it up, the children are taken to Japan as collateral." He wiped a hand over his brow, exasperated. "They aren't harmed, and we give them back once we receive what we're owed. It's a practice we've done for centuries."

Raph went cold all over. "And if ya don't get paid?" he rasped hoarsely, intestines churning.

Leonardo met his gaze evenly for a long time. "Then they  _become_  the payment." he said eventually, emotionlessly. "They're absorbed into the clan, or they become servants overseas."

Raph felt like he was going to barf. He'd been trying to stop the disappearances since they'd started, and the source had been right under his nose, practically in his own bed.

_Should have known, should have **known**._

The flames in his head and heart crawled higher, threatening to destroy the little bit of reason and self control he still possessed. Rivulets of sweat trickled down the backs of Raphael's neck and into his shell. The room was hot, too hot, heavy like a storm was about to break. "And ya can live with that?!"

"It's better than what I had," Leonardo said frigidly. "Nine times out of ten, they won't have to be soldiers, or even go through seduction training. Worst case scenario, if their parents go too long without paying, they get auctioned out to other people affiliated with the clan." He shrugged carelessly, and Raph honestly wanted to smash his face in. "Whatever happens to them after that is not our concern, or our fault."

"Is that tha Shredder talkin', or you?" Raph demanded.

Times like this, faced with more reminders of Leonardo's dishonesty, it was easy to see him the way Shredder no doubt did- as a murderous, brainwashed robot, programmed to lie and deceive and hurt with every breath and every action.

"It's me, because it's true," Leonardo told him, eyes hard, managing to make his glare intimidating, even sitting down as he was. "Those people knew their prices, and they knew the risk. But you still haven't answered my question. Why do you care so much about a few random human brats?"

He wasn't talking about Cody, obviously, but even still, it sounded like he was. And that just did  _wonders_ for Raph's already ignited temper.

"Ah told ya about mah nephew a long time ago, and as stupid as mah life might seem ta you, I am a hero," Raph said hotly. His knuckles shifted audibly when Leonardo  _laughed in his fucking face,_ and the heat burned anew.

Leonardo knew  _of_ Cody, and even then he didn't know the kid's last name or who he really was. But he knew how Raph felt about him, and that itself felt like an insult.

"You think stopping carjackers and petty thieves means you're making a difference?" Leonardo asked rhetorically. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe we've already taken over the city, and we just let you believe that we haven't to keep you occupied and out of our way?" He snorted and shook his head. "If I informed you about everything the Foot clan does, we'd be obsolete and out of business in a month, you'd make sure of that."

Leonardo's fingers shook when he went to wipe his forehead again, but his glare was steady when it connected to Raphael's. "This is part of me, and you knew that when you agreed to this."

_He ain't wrong, but that **still**  ain't the issue._

Raphael snapped his teeth furiously in Leonardo's direction like an agitated bulldog. "Aside from that, ya lied ta me! AGAIN! I can't trust shit that comes outta yer fuckin' mouth!" He dragged his fist down the side of his head, like he could push out the enraged whistle starting up in the back of his skull and to clear some of the red from his sight, barely,  _barely_ keeping a handle on himself. "Ya wouldn't know tha truth if it kicked yer ass up and down tha city! Yer a liar and you'll never be anything else! And I'm 'sposed ta believe that you love me so much, and ya got everything under control, and yards of other bullshit THAT I DON'T KNOW IS REAL OR NOT!"

He was screaming by the end, vocal cords burning as he did so, having finally lost at least his control over his volume. But Leonardo still refused to back down.

" _Go and tell your family about all of this, then!"_ Leonardo yelled back, finally jumping to his feet and striding forward until he was only a few inches in front of the other male, blushing a furious red-brown, canines bared, literally fizzing with nervous energy, looking as openly angry as Raph had ever seen him. Despite him being near totally drained, he didn't wobble when he stood. He swept his arms out to the side, gesturing to the general area in disgust, blinking fast like he was starting to see spots. "Since you love the truth so much all of a sudden! We'll even show them the video Hun took as proof. Then we'll both be dead and none of this will even matter! Does that sound good!?"

He let out a hysterical, choking laugh, and Raph took a small moment to be stunned. Leonardo looked...unstable, seconds away from some kind of breakdown, almost completely undone. He looked like a poor copy of the self controlled master-of-all that he tried to be at all times. It was like watching a porcelain mask shatter in slow motion, real time- shards and pieces of icy, slick material falling away to reveal a mess of oozing stitches and disjointed mess underneath.

Leonardo's monster was suddenly right in front of him. Before, he'd only seen bits and fragments, small inklings that it was there like flashes of a predator's pelt in the undergrowth, but right then Raphael saw it for what it really was- a lonely, sharp, feral, starving thing, desperate and broken and  _scared._

The part of him that knew he loved the mutant in front of him howled in sympathetic pain, but the monster was swimming in red, and it wasn't ready to put its claws away just yet.

"I DON'T LIE TA YOU!" Raph snarled, close enough that he could see the individual scales on Leonardo's nose, each one raised up slightly from his flesh like goosebumps. "You do it to me like it's yer fuckin' _job_!" The beast was roaring an ugly cadence of breaking bones and yelps of pain in his head, and he was seconds away from heeding it and making those sounds a reality.

" _Newsflash, IT IS!"_

_"THEN WHY THA FUCK'RE YOU HERE?! IF YOU THINK IMMA LET YOU-"_

_"LET ME?!"_

The thud of impact was rolling through his shoulders in the next instant- Leonardo had pushed him away, a physical dismissal not unlike what he'd done in the past. But he must have been truly exhausted, because while Raphael stumbled back, he didn't fall and end up on his ass the way he should have, the way he expected.

His body moved before he could even think about it, or regulate his reaction. The hand that he flung out to stabilize his balance grabbed for Leonardo's neck (not to choke him, he wouldn't, he wasn't...), and his fingers ended up wrapped tightly around the top ridge of his plastron, just above his collarbone. When Leonardo tried to pull away, the movement reversed Raph's momentum.

His head and shell hit the wall with a loud smack when Raphael shoved him against it, and they stood there like that for a second, faced off like baited animals, steaming and aching and  _shuddering_  with the potential for physical violence.

Right when Raph was steeling himself for a fight, his mouth went bone dry as he watched the blaze fade from Leonardo's eyes to be replaced with empty, weary pain that chilled Raphael down to his goddamned cells.

Something that felt like a warm raindrop splashed down onto his toe. Steel fingers clenched around his heart and smashed the bruised organ to a slimy pulp at what he saw when he looked down- there was a small, steadily growing red puddle around his foot, and the source was Leonardo's arm. His palm was streaked with blood, and his nails were dark with it like polish. The spaces between the ribbons higher up were red where they'd been green before, like the energy of their screaming match had reopened the cuts by themselves.

Raphael let out a strangled noise and reached for him, but Leonardo batted him away cruelly.

"Don't," he snapped, shouldering out from under Raphael's bulk. "He didn't want- they aren't fatal. It'll heal." He made his way back to the bed and adopted his previous position. "They're just reminders."

_Fuck that. Those are warnings._

_"'_ M sorry." For that, at least, he was.

"No you aren't."

The next few minutes passed awkwardly and rigidly as Leonardo fixed his bandages and Raph tried to clear the wet blockage from his throat.

 _"_ So you ain't got shit else ta say?" Raph asked finally.

Leonardo sighed through his nostrils as he lay his arm across his chest, clutching it with the fingers on his other hand, trying to hold the cuts together. "I don't know what you want me to say. I protect my family the same way you protect yours. This high and mighty act you try to put on is endlessly irritating." His eyes slid all the way shut, and if it wasn't for his mouth continuing to move, he would have looked like a fucking corpse. "I lied because I knew you couldn't handle the truth, and I was right, but I'm not arguing about this anymore. I'm exhausted enough as it is."

If Leonardo was going to pull the 'I don't give a fuck' card, then that meant nothing Raphael could say or attempt to pound through his skull would reach him, not after he'd retreated into his Foot Soldier persona and convinced himself he didn't care.

_Maybe he really doesn't._

"Whateva." Raph guttered out. "But that don't change the fact that I gotta do what I gotta do. I know they're shippin' those kids out tonight." He fixed a stern glare on the unresponsive mutant in the bed, but Leonardo didn't respond, so he kept going, more confident the longer he spoke without any opposition. "I'm ending this shit, Leo. I'm takin' them back ta their families. Get yer debts another way. And I ain't pullin' my punches, either, so ya best jus' stay here. I don't wanna hurt ya, but ya might catch it tonight."

He was in no mood to play fight, and Leonardo looked like he could barely stand, let alone wield a sword to full effect. Plus, the missing kids had vexed his family long enough that he knew his brothers wouldn't be pussyfooting around either. Raph's shell itched at the thought of a weakened Leonardo facing off against a vengeful Donatello.

At that, Leo shifted, and the corner of his mouth pulled up into a wry smile. "You think I can't keep up with you anymore? Or are you trying to  _protect_ me?" His canine poked over his lip as the expression turned taunting. "How noble of you, Raphael. I don't need you to be my champion. Even when I'm like this, all of you combined are still barely a workout. So don't flatter yourself."

The urge to stay, either to respond, or -what the bitch part of him wanted to do- to crawl into bed and try to put the pieces of Leonardo a little bit back together again as much as he could, even if it was only a little bit, Raphael knew the longer he stood there, all those kids slipped further out of his grasp. This was a mess, but one he didn't have time to deal with, so he would do what he usually did and ignore it until it sorted itself out.

_Like your mental state...and emotional state...and family bonds...and every fucking thing else that turned into even bigger clusterfucks._

"I'm leavin'," Raph announced finally. "Stay here." He hoped that didn't sound as much like a desperate beg to Leonardo as it did to his own ears.

Leonardo stirred again right as he turned to leave, calling out to him in a distant, absent minded tone. "Here, before you go."

Raph spun on his heel just as something silvery and oblong sailed through the air towards his face. Instinct threw up his arm to protect himself, and the thing clattered to the floor, or rather  _clanged,_  since at least part of it was made out of metal.

"What tha fuck're you-?" Raph started, leaning down to pick it up. The dark shaft was hard to make out in the shadow soaked room, but the moonlit glare of clean, sharp steel was unmistakable. Leonardo had tossed him a long knife, but just because he knew what it was didn't mean he was any less hella confused. "Why're ya givin' me this?"

The other male still hadn't opened his eyes. "It's a dagger, genuis." Leonardo replied. "And I'm giving it to you so you can kill me with it."

_Ex-CUSE the fuck-outta me?_

It was a joke. A sick, twisted, morbid ass joke. It had to be.

"That ain't funny," Raph rumbled, drawing his arm back to toss the thing back onto the nightstand by the bed. "And this ain't tha time ta be making jokes."

"I'm not joking, Raphael. I'm extremely serious." Leonardo gave his shoulders a slight shake in his laying down position. "You'll end up doing it anyway."

A dreadful, foreboding numbness started to pool in Raph's stomach. "Stop it," he ordered, digging his nails into his palms to keep his fists from shaking.

_He ain't serious. He's just being an asshole. There's no way..._

"No," Leonardo returned softly, opening his eyes and turning them to stare directly into Raph's soul. "Let me explain why I'm only allowed two hours of sleep currently. I've been here for half a year, and the one thing I was brought to New York for- your destruction- hasn't happened yet. Hun is dead and my operations with the dragons are in shambles. There are people depending on this deal that could be in the running for worst in the world."

His words were quiet and steady, but each and every one was a shard of ice puncturing Raph's organs.

"St-stop it!" Raph growled, gulping back a note of hysteria.

Leonardo ignored him, steamrollering ahead with his horrifically blank commentary like he wasn't laying out the end of his life like it was a fucking book report. "I haven't been as productive as the Shredder had hoped." he continued. "If sleep deprivation doesn't kill me, after this deal falls through, or one of my clan members hoping to ursurp my position doesn't do it, then the Shredder will. Ruin this, and you're essentially shoving that dagger straight through my neck yourself."

"Stop it!"

_He's lyin', he's got ta be lyin'..._

"If you don't want to use the blade, I guess you can just strangle me, or something similar. Then at least we both might get off on it-"

"STOP, GODDAMMIT!" Raph yelled finally, shivering all over. He shook his head back and forth frantically, squeezing his eyes shut so hard lights popped behind his lids, mask tails swinging. He felt cold, poisoned and heavy like he'd drunk antifreeze.

"You're trying to convince yourself that I'm lying," Leonardo said. He half whispered it, and even without looking at him, Raph knew he was smirking sadly. "But you know I'm not."

"You're my..." For the first time in a long time, the words wouldn't come. "You're his son." Raph said helplessly, finally opening his eyes. Even as the sentence left his mouth, he knew it didn't matter. It never had.

"I'm a weapon." Leonardo clarified bluntly. "And a faulty weapon will always get replaced. You claim you won't pull your punches?" He raised an eyeridge. "Then neither will I. I don't intend to lose my life over twenty or so snot nosed kids. If you want to stop me, you'll have to kill me anyway. So do it now, with that," he said, gesturing to the knife still held limply in Raph's fist, "or go home, whatever you want to do. But I'm going back to sleep."

And with that, he turned back over towards the wall and said not a word else, seemingly completely unconcerned. Raphael stared at him in shock, jaw on his chest. He didn't know whether Leonardo's attitude was due to him thinking that Raph wouldn't kill him, or if he genuinely had stopped caring about his own goddamn wellbeing and or his own life.

Out of all the stupid shit this situation had gotten him into, never had he had to face the choose to totally turn a blind eye and let innocent people suffer. If he intervened, one way or another, Leonardo would be hurt. If he didn't, buried his head in the sand and ignored his duty, then over two dozen families would be torn apart.

He was totally and utterly screwed, more than he'd ever been before. The choice was simple- his heart, or his job. His family, and his duty, or the one thing he'd learned to care about past his own shitty existence. And it couldn't have been any MORE simple if somebody had carved it into his very skin with a butcher knife. It probably would have hurt less.

_Definitely would have hurt less._

"Sonuva bitch," Raph said numbly. Whether he was talking about Shredder or his son, it didn't matter. He felt slow and thick, weighed down like he'd overdosed on morphine. He almost wished he had. Being high (or low, so low he couldn't think), would have made this shit so much easier.

Leonardo mumbled something that he didn't catch the first time around, through the hum of  _fuckfuckfuckfuck_ creating a steady ache in his head. "What?" he croaked.

"Your phone is ringing." Leonardo repeated, muffled against the pillow under his face. "And my head is killing me, so please pick it up."

_Before or after I murder you in cold fucking blood?_

Half hysteric at how messed up his world was right then, Raphael reached down to fish his shell cell out of his belt and stared at it for a second, as if he was trying to assure himself that the damn thing was real. He saw Donnie's number flashing on the screen, and heard his tone belting from the tinny speakers, but it didn't seem real. There was a disjointed, disconnected sensation, like Leonardo, the hotel room, and everything that had just happened existed out of time, in a separate dimension somewhere far away from the realm of nagging brothers and technobop bullshit music.

He accepted the call and pressed the phone to his ear slit, instinctively squaring his shoulders and bracing for the ass-chewing he was no doubt about to get.

"H-H'lo?"

Donatello's voice, when it came, was surprisingly  _not_  at a level that only fucking bats could hear.  ** _"*Where are you right now?*"_**  he asked. Even over the phone, the tenseness in his tone was audible, strung tight like cheese wire, but Raphael didn't get the impression that it was directed at him. It sounded more like Donatello was trying his hardest to repress his feelings, but that only happened in the most dire of circumstances, usually when one of them was hurt or they were all in a horrible position.

"Uh, I'm, I'm at tha junkyard," Raphael replied, purposely not looking at Leonardo in case the action put any kind of tremble in his words. His molars ground together when Leonardo muttered some bullshit under his breath that sounded like " _but I'm the liar_ ".

_" ***You need to come home. We have a situation.*"**_

Of course, of FUCKING course. Whatever this was, it had to have happened RIGHT THEN, didn't it?!

"What situation?" Raph barked into the mouthpiece. He didn't have the emotional restraint or give-a-fuck left to keep his agitation from bleeding through. "Can it wait twenty damn minutes?"

 ** _"*It's about Cody, Raphael.*_** "

 _That_ cut him like a scalpel, and drained the last of the color from Raphael's face like a syringe. His heart jumped into his esophagus as the bottom dropped out of his gut. As soon as Donatello said Cody's name, something that sounded awfully like a choked cry followed in the background.

_April._

"W-what happened, Donnie?" Raph gurgled, clutching the phone to his face like a lifeline. "Is he alright?"

 ** _"*Just come home, Raphael. I don't...*"_**  Donnie's sentence caught on a wet noise that pained Raphael physically. Much like himself, it had been ages since he'd seen Donatello shed actual tears.  _ **"*They-...He...Please, Nii-san, I don't know what to do.*"**_

 _FuckFuck **FUCK.**_ "I'm comin', alright? I'm comin'. Ten minutes, ah swear." Raphael promised desperately through his rising panic.

 _ **"*P-please hurry.*"**_ The line dropped right after that plea, and the buzz of the dead line in his ear was almost identical to a flatlined heart monitor.

**(#)(#)(#)**

If earlier had been surreal, then the journey back to and through the sewers was like a dream for Raphael- a nightmare that moved too slowly and too goddamn fast all at once. Knowing that Cody was somehow in trouble, he felt like the city should have been burning. But everything was almost deceptively calm, as if his surroundings were mocking him by being the exact opposite of how he felt inside.

The lair was completely silent when he typed in the security code and damnear sprinted through the door. It felt more frigid than normal, and if it wasn't for the lights coming from the direction of the kitchen and the unmistakable sound of Donatello's footsteps moving back and forth across the stone floor, it would have looked like the place was abandoned.

"Donnie?" Raph called frantically, shedding and dropping his clothes as he jogged into the main area. "Mikey? Splinter?"

The scene that met him when he rounded the corner to the kitchen wouldn't have looked out of place at a funeral. Splinter was leaning heavily against the counter with his hand fisted into the chest of his robes, ears flat and pinned to his skull, tail twitching erratically. Donatello was pacing a rut in the center of the room. Behind him, Mikey was seated at the dining room table with the most bleak face Raph had ever seen on his typically sunny little brother, blue eyes swimming in wetness. He had his arm around a pathetically snotting and sniffling April, whose hand an equally red eyed Casey had in a vice grip. Cody was nowhere to be seen.

Every eye turned to him, and the sorrow, anger and helplessness combined made Raphael want to crawl into a hole. April especially looked like she needed to be kept away from anything sharper than a butter knife, and Casey looked... shit, Casey looked like how Raph imagined he looked to everyone else on the daily.

"What happened?" Raphael coughed through the stitch in his side, glancing from one damp gaze to the next. "Where's Cody?"

There was silence for a moment, before Donatello redirected his pacing to bring himself within a foot or so of his brother. The purple masked turtle's face was flat and fixed. One hand was raised to tug neurotically at one of his bandana tails.

"He never made it home from school," Donatello told him. "His teacher thought he was going with a latchkey service. They had a forged signature from April." His face twisted up like someone had just stabbed him in the leg. "Cody's been kidnapped."

In all honesty, he'd known it from the minute he'd walked in and seen April's face, but the conformation still felt like an electric shock to Raph's system. Fear swamped him like a freezing tsunami, followed immediately by manic fury that was the only thing that kept his knees from buckling.

"I...w-we gotta go," he wheezed, actively fighting the shudders trying to wrack his muscles. His speech sped up the longer he talked, until he was almost babbling. "We gotta go look for him right now, if we fan out we can get half tha city in half an hour, he's got tha tracker in his jacket why tha FUCK IS EVERYBODY STILL SITTIN' HERE?!"

Mikey jumped at his outburst, and more tears streamed down April's puffy cheeks, but aside from that, nobody moved. Donatello shook his head, and Raph felt his rage jump dangerously, battering at the bars the already weakened cage of his control.

"It won't do any good," his brother said. "We already know where he is."

"Where-?!" Raph's incredulous question was cut off as he finally glimpsed the object sitting innocuously on the table over Donatello's shoulder- a small package about the size of a brick, wrapped in simple brown paper and stamped with the red, three pronged Foot crest. The symbol looked like a bloody handprint at a crime scene.

His mouth was suddenly full of chalk. His feet were moving him forward before he was even aware. Every droplet of sweat evaporated from his skin as his whole body went shivery.

_God, no._

"Tha Foot?" he rasped.

_Not Cody. Not Bug. They weren't supposed to ever get to Cody..._

"It was on their doorstep," Donnie continued, reaching for his own elbows and grasping them like he was trying to keep himself from coming apart at the seams. "There was a note on it saying not to call the police."

Raph's eyes were stuck on the package, like it would explode if he looked away. "Open it," he ordered hoarsely.

Donatello grimaced and hunched down into himself. "That might not be...we don't know what it is. I don't...it could be an explosive, or full of toxin-" He gasped and made a little yelping noise as Raph suddenly shoved past him, headed for the package.

"Raph wait-!"

"Dude, hold up-"

"RAPHAEL!"

He ignored them all, tearing a sai out of his belt before Donatello could grab for his wrist and stop him. Casey yelled and shot to his feet, pulling April up with him, and everyone scrambled back from the table as Raph dug the tip of his weapon into the box. He tore the flimsy paper open with a flick of his wrist.

The entire room braced itself, but there was no blast, or release of any kind of gas or powder. The rip had revealed something shiny and black inside, like a mirror. Slowly, like it still might blow up, Donatello stretched out his hand and pinched the edge of the parcel between his thumb and first finger. He lifted it and gave it a shake, the unconscious tremors in his arm helping to free the object inside of it.

Michelangelo blinked and cocked his head, confused, as the thing slid into view. "Guys, is that a-?"

"It's a tablet," Donatello confirmed with a quick nod. He picked up the slim device and held it in his palm as they all slowly gathered around the table again, frowning at his reflection in the dark glass screen. "But it's not any model I recognize. The Foot clan must have produced it for their own needs."

"There's a note on it," Casey said suddenly, "right on tha back."

Donatello flipped the tablet over, and there was indeed a sticky note attached, with " _ **Play Me**_!" scrawled in childish letters, and an arrow pointing to a button on the side.

They all exchanged grim looks. Donatello dug his teeth into his lower lip, the squared his shoulders as he seemed to make up his mind about something. "Mikey," he ground out, "go and trip the trace blocker in my lab." Michelangelo was darting down the hall almost before the sentence was out of his mouth, and he was back in a split second with a shaky nod.

"Done, dude."

Wordlessly, Donatello passed the tablet to Raphael. Taking it felt like accepting a live grenade, and pressing the button was like pulling the pin. He almost dropped it when the screen flashed white and beeped loudly, fading into an image of a loading circle. Raph put it down and gave it a push, and no sooner had it come to a rest in the center of the table did the screen change again, this time to an image of none other than Karai.

She was sitting cross legged on a bed of some sort, grinning and waving cheerily at the camera with one hand. Cradled in the crook of her other arm was a blanket wrapped bundle with an instantly recognizable thatch of bright red curls. Raph's lungs seized on his exhale, and his knuckles cracked as he flexed them.

April let out a little whimpering noise. "Tha fuck is this?" Casey hissed, fists clenching and unclenching by his side.

"Their version of a ransom note, no doubt," Donatello murmured, hazel eyes narrowed to slits. "Karai loves to play her games."

In the video, Karai laughed happily and started to talk.  _ **"*Ohayo, everyone. I'm so glad you could join us for story time. Shall we begin?*"**  _She shifted and cleared her throat, but Cody didn't stir, and Raph realized that the kid was out cold.

 _Thank god._ He couldn't imagine a worse place to wake up than in Karai's insane clutches.

 _ **"*Once upon a time, there was a reporter named April O'Neil, who loved to stick her nose in things that weren't her business,*"**_  Karai simpered.  _ **"*She got a rather silly idea in her mind to write an article in the papers about the largest crime syndicate in the world, because she thought she was a hero, instead of some insignificant, meddling bitch, who was always in way over her head.*"**_

Karai's features morphed into a pouty, disapproving frown, and she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth,  _tsking_  reproachfully.  ** _"*The reporter wrote her nasty article, even though she was told that bad things would happen to her and her family if she did. Little did she know, there were rats in the walls that tattled on her to the syndicate, and, lo and behold, she lost her baby boy, just like they'd promised! And the reporter, her husband, and their freaky little friends were so very sad, because they knew that if she'd listened, she could have avoided everything. The end!*"_**

With her story apparently at an end, Karai broke into a malicious smile that was full of venom, even in 2d.  _ **"*That's quickly becoming one of my favorites,*"**  _she giggled. She glanced down at the toddler in her arms and rocked him slightly, wiggling a sharp nail threateningly over his nose and cooing sweetly.  ** _"*Did you like it, little one? I'll bet you did. Mummy was the main character, after all.*"_**

She dragged her empty, black eyed gaze back up to stare directly into the camera.  _ **"*Isn't that what you've always wanted to be, O'Neil? A main character?*"**_  She chuckled at her own joke, then sighed.  _ **"*Ah, well. In any case, you refused to heed my advice, so this is the result. And since I'm not ready to be a mother just yet, your precious bundle of joy is going to take a little trip, one that he unfortunately won't be returning from. He won't be hurt, unless, of course, you involve the police, or something equally as foolish.*"**_ Her pink lips pulled over her teeth once again.  _ **"*Then he**_ **will** _ **return, but not in a way you'll like- that is, in several small, adorable pieces.*"**_

 _A trip,_ Raph thought brokenly.  _A trip, like the other kids. He's gotta be with them._ The thought gave him a small ray of weak hope and clarity in the face of his sickening dread and anger- because of his confrontation with Leonardo, he knew that the children were somewhere at the docks, and that they hadn't left yet. There might still be a chance to save Cody.

On screen, Karai twirled a piece of Cody's hair around her finger, looking down on him with the expression a lion gives to a baby gazelle.  ** _"*In case it isn't obvious by now, yes, we are behind the other kidnappings. And because I know the turtles have a habit of knowing things they shouldn't, you may very well know that they are at the docks, shipping out at midnight tonight.*"_**

Confusion fell like an avalanche.  _Why the fuck would she tell us that, if...-?_

Karai's next smile was anything other than friendly, and her words crushed the tiny bit of optimism Raphael had managed to scrape together.  _ **"*Or should I say, were. I moved the time forward as a precaution. As you watch this, I'm afraid little Cody and his friends are in the middle of the Atlantic by now.*"**  _She placed a spidery palm over her mouth in a fake gasp.  _ **"*Oops! Oh no, rescue plan foiled!*"**_

April stood up from her chair and like a rocket. " _You bitch!"_ she shrieked, only Casey and Splinter's desperate efforts keeping her from grabbing the tablet and throwing it against the wall.

Karai wasn't done. Nonchalantly, while they all watched in disbelief, she curled her finger and  _pulled,_ hard, yanking the tendril of hair out of Cody's head by the root. She stood up and took a few steps until she directly in frame, her pale, pointed face lit up in evil glee.  _ **"*This is what happens when you defy the Foot clan, April.*"**_  she said softly, almost tenderly.  _ **"*You** **had too much to lose. To be fair, you were warned. You have only yourself to blame.*"**_

She lifted Cody so that his comatose face was smushed cheek to cheek with her own. A trickle of blood oozed down the center of his forehead from his scalp where she'd torn his hair, running down his nose while Karai made kissy noises at the screen. ** _"*Say, 'Goodbye, Mummy! This is all your fault!'*"_**

She stroked her finger down the camera lens, leaving a red streak on the glass. The video came to end on that closeup image obscured by a smudge of scarlet, and it blurred as the tablet was quickly covered in tears from April's wrenching, wailing sobs as they started up anew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Hey, remember when I said we're almost at the end? I REALLY mean it this time. It's gonna hit you like a speeding gas truck, so just be prepared!  
> There's also some hints relating to information about a certain female psychopath in this chapter and the last. Did ya catch them?)


	56. Stuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Donnie snaps, then snaps some more, and everybody is just...stuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Merry christmas! And New years, and all those other holidays you lovely people might celebrate!  
> *claws self back to computer through haze of worsening, unmedicated depression* "Must...finish...story...FOR THE CHILDREN!"
> 
> Quick quiz! I'm about to write the first of the two smut chapters I left out earlier. One gets posted now, and the other one waits until the end of the story. I'm letting you guys pick which one, but based on the title ONLY. So, which would you rather see first- "Fever", or "Sticky Sweet"? The chapter with the most votes wins! If it's a tie, the person with the best review left has their choice picked!
> 
> And now, as they say, onward with our regularly scheduled program.)

An uncountable amount of time passed after the last of Karai's digital giggles faded and the image on the tablet slowly faded to black. The entire room went still and quiet like they'd been flash frozen into wax models of themselves, like a Polaroid taken at the exact moment that the world begins to end.

There was a next stage to this, there always was- one where everybody straightened their spines and dried their tears and clapped each other on the shoulder with a good ol' bracing  _'come on, gang, we can figure this out, there's still time, there's still hope'._ Donnie would get to scheming and Mikey would swallow his sorrow and put up a facade of energetic hope and they'd fall into their roles.

But in those first few seconds, there was a mutual agreement between everyone around the table, mutant and human alike, to not pretend like the horror hadn't gotten to them, that they weren't full of rage, and hate, and hopelessness. They took refuge in those seconds like actors preparing for a play or to shoot a new scene.

All of the hope, anger, sadness...all of the feelings that had been roiling inside of him, Raphael felt them slip finally away, like blood from a gashed artery. He knew the hollowness wouldn't last, but as emotionally exhausted as he was, he was grateful for the few numb moments where he didn't have to focus on what he felt, when they were all one big mess of blanket emptiness and uncertainty.

Donatello- capable, intelligent, efficient Donatello- was the first one to pull himself moderately together. "Travel times," he spoke up abruptly, causing them all to jump. His gaze was laser-focused on the table, but not out of depression- the gears in his skull were almost audibly turning and grinding out thoughts and solutions.

When nobody did anything other than stare stupidly in his direction, he repeated himself with increased agitation, as if repeating the phrase would be enough to make them understand. "Travel times!" he exclaimed, eyes flicking rapidly back and forth between their faces, searching for comprehension. "That's where she messed up!"

"Whu?" Mikey gurgled, scrunching up his beak in confusion, momentarily distracted from helping Casey comfort April.

Splinter cleared his throat and gave a shake of his shaggy head, sending his long beard swinging. "You must explain, my son," the old rat told him. "I am afraid that we are all not so bright as you are."

Donnie gave his neck an irritated little jerk to the side, like he'd been poked in the eye, and drew in a short breath that meant he _really_  hated having to dumb shit down for them, even though he was about to do it anyway, and would probably always have to. "Karai said that the kids were in the middle of the Atlantic, and that they left earlier today." He paused, but everyone continued to stare, and he made an annoyed noise that made him sound like a pissy chicken. "That's  _impossible_ , because they left from the docks. Don't you get it?"

"Donnie," Raphael growled warningly, tiring of the leading questions. No, clearly they DIDN'T get it, and quizzing them like third graders wasn't going to get Cody back any quicker. "Get to tha fucking point."

Donatello shot him a sharp look but continued with his explanation. "They left from the  _docks_ , not the  _airport_. That means they're on a  _ship_ , not a  _plane_ , heading to Japan. It takes an average of four days to make that journey, and that's without the cargo inspections that they'll no doubt skip in California. But they'll still have to pretend to get checked out. My bet? They probably just rounded Florida." he finished

"How do we know she wasn't lying?" Casey jumped in, hunching his shoulders and squinting at the now-dark tablet suspiciously like he'd like nothing better in the world than to reach through the screen and strangle Karai himself. "Mebbe she said that jus ta fuck with us, send us on a wild damn goose chase."

Donnie dispelled the human's concerns with another agitated twitch. "Karai doesn't lie when she thinks she's got the upper hand," he explained, drumming his fingers distractedly on the table top in a frantic rhythm. "And we know that the Foot prefer to ship things over sea than by plane."

Raph had to bite his tongue to keep  _'yeah, I read it in Leo's texts'_ from leaping out of his mouth- that would have been all kinds of shades of ugly that he did not want to deal with ever, but especially right now. Probably the least awful questions he would get skewered with would be ' _who the fuck is Leo'_ and  _'why would texting him tell you about Foot shipping practices'._ But from what he'd read, the Foot had a hand in shipping everything from opium and coke to high impact weaponry and expensive goods, both real and fake.

"B-but...w-w-why..." April tried, struggling to push a full sentence out through her lingering hysteria. Thankfully, Splinter stepped in smoothly for her.

"I believe what April is trying to say, my son, is that method makes no sense," he said. "Are not airplanes much faster than boats?"

Donatello's neck stiffened slightly, but he visibly swallowed his exasperation before addressing their father. "Yes, but they also go through a lot more regulation and oversight, especially after 9/11," he replied. "For the Foot, the least security, the better. Most illegal cargo is shipped through freighters or submarines now- including p-people." He tripped up a little on the last word but refocused with a quick shake. "Those kinds of vessels are harder to track, too."

"So what does all'a that mean?" Raph asked gruffly, folding his arms over his chest.

It still didn't seem to him like they had any real advantage just from knowing all of that. So Cody was most likely on a ship and not a plane, but that didn't mean they could get to him any easier. They were good swimmers- shit, great even, Micheal Phelps couldn't hold a candle to any one of them- but they were nowhere  _near_  that fucking good.

Their one failed, childish attempt to make their own submarine some years ago had failed, cringingly (with a name like T-Sub and Mikey for a pilot, why wouldn't it have). They'd nearly drowned themselves in the middle of New York harbor and gotten enough pneumonia to share between the three of them. That had been one of Donnie's rare but more embarrassing screw-ups.

"It means we have a chance," Donatello said. "If we can find out which port in Japan the ship is headed to, we can beat them to the punch."

"You mean we tell the cops, and have them waiting for it?" Mikey chimed in, a small fragment of a spark of hope igniting in the corner of one wet blue eye.

"Exactly," Donatello affirmed, but Raph frowned heavily in the face of his solution. The Foot, particularly when Karai was involved, had a nasty habit of turning violent when authorities were brought into things. They saw cops as target practice, or combat dummies, and hostages as meat shields. Imagining a situation gone wrong with kids involved, specifically Cody, made his stomach turn.

"Wha's tha odds of us bein' able ta get out there ourselves? Tha Foot like ta get dramatic when police are involved." Raph rebutted.

Donatello winced and sighed shortly. "I figured you'd ask that," he said. "They're not too good. We'd have to take a plane to catch them before they make port, and obviously we can't just show up at JFK in hoodies with weapons in our pockets and hop on the next Delta flight to Toky

The olive-toned turtle chewed pensively on his lip. "We'd have to be smuggled on, directly into a cargo hold. It's possible, technically, but it wouldn't be easy."

_So...maybe?_

"Odds of it goin' the way we want?" Raph pressed.

Donatello sighed again and shuttered his eyes for a brief moment, calculating. "Mathematically…about 15.6 percent," he concluded, glancing at them all sideways.

Eugh.  _Shit._

Mikey pulled a gently disgusted face. "Bro…that's like, a super F," he pointed out- slightly unnecessarily, but they let it slide for the moment.

"Lower," Donatello conceded. "Which is why I think-"

They all flinched when April suddenly leaned forward and slammed her palms forcefully into the table. "That's not good enough," she broke in suddenly, cheeks bright red and puffy behind a shiny coat of moisture. The vitriol in her tone was so strong and sudden that it caught everyone, including Raphael, completely off guard. "My baby is out there in the hands of those lunatics, and 15 percent is  _not good enough."_

"I know," Donatello returned, clearly trying to soothe her despite his own ragged emotions. "But our best bet is alerting the police-"

"The police are corrupt! They're a Foot run organization out in Japan! They won't help us!" April yelped, cutting him off yet again.

Raph winced internally when he both felt and saw his brother's shoulders tighten with a decidedly _not_  positive emotion. He agreed with April all the way, and he was only Cody's quote-unquote 'Uncle', so he could guess how fucked up this had to be for the kid's own mother.

But even though he could feel his own freak-out moment lingering at the edges of his mind, temporarily held in check by fear and the comforting process of making some sort of plan, he knew that flipping his shit would only piss off and distract their resident genius, get him banned from the conversation at hand, and generally make things worse for Cody.

Raphael had clear moments, contrary to popular belief. They just weren't often. But they happened, sometimes. Right then, it was almost as if most of his typical rage had been scooped out of his skull and dumped into April, and he pitied her for it. Observing anger that wasn't his own was almost kind of fascinating.

Meanwhile, Donatello was still trying to be patient and understanding, but his ability to do so was leaking away like water from a punctured bottle. "April, there's a less than 20 percent chance we can get there ourselves, and if the Foot even sense an inkling of your involvement-"

"This is my  _son_ , Donatello! Your _nephew_!"

It was almost audible, the moment when Donnie finally snapped- or maybe that was just his molars clenching together around his growl.

"You think I don't  _fucking_  know that!?" he snarled, bringing his own fists down on the beleaguered table and mimicking April's position so that he was in her face as much as she'd been in his.

Splinter reacted immediately, barking a sharp "Donatello!", and Mikey jerked like he was going to jump in between the human and his brother. But all Raph did was lean away from Donatello in silence as the heat finally poured out, knowing, more than anyone, what it felt like to need to  _explode._ The fact that Donatello was freely cursing was a clear indication of just how hacked off he was.

And Donatello was on a  _roll._ He wasn't screaming, but his words were just as impacting as if he had been. "What do you want from me, just to magic up a teleportation device and zoom us all over to Japan? Is that what you think should happen?!"

He raised his voice a few octaves into a high-pitched mockery of a female tone. "' _Donnie's a genius, so that means he can fix all our fuck-ups immediately_!'" Well you know what April, it doesn't work like that! I'm not a goddamned wizard!" he spat. "If we don't play this carefully and cautiously, Cody will die. But you know what wasn't careful and cautious?" he asked, rhetorically. "You, writing that idiotic story and getting him targeted in the first place. So maybe back a few feet  _the fuck off_  and let  _me_  correct  _your_  mistake, as per usual!"

He was breathing like he'd run a marathon by the time he got the last word out, face a blotchy red-brown and his knuckles turning white beneath his green skin.

All of April's anger had flickered like a blown out candle, and she just stood there for a few seconds in utter shock, eyes wide and lip trembling. She clenched her fists by her hips and swelled like she was about to reply. But then what Donatello had said actually reached her, visible as it settled guilt and terror on her thin shoulders.

She stood up from the table and stormed off with a sob, darting to one of the spare bedrooms in a red and white blur.

Casey wasn't far behind, shooting to his feet and aiming a poisonous glare at Donatello that would have broken the genius's legs if it could have. "Ya ain't have ta talk ta her like that," he hissed. "Ya got no idea how this shit feels."

If Casey's glare could break legs, Donatello's could freeze planets. "This is her fault," he retorted bluntly. "She doesn't get to screw up this badly and then tell me how to fix it. Neither do you, actually, so either stay and contribute, which I highly doubt you will, or go and coddle your wife."

Raph felt his face burn as Casey's gaze flicked in his direction, clearly looking for some support. He got none as Raph stared him down with impassive, unapologetic eyes and hunched his shoulders in a small shrug. Casey might have been his best friend, but Donnie was his brother. No matter how much they argued, blood was thicker than water. And April had been dead ass wrong.

 _Point fucking blank_.

With a murderous rumble and a hurt frown for Raph, Casey removed himself from the room and went in the direction April had fled.

"Sheesh, dude…" Mikey grimaced, once he had gone. "Bruce Banner much?"

Splinter knocked his staff on the floor twice in agreement. "That was unreasonably harsh, Donatello." he reprimanded.

Donatello shook his head and sat back down heavily in his chair, rubbing his fingers over the bridge of his beak in short, brusque motions. "I can't afford to be nice right now, Sensei. I'll apologize for hurting her feelings when Cody is safe at home," he said.

There was a short period of silence while everyone left in the kitchen moved past what had just occurred.

"Sssooo...What do we do now?" Mikey asked quietly. The drama had ended, but the real ordeal had just begun. And already, the weight was shifting in one specific direction- one purple banded, long-limbed direction.

Donnie let out a long breath of air and started talking without opening his eyes. "The best option is to head the Foot off at the pass, so to speak. Catching them at the port has the greatest odds of retrieving Cody and the other children without incident. If it looks like a clerical or security error on their part and the police catch wind of it, there'll be no retaliation against us."

He moved to rub forcefully at his temples, his entire body screaming  _I'M SO DONE WITH THIS SHIT._ "April was writing a story on the clan," he continued. "She couldn't have done that without sources in Japan. Once she calms down, we need to see if any of them have connections to the police. We have to narrow down what port those kids are being delivered to. I can try to break into the dock records and triangulate possibilities, but they're likely to be sealed, and for all we know the Foot have some private wharf somewhere off books..."

Donatello trailed off into a hard-thinking silence. Eventually, Splinter got himself to his feet in a creaky struggle and shuffled around to where Donatello was sitting. "Is there anything we can do for you, my son?" he asked.

At Donnie's head shake, the old rat nodded slowly and placed a gnarled hand on his shoulder. "Then I will retire and seek answers," he announced. "If you need anything..."

He paused and shuffled restlessly, then started to speak again with a hint of apprehension in his words, giving voice to the sense of guilt and inadequacy in the room that they were all feeling. "Donatello, you must believe me when I tell you that we all wish we could be of more use to you." Splinter's furry eyebrows drew together into a pained expression. "Often it may seem that you are forced to shoulder most burdens, but it is not intentional or malicious. You are more intelligent, and you have been since you were children." Splinter folded his arms into his robe. "Your brother's strengths, and mine as well, may be better applied to other areas. But help can be found in unexpected places. If you require it, we will assist you in any way we can."

At Donnie's mumbled "I know Sensei, thank you", Splinter dipped his chin and, with a pointed look at his two other sons, started to make his way back to the dojo.

 _Help him,_ that look said, and for once Raph didn't want to argue.

 _'Donnie should'a been leader,'_ Raph thought grimly to himself, cursing Splinter gently. When all this shit was over, he was having a serious talk with the old rat about their family hierarchy. All the shit Donnie had to deal with, mostly by himself, and he didn't even get a crummy title out of it.

Mikey guttered out a sigh of his own and glanced sideways at Donatello. "Sure you don't need anything?" He said it lightly, but there was an undercurrent of ' _please let me help so Sensei doesn't yell at me'._

Donnie finally opened his eyes and fixed his brother with a blank stare. "You could try to calm April down so we can have an effective conversation," he suggested, almost sarcastically.

Mikey groaned and scrunched up his face in displeasure. "Um...maybe in a little while?" he laughed nervously, clearly wanting to do ANYTHING else other than deal with the two emotional humans. Raph didn't even blame him.

Donnie snorted softly. "What was that thing you made, about a year ago, when we had to figure out how to get Leatherhead out from under the zoo  _and_ Stockman and Bishop?"

"Huh? I don't- Oh! The crisis brew?" Mikey asked, fiddling with the tail of his neon mask. "Dude, that was just like...really really strong coffee."

"No, there was something else..."

"...I mean...there was aspirin and Five Hour Energy dissolved in it...?"

"Exactly. That would be amazing right now."

"Um...I'm not sure that's like. Healthy? And..."

Raph didn't see the expression that crossed his immediate younger brother's face, but it must have been something truly frightful because Mikey jumped to his feet with an assertion that it was "coming right up, bro". He scampered off, leaving Donatello to his thoughts and Raph to his brooding.

Now that all the hysterics were over, Raphael started to take stock of his own position in the crisis. A sour taste flooded the back of his mouth when he thought about the mutant he'd left behind at the motel, and an itchy compulsion started to tingle across his fists.

Regardless of his role in the situation, he knew that Leonardo would most likely end up being his ace in the hole. If the black banded turtle  _hadn't_ known about the plan to abduct Cody, then he could still provide information and assistance that would help Raph retrieve the little boy.

And if he had known about it, then he'd still help. It would just be after Raphael had beaten him within an inch of his life, and in exchange for the continuation of said last inch.

And Raph was pretty sure he could and would beat Leonardo, if he got the impression that Leo had known about Cody being taken from them. The rage that would result from that would be more than enough required to overpower the beaten down and sleep deprived mutant.

Having decided on that course of action, Raphael swallowed his rising dread back and started to recollect his outside clothing. "I'm headed out," he muttered vaguely in Donatello's direction, hoping that his brother was too preoccupied to play warden with him.

_No dice._

"What?" Donatello replied, twisting around in his seat and rising halfway to his feet as Raphael yanked his hoodie back on. "Out? To do...what? Where?"

"Ta chase down leads," Raph told him, refusing to look his brother in the eye in case the angry truth there gave him away. "Somebody knows somethin'."

He had thought that would be enough to deter any more questioning, but apparently it wasn't.

"Do you really think that's best right now?" Donnie continued disbelievingly, circling around the table to stare as Raph pulled on the rest of his surface attire. "The last thing we need is more attention drawn to the situation."

"I can't just keep sittin' here with a thumb up my ass," Raph protested, and that part, at least, was true.

Donatello went quiet for a short minute, prompting Raph to glance up at him. There was a shrewd, calculating expression on the genius' face that didn't sit well in Raph's gut.

"Take Mikey with you, at least," Donatello said, his tone suddenly blank and placid. "I understand not wanting to sit around, but I don't think you should go alone."

Raph gritted his teeth and tried to keep his exasperation out of his movements. That one was going to be difficult to get out of. Obviously he couldn't go back to the motel with Mikey tagging along as his plus one, but there was no legit sounding reason to leave him behind that Donatello would believe.

He felt like he was being outmaneuvered, but he didn't know exactly  _how_.

"He's just gonna slow me down," Raph tried, resheathing his sais at his hips. "And he gets squeamish when I get handsy."

Donatello didn't say anything else, and Raph cheered internally, figuring he was finally in the clear. He pulled his hood up and edged around his brother, headed for the exit.

His hand was on the lever for the door when the quiet rejoinder came from behind him.

"Handsy, huh? Like with Hun?"

Ice flooded his veins, constricting them until the thudding of his panicked heart was loud and painful. Raph froze, unable and unwilling to turn around, caught between fleeing instinctively and finally confronting his brother.

_How the fuck does he...?_

Donatello's footsteps came softly closer in the next few seconds, and Raphael twisted slowly to face him.

They stared each other down like they were across a battlefield and not half a foot away. Donatello's face was grim and stony, and there was no forgiveness in his eyes, and no uncertainty either. He wasn't just guessing- he  _knew_.

"Donnie," Raph started lowly, "listen ta me. Whateva ya think ya know, ya don't know all of it."

Donatello's gaze only hardened. "No more lies," he hissed sternly, "Or I call for Splinter right now. I'm not bluffing."

"Cody doesn't have time fer this." Raph muttered darkly. Donatello ignored him.

"What happened? What's been going on?" he pushed.

He might have known about Hun, but that didn't necessarily mean that he knew about everything else.

_I can't tell him about Leo. He'd never forgive me._

"He attacked me," Raph told him, manually attempting to slow his racing heart, "the night I went shoppin'. I'nt have a choice."

"Even if I did believe you, which I do not, that doesn't explain why you didn't tell anyone about it," Donatello shot back.

"I'm dealin' with it by myself," Raph offered, and it even sounded like he was begging to his own fucking ears. "Nobody else has ta get involved or hurt."

"And if they kill you? If they come after us?" Donatello growled. "I know you can be dense but you couldn't have possibly thought that keeping this a secret was the best choice!"

This wasn't going anywhere except further downward, and every second that slipped away...

"Donnie, please," Raph said, and yeah, he was officially begging. "Please, jus' let me go right now and I swear, I fuckin' swear I'll tell everybody everything when I get back."

The lie cut through his intestines like garrote wire, but it had to be said.

Donatello opened his mouth to retort, but he never got the words out. April and Casey both came racing back into the kitchen, fumbling April's cell phone between the two of them like a football and glancing around desperately for help.

"What now?" Donatello exclaimed, attention thankfully diverted from his brother.

"She got a message," Casey mumbled, his shaky bulk seemingly the only thing keeping April from dissolving into a puddle on the floor. "From her firs' contact. All it said was ta turn on tha news, now."

Mikey, who had run in upon hearing the commotion, was grabbing for the remote before Donatello could even give the order. When the screen flickered on, the channel was showing an aerial view of a freeway overpass swarmed with police and emergency vehicles. The announcer was giving remote updates in a fake somber voice as the cameras zoomed in on a blurred out portion of the asphalt that couldn't have been anything other than a body.

"-ust a few minutes ago, as we received word that there has been an apparent suicide on 1-94 East. A young woman exited the back seat of a vehicle, climbed the divider, and jumped down into traffic, tragically ending her own life...the police have informed us that the woman had only piece of identification on her, an orphanage registration document under the name Jaqueline Groosby..."

April, if possible, paled another three shades. She brought her hands up to her mouth to catch her strangled yell, swaying all the more heavily against her husband. "J-Jack, oh g-god, J-Jack...th-th-they m-must...s-she...all m-m-my..."

Seeing that Donatello was sufficiently distracted, fighting back his rapidly rising horror, Raph cut his losses and made a break for it.

* * *

Leonardo was, shockingly, still asleep by the time Raphael made it back to the motel. It was clear he hadn't moved since their first altercation, still stretched out in the same exhausted position Raph had left him in.

He didn't wake up when the window was slammed shut hard enough to put a crack in the glass, or when Raph barked his name, but he shot awake with a disoriented snort (that would have been adorable under any other circumstance) when Raph hauled off and kicked the side of the mattress almost hard enough to flip it, instinctively grasping for his swords and throwing them up in front of his face.

The sentence he muttered in Japanese might have meant something to the effect of "what the actual hell", had Raphael had enough presence of mind to translate it, but he didn't.

With the red once again building up behind his eye sockets and threatening to flood his vision, Raphael reached for the front of Leonardo's plastron, taking advantage of the other male's dreary disorientation and snatching him off the bed completely before Leonardo could even figure out what the fuck was happening.

"W-WHAT-?!" he squawked, grabbing for Raphael's wrists.

Now that he finally had a target for his helplessness, his aggression, his confusion and heartache and every other negative emotion, it was all coming out at once, in a nasty tidal wave made stronger from being pent up since Raphael had gotten Donatello's call.

"SHUT UP!" Raph snarled, giving him a hard shake so that Leonardo's wide brown eyes focused on his face. "I ain't playin with you no more, ya hear me?! I ain't playin'. So you got ten words, fuckin' TEN, ta convince me that you ain't know this shit would happen. An' if I don't believe you, I'm gonna hurt you so fuckin' bad you'll wish ya never met me."

Her could see his own bared teeth reflected in Leonardo's dark irises, but he didn't feel bad or ashamed for giving in to the animal. He felt  _angry_  in a way that the word itself couldn't ever come close to expressing.

_Don't you love him?_

' _I'll hit him like I fucking hate him."_

Whatever he saw in Raph's eyes had convinced Leonardo not to struggle or fight after those first few seconds. He'd gone completely still, like someone faced with an enraged bear, and his hands were slowly inching up towards his head like he was being placed under arrest.

"Raphael, love, listen to me," he started slowly, "I don't know-"

Raphael gave him another hard shake, stuttering the rest of that sentence. "That was eight," he growled dangerously. "Ya got two more, and I still don't believe ya."

Leonardo was quiet for a split second, and then Raph felt a small shudder go through his body. "July twenty second," he said.

"I-"  _Wait_. "What?"

"July twenty second," Leonardo repeated. "Two days before my birthday." He paused, sucked in a silently deep breath, then continued in a steady, calm tone. "I swear, on that date, the day I was raped for the first time, that I do not know what you're talking about."

His expression was the opposite of unreadable- it was  _too_  readable, which meant Raph could see all the painful truth swimming there. It was so stark and real, he could almost hear the screams and smell the blood.

They stared at each other for a span of breaths, and though Raph searched for insincerity, he found none.

_For once...he ain't lying._

It helped to douse the fire- just a little bit.

"Let me go," Leonardo told him, not breaking eye contact, "and tell me what happened."

Slowly, battling with the violent impulses and urges coursing through his blood, Raphael uncurled his fingers and released the turtle in his grasp. He didn't move back, and he didn't release Leonardo from the searchlight of his amber gaze.

"Mah n-nephew," he rasped brokenly, swallowing against the enraged tears scratching the back of his throat. "His mama is a reporter. She was tryin' ta expose the Foot. She...h-he got nabbed with the other kids. Karai sent us a video and told us he wasn't comin' back."

By the time Raph got to "Karai", Leonardo's brow ridge had risen almost up off his face in genuine shock.

" _Karai_  did this?" he breathed, stirrings of anger flickering across his beak. "She never told me anything about...any of that." His eyelids narrowed, and Raph both saw and heard his jaw clench as he ground his teeth together. "What did you say the mother's name was?"

"April O'Neil," Raph guttered out. "He took her last name."

Leonardo took a step back from him, and dug into his belt for his communicator. "I didn't know," he said, and I'll prove it to you."

He dialed what must have been Karai's number, or code, and the thing beeped shrilly a few times before the other end connected with a soft hiss of static.

**_"*Hellooo, brother. What can I do for you?*"_ **

The instant Karai's syrupy sweet falsetto broke on his eardrums, Raphael's whole body tightened with ugly intent, and only Leonardo's hasty hand on his shoulder kept him from going for the communicator and trying to climb through it to murder the girl on the other side.

"Sister," Leonardo began, tone light and conversational despite the deep ridges between his eyes and the clenched nature of his fingers. "Did you forget to inform me of anything regarding the shipments?"

_**"*I don't believe so, no. Why do you ask?*"** _

"Because I just ran into one of the turtles," Leonardo explained, "and in between trying to bash my skull in, he mentioned that a child of a friend of his had been kidnapped, and that you'd claimed responsibility for it. Does the name April O'Neil ring any bells?"

There was a slight break in the conversation, and then Karai sighed loudly and dramatically.  _ **"*Of course, they would ruin my surprise. I was going to tell you and Father tonight, after the ship left San Diego.*"**_

"What did you  _do_ , Karai?"

 _ **"*That bitch has been a thorn in our side for years,*"**_  Karai huffed.  _ **"*She was trying to write an expose on us, and I warned her to back off. She didn't, so now she's facing the consequences. I added her child to the shipping mandate. What is the big deal, exactly? We get paid for an extra body, and she learns not to fuck with us again.*"**_

Seeing that Raphael was seconds away from exploding, Leonardo gulped back whatever he was about to say and forced himself to sound unconcerned. "Right. Well, I need to go. I'll see you later at home."

_**"*Of course, Brother.*"** _

The call ended, and Raph was surprised to see that when he looked back at Leonardo, the black masked turtle looked irritated enough to spit. "Sometimes she makes me regret killing her when we were kids," he snapped murderously, shaking his head in disgust. "Of all the things we didn't need..."

"What are you gonna do?" Raph interrupted, unable to stop flexing his knuckles back and forth.

"I'm going to fix this," Leonardo sighed, digging the heel of his hand into the side of his face. Raph had never seen anyone look so tired in all his life. "There's a reason she didn't tell the Shredder- she knew he wouldn't approve of this willy-nilly B.S."

He looked up then, into Raph's eyes. "I don't know how much trust you have in me right now, if any," Leo said, "but I need you to go home and let me take care of this. I know where he's going, and when, and I can get him back. It'll set me and her back some months, but," he shrugged, "if it helps make up for everything I've put you through, I'll do it."

"Lemme guess, I'm jus' s'posed ta do nothin' again?" Raph rumbled. "We saw how well that shit worked out last time."

"There's nothing you can do for him now," Leonardo reasoned. "And I think you know that. I promise you, I will bring him back. This might actually be easier to deal with than the Hun situation."

He reached back to sheathe his weapons and started pulling his clothes back on, visibly trying not to shake.

"Go home and be with your family," Leonardo said. "Once I tell my father what Karai did it's only a matter of time before I'm given leave to rectify her mistake."

He didn't say anything else while he re-straped his arm and leg guards, and after a while, Raphael turned to leave, not knowing what else to say or do.

"Raphael?"

When he turned at the hips, Leonardo had paused in getting dressed and was staring at him sorrowfully. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"Apologize ta me when Cody's back at home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: 2012 references, mwahah! And a poke at the fourth wall.
> 
> Smol update! Life is marginally better for me now! Which is more than I can say for these characters...
> 
> This got WAY too long, had to cut it. Sorry it wasn't more interesting. Next chapter should be up either tomorrow or Friday, maaaybe the weekend?)


End file.
